Doppelgänger: Sequel to Regression
by Linda09
Summary: Is the world big enough for two Clark Kent's? – Story moves between T mostly to M for the occasional strong language and sexual content – Clois
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Doppelgänger

**Author:** Linda09

**Disclaimer:** I am not in any way affiliated with DC Comics, Smallville or anything else, I do not own the characters and am making no profit on this. The only thing I do own is THIS story which is mine.

**Rating: **Story moves between T mostly to M for the occasional strong language and sexual content.

**Summary:** Is the world big enough for two Clark Kent's?

**Author Note: **If you haven't already read Regression I suggest you do so, as this story opens assuming the reader is fully aware of what has previously occurred.

Linda.

oOo

_**Definitions of Doppelganger from various sources below:**_

The word "doppelgänger" is a German loanword, it derives from _Doppel_ (double) and _Gänger_ (goer).

In the vernacular, "Doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person. The word is also used to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection. They are generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelgänger is an omen of death. In Norse mythology, a _vardøger_ is a ghostly double who precedes a living person and is seen performing their actions in advance.

Doppelgänger is a spiritual or ghostly double of a living person that haunts its human counterpart, an apparition that looks identical to a living person, but behaves differently.

**Chapter 1**

_Day: 15th December_

"Babe we're supposed to be at the farm…" Clark paused, looked at his watch and grimaced "Ten minutes ago, are you almost done?"

"Uh huh." Lois nodded absently, her mind completely absorbed in getting her story right; _if she could just find the right words to say what she wanted to…_

"Lo…Lois….Lois!"

Hearing a buzzing noise she lifted her head and frowned "Did you call me?"

"Yeah, we're supposed to be at the farm already." Clark reminded her, at her confused expression stopped himself from rolling his eyes "Lo, it's almost 10 am, we told mom we'd be there early to set the tree up remember?" He prodded gently.

"Oh um yeah, tell you what, why don't you go, set the tree up and pick me up later, I really have to finish this article." Her eyes began to wander back to the computer screen, but turned back towards Clark at his long suffering sigh.

"Lo, it's 10 days until Christmas, we've got the weekend off and Perry's not expecting your story until deadline Monday so your article doesn't have to get finished today." At the considering look on her face he quickly coaxed further "It's not an exclusive or breaking news, so why don't you put it away and look at it fresh tomorrow; whatever you're struggling with will probably come easier after you give it a rest for a little while." When her eyes moved back towards the screen, his rolled "Baby please!"

Her eyes flew to his face when she heard the impatient pleading in his voice, and seeing the peevish look on his face, her lips twitched "Usually when you say those words and in that tone; we're having sex."

He smiled in return "That's because you drive me crazy no matter what the situation, c'mon Lo, I'll help you with the article later."

"How about a compromise, you go and set the tree up, come back for me and I'll be ready, but don't use super speed because that's not fair."

"I want you with me." He shook his head and replied stubbornly.

"Clark…."

"Lois it was only last month when I thought I'd lost you, and this time last Christmas we were together but you didn't love me, I want to you with me for both those reasons."

"Clark I came back, you can't let what happened make you afraid to let me out of your sight."

"I don't Lo I promise; but we've all talked about it to death, we've all looked and tried to find something, and we're all still as much in the dark as we were 8 years ago about who or what caused it and…" He shrugged and looked away.

Pushing out her chair she stood up from the kitchen table, walked over to him, slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. Feeling his arms wrap around her she laid her cheek against his chest then lifted her face to his "Hon, no one's found anything, including the JLA. I think for now we just have to let it go and hope it was an isolated incident that doesn't happen again."

He shook his head, closed his eyes tight then opened them to look into hers; lifting one hand to her cheek he bent down and placed his lips against hers. His thumb caressed the side of her jaw silently requesting her mouth to open wider, his hands roamed down her back to her bottom lifting her up until her legs hooked around his waist. His mouth lifted only long enough for him to stride to the couch and tumble them down before he once again covered her mouth with his, sliding his tongue inside to twine with hers then moving over her teeth, caressing the roof of her mouth and back to slide over and around hers once again.

Reluctantly parting their lips, he looked into her flushed face and smiled lightly, tracing a finger over her brow "I hate remembering how close I came to losing you, I hate remembering that someone nearly took you from me. I can't baby, I can't let it go."

"Clark we haven't found anything…."

"I don't care." His voice cut across hers "One day we will find something but until that day I won't let it go." His hand trailed to her jaw, down the side of her neck and back up to cup her cheek "Your mine Lo and someone tried to take you from me, I don't care if it was an accident or not, I want to know who it was and then I intend to let them know that playing with your life is off limits." His eyes stayed locked with hers and seeing the resolution on his face, she smiled, shook her head then leant up to kiss his chin.

"I don't dwell on it Lo and I don't hover over you, but I do admit to being a bit more protective than I used to be." He kissed her forehead, wrapped his arms around her, sat them both up, then stood and walked into the bedroom to lie down with Lois held securely in his arms; his head bent and his lips captured hers once again.

She pulled her mouth free "Clark…" His head lifted "Your mom remember; we're already late."

"We're going to be even later, I'll call her." His hand snagged the phone from his back pocket, his fingers quickly pressed the buttons and after a quick conversation with his mom, he disconnected, dropped the phone on the night stand and re-claimed her lips.

Afterwards he felt contented "Well you finally managed to get me to stop working on the article." Hearing the amusement in her voice, he stretched and smiled, hooked his arm around her waist and hugged her to his side "Yeah I sure did."

Hearing the satisfaction in his voice, her head turned, their eyes met and smiled "You are such a guy."

"I sure as hell hope so." He pecked her lips with his, while his hand gave her thigh an absent pat "C'mon woman you've worn me out and we still have to get to moms."

"I have to have a shower and no you can't join me otherwise we'll never get out of here." She smiled, wryly amused at the pout on his face "Why don't you have a shower, take the presents over and come back for me."

"You won't start working again." He asked suspiciously.

"I'm not in the mood for work anymore but just in case, why don't you turn off the computer on your way out."

"I will." He got up, had a quick shower, dressed and sat down on the side of the bed "I'll be back soon."

"Clark, have a coffee with your mom, bring the tree in and then come back for me, I'm not going to be ready for at least another 40 minutes." Nodding he kissed her quickly, walked out then ducked back into the room to kiss her once again "I'll be back in 45 minutes, I'm generously giving you an extra 5 minutes, so be ready, promise."

"I promise and thanks for the extra 5 minutes Scrooge." Smiling he leant down, dropped a kiss on her shoulder and left.

oOo

He was in Smallville and opening the back door a few minutes later "Hi mom." He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, walked to the couch to dump the presents then turned back to his mother still standing by the sink.

"Hi sweetie, where's Lois?"

"She's having a shower, she told me to bring the presents over, haul the tree in and have a coffee because she'll be at least another 40 minutes." He took a seat at the kitchen island, snagged a sugar cookie and began to munch, he was reaching for a second when his mom handed him a cup of coffee; nodding in thanks he sipped the hot brew and smiled.

Martha smiled and took a seat opposite, also reaching for a cookie "Are you ok Clark, you sounded kind of strange on the phone?" Seeing the blush creep up his face, she bit the inside of her lip to stifle her laughter, but when his face became stern she reached out and took his hand in hers "What's wrong honey?"

"We haven't found anything mom, Lois told me we should let it go and hope it doesn't happen again but…"

"Maybe she's right." At the intractable look on his face she hurried on "Sweetie it never happened again, Lois never had another episode like last time and…"

"I know mom." He cut in "But I can't, someone did this and I can't just let it go."

"Honey it could end up destroying you, be grateful Lois came back, keep an eye on her but please Clark, don't obsess over it." She kept her voice calm and reassuring hoping he'd listen.

"I'm not obsessing mom truly, I just don't want whoever did this to think they can play fast and loose with Lois' life and I won't do anything about it." He shook his head and picked up his coffee but ended up slamming the cup back down instead "They damn well killed her."

Pushing her stool out, she ran around the island and hugged him tight from behind "I know honey, I know how scared you were but please …"

"Sorry mom, I just…every now and again I wake up in the middle of the night just to look at her, make sure she's beside me, alive and well. It just…. god it tears me up inside that I was helpless while she was dying right in front of me." He turned on the stool, wrapped his arms around his mom's waist and held her tight "I don't think I'll ever forget that moment, forget how useless I felt."

"I know sweetie but Lois is ok, she is back with you now." Rocking him gently Martha closed her eyes hurting for her son, she knew how scary it was to lose the person you loved most in the world and understood his fear, but she didn't want him to let the fear control him. Framing his face in her hands, she kept her eyes steady on his "You have to move past it Clark, I don't mean forget, but move past it, ok?"

"Yeah, Lois tells me the same thing, I didn't want to leave her behind when I came here today, but I know that if I try to keep her with me 24/7 I'll just end up smothering her and eventually that will just drive her away." When his mom nodded he smiled without humour "I won't do that, but I will do what you and Lo suggested. I'll let it go but keep my eyes and ears open; I know that the JLA are still listening out for anything as well so that does help."

Kissing his forehead she smiled and re-took her seat "Good, now how about you finish your coffee, get the tree and bring it in, so that you can go back to collect Lois and the two of you can decorate it after lunch." At his nod she smiled again. "What time are you and Lois coming on Christmas Eve?"

"We'll actually be here on the 23rd, it's been fairly quiet in Metropolis for the last few days so unless the usual Christmas mayhem starts; which we are all expecting by the way, Perry said we can finish on the 22nd and don't have to be back at work until the 27th."

"Why's he being so generous?" Martha asked in amusement.

"He's paying us back because we haven't had any time off since going back to work last month. You know how we haven't had time to come out here?" At her nod "Well we've been so busy running around covering one story or another that we've only had a total of two days off for the whole month." He grinned then added "I think our last story also got us in his good books; that's why he gave Lo and I fairly easy pieces a few days ago, but Lois of course has to make every story Pulitzer winning just in case."

"What's stories did he give you?" Martha asked curiously.

"He told us to write a piece on the homeless at Christmas which Lois shoved onto me." He nodded and smiled at his mom's light chuckle. "She took the warehouse fire and it's not as interesting as it sounds. The owner started the fire for the insurance money. The job was so badly botched the arson investigators figured out it was him pretty quickly. Lois tried to look for an angle but couldn't find one, so now she's trying to make it sound exciting." Shaking his head he finished amused. "You should have heard her when she found out it was an open and shut case of insurance fraud, she wasn't happy but said it was still better than writing some touchy feely piece like I had to."

They both laughed and finished their coffees "I'll just go bring the tree in, is it still inside the barn?" At her nod he strode outside picked up the tree and brought it back in, moved the television and placed the tree near the corner ready for decorating.

"Ok mom I'll just go pick up Lois, did you need us to stop and bring anything back from the store?"

"No thanks honey, and lunch will be ready when you both come back ok?" He nodded, and was soon on his way back to Metropolis.

oOo

Lana stood at the alcove to the lounge room and looked around her house, she'd decorated it carefully; everything was precise and perfect. The decorations were beautiful, the tree glittering and sparkly, the scent of cinnamon and baking bread wafting through the house smelt tantalising; but she felt empty inside.

She'd hoped that by trying to bring some Christmas spirit into her house she'd feel better, more alive but didn't. She hadn't seen Clark for almost four weeks, when she enquired from Martha why he and Lois hadn't been to Smallville, she was told they'd been kept busy at work and couldn't get away.

She missed him, missed seeing him, talking to him. The last time she saw him was the day after the engagement party and he'd had Lois with him. They had come into the Talon for coffee and a snack, looking so much like a couple that she couldn't even try and fool herself that he was there to see her.

They had simply held hands, but the look in Clark's eyes when he gazed at Lois had been both possessive and blissful, his face so happy it hurt to see. When Lois left her seat to inspect the cakes in the display his eyes had followed, he'd made small talk but his mind was clearly not on the conversation. When Lois returned with a slice of chocolate cake, his eyes had flared and she'd had to look away from the hunger in his expression; a hunger that clearly had nothing to do with cake.

Every day for the past month Clark was the last thing she thought of when she went to sleep and the first thing she thought of when she woke up, his face constantly in her mind's eye. She wanted him to look at her the way he looked at Lois; he'd never looked at her like that. He used to look at her with longing, regret, sadness, love and sometimes a little awe, but he'd never looked at her with hunger and possession all tied together with contentment.

She'd spent the past month investigating spells trying to find anything that would allow her to change their past and had found one that could help, but the risks were high and she didn't think they were worth taking. She was tempted but after her last failure she wanted something that was guaranteed to succeed, something that couldn't backfire, she didn't want to trust to chance a spell that could potentially be a gamble from the get go.

Truth be told, tempted didn't come close to describing how she felt, she wanted to do the spell so badly her back teeth ached. She'd looked into how it could be perfected, tried to figure out the weak spots and fix them, but so far hadn't been successful. But god how badly she wanted to do it, she wanted the look in Clark's eyes that he now carried for Lois; to be reserved only for her.

She hated knowing that he let Lois touch him, kiss him, that he had sex with Lois. Feeling the tears well up and spill down her cheeks she brushed them away impatiently. She'd had enough of crying, she wanted action, god she just wanted Clark. She wanted his hands on her, his mouth on hers; she wanted to feel him against her, to feel his body moving in hers, to look into his eyes as his body pierced hers.

Shaking her head, she walked to the kitchen table and sat down, her hand once again opening the spell book. She had to find something because she couldn't take this any longer, she couldn't be without him any longer. Her shaking hand picked up her wine glass, began to raise it to her lips and heaved it against the wall instead.

Seeing the shattered glass reminded her of her own broken dreams, she wanted Clark back; she was taking him back and if she had to sell her soul to the devil to do it she would. He'd said that he didn't love her, maybe he didn't, maybe he was lying to himself, but he had loved her, he HAD and he still would if not for Lois, if not for her own stupidity in marrying Lex. If she had to spend the rest of her life looking, if she ended up being an old woman before she found a way to fix their lives she would, but she would never, ever give up.

oOo

After lunch Lois and Clark decorated the tree, then she dragged him outside and proceeded to boss him around, telling him where to put the lights and other decorations, and once done to her satisfaction, she retreated back inside the kitchen, while he stayed outside to feed the animals and take care of other farm chores.

Once he'd taken care of the animals he climbed to the loft, and seeing the mattress was still laid out from the previous month decided to pack it and put it away. When he saw a piece of paper sticking out from the edge, he lifted the mattress, bent down to retrieve the paper, opened it and saw Lois' handwriting. Thinking his beloved had left him a note, he smiled and began to read; the smiled slipped from his face, the bed slid from his hand to thump back onto the floor, his legs automatically folded under him.

Fuck! Jo thought he was having an affair with Lana, she'd clearly written this note to Lois telling her so. He didn't know what in hell had ever made her think that he and Lana…god. He knew she hadn't been happy about their engagement, he knew that she'd tried to get him back with Lana, but to write this!

He wanted to show it to Lois so they could laugh about it, the way he'd teased her about all the other stuff Jo had done, but this wasn't remotely funny. Lois trusted him, but would she still trust him if she read a note from her younger self accusing him of cheating with Lana behind her back.

Lying down he tucked the note under the pillow and threw his arm over his eyes, why would she do it? They'd gotten along after the first two rocky days, they'd talked and enjoyed each other's company, why the hell would she try and ruin his life by getting Lois to believe he was cheating. She'd said that she wouldn't interfere with their relationship, and Jo was still Lois, younger or not she was still her. She wouldn't have said that only to turn around and write a bunch of bull about something that could be so damning and hurtful to her older self.

Ok as Lois said, if Jo had remembered anything when she went back, she might have tried to change her life but …his thoughts skidded to a halt. Maybe she wrote the note before deciding not to interfere with his and Lois' relationship? After all, the note was here in the loft where he'd been relegated. If she'd wanted to leave the note for Lois she wouldn't have left it where he could find it, so she must have given it to him but why would she write it in the first place and how in hell had he forgotten about it?

He knew without doubt that he'd never given her any reason to believe that he wanted Lana back, much less that they were having an affair. Maybe he hadn't destroyed it because he'd been intending to laugh about it with his fiancé when she returned. But the note didn't have a teasing vein to it, neither did it sound like Jo had been trying to stir up trouble just for the hell of it, the note was short and to the point and dead serious.

He wanted to know why she'd written it, when and why she'd given it to him and more importantly what he was going to do with it now. His first instinct was the burn the note, but if he did that, would it be tantamount to admitting he didn't trust Lois to trust him, even knowing the note had come from Jo?

"Clark what are you doing up here?" Hearing Lois' amused voice his arm lifted and his eyes flew to her face. For the moment he wasn't going to show her the note. Jo must have given it to him, why in hell he hadn't destroyed it he didn't know; but either way for now, he'd keep it to himself until he decided what he was going to do.

"I was going to pack up the bedding but ended up lying down instead." He held out his hand silently asking her to join him which she did, curling up beside him and throwing an arm over his waist. Pressing his lips against her head he hugged her tight and hoped he was doing the right thing by not showing her the note.

"You know, we haven't made love in the loft." He enticed, slipping his hand under her shirt to run over her back.

"Yes we have."

"Ok yeah, but that was on the couch."

"Which is still in the loft." She returned dryly.

"Well yeah but…"

"Hon I think we've done it everywhere at the farm except in your mom's bed, hell one time we even did it on the stairs and nearly broke our necks in the process."

"That was fabulous wasn't it?" He grinned at the memory of the two of them, laughing and sliding by increments down the steps while making love, neither of them able to wait the few moments it would have taken them to reach the bedroom.

"Yeah it was." She grinned in return, remembering trying to grasp onto the railings with one hand, the wall with her other, while her feet tried to dig deep into the steps to stop their descent all while he continued to move within her. That had been raunchy and fun and damned if she didn't want to do it again; until she remembered how sore her ass had been for days afterwards; then again Clark had certainly enjoyed rubbing soothing ointment into it, ok, she'd enjoyed that too.

"But it has been a while." He pouted, lifting her to lie on top of himself.

"Forget it and get that look out of your eye, it's too damn cold out here…"

"You won't be cold for long." He kissed her neck and trailed his lips to her ear hoping to get her in the mood. However, she soon let him know that it wasn't going to happen.

"Nuh uh, sorry Clark but until we go home; no sex."

"But…" He shut up when her eyebrow cocked "Fine, but just remember, I promised to screw your brains out every chance I get for the rest of our lives, and Superman always keeps his promises." He finished proudly.

"Don't worry I have every intention of making sure you keep that promise, but not in the middle of winter, in a drafty barn and on a cold mattress." She nodded back just as firmly then leant forward to kiss the sullen pout from his lips. When her head lifted, his rose as well keeping their lips pressed together, rolling her under him, his mouth coaxed hers until the kiss deepened, his hand slid under the front of her shirt rubbing her tummy then slid under her back to hold her closer against him.

Her hands slid under his shirt, their legs tangled and their mouths moved against each others, taking and giving, sharing and playing. Lifting his lips from hers, he saw that her eyes were still closed, her lips swollen; smiling in satisfaction he reached down and patted her bottom "Ok baby, no sex until we get home."

Her eyes flew open "You purposely got me all stirred up then have the gall to say no sex?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Rotten bastard."

"You stirred me up first."

"All I did was lie down, which you invited me to do." She pointed out drolly.

"See right there, that was your first mistake." He nodded emphatically.

"What was, lying down?"

"Uh huh, no actually I'm wrong, your first mistake was breathing; your second was lying down with me. Didn't your daddy ever tell you that good girls should never lie down with randy men who have designs on their body?" His face was dead straight, but his eyes gleamed, and his tone of voice was virtuous bordering on smug.

She licked her lips, sent him a sultry look from under her lashes and tugged his head back down. His eyes slid closed but instead of feeling her lips on his, her mouth moved to his ear "Nice try Mickey but you're still out of luck." She whispered softly then patted his cheek in consolation.

His eyes shot open, he pouted, huffed "Fine but I still think it's unfair the way you breathe and get me all excited then don't even put out; typical girl…." He fake sulked "…but when we get home….." He trailed off leaving the rest unfinished and sat up lifting her up beside him.

Lois laughed, rose and began to walk towards the stairs, turning around to address him before descending "You coming?"

"I still have to pack up the bedding, I'll be in soon." Nodding she walked down the stairs and out the barn. When he knew she was gone, he pulled out the note, put it in his wallet and decided to think about it later.

oOo

When he heard Lois sniffle at dinner Clark put it down to the cold weather; when she began to sneeze and sniffle during the night he thought she must have a cold, but when she woke up the next morning with a scratchy voice, blocked nose and began to cough he knew she had the flu.

"How do you feel baby?" Her eyes were over bright, her forehead warm.

"Like crap." She croaked out before sneezing and reaching for a tissue.

"I'm going to the drug store to get you something ok, do you feel like breakfast?" She nodded "What do you feel like?"

"I don't know Clark; stop asking me so many damned questions." She was also tetchy and cranky.

She climbed out of bed and tugged on her robe "Lo why don't you stay in bed."

"I'm not an invalid, I just have a cold."

"I think it's more than a cold babe."

"And you'd know this how?" She demanded between coughs "Go and make yourself useful and get me some freaking Aspirin." He sighed and nodded but didn't leave the farm until she'd had her shower, was dressed and was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Lois honey, I'm going to make you a warm honey and lemon drink ok?" Martha said solicitously.

Lois nodded and tried to send Clark a baleful look, but it lacked heat due to her watery eyes, sneezing and coughing "Have you already been to the store and come back?"

"Um no, I'm going now." She rolled her eyes and he was off.

As he didn't have the first clue what to give someone for the flu or what the best products were, he threw himself on the mercy of the staff and left 20 minutes later, considerably less in pocket but with a number of products that he hoped would do the trick.

"What on earth's all this stuff?" Lois asked pointing at the box and the huge bag he placed on the kitchen table before taking a seat beside her.

"I didn't know what to get you so I bought some of …. everything." He shrugged off-hand.

"Honestly Clark, when you entered the store, the staff must have rubbed their hands in glee." She coughed, upended the bag, spilt everything onto the table, stared, blinked, blinked again then turned to look at him with wide eyes.

His mom handed him a cup of coffee, took a seat opposite, looked at the products, bit her lip and turned her face away but not before he heard the light chuckle escape her lips. As he'd assiduously read the backs of each product in the store, he decided it was time to train the women in his life on the finer points on cold and flu medicine. But at Lois' non blinking stare; what started as a tutorial became a matter of explaining and defending himself instead.

"I didn't know what kind of cough you had, if it was viral or bacterial, if it was dry and tickly and needed to be suppressed; or if it was chesty and the phlegm needed to be broken down. And because I wasn't sure what your symptoms were, I bought something that would cover all contingencies." When Lois sighed and shook her head he explained further "They asked me all sorts of questions, really gross questions about phlegm and the colour of your mucus, and because I didn't know, suggested I should try this one." He picked up the cough mixture and handed it over "But I thought I'd better buy the other cough mixture as well just in case."

"And the different tablets?" Martha asked, valiantly suppressing her laughter; she kept her face straight but her lip quivered in betrayal.

"Well this one's good for a runny nose and to help Lois breathe easier." He pointed to the first box then pointed to the second "This one provides temporary relief from the symptoms of a runny nose, nasal congestion, headache, body aches and pains and fever." Reaching over he picked up the last box, quickly read the back to refresh his memory then held it up, gave it a gentle shake and proceeded to inform the ladies of the third box of tablets finer points "But this one's an all rounder. It's supposed to attack and reduce the duration and severity of the common cold symptoms, y'know cough, sore throat, stuffy nose, sneezing, runny nose, hoarseness and to give relief. It has a non drowsy day formula and night tablets to help you sleep, and best of all, it's completely natural."

"God you sound like a pharmacist." Lois began to laugh then began to cough finding it difficult to stop "Don't make me laugh again." She finally sputtered out after coughing and hacking for a few minutes.

"I got you the nasal spray to unblock your stuffed up nose; it's really fast acting but you can only use it for three days so I bought the Vicks as well." He scratched his head, sipped coffee and continued "The cough drops are so you'll have something to suck on in between doses of cough mixture." Then he quickly added the cautionary measure "But Lo, they're not lollies so make sure you only have them when you're supposed to, you don't want to overdose, ok?"

Her hand quickly lifted to her mouth, she nodded and exchanged a look with Martha, he pointed his finger at the next item "I got you these Puffs Plus Lotion tissues because they're unscented and soft. The shop girl said they're supposed to soothe and relieve so you're nose shouldn't get too sore with constant blowing, but I grabbed the ones that have aloe vera in them too."

Lois coughed away the little tickle in her throat "Ah Clark, what's with that?" She pointed to the box at the side.

"That's an air purifier; it'll cleanse the air of contaminants to help you breathe easier while you sleep." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the last item "Here, the pharmacist said I could have one free of charge."

"A lollie pop?" Lois asked taken aback.

"Uh huh…." His head bobbed rapidly "…and I picked yellow because that's lemon which has vitamin C; I thought that would be the best one, y'know for your cold and all."

She bit the inside of her cheek, looked at Martha and saw that her hand was curled up in front of her mouth; twirling the lollie pop in one hand, she wrapped her other arm around his waist and squeezed "You just gotta love him."

When he saw his mom nodding and smiling, the almost conspirational look of understanding exchanged between the two women in his life, he just shook his head and sighed.

Unfortunately Lois's cold did turn out to be the flu and he knew just how unwell she was feeling when he woke up on Monday morning, suggested she stay at home and instead of arguing, she nodded and curled down deeper into the covers.

He got up, had a shower, dressed and ate breakfast then came back into the bedroom with tablets, water and cough mixture, placing them on the bedside table he sat on the side of the bed and stroked her hair out of her eyes "Baby, I'm going to work ok?" She nodded "I'll be back at lunch time to see how you're doing but I want you to take these tablets before I go." She frowned "C'mon Lo, you need to take these and the cough mixture." Her head shook "Lois." He injected Superman authority into his voice which had her eyes cracking open "Please babe." He helped her to sit up, and watched while she took the medicine before sliding back down under the covers "Your phone is on the bedside table and so are the tissues, I want you to call me if you need me ok?" She nodded and pressing a kiss against her forehead, he rose, grabbed his briefcase, ensured that the central heating wasn't up so high that she'd suffocate from heat and after a quick peek with his x-ray vision saw she was fast asleep and left for work.

He hated to see her so sick, to hear the coughs wracking her chest, and hoped that when he came back at lunch time he'd find her feeling at least a little better.

oOo

"Hey Clark where's Lois?" He turned and smiled at Chloe.

"Home, she's still in bed, she's got the flu."

"Wow, she must be feeling pretty rotten if she's staying at home."

"She is, she didn't even argue when I told her to stay at home today." He replied shrugging "I hate seeing her so sick Chlo."

"I know but it is flu season and she doesn't have your immunity." Patting his arm she walked with him to his desk and sat on the edge "Give her chicken soup and toast, it's supposed to work. She might not feel like eating but at least if she has some soup, she's getting something in her stomach."

He nodded and smiled "Thanks Chlo I will, but first I'd better go and explain to Perry that Lois won't be in today and probably not tomorrow either."

After leaving Perry's office he called his mom and asked her if she could make some chicken soup for Lois as he was at work and didn't want to give her tinned stuff, then got down to work on his assignment. The morning passed swiftly, following up leads, chasing down sources with a quick Superman rescue in between. Just before 12.30 he left work, stopped in Smallville to pick up the soup and headed home.

Returning to the apartment he found Lois still in bed fast asleep, and shook her awake "Sorry Lo you have to take your medicine again." She sat up and began to cough, deep hacking sounds that came from her chest and tearing out of her throat. He rubbed her back gently and when she quietened, held her cradled in one arm and insisted she take the tablets and cough mixture. Her face scrunched up but reaching out she swallowed the tablets and cough mixture and once done began to climb out of bed "Baby where are you going?" He held her still refusing to let her move.

"Bathroom and then shower" If he wasn't Superman he doubted her would have heard her at all, her voice was so soft it was barely audible. He picked her up, carried her to the bathroom and waited outside, but when he heard the flush and the sound of the shower running he pushed the door open and stepped inside "Do you have the energy to stand up to have a shower Lo?"

"I feel yucky." He nodded, spun out of his clothes and ushered her into the shower, holding her upright, he filled the shower puff, quickly soaped her down and rinsed her off, but when he began to turn the taps off her, her hand reached out and batted his arm "My hair."

"I don't think you should get your hair wet Lo."

"Please Clark, it feels icky."

"Ok, but afterwards I'm going to dry your hair and then you're going to eat the soup I brought you deal?" She nodded tiredly, he quickly washed her hair, turned off the taps, dried her with a towel then carried her back into the bedroom. Wrapping her in a warm robe, he sat her down in one of the armchairs and dried her hair, giving it a quick comb through when it was done. Pressing a kiss against her forehead he changed the bed linen, propped up the pillows and carried her back to bed. "I'll be back in a sec ok, I'm just going to get the soup mom made." He could see her eyes were starting to close but he wanted her to have something in her stomach. He quickly dressed, went to the kitchen and was back moments later "Lo, I want you to eat." Her head slowly began to shake back and forth but almost instantly stopped "C'mon baby eat please, just try a few mouthfuls." She managed to finish half the soup before falling back asleep.

Placing the tray on the floor, he laid her down, snuggled the blankets up to her chin, retreated to the kitchen, made himself a sandwich which was swiftly eaten and after a last quick check on Lois he was once again back at work.

This was one thing he really hated, he found it hard to understand what Lois was going through, he'd been sick years ago but didn't even remember what it felt like. Being weak and defenceless from Kryptonite was one thing, but as his strength began to return and the debilitation passed once he was away from the stuff, he couldn't use that to compare how Lois was feeling just from having a bug in her system.

He'd never seen Lois this sick from the flu; listening to her struggling to breathe, having to sleep sitting up with her cradled in his arms because lying down was too uncomfortable for her, coughing so hard he was afraid she was going to break a rib, and he hated the feeling of helpless impotence that was all too reminiscent of when she'd died and he couldn't do anything to help her.

By Wednesday she began to show signs of life, she clearly hated feeling weak and being restricted to the apartment but he knew she wasn't well enough to go back to work and insisted on her staying at home. However, she was still stubborn as hell and in the end only compromised on staying at home for one more day if she could work on her laptop. Expecting her to last all of an hour or two before she fell asleep, he went to work happier than he had been since the weekend, knowing that she was well on her way to recovery now that she was back to sniping at him for babying her.

oOo

Lois sat up against the headboard with the laptop perched on her knees and wondered how long she could keep her eyes open. She didn't feel like working but had to make a point to Clark that she didn't need to be babied, she was a grown woman capable of knowing if she was up to working or not, then scowled knowing his insistence on her staying at home was the right call.

She felt like crap; actually to feel like crap she'd have to feel a whole lot better first.  
Deciding to keep busy she began to clean out her personal files, opening one document, giving it a quick scan then hitting delete before moving onto the next. When she found a document titled 'from me to me' she opened it and began to read. At first she enjoyed the missive, chuckling, snorting in laughter, feeling highly entertained, but soon her expression sobered then changed to a frown which became more pronounced the longer she kept reading.

When she finished she closed the document, turned the computer off and pushed it to the side. After lying back down her eyes closed while mind turned over everything Jo had written to her.

So Jo had seen that Lana was in love with Clark; that wasn't surprising considering Jo was her, but it was everything else she'd revealed which had her stewing.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello

Firstly, just to put everyone in the picture: the note Clark found in the loft is the one Jo wrote and gave to him before Lana did the forget spell. Lois meanwhile has found a letter from Jo to herself on her computer; you'll get to read it soon.

Now the first chapter was just to ease you in, but from here the gloves come off, and I start debunking all the romantic Clark/Lana bilge the show tried to get me to swallow. You've read Regression, so you know what to expect. However, please be aware there is highly sensitive material in this portion of the story, but let me assure you it's only with this character that I am referring. I care very much about people's lives, and am extremely sensitive to the pain and heartache people go through, and how their friends and family are affected by this type of situation. This is just my interpretation of this character.

BTW: Don't forget in this story, after the Lana/Lex divorce, Clark went to do his training and Lana went to Paris, they did not get back together.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 2**

_Day: 21st December_

Having Lois back at work with him was great, not having to listen while she coughed and sneezed, sniffed and coughed struggling to breathe was even better, but he noted that she appeared to be distracted and sometimes off her stride. When he asked what was wrong she shrugged and said nothing; that she was just trying to get back into the game after the flu, but he knew that something was on her mind, and for the first time in a long time she wasn't sharing it with him.

Clark tried to ignore it, hoping that she'd feel comfortable enough to tell him what was wrong but she stayed silent. He wanted to demand that she tell him what was worrying her, but had to respect her privacy and hoped that she would soon open up and talk to him.

The worst part was that he felt almost as uncomfortable as when they first began dating. They hadn't made love while she sick which was understandable, but for the past three nights, Lois had kissed him goodnight, cuddled into him and fallen asleep. He'd lain awake for hours, either gazing at her or at the ceiling, wanting to touch her, wanting to make love, but unsure if his approach would be welcome.

He didn't think whatever was on her mind had to do with him or their relationship, and hoped to god he was right. He knew that she loved him, but couldn't help wondering if she was losing interest in him physically. She didn't try to instigate anything, nor give him the opportunity to do so, but at the same time she slept in his arms.

From the time they began sleeping together, they'd had an active healthy sex life; it was rare for them not to make love either at night or in the morning, and quite often more than once. He'd heard some guys at work bemoan the fact their wives and girlfriends didn't want sex as often as they did, and he'd always been quietly smugly pleased that wasn't something he could say about Lois. Now he knew just how those men felt. Everything had been fine until she was sick, he hated her being sick, but couldn't help hoping that whatever was wrong was just tied in with that.

His mind ran in circles looking for answers; maybe she was still tired and didn't feel like sex, maybe she was pissed off with him for some reason that he was supposed to know about, but he didn't feel that was it either. There was something wrong, and whatever it was had her pulling away from him; all he knew was that he didn't like the feeling of separation that was growing between them.

His eyes lifted to find her sitting at her desk. She looked as if her mind was totally on her work but it wasn't. He knew her too well to be fooled. She was upset but trying to hide it and he felt his heart twist at her refusal to share it with him.

Sighing he turned back to his computer, they were leaving for Smallville the day after tomorrow, if she didn't tell him what was wrong before they left he was going to force it out of her. Whatever was wrong he wanted to know about it. She never shut him out anymore, and he didn't like the feeling now that she was doing it again.

oOo

Looking back over all the little instances, over all the times she'd seen Lana since the first time they'd met up again after Clark returned, all the times Lana had come to Metropolis, the times they had spent together, Lois couldn't believe how blind she'd been.

Jo was right, Lana hated her. She'd known the other woman didn't like her and had easily figured out it was because she was with Clark, but hate was such a strong word. Yet now that Jo had opened her eyes to the truth, she knew deep in her bones that her feeling of uncomfortableness around Lana, was simply her internal alarm to Lana's hatred of her, and she didn't understand how she hadn't seen it before.

She flipped through her rolodex, picked up the phone, quickly pushed buttons, waited for the call to be answered then made her request, patiently repeating herself from one secretary to the next. Finally she was put through to the person she needed to speak to and requested an appointment hoping that she wouldn't be refused.

oOo

"Clark." He looked up from the computer screen and into her eyes "I have an appointment, so I'll see you later ok?"

"Appointment, what appointment and who's it with?" He frowned.

"It's nothing, just something for one of my articles; y'know to tie up the loose ends."

"Which article?" He asked quietly knowing that she was lying to him; he'd heard her pulse pick up and didn't know whether to feel sad that she was lying to his face or angry.

"Just one that Perry gave me, I want to finish it before we leave for Smallville so I'll see you when I get back ok?" He nodded, she smiled and with a backward wave made her way to the elevators.

Once the doors closed, he sped up the stairs to the roof, changed into his Superman suit and waited for her to exit the building, watching as she got in a cab and began to follow, then swore loud and long when the sound of screeching brakes and horns split the air. Knowing he had to help, he swooped down and was soon caught up in one near disaster after another, by the time he was free more than two hours had passed, and when he returned to the newsroom he found Lois back at her desk working.

oOo

She hated lying to Clark but if she'd told him where she was going he would have insisted on going with her and this was one conversation she wanted, needed to handle alone.

She was ushered into the office, Lex stood up, inclined his head and gestured her to a seat. "Hello Lois, I must say your phone call intrigued me, would you care for some coffee or a drink?" When she nodded and requested coffee he gestured to his secretary, re-took his seat and made small talk until the coffee was delivered "Thank you Mrs Branch." He excused his secretary then turned and fixed his eyes on Lois again "You said that you needed to talk to me, that it was personal…." His voice trailed off and he looked at her enquiringly.

Blowing out a breath, she picked up the coffee and sipped before placing the cup back down "Do you remember when you were engaged to Lana, I was unconscious in the Medical Centre but no one knew why?" At his nod she explained what had happened the previous month, telling him only what she felt was pertinent, including her younger self being in her body.

He listened without interruption, lit a cigar and sipped his coffee until she finally ran down, then sat up and leant his elbows on his desk "Ok, so why have you come to me, do you think that I'm responsible?" He asked amused.

"No, I don't think you had anything to do with it." At his lifted brows she smiled faintly "Lex, there are a lot of things I believe you're responsible for, but hocus-pocus has never been one of them." Shaking her head she continued "However, when Clark was trying to figure out who could be responsible, Lana mentioned that 8 years ago you could have done it, but your past self just didn't know it at the time."

His lips tilted in a lop-sided smile "And that's why Superman came to see me last month I assume; go on."

"Clark didn't believe it either but…" She ignored his amused snort and went on "…but yes that's why Superman came to see you."

"Ok, but if you don't think it was me then why are you here?"

"I want to talk to you about Lana." When his eye brows lifted she pressed on "You and Lana were married, even though it was only for a few months, living with her day in and day out, you would have gotten to know her pretty well, right?" At his nod, she explained further "I just…I need to ask you something."

"If you wanna know if I think Clark is screwing Lana behind your back, then yes."

"No Lex, it's not that, I don't believe that."

"Then you're a fool Lois, and that was one thing I never thought you would be. If Clark's not cheating on you already, he will, and more than likely it will be with Lana; the only person either of them gives a damn about is themselves. What they want is all that matters and to hell with anyone else." He shook his head in pity at the disbelief on her face.

"Lex I know you loved Lana but …."

"_**Loved**_ being the operative word..." He stressed "...yes I loved her. I wasn't an innocent when I got involved with her, but I really did want to make her happy; that however, was a very long time ago." He said with finality, making it clear his past feeling were just that; past "I used to love Clark like a brother too; that was also a very long time ago. I couldn't give a happy damn about either of them now." Leaning back in his chair he puffed on his cigar, tapped out the ash and said quietly "And if you don't open your eyes and see Clark for what he is, one day you'll feel the same way I do, because I guarantee he and Lana will screw you over, and they won't care how they do it." When her face stayed stubborn he shrugged fatalistically; knowing that she would find out the truth for herself soon enough.

"I appreciate the warning but I don't need it." She ignored his small scoff and doggedly pushed on with her reason for coming to see him "I need to talk to you about Lana; I wanna ask you something."

"I'm surprised that you'd be interested in anything I have to say or that you'd believe me." He said with a touch of humour.

"Lex, you and I are the only two people I know who see Lana clearly. I've never seen her through rose coloured glasses and you're no one's fool." At his nod "You loved her but tell me truthfully, did you ever see her as faultless?"

His head shook back and forth "No, I loved her, thought I could trust her, but did I think she was perfect, no." He picked up his coffee and sipped "She could be irritating, quite often childish and…exacting, but we all have out shortcomings, our little idiosyncrasies that can annoy or rankle; no one's flawless, so I just accepted it as being part of her." He shrugged and sipped his coffee again before placing the cup back down.

Lois nodded in agreement "Do you think she could be dangerous?" She enquired without hesitation, getting to the crux of what she wanted to know.

"Why do you ask?"

She took a deep breath "I found a letter from my younger self, in it she mentioned that Lana hated me, and I want to know if you think she could be dangerous."

Lex cocked his head and asked quietly "Tell me, does your younger self believe that Lana hates you because she's in love with Clark, and you have him?"

"Why do you think Lana's in love with Clark?"

"You're here, you're engaged to Clark, you've just told me what your younger self believes; it's a simple enough deduction." He shrugged carelessly.

She nodded "Yes, Lana's in love with Clark."

"Then yes, she's dangerous." He replied simply inclining his head "Lois, I've been where you are now; Clark tried to kill me when I was engaged to Lana, and yet **I** had to mention the incident, before he bothered choking out the most grudging, half assed apology he could manage." Lex shook his head in scorn "I laughed in his face of course. His 'I'm really a nice guy and it was an accident' air was such a wasted effort; he just couldn't hide the fact that he wasn't sorry. It was clear that as far as he was concerned, my sins were so big, that his didn't matter at all."

Lex leaned back in his seat and continued quietly "It's really kind of funny in a way, if he hadn't given me that pathetic excuse for an apology, I probably could have believed he was genuinely ashamed of his actions in the heat of the moment, and just couldn't face me with it…." Lex smiled faintly in reflection and although his eyes were on Lois' face, she didn't think he wasn't seeing her; and she was right. His minds eye had cast him back into the barn with Clark 8 years previous "…but it was no longer the heat of the moment. He'd had plenty of time to think about what he'd done." He blinked and Lois knew he was back in the now "While we were friends, I don't know how many times I apologised to Clark. For spying on him, for one transgression or another that he'd decided I was guilty off; he'd all but made me grovel at times. Yet after almost killing me, he not only had the _audacity _to still harp on about _my_ sins, he couldn_'t_ even find it in his heart to be sorry for his own." Lex smiled in pitiable amusement "Do you know that was like an epiphany to me, I'd been trying to figure him out for years; good guy, bad guy, whatever the hell, but in that moment everything finally slotted into place, and I truly saw him for the first time. I knew then that regardless of appearances, despite the nice guy image he portrayed to the world, Clark Kent was no different, no better than me, and I was _**never**_ taken in by him again."

He tapped the ash from his cigar negligently "As for Lana, well unless you have several hours free, you don't have time to listen to all the shit that she pulled while we were together." He paused to puff on his cigar "If Clark or Lana thought someone was trying to take something that they considered theirs, or if they thought anyone was trying to come between them, then that person had to be removed, and it didn't matter how they did it." He finished quietly and distinctly "Despite the butter wouldn't melt in their mouth façade, I don't believe there's much either of them isn't capable off. So to sum up, is Lana dangerous; yes…." He inclined in his head "…but then so is Clark."

She kept her eyes straight on his "That was a long time ago Lex. Clark was young and stupid and wrong. He knows it Lex; he knows he was wrong, he knows he was a fucking moron, he wouldn't do that now." Picking up her coffee she sipped at the rich dark brew, warming her hands around the cup.

"But you think Lana could or you wouldn't have come to me to have your suspicions confirmed." She nodded slightly causing him to further enquire "Has Lana tried to get Clark back?"

"Yes but he turned her down." She replied.

"Sex can be a very powerful weapon wouldn't you say?" She nodded but he could see the puzzlement in her eyes at his question "Ok, so take away the sappy picture of teenagers in love; didn't you ever find it.…odd that Clark and Lana had been dating for such a short time before they had sex?"

"They were teenagers; we were all like that." Lois shrugged, wondering where the conversation was headed "Besides the two of them had been fluttering around each other for ages beforehand."

"True, but they were both virgins Lois. Two inexperienced kids tend to take longer to decide if they're ready to go down that path, as opposed to those who are already sexually active. After the first time, you might or might not wait to have sex when entering a new relationship, but the first time is different especially for a girl. They know that once the deed is done it can't be taken back, so they want to make sure they're ready. Is it the right boy, the right time, the right place; all of this means that it's usually a pretty big decision on the girls part." He lifted his brows and when she nodded in confirmation, he continued "You said they fluttered around each other; ok, well the way I understand it Lana had been nagging at Clark for years about not being sure if she could trust him or not, and that's why they hadn't gotten together beforehand. In point of fact, I also know that she still had her issues with him after they began dating, because she complained to me about it. So..." He leant forward and asked pointedly "Wouldn't a girl who had SO many issues with trust, be even more cautious when having sex for the first time; _especially_ with the boy she'd had so many doubts about previously?"

Lois blew out a breath and nodded taking his point "Yeah she would, she'd wanna make sure that she wasn't making a mistake."

"It's logical isn't it?" He asked rhetorically before shrugging one shoulder "In bed women are at their most vulnerable simply because men are naturally stronger, as such trust in your partner has to be essential. You might not think about it consciously, but even with a one night stand trust is given instinctively, and I'm not talking hearts and flowers here; a woman has to trust that a man won't hurt her in bed correct?" Lois nodded again "So why would Lana trust Clark with her body so quickly, when she'd been mistrustful of him with her heart for years?"

"I don't know, but she knew Clark so she knew that he wouldn't hurt her." Lois put in quietly.

"She'd known him for years, but she still hadn't trusted him." He countered softly, lifting his cup to sip at the contents.

"You think she had a reason; you don't think it was just teenage love?"

He gave a half smile "Lana had a number of boyfriends that she dated for a hell of a lot longer than the whole time she and Clark were together. One minute she was with Jason, the next she declaring herself in love with Clark, and the two of them were having sex." He paused and then asked "I'm sure you've heard the old joke about what men and floor tiles have in common."

She rolled her eyes and recounted "If you lay them both right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life."

His lips crooked in a smile "Exactly."

Lois' eyebrows lifted "You think she had sex with him to what…. keep him infatuated with her?"

"Yes." He replied simply "It wouldn't have made any difference if she was good or lousy, it was his first time too, but just the fact that Lana; the girl he'd been crazy about for years was letting him be the first would have been enough. Clark really was the moronic kind of twit who'd think she was wonderful for saving herself for him." At this Lex gave a short bark of laughter "Saving herself for him. What a bunch of bull! I wouldn't be surprised if she thought of 'giving it up'…" His crooked his fingers in the quote sign "…to one or all of her boyfriends in a desperate bid to hold onto them."

He picked up his coffee again but instead of drinking gestured with the cup instead "Clark had dreamed of being with Lana for years; the longer she held him off the more he wanted her, and eventually she became his brass ring. If he could _just get Lana, he could do anything, be anyone_; she **became** the ultimate prize to him. But dreams of that magnitude hardly ever live up to reality." Lois nodded in agreement "Lana knew that once they were together, it wouldn't be long before Clark started seeing her as a real person, and not just as his fantasy girl; and what's the best way to keep someone off balance, and not have them look too far beneath the surface of a new relationship; sex." He shrugged lazily "Clark had been yapping at her heels for years, Lana had to give the dog a treat to keep him sweet, so she gave him the biggest treat she had; her virginity."

"She was a teenager Lex, you know what it's like at that age; hormones churning, the heat of the moment, sex talked about everywhere." Lois protested.

"Yes Lois I do remember what that's like…." He nodded taking a lazy puff on his cigar "…but let me ask you this. How would you describe Clark was as a teenager; overly sentimental, happily wore his heart on his sleeve for Lana, ready to tell anyone and everyone how much he loved her?"

She smiled in droll amusement "Yeah; that pretty much sums him up."

"Ok, then let me tell you something; contrary to Clark's example, and regardless of the gushy romantic claptrap they show on TV, teenage boys as a rule aren't interested in sitting around discussing their _**feelings**__. _Men in general aren't comfortable with that as I'm sure you're aware…" His brow quirked, she nodded in agreement "…but the teenage boy is even less so." Lex smiled slightly "You mentioned hormones; well in a teenage boy, sex and body parts pretty much become an obsession. The subject of sex takes over their mind, body and soul, and they're sometimes ashamed of it, until they realise the other boys are feeling the same way." She nodded in understanding "From their mid teens up, most boys will nail just about anything they can get their hands on…" He gave a half smile remembering his own youthful experiences "….but Clark wasn't like most teenage boys, LANA was his obsession not sex, and she knew that too. By giving him her virginity so early in their relationship, she knew what a boy like Clark would think after yearning for her for so long." Lois rolled her eyes; he nodded and smiled "Precisely; she was even more _amazing_ than he realised, even with all her boyfriends she'd saved herself for love just as he had, this _proved_ they belonged together, blah, blah; and I have no doubt his thoughts really were that stomach churning." Lex finished dryly and rolled his own eyes in return.

Lois blew out a breath, reached into her purse and took out a cigarette "You mind?"

He shook his head and reached over to light her cigarette "Still trying to give up?"

"Yeah, but it's damn hard." She shrugged and made a slight face at the stick that was held between her fingers.

"I don't even bother trying." He smirked and puffed on his cigar "I enjoy it too much."

"That's why it's so hard." She replied so dryly that he grinned "Anyway…" She gestured with her hand for him to continue.

"Anyway by now Lana had Clark well and truly hog tied. He'd wanted her for years, she was finally his and even better he'd been her first; the guy must have thought he'd hit the jackpot in virgin heaven." Lex paused and took a sip his coffee "But for all of her sacrifice, suddenly and without warning he dumped her only a few months later; and Lana doesn't take rejection well." He finished softly but with meaning.

"What'd you mean?"

"I mean that Lana can give rejection, she's big on snubbing people and discarding boyfriends, but she can't handle it when a she's dumped in return. She's a complete narcissist, which in turn gives her an immense ego, and because of that she has all the backbone of a jelly fish." At Lois' lifted brows, Lex quietly asked "Let me ask you this, when your first boyfriend broke up with you, the first boy you had sex with, what'd you do?" When she shook her head in confusion he elaborated "Did you cry; beg him to take you back, what?"

She shrugged, took a deep drag on the cigarette and blew out a stream of smoke "Well I didn't beg him to take me back. I cried, hated him for a while, threw away anything that he gave me and eventually I got over it."

"That's a normal reaction wouldn't you say?" At her nod "Did you ever at any time try to kill yourself to see your dead mother?"

"WHAT? No!"

"Lana did." At the shock on Lois' face, Lex nodded softly "When Clark broke up with her she couldn't take it. She handled it by giving into experimentation which basically made her flat-line, just so she could see her dead parents; to spend time with people who had loved her."

"You've gotta be kidding." She shook her head in disbelief, all her senses offended that anyone would do that.

"I assure you it's no joke; hundreds of teenagers kill themselves when they break up with their girlfriend or boyfriend. They can't handle the thought of being alone, not wanted by the person they like, and it's damned sad when such a young life full of promise and expectation is wasted, just gone." He shook his head and sighed deeply.

"Yes it is." Lois agreed softly.

Lex nodded and continued calmly "Lana almost became one of them. I'm not going to say that she wasn't hurting big time because she was; we've all been through it so we know just how painful it is..." Lois nodded "...but what made it even worse, was that Clark had pursued her for years. I mean the guy had all but told her she was an angel dropped from heaven straight into his arms, and that's pretty heady stuff for a young girl." Lois nodded again in understanding "So when he broke up with her after they'd been dating for only a short time it cut very deep, but I think what took the hardest beating was her ego."

Lex paused, took a puff on his cigar and sipped his coffee "If she had broken up with him, it would have been a different story altogether. You were there for a couple of years Lois, I was there for a few years before you, but unless you were completely unperceptive, you must have seen Lana leading Clark around town by his dick." She nodded minutely in resignation, his lip quirked in acknowledgment "She did it for years, long before you arrived. She pulled him close one moment then pushed him away the next, and all the while she rubbed his nose in the fact that she was dating other boys. She enjoyed doing it, enjoyed knowing she had that power, and I can further attest that she didn't give a rat's ass that Clark was hurt by her feckless attitude." He puffed on his cigar and shook his head in disgust "Clark insisted on seeing Lana as a gentle sensitive female, he just didn't want to acknowledge that the girl he liked, actually had all the sensitivity of a sledge hammer. But, when they were dating, and for the first time in his life he actually spurned her, she couldn't take it and folded." He finished, tapping the ash from his cigar.

"Shit!" Lois rubbed her temple, and lifted a shaking hand to draw on her cigarette before blowing out a stream of smoke.

"Hmm, for most of the time we were together, including while we were married, Clark never stopped…..hounding Lana, I'd say that's a fairly accurate description. He said it was to be there for her, to be her friend, but that's utter bullshit and everyone knew it." At Lex's winged eyebrow, Lois nodded in wry agreement, he nodded in return and gestured with his cup "Now Lana may be a lot of things, but she was **never **stupid when it came to Clark's less than subtle intentions. She loved having him back on his knees, you know why?" At Lois' headshake "Because he'd dumped her. A boy had rejected HER! That was totally unacceptable; especially a boy that had been pandering to her vanity for years."

He sipped the coffee, placed the cup down, balanced his cigar in the ashtray then lifted his hand and he began to count "She knew three things; he'd hate knowing that she was with someone else; that no matter what happened, he'd see her as the innocent victim and three, he'd want her back." Lex shrugged, picked up his cigar and puffed "And she was right on all three counts. She played the injured, emotionally wounded ex girlfriend to the hilt, and Clark well pfft...he was never the brightest spark; he fell for her games, hook, line and sinker. She had to punish him for discarding her you see, and what better way to do it then by keeping him guessing as to whether she intended to leave me, and take him back again or not."

Lois raked a hand through her hair "But that doesn't make her dangerous."

"She doesn't like to be thwarted Lois, NOT EVER! If you take away all the wrappings, peel away all the layers, do you know what Lana's core characteristic is?" At her head shake "She doesn't like to lose. We both know that can be a good thing if used in the right way, athletes train hard for years to be the best, people work hard to succeed but Lana doesn't like being told no. Not in any way, shape or form; and if someone tells her no, then heaven help them. She'll be winsome, she'll be enchanting even, but underneath it all, she'll be as merciless as a great white shark until she gets what she wants."

She sipped the last of her coffee then put the cup back down "You think she'll keep trying to get Clark back?"

"Yes, and she'll see you as nothing more than an obstacle in her way. She might try and seduce him or she might try to disarm him with coy charm, but what she won't do is give a fuck that you're engaged to him; or care whether he wants her back or not. If she wants him, she'll do everything she can to get him, and she won't stop until she wins." He sipped his coffee "Frankly I was amazed when they didn't get back together after our divorce. Clark was always weak willed and spineless where Lana was concerned, and she would have needed him to give her the strokes, and build up her traumatised post divorce psyche…." He shook his head and smiled gratefully "…it was just as well for me they didn't."

"Why?" She asked curiously.

"Because right now I'd be as poor as a church mouse, which is not something I've ever desired to be." At Lois' quirked eyebrow, Lex grinned "I would have bet everything I owned on the two of them running into each other's arms, then quickly standing back to back; like cowboys in some kind of campy spaghetti western, staunchly ready to defend their love from all comers." A snigger escaped Lois, he chuckled and the two of them shared a burst of laughter before sobering "The fact that she ever took her claws out of him long enough, to even give him a chance to become involved with you or anyone else, is an even bigger miracle than the virgin birth." He said so dryly that her lips twitched again.

"Do you trust Clark?" He asked soberly without a hint of humour, at her nod, he shook his head and sighed "Then I think you should watch your step and don't turn your back on her. You have good instincts Lois; use them."

She nodded, stubbed her cigarette out in the ashtray, rose and held out her hand, his brows rose but he placed his hand in hers and smiled when she gave it a firm shake "Thanks Lex, I know we'll always be at each other; you know that I won't give up, and I know that you won't either, but thank you for being straight with me and for taking me seriously."

He nodded, and began to usher her to the door but held up a hand, went back to his desk, unlocked a drawer and fiddled around before returning and holding out a card for her to take "Lois, don't trust her, and for gods sakes don't trust Clark so much that you let him tear you apart." At her slight smile, he shook his head again "And thank you…." At her lifted brow "….for not believing I was responsible."

"Just so you know, Clark and Superman didn't think so either, but Superman checked you out as a matter of form anyway." Nodding his head and giving her a wry smile, he ushered her out and went back to his desk.

So Lana had tried to implicate him, his ex wife was some piece of work but he wasn't in the least surprised. She had a vengeance streak a mile wide but hid it behind a sugary smile; if people only knew the smile hid the soul of a hellcat.

At least two of his ex-wives had had the decency to try and kill him quickly; at the time he'd been a little upset; but after being married to the frigid harpy, he'd come to appreciate just how merciful they'd tried to be with him. From Desiree, one bullet; either in the head or through the heart courtesy of Jonathan Kent and it would have been all over. From Helen one plane crash, his body blown to smithereens, all over; but Lana had tried to kill him slowly and torturously; from sheer boredom in bed to her constant belly-aching out of it.

He wished he could say that he didn't understand why Lois trusted Clark, but he'd been there, so unfortunately he did understand. It was a shame really, Lois was usually so intuitive about people, she had both him and Lana pegged dead right, but Clark was a blind spot to her. He didn't know how the man had managed to slip under her radar, but she'd have to discover the truth about him the hard way. Deception wasn't the kind of thing a person accepted about someone they loved, from anyone but themselves. He'd been caught in that net on more than one occasion, and had fucked up as a consequence, so he hadn't bothered wasting time arguing with her; but it just went to show that love could make fools of even the brightest, most perceptive of people.

He'd love to see Lois publicly humiliate Clark by dumping him for Superman and had to admit to feeling petty for wanting it, but shrugged it off; petty or not, it'd be damn good entertainment, and he'd enjoy every moment of it.

Picking up his pen he began to go over his notes and paused; if he could do hocus-pocus, if he could be bothered with that shit, the one mistake he'd correct would be to stop himself from ever marrying his bitch of an ex-wife in the first place, and not just any bitch of an ex-wife, Lana Lang in particular.

Maybe it was time he took care of the ex-Mrs Luthor? No, right now he had more important things to do. She was nothing more than a minor irritant, actually she was less than that; he'd deal with her when he was ready and not before.

He looked back down at the paperwork on his desk, scanned the first line, his pen in constant motion scratching out several adjustments; by the time he'd finished correcting errors and making changes on the first paragraph, the ex-Mrs Luthor had already been banished from his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lois sat at her desk in the newsroom contemplating all that Lex had said; he'd all but laughed when she told him that Clark hadn't agreed with Lana about him being responsible for what had happened, but she knew that was because there was a time Lana could have told Clark the earth was flat and he would have believed it, so she'd understood his scepticism and ignored it. But when he'd spoken about Lana and Clark, when he'd warned her against trusting them, his voice didn't have so much as a tinge of humour, his eyes had stayed steady on hers and he'd been completely sincere.

She trusted Clark so she didn't agree with Lex's assessment, but sad as it was to admit, she could understand why he felt as he did about Clark and Lana. He hadn't come out of his dealings with them unscathed. He said it himself, he was no innocent but he'd been royally screwed over by both of them. In the eyes of the world he'd come out of the marriage looking like a ruthless callous bastard, they had come out of the ordeal completely unsullied; and although Lex hadn't been completely innocent, neither had their behaviour been irreproachable and untainted by sin.

When Clark had reiterated Lex's conversation with Superman to her, his eyes had carried both shame and sadness at being reminded of his past. Chasing after Lana when she was with Lex wasn't something she approved off, but she had been able to put his behaviour down to the arrogance of youth, and believing the world well lost for love. However, his attack on Lex was something she could never give him any comforting words for; and she knew that Lex's reminder had cut him a lot deeper than he outwardly showed anyone. Her heart hurt that regardless of all the good he'd done for the world, that act was one of the hard things Clark would forever have to live with.

When Lex had mentioned Clark's attack on him; he hadn't said it to shock, he hadn't spoken as if he was about to reveal some deep dark secret; he'd been matter of fact as if he'd expected her to already know about the incident.

That was kind of comforting in a way. Lex didn't believe Clark would be faithful to her, but in some part of his heart he did believe that Clark loved and trusted her enough to tell her about what he'd done. Clark would never have told her about that incident otherwise; an incident so contemptible most people would give their soul to hide it, especially from the person they loved.

For the first time since Clark had told her what he'd done the night he kidnapped Lana from her engagement party, she was grateful. If she hadn't already known when Lex mentioned it, she never would have been able to hide her shock or distress, and the first thing she would have done upon returning to work was to break up with Clark. Thank god Clark had told her. It had still been hard hearing it from Lex, her stomach had heaved the same way it had when Clark first told her, but at least she hadn't been blindsided.

She and Clark had never really discussed it, he'd told her, and her reaction had been one of abhorrence. It had taken some time for her to get past it, but just as Clark preferred not to dwell on it, she felt likewise. However, Lex's mention of it stirred her thoughts, and her mind took wings flying back to the night Clark had confessed all.

It was a few weeks after Christmas, he'd told her he loved her two months previous, and in the 8 months they'd been dating he'd slowly revealed more and more of his past to her. He hadn't told her everything in one shot, he'd smiled and said he didn't want to shock her all at once, but nothing could have prepared her for what he had to reveal that night.

They'd handed in a fantastic article to Perry before leaving work, had returned to Clark's apartment to eat a lovely dinner; and were relaxing on the couch and drinking crisp, white wine. Soft music was playing in the background, and she was feeling pleasantly replete and basically just good all over.

"Um Lo, I need to tell you something and …."

"Right now you can tell me anything as long as the wine keeps flowing…." She stretched lazy as a cat "…and maybe you could throw in a massage as inducement." She wiggled her eyebrows and was surprised when instead of taking her up on her offer; he reacted by removing his arm from around her waist, sitting up straight and sending an uncomfortable look in her direction.

"I…no, I need to tell you something and you're probably going to be a little shocked but …." His voice was quiet and hesitant; she smiled hoping to put him at his ease.

"Clark if you don't feel comfortable sharing, then it's not the right time." She reached over and stroked his thigh "Talking _can_ be extremely over rated you know."

"No, I have to tell you but …ok." He picked up her hand from his thigh and began to toy with her fingers "Do you remember the night Lana and Lex got engaged…no of course you don't, um…you don't right?"

Well he obviously wasn't in the mood for fun and games, he needed to talk; usually when he told her about something he'd done in the past, it was because he needed to get it of his chest. She didn't begrudge him the need to do so, but he'd picked a hell of a time to play _true confessions_ just when she was ready to play _doctor_ "No, that day's still a blank." She said with a soft sigh of resignation.

He nodded, let go of her hand and swallowed some wine "As you know I was …um kinda jealous that Lana was with Lex." She smiled in rueful amusement and nodded again "Well I…hell."

"Clark." She began impatiently "Either tell me or don't but…"

"I don't want to Lo." He said, cutting her of softly "I don't want you to know this about me; it's something that I hate remembering about myself so I try to push it from my mind but…" He hesitated, blew out a breath and sipped the wine "I was young and stupid and god…so wrong but …"

This time she cut in "It can't be that bad, you've told me heaps of things I didn't know…"

"It _is_ that bad; but please just hear me out and remember that I was young and…" He shrugged helplessly, turning eyes full of melancholy in her direction.

She felt horrible, he was clearly hurting and her annoyance hadn't helped "Clark you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to; just because we're dating doesn't mean I have to know every detail of your life, some things are better left unsaid."

He shook his head wearily and began to speak, his voice quiet and ill at ease; he didn't look at her but she couldn't take her eyes of his face.

The discomfort and shame in his voice had been easy to hear, and as clear as the shock and disgust that must have been on her face at hearing the tale. He'd already told her so many things that he'd done years prior, things that she hadn't been able to give him any comforting words for, except to say that he had to let them go or eventually they would destroy him. But this revelation had hit her like a punch to the gut, and all she'd felt was repugnance and disquiet; her mellow sensuous mood of earlier long gone.

All she could see was a stranger; someone that she'd never met and wasn't sure that she wanted to know. Once he finished speaking the only sounds in the apartment were the ticking off the clock, the hum of the refrigerator and the soft music in the background. His eyes flicked to her, then at the wall, then back to her again waiting for a response. She rubbed her brow, picked up her glass and drained it; _what the hell was she supposed to say?_ "Fuck!"

He cringed, his head drooped and his voice came out soft with remorse "I was young Lo, it's not an excuse but …"

"What the hell was wrong with you? I knew you were obsessed with Lana but shit Clark, were you fucking deranged to boot? What Clark, what in hell could make you do a thing like that?" Her hand reached for the wine bottle but was shaking too hard to pick it up; he reached over, picked up the bottle and refilled her glass.

"I'd been affected by redK but that's not an excuse either; I don't have an excuse Lo, I wish I could give you one but I can't. I'm sorry, I'm so goddamn sorry, I just….shit!" His eyes lifted to hers and flinched "God Lo, please don't look at me like that. I would never do it now; I would never ever do anything like that again."

She felt completely numb; this was the boy she used to know, this was the boy that she'd thought of as inoffensive and tender hearted. She knew that he'd been almost crazy when he nearly killed the boy that killed Alicia, that event had scared and disturbed her, but she'd put it down to his emotions running high on adrenalin and fury, this was a whole other ball game. She wanted to say she felt appalled but that didn't even come close, horrified, repulsed, dumbfounded; she didn't know what she felt, too many emotions were washing over her all at once, but the most over riding feeling was a desire to leave.

"I have to go, I'm sorry but I have to go home." She snatched up her purse, rushed up the stairs, grabbed her jacket from the coat tree, and had just reached for the door handle when his voice stopped her.

"Lois please don't leave." He reached out and gently grasped her arm but quickly dropped it when she looked down at his hand "God baby, talk to me; say whatever you like but please don't walk out."

"I'm sorry, I am, but this….I need time to come to terms with this." She tugged open the door and left.

Driving home her hands and feet did everything automatically, the music was loud to drown out thought, and all she wanted was a hot shower to take away the chill. She walked into her apartment, dumped her bag on the coffee table and proceeded through the bedroom into the bathroom and began to strip. She turned the taps on, quickly pinned up her hair and stepped under the mildly hot spray. Once her ablutions were done, moisturiser was applied, her nightdress put on and she was in bed hoping to find sleep. But sleep was not forthcoming.

How was she supposed to reconcile the nice geeky boy who'd been a pain, but nice for all of that; to the ruthless person who'd almost taken a life?

Sitting up, she scrubbed her hands over her face, slid out of bed, walked into the kitchen, poured herself a whiskey and sipped, savouring the slight burn as it slid down her throat. Returning to the living room she grabbed a cigarette and her lighter swung the window open, sat on the sill and smoked until the stick was finished then calmly sipped the whisky and wondered if she could continue to date him.

She cared about him, she liked him; he'd made her happy but to now find out that he'd almost killed Lex….Fuck! This wasn't a school yard prank that she could laugh about, this wasn't a mistake he'd made that she felt sorry he had to live with the consequences for; and she wasn't the kind of person that could just shrug of murder or even attempted murder with a blasé attitude. It repelled every fibre of her being.

She closed her eyes trying to decide what to do, but when she felt her free hand lifted and kissed. Her eyes opened to stare into ones filled with both fear and misery.

"I had to come." His voice was quiet, his hand still held hers and when she tugged he pressed it lightly before letting go.

They looked at each other in silence; she sipped from her glass, looked past him but feeling his eyes on her face turned back to him and sighed "Come in." She moved away from the window, he floated inside, spun into his clothes and stood before her "I'm having whiskey, want one?"

She retreated to the kitchen, grabbed the bottle and waved it; he nodded and sat on the couch bobbing his head in thanks for the tumbler she passed him.

"How long have you been floating outside?"

"I followed you when you left my apartment. I knew that you were upset and had to make sure you got home alright." He paused then asked quietly "Are you ok?"

"I don't know." She took a seat on the recliner, tucking one leg underneath.

"I know it was a shock but…"

"Why did you tell me?" Her voice cut in softly.

"I had to tell you Lo, I didn't want secrets like this to come between us, I just…I had to tell you." He hesitated, sipped from his glass and continued "You know the other stuff I've told you." At her nod "All of it shames me Lo, all of it, but this …I didn't ever want you to find out about this by accident, I wanted to tell you myself. I didn't want to try and hide it only for it to come back and bite me in the ass later." He lifted the glass and sipped again, looked down then back into her eyes.

She nodded her understanding and sipped her whiskey in return "I care about you Clark but I can't…I don't think I can be with som…."

He cut in, shaking his head back and forth "Please baby, don't say it. There are so many things I'd undo if I could, so many decisions, choices made that I'd change given the opportunity. You told me that I can't let the things I did in the past destroy me, that I had to leave them behind and look to the future, I'm hoping this is something we can leave in the past." His lips pressed together, he swallowed hard and tried to smile, but his eyes showed trepidation and hope.

She blew out her breath and tried to explain some of her confusion "It's just…the more you tell me, the more I feel like I've never known you at all." She stopped and rubbed her brow "I didn't care that you were an alien, I didn't care that you had powers that made you stand out from the rest of the crowd, I understood when you told me about yourself and I found out that I was the last one to know, I've overlooked the fact that you made a jerk of yourself over Lana because you were so young; but god Clark. I look at you now and all I see is a stranger." She swallowed the rest of her whiskey and raked her free hand through her hair.

His voice was both low-keyed and hesitant "I'm still the same person…"

"No you're not." She cut in shaking her head "Years ago I thought you were a nice, somewhat naïve, occasionally goofy, usually painful, sometimes thoughtless teenage guy. Then we met up again and I thought you were a nice, slightly naïve, less goofy but invariably fun friend; then we started dating and I thought you were a nice, sweet, man that I liked. Then I found out you were the super hero I admired, and I thought you were very naïve, occasionally bumbling and far too trusting considering you were Superman. Then you told me you loved me, and I thought you were a nice, sometimes possessive, generally charming man that I had come to care for." He smiled slightly and she finished quietly "And now I find out that the nice man I've been sleeping with, who is the same superhero I admire for his compassion and integrity, who's the same nice boy I used to know, not only told another person that he should have left him to die, he actually used his powers against that person and almost killed him; and he did it all because he was jealous over a girl."

The smile slipped of his face and her head shook back and forth "And I remember that boy Clark. I remember him crying over Lana, worried that Lex was going to hurt her, talking about how ruthless Lex was, convinced that Lex had stolen her, persuaded that he was hard done by, but I don't remember him once; not even _**once**_ showing so much as an ounce of contrition or sorrow for what he had done to Lex."

She looked down then rubbed her hands over her arms "Soldiers are trained to kill; that's part of their job, to kill the enemy at any cost. They're trained to put their humanity aside and just get the job done, but it still wears down on their soul y'know." She looked up and a tear spilt down her cheek "But you were just a boy Clark, and you almost killed Lex then shrugged it off like it meant _nothing_." She swiped her hand across her check then ran her hand through her hair "It frightens me that you were capable of doing that." He remained quiet, a tear ran down his cheek, followed by another but he didn't interrupt.

She rubbed her fingers over her forehead, pressed her lips together, shook her head minutely from side to side, looked down and back up into his eyes "I used to think you were….virginal in a way, not the kind of person who could ever do something like that. If anyone had asked me, I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that you couldn't." She sighed heavily "And now I find out this ….and I just can't….I just don't know what to say to this." She scrubbed her hands over her face, stood and walked into the kitchen to get some water, but instead just placed her hands on the sink and stood with bowed head.

He quietly walked up behind her, put his hand on her shoulder and spoke softly "I don't blame you for being sickened, feeling nothing but abhorrence for my behaviour and attitude, I don't blame you at all Lo; I feel that way myself." He turned her around slowly, and tilted her face up to his "But I'm not that boy anymore babe, I swear to god I'm not. I would never do anything like that again."

She kept her eyes steady on his "I can't ever give you words of solace for what you did Clark; not ever. I'm not even going to try."

He nodded, slipping his arms around her waist to hold her loosely "I know, but can you ….do you think you can move past it?"

She shrugged half heartedly "I don't know, I can't promise that I'm just going to forget about it a day or two, it'll take some time for my mind to settle down." He nodded again "I know you're not that boy anymore, but I need some time."

He let her go and stepped back "Time…." He swallowed hard "Ok, how mu…" He shook his head, stepped forward and gathered her tight in his arms, pressing his cheek against her hair "Please baby, don't …god Lo, please don't break up with me for something I did years ago; something I'd give anything to undo."

Her arms slowly crept around his waist, her face pressed against his chest "If you have any other revelations now is the time to tell me. I don't want to feel like I've been punched in the gut next week and the week after and the week after; if you have any more, tell me now."

He rocked her gently "Nothing else Lo, I swear this was the last."

"Ok, ok." Her eyes closed and the two of them held tight to each other. They hadn't broken up, but it had taken weeks for the shock to wear off. He'd known that she still felt repelled and horrified but he'd given her time, he'd never once pushed and although it had never been discussed again or forgotten, she had been able to move past it.

Looking up she found Clark's eyes on hers and smiled then turned back to her computer, and tried to concentrate on work. Clark had been a young brainless idiot, who was not only deeply regretful but sincerely sorry for his actions. Lana was another matter entirely. She was no longer a young girl who could use youth to excuse or justify her actions; she was a grown woman, but one who hadn't changed an iota from the self centred girl she used to be. She still only cared about herself, her wants; her needs and as Lex had pointed out, she didn't like being told no, she never had.

Clark had rejected her twice since her divorce, but instead of acting like a woman scorned against Clark, she reserved her animosity for the woman he loved and had chosen to marry instead.

If Lana tried to get Clark back again she had no doubt that he'd soon tell her piss off, but knowing that Lana hated her made her uncomfortable. It was a damned unsettling feeling to know that anyone could have so much negative emotion they could actually hate another.

When she was thirteen she'd watched an Agatha Christie movie and heard one line that had stuck with her to this day, even at that age she'd know it was true and had sworn never to give into _'Do not allow evil into your heart, it will make a home there.' _That line had chilled her, and she'd never let evil into her heart. She said she hated this or that, but she didn't really. People and things annoyed her, pissed her off, got on her nerves, made her angry, but hate, true hate was beyond her scope, and not something that she ever wished to truly experience.

She knew that she had to tell Clark but didn't like the necessity of being the person who was going to wound him. He'd loved Lana as a boy, their relationship had been far from smooth sailing and although he was wiser to her now, he was still going to be hurt. Most teenagers in thrall of their first adult type relationship didn't carry on the way Clark and Lana had, the two of them had behaved like teenagers in some pathetic stereotypical teen show, the kind that made you cringe when you saw them on the screen, but regardless of all that he'd still have some good memories, and she didn't want to take them away from him.

She had fond memories of the boy she'd loved when she was a girl and the memories she had were nice and not something she was inclined to give up.

As Superman he'd seen a lot of the darker side of human emotions and he'd dealt with some people who were just plain evil but he still trusted, sometimes blindly without question. And Lana could still hurt heart his heart; not romantically that was long over, but having to face deception in a friend, someone you'd known for a long time and cared about would be brutally painful.

She didn't want to be the person that injured him by forcing him to see Lana's true nature, she'd been putting if off but he deserved to know the truth; she just didn't relish being the one that was going to hurt him.

oOo

When the work day was over they returned home. Clark unlocked the front door, and automatically switched on the lounge room light as he followed Lois through the apartment into the bedroom.

Once inside the room he strode over, switched on one lamp then another, intentionally picking the two furthest from the bed to bring a soft golden glow into the into the room; then stepped over to the balcony doors and pulled the drapes closed to further enhance an intimate, secluded atmosphere. Any time they did that the intention was clear; the world was being shut out and the time was strictly for them. However, when he turned to gaze in Lois' direction, instead of finding her with a knowing, flirty or sensual expression on her face, he found that she wasn't even looking in his direction; her mind was obviously elsewhere.

Sighing deeply he removed his jacket, pulled off his tie and watched as Lois kicked of her shoes, took off her jacket and began to hang it up "How did the appointment go?" Her hand paused on the hanger before she turned to face him "Fine, you know." She unzipped her skirt and hung it up "Who was it with again?" She shrugged casually "It was just a source." He nodded, watching as she removed her blouse then sat on the edge of the bed to remove her stockings "Let me do that Lo." Her hand paused, she looked up and smiled.

He sat beside her, lifted her leg, and slid his hand from her knee to the top of the stretchy lace sitting on her well toned thigh, his fingers lazily trailed back and forth over the silk "Have I ever told you how much I appreciate the sexy underwear you buy?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Well I'm telling you again, whatever you pay Lo, it's worth every penny." He smoothed the stocking down, lifted her other leg, and once again his hand caressed her leg, clenching softly around her thigh before peeling the stocking down and off "Who was the source?"

"Clark it was just a source for my story ok?" His body turned side on to face hers, his arms slipped loosely around her waist and his eyes searched hers. Pulling her into a hug, he sighed contentedly when her arms slid around his waist returning the embrace.

He wanted to demand that she tell him what was wrong, but his heart was scared of the answer, she loved him but she was hiding something from him and it was big enough that she was lying to him about it.

His own conscience pricked knowing that he was hiding Jo's note from her, and he wondered if she knew he was hiding something, and holding back from him because of it, but he automatically rejected that. If Lois knew he was hiding something she'd kick his ass, not play games, he'd usually do the same but whatever was bothering her had to be serious considering she'd resorted to evasiveness and lies.

Pulling back from the embrace, he left one hand on the small of her back and lifted the other to run his fingertips softly back and forth over her skin just above the bra cups "I really really love this sexy feminine stuff you buy." His hand slid down, cupped one breast, compressed very gently then trailed down her torso to run his fingertips softly along the waistband of her silk panties. He felt the slight quivering of her stomach and looking into her eyes again found desire; and for the first time in days felt the tight constriction around his heart unclench slightly "You look beautiful in this stuff baby, and I certainly appreciate it, but as seductive as it is, I don't find it as enticing as I find you." The hand on her back unclipped the bra and slipping it off, he lay down with her in his arms sealing his mouth to hers. Her mouth opened allowing his tongue to slip inside, and when her fingers began to wiggle between them he lifted up enough to allow her to undo his shirt then settled back down, crushing her breasts gently against his chest. Her hands continued to tug at his shirt until it was off, and once free his arms wrapped around her, while his mouth continued to move over hers.

Their mouths separated, eyes opened, and once again his searched hers "It's been six days since we last made love; we've never gone that long before." He bent down and pressed a kiss to her shoulder "I know you only felt well enough to go back to work yesterday, but I've missed you like hell."

She smiled "When I was sick I was feeling too lousy to care, and since I've been better we've both been busy with work and other stuff." She raised her head and pressed her lips to his chin "But I no longer have the flu and I'm feeling great if you wanna make up for lost time."

He pressed a quick hard kiss to her lips, gathered her in his arms, stood, pulled back the bed covers, laid her back down, removed his trousers and crawled onto the bed. His hands caressed her legs "Lift your hips." When her hips lifted he slipped off the panties then slid down to cover her body with his and framed her face with his hands "I don't know how many times we've made love Lois, but instead of abating, my need for you just keeps growing."

"It's the same for me." She agreed softly, her arms slipped around his waist, her hands began to run over his back, up to his shoulder blades to circle then back down to his waist. Feeling his muscles rippling, she leant forward and pressed a kiss into the hollow of his throat.

He kept his weight on his elbows; high enough not to crush her, but low enough that his chest brushed against her breasts with every inhale "I've hated not being close to you, not making love, I've hated it sweetheart."

"Since I've been feeling better I've missed you too." She replied huskily, her hands continued to circle over his back, then one slipped to the front and cupped him through his briefs, when his eyes flared, her fingers began to gently fondle him through the material.

His forehead dropped lightly onto hers, his nostrils quivered slightly and when her hand slipped inside his briefs and her fingers tickled through the hair then stroked over his penis before moving down to cup him again, he groaned deep in his throat and pushed himself into her palm.

Her fingers lightly caressed the hardened shaft as her hand slowly moved up and slipped out of his briefs to once again allow her arm to slip around his waist and her hand to run over his back.

Seeing the desire on her face, feeling her soft touch, his heart settled in relief_,_ _she did still want him; she did_ and deciding to worry about everything else later, his head bent and his mouth claimed hers. His tongue slid smoothly into her mouth to play and tangle, her hands moved down, slipped under the waistband of his briefs, clenched his bottom, then slipped out and began to tug and push the material off his hips, his hands helped and with a final kick he had them off.

Lifting his mouth from hers, he slid his hand over her side to settle on her breast, his thumb rubbed over and around the nipple teasing it to harden and when it was firm and upright, pouting for his attention his mouth took over; while his hand slid to her other breast fondling the globe softly in preparation for his coming attention.

His tongue laved over and around the nipple before his mouth closed over the bud to suck softly; lightly catching the tip with his teeth he batted it gently with his tongue and hearing the soft mewling falling from Lois' lips, closed his mouth over her breast and sucked strongly, pulling back to extend the nipple out before lowering back down and repeating the process; then his attention turned to its twin. His lips and teeth continued to play with her breasts, sucking lightly on the fleshy undersides, running closed lips up and down, over and across the nipple and back again, teasing it with his lips, sipping at it lightly, keeping one breast occupied with his mouth and the other with his hand. Neither lacked from attention as his mouth and fingers switched back and forth, he hummed in his throat at the feeling of Lois' fingers in his hair holding him against her while soft encouraging sounds fell from her lips.

Once satisfied he'd given her breasts enough attention for the present, he lifted his head and smoothed back her hair. Her eyes fluttered open, burnishing bright in the rooms glow, pushing his arms under her back, he lifted her up slightly and slowly rubbed her breasts against his chest, abrading the rigid peaks back and forth while their eyes held fast to each other.

Her arms slipped around his back, her hands ran over his skin gliding gently, her head lifted, her mouth caught his and her tongue moved back into his mouth. He rolled them over, their mouths still locked, her hands smoothed over his shoulders, along his throat and up into his hair, while his ran over her back, her bottom, up her sides, and back down to her bottom.

Grasping her thighs, her gently pulled until they lay either side of his legs, then one hand smoothed up and caressed her back while the other rubbed her bottom before moving down to allow his fingers to swirl, tease and rub over the now damp flesh. The hand on her back slid higher and tangled in her hair holding her mouth locked to his, while his fingers continued to tease and persuade the moisture to flow. Pushing his index finger gently inside he began to tease the inner walls, while his other fingers beat a rapid tattoo on her sex causing her to jump, wrench her mouth from his, and pant harshly against his neck "God Clark."

"Humm." His lips nuzzled her jaw, while his fingers slippery and covered in moisture didn't stop their tantalising beat.

"Please." She gasped, biting hard into the side of his neck, causing him chuckle, but when she began to push down on his hand, he rolled them over, knelt up, hooked his arms under her thighs, lifted her bottom, and positioned himself then paused with his penis sitting at the heart of her opening but not pushing in; her lashes trembled up at his hesitance, her eyes questioning "I love you Lois."

"I love you." And he smoothly thrust inside.

His penis withdrew then gently pushed back in, his arms continued to hold her thighs up and spread wide; circling his hips he softly ground his pelvis against hers before withdrawing "No baby, don't close your eyes." Holding her eyes steady with his he thrust forward, retreated, thrust and retreated, watching as her eyes became luminous.

His eyes moved down to her softly panting breasts, watching them rise and fall with each breath, the nipples stiff and upright from his attentions, the flush of pink growing darker, then down over her tummy and lower to watch his penis smoothly glide in and out of her body. He ground his teeth together determined to control the urge to rush and pound into her; clenching his eyes closed tight, he ruthlessly held himself in check and opened his eyes a few moments later, to find hers filled with love, passion and intensity looking back at him, and knowing it was _only_ for him, his heart skipped.

The hunger on his face as he looked at her body, the eroticism of the moment as he watched himself move within her, feeling the rhythm change slightly when he began to move faster, then slow down when his eyes closed tight, and the final moment when he opened his eyes and she saw them blazing with love and hunger aimed directly at her, caused the breath to catch in her throat.

"I love to see you like this, to know that I'm the only man who sees you like this." He panted softly; his hands stroked over her bottom to the underneath of her thighs, caressing and urging her legs to lock around his hips; once done he lowered to kneel over her, and keeping one hand on her hip, he smoothed the other over her thigh, across her tummy and up to cover one breast; his fingertips gently rubbed the nipple then slid to the other breast and did the same; before his hand trailed down her torso again to sit at the base her stomach. The heel of his hand sat low on her wet curls, his fingers outspread permitting him to glory in the sensation of feeling his body moving in and out of his beloveds "I love knowing that you're mine Lois, just as I'm yours."

"Yes." She said softly.

He lowered to his haunches over her, pushed his arms under her neck to hold her closer against his body and bending his head kissed her breasts before capturing her lips with his; tongues twined over and around each others, duelling lazily; all while he continued to move in and out of her warm wet channel; their rhythm smooth as a dance.

_She loved to feel his weight pressing her down into the bed; for him to kiss her breasts then shifting his body up just enough to press against her clitoris with his pubic bone every time he thrust forward; and kissing her…god kissing her while he was buried deep inside her body; nothing was better than that._

Their lips parted; eyes fluttered open once again; her legs moved up, clamping higher around his waist to pull his shaft deeper into her, "Oh god baby" her lips curved at his moan; her hands clenched softly into his buttocks, allowing her the pleasure of feeling his muscles bunch and release in tune with his movements before she began to softly caress his back, arms and legs.

_God he loved to feel her under him, to feel her breasts against his chest, her legs wrapped tight around his waist allowing him to penetrate her deeper; pushing her flesh apart with his penis to find his way inside her; feeling her become even wetter at his entry; looking at her face while he moved within her and although he'd never admit it out loud he also loved the feeling of domination. Not that Lois was a passive lover, but he loved the feeling of taking her._

Removing his arms from under her neck, he slid down to cover her completely, clasped her hands with his, their fingers interlinked; he continued to move within her, their eyes stayed locked; and he saw the moment she fell into the abyss, then he was falling too, groaning aloud at the feeling of tightness and release, ejaculating deep into his beloved.

Gathering her in his arms he turned until she was lying on top of him; and rested his cheek against hers while his hands idly smoothed over her back, along the arms curved around his neck and down again, "No matter how many times Lo, no matter how often; whether it's been a week or two minutes I always want you."

"Yes." She said again, her voice was a quiet whisper against his ear, lifting her head she cupped his cheek with her hand, leant forward and kissed him gently before tucking her head into the join between his shoulder and neck; wiggling to get more comfortable and feeling drowsily content.

"I don't want us to wait nearly a week again." He said quietly.

"When I'm sick…."

"No Lo, when you're sick all I care about is looking after you, making sure that you're alright; I don't care then because all I want is for you to be well." He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes "I just don't want it to become normal for us to not to make love. I could feel you pulling away from me, I didn't know why, I still don't, but for the first time, since our first time, I wasn't sure if you'd welcome my reaching out to you."

"You changed your mind tonight." She questioned softly.

"Yes, because I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you just because I'm scared that you'll say no."

"I'm sorry; I never meant to make you feel that I'd reject you." He saw the regret in her eyes before she leant forward and kissed him; moving her lips gently against his, touching and stroking in apology. Her hand reached back and tugged at one of his arms, when it unwrapped from around her body, she brought his hand up and cupped it around her breast before lifting her mouth from his "I love you Clark, don't ever be afraid to touch me." She said quietly looking into his eyes.

He nodded and smiled; lying down again she pressed her face back into the join between his neck and shoulder, brushing her lips against the side of his throat, his arms once again wrapped around her back, his hands once again began to smooth up and down satiny soft skin.

"What's wrong Lo?" When she didn't say anything, his heart twisted "You've been distracted for day's baby." He softly pressed on "Who did you go and see today, I know it wasn't a source, your pulse jumped when you told me."

"I'm sorry, I just…."

"Tell me Lo, please."

She lifted up again and trailed a hand through his hair, down his neck, over his chest and left it sitting over his heart "I went to see Lex."

"Why?" He wasn't angry, just curious about why she would go and see Lex of all people.

"I needed to talk to him, ask him something."

"Can you tell me?"

She hesitated then nodded "Yes, I was going to, I was just trying to figure out how to do it without hurting you unnecessarily."

"Are you leaving me?" He asked calmly.

"No of course not; god Clark did you really think I was." She asked distressed.

"No Lo I didn't; I could tell that you were upset, distracted and it hurt that whatever was wrong you weren't sharing it with me, but I never thought you wanted to leave me." He said, circling his hands over her back soothingly "That's the worst thing I can think of, and as long as that's not it, I'll deal with it, ok?" He leant up and kissed her collar bone.

Her head shook, "No, it's not ok! I should have told you straight away, instead of lying and making you worry for nothing. I'd be angry as hell if you did that to me. If I ever try to pull that shit again, call me on it and then kick my ass, alright?" He smiled and nodded "I need to show you something, but can we eat dinner first, I'm really hungry." When her stomach rumbled she smiled ruefully, when his rumbled in return they both began to lightly chuckle.

"What'd you feel like?"

"A burger and fries." Nodding he got up, had a quick shower and left, returning 30 minutes later. He'd had a quick Superman rescue detour, bought their dinner and returned to find her still in the shower. Leaving the food on the kitchen table he walked into the bathroom, slid the door of the shower open and captured her mouth in a quick hard kiss "Dinner's here Lo."

She smiled, twisted the taps off and took the towel he held out, quickly dried off, wrapped it around her body then grinned, her brow flying up "Enjoying the floor show?" At the rapid nod of his head, she smirked and shook hers in return "Well it's over now, so I'll meet you in the kitchen as soon as I've dried my hair." Patting his arm in consolation she stepped around him and into the bedroom.

"I'll stay and watch." He quickly took off his wet shirt and jeans, slipped on a dry t-shirt and sweatpants and leant against the dressing table, ready to enjoy the rest of the one man show.

"Oh no you won't!" At his pout she laughed and pointed to the door "Out! If you stay, our food will be stone cold by the time you let me eat."

Nodding he straightened, turned for the door, then quick as a snake turned back, whipped off her towel, ran his eyes up and down then quickly wrapped her up again. "You're right; I'll be in the kitchen."

"I like the way you needed a quick perv before admitting I was right."

The smile in her voice stopped his movement towards the door, causing him to quickly swing around to contradict her "It wasn't a perv; I was simply admiring the female form." At her hooting laugh he grinned and shrugged "I'm a guy, perving at women is bred into our bones."

"I think it just comes with the testosterone and sperm." She snorted inelegantly.

"I've noticed you perving at me when I'm naked."

"I was simply admiring the male form." She returned snottily borrowing his line; they looked at each other and grinned. "Out, I'll be there soon."

He walked towards the door throwing over his shoulder "Just put on something that's easy to remove babe, because when we finish talking, I intend to get you naked again." Shooting a quick smile over his shoulder he walked out the bedroom, and back into the kitchen.


	4. Chapter 4

Opening Note: don't forget in this story Lana married Lex of her own accord, Lionel didn't bulldoze her into it.

I think the whole 'Lana being forced to marry Lex by his father', just to try and make people feel sorry for her, and therefore excuse her and Clark atrocious behaviour, was one of the most disgusting storylines they'd ever written. It totally missed its mark with me, as I didn't feel even a smidgen of sympathy for either of them. My empathy was solely reserved for Lex who despite everything, actually loved the little troll.

However that being said, I figure two can play that game, and just as the writers used that crappy plot to their own advantage; not a problem. I'll just use everything but that...to mine. So here's my version of what was really going on.

Side note: I've received a few questions and/or reviews for my stories, but haven't been able to respond as there was no reply link provided. If you wish for me to get back to you, please sign in or go to my profile and send me a pm; if not then just ignore this.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 4**

While waiting for Lois to join him, Clark decided that he had to show her the note Jo had written. He couldn't expect her to tell him what was wrong if he was deliberately holding back from her. He knew that he'd always intended to show her the note, which was why he hadn't destroyed it already, but no matter how frightened he was of her reaction, not showing it to her was tantamount to admitting he didn't trust her, to trust him. Ignoring the frisson of fear he felt, he held tight to her trust in him, but couldn't help closing his eyes and silently praying that all would be well.

Dinner was silent but not uncomfortable, when it was over they moved to the lounge, and sat on the couch. Before she could speak, he lifted his hand lifted to forestall her, raced into the bedroom and returned with the note clutched in his hand. "I found this note when I was putting the bedding away in the loft when we were in Smallville last weekend." At the curious expression on her face, he grimaced and explained "It's a note from Jo to you, I'm sorry Lo, I should have shown it to you at the time but I…" He shrugged and held out the note to her; his heart in his throat while she read it.

She opened the missive; her eyes scanned the lines and nodding she looked at him "You thought I'd believe it?" She asked gently.

"If it was from anyone else I know you wouldn't have, but …yeah I was scared that you'd believe Jo and doubt me." He shrugged again and turned his face away to stare at the wall.

She grasped his chin in her hand and shook her head "If you'd shown me this, I might have asked what happened to make her believe it, but no matter what; I would have believed you."

"Even though…" He swallowed and couldn't finish the sentence.

"Even though the note came from my younger self, yes; Clark I'd actually have to see you having sex with Lana to believe you were cheating on me." Leaning over she kissed his cheek softly.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her into his lap and held her tight "When I found the note I was shocked Lo. I swear I didn't do anything that could make her think I was cheating on you; but god Lois, I was so scared that you'd believe yourself before you believed me."

She shook her head and framing his face in her hands looked into his eyes "Jo was my younger self, she doesn't know you like I do, but I think I also know why she wrote this note." At the curious expression on his face she smiled sadly "You said that I've been distracted and you're right. A few days ago when I wasn't feeling a hundred percent I stayed at home and was going to work on my laptop remember?" At his nod "I found a letter from Jo to me." When his mouth opened she pressed her fingers against his lips "No, I didn't tell you, I should have but I didn't. I needed to get it all straight in my head first, I was putting off telling you because I knew you were going to be hurt and, let's face it, I'm not the most….subtle of people when it comes to delivering unpleasant news."

"Tell me what?"

She took a deep breath, slid off his lap and held his hands "Jo saw something that I've known for a long time but she was actually more intuitive than I was. I don't know why I didn't see it; maybe I didn't want to but…."

"See what babe?"

"Jo saw that Lana was in love with you, I …"

"Lana's in love with me?" Clark was floored, he didn't doubt that Jo was right, he just felt stunned at the news.

She nodded, but at the incredulous look on his face, shook her head and smiled "It's pretty obvious Clark."

"Lana's in love with me?"

She nodded again and smiled wider; he was so totally clueless "Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because her feelings are her own business." When his mouth opened again she cut him off "Clark if I'd never gone out with you; never given you a chance, would you have appreciated Chloe telling me how you felt without your permission?" At the expression on his face she smiled slightly "That's why I didn't say anything, unrequited love is painful enough; Lana didn't deserve to have her feelings openly discussed."

He nodded in agreement, then scratched his neck lightly "Are you sure baby, maybe Jo was wrong, maybe she just thought Lana loved me because she'd just come from the Clark and Lana crap fest."

Laughing lightly at the description of this teenage romance she shook her head "I saw it too; Clark if you went to Lana now and told her that you wanted her back, you wouldn't have time to get all the words out before she jumped into your arms."

He sighed and ran a hand over the back of his neck "There's more right?"

"Yes." She held his hand and squeezed tight "I didn't want to tell you any of this because I know that first love is a nice memory to keep, and it wasn't one that I wanted to spoil for you."

"My first love wasn't all that great Lo."

"You had some good times with Lana Clark, your relationship wasn't all roses, but don't discount everything. I still have fond memories of the first boy I loved and slept with, and I didn't want to hurt your memories of Lana."

"I thought I was the only guy that you've ever had sex with." He replied with a faint smile.

She rubbed her chin and nodded "Sorry I sometimes forget that you like to live in delusion land where I was nun before giving up the calling to be with you." Leaning forward she pressed her smiling lips against his "But getting back to real life, the weekend you, Chloe and I went to the farm after you first returned was when I knew that Lana loved you; it was also then that I knew she didn't like me."

"Why?" When her brow quirked he shook his head and quickly amended "What I mean is that you and I weren't even together then…so why?"

"It makes no difference that we weren't together; she wanted you but you didn't want her. I think she saw how you felt and resented me accordingly." Lois explained.

"She knew that I loved you that first weekend because I told her, and over the next seven months while I was trying to get you to go out with me, she'd ask how my pursuit was going and subtly urge me to give up on you." He shook his head in disgust at his own blindness "I thought she was just being a concerned friend who didn't want me to be hurt."

"She loved you and hoped that you'd eventually turn to her again but you didn't and I think her dislike for me just kept growing; when we started to date I could feel her resentment." She shivered slightly and automatically his hand reached over to lightly rub over her back "I felt uncomfortable around her but didn't know why; I knew how she felt about both of us, but there was something else and I didn't know what it was until I read Jo's letter, and then I knew it was true."

"What'd she say Lo?"

"I'm going to get my laptop, you need to read the letter yourself ok?" At his nod, she walked into the bedroom; rummaged in her purse to grab a cigarette and the lighter, stuffed them into the pocket of her robe, grasped her laptop case then walked back into the lounge, set the computer on the coffee table and switched it on "It's really funny at first but it gets pretty heavy so be prepared."

He nodded watching as she opened the file "I'm just going outside for some fresh air; I've already read it several times and really don't feel like reading it again." He nodded again "Um Clark, ah…she kinda makes fun of you, well Skipper who was you, so you might wanna skim over the first part, oh and the last paragraph, that's about Ollie."

He smiled and shook his head "I'm looking forward to reading it." She nodded and sent him a last warning "Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you." He watched as she went outside and lit up a cigarette then took a deep breath, turned back to the screen and began to read.

_Hi Joanne_

_Yep you're Joanne and I'm Lois, ok first, what in hell has gone on in the last 8 years? Clark and you, Clark and me! Do you not remember what he was like? Good grief let me refresh your memory._

_Scene: Clark in loft gawping at picture of Lana - "Oh Lana I love you." Sob, sob, sob "Ohhhh Lois, I love Lana so much." sob, wail, sob "Oh woe is me, Lana is all I want. She's so pretty; she's gone out with Whitney and Adam and Jason and me…well kinda in between all of them, then __**me, me, me. **__Our love was so special and true and now she's engaged to Lex, but I KNOW it's ME she loves ONLY and BEST." boo hoo "Laaaaaaaaaaaaana, how could you leave meeeeeeeeee!" Wailing and gnashing teeth, tearing shirt then thrashing around on the ground, kicking feet and bawling like a baby._

_Did you forget that all Clark did was whine and cry about Lana, and all she did was snivel and whinge about him! Her I can kinda understand, I mean she's a total drama queen, but Clark, my god! He was more in tune with his feminine side than half the girls we know; and was nothing less than a freaking big __**SISSY**__!_

_Do you think they cried when they had sex? Dumb question! Knowing them they cried before, during and after? _

_Scene: two horny teenagers about to do the deed for the first time. They're burning with passion, impatient and raring to go._

"_Oh Clark." sob "I'm so happy we're gonna do it." kiss, kiss, sob._

"_Me too Lana, I've kept this baby away from any other girl and saved it special just for you." Kiss, sob, kiss._

"_Oh Clark, that…that is so romantic." sniff, sniff "But you know what will make it even more special? If we talk about it first, each of us telling the other just how much to it means to us before we do anything." Weeping bravely but not too much; can't ruin the make-up._

"_I wanna talk, I wanna tell you everything I'm feeling but…but I don't think I can…." Wave hand, "...excuse me Lana…." sob, sniff, reach for tissue and blow nose "I'm so overcome with passion and emotion and it means so much to me that I can't help but cry."_

"_Me either, hand me a tissue Clark." blow nose "We'll talk after we've gotten our emotions under control but definitely before we do it, ok?"_

"_Yes, we need to discuss it first. We need to make sure we both understand that tonight will change our lives and touch our hearts forever and ever." Clark now blubbering uncontrollably._

_Scene: afterwards lying in bed with the blankets tucked under their chins:_

"_Oh Clark" sniff, sniff "I don't know what to say. We've done it! We're not the only two virgins in Smallville anymore. Do you know what this means?" Whimper, sob._

"_I…I know; oh I know." manly sob bravely held back; but little whimper sneaks out "Oh Lana..." sob, sniff, sob "...was...was it as good for you as it was for me?"_

_Sniff, sob "It was..." Sob "...Oh it so was, and now…now that we've done it, now that I'm really a woman, I want us to discuss just how much it meant to both of us." Sniff, sniff._

"_Me too Lana." sob, sniff "I need to tell you just how much it means to me that I finally got some action, but first…." Reaches for tissue, blows nose and reaches for another tissue "Let me dry your teary eyes Lana; eyes that remind me of mom's blackest kettle shimmering in the moonlight." _

"_Oh Clark, that…that is so romantic." Sob, sniff, sniff; then wailing really loudly._

_ROTFLMAO_

_Sorry but I just had to get that out; this is my fourth day here and I have to say I like Clark a lot more than Skipper. I feel sad saying that because Skipper is a nice guy, but Clark doesn't have all the Lana baggage which makes him a much more agreeable companion, and not having to listen to him blubber about Lana every two freaking minutes of the day is great. I'd wonder if Clark wasn't an alien impersonating Skipper, if I didn't already know he was an alien, lol. Maybe he's been body snatched? Can aliens be body snatched?_

_I can't imagine loving him, I can't imagine an older me loving him, but Chloe and Mrs Kent assure me you do, and if your bedroom is any indication then the two of you must have a pretty full on, not to mention somewhat erotic sex life (shudder). I just can't imagine doing it with Clark. He's seen me naked but even though he's a nice guy, the thought of him seeing me naked, looking at my body with anything other than detachment creeps me out, and actually 'doing him', ugh._

_But he does seem sincere and genuine in his love for you; he doesn't talk about you like he does/did Lana. With her it was pathetic and….even more pathetic, with you he sounds natural and unaffected without being nauseating._

_BUT_

_Joanne I want you to listen to me now, I know that you know that Lana is in love with Clark, it's so obvious that I'm amazed that no one else sees it, they all seem to be freaking blind, then again they always were where she was concerned. You're me and I know that I've never been blind to Lana's machinations; we know what she's really like. _

_I also know that you know that Lana hates your guts, and no one can see that either. Whether you love Clark or not, you need to tell someone how she feels, because we both know that sooner or later Lana is going to try and hurt you, and no one will ever suspect her. If you can't trust Clark because you think he won't believe you saying something like that about Lana then TELL SOMEONE ELSE, or one day you're going to wind up dead or in the emergency room and Lana will get away clean with everything._

_The other day I was talking to Clark in the loft, we were just laughing and talking and Lana called us into lunch and I swear if Clark hadn't been around, I think she would have gladly pushed me down the stairs. So I know that you've caught her giving you the same look, and I know you must have seen the way she flirts with him (can the girl be any more blatant?)_

_Joanne, if you can't tell Clark because you don't trust him then you should think twice about marrying the guy. I haven't said anything to anyone because I figured if you're keeping it to yourself then you must have a good reason so I've kept it to myself too, but how you can stand being around her I don't know. __She flat out gives me the willies._

_I was wondering if Lana could be a meteor person (I'm trying not to say freak since Chlo told me she was infected) anyway I was wondering if she could be meteor infected, I mean let's face it, Clark (Skipper) is totally ga ga over the girl and it's not like she has three breasts or anything, and now that I know he's an alien maybe Lana uses her meteor power to sucker him in. Don't just dismiss my theory; remember Alicia? Clark was weird about her and she was totally looney tunes._

_And I know this sounds ridiculous, but remember how much we loved Star Trek, well Lana could be like the Borg Queen in a way. She could be transmitting the silent message 'resistance is futile' and all the people who've tried to kill her are __**trying**__ to resist. Whether people loved her or hated her, they all ended up trying to kill her, so maybe they're all just trying to free themselves from her deadly message, and save everyone else from her at the same time._

_Ok, I could be reaching but have you looked up the people who've tried to kill her, it's like a who's who of freaksville, and it's a bloody long list. THAT CANNOT BE NORMAL._

_The first day I was here I noticed Lana was in love with Clark and figured he was just waiting for her to say something, so he could dump you and go running back to her, either that or he was staying with you out of guilt. Anyway I thought I'd try to get them back together, because I sure as hell didn't want you/me caught up in the middle of their bullshit games. They've dragged enough people into their crap over the years and I wasn't going to allow myself to be the next victim (also I just didn't wanna be stuck with him myself), sorry but there you have it, me and Clark, no way!_

_Then I thought he was having an affair with Lana, and if you're wondering why let me explain. Have you ever seen Lana's bedroom? It's romantic and sensuous (the kind of room lovers share), well I fell in love with her room and lay down on the bed and guess what I found tucked under her pillow, Clark's shirt (his red/gold flannel one) and it smelt of his aftershave._

_I wondered if the two of them were doing the 'wild monkey dance' but after watching them carefully, I figured they weren't. She'd jump him in a heartbeat if he wanted her, but he just doesn't act like she's someone he's screwing on the side. _

_I could be wrong but I'm going to trust my gut instinct. She's obviously kept the shirt after they broke up and put the aftershave on it to make it smell like him (kind of sad and pathetic, no) but if he's panting after her then he's got me completely fooled. If you find out he is then cut off his winkie for both of us._

_I'm going to end this now but for god's sake PROTECT YOURSELF! No one else is going to do it, you're me and I don't want to be dead at 28._

_btw: I like the darker hair colour, when did you go back to natural?_

_btw2: Does Ollie still look as fantastically sexy and gorgeous as always or since dumping us, has he completely gone to seed because he's missed us? Remember when we opened the door and saw him the first time, we only had one thought in our head thrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. _

_Bastard! I'd hate him, if I still didn't want him so bad. Chloe told me I get over it, huh, yeah right, asshole didn't even have the common decency to screw me through the mattress before leaving. God I'm gonna have to have a cold shower tonight and it's fucking winter!_

_Lois._

Clark sat back stunned, his face a picture of shock. Lois had been right, the letter had started out amusing, he'd laughed out loud at Jo's rendition of Skipper and Lana crying and carrying on, but when it turned serious it had been full on. Until the end; more fool him, he hadn't been able to resist reading the last paragraph about Ollie, but he refused to even go there.

His eyes had read every word, his mind found it hard to believe but he knew it was true; his heart ached that Jo hadn't trusted him enough to confide in him when she'd been here.

He rubbed the back of his neck, and looked into the bedroom to find Lois sitting in one of the arm chairs, her legs resting on the little table, her eyes closed while she listened to music. He'd seen Lois come back inside and head for the bedroom, he'd even heard her brushing her teeth, but it had all been things he'd noticed while his mind was occupied with reading the letter.

Switching the computer off, he walked into the bedroom, picked Lois up from her seat, and sat down with her in his lap. His arms wrapped around her waist, his hands clasped hers, while his lips nuzzled the side of her neck.

"You read it all?"

"Yes and you were right, it was funny at first, but when it turned serious she didn't hold back."

Turning, she looked at his face, it was clear he'd received one hell of a blow and she wasn't surprised. She'd told him about Lana's feelings, and fast on the heels of that he'd learnt of her hatred for his fiancé.

"Jo never said anything but then she thought she was keeping your secret." One hand let go of hers to cup her face "Did you know Lana that hated you Lo, did you know that she might want to hurt you."

She shook her head, lifting her hand to his cheek "No, that's what shocked me; that I didn't see it, but since I found the letter I've thought back over all the times I've seen Lana and I know that Jo's right."

He nodded and his hand slid down to grasp hers again "You said you went to see Lex, why?"

"I figured that as they'd been married he'd know her pretty well. You get to know what someone's really like in that kind of intimate relationship, and I wanted to know…." Her head shook "No, I wanted to confirm if Jo's and my intuition was correct; that Lana could be dangerous."

"What'd he say?"

"Yes, he said yes."

"I won't let her hurt you baby, you know that right?"

She lifted her head amused "I can take care of myself you know."

He pressed his lips to hers and cupped the side of her face with his hand to deepen the kiss. When she began to pull back, his hand quickly moved to her hair, keeping her mouth locked on his, moist lips moved against each other, tongues swept in and around; when their lips finally parted, his thumb swept over her bottom lip lightly "I know you can but I still won't let her hurt you." His arms snuggled her tighter "What else did he say?"

"You really wanna know?" She asked softly.

"Just give me the highlights, I've already told you what he said to Superman so I can guess some of what he said to you." He smiled sadly.

Turning sideways in his lap, her hand rose, her fingers raked through his hair then sat quietly on his chest. Resting her head against his shoulder, she quietly reiterated their conversation. She left out what Lex had said about the attack, Clark was still carrying the guilt of his actions, and she saw no reason to hurt him with it further; he also didn't need to know that Lex thought Lana had manipulated him with sex. Clark had cared about Lana, and whether he'd agree with Lex or not, that was a memory she didn't want to cast doubts on.

"I knew about the flat-lining episode, I told you about seeing my dad remember." Clark said quietly, she nodded sympathetically. "I didn't tell you about Lana's part in what happened; but it wasn't because I didn't trust you Lo."

She patted his hand "It's ok Clark, I've told you personal stuff about myself but only the most casual about my friends, I haven't told you their secrets, good or bad because their business is just that." He nodded, glad she understood his silence on the subject "When Lex mentioned it, I was kinda freaked out, that wasn't a course of action I ever thought of taking; not even when I felt at my lowest ebb after breaking up with my first real boyfriend."

"Thank god." He hugged her harder "I'm glad that Lex was there for her to talk to, even though their relationship ended up being nothing but destructive, he was there for her when she needed someone. She couldn't turn to me, I was the guy that broke up with her, and she wasn't talking to Chloe, so I'm glad he was there for her." He paused and shook his head slightly "I never thought I'd ever say that; but if Lex stopped her from doing anything similar, or even if he just helped her through that time by listening when she needed to talk, then I'd rather Lana went through all the shit that she did with him, and be alive now, than for her to have died so pointlessly when she was still so young. Chloe and I helped, but we only came in on the tail end of that incident." He smiled sadly and finished "I have to give credit where it's due. It was Lex that got her through that time, but I'm kinda conflicted about it all. He helped her but at the same time…" He trailed off and shrugged helplessly.

Lois nodded slowly, her lips lifted in a half smile of soft ridicule "Yeah he helped her, poor bastard. What he should have done was jumped into the fastest car he owned and driven like a bat out of hell to get away."

"What'd you mean?" Clark frowned. He was surprised at her words, tone and expression; and had the feeling Lois was about to throw one of her wild theories at him, and soon found that he was right.

"I mean I think she saw an opportunity and took it. I've thought about this since talking to Lex, remembering your relationship with Lana, recalling when I tried to befriend her when she first got involved with him; I think she took advantage of his desire to help her." Lois looked up and directly into Clark's eyes "She knew that Lex had big issues about loyalty and betrayal. She knew that he'd been married before and screwed over by his ex-wives. She knew that he couldn't trust anyone, _not even his own__ father_, and I bet she also cried plenty on his shoulder about how you never trusted her, and just how devastated she was by that." Lois nodded her head considering "I can hear it all now. Lana reassuring Lex that she believed in him, he could trust her; after all, she knows what it's like to be betrayed, and she'd _never_ _ever_ do that to anyone else."

Clark's brows lifted "You think she got involved with him deliberately?" He asked surprised.

"I don't think Lana does much by accident, but I'll bet anything she played coy and let him think HE was making all the moves." Lois shook her head in pity "And I think Lex knows it too. You know his three things?" Clark nodded "I think he was dead right about those."

Clark shook his head in automatic denial "C'mon Lois, she was really hurting because I'd dumped her out of the blue, there was no way she was just faking that."

"I never said that she wasn't hurting Clark, but what do you think would cheer her right up and help glue her pulverised ego back together?" Lois arched her brows and when he shrugged in reply, she asked instead "Tell me this, did Lana ever so much as pause between one boyfriend and the next?" At his slow head shake "Right, because Lana's the kind of girl, who needs a guy, to give her life validation." She waited a beat and finished softly "So here you have a girl who's just been dumped by a guy that's worshipped her for years; that has gotta burn." She quirked her brow and he nodded minutely "So she takes up with Lex. It soothes her ego, making her feel better about herself and the bonus was watching you squirm. She knew that you'd hate her being with anyone else; especially Lex, which would of course have you falling on your knees beginning her to take you back."

At the doubtful look on his face, Lois rolled her eyes "Ok, tell me this, what was it about Lana that attracted her to Lex? Just because you were nuts about her, doesn't mean that every other guy in the world wanted her as well. Lex had managed to resist her charms for years, except for that time or two, I can't remember which…." Lois waved her hand in unconcern "…that you told me about when he was possessed or wasn't quite himself. So why did he suddenly decide to take up with her?"

Clark shrugged and offered the only answer he could "He wanted what I had Lo; he told me that, remember I told you about it?"

Lois' brow quirked upward in question "Didn't he tell you that when he was possessed or whatever it was at the time?"

"Yeah but…"

She shook her head and cut him off "Uh huh, you and Chloe have both told me about all the times when you, she, Lana, your parents and a whole host of other people were possessed and acted out in bizarre ways. Now if you're not going to hold any of yourselves accountable for what you did or said during those times, then you have to give Lex the same consideration. It's all or nothing. You can't have one rule for Lex, and one for the people you like."

Clark smiled slightly and nodded in agreement "True, I've gotten so used to thinking of Lex doing rotten stuff that I hadn't thought about it, but yeah you're right."

"Right, now let me ask you another question, you're now 27, take me out of the picture, you don't know me ok?" He nodded "Ok, so you've travelled around the world, met a lot of interesting and fascinating people; you're surrounded by mature, professional women, some of whom are truly beautiful. Your off time is full either by working hard to be a success or hard at play with some of those women. So, would a 19 year old girl, pretty enough to give the school jocks wet dreams, but young enough that she only attended her high school prom the year before, and still had all the associated teenage hang-ups, tempt you?" At his grimace, Lois inclined her head "Exactly, as you get older the age difference diminishes. If you're 40, a woman of 30 is nothing, even if you were 35 and she was 25 it wouldn't matter so much; but Lex hadn't even hit his stride yet. He wasn't quite 30, he was sophisticated, and had been around the block more than once. His ex-wives had been a teacher and doctor respectively. His girlfriends and lovers were smart savvy business women, all of which confirms that he _**didn't**_ go in for juvenile's or bubble heads, so why all of a sudden was he attracted to Lana?"

Clark blew out a breath "I don't know, but Lana wasn't a bubble head."

"No, she was much too serious minded for that, but in every other respect she wasn't even close to being his type. If you compared Lana to the kind of woman Lex's past record _**proved**_ he was attracted to; just the way she looked, dressed and talked would have been enough to show that she was painfully young, and way out of her league by comparison Clark."

He nodded in agreement "Yeah but you went out with Ollie and he went to school with Lex, and you were only 20 at the time Lo. That's only one year older than Lana was."

"True, but don't forget that I hadn't spent my life cloistered in a small little town, almost protected from the big bad world. I'd travelled from one army base to another with my dad; you grow up fast in that kind of life. I was only one year older, but I wasn't as immature as Lana in a lot of ways." She contemplated for a moment and smiled slightly "Plus I don't think I looked as adolescent as she did, and if you don't agree, get out pictures of both of us from that time and check."

"I don't need to." He said with a sigh of surrender.

Lois inclined her head in point and got back to her original argument "As people get older their skin becomes tougher, and their faith mechanism has been slowly worn away by failed relationships, hurt, betrayal, deceit etc, correct?" He nodded "The ONLY thing Lana had on her side, **was** her age. So when she told Lex that he could trust her, that she trusted him, and I've no doubt she was convincing as hell; he wanted to believe that because she was still so young, her faith in people was still strong. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't turn out to be just another lying deceitful bitch, and consequently, he fell for it."

He nodded slowly but put forward another argument "I really did hurt her Lo, I didn't trust her deep down and she knew it."

"I'm sure she was hurt, but that doesn't mean she had the right to use Lex as a way of getting back at you." Lois shook her head piteously "I didn't like him, a lot of people didn't, but as far as I'm aware, Lex hadn't done anything to Lana to make her decide to use him for her own purposes." She pushed out of his lap, went to the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine, gestured, he nodded, and after debating grabbed the box of chocolates, tossed them on the little table and after pouring them each a glass sat down in the seat opposite.

"This is only conjecture Lo; you have no proof, only Lex's word." He put in playing devils advocate.

"This is all theory based on what I know of Lana, human study, doing a job that requires me to analyse things daily, being a woman, and life; but I think I'm right or at least close to it, and here's some more conjecture for you." She blew out a deep breath "I bet when Lana saw you attack Lex despite being scared, she was secretly thrilled; 'oh wow this guy really loves me, he'd do _anything_ for me'."

"She really was afraid of me that night Lo." He put in quietly.

"Oh I'm sure she was, but if I saw you do that to a man I was engaged to, I sure as hell wouldn't come crying to you for help afterwards, because I would have been too damn frightened of just what you would be capable off." She sipped her wine and gestured "But Lana, who absolutely relished the role of anguished heroine, made sure that everyone could see she was scared and unhappy, but bravely determined to stand by her man." Lois lips twisted in a half smile "Not too brave though, she still came crying to you every other day with one tale or another; 'oh Clark someone's following me', 'oh Clark, Lex made me pregnant'." She mimicked in a high falsetto before asking scornfully "Did no one ever tell her that sex could lead to pregnancy? That the only sure fire contraceptive is the word NO!" When his mouth opened she waved her hand "She knew that you were jealous as hell, she knew that you weren't rational regarding her relationship with Lex, but even though she CHOSE to marry him, almost as soon as the words 'I do' were out of her mouth, she began dropping hints that she'd been pressured into going through with the wedding. Or at the very least, she didn't try all that hard to discourage _**your**_ belief, that Lex had forced her into the union."

Clark's hand paused; he'd lifted the glass to sip at the wine, but at Lois' words his hand stopped with the glass suspended in front of his mouth for a few moments, before it lowered slowly to rest on the arm of his chair once again "You think she wanted me to kill Lex?" He asked incredulous, shaking his head back and forth in disbelief.

"She was in way over her head." Lois said carelessly, lifting her shoulder in a half shrug "It was a bit late in the game but she finally woke up to herself and realised that unlike with you, she couldn't control Lex; love her or not he wouldn't put up with her shit forever. He'd soon get fed up with her passive aggressive attitude, which was of course Lana's modus operandi in getting her own way, and keeping her boyfriends in line; she'd been stringing you along with that game for years…." Lois lifted her glass to him in salute "…but Lex wasn't you, and when he got sick of it both his indulgence _of_ her, and his patience _with_ her, would come to a screeching halt."

Lois nodded slowly and continued low voiced "If you did kill Lex in a fit of rage for forcing her into marrying him, I imagine she would have offered to give you a hand to hide the body. But NOT before giving you a maudlin speech about how you only did it to save _her_, to protect _her,_ so you had nothing to feel guilty about." She paused to take a deep breath "She was clever enough to cover all the bases though. If you did kill Lex and then have an inconvenient fit of conscience about it later, well you couldn't blame her. After all she **had** told you that she'd married Lex of her own free will, she never **actually** said outright that he forced her. _You_ misunderstood, _you_ misinterpreted; it wasn't her fault that you killed Lex."

Lois sat forward, picked up the chocolates and after scrutinising the selection, picked one out and popped it into her mouth then sat back in her seat. She closed her eyes to better enjoy the rich smooth taste then took a sip of wine before opening her eyes. One look at Clark's face was enough to show her that he was completely dumbfounded. Sitting forward, she picked up the box and offered "Chocolate?" He shook his head and putting it back down, she wiggled to get more comfortable in her seat and once again took up her narrative.

"But you didn't act, you didn't play according to her script, the one she'd so cleverly written for you. You didn't try and kill Lex again, you didn't do anything except give her pitiful longing looks, and a fat lot of good they were doing her." Lois said slowly, while her mind's eye brought the picture clear "I can just imagine how frustrated she must have felt. She wanted out of the marriage but she couldn't just leave, something so commonplace wasn't worthy of _her_. She needed something that would spot-light her as the poor young girl desperate to get away from her brute of a husband, but she couldn't see any way out." Lois sipped the wine to wet her throat and titled her head "Then, almost like a gift from the gods, she got an even better opportunity. She could adapt her strategy; she could play the grieving young widow, and just _think_ of all that lovely money she stood to inherit. Didn't she deserve something for marrying him, for letting him touch her? He'd ruined her life. She was the victim. She was ALWAYS, _the__** victim**_, and everyone knew it."

Lois sat forward, picked up another chocolate and popped it into her mouth, but this time her dialogue barely paused "Lex was trapped in a cave, no one knew how to get in to save him, and he didn't know how to get out; maybe luck was on her side. But just in case, y'know just to make sure nothing went wrong, maybe she could give luck a hand." She sipped the wine again and enjoyed the stupefied look on Clark's face "Then she found out you had gone in to save Lex. You had gone in to save the life of man you bitterly hated for marrying the girl you loved..." Lois sat forward and stressed pointedly "...the girl, who'd already planted the seed in your mind that Lex had strongarmed her into the marriage. Well wasn't this was just getting better and better." Lois wiggled back in her seat and got comfortable once again "No one need ever know if what she implied to you was true or not. You believed her, you always did, and that was all she needed. Lex could have an _**accident**_, the cave _**was **_unstable, and no one would blame you if he didn't make it out, after all you were risking your life to save his, and didn't everyone know that Clark Kent was a good guy who wouldn't hurt a fly. No one knew that Clark had tried to kill Lex just for becoming engaged to her; in fact that whole incident had been nicely hushed up. If Lex had said anything then there'd be cause for worry, but more...fool...him, he'd kept it quiet. Your mom and Chloe could be counted on not to say anything that could incriminate you, and as for Lana herself, well she'd take that little secret with her to the grave. So, if Lex should just _happen_ to die, well it would be a terrible tragedy, but no questions would be asked.

"Fuck Lo, you really think Lana expected me to murder him, to just leave him in there to die?" Clark asked astounded; grateful that he'd at last managed to find his voice.

"You expected him to just leave you there to die Clark." Lois shrugged unconcerned.

"Yeah but….." He trailed off helplessly.

"But what?" She asked politely with quirked brow.

He shook his head but didn't answer.

Lois looked at Clark and said in a soft ruminative voice "You and Chloe have both told me about that day, and do you know what stood out to me as the most significant?" He shook his head fearful of what she was going to say, and soon found that his instincts had been right "Chloe was ready to leave Lex in that cave to rot because of her mom. You thought the world would be a better place without Lex, but decided to help him, and hopefully find some evidence that would incriminate him, no doubt to send him to jail, free Lana and get her back by default. Lana did have blue prints of the cave, but she only handed them over when she found out you were down there, so she was clearly happy to let him perish. But Lex, who's the evil person in this little foursome, was the _**only**_ person who didn't seem to have either death, or murder on his mind that day as he saved your life." She inclined her head and lifted her glass in a toast, before bringing it to her mouth to sip at the contents.

Clark rubbed his brow and swallowed a mouthful of wine "You're right, shit Lo you're right." He saw the sad look in her eyes "I guess that's kind of ironic isn't it."

"Yeah, I'm not saying that I blame Chloe; what happened to her mom was still too fresh in her mind so her momentary lapse of revenge was understandable. If it had been my mom or someone else I loved, more than likely I would have felt the same way." She replied in a bleak voice.

"And me and Lana?"

"Don't go there Hon; I love you in spite of all your fuck up's, but don't ever go there because you know how I feel."

He nodded minutely then softly put forward "Lana was scared of Lex, Lo."

At this Lois scoffed in derision "Oh yeah, she was so scared of him that she danced around you, batting her eyes the whole time they were married. Yeah that was a girl in fear for her life alright." She snorted loudly "Lana came crying to you…"

Clark cut in shaking his head "She went to Chloe…"

Lois rolled her eyes in exasperation "God Clark, crying to Chloe was a direct hotline to you and she knew it. She knew that you were more than a little gullible when it came to her."

"And I fell for it?" He queried, cocking his head to the side.

"Yes." Lois said simply "She was smart enough not to push the bounds of truth by saying that she was forced into the relationship or the engagement; you might not have believed it after the way she'd paraded Lex under your nose for months, but she made damn sure you believed that she'd been coerced, or somehow dragooned into marrying him." Lois paused then finished contemplatively "You thought it was Lana that needed to be saved and protected from Lex; I'm inclined to believe it was Lex who needed to be protected from her."

"Babe, Lex wasn't innocent."

"No he wasn't, but what I find absolutely amazing is that Lana came out of that divorce smelling like a rose, without so much as a hint of scandal attached to her name; yet we both know that she was **far** from sinless herself." Lois' lip curled in ridicule "Lex told me that unless I had a several hours free, he wouldn't have time to tell me about all the shit that she pulled while they were together; and he wasn't just throwing out a line when he said it either. I bet she did a lot of things that no one knows about."

"I imagine that she has done stuff she's not proud off, we all have but…." He rubbed his brow and blew out a breath "I don't agree Lo, sorry." He scratched his neck and sighed.

"You are allowed to have your own opinion Clark." She replied in amusement.

He smiled in return "I know baby and I think that some of what you said could be right, but I don't believe she got involved with Lex deliberately." He shrugged "Years ago I blamed him, but now I think it just happened; she needed someone, he was there and it just happened." He sipped his wine and held out his hand "And I don't think that she wanted me to kill Lex, she was young and scared and yeah ok, she came onto me when she was married to him, but that was because she realised that she didn't love him and wanted me."

"Oh well why didn't you say so, I guess that just makes it ok then." Lois replied sarcastically "I'll have to remember that for when I wanna to get rid of you. It won't be wrong after all, I mean you'll just be my HUSBAND! But hey, I'll just zero in on some poor schmuck who's interested, lay it on thick and hey presto, with a bit of luck I'll not only be rid of you and have a new life to boot, but if I play my cards just right, I'll also come out of it looking like the innocent and wronged party." She finished by snorting indelicately.

Clark sighed deeply "No Lo I'm not saying it was right, but she was young, so was I and …." He trailed off and shook his head helplessly.

Sighing heavily in turn, Lois softened "Look, maybe you're right; as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not infallible and I do tend to get carried away and over analyse things." She smiled ruefully "Anyway whether I'm right or not that was a long time ago, and as you said I have no proof. Besides Lex wasn't killed by accident or anything else, so I'm probably reading more into it then I should because I know how she feels about me." He smiled sympathetically and was grateful that time of his life was long past. Her lips quirked in return and reaching into her robe pocket she pulled out a card "Lex gave me this just before I left, he didn't say anything, just handed it to me."

He looked at the card, turned it over, turned it back and read "Wicca, well it's short and to the point but I don't get it." He replied handing the card back.

"I don't either but it must mean something." She shrugged and tossed it on the table "Chloe said she thinks that what happened was a result of magic, so maybe whoever caused the events last month purchased what they needed from this place."

"If Lex was responsible he wouldn't have given you the card." Clark said putting the pieces together "And when I went to see him I didn't tell him what was going on, so how would he know."

Lois nodded "I don't know, Lex is well connected and he knows stuff that a lot of people don't. Maybe this is a well known shop or coven or whatever the hell for people who are into that shit, and he's trying to help me figure it out."

"Lo, I doubt that Lex would try and help you."

"I don't think so either, but he knows that I don't believe he was responsible, so maybe he really is just trying to help, to thank me for not blaming him." At the expression on Clark's face, her lips quirked "Yeah I know I'm reaching, but even if he gave me this card for a reason that suits his own purposes, I'm still going to check it out."

Clark nodded "We can fly over and check it out but we'll need to look up the website first because there's no address."

"We'll do it tomorrow, it's too late now, and I'm not in the mood for a late night joy flight or hooking up the computer." At the impatient expression on his face, she shook her head "A few more hours aren't going to make any difference."

"We don't know that Lois."

"I know but let's leave it until tomorrow please." He nodded reluctantly "Thank you.

"I wish Jo had talked to me, confided in me but I understand why she didn't."

"She doesn't know you like I do Clark. She liked you, she said so but …."

"But Skipper was still too fresh in her mind; his blind devotion to Lana made her think I wouldn't believe her." At Lois' shrug he titled his head "Do you think that's why she didn't tell me?"

"I don't know, she could have told your mom or Chloe but she didn't. She assumed that I knew and was keeping it to myself, so just decided to do the same."

They sat for a few moments in silence, the soft music the only sound in the room. When the opening chord for 'I only have eyes for you' began to play, Clark placed his glass on the table, got to his feet, and tugged Lois up out of her seat. Taking her glass, he placed it next to his on the table, slipped an arm around her waist, and clasped her free hand in his "Dance with me."

They began to move slowly to the music, swaying softly, smoothly moving around the room as the music changed from one song to another.

His voice came quietly into the room "I've been blind as hell. I saw how manipulative Lana was a long time ago, but I wish that I'd also seen how she felt about you all this time." His lips pressed against her forehead and letting go of her hand, his arm slipped around her waist and joined hands with the other, already resting in the small of her back.

"You can't blame yourself Clark, I knew she didn't like me but I didn't know that she hated me until Jo pointed it out." Her hands slid up and down his arms trying to offer comfort.

He shook his head "I should have seen." He repeated stubbornly, holding her tighter.

"Clark look at me" When his eyes swung down to hers Lois shook her head "You trust people Hon; that's not a bad thing, you trusted Lana, you've known her for a long time and she's kept your secret." When his head shook again, her hand lifted to sit on his cheek "You're a little naïve but I wouldn't change that about you, there are enough cynical people in the world without you joining their ranks. You just try to see the good in everyone."

"Shit Lo, she could have hurt you and Jo's right I wouldn't have suspected her; how could that be a good thing?" He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Looking for the good in people is not a sin Clark, not ever, I'd hate for you to become like most other people; mistrustful, suspicious, sarcastic." Her lips quirked "There's already one of us in this relationship like that; we certainly don't need another."

He smiled in return, smoothly dipped her, pressed his lips to her collar bone, then lifted her back up to hug her tight "I'm glad you are, so just make sure you keep being all three. I can look after myself unless Kryptonite's around, but at least your suspicious nature keeps you on guard when I'm not there."

She snorted back inelegantly "Hey buddy, I was looking after myself long before I knew you, while I was travelling and while you were busy gallivanting around the world." She reminded him snottily.

He grinned in reply "Yeah well just remember that your life and mine are inextricably entwined now, and I'll be royally pissed with you if you let yourself get killed."

She chuckled and rubbed her cheek against his chest, and keeping their arms locked tight around each other's waists they continued to sway to the music "Baby." She looked up "Don't flirt with anyone else, otherwise I'll just have to hurt the poor bastard, and blood is really hard to get out of clothing."

She smiled and lifted her arms to encircle his neck "Yeah, well, I'd better be the only woman you come onto, or there'll be hell to pay buddy." He nodded in agreement then picked her up and settled them comfortably on the bed.

His lips pressed against her cheek, his head lifted, his eyes looked deep into hers and his voice was quiet and sincere "I think I've been romantic long enough, now I just want sex." She burst out laughing, he grinned "We go to the farm the day after tomorrow, which means you're going to make me keep my hands to myself until we return on the 27th, right?" At her nod "Well then I have to nail you as many times as I can before we leave."

She giggled "You're just so mushy and poetic."

"Damn straight, now how did Jo phrase it….as yes." His voice deepened "I've kept this baby away from any other girl and saved it special just for you." He lowered his brows and sent her a hot look out of laughing eyes.

Lois' hand flew up to cover her mouth, trying to stifle her chuckles "We have to discuss it first; we need to talk about how much it means to both of us."

"I don't think we have enough tissues for that, what with all the emotion and the passion, but we can always use toilet paper when we run out." His voice was deadpan but his lips quivered with mirth.

She snorted then began to scream with laughter, he soon joined in and their combined chuckles rang through the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Day: 23rd December_

Clark opened the back door; stood back to allow Lois to precede him into the kitchen then entered "Hi Martha, Hi mom." Both their voices greeted together, turning from the fridge Martha smiled and welcomed them, lifted her cheek to receive Clark's kiss before bending back down to re-inspect the contents of the fridge.

"The coffees hot and there are fresh baked sugar cookies…never mind." She laughed when she turned around to find they'd already made themselves comfortable, Clark was pouring the coffee and Lois was munching on a cookie. He lifted the pot, gestured and nodding Martha joined them at the island for a break.

"Ah now this is nice." She sipped the brew "How was work?"

"Busy, Clark's been running around on Superman duty for most of the last 24 hours, so I've been covering Superman this and Superman that." Lois grabbed another cookie and shoved it into her mouth

Clark nodded and snatched a cookie, figuring he'd better be fast before they were all gone "Yeah, forget Santa being busy at Christmas, Superman has it even worse."

"All the whack jobs come out of the closet." Lois replied, sipped her coffee and asked "What is it with Christmas and crazy people?"

Martha's head moved back and forth between the two as they began to recount the number of emergencies that Clark had to help with, near disasters he had to avert and people he had to save. When they finally ran down she noted there was only one cookie left, and smiled when they both reached out to snatch it and neither was willing to let go.

"Lo I need it, I've been on Superman duty; I need the sustenance." He tried to appeal to her womanly instincts of feeding her man, and failed.

"Huh, you don't need to eat; you only need the sun, so go and fly up into the sky and let go of my cookie." Lois demanded.

"No!" Their eyes stayed locked in battle.

"Clark I've been covering you for 24 hours, I need the damn cookie."

"There's some more in the oven." Martha put forward and when both faces turned to her she cocked her head and gestured "They'll be ready in 10 minutes."

"You can have it Lo, I'll have fresh." Clark raised his hand, grimaced and reached for a napkin to wipe off the crumbs.

"I'll have fresh too." Lois nodded "You can have it Martha." The three of them looked at the plate; saw the smashed cookie then both Kent's turned to Lois. She shrugged and flushed, reached for a napkin and wiped the crumbs off "We can give it Shelby." She compromised.

"That's ok dear; I think this one can be thrown away." Martha replied trying hard not to laugh.

"Umm ok, so what help do you need for cooking and stuff Martha?"

"Everything's under control thank you sweetie; since your dad and sister have other plans, and there's only the three of us there's not much to do."

Lois nodded and hopped off the stool "Well I hope you don't mind but I think I'm just going to go up for a nap. We've barely had any sleep in the last 24 hours and I'm really tired."

"I'll join you Lo, I'm pretty beat myself; you don't mind mom?"

"No of course not honey, I'll wake you both up for lunch, ok?" They nodded and retreated upstairs.

Martha loved having her son and Lois stay and was grateful they both enjoyed coming as often as they did. It was times like these that she missed Jonathan the most. He would have been so proud of their boy, so pleased that Clark was with Lois, so happy to see their son happy. She wished that he could have seen Clark emerge triumphant, from the awkward painful teenage years to become a man secure in himself and his place in the world. A man moreover who had a woman that loved him standing strong at his side; the kind of woman who wouldn't take any guff from anyone on behalf of either her son or his alter ego, but one who also was bright enough to shine on her own. Wiping her eyes on a napkin, she smiled grateful for her life's blessings.

oOo

Clark woke up, looked at the clock and figured he had another 20 minutes before his mom came to wake them up for lunch. His hand rubbed over Lois' arm, then snuck under her shirt, unclipped her bra then scooted to the front, sneakily slipped up and cupped her breast.

She wiggled closer but didn't awaken; they'd been too busy with work and Superman calls to discuss the Lana situation any further but really there was nothing more to discuss.

As he told Lois, he didn't agree with her assessment of the Lana/Lex relationship, it had overtones of truth, and possibly some of it was right and some wrong, but she'd made a damn good argument either way. However, as she'd also pointed out knowing how Lana felt about her, had probably made her look at everything Lana related with a jaundiced eye.

He did know that Lana could be manipulative but whether he was just too trusting and naïve or not, he still felt bad for her. When Lois wouldn't go out with him he'd felt deflated and sad, not as he had when he was younger and mooning over Lana, then he'd been almost desperate. At the time he'd thought it was desperation born of his love for her and his desire not to lose her; now he knew it was desperation at the fear of ending up alone.

That had been his greatest fear; and unfortunately as he got older he felt more and more different to his peers, which resulted in him becoming even more terrified; all of which culminated in him clinging so tight to Lana, it was a wonder the girl could even breathe. If he'd just taken a step back, just once stopped looking at his powers and heritage as a curse instead of a blessing, he would have realised it wasn't Lana's approval he needed to make him feel human; but rather confidence in himself that would have helped him to feel accepted and of worth.

It didn't matter how many pretty girls liked him, he'd been much too smitten by Lana to appreciate anyone else's admiration, it was Lana's seal of approval he'd wanted and striven for repeatedly. Unfortunately because his feelings for her had been unrequited for so long, he'd felt the pain that much deeper the longer she withheld her acceptance of him.

Lois was right, unrequited love was painful but as much as he felt sorry for Lana, if she hated Lois then she wasn't welcome in his life, either both of them were liked and accepted for themselves or neither of them were; he wouldn't compromise on that.

Years ago he and Lana hadn't been friends so much as boy and girl dancing around each other, they had only really become friends after he'd returned from travelling. She was going to be hurt and he hated the necessity of it, but it was for the best and hopefully once he talked to her, she'd be able to move on and finally get the closure that she needed.

"Is that your hand on my breast?" Lois asked sleepily.

His hand clenched gently "Uh huh."

"Thought so." She stretched and yawned "What were you thinking about?"

"Lana, I'm going to talk to her."

She turned over and his hands automatically slid under her shirt to smooth over her back "Clark it's not necessary."

"Yes it is, she needs to know that I have no romantic interest in her, she needs to understand that I love you, and she needs to realise that I don't want her to come here anymore." His voice was inflexible, but his eyes held sorrow.

"We know how she feels now, so just let it go." Lois said softly.

"No Lo, I intend to make it clear that if she hates you, then she's not wanted in my life." Hearing the resolution in his voice, but seeing the sadness in his eyes, she hugged him hard and tucked her head under his chin "I'm sorry Clark; you've been friends for a long time, this is hurting you and I don't suppose what I said about her and Lex really helped."

"I didn't agree with you Lo, it shook me up because taken out of context it could be true, but I'm just glad that I don't feel their relationship played out the way you described. However, as you also pointed out its past history and I'm sure that whatever Lana did wrong, she's as sorry for it now as I am, but…." He lifted her chin "I can do without anyone who feels they have to endure your presence. I won't put up with that Lo; and most especially not from someone who might want to hurt you." Leaning forward his lips sealed with hers.

"Clark, Lois lunch will be ready in 5 minutes." At the sound of the tap on the door and his mom's voice their lips broke apart.

"Thanks mom, we'll be down soon." They listened to his mom's footsteps descending the staircase then turned back to each other.

"I'm going to see her after lunch."

"At least wait until after the 25th, why spoil her Christmas."

He nodded "Ok, but I'm not changing my mind."

She nodded then sat up and snagged her purse from the end of the bed "I'm just going to try calling this place again; we haven't had time to do anything but chase our tails the last 24 hours." However when she called there was still no reply.

"Let's check out the website."

"We'll do it after Christmas; I wanna enjoy the holidays not run around like we're on a story."

"Lois."

"Clark it's only for a few more days. Please let's just leave it for now, a few days aren't going to make any difference."

He nodded his head reluctantly "Ok we'll leave it for now, but when we go back to work on the 27th we'll check it out, deal." Lois nodded and smiled pressing a quick kiss to his cheek in thanks.

Sitting up on the side of the bed, her hands reached around attempting to clip her bra together "Damn it."

His hands moved hers out of the way and refastened the snaps, once done he turned her around to face him and tugged her shirt up to under her chin "Hold this." Her brow lifted, she held the shirt up and shaking her head, began to lightly chuckle when his hand slid inside one cup and fussily adjusted the breast so it was sitting in the bra correctly.

"Just had to cop a last feel didn't you?"

"I'm trying to help." He replied wounded, while his hand moved to the other breast to begin the process over again.

"I could have done it myself." She snorted in amusement.

"And just what kind of fiancé would I be if I let you do that." He demanded, the grievance in his voice clear "I was the one that unclipped, so it's only fair that I be the one to return them to where I found them…correctly." He tacked on when she opened her mouth to rebut; his fingers continued to smooth and pat until he was satisfied before his hand reluctantly slid out.

But when Lois began to slide the shirt back down, he quickly pushed it back up, his fingers tugged one cup down until the nipple was clear, his thumb ran over it several times, and bending down he bestowed a kiss on it before sliding the cup back up and the tugging the shirt down.

At Lois' lifted brow he quickly explained "I didn't want it to feel neglected, after all it was the other one I was holding."

Her lip quivered "You just wanted feel me up."

"No I didn't….ok maybe a little, but only a little." He replied seriously "I've read that men should give equal time to each breast so that neither feels ignored."

"Where did you read that?" Lois asked cocking her head.

"On the internet; it also said that whatever you do with one you should do with the other." He paused and gestured "I didn't give it equal time or attention this time, but the sentiment was there."

She nodded again, leant forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips "You read right."

He beamed, grabbed her hand then tugged her up and out of the room.

oOo

_Day: 25th December_

Arriving home in the late afternoon Lana unlocked her front door, stepped inside, dropped the presents on the kitchen table, switched on the central heating, walked into the laundry to hang up her outdoor gear, went back to kitchen to put on the kettle to boil, and once done headed upstairs to change out of her dress and into some warmer clothes.

It had been nice spending the day with her aunt and her husband, she didn't see as much of Nell as she wanted to, unfortunately they were both busy, but the time they did spend together was always enjoyable. Now that she was older she truly appreciated everything her aunt had done for her, had given up just to bring her up but still wished that she'd been grateful at the time.

Returning to the kitchen, she made herself a strong hot cup of coffee and sat at the table, closing her eyes to better enjoy the taste. Nell was happy, she was genuinely happy, and she was happy for her but couldn't help the slip of envy she felt.

Years ago she'd never thought that Nell and Dean would last, but she'd been proven wrong. When Nell had left Smallville to be with Dean, her aunt had wanted her to go with them; but she'd refused and then promptly felt abandoned.

Nell had taken her in, brought her up, loved her and cared for her and she didn't have to do that, she could have refused. Her aunt had still been a young woman in her early thirties when she'd been remanded into her care. She could have taken her in unwillingly, thinking of it as nothing more than a duty, resenting every moment of it, but she hadn't.

She remembered when Nell met Dean; her attitude had been both disparaging and resentful. She didn't like Dean and she resented Nell for wanting to take her away from everything she knew, so she'd stayed in Smallville and effectively turned her back on her aunt.

She had never once stopped to think that Nell deserved to find happiness, deserved to have a man who loved her, deserved to have a life of her own; all she'd thought about was how Nell getting married affected her.

Her aunt had tried to stay in contact, she'd called, sent emails and presents but although she'd reciprocated on occasion it had only been with reluctance. She and her aunt were very different, had different likes and dislikes but Nell had only ever wanted what was best for her. There had been times she didn't agree with some of Nell's decisions, then again there had been times that she had been a trial to Nell in return. But instead of being grateful to her aunt, instead of loving her as a second mother, turning to her for guidance and support, she'd repaid Nell by making snide remarks to her friends about the cheerleading and horse riding competitions, that her aunt liked to her be in, and then secretly went to the grave yard at night to speak to the tomb stones of her dead parents.

Thank god her aunt had a big enough heart to forgive her when she'd called her from Paris, and began to pour out her heart to her. Nell had been genuinely glad to hear from her, and had quickly grasped the olive branch she'd held out. They'd talked on the phone for hours, filling each other in on their lives and had stayed in firm contact ever since.

She knew the first few times she'd gone to see Nell, her husband Dean had been suspicious of her and protective of her aunt. He'd clearly intended to ensure that she didn't hurt Nell, and if she had, there was no doubt that not only would he have shown her the door, he would have made it clear that she was never to darken it again. Oddly his attitude hadn't bred resentment, it had touched her that he loved Nell enough to ensure her niece didn't play fast and loose with her heart.

Over the past few years she'd spoken to Nell quite a lot about her love for Clark, her regret at letting him go, the decisions she'd made and the hurt she felt that he was now with Lois. She knew that Nell wanted to protect her, to help her but even though her aunt kept telling her to let go of Clark, to find a life of her own, to leave Smallville and move on, she couldn't.

Nell had told her that she understood heartbreak; she'd loved Jonathan Kent when they were in school together but he'd never reciprocated her feelings, and once he met Martha she knew that he never would. However, she understood how hard it was for her niece to let go, she had also had been unable to completely give up, she'd still loved Jonathan long after he was married but eventually she had moved on, gotten over it and then she'd met Dean and her life was as it was supposed to be.

She'd listened, she really had but she knew that she'd never get over Clark, there wasn't a Dean out there for her; Clark was all she wanted and the only man that she would ever love.

Opening her eyes, she got up, switched on the light and proceeded to rummage in the fridge to make up something for dinner. Even though she'd spent Christmas day with Nell and Dean, she'd still cooked and baked so there was plenty of food it was just a matter of deciding what she felt like.

She wasn't hungry now but would be to come dinner time, so decided to warm up some turkey and assorted vegetables in the oven. They didn't need to be put in the microwave as there was no hurry for a hot meal, and while the food was warming she could have another look through the spell book.

She hadn't been able to perfect the spell she'd found, she hadn't been able to find a way to fix what needed fixing, it would have been perfect if it wasn't such a gamble.

She had wondered if there was a way to touch Jo's mind in the past, Jo hadn't been happy to find out she was marrying Clark, but she hadn't found a way to do that either and besides ultimately it still wouldn't work.

She'd thought it previously, her past self wouldn't listen to Clark or Lois or anyone else; she would only listen to one person and that's why the spell was so perfect. She'd ordered the supplies just in case, but with the Christmas period they'd been delayed in the post and probably wouldn't arrive for a few more days, but until or unless she had exhausted all other avenues she wouldn't use them anyway.

She'd go and see Clark tomorrow, when he and Lois had visited his mom a little over a week ago, she'd dropped in but he clearly hadn't been interested in company. He'd been out of his depth fussing over and worrying about Lois' flu, asking for any advice on what he should do, but tomorrow she'd drop in and wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and hopefully get to spend just a few minutes alone with Clark; until things could be fixed, she'd take anything she could get.

oOo

Three people sat in the lounge room of the Kent farm completely replete and satisfied. The day had been nice, homey. Phone calls had come in and gone out as various friends and relatives had called or been called, all for the purpose of wishing each other a Merry Christmas.

Presents had been opened, food had been devoured; they'd napped, and eaten, had drinks and snacks, and basically lazed the day away. Loved one's no longer with them had been remembered, past Christmas' reminisced over. Another Christmas had come and was nearly over and all three had thoroughly enjoyed the day.

"Martha you've gotta stop cooking so much yummy food." Smiling at Lois, the older woman nodded seriously then turned and winked at Clark "Ok sweetie, next Christmas I promise we'll all have frozen take away dinners."

"Now don't talk crazy, I'm only marrying Clark so I have a lifetime supply of your cooking y'know." Lois replied with a long suffering sigh.

"You'd better keep her well fed mom, Lois takes her food seriously." Clark put in, chuckling when his fiancé's elbow poked him in the stomach.

Martha smiled then yawned "Excuse me, I think I'd better go to bed, I'll see you both in the morning." She kissed Clark and Lois, called out a last Merry Christmas and retreated up the stairs.

"God I feel like a whale; Clark why did you let me eat so much at both lunch and dinner?" Lois complained rubbing her tummy.

"Let you, baby I don't think it was a case of me letting you, so much as you letting mom and I have the left over scraps." He replied with a grin.

"Shut up, I wasn't that bad." She slapped his shoulder then returned her hand to begin rubbing her tummy once again "I noticed that you made a pig of yourself both times too, Mr I don't need to eat."

"It's Christmas, it's a universal law that everyone makes a pig of themselves at Christmas." His hand reached over and took over the task of rubbing her tummy.

"Umm." She rested her head against his shoulder and smiled "The room looks nice with just the Christmas lights on."

"Yeah it does." His arm slipped from around her waist and stretching he stood up "I have to get something; I'll be back in a sec." He sped up the stairs and was back on the couch with Lois perched on his lap moments later.

She looked up and grinned at the Santa hat perched on his head "Love the hat."

"Thank you, now have you noticed anything in particular about it?" He pointed and smirked.

"You mean anything like the mistletoe you've clipped to the top, which has made the tip of the hat droop down towards your face." She questioned.

"Yep."

"Nope, I never noticed that." She shook her head and bit her lip.

"Lois, you know very well that mistletoe has a tradition attached to it, now what is that tradition again?" He tapped his chin, licked his lips and sent her a lecherous smile.

"No idea." She returned deadpan.

"You have to kiss me." She leant over and pecked his cheek "No, no, no a _**proper**_ kiss." He stressed patiently.

"I gave you a kiss, it was very proper and no one could say otherwise."

"I want a real kiss…with tongue." She leant over, pecked him again and swiped her tongue up his cheek, laughing when he lifted his shoulder to wipe away her spit from his cheekbone.

"Close but no cigar, this time I want the kiss on my lips and I want tongue action." His eyes laughed into hers as he made it clear exactly what he wanted without room for misinterpretation.

Framing his face with her hands, she leant forward and gave him several closed mouth soft kisses before gliding her tongue inside and moving it over his. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his hands smoothed up her back and down her sides.

Lifting her of his lap, he pushed her down on the couch, his body followed hers and their lips stayed locked, only lifting long enough to change the angle before coming back together again.

His lips finally reluctantly left hers allowing them both to breathe freely "Merry Christmas again Lo." He said softly.

"Merry Christmas." Her hands slid under his shirt and roved over his back.

"This time last year I didn't think Christmas could get any better, but this year's surpassed it." He pushed aside the collar of her shirt and pressed his lips against the hollow of her throat before lifting his head "I love you."

"You'd better." He hugged her tight then slid down behind her, and keeping his arms cosily around her waist, spooned around her and laid his cheek against hers "When are we getting married?"

"I don't know, sometime." She shrugged in reply.

"Sometime." He lifted up and looked down into her face "Can it be sometime in the next year, I'd like us to be married this time next Christmas."

"We still won't be having sex with your mom in the house." Lois smiled and reached up to kiss his nose.

"Damn but you're a cold hearted woman."

"I know." She smirked and laid her head back down, snuggling back into him.

"Baby…?"

"Hmm."

"We've done the dating thing and the living together thing, and now we're doing the engaged thing, I want us to do the married thing."

Turning to face him, she looked into his eyes and smiled "Don't you know that as the man you're supposed to wanna hold off on getting married?"

"Uh huh, but I play by my own rules, you should know that by now; didn't I con you into dating me?" His eyebrows wiggled.

"Really proud of that aren't you."

"Uh huh" He leant forward, and kissed her softly.

She chuckled lightly, slipped her hand under his shirt to sit it quietly on his chest, and leaning forward kissed his chin "We'll get married next year."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me; I'll probably turn into the shrew from hell organising everything." Lois gurgled out a laugh.

"And how will that be any different to what you're normally like?" He chuckled when she pinched him "C'mon my little termagant let's go to bed."

oOo

_Day: 26th December_

Sitting in the loft the next day Clark and Lois relaxed with eyes closed in a blissful state of nothingness. They had to be back at work the next day; back to the routine of yelling bosses and fast approaching deadlines, loud voices and their attention being demanded by a hundred different things at once. But for now, they just wanted to enjoy the lazy winter day, the quiet and being together.

Opening his eyes, Clark smiled at seeing the relaxed look on Lois's face, he super sped to their bedroom and was back a moment later with a box in hand "Here Lo, I got you a last Christmas present while I was out on the Superman call this morning; I thought we could share it." He picked her up and sat her on his lap, smiling at the way she carelessly tore off the fancy wrapping.

"Thanks." Pecking him quickly on the cheek, she ripped off the cellophane, drew off the lid and held out the box of Lindt chocolate.

He shook his head and grinned "Which piece do you want?"

"They're all the same."

"Yeah I know but which one do you want?"

She pointed and he nodded "That's the one I want." She plucked it out, handed it over and began to reach for another piece "Hang on baby, which piece are you going for now?"

When she pointed, he put his back in the box "Then that's the one I want too."

"Oh I see; you want us to _share_." He nodded and grinned, laughing she picked up the chocolate and began to unwrap it as slowly as possible. He chuckled, she giggled but when Lana called out, she quickly wrapped the chocolate back up, shoved it into the box, slid off Clark's lap and ignored the irritation on his face at being interrupted.

oOo

Lana walked up the loft stairs, heard the laughter and paused "Clark, Lois you up here?"

"Yeah Lana."

She walked to the top of the landing to find the two of them sitting on the couch looking as if they were doing nothing more interesting than sitting on the couch. Even so, she had the feeling she'd almost interrupted something and was glad that she'd had the foresight to call out "Hi, Merry Christmas for yesterday."

"To you too." Clark replied, Lois nodded and greeted her back "Would you like a piece of chocolate?" She asked holding out the box.

"No thanks." She shook her head and pulled out the seat from the desk before sitting down "When do you have to be back at work?"

"Tomorrow, the news waits for no one."

Lana nodded and tried to smile but noticed the air seemed uncomfortable and shifted in her seat "Is everything alright."

"Yeah it's fine we're just spending a lazy…." Lois began to reply but was cut off by Clark's voice.

"Actually Lana I need to talk to you; Lo could you please excuse us." The two exchanged eye contact, Lois finally shook her head, patted his leg, sent her a fleeting smile and left.

"Is everything all right Clark?" Lana began to get a prickly feeling and shifted her shoulders trying to relax.

"No, no it's not." He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and sighed. He couldn't ease into this conversation, it was going to be hard enough as it was, he wanted to get it over with quickly; not only for himself but for Lana as well, she didn't deserve to have it drawn out and examined "Lois found a letter on her computer from Jo and I need to talk to you about it."

"What was the letter about?"

"You and me, Jo said that you were in love with me." He heard Lana's indrawn breath, saw the truth in her eyes and his heart hurt. He felt uncomfortable confronting her about something that was her business alone, but if she hated Lois and he didn't have any doubt that Lois and Jo were right; then he couldn't allow the awkwardness he felt stop him from speaking out "She also said that you hate Lois because I'm with her."

Lana wrenched her eyes from his and looked out the window "What do you think?"

"I think she's right, Jo is Lois and she's a damned intuitive woman." He shrugged and gestured "Lois said she already knew that you loved me, but didn't know how you felt about her until she read Jo's letter."

Lana nodded, squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them. She turned back to face Clark, her eyes were glassy, her chin wobbled, but her voice was soft and firm "Yes, I'm in love with you."

"You didn't say anything." He replied gently.

She shrugged half-heartedly "I tried, but when I mentioned us getting back together you thought I was just trying to hold onto teenage feelings."

He nodded in understanding "I'm sorry Lana, I didn't know."

"I know." She tried to smile but couldn't "When you all came to visit the first weekend after you got back, I saw how you felt about Lois at dinner and it hurt. When she wouldn't go out with you, when you talked about her, I finally understood just how Chloe must have felt years ago when you used to talk about me."

He nodded again "I was blind Lana, I only thought of you as a friend so assumed that's how you felt about me." He raked his hand through his hair, stood up and walked to the window to lean against it "I should have seen it because that was Lois' problem. She only saw me as a friend, so had no idea how I felt about her."

"You changed her mind though."

"No I didn't." He countered quietly "I asked her to go out with me and eventually she fell in love with me, but it wasn't because I changed her mind, I couldn't _make_ Lois do anything. We were meant to be together, she'd scoff at that but it's true, Lo and I were always meant to be together. She fought against it longer than I did, and then one day she just fell."

"At one time you thought we were meant to be together."

"I was wrong then but I'm not now."

"How do you know?" She asked quietly.

"I can't explain it, I just know." He shrugged again "I've known from the moment I met Lois, but I wasn't ready to face it then. When I came back from travelling and saw her in the editor's office at work, the knowledge that I'd been hiding from, running from, that she was the one, bit deep into my heart and wouldn't let go." He paused and said softly "I love Lois and that won't ever change." A tear slipped down Lana's cheek followed by a second and a third.

He sighed then asked quietly "Do you hate Lois?"

She nodded and whispered "Yes." Lifting her hand she swiped at her chin and cheeks.

"Because she's with me?" She nodded again "I'm sorry Lana, I am but Lois is my life, she's my priority and I won't have anyone around who just tolerates her, who hates her." Her eyes lifted to his face "I don't think you should come here anymore, nor do I think we should have any further contact."

"I can try…I…" He shook his head "Why not, when I was with other boys you were still around, I didn't just cut you out of my life."

"I know but I don't want Lois to be uncomfortable and she will be knowing how you feel about her, so will I now and so will you." He walked back to the couch and sat down "I don't want you to waste your life waiting for me, I want you to be happy Lana and you won't be until you move on."

"Move on." She let out a soft pathetic laugh "It sounds so easy, _move on_, I've tried to move on but I can't."

Clark nodded "Believe it or not I do understand; if Lois didn't love me I wouldn't be able to move on either. I'd want to keep her close just to have her near, but it wouldn't have been the best thing for me, sometimes a clean break really **is** the best thing."

"Have you ever heard the song _How am I supposed to live without you_?" He shook his head then shrugged undecided "The woman is asking a man that she's loved for years, how she's supposed to live without him now that he's met someone; how is she expected to survive when everything she's been living for is gone." Her lips smiled but her eyes showed only weariness "I've listened to that song a lot over the last few years."

"I'm sorry Lana." Clark eyes showed sadness and regret "I honestly never meant to hurt you, and I regret that I've unknowingly done that."

"You said that to me before remember." She smiled in sorrowful amusement "But I want you to know Clark, it was never just you hurting me, I did my share of hurting you too." She stood and so did he "I love you Clark."

His lips curved in a smile of pathos and compassion "Good bye Lana."

She searched his eyes and seeing the finality in his, closed her own "Good bye Clark." She whispered then turned for the stairs, made her way down and out of the barn.

Clark sat down on the couch, blew out a breath, ran his hands through his hair and swore quietly under his breath. He truly felt sorry for Lana because he did understand, but keeping her in his life, even in the peripheral wouldn't help her, it would only hurt. She'd put her life on hold long enough hoping that he'd want her back.

Oliver loved Lois but he didn't waste his life waiting for her, he went out with other women, he did his Green Arrow work, he ran his business and most of all he didn't hate him because he was engaged to Lois.

Oliver regretted, he was sad but he didn't hate and that was what disturbed Clark the most, that both Lex and Lois believed Lana would hurt his fiancé out of animosity. He couldn't allow that, he felt sorry for Lana but he didn't feel so sorry that he would withstand her trying to hurt Lois because of her love for him.

She said that she'd tried to move on; and maybe she had, but she hadn't done herself any favours by seeking him out, by coming to Metropolis or by spending so much time at the farm when he and Lois visited. That could only have hurt her more and bred resentment at seeing him with Lois.

He'd done the right thing and hoped for her sake that she did let go this time. It would be best if she left Smallville altogether. Since his mom still lived here, he didn't have the option of never coming or he would stay away, if only to spare Lana the sight of him and Lois together. Sighing deeply he stood up, walked down the stairs and back to the farm house.

oOo

"Are you ok dear, you keep looking outside?"

"I'm fine Martha." Lois shook her head and quickly amended "No I'm not, I wouldn't tell you this except you need to know; otherwise you'll wonder why Lana doesn't come to the farm anymore."

Martha looked at Lois curiously, and when Lois gestured for her to sit down, she poured two cups of coffee, took a seat at the kitchen table and listened quietly while Lois explained.

When Lois finally ran down she looked at her future daughter in law, lifted her mug, sipped then sighed "It's sad."

"Yes it is."

"But I agree with Clark." At Martha's statement Lois' head cocked to the side "That she loves Clark is sad, but that she hates you is worrying. He's made the right decision."

Lois sighed in resignation "I know and I can't say that I'm not relieved because I've felt uncomfortable for a long time now, but still, even with everything I feel sorry for her; loving someone who doesn't love you back has to be brutal." She shrugged unhappily. "The worst I've had it was crushing on a guy who wasn't interested when I was in Junior High, and that hurt enough, but love…hell, it has to be a whole lot worse for her."

"Feel sorry for her, but do as Lex says and watch your back." Lois nodded slowly but feeling the need to press her point Martha quietly cautioned her further "Lana has pretty much always gotten her own way, but now that Clark's making it clear that he loves you and doesn't want her in his life, she might become dangerous and spiteful."

"I know, but now that we're not going to see her anymore…."

"No sweetie, listen to me; she might take Clark telling her well or she might scream and cry but either way, eventually she'll begin to think." Lois nodded in understanding "And when she finishes thinking, hopefully she'll realise that staying away is the best thing and you won't ever have to see her. However, if she doesn't then remember what Lex said, that she'll see you as nothing more than an obstacle in her way, and she might decide that you need to be removed, so please stay cautious." She put down her coffee, reached out and clasped Lois' hand the urgency in her expression transparent.

Lois smiled and nodded again "I will Martha, hopefully it won't be necessary but I will." She patted the older woman's hand "I feel sorry for Clark too. He and Lana have been friends for a long time and he cared about her once, so this is hurting him as well."

"Yes he'll be hurt but he will get over it, what he wouldn't get over is losing you." Martha picked up her coffee again and sipped "Lana and Clark are friends and he loved her as a boy, but even then it wasn't her that was closest to him, so he'll be fine. He'll have you; who is essential to him and he'll have Chloe who's been a friend to him since he was a boy."

Lois nodded and catching movement from the corner of her eye, looked out the window to see Lana climb into her car and drive away "She's gone but I think I'll leave Clark alone for a bit, he'll be hurting now and he doesn't need me badgering him with questions." She looked at Martha shame faced and shrugged "I uh, hell I kinda said some things about Lana that Clark didn't agree with; we didn't argue or anything, but you know what I'm like. I think I've said enough right now on the Lana front."

Martha smiled and patted Lois' hand "Are you going to tell me?"

"Are you sure you wanna heart it?"

Martha nodded and listened silently to Lois' theory, she smiled, frowned, and shook her head and when Lois grew silent she sipped her coffee before speaking "Well that's a very…um interesting view point."

One corner of her lip lifted "It's funny isn't it, on the one hand I feel sorry for her, and on the other …." Lois sipped her coffee "So c'mon give it to me straight, what'd you think?"

"Oh no, I'm not saying anything, except that lunch will be ready soon, and as we're just having left overs and they've been warming in the oven, why don't we set the table."

Lois chuckled shaking her head "Ever the politician, I'll do it Martha." She waved her hand and began to get out plates, cutlery and glasses while Martha cut the bread. Lois had just reached in to begin carrying out the warm dishes from the oven when the back door opened and Clark stepped inside.

"God that was awful."

"Lois told me sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty lousy mom." He hugged Martha then stepped over and took Lois in his arms hugging her tight. Letting go he helped to take the food out of the oven and once done they sat at the table and began to pass bowls and dishes back and forth, filled the water glasses and buttered the bread, Lois' voice was the first to break the silence.

"How'd it go?" She asked sympathetically.

Clark blew out a breath "Well it wasn't easy but I didn't bother mucking around. I wanted to make it as easy on her as I could, so I got straight to the point."

"And?"

"And you and Jo were right." He picked up the water and sipped "I felt really bad for her when she said that she'd tried to tell me how she felt and I misunderstood. I felt even worse when she said that listening to me talking about you had hurt her, but I felt really wretched when I told her that we shouldn't have any further contact, and she looked at me like I'd punched her in the stomach."

"It was the best thing sweetie." Martha said quietly.

"I know mom but I don't ever want to have to do that again." He reached over and took Lois' hand in his.

"How'd she take it?" Lois asked squeezing his hand in commiseration.

"Surprisingly well. She looked shell shocked, hurt and although she cried she was quiet and…dignified really." He smiled sadly and let go of Lois' hand.

The three ate in silence for a while but when lunch was over they stayed seated at the table "Honey." He looked over at his mom in question "I've told Lois and now I'm telling you, be careful."

Clark nodded "I will mom."

"Good, because once she gets over the shock, she might see herself as the victim, and the saying _'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'_ is a saying, because for some women it's very true." Martha kept her eyes straight on Clark "She knows your weakness to Kryptonite, and she knows that you'll be lost without Lois, so be careful."

Clark reached over and picked up his mom's hand "I promise mom, I will."

She nodded, got out of her seat, walked to Clark, hugged him from behind then turned and did the same to Lois, standing back up she looked at both of them "Just remember, the two of you are essential to me."

They looked at each other, smiled then rose and enfolded Martha in their arms, enjoying a three way hug "The same goes for both of us Martha." Lois kissed the elder Kent's cheek, Clark kissed the top of Martha's head "What Lo said mom, you're essential to us too."

oOo

Lana walked into her house, went to the laundry, hung up her outdoor gear, returned to the lounge room, took her time selecting the right CD and once it started playing, went to the kitchen, pulled out the bottle of wine from the fridge, grabbed a glass, filled it and sat at the table with her eyes closed, sipping the wine and listening to the music.

She didn't feel anything and that was what she wanted, total numbness. She wanted to just sit; not think, or worry, not plan or cry, she just wanted to enjoy her wine and listen to the music.

However, her mind refused to stay silent, and the tears she was determined not to shed welled up and spilt from under her closed lashes. She didn't bother to wipe them away; she was at home, in her sanctuary. No one could look in and no one could see that her insides had been shredded.

There was no point in doing a forget spell, Jo's letter was still on the computer. She could make them forget for now, but Lois would once again find the letter and Clark would once again order her out of his life. And no matter how she looked at it, that was what he'd done. He'd been kind, he'd been gentle, but his voice had been inflexible and his eyes had been sad but determined. She couldn't go through that again, the last time he'd been angry but relatively calm; this time he'd been softer but just as unyielding.

When he said that he understood how she felt because he would have felt the same had Lois not wanted him, she'd felt as if he'd reached in, ripped her heart out of her chest and squeezed until the blood was running down his closed fist.

He'd always gotten who he wanted, Chloe had been ready to do anything for him, she had fallen in love with him and Lois had succumbed to him. So even though he said understood how she felt, he didn't.

When he broke up with her years ago she'd been devastated, when he didn't want her back after her divorce she'd felt crushed, when she hinted for them to try again after he came back and was refused she'd been desolate, when she realised he liked Lois she'd felt betrayed, but this time there was no one word that could describe how she felt.

Clark breaking up with her years ago had been the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Marrying Lex when Clark wanted her back had been the biggest mistake of her life, but bringing Lois back to life was the single most monumental regret that she had. More than marrying Lex, more than turning down Clark, that was the one thing she would give anything to undo.

With Lois forever gone he would have turned to her eventually, Jo would have returned to the past, and just to be desired by someone would have been enough to get him back in her arms. He would have felt disloyal at first, but he would have wanted to be happy more, and he would have found happiness with her.

Opening her eyes, she re-filled her glass, picked the spell book up from the table, walked into the lounge, switched the music off and retreated to her bedroom.

Dropping the book on the bed, and placing the glass on the bedside table, she closed the blinds, lit the candles, switched on the music then stepped into the bathroom had a quick shower, pulled on Clark's shirt and got comfortable under the covers.

She'd looked and couldn't find a way to perfect the spell, nor could she find any others that would work just as well, so fuck it, fuck everything; she was going to take the chance. The items she needed would be here soon, all she had to do was study the spell and keep studying it until she had it in her head verbatim. If she could find a way to make it flawless she would, but she wasn't going to let that stop her, because she just didn't have the time to worry about niceties.

If she didn't take the chance she'd lose him for good, and she couldn't do that. Taking the chance would cost her nothing, but not even trying would forever have her living with more regrets then she had at present. He was all that she wanted; and regardless of what he felt for Lois now, be it a crush, infatuation, lust or even love, it could never compare to the way he'd loved her. That had been inviolate. He'd yearned for her; he'd been crazy about her, whatever love her had for Lois now, could only ever be pathetically puerile compared to that.

She wasn't interested in moving on, she didn't want anyone else, it was Clark or no one. Once upon a time she had been the same for him, and she would be again.


	6. Chapter 6

Opening note: I found the plot of Lana being so clever that she could outsmart Lex, to be nothing less than a massive insult to the audience, and to the character of Lex in particular. Taking Lex away from every media but Smallville, I had spent the 5 years previously watching him chew up his business competitors and spit them out. I'd watched episodes thinking that he'd been screwed over by his father and lovers/business rivals, only to find out that he'd actually turned the tables and out manoeuvred them time and again. And then they actually belittle my intelligence by trying to get to believe that a girl who was barely out of high school, and more often than not needed help just to cross the street safely, was suddenly so brilliant that she could out think Lex. I know the writers loved Lana but COME ON!

How in the hell they weren't embarrassed to put that ludicrous storyline out there still has my head spinning to this day, and why they didn't just call this show Lanaville from the beginning has me totally mystified. Unlike the writers who seemed to have gotten Lex confused with Greg Brady when it suited them; which of course was when it was anything Lana related, I haven't forgotten that Lex **IS** Lex Luthor. So below is what I believe really went on behind the scenes.

BTW: I normally only use my computer on the weekends, but as I'm currently on holidays from work I can update this story twice weekly for the next few weeks if people want. As it's already written it's not a problem, but because the chapters are long I don't want to bombard you with too much either. Please let me know, or I'll just stick to the once a week time-frame as usual.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 6**

_Day: 27__th__ December_

After their first work day following Christmas, Lois decided to keep busy while waiting for Clark to return with their dinner. She switched on the laptop, poured herself a cup of coffee and retrieved the card Lex had given her from her purse. Taking a seat at the kitchen table, she waited patiently for the computer to power up, then hook into the internet and once done typed in the website address. Nothing seemed out of place, she read the information then clicked on the various tabs, each one extolling the virtues of the different product types and what was on offer.

She couldn't find anything and picking up the phone, dialled the shop but when there was no answer, tossed the receiver back down. Once again, she clicked on each tab, reading everything slowly and carefully; and there on the fourth and final tab, she saw what she hadn't been prepared for "Son of a bitch!"

"Baby is something wrong?" Clark heard the curse roll out just as he opened the door and stepped into the apartment. "Lo?" He placed the dinner on the table and looked at the computer screen "Ah the website, what'd you find?"

"Pretty nice isn't it?" He nodded but knew that more was to come and was completely unprepared for the discovery "Now lookie here." Lois' finger pointed to the very bottom of the screen at the proprietors name; the writing was faint but clear enough to read just the same.

"Lana owns it." Clark said flabbergasted taking a seat at the table.

"Yeah, Lana the woman who's in love with you just happens to own a magic shop; what are the odds?" Lois asked cynically.

"You think she was responsible for what happened?"

"I don't wanna say yes without proof, but it's hugely coincidental wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah; and Lex knows she owns it."

"Oh I don't think there's much about Lana that Lex doesn't know." Lois smiled without humour.

"You think he keeps tabs on her?" Clark asked frowning.

"Put yourself in Lex's place. You love your wife, but you can't help noticing that she and her ex-boyfriend are still sniffing around each other exchanging doe eyed looks." When Clark's face flushed, Lois shrugged in apology "You've been burned too many times before to not recognise the signs, so the conviction you had that you could trust her completely is fast wearing thin; what are you gonna do?" She asked, tilting her head inquiringly.

"You're going to keep tabs on her." He replied flatly.

"Right!" Lois nodded once emphatically "Clark he loved her but he wasn't so stupid that he wouldn't have protected himself, and anyone who thinks otherwise must have rocks in their head. He wasn't a boy, and he'd been screwed over before, he'd been in the cut throat world of business for years, and he'd been pulling shady deals for god knows how long." Lois said pointedly "And just because she left him, doesn't mean that he stopped loving her straight away, but it does mean that he would have wanted to know everything she did." At the curious look aimed at her, Lois elaborated "He might have trusted her at first but it wouldn't have been for long because she never gave him any reason to think he could. So yeah, I think he kept tabs on her while they were married. I don't think there's much Lana did that Lex didn't know about, but after she left him, he would have made it a priority to know it all."

Lois sat back in her seat and drummed her fingers on the table "I bet after she left him he threw huge gobs of money at the best in the business; people who were discreet, had rock solid reputations but were the BEST; computer hackers, security experts the lot. He would have had them take his computers apart file by file and byte by byte, and the in house security, the work security, his safes, the cameras; the video's and film footage from the camera's, and any other devices he had installed. And once he'd amassed all the evidence of everything she fiddled with, he would have kept it all in a safe place."

"You really think he did all of that?" He asked completely flummoxed. It had never occurred to him that anyone would do something like that.

"Mmm hmm, I bet Lex has a nice big fat file on Lana." Lois sat forward, rested her elbow on the table, cupped her chin in her hand, pondered then continued quietly "Every single thing that she did. All the things that she _thinks_ she's gotten away with. All her dirty little secrets that she thought were well hidden or forgotten have all been documented and recorded with hard proof, and he would have been smart enough to make multiple copies."

"Then why hasn't he done anything?"

Lois gave a half shrug "There could be a number of reasons. He might be keeping it as a security net in case she tries anything. Or he could be giving her plenty of time to get comfortable, to think she can relax so that when he's ready, at a time that suits him, he can nail her hide to the wall. Or one day he might just decide to taunt her with what he has and enjoy watching her squirm, but I guarantee he'd have something."

Clark shook his head in dismay, Lois' lips lifted in a half smile while her head shook in disdain "Lana's problem was that she thought she could treat Lex with the same careless contempt she treated all her boyfriends, and walk away with barely a bruise. What she should have remembered was that Lex wasn't a boy, and he takes no prisoners; especially when he feels betrayed."

Remembering the heartbreak on Lana's face when he told her goodbye, recalling all that he and Lana had suffered at Lex's hands, becoming more than a little tired of Lois sniping at Lana and defending Lex; Clark's hackles began to rise as his temper began to fray "C'mon Lois, Lex _**wasn't**_ a nice guy. He let her think she was pregnant for god's sake."

"Yeah that was awful. Letting her think she was pregnant, I mean wow; how evil." Lois shivered mockingly.

"It **was** pretty damn awful, are you saying that you wouldn't have been scared finding out you were pregnant at 19?" He asked impatiently.

"Oh for god's sakes Clark, considering what Lex IS capable off, I'd say that letting Lana think she was pregnant is pretty lame by comparison." Lois replied irritated "Say what you like about Lex but the man all but doted on that girl; he was a billionaire, it wasn't like she was going to be destitute and homeless. She wants to be scared? Then how about being an unmarried mother with no money, no one to turn to and no help in sight. I knew a couple of girls whose boyfriends pissed off when they found out they were pregnant, **those** girls were scared and they had genuine reason to be." He heard the angry tone in her voice but before he could interrupt she continued "If Lex had let Lana believe she was pregnant, then informed her that after the baby was born he was going to take it from her, and then kick her out of his life with just the shirt on her back, _**that**_ would be reason to shit herself. Not just because she thought she was pregnant." She finished sardonically.

Clark's lip curled in scorn "Oh so you think it's ok that he did that to her; nice Lois you're starting to remind me of Lex."

"I didn't say it was _ok_, but considering you and Lana were carrying on like morons, it's a wonder he didn't turn the screws and really make her sweat by questioning the paternity of the so called baby." She returned waspishly.

"So according to you she deserved it." He retorted heatedly; pushing his chair back to stand and planting his hands on the table to lean forward.

"Why don't you try opening your ears and actually listening to what I'm saying, instead of assuming and getting it wrong?" Lois replied incensed, and pushed her chair back to stand as well, her posture a mirror image of his "If Lana was scared…"

"If she was scared, IF." He cut in angrily "Of course she was damn well scared, so would you have been, she didn't feel like she could turn to anyone…."

She cut across him with a loud snort "Well here's a novel idea, maybe she could have tried turning to her husband…."

"Right Lois, turn to the man who let her believe she was pregnant; good idea." He cut her off to gibe snidely.

"Oh right, and with her ex-boyfriend elbowing him out of the way, how she could possibly even see her husband; how stupid of me to forget that." She jeered back in turn.

He ground his teeth together, ignoring the flush creeping up his neck "I was trying to be a friend, so was Chl…."

"You were trying to get back into her pants!" Her voice slashed through his bluntly "And she wasn't trying all that hard to stop you."

"You know damn well we didn't do anything." He replied angrily.

"But not for a lack of trying." She returned swiftly.

He scrubbed one hand over the back of his neck "Lana and I were kids; Lex wasn't."

"Lana and I, Lana and I..." Lois sing songed mockingly "...you're starting to remind me of Skipper. Were you and Lana mentally deficient? NO! You were just a pair of brats." She finished tersely.

"Thanks babe." He replied sarcastically "I wonder what comforting words you would have given me had you known everything at the time." Her mouth opened but before she could reply, he jeered bitingly "No, don't tell me, I'm sure you would have been the same encouraging friend you always were."

"If I'd known about everything that was going on in the background, what I would have done was given you a good hard boot up the ass, instead wasting my time trying to tell to get over the stupid girl." She stood up straight, shook her head and rolled her eyes in frustration.

"You're the one who's always big on being fair Lois, so how about looking at the situation fairly and seeing what Lex did." He also stood up straight; his voice quiet but forceful "Lex was a cold ruthless bastard, so how about seeing THAT side of things."

"Ok, let's look at the situation fairly shall we." She asked calmly "You and Lana left Lex hanging by his balls in public as the person to blame for _everything, _while ensuring to keep your own dirty dealings in that joke of a marriage out off the public consciousness. Is that about right, is that a fair assessment?" She bit out caustically.

"FUCK!" He flung away from the table, paced across to the window, stared hard outside before turning back around "Do you have to be so bloody minded Lois?" He asked in exasperation "Yes we were wrong, but Lex **wasn't** the unsullied innocent you seem intent on painting him." He stared hard into her eyes "Just whose side are you on here anyway; Lex is a monster?"

"I know what Lex is and what he isn't; and I'll happily accord to him everything that HE'S done wrong. But if you were hoping that because I love you I'd turn into a brainless automaton, and give you fucking platitudes to exonerate you for YOUR part in that sordid little tale, then you're out of luck." Her tone was calm, but the shaking hands that lifted to rest on the back of the chair betrayed her inner turmoil.

"Or maybe I'm with the wrong woman." He countered vehemently, and heard her breath catch before her chin lifted defiantly.

Her fingers clenched hard into the back of the chair turning the knuckles white before her hands fell carelessly to her sides "Well maybe you are at that! There's the door, there's the window, take your pick." She flung her arm in the direction of one and gestured with her head to the other "Go to Lana, she'll take you back in a second, and the best part is she thinks you can do no wrong as long as it's for HER benefit." Lois raised her hand to run it through her hair when her eye caught the light sparkling from her ring "Wait, what am I thinking, sending you to Lana without the obligatory engagement ring…." she slapped her forehead in sarcasm, slipped the ring off and tossed it to him "…now that she knows all your secrets god knows what the two of you will talk about if you're not begging her to marry you." When he didn't move she pointed to the door again and demanded "Well what are you waiting for Clark you have the necessary prop in your hand; the one you always need when you talk to Lana. I've even given you a new conversation starter…." She paused and let out a dry mirthless laugh "…this time the two of you can talk about how **I** don't understand, how **I** was keeping you apart. It should make a nice change from blaming Lex for every fuck up in your lives."

_He was right…_ and her heart constricted in her breast at the knowledge…_she wasn't the right woman for him. She wasn't the kind of woman who_ _could overlook his faults, and only applaud his good deeds. She loved him, but had to be true to herself first. They'd been fooling themselves for a long time, but the truth could no longer be ignored. He used to hate the way she was so out spoken, calling a spade a spade, but that wasn't something she could or would change. She'd never be the kind of woman who would give him hackneyed phrases and tired excuses when he was wrong, and if that was what he wanted; and it appeared that it was, then it was much better to face it now rather than later… _ruthlessly she suppressed the ball that began to crawl up her throat_. She'd cry afterwards, when it was over and she was alone she'd cry, but for now she'd be damned if he'd see her bleeding._

His hand held the ring safely, while his eyes held fast to hers and his heart pounded in fear. _She wasn't kidding and after what he'd said she wouldn't ask him to stay. He didn't want any woman but Lois, and knew that what he'd said was complete bullshit anyway. He had no right to talk about Lex's behaviour 8 years ago, when his own belonged in the gutter alongside the other man's. _He swallowed heavily and felt his eyes burn when he saw the sheen of tears in hers. _Why the hell would he say that she was the wrong woman for him? He'd spent months loving her silently, months wanting her to love him in return, months feeling like the luckiest man alive when she finally did love him, and only recently he'd been damned grateful that she'd been returned to him at all. Lois hadn't changed, he'd never wanted her to, and now in a moment of anger he'd hurt her by saying that she was wrong woman for him simply because he hadn't liked hearing what she'd said._

He squeezed his eyes shut tight before opening them to meet hers "You're right, Lana and I had no right to pillory Lex when our own behaviour was questionable. If you said it didn't matter because it was only Lex that we castigated, I couldn't be with you either, because I wouldn't be able to respect you or hold you in any kind of esteem." He shoved the ring in his pocket and walked over to scoop her into his arms "I hate being reminded of what I did and automatically try to find excuses for it, but I know there aren't any." He kissed her forehead "I'm sorry for saying you were the wrong woman for me."

"Maybe I am." She replied subdued, pushing out of his arms to walk over to the sink and lean back against it "I'm never going to be the kind of woman who holds her tongue and doesn't speak out." She shook her head and concluded softly "I've told you before that even if I could change who I am for you I wouldn't; that _won't_ ever change Clark."

"I don't want you to change."

"I think sometimes you do." She countered rubbing her brow.

"I don't Lois, if I wanted someone who was happy to let me live in denial by never telling me when I'm wrong, had never _done_ anything wrong, I wouldn't be with you because I know you're not like that." He returned quietly.

She shrugged half-heartedly "Look I think we should just forget about this, we've both got issues and were not rational about it….we can't.…I think we need…." She blew out a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair "I'm going to sleep in the spare room tonight; we can talk in the morning."

"No don't, please." He quickly crossed the room and pulled her into a tight hug burying his face in her hair "I love you baby, if you sleep in the spare room I'll just come in there and join you." His arms gently crushed her tighter against his chest.

"I love you too but love isn't enough." She swallowed hard, holding him just as tightly as he was holding her "We're too different Clark."

"No we're not; in the essentials we're not different at all." He rocked her softly pressing his lips against her hair "I don't want you to change Lo, I don't want you to change at all; I love you the way you are." He pulled back, lifted his hands to cup her face and rub his thumbs gently under her eyes "I don't want you to give me excuses and reasons, I did that for years and I don't want to start doing it again."

"But you don't need someone who shoves your past in your face just because she's angry Clark, you don't deserve that either." She swallowed hard "I'm still the same person I was when we met; I'm still argumentative and impatient, bitchy and rude; you used to hate that about me, but that's not going to change." She tried to pull out of his arms, but when his tightened she just pressed her face back against his shoulder "We didn't like each other years ago, maybe there was a reason for it."

"I only used to hate it because I'd never met anyone like you and I didn't know how to handle it, but I'm older now Lo and I do. I love all the facets of your personality, not just the nice ones." He paused and continued softly "And the only reason we didn't like each other years ago is because we were young, and not ready to face that we were meant." His lips pressed against her forehead, and his arms tightened a little more.

Her voice was quiet and hesitant "Look I really think we should sleep on this. We're both pretty combative, me more so than you, but the next time we have a fight..."

"I don't need to sleep on anything," He cut in swiftly, cupping her face once again and pressing his mouth against hers; their lips clung for several moments before his head lifted and his eyes sought hers "I'll take your anger and everything else because it's a part of you; I'm not perfect Lo you know that, you've seen me angry, you've seen me intractable and stubborn but you love me anyway." He said softly; keeping his eyes fixed on hers and held his breath waiting patiently.

_She could feel her heart beating; it was so funny, usually she never noticed it but right now was aware of every thud. She didn't want to let him go, but didn't want to hold onto him because of fear either. They had both gone for the jugular, her by throwing his past in his face knowing that he hated it; him by saying that she was the wrong woman knowing that she wondered why he put up with her at times. _She swallowed hard at the steadfastness in his eyes;_ if she gave in now, one day all the things he used to detest about her could once again get under his skin turning his love to hate. He was the centre of her life, and that's what scared her, if his love turned to indifference, what would be left of her afterwards? _She bit her lip_ what should she say, yes, no, maybe. She loved him more than anything, anyone, but she was aware that he wasn't just asking if she loved him, he was asking her to keep the faith, asking her if she believed they had what it took to make it for the long haul; _in the end she answered his question honestly and whispered "Yes."

He kept his gaze steady on hers; when her eyes filmed over and a tear trickled out of the corner, his thumb brushed it away, but his gaze never wavered; _if she said no, he'd join her in the spare room and talk until he was hoarse; if she said that she needed time, he wouldn't give it to her; he wouldn't give her time to shore up her walls. Unless she said yes he wouldn't leave her be; Lois was the pivotal key in his life and everything else came after. He knew that she loved him; she'd told him that she needed him, but it didn't seem possible that she could love or need him as much as he did her. _He could see reflective hope in her eyes, could hear the thud of both their hearts, and when she whispered yes, he felt the tightness in his gut loosen. His eyes closed_; It had felt like an eternity while he'd waited. She'd known that he was asking her not to let go, and was grateful that he didn't have to try and convince her that they did have what it took to make it; he knew they did and was thankful that she did also. _He opened his eyes and looked into hers "Thank you; I wouldn't have let you go baby, but thank you for having faith in us."

She let out a shaky breath and tucked her head under his chin "I should be thanking you; I'm more argumentative, but you're more stubborn." She said softly "I've told you before that I could never walk away from you."

"That's a two way street because I could never let you leave." He stroked his hand hard down her back then dug the ring out of his pocket, picked up her left hand, slipped the ring back onto her finger, and kissed the knuckle above the engagement ring "I'm always stubborn about the things that mean the most to Lo, and you're on the top of that list."

He swung her up into his arms, walked into their bedroom, and lay down; automatically they both turned on their sides to face each other. Leaning forward their lips pressed lightly, the kiss was soft, gentle, then longer, harder; mouths opened, tongues explored, lips broke apart and came together again, tongues danced, teeth nipped, then the kisses gentled once again. Their eyes opened and sought each others.

"I'm sorry." He pressed his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry for being so bitchy to you about what happened back then." Her hand slipped under his shirt and sat over his heart "We argue a lot but I shouldn't have said what I did, it was a low blow."

"It hurt because it was true."

She shook her head in swift denial "I shouldn't have said it. We've talked about it, and it's in the past and over, so I had no right to shove it in your face."

He hugged her tight then stood up and swiftly removed his clothes before rejoining her on the bed, and tugging her up to a sitting position "Lift your arms baby." When her arms lifted, he tugged the t-shirt over her head, unclipped her bra, and gently pushed her back down to slip off her sweat pants and panties before moving to lie in the cradle of her thighs.

Lifting up on one elbow, his free lifted to smooth back the hair from her forehead "Remember the first time we made love?"

She nodded and smiled slightly.

"I was a little nervous because it had been a long time, and only once at that." He bent down and kissed her softly "I didn't have time to think about it because we were kind of impatient; but from the first kiss to the last moment, I couldn't believe that I was making love with the woman I'd loved for so long." His palm cupped her cheek and his eyes looked deep into hers "That night I lay beside you while you slept, and I kept reaching out to touch you just to make sure that it was real. I don't want you to change Lo, because then you wouldn't be the woman I love anymore." His thumb brushed aside the tear that trickled down her cheek.

"I feel the same way; everything you've done, all your experiences have shaped you into the person you are now. I wouldn't change any of it; good, bad or otherwise because then you wouldn't be the man that I love." She stroked her hands over his back up and into his hair, threading her fingers though the strands.

"I shouldn't have compared you to Lex."

"I shouldn't have compared you to Skipper." Her lips twitched, so did his, she began to giggle, he chuckled and wrapping their arms around each other they laughed and hugged, and when their laughter died down they kissed softly.

"Some of our arguments kinda get out of hand, huh?"

"Yeah they do, but I'd still rather be with you than anyone Lo."

"I'd rather be with you as well, but…."

"No buts, ok so we're not the most even tempered couple in the world, big deal. Isn't there a saying about how you can only really get under the skin of the person who loves you? That they're the one person you can fight and argue with honestly, because you know they still won't turn away." His arms hugged her tight.

"Yeah but …." He shook his head and kissed the side of her neck "No buts."

Her hands cupped his face and leaning forward she pressed her lips against his.

Their loving was slow and gentle, they took their time, neither wanted to rush; hands caressed, lips met, parted then came back together. When he slipped inside her they both sighed but kept the rhythm lazy and smooth. Hips met and parted, mouths stayed locked, then lifted, changed angles and came back together as tongues explored. When completion came, his arms fastened tight around her waist, hers around his neck; and once they'd settled, he withdrew and turned onto his back with Lois cradled against his chest; they stayed like that uncaring of the passage of time. His hands smoothed over her back, up and down the arms around his neck, across her shoulder blades and back up again; _thank god he hadn't lost her in a moment of irate carelessness. _

Her face stayed pressed into the side of his neck; _thank god she hadn't insisted on pushing him away in a moment of false pride. _

He turned them on their sides, but kept her in the circle of his arms "You said that love isn't enough and you're right, but I don't just love you Lo. I'm not a boy anymore, unlike my infatuation for Lana; fear of ending up alone wouldn't be enough to keep me holding onto you if all I felt was attraction. I already had a good idea what you were like because I'd known you years before, so even though I knew that I loved you as soon as I saw you in Perry's office, how I felt then is only a pale imitation to how I feel now. I know that you get impatient and bitchy and everything else sweetheart, but I don't care, I don't see them as a negative; to me they're just the things that make you more captivating. My love for you keeps growing; it's not just built on attraction but on liking and respect; the great sex we have is just the icing; I adore you baby." He lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss against her knuckles.

She nodded minutely "I feel the same way; love is such a weak word to describe how I feel about you; but if all I felt was love, and didn't admire or respect you for yourself; not just your Superman side but your Clark side as well, we wouldn't be together now because love will die if there's nothing else to enrich it." She lifted her hand and rubbed a thumb over his lips "If you had gone to Lana, it would have killed me." Lois confessed softly.

"If you'd tried to kick me out, I would have gotten down on my knees and begged." He replied quietly "I was scared tonight; scared that you were going to walk away from me." He placed his hand over hers and held it against his cheek "I can't do without you Lo, I need you baby. I need you more than I need my next breath."

"I was scared too, one minute everything was fine and the next..." She shrugged dismally "We've had some minor disagreements, some pretty heated fights but nothing like that." She shifted closer, leaving no space between them "I need you too much I think; I never wanted to feel like this about anyone."

"I want you to feel that way about me, because that's how I feel about you." They stayed locked on the bed, just looking at each other, absorbing the blessing that their fight was over and neither had lost.

Knowing she had to speak, to finish what had been started earlier, but reluctant to bring the subject up again, Lois' voice was quietly restrained "I don't agree with what Lex did Clark, but it was nothing compared to what he could have done and I don't mean to hurt you, but I can't give you and Lana a free pass for what you did either." She said quietly, stroking her fingers over his cheek "When we're talking about that time I can't keep quiet and say nothing. Lex _**was**_ wrong, but so were both of you and as trite as it is, two wrongs don't make a right."

"I know." He leant his forehead against hers "Usually you tell me that I have to put it behind me, but sometimes I get defensive and resentful about that time and say stupid things, which in turn just pisses you of and then we go at it." His hands rubbed up and down her arms before coming up to frame her face "But this time I stepped over the line by saying you were the wrong woman for me." His lips pressed softly against hers "I know what you're like Lo. You say the hard things, the stuff that hurts to hear because it makes a person look deep inside and face what they don't want to, but it helps to keeps me honest, and I love that about you."

Her hand circled over his back gently "I don't mean to be insensitive; unfortunately I speak without thinking but even if I thought about it first, I'd still say the same thing, just temper it a little better." She said quietly looking into his eyes again "I don't blame you for trying to defend yourself Clark that's an automatic human reaction, I just can't support it."

"If you did I'd probably think you were an impostor." He crushed her gently closer "Why don't we have dinner, the food's probably cold by now but you must be hungry." He smiled when she nodded "I'll have a shower and warm up dinner, but don't have one of your marathon showers ok?"

"Ok."

He climbed out of bed, had a quick shower, threw on sweat pants and t-shirt and returned to the kitchen. Lois rejoined him 20 minutes later, and they proceeded to eat dinner in quiet harmony.

Once the dishes were washed and they were sitting on the couch with coffee, Clark chewed his lip in quiet contemplation. Feeling as Lois had earlier; that their conversation wasn't finished but also reluctant to get back on topic, he opened his mouth, closed it then sighed heavily at her puzzled expression "Baby, I don't want to argue again but Lana might not have done anything."

"Do you mean now or when she was with Lex?"

"With Lex."

At that Lois fired up again which didn't surprise him, his beloved just wasn't an even tempered person and nothing kept her down for long.

"Oh please Hon! We both know she looked on his computer" Lois drawled exasperated and rolled her eyes the heavens "Lana's sole talent lay in making someone a coffee at the Talon, and _suddenly_ she's gets delusions of grandeur and begins playing Nancy Drew; sorry Clark but she just didn't have the skills, brains or aptitude for it." Her head shook in pity "Lex was making mincemeat out of his competitors, while Lana was still busy sucking her thumb in preschool. She was nothing but a rank amateur, a babe in the woods compared to him. Every time she went into his computer, looked at or messed with his secret files, his projects; he'd know about it. He'd have a record of all her paw prints with hard proof of everything she did; and as you know the law takes a very dim view of white collar crime." Lois paused and quirked her brow, and at his resigned nod, she inclined her head in turn before finishing contemplatively "I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that Lex had deliberately left her bogus information and tips as a way to further entrap her."

"He did trust her Lo; he told me that when we were in the cave and I know he wasn't lying."

"Yeah, but when you were in the cave, you all but told him that Lana had intimated to you that he'd forced her into the marriage; and who did she run to when you both got out of the cave?" Lois asked with lifted brow, and at his abashed expression, inclined her head "You can't tell me that Lex wouldn't have started questioning her loyalty from that point forward." Sighing softly she continued "Clark back then if Lana told you the moon was made out of blue cheese you would have believed her, but Lex wouldn't; he wasn't as …." She trailed off looking for a way to say what needed to be said without crushing his ego.

"Gullible." He put in morosely.

"…as green as you were, I don't imagine he ever was." She smiled sympathetically patting his thigh "Lex needed all his wits and guile about him just to deal with his father, and if he could handle Lionel Luthor, Lana would have been small potatoes in comparison, hell she wouldn't have even made it to the potato family." Lois slowly shook her head in ridicule "But Lana's ego was always her biggest downfall, because she had you wrapped around her finger, she thought she could play Marta Hari with Lex, cuddling up to him one moment and spying on him the next. She obviously forgot that Marta was a professional and still came to a very sticky end." Lois let out a short bark of laughter, and her voice took on a mocking tinge "Lana had no idea who she was dealing with. She _really_ thought Lex would continue to regard her as this priceless jewel he'd found, even though she all but rubbed herself up against you like a cat in heat right in front of his face."

His face flooded with colour, he opened his mouth, closed it and shrugged embarrassed. Seeing the chagrin on his face, Lois smiled and patted his thigh once again, then added pointedly "Getting that kind of treatment from your new bride has to be pretty damn emasculating. So given that, do you really think Lex was going to keep trusting her, not keep tabs on everything she did, and not want retribution?"

He blew out a breath and shook his head slightly "Maybe I could ask him…" At Lois head shake, Clark tried to rephrase his thoughts "He gave you the card, maybe he'd tell me what she did while they were together."

"He won't Clark he doesn't trust you."

"But I could…"

"Clark he won't tell you a thing."

"But…"

She reached over, picked up his hand and squeezed it gently before letting go "Hon, I'm telling you this for your own good; don't! Lex doesn't trust you. He thought you were fooling around with Lana behind his back, he thinks you still are behind mine. So if you go to him and start asking questions about Lana, he'll just think you're trying to set him up, and god only knows what he'll do then."

"He's got a file on me as well, right?" He asked knowing the answer before she nodded.

"Oh yeah, remember all the stuff he had on you before?" At his nod "Well he'd still have it and his data bank on you would have grown by now. You told me about running away to Metropolis, becoming a thug, robbing ATM machines etc?" He closed his eyes and nodded in resignation "Lex would know about it."

"No he wouldn't Lo, that was years ago, no one would remember that, besides we were friends then so he wouldn't have tried to find out anything?" He said in automatic denial.

Her lips lifted in a tiny smile, she loved him but he could be very naïve. "You were friends but he had a lot of questions about you, and Lex isn't the kind of person to let unanswered questions, remain unanswered. You know that Lex spied on you, and he's also admitted as much himself so….." she trailed off meaningfully and slipped her hand under his t-shirt to rub his back "Clark, when you were in Metropolis you were wearing the redK ring, which you've told me turns you into an arrogant creep, who pretty much does whatever hell you want, without caring about the consequences, correct?" He bobbed his head gloomily "You weren't doing anything to hide your face. So all Lex had to do flash your picture around or put a detective onto finding out information about you, and some of those nice upstanding citizens that you no doubt pissed off or offended would have cheerfully told him everything you did in exchange for money. Plus don't forget that Lex has a lot of very prominent people in his hip pocket. People who'd happily give him sealed information on a juvenile in return for favours or as an inducement to get something from Lex; of course he'd know about it."

He rubbed the back of his neck trying to ease the tension "He doesn't know that I'm Superman." He said quickly.

"No, if he did he would have made sure you knew, he knew by now, hell he would have told the world by now, but he'd definitely have info on you." She concluded confidently, continuing to rub his back to try and soothe away his growing agitation.

"Shit! Maybe I can find it." Clark replied scrubbing his hands over his face.

"And how would you do that? He knows that Superman is a friend of Clarks, so he'd be keeping it in a lead lined something or another, and more than likely a lead line Kryptonite infused something or another." Lois said quietly.

"But if he has a file…"

"He'd have a file Clark, multiple copies. He may never do anything with the information, but he'd have one. So unless you tried to cheat him in some way other than just diddling with his wife…."

"Lo we didn't." Clark defended automatically.

"But Lex thinks you did, and you can't tell me that he wouldn't have been hurt by it. He's harder now, more careless now, but back then although his character was dubious he wasn't without feelings." At her lifted brow, he blew out his breath and nodded again "Look you haven't done anything in years; you haven't disappeared for months on end, and you've only investigated him as a professional journalist. Clark Kent leads a pretty boring life now but he'd still keep tabs on you...and Lana." She tacked on the end.

"Baby, he doesn't care a damn about Lana and me."

"No he doesn't; but Lex has a mind like a computer, he files away everything. He wouldn't have forgotten the events that transpired between the three of you, and I bet he still cares that he was left holding the bag so to speak, by two people who he'd loved once upon a time." At Clark's grimace, Lois rubbed his shoulder "Sorry."

He shook his head and picked up her free hand "Don't be, but it was 8 years ago Lo, and Lex has much bigger fish to fry than me and Lana. Besides I didn't get the feeling that he wasted any time on us at all."

"No, not time, not resources even, but he'd still be well prepared just in case you tried anything. Lex doesn't do things on the fly, he plans for contingencies and he doesn't ever forget. He's smart and crafty and can be very very patient when he needs to be." His head tilted in agreement "Clark he let you off easy last time, but don't push your luck because I don't think he'd be quite so generous if he thinks you're trying to pull something on him, and he will if you go to him and bring up the Lana word." She finished quietly.

He sighed in resignation and ran a hand through his hair "What'd you think he'd do?"

"I don't know, but I don't think you wanna find out." At his curious look "When Lex spoke to Superman, you said that some of what he said was true, correct?" He nodded slowly "Ok, so if you didn't know any better, would you have believed _everything_ he said?"

"Shit!"

"He told Superman stuff that only a very few people know about, and it was all credible because he does believe it. He didn't scream and yell when he spoke to Superman; he was calm, mocking but dispassionate, right?" He nodded again "Lex has money, he has influence, and he knows how to spin the media, he can discredit you in a lot of ways." She paused and continued in a subdued voice "He can start by saying you had an affair with his wife and take it from there, and nothing you say will wash because you've already had your say when he was married to Lana, while he's kept quiet all this time." Seeing the look on his face she smiled sympathetically "People _will_ listen because they love dirt even when it's old news, and especially when it's about someone they know. They'll also enjoy hearing Lex's side of the story that they didn't get years ago. And I don't think you really want your friends and co-workers whispering behind your back when you can hear everything they're saying; or even worse, asking you snide questions about your youthful peccadilloes, when you're well known for having a hard moral line about right and wrong." When his face flushed crimson, she slipped an arm around his waist and gave him a one armed hug.

Clark sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face "Hell Lo, I was a moron years ago; a supercilious brainless prick, but it's too damn late to change it now."

"Yes you were, and yes it is." She said calmly, smiling minutely when he looked at her.

"What'd you think I should I do?"

"In the Lex situation there's nothing you can do…."

"But…" at Lois' look, he nodded in resignation "Look I don't think he'll do anything with what he has on you. You haven't done anything in years, so it'll just be about the stuff you did when you were a kid; but he's still smart enough to know that you won't want people knowing about it." When Clark's face contorted, she smiled in commiseration "He probably just likes to have it as a way of keeping you in line. Whether you know about it or not makes no difference, he has it and that'll be enough for him; but for god's sakes don't antagonise the man by asking him about Lana." She finished in a soft tempered voice.

"It makes me uncomfortable knowing he has a file on me."

"I'm sure he's just as uncomfortable knowing we have a file on him."

"You think he has a file on you as well."

"I think he has a file on all of us, but hey if it makes you feel any better, I think you and Lana would be the biggest winners in the file stakes." Lois said cheerfully hoping to see him smile.

He frowned "This is just getting better all the time."

"He's not a fool Clark of course he'd have information on everyone; especially the people who were gunning for him years ago."

"Doesn't it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yeah but I don't think anyone would care that dropped out of college, or shop lifted for a dare when I was ten."

"What'd you steal?"

"A packet of bubble gum." He chuckled and she shrugged, glad that his face had lightened somewhat.

"Do you think we should tell everyone?"

"Tell them what, that Lex has info on them?" At Clark's nod, Lois smiled and shook her head "I think your mom and Chloe would already know."

"Why?"

"Your mom was a senator, she'd be aware that people would have kept tabs on her, plus she's your mom; she'd know that alone would have had Lex interested in her. Chloe has her own file on Lex, so she's going to figure that he'd have one on her too."

"And Lana?"

"Lana's too arrogant, she probably thinks she scored off Lex and walked away clean. She'd be shocked as hell to know that he'd have anything on her."

"Do you think we should tell her?" He asked again.

Lois' brow quirked "Before or after we find out if she was responsible for what happened last month?"

Clark let out a huge sigh and ran his hand over the back of his neck "Hell this is just getting more and more…." He trailed off looking for the word.

"Tell you what, why don't you go for a quick zip and check to see if this stupid shop is open, I tried calling but there's still no answer, maybe a quick flight will help you relax." He nodded, retrieved the address from the website and left.

Lois walked over to the kitchen table and began to power down the laptop, she'd just set it back inside its case but turned with lifted brows at small burst of wind.

"It's closed until after the New Year."

"Ok, when it's open again I'll call the shop and ask a few discreet questions but for now there's nothing we can do, we just have to wait until business gets back to normal." She shrugged and turned back to zip the laptop case closed.

Later that night while lying in bed, Clark spooned around Lois, his hand circled over her tummy, up her torso, traced under her breasts then down to her tummy once again "Lo, do you really think Lana was responsible?"

"Yeah I do, don't do?" She asked softly.

"Yes, why do you think she did it?"

"Because she loves you Clark."

"No, sorry I mean, why would she bring Jo here, that doesn't make any sense?"

Her fingers glided up and down the arm curled around her waist "That I don't know; it could have been a mistake, or she could have had a reason but it didn't work out like she'd hoped. I think whatever she tried backfired, and she either reversed it to bring me back, or it just didn't stick and I returned on my own."

"But why would she kill you, only to let you live again?" He asked quietly, tucking her in closer against his body.

Her hand moved down to catch his, their fingers began to twine over and through each other's "I don't know Hon, we've assumed that whoever was responsible killed me deliberately, but maybe I died accidentally and she fixed it. Putting me in the medical centre unconscious is one thing, but killing someone's a lot different. Right now Lana's the one with all the answers, we're just stabbing in the dark."

"Jo thinks Lana wants to hurt you Lo, you thought so too and Lex thinks she's capable."

"I know, but I don't like to think that anyone could hate someone so much, that they'd deliberately set out to kill them."

"I tried to." He reminded her softly.

"No you didn't Clark." She swiftly corrected "You were riding high on redK, which lets you feel free to do the things you want to do, but don't because your conscious mind would be too appalled. You attacked Lex; but tell me honestly did you set out to do it, did you plan and think about it beforehand?"

"No; I was jealous and angry, but no."

"No, and that's what I mean, you must have subconsciously thought with Lex out of the way you could get Lana back, but you didn't act until you were affected by the redK.

"Yeah but even afterwards I was still too bitter and resentful to give Lex the apology he deserved, and much too arrogant to think of anything other than myself." He said in a soft voice filled with self loathing.

"Yes you were, and unfortunately that's something you can't go back and change." She turned over to face him, slipping her arm over his waist "But Lana could be in the same position now; she might subconsciously think with me out of the picture she could get you back, but pre-meditated murder would be a harder thing to face." Her hand stroked over his thigh, his bottom and up across his back; allowing her the pleasure of feelings his muscles rippling at her touch "I like to think that hate me or not, she couldn't do it and that's why she either let me live, or brought me back when I accidentally died."

Clark nudged Lois onto her back, leant over and settled his mouth over hers, his hand swept over her thigh, up and down her side, up to rub gently over her breasts then down her side once again. When their lips broke apart, eyes opened, but all that could be seen was the shadowy outline of each other's face "I love you Lo, there's nothing Lana could do to change that." He said softly.

She smiled sadly "You're as susceptible to magic as anyone Clark; if Lana was responsible and I think we both know she was; then your mom's words about her being a woman scorned are pretty frightening." Her arms tightened around his back to hold him closer, she could feel the tears well up and tried to suppress them "She could try again, or she could make you leave me for her. If she does something like that, if she uses magic to get you to back, then nothing I say will make any difference, because it won't be me you want, it'll be her." Lois said with a soft sob, pressing her face hard into his neck.

"Shhh baby, that won't happen, I won't ever want anyone but you." He gathered her in his arms, sat back on his haunches and cradled Lois in his arms. His hands traced over her back, down to her bottom, back and forth soothingly "We'll find a way to stop her Lo; we haven't even set the wedding date yet, and I don't intend to miss out on you yelling at me to get off my lazy ass to help with the preparations." He was desperate to stop her silent weeping; he could feel her body shaking slightly, the tears falling on his shoulder and they broke his heart. He too was fearful of what Lois said coming true, but refused to accept they were helpless to do anything.

She let out a watery laugh, hugged him tight then ran her hands up into his hair and pressed her lips against his chin "She might own the shop but not actually be involved in that stuff, but we still need to know."

He lifted his hand to wipe her cheeks and pressed a kiss against her forehead, relieved that she was trying to keep her fear at bay "We'll find out." He crushed her gently closer "But I don't think we should confront her." His lips began to trail from her shoulder to her neck, zeroing in on her ear and feeling her light shiver of anticipation, he smiled.

"God no, this is something we'll keep to ourselves." Lois murmured, lightly running her short nails through his scalp, then gasped quietly when his lips and tongue began to play with her earlobe; feeling her nipples harden and stab against his chest he pressed her back down to the bed.

"Haven't we already done this tonight?" She murmured when his hands began to wander.

"Mmm, but that's never stopped us before; besides that was just make-up sex." He quietly chuckled.

"And what's this going to be?"

"I don't think we've made up enough, I'm still feeling hurt." He replied, pressing kisses down her throat then back up to the underneath of her jaw.

"Oh, well in that case, I'd better make-up with you properly." She giggled and ran her fingers through his hair.

"That's right, I'm a man and I need lots of tender loving care."

"You mean sex?" She clarified hooking her leg over his thigh.

"Exactly." He replied with a soft laugh; dropping light kisses onto her breasts and back up to her shoulders.

"Anything in particular you want me to do; you know to make you feel appreciated and to soothe your dented feelings?" She tangled her fingers in his hair, pressed her lips against his ear and whispered a suggestion that almost made the top of his head blow off.

"Fuck!" He laughed out loud, stunned and insatiably turned on by her suggestion.

"I thought that was what you wanted to do to me." She snickered softly in return and trailed her foot up and down his calf; both delighted and surprised by his reaction.

He shook his head, while his mind conjured up mental pictures of them "God baby, where do you come up with this stuff?"

"A woman can learn a lot from Cosmo." She scored her nails lightly down his back; enjoying feeling him shiver in response this time.

"We'll definitely come back to your suggestion, but for now just follow my lead." He replied, silencing her by the simple method of placing his lips against hers.

For the next little while, the only sounds in the room was the rustling of sheets, lips meeting and parting; soft gasps of delight and grunts of pleasure that turned into moans of pleading, and sighs of contentment.

Cuddling into him afterwards, Lois lay with her head on Clark's shoulder while her hand ran up and down his side and his stroked over her back. _She'd been scared earlier when she'd imagined Clark telling her that he was leaving her for Lana; she was still scared of that happening. But she wouldn't let her fear of the unknown, of what might happen, of what Lana could do paralyse her. For so long Clark had only been a friend, a man she cared about, but now he was the centre of her life, and she'd be lost without him. _Lois yawned, stretched and wiggled to get comfortable. But as her mind became foggy, her last thought before falling asleep was that she wasn't going to allow a woman who hadn't learnt to let go of a childhood crush take Clark away from her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_Day: 28__th__ December_

When the UPS van stopped outside her house Lana smiled for the first time in two days. She'd waited patiently, hoping her delivery would arrive soon and it had finally come. She opened the door, smiled and nodded at the driver, chatted pleasantly, signed in the appropriate place then closed the door and carried her package to the kitchen table, opened the box and smiled in delight.

Close, she was so close, she was taking a huge risk, one that could potentially blow up in her face, but since she had nothing to lose and everything to gain; she was going to take the chance.

She poured herself a glass of wine, sat down and closed her eyes, Clark had loved her and he would again; she let out a little squeal. They were going to be so happy, she was going to do everything to ensure that he was happy for the rest of his life. Putting the glass down, she opened the book and ran her eyes over the spell again. She'd memorised every word, knew what had to be done and how to fix it should anything go wrong, but she wasn't taking any chances, so she read it over again slowly then nodded, her buoyancy and expectations high.

She went upstairs to her bedroom, opened the trunk, pulled out the accompanying ingredients, and clutching them carefully in her arms made her way back to the kitchen. Retrieving the mortar and pestle, her finger slid down the page in her book then she carefully doled out the required amounts from each precious container before carefully grinding everything together.

The process took a little over an hour but she didn't want to rush, this had to be done as meticulously as possible. The spell was already dicey, so she was leaving as little to chance as possible, but once done felt confident that she could do no more to make it any better.

Blowing out a huge breath she realised she was nervous and excited but also a little apprehensive; the last spell had backfired. If this worked, she'd have a whole new life, but if it failed….no, it had to work, that was all; it just had to work.

Going up stairs to her bedroom, she changed into warm clothes, packed a few clothes in an overnight case; retrieved the money that was all dated pre 2007 that she'd managed to accumulate, and tucked it carefully into her purse. Sitting at her dressing table, she applied a liberal amount of makeup, twisted her hair up, retrieved her sunglasses and hat, then opened her jewellery case and took out the drivers licence tucked into the side pocket. It made her uncomfortable using a false I.D. but it was essential and that was all that mattered. Once it was stowed carefully in her purse, she grabbed a warm coat, the case and returned to the kitchen.

Back in the kitchen she read over the spell one last time, before slipping the book into the case, then sat at the kitchen table and sipped the wine. This was it, the moment of truth, if this didn't work she wasn't sure what to do, but this was her best bet and she couldn't give up the opportunity of trying. It was by far the most risky thing she was doing but it was better than nothing, and right now she had nothing.

She got up, closed all the drapes and blinds in the living room and kitchen then began to set up everything that was needed on the kitchen table, and tucked the leftovers in the case should they be required later. If this worked she'd soon find herself in the past around the time Lois had been in the Medical Centre but this was a chance only, it was by no means an exact science. She'd narrowed the time frame by finding out the dates Lois had been in the hospital, and zeroing on a specific day, but if things went wrong she could end up in the past anywhere from months to years beforehand, or she could end up not going anywhere at all.

After drinking the last of the wine, she put on her coat, wrapped her purse strap sideways across her torso, put on the hat and the sunglasses, grasped the case, closed her eyes and performed the spell.

Blowing out a breath she opened her eyes and found that she was still standing in her kitchen, but it didn't look anything like the kitchen she had been in just moments before. Her house had been almost derelict before she'd bought and fixed it up, but this was definitely her house and she was alone. She closed her eyes tight then opened them and carefully crossed the kitchen, through the lounge room, stepped around broken glass, and over broken floor boards to the front door and outside. Her eyes took in everything, the lay of the land, the trees, the houses that could be seen in the distance, and although she'd known it already, felt her heart thump at the realisation that she really was standing outside her house.

She'd made it; she was in the past, she was in Smallville, _when_ she didn't know but it was time to find out, she wanted to get this done.

She walked towards the road and when it was reached looked up and down the street hoping to see a passing car, she needed to find out the date and she needed to get to Town. Mr Jenkins was the only person who owned an equipment hire place; farmers who couldn't afford their own tractors or farm equipment could rent from him, and he also had a couple of cars for hire for people who were having theirs fixed. They weren't the best but as long as they had four wheels, and could get around that was all she needed. Smallville was a small town but walking from place to place simply wasn't feasible.

It was well over 30 minutes before a car came down the road, and holding out her hand she flagged down the passing motorist, grateful that being a small town people were generally friendly and neighbourly. She was even more grateful that it was a man she knew, and even better, one who was old and didn't recognise her. Once she'd duly been given a place in the vehicle, small talk was made and when the car stopped outside the public library, she thanked him for the lift, waved goodbye and was on her way.

Looking around she was amazed that she was actually in the past, everything was exactly as it had been when she was in school, and although the town hadn't changed much in the past 8 years, it had changed enough that she knew she was no longer in her own time.

She bought a newspaper, read the date, checked the time on the town hall clock and was satisfied. It was the fourth day of Lois' stay in the hospital, and as it was just on 10.30am, she still had plenty of time for what needed to be done.

After hiring a car from Mr Jenkins, she thought about what she wanted to do, who to see and knew there was only one answer. Clark, she wanted to see Clark, spend time with him. In this time he'd be glad to see her, he'd be overjoyed to know that she still loved him, but giving into her need to be with him now, could and most likely would ruin everything.

She checked her watch again, chewed her lip and considered, it was just on 11am, she couldn't talk to Clark, but she could see him. It was a risk, but this was all a risk; and she just couldn't give up the opportunity now that she was here. Driving down the street, she stopped outside the only store in Smallville that sold bits of everything, ran inside, asked the clerk if they sold binoculars and when he nodded, walked quickly up the aisle, picked up a set, held them up to her eyes, decided they'd do and purchased them. They were far from professional or of the strongest calibre, but as long as they did the job then that was all she cared about.

She quickly drove towards the Kent farm, and stopped the car a few metres past the driveway at the head of the road; it was almost 11.45 which meant…shit… she ducked down quickly when she saw the approaching car in the rear view mirror.

She knew what was on the drivers mind so didn't think it was likely that she'd be paying attention to a car parked up the road, but caution was her watch word. Getting out her compact, she held it up high enough to watch her younger self pull over to the side of the road and lay her head on the steering wheel for a couple of minutes, before putting the car back in gear and turning into the Kent farm driveway. She counted to 10 slowly, then quickly grabbed the binoculars, stepped out of the car, and ran to hide behind a tree just in time to see her younger self pull up in front of the farm house.

Lifting the binoculars to her eyes she watched as Clark emerged from the barn and walked towards her younger self. Her eyes missed nothing; not their body language nor their facial expressions as they exchanged small talk before going into the house. She kept the binoculars pressed against her eyes, and few minutes later watched as they came out of the house and walked towards the barn before disappearing inside.

Once back in the car she switched on the ignition and drove a little way further down the road before pulling over and laying her head on the steering wheel. God, the love on his face when he stepped out of the barn to greet her; the longing and hope of his expression when they'd walked towards the barn together.

He'd loved her, really and truly loved her; it must have nearly killed him when she'd married Lex. It was no wonder he'd turned away from her afterwards, no wonder he now believed that he'd felt nothing more than teenage infatuation. When she walked away from him, he must have thought the only way to survive was by firmly closing his heart against her, and convincing himself that it had never been real to begin with.

But now she knew with a certainty deep in her bones, that just as she would love him until the day she died, that he would feel the same way about her; that much love could never cease to exist. Grabbing her bag, she pulled out some tissues, blew her nose, and carefully wiped her eyes and cheeks, then looked in the rear-view mirror and saw eyes filled with resolve staring back at her. She knew what she had to do, she'd always known but seeing the love Clark had felt for her so openly displayed on his face caused her heart trembled anew.

She was here to make right what had gone wrong before, and although she hated Lois she could feel a stir of pity for the woman. At best Clark's love for Lois was the poor man's version, which was nothing more than sex, sugar coated with words of love.

Lois was nothing more than Clark's whore; but instead of paying her in coin, he paid her with words of affection. She had no doubt that Clark thought he loved Lois, but that was only because he needed a lie he could live with; but she now knew the truth and wasn't afraid to hide from it. The one night she'd spent with Clark when they were 18 had been filled with love, but no matter how many times he'd been with Lois it would only ever be sex; the hopeless desperation of a man willing to screw another just to feel something.

Lois loved Clark, but she must know deep down that his feelings for her weren't genuine; it couldn't be easy knowing that the man you loved used you for sex; his words of affection hollow and meaningless because he couldn't have the woman his heart really wanted.

She loved Clark and hadn't been able to give up on him, hanging on and hanging on, but she'd finally been proven right, Lois would never get that validation and pity or not, it served her right for stealing him. Clark had told her that he'd pursued Lois, but he was a man and much too artless to realise that instead of being the hunter, he'd actually been the hunted.

Even though they'd broken up years ago, Clark must have been feeling lonely and lost, wanting her but unable to admit to it after her rejection, and once Lois realised that Clark cared about her, she'd obviously swooped in and grabbed him while she could, but she still couldn't totally blame the woman. Lois couldn't have taken him if she hadn't given her the opening by turning her back on him first, and truth be told, if she had been in Lois' place she would have done the same thing, but that still didn't make it right.

Resting her forehead on the steering wheel again, she closed her eyes tight; he'd begged her and she'd walked away. She was so lost in regret and heartache that she didn't hear the car pull up opposite hers, nor the door open and close as the driver got out of the vehicle. But when she heard the tap on the side window, her head automatically lifted and turned, and her eyes looked straight into those of Chloe Sullivan.

Fuck! She'd let herself be distracted; she'd let her weakness in wanting to see Clark, thinking of their past, thinking of all she'd lost fluster and shake her. Her hand automatically reached for the sunglasses and shoved them onto her face, before she wound the window down.

"Lana?" She heard the doubt in Chloe's voice and let out a quiet breath.

"Lana?" She returned doubtfully, putting as much French accent into her voice as she could, and hoping that it came out clear enough that the other girl would be fooled.

"Sorry, I could have sworn…." Chloe trailed off and gave her a long searching look "You look a lot like a friend of mine, but she doesn't have an accent and she's younger, sorry." She grimaced apologetically.

"That's ok, can I help you?"

"Actually I was wondering if you were ok; I saw you with your head resting on the steering wheel and thought maybe I could help."

"I'm fine, I just felt a little dizzy for a moment so I thought it best to pull over and rest."

"Look my friend lives in the farm house just down the road; you can come with me and have a cup of coffee or something?"

"Thank you, but I'm feeling better now." She reached over and patted Chloe's hand then turned the key in the ignition.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes but thank you."

"Umm, I don't mean to be rude, well I guess I do since I'm going to ask anyway, but are you related to Lana Lang?" Chloe asked forthright.

Her heart jumped in her throat, _she had to get away_ "No; I've never heard of her."

"Oh, it's just uncanny; you really do look like her except she's a lot younger and doesn't wear as much make-up…sorry, I mean, it's not that you don't look good, but your eye makeup was smeared pretty badly...and…but you still look good…" The girl rushed on "…but you look like Lana only a lot older…what I mean is that you look a lot like her, only you're older…sorry, god." Chloe broke off flustered "Forget I said anything."

She gave a small smile "I think I'd better, thanks for checking on me but I'm fine and have to be off now." Giving a casual wave of farewell she put the car in gear and drove, watching Chloe watch her car, until the girl became nothing more than a pin prick in the rear-view mirror.

Once she was far enough away, she pulled over let out a deep breath and placed her hand hard against her pounding heart. When her breathing was under control, she picked up her bag, took out the compact, tissues and moisturiser, slid off the sunglasses did the necessary repairs to her face then looked at the clock on the dashboard and considered.

She only had a very small window of opportunity and this was it, everyone at the farm would soon be sitting down to lunch, Martha didn't leave for the Medical Centre until after lunch, so if she wanted to make this visit, now was the time. She'd have to be quick but she had to do this, it was almost as important to her as everything else. She was going to see Lois.

She drove to the Medical Centre and parked, checked her reflection in the mirror, grasped the door handle, opened the door, stepped out of the car, and walked confidently through the parking lot, straight into the Medical Centre, made her way directly to Lois' room and slipped in the door.

Upon entering the room, the blinds were swiftly closed, before she walked to the bedside of the unconscious occupant "Hello Lois."

There was no answer which was expected, taking a seat beside the bed, she leant over and began to speak quietly "Isn't this civilised, just us two girls having a nice little chat." She took of the sunglasses but tugged the hat down harder over her brow "Usually you do all the talking Lois; actually you never know when to shut up, but this time you'll listen while I speak."

Her hand reached out and one finger ran lazily over the IV needle taped to the back of Lois' hand then trailed up the IV line, and down again before she leant forward once again "Do you know how easily I could kill you right now? No of course you don't, but it really wouldn't take me any time at all, then you'd be gone and all my troubles would be over."

Her eyes lifted to look around the room before once again focussing on the silent woman in the bed "But I'm not here to kill you Lois, I've just come to tell you that I'm here to take back everything that's mine, everything you stole from me. Your older self, sorry Joanne..." she laughed sharply "...tried to trick me into telling Clark how I felt, but she failed. You however, did turn him against me by leaving a letter for her so that Clark felt bound to order me out of his life." Her eyes hardened as did her voice "Well this time I'm going to win, I _always_ win Lois, don't ever forget that. Clark loved me first, and he'd love me still if not for Lex and you. Well soon you can wish and hope and dream for Clark to want you just like I've done for the last 8 years, but he'll be with me and he WON'T want you."

She leant forward and whispered fiercely "I'm not going to hurt you Lois because I'd much prefer you to live and see just how much Clark loves me, and how much happier I'll make him than you ever could."

Pushing her seat back, Lana paced over to the flowers and frowned at the posies that weren't quite lack lustre, but certainly far from fresh "Surely if Clark felt anything for you at all, he'd at least get you some decent flowers…" She smiled in remembrance "…but then he usually only did that for me remember; and of course at the moment he's got far more important things on his mind than you." She leant on the cabinet and turned to face the sleeping occupant once again "Do you know that right now, right at this moment, you're so unimportant to Clark that he's not even thinking about you. Not half an hour ago he was begging me to take him back, and right now he's feeling too crushed by my rejection to even give you a thought?"

She smiled, walked over, re-took her seat, and had just opened her mouth to speak once again when the voice from behind caused her to jump, spin around and have her heart pounding in her breast.

"Excuse me, but the Medical Centre has a 'no visitors during meal times' rule."

"I'm sorry, I knew but I didn't want to be kicked out so I closed the blinds. I just wanted to see how she was, and as I have to return to Metropolis soon I snuck in." She explained apologetically and looked the nurse in the face, hoping sincerity was shining through.

"I understand, but rules are rules." The nurse replied kindly but firmly.

Nodding she got out of the seat, patted Lois' hand, picked up her sunglasses and made her way to the door "I understand, and sorry again."

The nurse nodded, let the room door swing shut and walked with her back to reception, after leaving with an apologetic wave she walked outside and back to the car.

Driving back to town she stopped outside a café, purchased some coffee and a snack, returned to the car and drove to Crater Lake. This is where her younger self would be soon, she just had to wait. When she began to feel tired and slightly queasy she pushed the car seat back, rolled down the window and closed her eyes, hoping the nausea and lethargy would soon pass.

She yawned and stretched then opened her eyes to look out the window and found her younger self curled up on the sand fast asleep. She remembered falling asleep for a short time after crying her heart out and deciding to banish Clark from her life for good, thank god she'd woken up while her younger self was still here.

Her nausea and tiredness had passed, but even if they hadn't, she wasn't missing this opportunity. She'd come here especially for this, and if she'd missed it for sleeping she would have had to make up an excuse to get her younger self out of the Luthor Mansion to meet her. But she hadn't missed it and that was what was important; she took off the sunglasses and hat, grabbed her purse, opened the car door, climbed out, walked towards the girl lying on the sand and took a seat beside her. When the eyes of the sleeping girl opened, looked at her and widened; she smiled gently "Hello Lana."

oOo

_Day: December 28__th__ – 2015_

"Lo have you got our file on Walker Corp.?"

She nodded, pushed files and folders around on her desk and handed it over "Here you go; I wanted to confirm a few facts for the article."

"So do I." Clark smiled "My parts nearly finished, how about yours?"

"Yep, and I think we've read each other's parts enough times to put the two together, and give it a last check to make sure it still meshes before sending it to Perry."

He nodded and sat on the edge of her desk "It's funny, I know only half the staff have returned, but the Planet seems to be humming with anticipation today."

"Yeah I noticed that too, I'd say everyone's excited because Chlo's back tomorrow but I don't think that's it." She replied deadpan.

He chuckled appreciating her humour "Maybe some of the single guys are causing the hum; they _could_ be excited about Chlo's return." They smiled at each other and when Perry began to yell, rolled their eyes and got back to work.

10 minutes later Clark's attention was caught by the TV screen; he got out of his seat, walked towards Lois' desk, grasped her hand and walked with her quickly towards to the store room, closing the door behind them.

"What's going on?" She asked puzzled.

"I have to leave but I'll be back soon, don't go anywhere without me."

"Clark c'mon, if something comes up I have to go."

"Lois…"

"Clark, I refuse to live my life waiting for Lana to do something, she might not do anything, but either way we can't let fear rule our lives, and you can't be around 24/7."

He pulled her into a hug and held on tight "I know but …."

"But nothing, go and do what you have to."

He cocked his head to hear the TV, nodded and after pressing a quick hard kiss to her brow he was gone.

He was in China in the midst of lifting up a bridge, trying to keep it stable so the rescue workers could get to those trapped inside their cars when he began to feel strange, weaker. Shaking it off, he firmed his hands, strengthened his legs and stayed. However, when a burning sensation began to twist in his stomach, he excused himself to the emergency personal, waving off their thanks and silently thanked god that all those, both alive and dead had been removed safely.

Taking to the skies he flew up high, hoping the weak winter sun would restore whatever was wrong, but the burning didn't ease, instead it began to spread from his stomach outwards, down towards his legs and up into his chest. He could feel himself slowing down and knew that he'd never make it to Metropolis, it was too far. He could normally be there in a matter of minutes, but he didn't feel he had minutes. Flying as fast as he could he aimed for Smallville, hoping to make it to the fields of home and his mom.

His concentration began to waver, and when he tilted and began to fall, he shook his head and focussed; pushing his body harder, faster; _god his insides felt on fire, as if his organs were liquefying from intense heat_. His breathing became heavy and constricted, his heart began to thump but finally the farm house came into sight.

He flew over the back pasture, past the cows and when the barn came into view began to descend then bounced back as though he'd hit an invisible wall; flying slowly forward with hands outstretched he felt for the barrier and found it. He couldn't go onto Metropolis, to Lois; he'd never make it. Feeling his strength ebbing, he shored up what little he had left, and tried to push forward, pummelling his fists at the barrier over and over but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bulldoze his way through. Gathering the last of his reserves, he drew back his fist and smashed down against the wall, but it was no longer there. However, his forward momentum couldn't be stopped and in his weakened condition he tumbled through the sky end over end unable to right himself, and when the burning sensation finally reached his heart, the piecing agony was too much, and screaming he plummeted to the ground where he landed unconscious.

It was the rain falling on his face that woke him, he sat up, scrubbed his hands over his face and wondered what in the hell had happened. Whatever had been wrong earlier was now gone. He could feel that his strength had returned, the burning now only a memory, but he never wanted to feel anything like that again.

Looking around he noticed that he was in a pit, one that had obviously been created by his less than graceful fall from the skies. Shaking his head, he pulled out his phone to call Lois' but found his cell must have taken the brunt of his fall as it was broken and mangled beyond repair. Tossing it aside he got to his feet and floated out of the hole, smiling when he realised that he was in the front pasture, no more than a few minutes' walk to the house; spinning into his clothes, he sped to the house and opened the kitchen door "Hi mom."

Martha looked him up and down, shaking her head in confusion "Clark, what on earth…?"

"You might not be able to see it from here, but I kinda made a hole in the front field, I'll fill it in later, promise." He walked to the cupboard and began to get down mugs "Do you want some coffee?" At her nod he poured two cups and took a seat at the kitchen island. "Mom, something really weird happened."

Shaking off her distraction, Martha's instinct was to find out what was wrong with her boy "What sweetie?" She sat beside him and picked his hand up in hers.

He sipped his coffee and raked a hand through his hair "I started to feel really weak, then this burning sensation began and it just kept spreading, I flew as fast as I could but when I saw the farm and began to descend I just bounced back."

"Bounced back from what?" Martha asked confused.

"I don't know mom, there was nothing there. I tried to get through but couldn't, and then….it was no longer there, and when the burning reached my heart, I just dropped into the field like a rock into a pond."

"How do you feel now?" She asked frowning.

"I feel ok now, but god mom it felt like I'd ingested Kryptonite and it was eating me up from the inside out." His hand automatically lifted to his chest, rubbing away the remembered pain.

Martha rubbed her hand over his back "Do you want to lie down for a while?"

"No, I really am fine now; it was just scary as hell."

She nodded and brushed her hand over his hair, pulling back when it came away wet and dirty "Um Clark, after your coffee I think you need to have a shower sweetie."

He stood up and smiled "I'll go now, it'll only take me a minute and I wouldn't mind a nice warm shower to wash away the dirt."

She smiled but the concern on her face was still visible, standing up she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight, uncaring about wet clothes or anything else "Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm sure mom; you know that I don't bother lying to you, because you'd see through it in a second anyway." He chuckled lightly, hugging her back.

She pulled back and smiled "You just remember that, now go and have a shower, I'll go upstairs and change and then we'll have some lunch ok?" He nodded and began to turn but at her voice her turned back again "Honey, we need to talk about this some more; the burning, the barrier, everything, ok?"

He nodded, raced upstairs and was back in jeans, flannel shirt and work boots minutes later. Picking up the phone he called and left a message on Lois' cell that he was having lunch at the farm then hung up before returning to kitchen. Gathering plates, and flatware, he set the table, returned for glasses, bread and butter and had just moved back to the stove to dish up when his mom re-entered the kitchen.

"Now there's my son." She smiled "Sit down sweetie, I'll serve up." He sat down enjoying the tantalising aroma of a hot midday meal that was soon to come his way. She brought their plates to the table and took the seat opposite "How do you feel now Clark?"

"I feel perfectly fine mom, whatever was wrong is definitely gone." He replied reaching over to pour them each a glass of water, then picked up the loaf of bread and the knife "Do you want some bread?"

"Yes please sweetie, one slice, I know you said that you're fine now, but still try and take it easy ok?" He nodded, sliced the bread, quickly buttered it and was just about to take his first mouthful of thick, rich Irish stew; which was perfect for such a dreary winter day, when the third voice entering the kitchen had both their heads swinging around.

"Hi mom, sorry I'm so late I…."

The three looked at each other in shock "Clark but …." Standing up, Martha Kent looked from the Clark seated at the kitchen table, to the Clark standing beside the stove and just kept looking back and forth "Who…um which…"

The two Clark's looked at each other in shock, some weird things had happened in Smallville but this was a new one.

Finally the Clark who was by the stove, raced over and tried to haul up the Clark that was sitting down but found it impossible. After battling each other for several minutes, each trying to gain the upper hand the two Clarks finally just stood, panting and staring at each other.

"Ok, so either you're just really heavy or you're …."

"Super powered, yeah I was just thinking the same about you. Look I'm Clark Kent and the fact that you just called mom, mom tells me that you're also Clark Kent right?" At the other Clark's nod, he continued "Ok, so we're both Clark Kent; did that sound stupid and am I just repeating myself?"

His twin grinned "Yeah but let's face it, what else can you say?" Clark nodded ruefully "Ok, let's trade stories, we need to find out what's going on because as far as I know there's only one Clark Kent with super powers and I'm him"

"Not anymore but yeah I get your point. Ok so life histories, fair enough?" At his twins nod "Umm if I eat super fast, can I just finish my lunch first?"

The other Clark's grin widened "Actually I'll join you, we can talk afterwards, mom's cooking is hard to resist." Nodding at each other, the two men sat down, turned to their mother and smiled. She smiled back, filled another plate, and returned to the table watching as her two sons, identical in every way, calmly and speedily begin to tuck into their meals.

"Boys take your time, you'll get indigestion and I don't want to hear anything about super-stomach's ok?" They flushed and proceeded to eat the rest of the meal at a normal rate. She got up, prepared a tray with cups, sugar and milk and returned for the coffee pot before making herself comfortable. Once lunch was finished, the three sat back nursing cups of rich hot coffee and began.

"Before we start we can't both be Clark that'd just be really confusing, and since I was here first, I'll be Clark, you can be something else." Clark replied waving his hand dismissively.

"Oh, I don't think so, I'll be Clark; you can be something else." His twin frowned.

"Not gonna happen."

"Same here."

"Boys please" Martha said in exasperation "Right you're Clark 1 and you're Clark 2." She pointed to each in turn and soon found herself the centre of two very unhappy faces.

"Clark 1 and Clark 2, you've gotta be kidding mom, that's like calling us B1 and B2 and neither of us are banana's nor are we wearing pyjamas."

"Yeah I'm with him, there's no way I'm being called Clark 2, sorry mom."

"Fine so what are we going to call the two of you?"

"You can be Clark, I'll be Smallville." Clark replied with a slight smile.

"Smallville huh, Lois right?"

"Yeah, you too?"

"Oh yeah, and mom, as much as I didn't like Smallville when she first called me that, I think she can come up better nicknames than you can. Clark 1 and Clark 2, can you believe it." He turned to share a smile with his twin; both men began to laugh which made Martha's hand itch to slap them on the backside.

"Fine but can we now get down to business. Now you both can't be my son but at the same time you both look exactly alike and you're both super powered, so how about a little more sharing, and little less teasing of your mom before I clobber you both." She said in a sweet patient voice.

The two Clarks sat up straight; they had both heard that tone from Martha Kent all of their lives and super powers or not, they knew it wouldn't stop their mom from grabbing them by the ears and slapping their backsides when she felt it was necessary. Thank god it hadn't been necessary very often and certainly not for the last 18 years or more.

"So who's going first?"

"I will, after all I am Clark" His twin replied with a smirk.

Smallville listened quietly; Clark's life story was a mirror image of his own, the same school friends, Lana infatuation, Pete leaving, friendship found and lost with Lex, Lois arriving, various powers emerging, his father dying, all the same highs and lows. Everything was exactly the same, there was no differences; none at all. However he soon found one major difference and held up his hand stunned "Whoa wait, you're married to Lana?"

"Yeah, umm we've been married for 8 years." Clark replied with a shrug and dug out his wedding ring from his pocket "I don't wear it when I'm working on the farm, it got caught on a nail once, and I didn't even realise it'd been ripped off my finger until afterwards. I was fine, but the ring wasn't."

"You're married to Lana?" Smallville repeated flabbergasted, looking at the ring his counterpart held up.

"Yeah, I gather you're not?" He replied tucking the ring back in his pocket.

"No thank god!" Smallville bit his lip and quickly rushed on "I'm sorry; I mean wow, so you're married to Lana, wow."

"Uh huh, forget it Smallville, I think the 'thank god' you threw in there, really nailed your sentiments." Clark replied dryly then added in a droll amused voice "And by the way, that was the lamest recovery I've ever heard."

"Sorry." He smiled giving an apologetic grimace "It's just that I'm engaged to Lois, and I can't imagine being married to anyone else."

"You're engaged to Lois?" Clark asked surprised.

"Yeah, well this is obviously what's different but let me fill you in on what happened earlier." He quickly ran over the earlier events and concluded "I'm not sure but I think I have to be in a parallel universe."

Martha tilted her head and frowned lightly "Why do you say that honey?"

"Because according to Star Trek…stop it..." he shot Clark a look at his snort of amusement "...I'm not a physicist so I have to use popular culture. Anyway, according to Star Trek, parallel universes are formed when different choices are made. As Clark is married to Lana, then the point when they got married is when the universe split and two universes were created. From what Clark said about his life, our lives were exactly the same up to that point."

The two nodded "It does make sense."

Raking a hand through his hair he queried "Maybe the burning was because I was in your universe, y'know because I was too close to you or something, what'd you think?"

"But didn't it start while you were helping people in your own universe and you're even closer to me now, so why aren't you writhing in agony?"

"I don't know, but I still think it has to tie up with the parallel universe somehow." Smallville shrugged. "Anyway I know that I'm the one that doesn't belong here, because mom's not surprised by your marriage to Lana, whereas my mom would be." He concluded quietly.

"Yes, I'm sorry Smallville; and you have no idea how strange it is to call my son that, even though you're not technically my son, you still are, but yes my son is married to Lana." Martha nodded in confirmation.

He nodded, stood and the others followed suit "That's ok mom, but since the barrier was there and then it was gone, I don't know what I have to do to get back; but the first thing I'm going to do is go and check to see if it's returned, and if it has I'll push my way through if necessary." He turned and hugged Martha "Thanks for lunch mom."

"You're always welcome, another universe or not, this will always be your home." He pressed a kiss against the top of her head then turned to Clark and held out his hand.

"I don't mean to be rude but I hope this is goodbye, so if it is, it was nice to meet you Clark." Smallville said sincerely.

"You too Smallville." Clark replied and raising his brows queried "We sound really stupid don't we?"

They both nodded and smiled then all three walked outside. The clouds had grown darker, the day had become dimmer while the rain continued to steadily fall. Smallville sped to where the wall should be but found it wasn't, and began to float upwards hoping he'd encounter some resistance. But when his hands encountered nothing at all he began to panic, moving up and down, across and back.

"I'm going over mom, maybe I can help him." Martha nodded and watched her boy fly up into the sky.

"It's not there is it?" He asked sympathetically.

"No, there's nothing here, just sky." He floated slowly, his hands outstretched trying to find any kind of impediment but his fingers found nothing.

"Ok you go to that end of the farm, I'll go to the other end and we'll both feel across until we meet in the middle." Clark proposed and receiving a nod in response asked "Are you sure it was this high up, should we be lower or higher."

"I've tried both but I'm not finding anything."

"Right well we're both fast, so we're going to check from the ground up ok?"

Smallville nodded gratefully and separating the two men flew to the opposite ends of the farm, then both began working their way from top to bottom, up and down trying to feel a barrier, an obstacle anything but were unsuccessful, finally meeting in the middle once again. "We can try further out." Clark offered.

Swallowing hard he nodded "Please, I know it was about here, but I have to try." Clark nodded and once again they began the process, once again without success.

Landing back on the ground they made their way to the house and onto the porch, rejoining their mom "You can't find it?" Smallville shook his head in despair "What are you going to do now?" Martha asked quietly.

"I don't know mom…um you don't mind if I call you that?"

"Of course not, parallel universe or not, you're still my son." She replied patting his arm.

"I think I'll call Chloe, she knew about all the weird and crazy stuff that happened in Smallville, maybe she'll think of something that'll help." His mom and twin nodded.

"First I want you both to have a shower and change out of your wet clothes." Martha held up a hand when his mouth opened "It will take you less than two minutes, you've been flying around in the rain and I want you both to have a hot shower and change before calling Chloe, please." He nodded and the three returned inside.

oOo

When Clark stepped into the room after his shower, he found Smallville looking at his old bedroom in astonishment "I was up here before but didn't really register anything because I was in and out so fast, but I should have seen straight away that it was different to my room back home." At Clark's curious look he shrugged "My room has both mine and Lois' stuff in it, but here it looks like it's just yours."

Clark pulled on some underwear, t-shirt, shirt and jeans then sat down to pull on socks and shoes "Yeah, Lana and I lived here for a little while, but when we left she took all of her possessions and I left behind the things I didn't need and some spare clothes. Mom keeps it ready for when people come and stay, but she keeps it the way I left it, because she still considers it my room."

Smallville nodded in understanding "Does Chloe work with you at the Daily Planet?"

Fingers paused, then resumed tying the laces on his boots "Chloe works there, but I don't."

"You're not a journalist?" Smallville asked curiously, leaning back against the desk.

His twin shook his head "No, I work the farm just like dad did, that's why I keep some clothes here, just in case. We stopped trying to find differences between us when you found out that I was married, but obviously my marriage isn't the only difference."

Smallville bobbed his head in agreement "Yeah." The two men exited the room and returned downstairs, one heading to the kitchen the other to the phone. He picked up the receiver, rang the Planet and once through found that Chloe was out of the office but due back soon. Having to be content with leaving a message for her to call the moment she returned; he hung up and made his way back to the kitchen to join his mom and twin.

"She's not there so I left a message. I want to go and find her but if I start looking now, she could call in the meantime, and then I'd be back to where I am now." Seeing the understanding looks on their faces he smiled slightly "If it was Lois I was looking for I'd find her in a minute, but without knowing where Chloe is…." He trailed off, took a seat at the island beside them and finished in frustration "I wish she'd hurry back already."

"Smallville you just rung, she'll call you back."

He nodded at his twins words then rested his elbow on the island and cupped his chin his hand "If I'm extremely lucky, Lois won't have time to build a dog house for me to sleep in before I get back."

Martha snickered and he shot his mom a wounded look "Sorry honey, now just in case you and Chloe are here for dinner, I'm going to get it started. Do you feel like anything in particular?"

His head shook "No, anything's fine mom."

She nodded and got up, walked to the fridge, opened the door and began to inspect the contents "Smallville…no I refuse to call any son of mine by that name, and since neither of you like Clark 1 and Clark 2, I'll have to think of something else." Martha stood up, leaned back against the sink and frowned.

"Mom it doesn't matter." When she looked at him with raised brows he tried to explain without hurting her feelings "No offence, but hopefully I'll be leaving tonight, so it's only for a few more hours."

"A few more hours or not, I'm not calling you by that ridiculous name." She returned adamantly, the two men looked at each other and shrugged in defeat knowing their mom "Ok, Smallville I'm going to call you sweetie, Clark I'm going to call you honey. That's the fairest solution I can think of; that way no one gets the name Clark and I don't have to call my son by a nickname." She nodded satisfied with her solution.

The two men automatically turned to each other and grinned "How much and what are the odds?" Smallville asked Clark.

"Ten bucks, I give her 30 minutes."

"You're on, but I have some faith, I'll give her an hour." They shook hands, then quickly turned and faced forward at their mom's voice.

"What on earth was that all about?" Martha demanded "And am I the person the two of you are betting on?"

Clark grimaced and tried to soften the blow "Mom, in less than 30 minutes…"

"An hour." Smallville cut in quickly.

"The odds favour me."

"No they don't."

"Pigs; I'll win this easy."

"Boys please." Martha called exasperated, wondering if this was what mothers of twins had to put up with.

"Sorry mom, but there's no way you're going to call me honey all the time or him sweetie all the time, you usually call me…"

"Us." Smallville once again interrupted.

"Right, you usually refer to us as both sweetie and honey, with the occasional Clark thrown in at regular intervals." Clark finished straight faced.

"You're betting on how long I'll last?" She demanded incredulous.

Both men flushed but Clark bravely continued "Um yeah, you'll call me; who you've just named Honey by the way, you'll call me both honey and sweetie and him…." Pointing his thumb at Smallville "Who you've just named Sweetie; you'll call him both sweetie and honey."

"You might as well call us both Sweetie-Honey." Smallville put forward, a small squeak of amusement creeping out. Clark turned, saw his twin biting his lip, bit his cheek in return then they began to laugh, great belly laughs that neither could stop.

"You know, neither of you are too old for a smack." Martha reminded them pointedly.

Clearing their throats they stopped laughing but their lips continued to twitch and their eyes danced.

Throwing up her hands, she shook her head then excused herself. When they heard her trying to stifle her chuckles in the pantry, the Clark's turned to each other, grinned and began laughing again.

When their laughter finally died down, Smallville turned to Clark with a curious expression "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Um maybe we could go outside; I don't wanna talk in front of mom just in case you don't feel comfortable opening up with a third party around."

"She's mom, I can tell her anything." Clark replied with a touch of surprise.

"I know but this might be something that you don't feel like sharing with anyone else and I really need to ask."

"Ok, we can go to the loft; mom still keeps it the way it used to be."

"Yeah so does mine." The two men walked outside, raced to the loft and up the stairs "It's exactly like mine." Smallville grinned leaning back against the desk before turning to face Clark who was relaxed on the couch.

Smiling Clark gestured for his twin to ask what was clearly on his mind.

"Are you happy married to Lana?" He asked getting right to the point.

"What?" Clark asked surprised "Why would you even ask me that?"

"You don't regret it?"

"Ok, what's this about exactly?" He asked patiently.

"Sorry." Smallville shrugged discomfited "It's just that I can't imagine being happy with anyone but Lois." He paused then asked "You said that you and Lana have been married for 8 years, how did it happen, 8 years ago in my universe, Lana married Lex."

Clark nodded "She almost did here as well, when you found out I was married to Lana we stopped trying to figure out what was different correct?" He nodded in reply "Ok, in your universe was there a time 8 years ago when Lana was engaged to Lex and something happened to Lois, she was in the Medical Centre uncon …." He trailed off when Smallville nodded "Well during that time, Lana was helping Chloe and me find out what was wrong with Lois and I begged her to take me ba…." He raked his hand through his hair but stopped when he noticed his twin nodding as well "You too huh?"

"Yeah but Lana turned me down and married Lex."

"She initially turned me down too, but she changed her mind and we eloped that night."

"You eloped?" He wasn't completely surprised, if he'd had the chance to elope with Lana back then, he would have taken it as well.

"Yeah, she was engaged to Lex but she was scared to face him so we ran away and got married."

"How did mom take the news?"

"She was surprised, Chloe was too and the next day Lois woke up." Clark finished simply.

"Can you tell me about it?" At Clark's curious expression Smallville shrugged "I'm kinda curious about what happened."

"Ok, well it was the fourth day that Lois was in the Medical Centre, Chloe was with Lois at the hospital, Lana came to see if she could help and I decided this was my chance to ask her to take me back. So I brought her up here and begged her to marry me instead of Lex but she turned me down." Smallville nodded in confirmation, and Clark continued "After lunch Lana left, mom went to sit with Lois and Chloe went to lie down, I came up here and looked at Lana's picture, thinking that my life was over and nothing would ever be right again." His twin shot him an understanding look.

"I did the same thing; I never thought I'd get over it so I know how you felt." Smallville nodded in acknowledgement.

Bobbing his head Clark once again took up the tale "In your world did Lana return a few of hours later?" Smallville shook his head "Then this is where our lives diverged, it wasn't the marriage, it was at this point." He grew silent, gathered his thoughts together and began.

oOo

_Day Four – 2007_

_Lying down on the couch he put Lana's photo on the coffee table and looked at her smiling face, she was gone and now the rest of his lonely life would start._

He had never felt so utterly wretched in all his life, Lana would soon be married to Lex and he had to pretend that he wasn't dying inside by inches. He'd trade every single one of his hated powers, for the power of being able to turn back time and never letting her go in the first place.

Even though she didn't know about his origins she had loved him anyway. He'd had everything he'd ever wanted and he'd thrown it away because of fear, and now he was more afraid then he'd ever been in his life. By breaking up with Lana he'd all but sent her running into Lex's arms, and Lex had always wanted what he had, but Lex wouldn't treasure her as he would.

Lana was headed straight into marriage with a lying, deceitful bastard and she just couldn't see it, she really had no idea just what she was getting into. The thought of Lex having the right to call Lana wife, the thought of their wedding night….god he didn't know if he could bear it.

He lifted his hands to scrub away the tears but they just flowed faster; reaching out he traced the outline of her face in the photo frame with the tip of his finger before letting his arm fall uselessly to his side then he closed his eyes. He just wanted to go away, run away, hide within himself and not see anyone. He didn't care about anything anymore, and couldn't imagine caring about anything ever again.

He was dreaming, Lana and he were married, they were happy and in love. When he felt a soft touch on his hand he tried to ignore it but the brushing became insistent, his eyes opened wearily and found Lana sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

He thought he still had to be dreaming, thought his mind had finally cracked merging reality with wishes and causing him to see the chimera in front of him; but when he reached out and touched warm soft flesh instead of air, he realised that he was awake. She was really here and looking at him with hope and affection in her eyes, instead of anger and disillusionment. He wanted to speak, wanted to say something but was scared of saying anything that could ruin the moment; that could make her leave.

"Hi." Her voice was soft with no trace of hostility and he could feel hope building in his chest, but wasn't willing to jump the gun and assume she was there to be with him. He'd first find out why she'd come back, but couldn't suppress the burst the optimism that was growing.

"Lana, um hi, what are you doing here?" His voice cracked but he didn't care, she knew how he felt so trying to hide the fact that he'd been crying was pointless, besides he could see that her eyes were also red so knew that she had been crying as well.

"I came to see you."

"Why?" He asked softly.

She took a deep breath and began to speak, her voice soft and hesitant "Clark, if you tell me the truth, really tell me, I will marry you, but please just tell me." Her hand reached out and picked up his "I don't care what it is, but just knowing that you don't trust me is what hurts so much, so please."

He nodded; this was his last chance and he knew it, if he didn't speak now she would leave and he'd never be given another chance again. He was going to tell her everything and hope like hell she wouldn't hate him afterwards.

Sitting up, he reached out and picked up her other hand and looking into her eyes told her everything that he'd been hiding for years. Nothing was left out, he told her of his origins, his powers; about Jor-el and the different types of kryptonite and how they affected him. He told her about the times he'd saved her life, and when he'd had to leave her to go and save others; and then he told her about his choice in bringing her back to life and losing his father as a consequence. By the time he was finished tears were quietly streaming down her face but her eyes never left his.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" She asked softly.

He took a deep breath and told her the fear that lived in his heart "I thought you'd hate me because my arrival caused you to lose your parents."

She nodded in understanding "I couldn't hate you for that Clark, you were just a child; you didn't mean to do it."

"Do you…do you love Lex?"

"No, I wanted to, I tried to but I love you."

"And the baby?"

She shook her head "There is no baby, I found out today that Lex tricked me into thinking I was pregnant but I'm not, I never have been."

"I'm going to kill him." He was happy for her, but furious that Lex could do something like that.

"Don't Clark, I felt like that too but he's not worth it, I just want him out of our lives."

He nodded but his anger still hadn't abated "Do you….will you marry me?"

"Yes but…." She broke off, gave an uncomfortable shrug and looked away.

"What?" He tugged until she was sitting beside him on the couch and lifted her chin "Lana you've just said that you'll marry me, there's nothing you can ask that I won't give."

She blew out a breath and in a soft voice expressed her own fear "I'm proud that you've helped so many people Clark I am, but I'm also scared. If you keep doing it, one day someone will find out and they'll try to hurt you."

"You want me to stop?" He asked slowly, disturbed by the notion of not helping when he could.

"No not stop." Her head shook violently back and forth "You couldn't because that's not who you are, but I want you to be more careful, please. You know what people are like, they'll either think you're a freak and be scared or they'll want what you have, and try to kill you to take it."

"Do you think I'm a freak?" He asked quietly.

"No, I think you're a wonderful person who just wants to help people because you can, I'm just scared that I'll lose you."

"You won't ever lose me, Lana."

"Please can you just pick your moments and be careful." He nodded, grateful that she didn't expect him to never help anyone.

"Your father Jor-el wants you to fulfil some great destiny; but I'm scared that if you do, one day you'll look at me and I just won't be enough for you anymore, I'm scared that you'll leave me." She said in a soft embarrassed voice.

"I've never cared what Jor-el wanted Lana, he wants me to fulfil my destiny but I've always known that you're my destiny. So I guess for once Jor-el and I are in agreement and I am doing what he wants." He smiled, leant forward and kissed her softly "I'm not going anywhere and if Jor-el doesn't like it then tough. You're all I've ever wanted and now that I have you, I don't want anything else, you'll always be enough for me." He said softly, she smiled through tears and stroked his face with her hand "I love you Lana, I always will."

"I love you too." She hesitated then asked softly "You promise you won't leave me, you won't change your mind and go to Jor-el?"

He squeezed her hand and pledged "I won't Lana, I promise."

"Thank you, Clark." She squeezed his hand in return and smiled tremulously.

Suddenly it became real to both of them, they were together again, he saw the realisation slam into her eyes and knew that she was seeing the same in his. He grinned, so did she, then they both began to chuckle, and were soon holding onto each other; laughing, kissing and hugging unable to comprehend that everything was out in the open, and they were back in each other's arms, just as destiny had always intended.

When they were finally able to contain themselves, he was leaning back on the couch with an arm around her waist, while she was lying half on him, while her hand softly stoked his chest.

"I'll be with you when you tell Lex that you're breaking the engagement." When her head shook back and forth he reminded her quietly "You know about my powers now; you don't have to be scared or worried Lana, I can take care of myself and I can take care of you. Lex can't do anything to hurt either of us that I can't take care of."

"I don't want to see him."

"Then I'll tell him for you."

"Can't we tell him afterwards?" She asked raising her head to look into his face.

"What'd you mean?"

"You said that you wanted us to get married." He nodded and pressed a quick kiss to her lips "Can't we just elope, tonight, right now I mean."

"But…"

"Please Clark, I'm scared of him and if we tell anyone else they'll just try and stop us; can't we just do it and present everyone with a our marriage afterwards."

"Are you sure that's what you want, you don't want the fancy wedding or anything?" He'd like to see her in a beautiful wedding dress walking down the aisle towards him with their families and friends in attendance, but ultimately as long she married him that was all that mattered.

"Of course I do I'm a girl, but I want to marry you more." She grinned unrepentant.

Hugging her close he grinned and kissed her quickly "Ok, I'll race inside and get my birth certificate; I have a fake one." He said simply in response to her unasked curiosity "Tell me where yours is at the mansion, I'll race over to retrieve it and then the two of us will go and be married."

Lana's nose wrinkled "Where will we go, I don't want to go to Vegas or anything like that."

"We can either go to Metropolis, or we can drive to the next small town or the one after and keep going until we find a JP to marry us."

She nodded, told him what room was hers at the mansion, where she kept her private papers and gave him an exact layout of the mansion, including what to look for in the way of security and so forth, then told him that she'd wait for him in her car which she'd parked behind the barn so no one could see. Grinning he dashed to the farm house, x-rayed and found his mom had returned and she and Chloe were presently in the kitchen, so raced around and entered through the front door, sped through the house, retrieved his birth certificate and the engagement ring he already had, darted to the mansion to retrieve Lana's certificate and soon he was in the car and they were on their way.

They drove for over an hour heading away from Metropolis, their spirits high, expectations buoyant. He phoned his mom and told her he'd decided to go and sit with Lois, she phoned Lex and told him the same thing, both informing the parties that they wouldn't be home for quite a while as they wanted to spend time at the hospital. His reasons were to save worry on his mom's behalf; hers to stop Lex from trying to track her down and catching up with them.

They had to hurry, it would be dinner time soon and the hospital kicked visitors out at dinner time, but if they could do the deed and get married then it wouldn't make any difference if they were found out afterwards.

They'd been driving for two hours when he pulled into the garage of a little town and after filling the gas tank, asked the cashier if there were any JP's in the area, hoping that they'd be in luck; and it seemed that this night luck was firmly on their side.

The cashier gave him directions to the local JP; who happened to be his uncle, wished him luck and a few minutes later, he pulled the car pulled over to the kerb outside a small house.

"This is it, are you sure Lana?" She grinned and nodded, opened the car door, he opened his side and holding hands they walked up the path, knocked on the door, made their request, showed the necessary proof of age and 15 minutes later, left as Mr and Mrs Clark Kent.

Once outside they couldn't contain their laughter, their utter joy, they were married, no one could come between them anymore; no one could split them up, they would be together for life and life had never looked sweeter to either of them.

Once back in the car they turned to each other, hugged and kissed, laughed and kissed. Holding her face in his hands he looked into her eyes "Hello Mrs Kent."

She grinned "Lana Kent, I like it."

"I love it and I love you." Leaning forward he kissed her softly "Um Lana, there is one thing."

"What's wrong?"

"I….the one time we made love I didn't have my powers but I do now and I'm scared of hurting you."

"Clark you won't hurt me, but we can take our time, take it slow and I think we'll be just fine." She said softly leaning forward to peck his check.

"You promise to tell me if I hurt you?"

She nodded and couldn't stop grinning "Where are we going now?"

"While the JP's wife was busy getting you those flowers, I asked him if there were any hotels in the town, he said there was one about 5 minutes away." Clark replied softly, looking at his wife.

She picked up the small posy of flowers from her lap, sniffed, then zipped open her purse and looked inside "I don't have much money and I refuse to use anything that Lex gave me."

Reaching over he picked up her hand "I have a little money as well, hopefully the place won't be too expensive but if it is, we'll just find somewhere else." Looking down at her hand he smiled "I like seeing my ring on your finger."

"So do I, I wish we had a ring for you."

"We'll get one tomorrow." And with high sprits they made their way to the local hotel. The room wasn't expensive but did take almost all of the money they both had, and although it was a little shabby, as far as they were concerned it was perfect.

She called Lex again and told him she was having dinner at the Kent's, he called his mom and told her that he'd be home later, explaining that he was down due to Lana's pending marriage and just wanted to be alone, and without giving his mom a chance to speak, quietly told her not to worry and hung up.

They had taken their time, they were both nervous and scared; it had been well over a year since they'd been together, and now that he had his powers back they were apprehensive but everything had been fine. In fact it was so fine neither could understand what they were worried about in the first place.

The room had been paid for upfront and was theirs for the whole night but they couldn't stay. Lex would come looking for her and if he found them, then he'd have the upper hand, by facing him on their terms, they would.

Also his mom would be worried, super powers or not, she'd be concerned about him, and with Lois in the hospital and trying to be strong for Chloe it wasn't fair to worry his mom when there was no reason to. Besides they were married now and had their whole lives of ahead of them, it didn't matter where they slept because they'd be sleeping together anyway.

They dressed, got back in the car, drove back to Smallville and pulled up in front of the farm at nearly 10 pm. When they walked into the house it was to find his mom and Chloe sitting at the kitchen island nursing cups of coffee with worried expressions on their faces; which soon turned to looks of surprise at seeing him and Lana together.

"Clark where have you been, I know you weren't at the hospital because I called, what's going on?" Chloe fired questions, her eyes shifting between Lana and him.

"Sorry Chloe but we couldn't tell anyone." He replied apologetically.

"Tell anyone what?"

"Lana and I are married." To say his mom and Chloe were shocked was an understatement; they looked at each other, then back at him and Lana but no words were forthcoming "Aren't you going to congratulate us?"

His mom stood up and hugged him, welcomed Lana into the family, congratulated them both and re-took her seat.

"Chloe?"

"I'm guessing you told Lana all about yourself?" He nodded "I'm stunned but I'm happy for you both, congratulations." She said quietly rising and hugging both of them "Well are you going to tell us how this happened or what?"

He shrugged and grinned, looked at Lana saw the happiness in her eyes and turned back to their fascinated audience "I just knew that I couldn't let Lana go without telling her how I felt, she told me that she still loved me too and we eloped."

"And when did all this come about?" His mom asked quietly.

"Today, god I can't believe it, a few hours ago I thought my life was over and now it's just beginning." He picked up his wife and twirled her around in a circle, the two of them laughed and smiled, hugged and smiled, neither of them could stop. It didn't occur to him until he was lying in bed, that neither his mom nor Chloe appeared genuinely happy.

"Well now that you're home I'm going to bed. Good night sweetie, good night Lana." His mom hugged them again, kissed them both on the cheek then turned to the last person in the room "Good night Chloe, please try not to worry, everything's going to be just fine, alright?" Chloe smiled and nodded wished his mom good night and then it was just the three of them.

"Well I'm tired and since I'm guessing that I'm back on the couch, I'll see you in the morning, ok?" She wished them goodnight turned for the couch then spun around at his call.

"We have to tell Lex, and we're going to do it now but we'll try not to wake you up ok Chloe?" She nodded, gave them each a quick look and retreated to the couch.

Once back in the car they drove to the mansion. This was going to be the hard part and neither looked forward to it, but once it was over, their lives together could truly begin.

They walked into the mansion, found Lex in his study and stood shoulder to shoulder holding hands; he gazed between them and lifted his brow "Something you want to tell me?"

"We're married Lex, Lana and I are married and there's nothing you can do about it." He replied, satisfaction colouring his voice.

"I see, and when did this joyous event take place?" Lex asked casually.

"A couple of hours ago."

Lex nodded, got up to pour himself a drink and turned to face them "A couple of hours ago, so when you told me that you were with Lois, you were lying, yes?" He looked at Lana waiting for her nod "Well aren't the two of you a nice piece of work. I'm sure Lois will be glad to know that her friends were so concerned about her, that they ran off and got married as a way to share their combined melancholy." He sneered contemptuously.

"That's funny coming from you Lex; you don't give a damn about anyone but yourself." Clark replied angrily, insulted at the man's inference that they'd done anything wrong.

Lex's eyes raked Lana up and down, his lip lifted in a curl then he turned to Clark "Well I'll say good luck because you're going to need it; she's the coldest fish I've ever had in bed. Maybe you can find a way to teach her that her body is meant for more than just pushing out babies, god knows I tried, but if Lana even has a happy button I couldn't find it."

He felt his face flame, saw Lana's was bright red and became angry "Shut the hell up Lex, you don't know a thing about Lana, much less how to make her happy." Letting go of Lana's hand he walked forward, stopped in front of Lex and said fiercely "Don't ever talk about my wife that way again."

"Your wife, how touching; well now that you've told me the news, I suggest you get out of my sight…." Strolling over to Lana he held out his hand "...but not before you give me back my ring, I don't intend to finance your marriage." She opened her purse, took out the ring and handed it to him, he looked at it then put it in his pocket "I'll have it appraised tomorrow, and it better be the real thing because if it's not, I'll have you thrown in jail, clear." His voice was casual, his manner unconcerned. His eyes however showed fury and contempt, and what Clark would believe was hurt, if he didn't know that Lex wasn't a non feeling bastard who couldn't be hurt.

"We're not thieves; we're not like you Lex." Clark sneered in return, joining Lana once again and taking her hand in his.

"Well what are you waiting for? Are you expecting me to applaud your bravery in running off to get married?" Lex asked politely and sipped his drink.

"We need to get Lana's things."

"Neither of you are going anywhere in this mansion, I'll have her things packed up and sent to you, now get out." Lex replied returning to sit behind his desk.

He looked at Lana, saw the pleading in her eyes and decided to leave "When will they arrive?"

"Tomorrow, I don't want her possessions here any longer than necessary, but **you** will pay for the courier, understood?"

"We can't afford it."

Lex shrugged and leant back in his seat "Tough."

"I'll bring my truck."

"Fine, then her things will be left outside the gates, now if that's all." And with a sweep of his hand to the door they were dismissed, as objectionable unwelcome visitors that he wanted out of his sight.

Once outside they breathed in relief "I thought he'd be a lot angrier than that."

"He'd have to have feelings to care Lana and he doesn't, you were just another accessory to grace his arm." He put his arm around her waist, ushered her to the car and drove back to the farm.

They crept into the house, made their way upstairs to his room and that was when their discomfort set in. They were married, had already slept together but this was their first official night as man and wife in his bed. He looked at her, she looked at him, he smiled, so did she, and laughing quietly they hugged tightly.

As all her possessions were at the mansion she wore one of his shirts to bed, he wore a t-shirt and shorts and as neither wanted to make any noise that could disturb his mom, they didn't make love again. Both were content to fall asleep in each other's arms, her head resting on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around her.

His last thought before sleep claimed him was that his mom and Chloe seemed a bit reserved but once they got over the surprise, he knew they'd be alright. They knew how much he'd always loved Lana, and they also knew he could never be happy unless she was with him.

At last his life was just as it was always meant to be, and for the first time since he'd lost Lana so many months ago, he went to sleep completely happy and satisfied with life.

Clark came back to the present with a jolt and looked at Smallville "It was the happiest night of my life, I'll never forget one moment of it."

Smallville smiled in understanding "I imagine it was, I remember when Lana turned me down I thought I'd never be happy again. If I'd known about you at the time; known that she'd married you, I would have been bitterly envious y'know."

"I take it you're not anymore?" Clark asked pointedly.

"No I love Lois, if I'd married Lana it would have been one hell of a mistake." He shrugged and offered apologetically "But that's just me; in my case I'm glad that she didn't come back that day."

Clark bobbed his head in understanding taking no offence.

"Was Lois surprised?"

"Very." Clark replied dryly.

"What'd she say?" Smallville asked, walking over to sit beside his twin, with curiosity burning in his eyes.

"She…sorry" Clark pulled out his phone, looked at the caller ID, stood and walked a few feet away to speak. Deciding to give him some privacy Smallville sped out of the barn and finding that it had stopped raining walked to the fence to look over the fields.

When he first realised that he was in an alternate universe he'd thought maybe Lana had been the cause; that she had sent him here so he could see another version of himself happily married to her; if that _was_ the case then she'd wasted both her time and his. He didn't give a happy damn if every other Clark Kent in every other universe wanted her, he didn't.

He'd wanted to know if his counterpart was happily married to Lana, and knowing that Clark was, he didn't feel comfortable sharing his suspicions that the Lana from his world might be responsible for bringing him here.

If Lana was responsible then he hoped that she was keeping an eye on things because he'd make sure to send her the message that he wanted out. Even if that message was in the form of making sure that everyone he talked to knew that this wasn't his life, and not one that he'd choose even if he could.

If Lana wasn't responsible and this was just a freak occurrence then hopefully with Chloe's help he'd find the barrier and go back to his own universe. If he couldn't find the barrier he didn't know what he'd do, but if he had to shake hands with the devil to get a ticket back to his life and Lois, he would.

Looking at his watch he saw that it was almost 3pm, and hoped that Lois wasn't getting herself worked up worried about him. It would be even better if she hadn't realised yet that he was missing then he could just slip back and tell her afterwards what happened, all without worrying her unnecessarily.

Shaking his head he scoffed silently at his own stupidity, of course Lois was going to be worried, he'd been here for hours already, and not finding him on the media after so long would make her frantic, but ….god…. Jor-el said that the universe had to find a balance and right now he was in an alternate universe. Did that mean his own universe had somehow filled in the void his lack of presence had left; was no one was missing him at all because as far as they were concerned, he'd never existed there in the first place?

NO! He wouldn't, couldn't accept that, he just had to find a way back and once he did, he'd be with Lois again. He didn't care who or what was responsible but he wasn't going to let Lana, the laws of physics or the universe keep them apart. He'd go back and once again be with Lois despite everything and all of them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

A few minutes later Clark came outside and joined him at the fence "Sorry about that, it was just Lana calling to see what I felt like for dinner. I told her about you being here, and said that I was going to stay and see if I could help. Y'know in case we had to search for the barrier, portal, whatever the hell."

"Thanks." He smiled in return.

"No problem, I have to see this through you know. I'm just going to tell mom that I'm joining you both for dinner, be back in a moment, ok?" He was gone and back a few moments later "Mom said to come inside and have some coffee and cake."

"Ok, but I was thinking we should fill in the hole first, do you mind?" Smallville gestured with his head towards the field.

"It's actually a good idea. I'll get some bags from the barn, we can fill them up with dirt and get it done." Clark sped to the barn, returned with the bags and the two men sped back and forth gathering dirt and filling in the hole. "Well that took all of five minutes." He chuckled and slapped his twin on the back.

"Yeah, I'm just exhausted now and I could really use that cup of coffee." Laughing the two men walked to the farmhouse.

Once inside Martha looked them up and down and shook her head "Shower now, the two of you look like you've been making mud pies."

"But mom." They whined together.

"You still have some clean clothes upstairs, and the clothes you were both wearing earlier are in the dryer now, so neither of you has to sit around in your birthday suits. But if you keep going the way you have today the washing machines going out on strike, now hit it!" Hearing the tone in her voice, they once again hit it.

Martha grinned and shook her head. Seeing two versions of her son, hearing the same whine from the two of them was somewhat amusing. They really were like twins; they not only looked alike but thought alike as well.

They came back down minutes later, freshly showered and dressed, looking like two identical handsome bookends. Thank goodness Clark hadn't been a twin. If he had been she and Jonathan would never have survived his high school years, nor would they have gotten any rest from being inundated from besotted girls all vying for their son's attention.

The two men sat at the kitchen island and after placing the chocolate cake and a knife on the island, Martha turned to the cupboard, picked up a few saucers and turned back around to find her boys had already hacked a huge piece of cake each. Laughing she set the quarter plates on the island, retrieved the coffee and got comfortable.

"We filled the hole in mom."

She nodded and sipped her coffee "What have the two of you been doing?"

"I asked Clark to tell me how he and Lana got married 8 years ago. As that didn't happen in my world I was curious." Smallville replied picking up his coffee to sip before taking another bite of cake.

"What happened in yours?" She asked curiously.

"I also asked Lana to take me back but she said no and married Lex instead."

"Lana's married to Lex?"

"No, they divorced a few months later." He sipped his coffee, before asking her what he was dying to know "Clark said that he didn't think you and Chloe appeared happy with his marriage. How did you feel mom? I'm kind of curious about how my mom would have reacted."

Martha Kent smiled at her son and patted his hand "I was surprised and shocked. Also to be honest the timing wasn't that great. I was worried about Lois, worried for Chloe so this was just one more thing on top of all of that."

The two men nodded in understanding "Were you angry?"

"No honey, I wasn't angry with you." Martha answered Smallville's question but looked at Clark "I was caught off guard, but I wasn't angry."

"Chloe was happy for us, but well…"

"She had a crush on you?"

Clark nodded and smiled "Yeah, but she never let that stop her from urging me to tell Lana the truth and getting her back. She was a good friend, but like mom she thought the timing could have been better."

"My Chloe was the same way. Despite her crush she still urged me to think about it before breaking up with Lana then she told me off when I whined about her upcoming marriage. She said that I broke up with Lana to protect her, and hadn't I done a great job of that as she was now all set to marry Lex." He grimaced and shrugged "I didn't want to see it at the time but she was right. However, it worked out right for me, so I'm not sorry that I didn't do what she said."

"Lois was angry." Clark said quietly and Martha nodded in confirmation "She was furious, and she didn't hold back when she reamed Lana and me out."

"You said that she was surprised."

"You asked me if she was surprised…." Clark corrected "…and she was for a about a minute or two, then she was almost choleric with anger."

The phone rang interrupting the conversation. Jumping out of his seat Smallville raced over, picked it up, and had a short conversation before returning to the kitchen gloomily "It wasn't Chloe, just a wrong number."

Martha opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when the phone rang once again.

Smallville raced over, picked it up and smiled when he heard the voice on the other end "Hey Chloe, thanks for calling me back."

"No problem, but what's so urgent?"

"I need your help; can you get away from work?"

"I'm kinda busy right now; can I call you back when I get home?" He could hear her pushing things around on her desk, the absentminded tone in her voice, but he needed her help and wasn't inclined to wait any longer than he had to.

"It can't wait Chloe, it's really important, please."

He heard the impatient sigh then the question "How long will it take?"

"I don't know Chlo, I'm hoping it won't take long but it could be a couple of days."

"_Day's_; Clark I'm finishing work soon, and then I'll be on leave until the fifth." She replied annoyed "I want to spend my few days of leave relaxing, not ….."

"Please Chloe." He cut in over her "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't this important." He hesitated then hoped that his next suggestion would go down better "I'll come to the Planet and give you a brief run down on what's so urgent."

There was a pregnant pause before she sighed heavily in capitulation "Fine, I'll meet you in the coffee shop across the street; you're buying."

"Thanks Chlo, I'll be there soon." He hung up, returned to the kitchen and informed his mom and twin of his intentions "I don't anticipate being gone for long but if something happens, do you want me to be Superman or will you take it?"

"Take what?" Clark asked with a quick head shake.

Seeing the puzzlement in his twin's eyes, Smallville stared dumbfounded "You….you're not Superman?"

"Who did you say?" Clark asked in disbelief.

Smallville once again felt taken aback. For less than a heartbeat he could have sworn that Clark had been shocked, but his twin's face was one of curiosity not knowledge. Turning to face his mom he saw the same inquisitiveness in her eyes, and held back the groan.

"Ok, this is another thing that's different." He rubbed his neck and paced around the kitchen muttering loudly enough that those present heard every word "I know you married Lana, and you said you weren't going to do the training; well I assumed you meant the training when you said you weren't going to do what Jor-el wanted, but you can fly so I just assumed…." He blew out a breath, stopped and rested back against the sink

Clark shrugged off hand. "I started flying when I was 21; it was almost like a rite of passage or something, but can you go back to the Superman thing again." It had been bizarre to see his twin pace and mutter the same way he did, but being an observer to the spectacle did have its amusement value.

"Remember how I was helping people in my universe?" They nodded in unison "I was Superman at the time." At their expressions he scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed "Ok, I'm going to talk to Chloe, and hopefully bring her back with me, and as hard as it is, I'll just have to ignore any cries for help unless I can do something without anyone seeing me." Smallville pushed off the sink "I'll explain Superman when I come back. Actually if Chloe can't help me to leave straight away we'll have a nice long talk and fill each other in on what we've both been doing for the last 8 years. Obviously we stopped comparing lives way too prematurely earlier."

Clark nodded in agreement.

"Does Lois work at the Planet?"

They both shook their heads but it was Martha who answered "No honey, she doesn't live in Metropolis."

Smallville began to feel more and more deflated. He'd hoped that one thing was the same between their worlds, and so far all he'd found the same was that Chloe worked at the Planet, but he'd wanted one thing of him and Lois to be consistent. Also since finding out that he was in a parallel world, his curiosity had started burning at what Lois looked like here. He hadn't given it much thought because he'd been more concerned with other things, namely getting back to his own fiancé, but now that he knew Lois didn't work at the Planet, didn't live in Metropolis and he wouldn't get to see her, he felt let down anew.

"Ok, well I'm going to see Chloe and tell her what's going on, if she can't leave because of work, I'll hang around and bring her back as soon as she's done ok." They both nodded and wished him luck.

He stepped out the back door, spun into the suit, sighed, spun out of it again and decided that he'd have to fly fast enough that the human eye couldn't see him. A minute later he was in Metropolis, ordering coffee for two and taking a seat waiting for Chloe to arrive.

oOo

Chloe put down the phone, raked a hand through her hair and sighed. She'd been looking forward to her break, kicking back, relaxing, spending time with her cousin but she couldn't turn Clark down. The tone in his voice had been almost desperate, and she couldn't say no, hopefully this wouldn't take long and she could still enjoy her break. Grabbing her bag and coat, she let her partner know she was going for coffee and made her way to the elevators.

When the lift arrived, she stepped in, looked at her watch and confirmed that it was almost 3pm; the work day was nearly over, well if no major catastrophes occurred then her day was nearly over. Stepping out of the lift, she crossed the lobby, stepped outside, made her way to the stop lights and waited for the light to change before crossing the road. When she saw Clark through the shop window, she smiled and waved, moved between tables and took a seat opposite him, hoping that his crisis could wait because she still had to finish her article.

"Hi Clark." She automatically reached for the cup and lifted it in acknowledgement "Thanks." He bobbed his head; she sipped the coffee and decided to get down to business "So what's up?"

He sat forward, she leaned in "Chloe I'm not the Clark you know."

She sat back and frowned "Excuse me?"

He took a quick look around, the shop wasn't busy and there was no one sitting at the tables beside them, but for the first time he was especially grateful that the people in Metropolis were isolated individuals, being far too involved in their own lives to care what their fellow man was doing.

He quietly and quickly explained his predicament, and saw not only astonishment but awe in his friend's expression.

"This is unbelievable, you look exactly like Clark." Chloe waved her hand "I know, I know you are Clark, but you're not our Clark and yet…" She trailed off and asked curiously "Do I look different to the Chloe in your world?" He shook his head amused at her question "Wow."

"Chloe I really need your help, I don't know what to do." He grabbed her hand and held tight.

"I'm not a scientist Clark so I wouldn't know where to start looking for answers." She returned squeezing his hand in apology.

"I know but will you come back to Smallville with me, to try and help us figure it out?"

"Of course I will, but ….shit." At the curious expression on his face, she explained "Lois and I have arranged to spend a few days together, and she'll be arriving tomorrow."

He thought about it for a moment before making a suggestion "Look we could get back to Smallville and find the barriers back in place, in which case I just have to push my way through and we're done. But if it's not there then can't you call Lois and ask her to join us at the farm? When she arrives we can tell her what's going, and ask her to help too."

She nodded slowly but put forward the next obstacle "She doesn't know about your powers or your heritage. How are we going to tell her what's going on without revealing that?" She lifted the cup and took a gulp of the rich hot coffee, only to almost spit it out at his revelation.

He groaned silently "We'll talk to Clark, and ask him if we can tell her. The Lois in my world took it well Chloe; she took it so well that we're engaged."

"You...you're engaged to Lois?" Chloe sputtered, coughed and waved his arm away when he began to smack her on the back. At his nod, she gave him another long searching look, began to speak, stopped, shook her head and sighed "This is just too weird."

"It's not that weird." At her dry look, he flushed and corrected "Ok, it is but …"

"I'm just so used to Clark being married to Lana and…"

"He is; I'm not." Smallville replied firmly, ensuring there were no misunderstandings about which Clark he was.

Her lips tilted in a smile of acknowledgement "Clark…" At his raised hand she stopped.

"Call me Smallville otherwise it'll just be too confusing."

"Ok..." She nodded "...well Smallville I have to finish my article, and it's not something that I can just leave unless I want to be unemployed, which I don't; but it should only take me about 20 minutes at most. So do you wanna wait here or come back with me?"

"I'll wait here. I don't want to interact with too many people I know. They don't know me because Clark doesn't work at the Planet, but it's still better if I stay out of the way."

"You work at the Planet?" Chloe asked astonished.

"Yeah; ok Chloe here's what we'll do. You go and finish your article then we'll go to Smallville. Hopefully the wall/barrier will be back, and I can leave. If it's not, I'll bring you back so you can pack some clothes for a few days, then all of us will have dinner and afterwards we'll talk about all the differences between my world and here, ok?" She chuckled at the way the words almost poured out of him.

"Good idea, otherwise this will all just get told over and over again." He nodded in such a long suffering fashion that she giggled again "I'll be back soon." Picking up her bag, she pushed her chair back and began to walk away, but turned and came back to the table and grabbed his hand; when he looked up, she smiled confidently "We'll figure it out Smallville, I promise."

"Thanks Chloe." She squeezed once again, turned and went back to work.

oOo

Thirty minutes later he met Chloe outside the coffee shop, pointed to an alley and began walking. Once they were in the alley he looked around to check that all was clear "Have you flown with Clark before?" She shook her head, he sighed "Ok, I'm going to pick you up but I promise you'll be safe ok?" She nodded "I'm going to have to go high so that we're not detected but not so high you can't breathe easily, and I'll go fast but not too fast, but if you feel uncomfortable just let me know ok?" She nodded again, he scooped her into his arms and they were off.

Chloe looked around in wonder "This is amazing, incredible." He turned to her and smiled "If you'd done this when I was crushing on you so badly I probably would have thrown my underwear at you." When his face turned brick red, she screamed with laughter.

"Chloe…." Smallville warned. He knew that his face was flushed, and wondered why his friends were girls, then quickly thanked god they were. If Chloe had been a guy and said that, he likely would have dropped her by accident.

"Oh pipe down, I said when." She grinned enjoying his discomfiture, and spent the rest of the time looking around and seeing the world from a unique and wonderful perspective.

They arrived at the farm walked into the kitchen and Chloe stopped dead "This is unbelievable. I know you told me but seeing two Clarks is way out there."

Martha and Clark smiled in greeting "Hello Chloe, thanks for coming."

"That's ok Martha, hey Clark." He returned her greeting. "Well now that we're here why don't we check and see if that wall or whatever is back?"

"If it was back wouldn't you have hit it when you came back just now?" Clark asked confused.

Smallville shrugged "It wasn't there when I flew towards Metropolis to meet Chloe, and on the way back I came from a different direction since I was carrying her and didn't want to smack into it just in case. However, I zipped over there after setting her down on the porch..."

"You did?" Chloe cut in surprised.

"Super-speed." Her reminded her and smiled when she had a 'duh' moment "Anyway it wasn't there a minute ago, but it doesn't hurt to check again."

They all nodded in agreement and retreated outside, returning to the house 20 minutes "Ok, so that was a wash." Chloe announced plainly.

Sitting at the kitchen table they silently drank steaming mugs of coffee until Smallville opened the conversation "Clark..." He twin looked up "Chloe's agreed to stay and help but Lois is arriving tomorrow to spend a few days with her in Metropolis. I was thinking we could ask her to come here and help. Lo's really good at solving things but Chloe said she doesn't know about you/us; can we tell her?" He asked quietly.

Clark looked at his mom "It's up to you honey."

"How do you think she'll take it?"

"My Lois was fine. She didn't care that I was an alien, it really wasn't a big deal to her." He told his twin truthfully "I don't think your Lois will be any different."

Clark closed his eyes and rubbed his brow "Ok."

"Thanks." He said quietly knowing that it was a big decision for his counterpart "Chlo, why don't I take you back to your place so you can pack."

She nodded, looked between the two Clark's then grinned at Martha "Be grateful he wasn't a twin when he was at school."

"I am dear." The two women smiled at each other and nodded.

The men looked at each other and shrugged "I don't get it." They said simultaneously.

"If you'd been a twin at school I can imagine that your poor mom and dad wouldn't have had any peace. The phone would have rung off the hook; girls would have been dropping by with one excuse or another like, well..." She thought for a moment and flashed a quick smile when Martha took up the thread.

"Needing help with their homework."

"Laughing at your lame jokes." Chloe tacked on enjoying herself.

"Asking you to tell them about the football game because they missed it and really, really wanted to know what happened." Martha put in grinning.

"Calling you to ask what assignments were due in class." Chloe giggled.

"Sending you cute emails." Martha tittered as her lips began to twitch.

The men's head swivelled back and forth, and seeing the stupefied expressions the women broke down in giggles.

"For god's sakes guys you're both really hot. If there had been two of you all the time the girls at school would have been drooling." When the men's face's flamed, the women's giggles changed to chortles of laughter.

"Oh god, I would have been coming onto both of you." She snickered "Can't you just see it, there's me; 'I really love you Clark', then 'I really love you Smallville' back and forth all day, and I wouldn't have been able to decide which one I wanted." The men's faces became even redder, Chloe began to hiccup with laughter and Martha tried to stifle her mirth with her hand.

Once the laughter died down, Smallville took Chloe home to pack and they returned to the farm shortly afterwards.

Dinner was fairly silent, and although the atmosphere wasn't uncomfortable Smallville could sense some tension in the air but couldn't put his finger on what could have caused it. Deciding it was probably something that was unique to this world and obviously not his business as no one felt like sharing it with him, he shrugged internally and enjoyed the rest of the meal.

When dinner was over, the kitchen was cleaned and they retired to the lounge to relax. But the silence didn't last for long as Chloe's curiosity could no longer be contained "Ok, Smallville we all know about Clark's life the last 8 years, so how about you fill us in on your life; Clark can fill you in on his when you're alone." She said forthrightly without a hint of embarrassment "Oh and hey, if I'm dating someone in your world tell me about that too." She put in as an afterthought.

Seeing the looks of curiosity sent his way by three pairs of eyes Smallville smiled "Ok, well…." And he plunged into the narrative of his life covering the last 8 years. The only things he held back were the details of his relationship with Lois, feeling they were far too personal and the events that had happened the previous month with Jo being in Lois' body. If he mentioned that then he'd have to explain his and Lois' suspicions of Lana's involvement of her time in the Medical Centre. And as the Lana in this world had been married to Clark since she was 19, it would be unfair to hold her accountable for the actions of her older self from his world, as she wouldn't have known what her twin might have done.

When he finally ran down, he flushed at the three pairs of eyes staring at him "And that's it."

"I can't believe you're a journalist." Chloe said quietly.

"I have the award to prove it." He returned complacently "It wasn't something that I dreamed of doing like you did Chlo, I just realised one day that it really was what I wanted to do."

"Well at least now I know why you were wearing a suit when you first arrived, I wondered why my son was all dressed up for no reason." Martha smiled "Can we see the costume sweetie?" He stood up, spun into the suit, blushed at the looks aimed at him, spun back and retook his seat.

"I don't need it until I go back, but I'm keeping it on just in case I can leave at any time because I will need it when I re-enter my world."

"Who designed it?" Chloe asked curiously.

He gestured with his head "Mom."

"Lois fell for Superman without knowing you were him?" Clark questioned and at his twins nod, he frowned "But it's obvious who you are."

"I think so too, but the only people who know are the people I've told, no one else sees it." Smallville explained "I'm grateful but yeah, I can't figure it out either."

"I can." When the men turned towards her Chloe smiled "Even though you were in the suit for only a few seconds you were totally different. Your stance, the way you held your head, just little mannerisms, and you said yourself you speak a little differently, more authoritative So unless a person knew they really wouldn't see it."

Martha concurred "I agree, plus people see what they want to see. Who's going to believe that a normal Joe they work with and live next door too, is really a man with super powers."

Smallville nodded "That's what everyone who knows has said to me at some point. I guess because I know it's me it's obvious, but either way I'm just glad that no one else has figured it out."

"So I'm not dating anyone in your world huh?" Chloe frowned and made a slight moue of disappointment "I was hoping my counterpart was doing better in the dating arena than me."

"Sorry Chlo." Smallville smiled ruefully.

"That's ok, umm before I forget I'd better call Lois, let her know that I'm here and find out if she still wants to come." Reaching for her phone, she flashed a look around at the occupants, walked into the lounge room and made the call, returning a few minutes later. "She's coming. I didn't give her any details but she's fine with staying here, and should arrive about 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon."

"Where does Lois live and what does she do?" Smallville asked curiously and noticed almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth that the atmosphere in the room became heavy.

"She lives in Star City…"

"Star City." He cut in and felt his stomach drop at the news. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

Chloe nodded "Yeah, she's living with Oliver …"

"Queen" He supplied in a flat, emotionless tone. At the startled faces turned his way, he shrugged embarrassed "Sorry, kind of a sore point. So Lois and Oliver are together in this world huh?" He said softly before quickly shaking off his feeling of disappointment "Well, she's not my Lois so I hope that she's happy."

Chloe cleared her throat. "She is, and umm she's a Journalist as well. She's really good and also has the awards to prove it."

"Well I'm not surprised, my Lois has won a few awards herself, so I'm sure that yours has a gift with words just like mine does. I keep telling Lo that she has an unfair advantage being able to talk under water like she can, she just tells me to 'stick it' and we're both happy with the exchange." He grinned good natured and noticed that although everyone nodded and smiled the atmosphere was still strained.

When Clark stood up everyone stood in turn "I'd better be heading off. If you're still here tomorrow Smallville I'll see you then ok?" He kissed his mom on the cheek, wished everyone good night waved, and left.

"Chloe you take my old...sorry Clark's old bedroom, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, and when Lois comes tomorrow maybe the two of you can share it."

"Ok, thanks."

"I'm just going to get some bedding for the couch and be back in a minute." And so saying he raced upstairs to raid the linen closet.

As soon as he was gone the two women turned to each other, and sharing one long look made their way into the kitchen to speak in hushed voices "How do you think he is?"

"I don't know dear." Martha ran a hand through her hair and sighed softly "He's obviously trying to pretend that everything's alright, but I imagine he's feeling pretty bruised and raw right now. It can't be easy meeting your mirror image."

She chewed her lip for a moment then continued softly "Yeah but that's the whole problem isn't it? When you look in a mirror everything is backwards, so the reflection staring back is really the opposite side of you."

The older woman dipped her head in acknowledgement "Yes."

Chloe paused for a heartbeat then began hesitatingly "Martha you know what's going to happen. If we don't tell him…." She trailed off uncomfortably.

"He might not notice." Martha put forward hopefully, but at the doubtful look in the younger woman's eyes, nodded reluctantly "That was silly. He's going to know, isn't he?"

"Yeah he is." She agreed heavily.

oOo

Smallville grabbed a sheet and blanket from the linen cupboard, stepped into his bedroom to pilfer a pillow and a spare change of clothes for the morrow, then made his way back down the stairs and dumped his bundle on the couch. Looking around he found the two women in a huddle near the kitchen sink obviously deep in conversation, and coughed to gain their attention. When they swung around the looks of unease on their faces caused him to smile reassuringly, but instead of relaxing they turned back to each other before one again swinging around to face him.

"Smallville sit down for a minute, your mom and I need to talk to you." Chloe gestured to the couch but Martha countered her suggestion.

"Actually let's sit at the table, we'll have some coffee and cake for supper." He could hear both their pulses fluttering and wondered why they were so nervous. They knew him, knew he wouldn't do anything to harm them so he couldn't understand their sudden agitation. Plus they'd only finished dinner a little over two hours ago, so his mom's suggestion of supper so soon afterwards was unusual. The only conclusion he could come to was that because Clark was no longer around they were wary of him, and thinking that could be the case his heart began to feel heavy.

He took a seat at the table, Chloe retrieved the cake, his mom poured them coffee and then they made themselves comfortable at the table with him. However, neither lady spoke. They shared fleeting eye contact, gave him swift searching looks didn't speak.

"Um, ok you said that you needed to talk to me." He asked quietly, hoping to put them at their ease.

Chloe took a deep breath, let it out slowly and nodded "You might have noticed that Clark left kind of abruptly?"

"Yeah but it is getting late and he probably just wanted to get ho…" His voice trailed off when both ladies shook their heads in the negative.

"No it wasn't that. Ok what I'm going to tell you has to stay between the three of us, deal?"

"Yes." He nodded at the serious tone in Chloe's voice, flicked his eyes in his mom's direction and saw a melancholy look on her face then he turned his attention back to his friend.

"Have you and Clark talked about your relationship with Lois?"

He shrugged indifferently "He knows that I'm engaged to her, he's told me about the night he eloped with Lana, but we haven't had a chance to exchange any other information, why?"

She puffed out her cheeks and sipped her coffee, once again exchanging brief eye contact with Martha "If he asks…no, I mean, god...please don't talk to him about it." She said softly.

He was taken aback at her request and also by the quick uncomfortable look that had passed between the two women "Why? He said that Lois was angry when he married Lana, but that was 8 years ago so I just assumed they'd made up." He replied in consternation.

"They did."

'Then …." His voice was cut off by his mom's question and Chloe's response, both giving him pause.

"Chloe are you sure that we should say anything?" Martha asked quietly; the sad resignation in her eyes clear to see.

"No but what choice do we have? If we don't, he's going to get one hell of a shock come tomorrow when Lois arrives." The older woman ran her fingers through her hair and nodded.

"What are you talking about?" He could hear the uncomfortable tone in their voices, and hoped that by asking outright he could put them at their ease.

Chloe turned back to face him, her voice quiet but clear "Clark's in love with Lois."

"He told me that he loves Lana, that he's happy with her." He frowned doubtfully.

"Did he actually say it?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Well no, he didn't say it but…"

"He won't Clark, sorry Smallville." Chloe quickly corrected herself "If the two of you were the same when you younger, then you must have told everyone how much you loved Lana right?" He nodded embarrassed "Well so did he, but he doesn't anymore. When anyone asks about his marriage, says how happy he must be; he'll nod and smile or change the subject. He'll do anything short of answering the question, but he won't say that he loves her, and he won't say that he's happy." She concluded in low tones.

"He told me the night he got married was the happiest night of his life." He replied with a small frown.

Chloe pursed her lips then pointedly asked "WAS the happiest night, what does that tell you?"

Smallville closed his eyes slowly at being gulled so easily "He was using the past tense." He replied, opening his eyes to see both women nodding sadly, but felt that he had to put forward another argument "But that's just the way people talk. They say this or that was the happiest, saddest day etc."

"True…" Chloe replied then asked casually "...are you happy with your Lois, do you love her?"

He grinned quick and bright and replied in a voice full of contentment "Yeah I do, Lo's just….she's just everything y'know. She keeps me on my toes and drives me crazy on a daily basis, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I've never been happier then I am right now…." He shook his head quickly and gestured with his hand "…I mean when I'm with Lo now, not now, now."

"It's ok I know what you meant…." She smiled reassuringly "...but do you see what I'm talking about? When you're happy or miserable Smallville you don't hide it, you never have. But Clark's become a master at pretending that he's happy, and hiding that he's not." She paused then asked softly "At any time did he actually say that he was content, pleased with his life now?"

His eyes took on an arrested expression, then he shook his head at his own naiveté "No, and when I asked him if he was happy married to Lana, if he regretted it…." He let out a soft sigh "He avoided answering the question."

"He won't answer it." Martha put in softly "I imagine the night he got married was the happiest night of his life, but that was a long time ago now and he's no longer a boy wishing for the moon."

"Ok but that doesn't mean he's in love with Lois, unless he's told you that he is." He knew that if he was married and in love with someone who wasn't his wife, he wouldn't feel inclined to open up and share the information.

Chloe's head shook violently back and forth "God no, he's never said anything, but when she arrives tomorrow you'll see for yourself."

"It's true sweetie. He tries to hide it but he can't." His mom confirmed unhappily.

"The two of you have discussed this?" He asked looking back and forth between the women.

"No one discusses it, your mom and I have never even mentioned it to each other, but we all know it. When her attentions elsewhere Clark looks at Lois like she's his last ticket into Paradise. But when he talks to her, although he's animated and attentive his eyes are kind of shadowed like he's trying to hide how he feels." Chloe sipped her coffee and gestured with her hand "This is the first time your mom and I have ever talked about it, and we only did so because you're here and she's arriving tomorrow."

"Does Lois know?"

Both ladies shook their head, but it was Chloe who spoke "I think Lois is the only one who doesn't know. Maybe she doesn't want to acknowledge that a friend, a married friend is in love with her, but I don't think it's that. She just doesn't seem aware of it."

He nodded in understanding "My Lois was the same way. Before we were together I was in love with her but all she saw was a friend, and because of that she was completely clueless to my feelings for her."

Martha's voice quietly dropped into the conversation "That's it exactly sweetie. To her Clark's a friend, the boy she used to know and tease. Plus she's also under the impression that he loves his wife, so she isn't aware of his feelings for her."

He rubbed the back of his neck, scrubbed his hands over his face "But Lois isn't here right now so why did he leave?"

"Because we were talking about her, because he knows that she's coming." Chloe replied candidly.

"Lois has come and stayed with me twice since returning to America. The first time was shortly after she returned, and when he saw her again..." Martha broke off and looked at the younger woman, leaving it up to Chloe to finish.

"Yours and Clark's lives diverged when he eloped with Lana right?" He nodded "So I'm assuming in your world Lois was also unconscious in the Medical Centre when Lana was engaged to Lex?"

"Yes."

"Ok, well a couple of months after that episode Lo left Smallville to travel, and she returned five years later…"

"Five." He cut in surprised, and at their nods pursed his lips "My Lois was only gone for two."

"Ours was gone for five. Anyway when she came back the two of us came here to stay with your mom for a few days, and Clark and Lana joined us for dinner that first night. Well when he walked into the kitchen and saw Lo, it was like the blinders were off and he was seeing her for the first time or something. I can't really describe it." She shrugged and turned to the older woman "Martha can you…."

He cut in before his mom could answer and both ladies heads swung toward him "It's ok Chloe I know what you mean. When I first came back after my training I saw Lois in Perry's office at the Planet, and that's exactly how I felt. I saw her and just knew that she was the woman I was meant to be with, that I had been waiting for."

She smiled faintly then continued quietly "Ok so take how you felt that day and put yourself in Clark's shoes. You meet someone again that you haven't seen in years. You were indifferent to her last time because you had other interests, but you're older now and this time you realise that she's the woman you want to spend your life with. However, you're no longer footloose and free you're married, so..." she broke off at the look on his face.

Smallville felt his stomach sink "God."

"Yeah, he saw Lo and looked…." She broke off and shrugged "I don't know; shaken I guess, and then he just seemed to shut down. But in the minute, no it was faster than that, the second or two before he closed himself off he was wide open, and everything he was feeling was right there on his face."

"Yes." Martha concurred sadly in agreement "Clark works the farm and although he's never said anything I don't believe he's completely happy doing it for a living, but I think that particular time he was happy just to have an excuse to be around Lois." She turned to Chloe and wasn't surprised at the younger woman's nod.

She pressed her lips together and gave an ironical smile "He was; I'm sure you remember when you and Lo were younger, although you were...well friends of a sort, neither of you went out of your way to spend time together." He nodded in agreement "Well this time he couldn't spend enough time with us, and believe me it wasn't just two old friends visiting that had his attention, it was Lois."

Martha nodded again and continued her narrative "The second time Lois came alone, and when I told Clark that she was coming he almost bounced around the place in agitation waiting for her to arrive. When she was here he was like a kid, smiling and excited, but when she left he was depressed for days afterwards." She wiped a tear from her cheek and let out a heavy sigh "We attended a party a few months ago for Oliver and it was the same then; he knew Lois was going to be there you see." She reached for a napkin and blew her nose "Normally he's fine. Not happy, not sad, not much of anything really, but when he knows that he's going to see her, when he spends time with her, and then when it's just over and she's not around anymore; those days are the most painful."

"Hell!" He rubbed his forehead and asked the next question "It can't be easy for Lana either, or have her feelings for him changed as well?"

"No they haven't. Lana loves him, and I'm pretty sure she knows the truth but just pretends not to see it." Chloe quietly replied then tried to explain so he wouldn't think Clark was insensitive to his wife "He's not blatant about it. He doesn't walk around Smallville ringing a bell telling everyone how he feels. It's just that he's normally so colourless and I think that's because he's suppressing everything, but when Lois is around he's totally different, he's…." She trailed off, shrugged and looked to Martha to help explain what she couldn't.

"He doesn't treat Lana badly honey, so please don't have that impression. He still tries to make her happy, he doesn't seek Lois out, he only sees her when she comes here or when we all get together. It's just an awful situation because he's married to Lana but in love with Lois." His mom remarked candidly.

He nodded then put forward the next suggestion "Maybe you could call Lois, tell her not to come."

"What would I say to her? I've already asked her to come, so how do I tell her not to now?" Chloe questioned sipping her coffee.

"And it wouldn't make any difference sweetie. If Lois doesn't come tomorrow he'll see her another time; this isn't something that's just going to go away." Martha said softly. "Today is the first time in a long time that I've heard my boy really laugh; be the Clark he used to be; the one I only see now when Lois is around. He tries to pretend he's happy, that everything's ok, but normally when he smiles you can see the sadness in his eyes. Today he met you and although you're engaged to Lois, he still enjoyed your company. My son's not mean spirited enough to resent you for being with Lois and I'm proud of him for that." Chloe nodded in agreement and grabbed Martha's hand giving it a quick squeeze before letting go.

"Well isn't this just great? Here I am engaged to Lois and I've been telling him that if I'd married Lana it would have been a mistake." He swore at himself silently "I was just rubbing salt in his wound."

"It wasn't your fault honey you didn't know." Martha reached out and held his hand.

He sighed deeply "I know mom, but I still wish I hadn't said anything."

"Smallville your mom's right, it wouldn't have mattered if you'd said anything or not. I asked about your life, your mom asked to see your costume. You didn't know how he felt about Lois when you told him you were engaged to her, and you didn't know he was unhappy with his life because no one told you, including him." He nodded slightly and reaching out Chloe picked up his free hand "We couldn't just ignore your life, nor ask you questions. Firstly we needed to know if only to see if there was something that could help us to help you, but also because it wouldn't be fair not to ask about your life and I don't think he'd want that anyway."

Martha nodded in agreement and blowing out a deep breath Chloe continued "He's going to hurt no matter what. This is just a little harder because I think for years he's thought of all the possibilities he's lost, all the opportunities he threw away. When he looks at Lois you can see it in his eyes. If only he hadn't rushed into marriage with Lana, if only he'd waited, finished college….." She raked a hand through her hair "….and now he's met you and you've told us about your life, what you do, the different choices you made." She swiped at her check impatiently "He's been confronted with his twin who did the training, who uses his powers openly to help others instead of skulking in the shadows, who's a respected Journalist and is engaged to marry the woman you both love. You're his mirror image. So although you look exactly like him, your life is the complete opposite to his." She reached for a napkin and wiped her cheeks "Today he's come face to face with his doppelganger, the man whose life is golden. He's seeing what his life could have been, what all the 'if onlys' could have amounted to; so right now he'll be hurting a lot more than usual."

"Shit!" He swore quietly and violently "Sorry mom…" he turned to offer an apology and found her silently weeping. Getting out of his seat, he went around the table, crouched down and hugged her "He'll be ok mom."

"I want my boy to be happy, that's all I ever wanted and I know that he's not." She sobbed softly into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Martha, I shouldn't have said anything." Chloe said in remorse reaching out to grasp the older woman's hand.

"It's not your fault dear; I know that you're right." She pulled back, framed Smallville's face with her hands and smiled tearfully at her son "Maybe seeing you will give him the impetus to do the training with Jor-el and become Superman in this world." She said softly, and hugged him hard before kissing his cheek "I think it will be good for him knowing that he can help people, use his powers openly without the risk of exposure; that alone will give him so much satisfaction."

He re-took his seat and reached for her hand "It will mom. Becoming Superman was the best thing I did. I still get to retain my privacy but with the added benefit of using my gifts to help others."

Martha pressed his hand then let go "Even though seeing you must hurt him, I'm not sorry that you came, not if it will help my boy have a better life, a happier life."

"I still wish I hadn't said anything about Lois at least."

"Clark, sorry Smallville, you didn't know how he felt so don't beat yourself up for what you said ok?"

He turned and smiled lightly at her admonition "I won't Chlo, but I can imagine how he feels and I'm still sorry."

Turning to the older woman Chloe reached out and patted her arm "And I'm sorry Martha, I shouldn't have said anything. It all just came out and unfortunately because I'm a writer, it sounded a lot more creative and a whole lot worse."

"Don't blame yourself dear, everything you said I've thought for years, and as you pointed out, seeing his twin, hearing about his life has made it real for him. But my son is a strong person and I don't mean his physical strength; he's strong where it counts, so I know that he'll be fine." Martha replied patting Chloe's hand in return.

"Mom why haven't you tried talking to him? You never shied away from talking with me about stuff before." He asked quietly perplexed.

Martha smiled softly with regret "I hate seeing my boy so unhappy, but he's a man sweetie and I can't force him to talk if he doesn't want to. If he ever opens up, even a little I'll be there for him but he doesn't."

Smallville smiled sadly in understanding; no matter what universe, Martha Kent was always the same and he reached over squeezing her hand in sympathy knowing that she was hurting for her son.

The conversation fell off as the three sat silently at the table, sipping their now cold coffee. Unable to contain his curiosity, and with the nights revelations that he'd just received, Smallville asked the question he needed to know the answer to; not just for himself, but for his twin "Is Lois happy with Oliver?"

"Yes." Chloe replied simply.

He nodded "I'm glad; I don't want her to end up alone, to never have anyone, so I'm glad."

"But it still must be hard for you knowing that the Lois in our world is with someone else." Martha probed gently.

His lips twisted, but unable to lie to his mom he bobbed his head and looked hard into the dregs of his coffee cup "Yeah, no matter what world I'm in, it's still hard to think of Lois with anyone except for me. But Clark's married here, so it'd be pretty selfish if I was gratified to find out that she was alone." He lifted his head and smiled faintly "I love my fiancée and her happiness is of first importance to me, so I imagine that Clark feels the same way. Regardless of his feelings for Lois I don't believe that he'd want her to be lonely and miserable, he'd want her to be happy." They agreed with his assessment and bobbed their heads in accord "Clark and Lois have lost their chance, and although I hate knowing he's unhappy I'm glad that she's not. I'm glad that she has Oliver." Then he quietly finished "The Oliver in my world is in love with my fiancé. He's lonely and unhappy, regretful that he left her, so it kind of balances out in a way."

"Your Oliver is in love with your Lois?" Chloe asked surprised.

"Yeah, it's kind of a farce really. He told me once, imagine if I'd married Lana and he'd walked away from Lois, and met her again when she with someone else. Then we both would have messed up our lives, but at least this way it's only him living with regret." Smallville paused and shook his head "And in this world that's almost exactly what did happen; Oliver left Lois, Clark married Lana, Ollie got Lois back and Clark's the one living with regret."

Chloe shook her head "This is just getting more and more weird." Martha nodded and sighed in agreement.

"Do you think I should tell Lois that I'm engaged to her counterpart in my world?"

The two women looked at each other and shrugged "I don't see why not. You're not the Clark that she knows, so she'll probably just think it's funny that the two of you are together." Chloe stopped and considered "Umm, no maybe you'd better not. If she thinks it's funny she'll probably tease Clark and that's the last thing he needs."

Martha and Smallville grimaced "I won't say anything, I'll just tell Lo that I'm single but we'd better fill Clark in without telling him why I'm going to lie to her, and if he's told Lana then he'll have to tell her to keep quiet as well." He stopped and ran his hand through his hair in agitation "Now it's not only weird but getting more and more complicated."

"I'll talk to Clark." Martha offered readily "I'll just tell him you're going to allow Lois to believe you're single because …." She shrugged helplessly "...because why?"

"Because you don't want to talk about your fiancé who you miss, and if Lois knows that you're engaged she'll just badger you with a lot of questions, which in turn will just make you more and more miserable thinking you're never going to see her again." Chloe rushed out.

The two stared at her in stupor "You're pretty good Chlo."

"Thanks." She preened in delight "My lying skills have been considerably buffed up since I became a full-fledged reporter." She paused and tilted her head "Ok, that just sounded wrong."

At that they all looked each other and sputtered in laughter. After the few cups and dishes were washed, the television was switched on for a little while and then goodnights were exchanged before everyone parted for bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Clark pulled his truck to a stop in the driveway of his house, saw that Lana had left the front porch light on for him, and laid his head on the steering wheel. He didn't want to go inside, he didn't want to go to bed and sleep beside his wife. He wanted to go to the fortress, where he could be alone with no one around. However knowing he had no choice in the matter he pushed open the truck door, climbed down and walked slowly from the car port to the front door, unlocked it, stepped inside, closed the door at his back and found the hall light had been left on for him as well. He walked down the hall, bypassing the bedroom and into the kitchen, reached into the fridge, pulled out a beer then took a seat at the kitchen table. But instead of drinking, he nursed the beer while his mind ran in circles.

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the irony his life had taken that day, but couldn't help wondering if someone was having a good laugh at his expense, while deliberately prodding at an open wound to enjoy watching him suffer with the pain. He'd been coping. He wasn't happy and didn't expect to be so ever again, but he'd learnt to live with the ache that had taken up permanent residence in his heart. Now he'd been thrown a completely new curve, and once again he'd have to roll with the punches, smile and pretend that he wasn't bleeding inside.

Today was the second time in three years that he'd been given a blow that he'd never forget. The first time was when he saw Lois after she came back from travelling; this time it was upon finding out his twin was engaged to her counterpart in his own world. He liked Smallville, which he supposed was conceited of him, but he was surprised that he didn't feel resentful or hateful towards his twin, he just felt weary in his soul.

He'd told Smallville that the night he got married was the happiest night of his life, and he hadn't lied; that night he really had been happy. He'd expected his life to just go from strength to strength, to get better with each passing day. He'd also said that he'd never forget a moment of it, and he hadn't lied about that either. Did anyone ever forget a moment of the biggest mistake they'd made in their life; one which they were still paying for, and would continue to do so until the day they died?

Smallville said that he would have envied him had he known about his marriage 8 years ago, and he knew that his twin had spoken the absolute truth. Once upon a time Lana had been all he'd wanted, everything. She'd been the focal point of his life, the one person he didn't think he could ever manage without, but now the tables were turned, and he coveted everything his twin had with an intensity unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

Today was a day that he'd never expected to have to face. He'd wondered about the 'if onlys' and 'what ifs'. He'd contemplated, dreamed, and imagined, but now it was a reality, and his heart grieved even more at the knowledge of all that could have been his, had he not been so implacable, so focused and unbending in his devotion to Lana.

He'd walked into the farmhouse, and had no sooner called out to his mom then he'd seen his twin, and been not only surprised but astounded to see another him. When Smallville stopped his recitation of his life upon learning of his marriage to Lana, then revealed that he was engaged to Lois, he'd felt a burning jealousy that had started deep in the pit of his belly before shooting straight to his heart.

At first he'd thought the parallel universe analogy had to be ridiculous. He'd seen Star Trek too, but that was only a show, only for entertainment. He'd never believed that alternate realities existed; which was not only stupid but short sighted off him. He was an alien for goodness sake! Not many people believed in aliens either, and the ones who did weren't usually the type that others took seriously, but he knew that aliens were real so why not alternate realities.

He was still ashamed of his momentary lapse earlier. When he'd helped to find the barrier he'd been tempted to sneak through in his twins place should he find it first, but he'd dismissed that notion almost immediately. He'd made his bed a long time ago and now he had to lie in it. No matter how unhappy and miserable he was, it wouldn't be fair to steal someone else's life just because he wanted to escape from his own.

He was 27 years old and he'd forgotten what happiness was. Eloping with Lana when he was still a wet behind the ears kid of 19 was the stupidest, most irresponsible thing he'd ever done. He remembered what being happy felt like. In the early days of their marriage he'd been almost delirious with joy, but it hadn't taken long for him to realise that his dreams of being with Lana, his fantasies of their life together, had never included day to day living.

He'd always imagined that he and Lana were above the norm, as being special, their love so sure and firm it would take them to the heights and beyond. Instead what he'd found was that his love for Lana was no different to any other teenager going through the same thing, but growing up and real life had a way of bringing out the truth that a person was blind to when they were just a kid with stars in their eyes.

He'd outgrown his love for Lana long ago, and could now see it for what it truly was; first love. Nothing more than an intense teenage infatuation, and because it was just that, because he was leaving himself open to hope and rejection to another for the first time, the emotions had been deep and the wounds more cutting.

He knew that his mom and Chloe hadn't only been surprised at his marriage, but more than a little apprehensive at his and Lana's haste. However at the time he'd finally had the one thing he would have given anything for; Lana Lang as his wife and he wasn't going to let _anything _dampen his enthusiasm. As far as he was concerned, for the first time in a long time he'd done something right. Usually he rushed in where angels feared to tread and fucked up royally; but this time although he'd rushed in, he knew that he'd finally gotten it right.

When Lois woke up the next day they'd all visited her in the Medical Centre, and at first she'd been just as surprised at their marriage as everyone else. His mom and Chloe had congratulated them; it couldn't be said that the wishes had been cheerful, but neither had they reproached them. Lex had been quietly angry with overtones of disgust, but Lois had more than made up for everyone else. Her surprise hadn't lasted for long before she began to rip into both him and Lana, raking them up one side and down the other.

At first he'd been hurt and stunned. He'd expected her to be happy for him. She knew how much he loved Lana, how miserable he'd been without her, but it hadn't been long before he'd been utterly ashamed. Most everything she said while not put in a polite or nice way had been right on the money, not that he'd been willing to concede that she was right at the time. He'd been wounded and angry, upset on his and Lana's behalf and argued back in their defence.

His mom and Chloe had barely spoken. He thought it was partly from shock, partly because they thought she was right, and partly because they were hoping Lois would stop if they didn't give her any fuel to kindle the fire higher. However, nothing was going to stop Lois from having her say and the conversation; actually the yelling had mostly included only him and Lois, until finally it was just Lois. Lana tried once or twice to put a word in here or there, but she was no match for Lois and unless directly addressed stayed quiet. He finally left with Lana when it was clear that she'd had more than enough.

It was well over a week before the ice was broken, Lois wouldn't come to the farm, and he and Lana avoided the Talon. His mom and Chloe didn't try to intervene, Lana was hurt and insulted, and not inclined to hold out an olive branch. He was hurt and upset but couldn't deny that although Lois had been brutal, her words scathing, she'd also poured out a lot of very valid anger at both of them.

In the end he'd gone to see her and they'd talked calmly and rationally; at first he wasn't sure if they would make up but they finally had. However, she didn't offer congratulations, she wished them luck; and when he asked, confirmed it was because she thought they were going to need it. When she left Smallville a short time later, their friendship while still slightly strained was on its way to being restored and he'd been genuinely glad about that.

Lois had tried to tell him countless times in different ways that he'd get over Lana but he'd refused to listen, and now he wished that he had. He'd been a boy, a mooncalf who didn't know the first thing about love. The only thing he knew was how to daydream, and as a result he'd latched onto the first girl he fancied convinced that she was it for life. But living with Lana and not just yearning for her, imagining the the two of them joyously together. No longer having snatches of happy conversation in between arguments and disagreements was different to marriage. Now there was no way out.

It didn't take him long to realise they had nothing in common and he'd just never taken the time to notice it before. Prior to their marriage they hardly ever conversed about something that wasn't to do with them; the state of their relationship, arguments about what he was hiding from her, or discussions and tears about why he didn't trust her. The few times that hadn't been the object of their conversation they were usually helping Chloe solve one mystery or another, and that's what they talked about. But he was no longer hiding anything, and now it was just the two of them.

They had been so smug, congratulating themselves on getting married instead of fruitlessly spending years apart. They talked about how lucky they were to know they belonged together; unlike so many people who wasted years being miserable and lonely looking for the right person and more often than not settling for anyone. They talked about how glad they were that even though they were young, they were old enough to know their own minds and hearts. They discussed and dissected every aspect of his origins and powers, had long talks about their hopes and expectations, but once all those topics had been exhausted they had little left to say.

This hadn't been a problem at first; they'd only been married a few months so everything was still new and shiny, exciting and thrilling. They were together and that was enough for both of them. They didn't finish college, they wanted to but they wanted a house more; so every penny was meticulously saved or carefully spent. They were living at the farm and although his mom was away more often than not, they wanted a place of their own; somewhere that was theirs, not his parents. So he worked the farm and Lana became a part time receptionist at the real estate office in town. Lex had sold the Talon before leaving Smallville and Lana had a little money from her share of it, but it certainly wasn't enough to put a down payment on a house and that was what they wanted.

Most every penny they made was banked, but running a farm was an expensive business as he soon found out. He'd heard his parents talking for years so he was aware it wasn't an easy life, but now he was the one paying the bills to keep the creditors from the door and the bank happy, while at the same time trying to save what he could for a house. But he didn't care because he was in seventh heaven. He was married to the girl he'd always loved, the girl he'd always wanted, the one person that was necessary to make his life complete. For the first time in his life he felt truly happy. He didn't need money, he didn't need things, he had the one thing he'd always wanted; Lana, and that was enough.

But slowly over time he came to realise that just having Lana as his wife wasn't enough. He'd never taken into account that if they had nothing in common, nothing to talk about, all he'd be doing for the rest of his life was looking at her; and no matter how pretty or attractive someone was, just looking at them not only got very boring very quickly, it certainly wasn't enough to build a lifetime on.

They'd been married for almost two years when he realised his feelings for Lana were dwindling, he no longer loved her as he always had. He read books, looked on the internet, researched as much as he could and found they all said the same thing. Once the glow was gone, the excitement had calmed, real life took up the reigns and now the relationship had to be worked at to last.

So he worked at it. He tried rekindling his feelings, tried being romantic, tried to dredge up excitement that he was married to Lana Lang. When they had sex he tried to put himself into the mindset of their first time. He did everything short of standing on his head, but instead of improving his feelings for Lana stayed on the downward slope, until whatever love he'd had for her was only a distant memory. By the time the third year of their marriage rolled around, he had to accept that he no longer loved his wife, the woman he was bound to, but worse still was the knowledge that her feelings for him were just as strong as ever.

He felt like a heel and a failure. He'd been so certain that he'd love Lana until the day he died, so determined to make her his, so confident they were destined to be together that for years he'd pursued, begged and cried for her to love him as he had her. But know he was faced with the truth; his love for Lana had as much substance as cotton candy.

He'd looked back on their relationship trying to figure out how he'd gotten it so wrong, and realised it was simply a matter of timing. His lack of taking the time to look beyond his image of her, to the person she really was. But marriage had a way of curing even the most besotted of people. Masks came off; the best side was no longer the only side shown or seen, and he was finally forced to acknowledge that Lana was nothing like the girl he'd imagined. He'd never been in love with her. He'd been in love with the idea of being in love, holding tight to it and refusing to let go.

He tried to put her back in the box he'd always had her in but couldn't. Tried to make her fit the mental picture he'd always carried but it was impossible. She didn't fit, she wasn't anything like he'd imagined. This should have been a good thing, a time of discovery and learning, getting to know her quirks and idiosyncrasies, but it wasn't because there was nothing there.

For the first 15 months or so of their marriage, Lana still had instances of annoyance or huffiness over one triviality or another, but when he got tired of catering to her moods and just ignored them, those instances became less until they were almost non-existent. It didn't take him long to realise that she had no reason to pout or sulk if no one was paying any attention to her, and wished that he'd noticed this years ago.

Once her moods stopped they ceased to argue almost altogether. At first he thought this was wonderful, they were at last in harmony, but he soon came to realise it was boring living with a parrot who pretty much agreed with everything he said. However at the same time he certainly didn't want to go back to the tiresome days of when she cried about the most of pointless of things, just to call attention to herself either.

It didn't make any sense. They used to argue all the time and he used to hate it. He didn't used to feel indifferent to her distress; he'd always tried to make amends. But when he thought back on their relationship he realised THEY hadn't argued SHE had. Lana had made demands and ultimatums. She'd cried and become sullen when she wasn't happy with his explanations. **She** had been the contentious person, not him. Because he hadn't wanted to lose her, he'd given her awkward speeches, trying to be conciliatory without being condescending, not doing anything to rock the boat and hurt her feelings or wound her in any way. But now that she had her answers, now that she knew everything there was to know about him, and now that he'd stopped indulging her fits of temperament; there were no more tears or outbursts, no more petty instances; there was nothing but insipid vapidness.

Lana hadn't worn the mask, he had. She'd been outspoken in her demands of honesty and persistent in her opinions. She'd been unbending in her attitude and behaviour. She hadn't tried to hide her true nature, he'd just refused to acknowledge the things he didn't like, when they didn't conform to the mental picture he carried of her.

He was the person who hadn't been honest. He was the one who hadn't shown his true self to her. Instead of arguing with her, he'd either stayed silent, agreed or tried to appease her. Rather than telling her to mind her own business when she demanded to know things that weren't her concern, he'd been penitent or tired to mollify her with soft words and whispered pleas.

He'd never shown her that he could be stubborn as hell. She'd never really seen his argumentative side. She didn't know that he could be just as rude as the next person when he was angry. It was only on the few occasions when he'd been riding high on redk that she'd seen him enraged and dangerous, cruel and inconsiderate. So all in all Lana had only been exposed to Clark Kent the peacemaker. The nice boy who'd suppressed his true nature just to keep the girl of his dreams happy. It wasn't her who'd been the phoney, it was him.

The only people who'd really seen and accepted his true nature, all sides of him were his parents and Lois.

Chloe was his friend, and she'd been a great friend, but much too forgiving of him at times. Unfortunately because of her crush on him she had him on a pedestal which became higher when she found out about his origins and powers. So although Chloe had been and still was a friend, she'd never seen him clearly. The similarity of the situation escaped him at the time, but no longer. Just as Chloe had him on pedestal, he in turn had Lana on one that grew with each passing year, and with every set back in their relationship. The more she'd been out of his reach, the deeper his adulation for her became.

Lois was the antithesis to all of them. Since she'd never been interested in him romantically, she hadn't bothered to wear a mask or pretend. As she hadn't been fascinated enough to care if he had secrets or not, she didn't get on his back about secrets either. Since he likewise didn't have any romantic notions towards her, he hadn't wasted time trying to charm her or being the gentleman; nor did he have to worry that she'd begin poking at him with questions. Due to all this he'd been able to relax his guard and be himself around her.

Lois knew that he was nice most of the time, but like everyone he also had moments of being churlish and bull-headed. They'd laughed together over inappropriate things, so she was aware that his sense of humour could be just as irreverent as hers, and on the occasions when he wasn't as nice or patient as usual, she'd given him a wide berth after metaphorically kicking him up the ass and having her say. However, she also didn't try to wheedle and cajole him to talking if he didn't feel like it, but neither did she hold a grudge and get her back up refusing to talk to him when he came round.

Out of the two of them Lois was the talker, and she was quite happy to chatter on indifferent to whether he was interested in what she was saying or not. She'd never been daunted or embarrassed when he didn't pay attention, nor had she been angry demanding his engrossment in the conversation. Other times they'd talk for ages, their conversation ranging from the serious to the ridiculous. Unlike Lana who for years subjected him to appeals and tears for his secrets, or Chloe who only talked about his powers and heritage once she found out about him, he and Lois talked about everything under the sun and he'd enjoyed that. It had felt good to talk with someone from his age group about something that wasn't related to him.

Lois and he argued and disagreed, were sarcastic and yelled, they laughed and joked, teased and hurt each other; but they didn't waste time sulking or refusing to talk to each other because of hurt feelings or bruised pride. He could argue toe to toe with Lois one moment and be laughing with her the next; and they could also apologise to each other when they were wrong. Lois, who for all her sarcasm and 'go to hell' attitude could admit when she was wrong and apologise for it; and he in turn didn't feel she expected him to go to her with hand on heart begging forgiveness. A sincere apology was enough, and then the matter was put behind them. The only time they argued and didn't resolve things straight away was after their yelling match over his marriage.

Lana was another matter entirely. Before her pettiness stopped, no matter what the disagreement he always came out of it the bad guy, the one expected to hold out the olive branch; and after he'd sufficiently grovelled and subsequently been forgiven for his latest transgression, it was only a matter a time before she was hauling him over the carpet for her next bitch session. He wished that he'd taken the time to notice this as well.

Lois had seen him clearly from the beginning; he'd stood naked in front of her in more than just the literal sense. She didn't know about his origins or his powers, but she knew him.

But Lois wasn't Lana, and it was Lana he was married to. He knew that she wasn't to blame for only seeing the parts of him that he'd allowed her to see, but it didn't help knowing that he was at fault for that as well.

If he'd behaved with Lana as he had with Lois, she would have run screaming from him years before. She wouldn't have been able to handle his argumentative stubbornness. She was much too serious minded to have taken his teasing or joking in stride, and his sarcasm would have plain shocked her. How in the hell had he ever managed to suppress all of that just for her, and why had he? He'd wanted her to love him but how could he expect he to when he only showed her that he was a passive wimp that she could lead around by the nose. He'd been her dancing bear for god's sakes, willing to do any tricks she wanted, in return for any treats she saw fit to bestow on him.

Finally realising all of this didn't help. He was bound to a wife he didn't love and had little to nothing in common with, but he firmly suppressed any frustration and discontent that he felt. He didn't want to wound Lana with harsh words; it wasn't her fault that he felt restless and trapped while she was still happily content. Their marriage had become a mixture of passive agreement and bland co-habitation on his part, and painstaking effort and love still expressed openly on hers.

His life was now one long never ending pattern. He hadn't left Smallville, hadn't accomplished anything. He worked the farm, they owned a small house in conjunction with the bank, and that was it. He'd never wanted to be a farmer full time; his dad had loved the life, but it had been bred into his dad's bones. He didn't hate it but found the routine dull and uninteresting. When they'd gotten married he didn't care what he did, he'd just revelled in knowing that Lana would be with him forever, and any occupation was fine so long as he could provide for them, but now he felt restricted and dissatisfied. When he left the farm he went home to the same routine of eating dinner, watching TV and going to bed.

At one time he couldn't imagine wanting anything more than being with Lana Lang and one day making her Lana Kent; going to bed together, making love and falling asleep with her in his arms. Yet like everything else their sex life had also become unfulfilling with longer periods between each act. He couldn't lie, he enjoyed sex but he wanted more than just sex; and knowing that he no longer loved his wife, the act was now nothing more than a release.

Most men, a lot of men could have sex with any number of women and still enjoy it thoroughly, but he wasn't built that way. For him sex went hand in hand with love, and it always had. If it hadn't he could have cheerfully tried to get it on with any number of girls after breaking up with Lana, but he hadn't been interested because it had never been just sex to him. Now it was.

Lana was his wife, she loved him, but knowing that he was now just using her for sex without any love involved caused him to feel disgusted with himself. That in turn led to him not wanting to have sex until he could hold out no longer, after which he'd once again hate himself for giving in to the needs of his body. He tried to make it good for her, but usually just wanted to get it done, and knew that more often than not they both came away from the experience disenchanted. What was even worse was that Lana must have picked up on his feelings, because she tried to spice up their life, but he found her attempts more than a little off putting and usually pretended to miss the signals she sent out.

She still told him that she loved him and he'd smile and say 'I do too' but he just couldn't get the words out. He couldn't say 'I love you', he'd tried, he'd honest to god tried, but just couldn't.

His life seemed to stretch out endlessly before him. Days working at the farm, nights sleeping beside a wife he didn't love, and a sex life that was not only unfulfilling, but superficial and mundane the few times they engaged in it. He felt stuck in a vicious cycle that had no end.

Lana at least seemed satisfied that everything was alright. She no longer tried to kick their marriage into high gear for which he was grateful. He hated himself for doing this to both of them, but pretending wasn't his strong suit, and faking emotions he didn't feel was nigh on impossible.

They'd been married for four years when the dreams started. At first they were sporadic. He'd have a dream then not have another for a week or two. Then they started coming more regularly; weekly then twice a week, until they became a nightly occurrence. At first he hated the dreams. They seemed to be mocking his unhappiness, taunting him with what he'd never have.

He dreamt of living another life; of learning to hone his powers, and travelling all over the world. Of finding his niche in life, the place he was always meant to be. Of using his powers openly to help people; and of meeting a woman that he'd known once upon a time, but this time knowing that she was the woman he was meant to share his life with. His dream self loved the woman with an intensity that he'd never felt before, but she didn't return his feelings. He dreamt of asking her out over and over and being rejected time and again. Feeling sad that she was unaware they were meant to be together, but happy that she was in his life. The woman's face was in shadow almost blurred, but he didn't ever try very hard to see past the veil that was covering it.

By now he knew that just as his dream self loved the woman, he did too; and although she was just a dream, his feelings for her were very real. It wasn't the same as when he used to dream of Lana. Back then he'd wake up and want to be with her, now it was the dreams that seemed real, and his real life that felt wrong and false. However, it was for that very reason that he didn't want to see the woman's face. He was scared to look at her. His life was already set, and he didn't want to see who she was only to meet her again one day, and know that it was far too late for them.

Then one night after dinner his mom called to tell him that Lois was back in America, and had invited herself and Chloe to stay at the farm for a few days. His mom loved Lois and she'd been thrilled at the prospect of having the two women come and stay with her. He saw Chloe every now and again, but her career kept her busy and as her free time was now limited, her visits had been few and far between. So all in all, he'd been looking forward to seeing both Lois and Chloe, spending time with two old friends; one of which he hadn't seen at all in a little over five years.

A few nights later he'd ushered Lana into the kitchen of the farm house completely unsuspecting that his life was going to be turned upside down and shaken. He'd seen the top of Lois' head for only one brief moment, then she'd looked up and his heart leapt into his throat. Here she was; the woman he'd been dreaming about, the woman that he loved. Lois was the woman in his dreams, and his heart knew it.

Time was such a funny thing. Many people talked of significant moments in their lives that changed their whole perspective, but afterwards couldn't judge how long it took to happen. He'd never experienced it before so had just put it down to the minds way of coping, but now he knew that it was true. In the blink of an eye his life was changed, but at the same time it seemed to take an eternity to happen.

He'd seen the top of Lois' head for a moment, and in that moment his life was the same way it had been for years, ordinary, routine and unsatisfying. Then the next moment Lois lifted her head and he saw her face and his life was irrevocably changed. It only took a moment from one event to the next, but in that moment the full magnitude of just what he'd recklessly and impulsively thrown away when he married Lana slammed into his heart and left him reeling.

After the first blow he'd kept his expression poker straight, hoping that his face didn't betray his thoughts or the churning emotions roiling in his heart and gut. It hadn't been easy for in that ephemeral instant of time, he forgot there were other people in the room. Forgot that his wife was standing beside him, forgot his mother and friend were standing beside Lois; she was all he could see. Then she smiled and that was when his senses returned. She came over to give him a hug; three steps was all it took from where she was to where he was standing, but before she'd finished taking the first step forward he'd managed to pull everything he was feeling tightly within himself and returned her embrace, hoping that he was showing nothing more than brotherly affection.

When she hugged him his arms had wrapped around her waist and he'd instinctively squeezed her closer, breathing in the scent of her hair, and holding on a little longer then politeness dictated, but he soon realised that she was hugging him back just as hard. It had been five years, they were friends and he thanked god that she didn't take his behaviour as anything more than a one friend being happy to see another after so long.

When Lois turned to embrace Lana he looked over and saw his mom and Chloe smiling at them. For a twinkling he thought he detected a look of sorrow on both their faces, but it was so fleeting as to be almost indistinguishable, and he realised his conscience was fostering feelings of exposure that couldn't possibly have been witnessed by any other.

He knew that night he'd been more attentive to Lois then he had been in the past, but couldn't help it. He was eager for every detail of her life, what she'd done and who she'd seen; he wanted to know it all. She was more beautiful than she had been years earlier, but it wasn't that he'd even noticed at first. It was her eyes. She'd lifted her head, their eyes had met and he'd felt her soul calling out to him. That was when he knew, she was THE woman, the one he was meant to be with. But if Lois had the same realisation she was either very good at hiding it, or good at denying it.

Lana had little to say at dinner. Although she'd never been an outgoing, gregarious person, it should have been natural for her to be curious about Lois' trip given how long she'd been away. The two women had somewhat made up before Lois had left, their argument long been put behind them. Yet if anything her enthusiasm appeared forced, and her welcome of Lois somewhat strained.

That night was also the first time in a long time that Lana tried to initiate sex, but he just couldn't give her what she wanted. He told her no, he told her he was tired, he told her that he wasn't in the mood, but nothing seemed to appease her, and in the end he felt like an utter swine when she fell asleep crying at his refusal. Lana had long since stopped trying to reach out to him physically, usually she waited for him to turn to her, but that night all he could see was Lois' face, all he could feel was the shock that was still reverberating through him that she was the woman in his dreams, and not even to comfort Lana could he pretend to want her, because in his heart it would have felt a betrayal of Lois.

Chloe and Lois stayed for a week before returning to Metropolis, and he spent every day in their company grateful that he had the excuse of having to work the farm to be around. Lana spent some time with them but was usually either at work, or diligently busy with one project or another that she'd taken up as her latest hobby. When the two women left their contact was once again limited. Lois was busy carving out a career at the Planet, and he didn't attempt to keep in contact with her. Now that he knew exactly what he'd lost, what his youthful headstrong impetuousness had cost him; he didn't want to see Lois because it was just too painful.

He was legally bound to another. Although he didn't love Lana, they were married. If she ever asked for a divorce, said that she wanted a separation, found someone else, he would let her go and be free, but she never did. She still told him that she loved him, and the worst part of it was that he could see she truly did. Knowing that his dogged pursuit of her, and his subsequent change in feelings wasn't her fault, he felt that to leave her would not only be wrong but totally dishonourable.

He now felt not only unfulfilled with his marriage and life, but wracked with guilt and heartache. Now when he dreamed he looked at the woman's face and saw Lois. He'd wondered at first if he was projecting Lois onto the woman but knew that he wasn't, it had always been her.

After Lois and Chloe left he returned to the fortress for the first time in five years. He'd turned his back on his heritage when he married Lana, and as he'd promised not to do as Jor-el wanted he'd never returned.

The one time he'd asked Lana to release him from his promise, to allow him to go and do the training she became almost hysterical. She was truly frightened that someone would catch him, use him as a lab rat, possibly kill him; unknowingly she played on all his fears. He didn't like the impediment, but he couldn't blame her for it either. Lana had never coerced him to promise, he'd done so freely, and as he'd learnt from his father that a man's word was his bond, he wasn't prepared to break it no matter how much it chafed. He still helped others but only when he was in the vicinity and felt heartily ashamed that Oliver had been right. He hadn't gone looking for trouble, he'd waited for it to come knocking on his door.

When he walked into the fortress it felt both strange and comfortable. It hadn't changed at all, it was exactly the same as he remembered, but he was just as much in awe of it then as the very first time he ever entered it.

He didn't call out to Jor-El. He didn't want to call attention to himself, so just quietly walked in and looked around, and it wasn't long before he started coming daily. As the fortress was huge with rooms upon rooms, he chose two connecting rooms at the very back that had the space the size of a small apartment, and this became his private sanctuary.

Because the fortress was made of ice the first thing he had to do was fortify the walls, floors and ceilings by creating a bulwark between the ice, and the interior of the rooms to ensure no damp seeped in causing the furniture to rot. He checked out all the various materials that would satisfy both his requirements and pocket, and once decided upon ordered online what was needed.

He settled on Tecnosiding, it was a PVC vinyl building material that didn't need to be painted and was especially good for protection from moisture which was his primary concern. It was also lightweight enough that it wouldn't cause any lifted brows when he told the manufacturer that he intended to install it himself. He'd specified exactly what he wanted, and when it was ready asked for it to be delivered to his home when Lana was visiting with her aunt, then simply flew it all to the fortress at night.

The insulation underlay protection he'd purchased was installed first, then the tecnosiding and once done he was gratified that due to the light colour, the rooms still looked nicely sized. He didn't expect either product to last the 50 years that had been advertised, it couldn't in the location he was using it, but it would hopefully last for a few years and he had to be content with that.

He felt guilty but wasn't going to let that stop him. He needed somewhere he could go, a place that no one else was privy too. Just one place that he could put the treasures he wanted around without fear of discovery or condemnation, and this was it.

He wanted the rooms to look as close to his dream apartment as he could, so took his time scouring reject and thrift stores all over the country. Most everything was old or had slight factory flaws, but it had all been relatively cheap and filled his requirements so he couldn't ask for more. When it was finished he stood back to survey the results and couldn't stop the warmth from settling around his heart. It wasn't perfect but looking around he felt like he was standing inside his dream apartment, and for the first time in a long time he felt right. This was where he belonged.

It was unlikely the fortress would be found by anyone but he had to plan for any contingency, so he created a doorway as cleverly concealed as he could make it that led to an antechamber. If anyone should happen upon the fortress, and then found the doorway, his rooms would still be safe from seeing eyes as it appeared the antechamber led nowhere except to yet another passage of ice. This would still give him the privacy he needed if anyone should happen upon the fortress by accident. He couldn't do anything else to conceal that which he wanted to hide, and in the end had to be content with what he'd done.

The only thing that didn't fit between his sanctuary and the apartment were his journals and Lois' articles. While Lois had been travelling, his mom had kept him and Lana up to date on what she was doing, so he was aware that she'd travelled for two years before taking up permanent residence in London to become a reporter for the next three years. He managed to track down as many articles as he could find that she'd written and enjoyed each one. Her style became more polished and professional with each article, the tone fluid, drawing the reader in no matter how grim or light-hearted. He might have thought he was biased if not for the fact that she'd won an award for an article on the breaking of a drug cartel in Italy, and then won a second award within a year of working at the Planet.

His journals were the only place other than in his mind and heart that he ever acknowledged his love for Lois openly. He poured out his feelings, documented his dreams, capturing every detail no matter how small. And it was in his journal that he first admitted that although he knew their marriage was his doing and his fault entirely, he couldn't help but resent Lana, and at times almost hate her for being there; for being the one obstacle that kept him from Lois.

Seven months after she returned to America, Lois once again came to spend the weekend at the farm with his mom, and as was customary he and Lana joined them for dinner. He recalled every moment of that night, how could he forget it? It would have been funny if it hadn't been so damned farcical.

They had all just sat down at the table when there was a knock on the front door, and when he'd opened it, he was delighted to find Oliver Queen on the doorstep. He greeted his friend, had a few minutes friendly catch-up conversation, and then invited him to stay for dinner.

"Oliver, it's good to see you, come in." He smiled, shaking the outstretched hand.

Oliver smiled, shook his hand and patted him on the back "Hi Clark, it's good to see you too. I stopped by your house but when I saw that it was dark, I figured you might be at your moms. I hope you don't mind that I just dropped by?"

"Of course not; look we've just sat down for dinner, why don't you join us?"

"I'd like to if I'm not intruding."

"No it'll be good, come on." He led the way to the dining room calling out, "Hey everyone guess who's here."

As soon as they stepped inside the room, Oliver and Lois stared at each other, then quickly apologised when he cleared his throat.

"Oh I'm sorry, hi Mrs Kent, Lana." Oliver greeted the two ladies who smilingly greeted him back, before turning to the third woman in the room "Hi Lois."

"Hi Oliver, um, I'll just get you a plate."

"That's ok Lois; I'm already up so I'll get it." He waved her back to her seat and stepped into the kitchen to retrieve a plate, glass and cutlery; then stood at the sink for a moment and stared blankly outside the window. Oliver wanted Lois back. He could see it, but even if it wasn't obvious he'd heard the man's heart kick hard upon seeing her, and he'd noticed the slight flush of Lois' skin at their entrance; a flush that hadn't been there prior to Oliver's arrival.

There was nothing he could do. Lois was a single woman, she was free to date whoever she wanted; but god it hurt. Last time she'd dated Oliver he hadn't cared as long as his friend treated her right. Now he had to watch, be a silent witness while his friend charmed the woman he loved. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, hoping to hell the night would soon be over but his wishes were in vain.

He heard Oliver smoothly ask Lois if she was still single, heard him offer the same information of his unattached state, and had just stepped back into the dining room to hear her response.

Lois nodded and laughed "Thanks for the information, but I already knew it."

"How'd you know?"

"Because I always keep an eye on my ex's..." she replied drolly "Ollie you dill, by all the magazine articles that point out that you're a rich single bachelor." She grinned and gestured to a seat "Now sit down before you embarrass yourself any further."

"Oh huh, yeah." Oliver gave a light chuckle and took a seat beside her.

Dinner was interminable. Although everyone conversed with each other, he was well aware that Oliver's attention was mainly focused on Lois. Even when he was talking with someone else, if Lois asked for something to be passed or began to reach out for one thing or another, Oliver would hand it to her with a quick smile.

After his mom went to bed, the four of them sat in the lounge room catching up with each other. Being a witness to Oliver and Lois during dinner and afterwards, he was finally seeing them as they must have been as a couple. He'd only been around them once or twice the last time, but hadn't paid much attention as his mind had been too full of Lana. But now he was truly seeing them and couldn't help but envy their lively easy association. Unlike his and Lana's youthful relationship which had been bogged down by misery and heartache, theirs seemed fun and somewhat playful. The two of them laughed, talked and teased each other while still trying to include everyone in on the repartee, and it appeared to partially work. Lana was animated, making sportive comments and encouraging them to talk of their past, but he couldn't enjoy it because he knew that Oliver intended getting Lois back, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

When Oliver was leaving he escorted him to the door and asked why he'd come. His friend mentioned the Justice League, and hoped that he'd changed his mind about joining them. He was truly sorry when he had to refuse. He tried to explain Lana's fears and his promise to her without condemning of either of them, and in the end he had to be content with ensuring Oliver knew that should the JLA ever need him urgently, they only had to call and he'd go to their aid.

Oliver didn't try to make him feel guilty. He'd agreed that it wasn't an easy life, and could understand any woman's reticence in wanting her husband to get involved with it. But despite what he was saying Clark knew that his friend was disheartened by his refusal, and felt not only the burn of his conscience, but the heaviness on his heart for his promise to Lana.

When he stepped back into the lounge room it was to find Lois with a contemplative look on her face, and the light of battle in her eyes.

"Clark, did you ask Oliver to come to dinner tonight?" Lois asked point blank, as soon as he entered the room.

He was surprised by her question "No, I wasn't expecting him."

"You weren't trying to set us up?" She asked pointedly.

"What? No, I wouldn't do that." He denied swiftly and honestly; suppressing a groan that she'd think he'd ever torture himself with the spectacle of watching another man trying to captivate her.

"Sorry, I jumped the gun because you got Ollie and me back together the last time, and then he shows up here tonight while I'm visiting so I just assumed ..." She trailed off, abject apology in her eyes quickly replacing the heat that had been there moments before.

"Lois I wouldn't try and throw you and Oliver together, I promise." He returned with complete sincerity. He noticed that Lana was quiet, and hoped that neither lady could hear the pounding of his heart.

"Thanks and sorry again." Lois smiled and waved her hand in apology "Sometimes my married friends try to set me up, so I've become a little suspicious."

"I wouldn't do that." He replied flatly then pointed out the obvious "But Oliver did seem interested, and you appeared to enjoy seeing him again."

She chuckled lightly "I did, when he walked into the room I was taken back to when I first met him. It was a nice feeling of nostalgia but that's all it was on both our sides, nothing more."

"So if he asks you out, what'll you say?" He asked as offhand as possible.

She shrugged indifferently and he was left wondering if this was a good thing or not, but his heart felt heavy just the same. On the drive home and while they got ready for bed, Lana chatted about this or that without once mentioning either the dinner or their surprise guest, for which he was grateful. He didn't want to talk about Lois and Oliver. He wasn't sure if he could keep up the casual indifferent façade that he'd had to project all night.

That night he lay in bed unable to sleep. His mind refused to shut down, churning over and over with one revelation after another. Seven months ago he'd been confronted with two truths in the space of a moment. The moment of clarity when Lois returned and he realised that she was the woman in his dreams, was swiftly followed by an epiphany. He'd ALWAYS known that she was the true possessor of his heart. That knowledge had bitten deep into his soul and it still hadn't let go. The despair in finally admitting something that he'd always known, but didn't want to face when he was younger so he'd run away from it back to what was familiar, his love for Lana; had been the lowest point in his life.

For the past seven months he'd had to live with the fact that he'd blithely thrown away his future for his present. Years ago when he and Lois had been under the influence of redK, she'd told him that _**she was his future**_; innocently revealing a truth that neither of them had been prepared for. At the time he didn't what to hear it so he'd replied _**this is the present**_ then he'd kidnapped Lana leaving Lois behind. If he had stopped at just that night his life could have been salvaged, but he'd still only been living in the present when he married Lana. Despite all his big speeches and grandiose ideas about the two of them being destined, the truth was he hadn't cared about the future. Just the fact that even high on redK; when he was at his most arrogant and insolent he still HADN'T disputed Lois' claim, proved that he knew she was right. He'd brushed Lois off, but he'd never said that she was wrong, because even then he knew that she wasn't. But he hadn't cared. **All** he'd cared about was getting what he wanted, and that point in his life all he'd wanted was Lana, and as far as he was concerned the future could go hang.

So he'd married Lana, and then he met Lois again, and now it WAS the future; but it was far too late for him. He'd carelessly tossed his future away when he'd been nothing more than a selfish boy living in the present, intent only on getting what he wanted. Was it any wonder that his life was now fucked up and he had to live with the consequences?

It hurt like hell to know that he'd brought this on himself, that his uncompromising stubbornness when he was younger had cost him any chance of a future with Lois. It hurt to know that he could never be the man that would make her happy. He would never have the right to call her his own. Lois would never be his, because he'd already sealed his fate.

When his mom had told him a week ago that Lois was coming to stay for a few days, he couldn't suppress the joy at knowing he was going to see her. His mind had begun to churn with ideas of what they could do to make her visit more enjoyable. He wanted to spend time with her but didn't want her to feel crowded. Yet he hadn't seen her in seven months, and he just couldn't settle at the prospect of spending time alone with her. He'd waited impatiently for the days to pass quickly until she arrived, and finished as many chores as he could beforehand so that his time could be spent with her. When she'd driven into the yard he'd desperately tried to act nonchalant hoping that she hadn't noticed he was all but eating her with his eyes. He'd smiled and waved casually, returned her hug, and suppressed the groan of holding her in his arms and feeling her body pressed against his.

That day they'd done nothing more than chat and catch up on what each had been doing since her last visit, but just spending time with her, being around her was more than he'd had in months, and he'd revelled in every moment of it. He'd looked forward to Lois' visit all week, but now his enjoyment was gone. He knew that if Oliver had his way, Lois would once again be his. But since there was nothing he could do about it, he resolutely pushed it from his mind determined to enjoy the few days she would be there. Once she was gone he kept himself busy with farm chores, pushing everything but whatever work had to be done far from his mind, but couldn't stop the feeling of deflation Lois' lack of presence had left. She was gone as quickly as she'd come, and now he had to get used to her not being around again until her next visit.

After she left their contact was again sporadic and it was eight months later when his mom mentioned that Lois and Oliver were dating. He'd felt his stomach drop at the news and after saying that he was happy for them, he left the dining table with the excuse of filling the water jug. He'd stood at the kitchen sink and once again stared outside the window. He'd known it was coming from the night Oliver had arrived at the farm unannounced, but having it confirmed hurt. He wanted Lois to be happy, he didn't want her to live a life of solitude, he only wanted good things for her; but he wished more than anything that he could be the man to supply it. When Lana called out to him, he closed his eyes tight and returned to the dining room with the water, hoping that his despondency wasn't reflected on his face.

He'd gone to see Chloe and casually pumped her for information, then listened quietly as she told him about Lois' relationship with Oliver, and couldn't stop the misery from invading his heart. Lois belonged with him. It wasn't because of the dreams or wishing things were different that gave him that knowledge, it wasn't even his love for her; he just knew. But Lois didn't know. For her the saying 'what you've never had, you'll never miss' was true. Not so for him, he'd thrown their potential away and now he had to keep the knowledge of what they could have had to himself.

It was only after her second visit he realised that while Lois was visiting, the dreams stopped and only resumed once she was gone again. As soon as he went to sleep the dream would start. It was almost like watching a TV show about his life, each episode only to be viewed the next time he slept. They had a sequence to them, each one telling a story of his life.

For the 9 months before Lois returned the dreams showed him learning to use his powers constructively, travelling, helping others, and working beside a woman he loved. The dreams continued in this fashion for the next 15 months after she returned, but then they began to change. He no longer had to be content with loving Lois from afar. They showed him convincing her to take a chance on him, and every detail of their relationship; fights both big and small, her falling in love with him and of them moving in together. They worked beside each other during the day and slept in each other's arms at night. His dream self had never felt more right, more at peace, absolutely content that she was his.

Shortly afterwards he decided to revamp his apartment in the fortress. He wanted it to be like the one in his dreams, and as it had changed after Lois moved in, he wanted it to look like their apartment. It took him months to fix the rooms exactly as he wanted, tracking down furniture and bedding, knickknacks and paintings, but he knew how it had to look and wasn't inclined to rush. By the time he'd finished the rooms were almost a duplicate of their apartment in his dreams. Photos of friends and family were scattered here and there, and photos of him and Lois together. He'd taken some individual snapshots of them to a photo-shop, had them spliced and put together again so they looked like a couple; and those were the ones he loved best. Those were the ones that reminded him of his dreams, and the life he wished they could have built together. Not that his conscience didn't prick, but he felt that he was entitled to some happiness however manufactured it was. His apartment now became a fortress inside a fortress.

If the dreams didn't feel real he could have forgotten them, brushed them off, but every emotion, expression, touch and action felt real. They felt like they _should_ be his life, so much so that he often woke up expecting to find Lois in his arms, but when his eyes opened and he turned over to see Lana asleep beside him, the disappointment he felt was just one more ache for his heart.

The only part of the dreams he hated was the spectre in the background; everything was in the light, but the phantom was in shadow. It had always been there, hovering, somewhat unnoticed, but there just the same. Now he knew with a certainty that was chilling that it wanted to take Lois from him, to separate them and he was scared of it. Every morning when he woke up he determined anew that no ghostly spectre was going to frighten him, and he believed it until he went to sleep and dreamt again.

He didn't see Lois for almost two years after her last visit. Her life was now busy with work and Oliver, and their contact had dwindled to an exchange of cards for birthdays and Christmas. So when they received an invitation to Oliver's birthday party he'd looked forward to seeing her again, but when she called asking if they were attending, he'd been surprised because he didn't know that Lana hadn't responded. When Lois mentioned they could stay at Oliver's apartment since it was big enough to accommodate a number of people, then tacked on that his mom was staying there for the night, he realised she thought they hadn't replied because they didn't have the wherewithal to afford a hotel room.

He assured her that he and Lana would be attending, thanked her for the offer of inviting them to stay at Oliver's place, but said they would stop at a hotel for the night, and lied with the excuse of not replying by saying they hadn't received the invitation as yet; teasing her by pretending to feel snubbed by not being invited to the party. She'd promptly riposted back, sham outrage in her voice and the two of them had laughed before hanging up. However, when the call ended his amusement fled and he demanded to know why Lana hadn't replied to the invitation with a prompt yes.

Her excuse of being busy was more than a little weak and they ended up fighting. Lois was already lost to him; she was now with someone else, someone who was a friend. Which hurt even more than if Oliver had been a stranger. He'd barely seen Lois since her return. He hadn't sought her out, hadn't called urging her to visit more often; she'd been back for over two and half years and he'd seen her twice. He was angry, furious at Lana for not responding to Lois' invitation, and almost taking away his chance of spending whatever time he could with her.

They ended up yelling at each other, neither of them making much sense and before he knew it they were in the bedroom rolling around almost tearing each other's clothes off in their haste. The sex had been good there was no denying that, but he was bitterly ashamed. It wasn't Lana he'd been thinking of. He still had Lois' voice in his ear, Lois' face behind his eyes and it was Lois that he'd been making love with.

He and Lana still shared the same bed and usually pecked lips or cheeks before turning out the light, but even when they had sex; as soon as it was over they each moved to their respective sides to sleep. They'd been sleeping like that for years, and once the dreams began the space he'd needed from her became almost essential.

Things had definitely changed since the night they got married. For the first 16 months or so, they either slept in each other's arms or very close together. However, slowly over time as dissatisfaction with his life and marriage increased, he began to move further away until there was now almost an ocean of space between them when they slept. He was well aware that it was his fault. Lana had tried to bridge the distance, tried to touch him, have him hold her, but he'd told her that he liked his space when he slept, and eventually she'd stopped trying. She'd been hurt at first and he'd felt like a bastard, he was a bastard but he'd needed distance from her, and as he was bound to her legally this was the only distance he could attain.

But that night for the first time in almost five years they fell asleep in each other's arms, and the next morning he'd woken up feeling guilty as hell for thinking of Lois while having sex with Lana. He'd stared silently at the ceiling recalling a morning only a few months previously when he'd likewise woken up with a heavy heart. He'd dreamt that Oliver had tried to take Lois from him; steal her, and in his fear he'd hurt Lois and driven her away from him. When he'd opened his eyes, turned over and found Lana asleep beside him, for a heartbeat he'd believed that in his despondency of losing Lois, he'd turned to another. Reason had quickly reasserted itself, before he carefully slipped out of bed, dressed and left for the fortress then sat in his apartment and cried.

As always the dream had felt real, the emotions and intensity, the despair he'd felt that Lois was lost to him was still echoing through his heart. He'd furiously written every detail of the dream in his journal hoping to purge himself of all feeling, and once done switched the CD on to play, lay down on the bed and fell back asleep. He didn't dream a second time and was grateful. His sleep had been restful and when he awoke two hours later, he felt calm enough to wipe his face clear of any expression, and head to the farm for another day. But for the following three days he couldn't even pretend to be happy, all he could feel was an aching sense of loss. He'd gone to sleep each night hoping that everything would be ok again, but woke up each morning with a heavier heart than the day before. He could feel the self directed anger, the despair and anguish his dream self experienced at not only hurting Lois, but in driving her away. Then on the fourth morning he woke up with a lighter heart, able to smile again. In his dreams Lois was his; and the previous night his dream self had gotten her back.

This time he didn't get any such revelations, he didn't have any dreams that could make him feel despondent, but he did all the same. All he could feel was shame and guilt. It wasn't the first time he'd thought of Lois when he and Lana had sex, and he hated himself for it each time. When she began to stir he pretended to be asleep, hoping that she didn't know he'd been thinking of Lois the previous night. Whether he loved her or not, she didn't deserve to be hurt like that.

For the next few days he thought of how he could tell Lana that he was unhappy, wanted a separation, but when he tried to broach the subject she seemed didn't seem to understand what he was trying to say. He believed that deep down she was fully aware of his dissatisfaction with their marriage, but he knew that she had a propensity for not facing the things she didn't want to; he used to be the same way but not any longer. However, he didn't push the issue. Lana still told him that she loved him, she looked after him, she had done nothing to warrant his wounding her unnecessarily, so he let subject drop and clamped down on his feelings of discontent.

A week later they attended Oliver's birthday party. He stepped into the room, automatically searched for Lois and found her near the bar talking to Chloe. His eyes drank her in as his heart settled in peace at seeing her again. He'd waited for this night, it was finally here and he thought she looked absolutely beautiful.

The dress she was wearing was sleeveless, the colour of deep rich chocolate. The square neckline and sleeveless design framed her upper chest and shoulders, the cinched in waist with the gathering to just under her breasts outlined her figure. The dress hit mid knee drawing his eyes down her sleek toned legs, to find her feet shod in the most decadent sexy shoes he'd ever seen. All he could think was they were high and glittery, and focusing carefully he was able to see that she'd painted her toe nails to match the dress, and he felt his mouth water at the sight. Sweeping back up, his eyes moved over her hair which was partly piled on top of her head, to the long glittery earrings that flashed and sparkled with each movement, as she nodded emphatically to whatever Chloe was saying. Her outfit showcased her figure, the neckline of the dress, her hair and the earrings drew the eyes to the long line of her throat and framed her face, and he felt his heart kicked hard at the combination of sex and modesty she presented. When she turned, saw them, smiled and waved, the breath caught in his throat.

He hadn't forgotten one detail, but looking into her eyes again he felt himself get lost. She was his Lois, the one that loved him in his dreams, and he had to swallow hard at the flash of déjà vu that washed over him.

When the two women walked over to greet them, the floaty material of Lois' dress flirted with her knees causing him to swallow hard once again, and hope that the smile on his face was friendly instead of possessive and aroused. After greetings were exchanged Lois towed his mom off to chat with her dad, Uncle Gabe and a few other people in their group, calling over her shoulder for Chloe to take him and Lana to Oliver; laughingly telling him that she was sure he'd be happy to see some old friends.

And she had been right. On the other side of the room they found Oliver and he'd had the pleasant surprise of seeing his friends from the Justice League, but the pleasure he felt at seeing them was bittersweet at best. He enjoyed catching up with them all; chatting and laughing about the old days, proud and fascinated with the things they'd accomplished, but at the same time he wished anew that he'd followed the path Jor-El had wanted for him. However, it was now far too late. His life was fixed and regret had become his constant companion.

He wanted to ask Lana to release him from his promise again, but knew it wouldn't do any good. The last time she'd begged and cried, pleaded until she was almost sick; she just wasn't rational about it. She was truly frightened for him, and knowing that he couldn't love her as a husband should, accepting that this was the only thing she asked from him, he felt that this was something he could give in to her on; no matter how much he hated it.

Pushing thoughts that could only depress far from his mind, he decided to enjoy the party and spend time with friends that he hadn't seen in a long time. The music was romantic and dreamy, the decorations tasteful and colourful, waiters moved through the throng serving hot and cold nibbles. There were chairs, couches and tables; it was all a nice hodge podge of the tasteful and the unconventional. The booze flowed, the food was abundant, and the noise level was a nice buzz without being overly loud.

When the dancing started he watched as Lois was led onto the floor by Oliver, and felt envious at their easy familiarity with each other. He danced with his mom, Lana and Chloe, a few other women, but even while he made small talk with his partners, his attention was wholly focused on Lois. He watched as she danced with each of his male friends in the Justice League, her dad, Uncle Gabe and others. He wanted to dance with her but didn't approach her for a request. He was here, so was she and that was enough.

But when Lois and Oliver approached him and Lana with the request that the two couple switch partners for a dance, he didn't even try to refuse. She and Oliver had been dating for almost 18 months, and the indications pointed they were a permanent set. Oliver's face bore the look of a man in love, a man not inclined to let Lois go anytime soon. Lois was harder to read. She was certainly happy with Oliver, that was more than clear but she'd always kept her emotions well guarded, so he couldn't read just how deep her feelings for his friend went. Either way he wasn't taking any chances, if she and Oliver stayed together, got married then this would probably be his last chance to hold her while she was still single, and he wasn't going to give up the opportunity of holding her in his arms while he could.

They danced quietly and as the band segued into the next song, he couldn't help thinking how fitting it was, and silently sang along in his head:

_You give your hand to me and then you say hello  
And I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so  
And anyone could tell, you think you know me well  
But you don't know me_

_No you don't know the one who dreams of you at night  
And longs to kiss your lips and longs to hold you tight  
To you I'm just a friend, and that's all I've ever been  
No, you don't know me_

_For I never knew the art of making love  
Though my heart aches with love for you  
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by  
The chance that you might love me too_

_You give your hand to me and then you say good-bye  
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy  
To never, never know the one who loves you so  
No, you don't know me_

He closed his eyes recalling the times they'd danced together in his dreams; sometimes laughing and teasing, other times talking, while others just moving quietly to the music. But no matter what their mood, just being together, being in each other's arms was enough. He inhaled her perfume, and had to stop himself from wrapping his arms tight around her, stop from leaning down and pressing his lips against hers. A moment later he came back to the present when they bumped into another couple, and after exchanging laughing apologies she smiled at him "This is nice."

"Yeah it is." He smiled in return.

"It's kind of funny huh? Eight years ago you and I were licking our wounds over our respective failed relationships; although you were more public about it than me." She teased and chuckled at his grimace "And here we all are, you and Lana are married, and Ollie and I are back together again."

"Hmm, I thought you said it was just nostalgia, that you weren't sure if you'd go out with him if he asked." He reminded her casually.

"At first I wasn't sure; I'd already been burned by Ollie once and wasn't looking to do it again, so when he asked I said no but he's just too charming." She grinned and shook her head back and forth "He wouldn't give up, and then one day I realised that he wasn't going to go away, and I missed him when he wasn't around. I'm glad now that he was so persistent."

"Do you love him?" He asked quietly, and felt his heart squeeze tight when she nodded.

"Yes, but not in the way that you love Lana. You believed you were meant to be together and fought to make it happen. I don't actually believe in that stuff, I think you make your own destiny." She shrugged and smiled "Ollie and I enjoy each other's company, he makes me happy and says I do the same for him; and for us that's just...right, y'know?" She asked softly.

He nodded once again and they continued to dance in silence. His cheek rested against her hair, his eyes once again closed but flew open almost immediately when he heard the amusement in her voice

"So tell me, are you still into wearing green leather?" She teased.

"What…I…what?" He replied flustered.

"Don't you what me." She chuckled then lowered her voice a notch "Ollie's told me all about you pretending to be the Green Arrow for him years ago."

"I'm sorry Lois, I was just …"

"Forget it Clark it was a long time ago." She said patting his arm comfortingly.

"You're not angry?" He asked softly.

"No, I would have been if I'd known at the time, but I can see the funny side of it now." She grinned big and wide "But you know, I can't quite remember what I said about the kiss we shared, can you?"

He could feel his face flush hot, even more so when she threw her head back in laughter "I'm just teasing." The rest of their dance had been just as light hearted, and he'd enjoyed every moment of it.

After supper he stepped out onto the balcony hoping for a few moments alone, but came to a dead stop at the sight of Lois and Oliver leaning against the railing. The polite veneer of society wasn't here; here in privacy the two exchanged soft looks, little touches, small smiles and low voiced whispered conversation. When Oliver slipped his arm around her waist and began to move her in time to the music, he moved further into the shadows to watch. She looked happy and he was happy that she'd found someone, but it so reminiscent of the way they behaved in his dreams that his heart clenched at the sight.

He wanted to turn away, he didn't want to see this but couldn't make himself leave, and when Oliver bent down, pressed his lips against hers and their arms locked tight around each other as the kiss intensified all while they continued to sway slowly to the music, his eyes filled. They looked comfortable, they looked loving and it hurt seeing everything that would never be his in reality. When he felt a smaller hand slip into his, he turned to find a smiling Chloe standing at his side "You owe me a dance."

"Yeah, I uh...I think all the smokes making my eyes water, and I didn't think that was possible." He said lightly, hoping she wouldn't question him and she didn't.

Her smile grew wider and giggling softly, she tugged him back into the party and onto the dance floor.

He was glad that Lois was happy, he was truly glad that she'd found a man who loved her, but if her relationship with Oliver led to marriage, he was afraid that he'd lose the one tenuous hold he had on her; his dreams. If she married, he was afraid the dreams would stop and she would forever be beyond his reach, completely lost to him and this was just one more shame for his heart to bear. He already felt guilty for having the dreams, for enjoying them but he didn't want to lose them. He felt torn. If she married, then it wouldn't just be him being unfaithful to his wife by dreaming about another woman, he'd be dragging Lois and Oliver into the act as well, but he still didn't want to lose them.

A month later she moved to Star City to live with Oliver, and he knew that her days as a free woman were numbered. She wasn't technically free because she was with Oliver, but she wasn't married yet either and he held onto that fiercely. He was dreading the day he got a phone call telling him that she and Oliver were going to be married, or opening the post and finding an invitation to her engagement party.

Oliver's birthday party had been five months ago and it was the last time he'd seen Lois. She hadn't been to visit and he hadn't attempted to contact her, but he missed her with a depth that was staggering.

Two months ago he'd woken up from a dream in which Lois proposed to him beside a fountain. He'd silently slipped out of bed, padded into the bathroom for a quick shower then left for the fortress. The first thing he did was to write down every detail in his journal; his feelings, the sensations, the clothes they wore, the food they ate, what they talked about, the music playing, their stroll through the park, her proposal, calling their loved ones and when they made love afterwards. Every last detail was recorded before he returned home once again for breakfast with Lana, and then onto the farm for another day.

All that day all he could see and hear was Lois asking him to marry her. He knew that when people had minor surgery they were advised not to make any life altering decisions, or sign any legal documents for at least 24 hours afterwards; and now he knew why. That day he would have gladly signed his life away, unaware and uncaring of the consequences of what he was doing. That day the only thing he could think about was that Lois had asked him to marry her; _she had asked him_ and the glow of feeling couldn't be suppressed; dream or not.

Shortly afterwards his apartment was once again changed, but this time he only redecorated the bedroom. He hunted and scoured, bought most everything second hand but it all melded nicely with what he wanted. When he saw the final product, he felt his cheeks flame hot. The room was romantic and inviting, sensual and erotic; and lonely. But it was his, and in his dreams it was almost exactly like theirs, and he loved it.

When he'd woken up this morning he hadn't expected any revelations, any surprises. He'd arrived late at the farm after spending the morning at the fortress, only leaving when he realised it was almost lunch time. He spent some part of every day at the fortress now, being in the rooms he'd created seemed more real to him than his real life, and it was becoming harder to leave every day. He'd walked into the farm house expecting it to be like any other day but instead he'd found another Clark Kent who was happy with his life, and when he learnt that his twin was engaged to the woman they both loved, he discovered that it WAS possible for the heart to bleed, even though it felt dead.

He didn't resent Oliver for being with Lois in this world, nor did he feel bitter towards Smallville for being engaged to Lois in his own. He just felt desolate and sorrowful that he was solely responsible for throwing away his future by maintaining the fallacy that his love for Lana was eternal, long before he understood what love really was.

He wished that when he was younger instead of wasting so many hours day dreaming about Lana, spending so much time kowtowing to her, he'd taken some time to look up what the word infatuation meant, and the kind of things it could make a person do. He'd always used the word love in relation to Lana; and that had been his first and biggest mistake.

He was familiar with the word infatuation now, and it described his feelings for Lana when he was a teenager precisely. It's a kind of madness, an obsession, a folly; but it's also a lie. What's true is devoured by fantasy, and fantasy is used to avoid reality. To avoid pain and sorrow, failure and loneliness; all of the things he'd tried to escape when he was younger. He'd been so scared of ending up alone, despised being different to his peers, resented being told what to do by Jor-el, and hated when he failed to listen and others suffered for the consequences, and he'd dealt with it all by running away into his fantasy world of him and Lana together; a world where nothing could go wrong.

If he'd just accepted that pain couldn't be escaped, that it was a part of everyone's life and used it as a tool to shape himself instead of running away from it into his fantasy world of two, he could have spared both himself and Lana from suffering through an unhappy marriage that had nothing but a youthful infatuation at its base. She could have found someone who really loved her, and he could of had the life that Oliver and Smallville had; the life of using his gifts to help others with the woman he loved by his side.

If he only ever dreamt of him and Lois living in a perfect world with rainbows around, he'd believe that he was still trying to live in a fantasy world to escape from his reality. But his dreams covered the full spectrum of emotions from romantic to fun, erotic to argumentative, joy to despair, love to sadness. He didn't see Lois or their relationship as perfect, but it worked for them and it was right.

He'd cut off any chance of happiness for himself when he'd been nothing more than a boy. He'd made promises that he never should have made; the promise of binding and legal love when he married Lana, and the promise of never going to Jor-el to do his training. When he'd married Lana he'd thrown not only his future away, but the destiny Jor-el had always intended for him. He used to believe that Lana was his destiny, yet he'd spent years running from his destiny, that should have been a clue to him at the time.

But the dreams had shown him what his real destiny was, and Smallville was the proof. He was supposed to help, to save, to protect; to hopefully make people's lives better. Instead he'd taken the selfish route. Obstinately determined to live _his _life _his _way, to suit himself first and last; and in the end the only person who was happy with the choices he'd made was Lana, who seemed more than content with the status quo.

He used to think of Jor-el as an ogre, the evil spectre that was there just to bring ruination. He'd blamed Jor-el for all the pain in his life, but now knew that he was the one that was responsible. His implacable insistence in believing Lana was his destiny, and the hatred of his alien origins was at the root of most of the problems in his life, and the cause of so many tragedies that could have been prevented.

It wouldn't have made any difference if Jor-el had appeared to him as an altruistic benefactor, he still would have resented him. Because he'd hated being an alien, he'd resented Jor-el from the beginning, and as a consequence it had been easy to make Jor-el the scapegoat, easy to make Jor-el wear the mantle of his mistakes; it had been easy because it saved him from having to stop and consider his actions, or hold himself accountable when things went wrong.

He could have saved himself all the heartache, all the wasted years if only he and Lana had dated for longer than a few months then he would have known years ago that she wasn't what he wanted. He could have gone on to make a happy life for himself, had a career, become Superman in this world, and found Lois again. He could have married Lois, the woman he was meant to have done, instead of the Lana the girl that he had.

When Lana found him in the loft, told him that she loved him and agreed to marry him, he'd felt like the luckiest guy in the world, but now he knew that the joke was on him. She'd never told him why she'd changed her mind and he'd never asked, at the time he'd just been so damn grateful that he hadn't cared about the reasons. He still didn't because ultimately it made no difference. She had come back, he'd married her and now he was plunged into this hell of his own making.

His twin had been given a second chance when his Lana didn't return to him that day. He'd gone on to make a good life for himself and a better life for others by becoming Superman.

Even though he'd been dreaming for years, when Smallville first mentioned Superman he hadn't made the connection, but his confusion was swiftly followed by a feeling of unreality. The dreams felt real, he lived them, experienced all the highs and lows, the emotions of his dream self, but he wasn't crazy so he'd never taken them to the extreme of believing they were genuine. But after listening to his twin's account of his training, travelling, and becoming Superman, the only conclusion he could come to was that he had been seeing visions of Smallville's life, or Jor-el had been trying to send him a message. However, whether they were real or not made little difference as he'd already been firmly tied to Lana by the time the dreams had started.

He had no intention of asking Smallville about his relationship with Lois. He wasn't into self flagellation and didn't want to discover if having Lois' love was as amazing as he believed it could be. Even with all their arguments and little quarrels, their laughter and hurt it was love that was the dominating force in his dreams; and he didn't want to have them confirmed, only to know without any doubt that he'd never get to experience any of it.

He didn't care what it took but he'd help Smallville get back to his own world, he'd move heaven and hell if he had to, but he was going to get him back to his Lois. He wanted to know, he had to know there was a Clark Kent who was happy and fulfilled. A Clark who was with Lois and used the gifts he'd been given for the betterment of mankind.

He only realised he was crying when he tasted the saltiness of tears on his lips, and pressed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes then scrubbed his palms across his cheeks. Getting to his feet, he walked to the sink and splashed water on his face before drying it with a tea towel and once done he sat back down at the kitchen table. He couldn't help wondering just what Lois would think when she found out about his powers and his origins. Smallville had assured him that she wouldn't care, and his dreams had showed him as much, but he still felt apprehensive. He just hoped like hell she didn't question him about why he wasn't doing anything with his gifts in this world, like his twin did in his own.

He wanted to see Lois, wanted to spend time in her presence, but now that he knew his twin was engaged to her counterpart he didn't know if he could stand to see her and be reminded of what he'd lost. Before it had been 'if only' and he could comfort himself with the thought that even if he wasn't married to Lana, Lois wouldn't have loved him anyway despite the dreams he'd had of them, but he could no longer do that. He now knew that if he had been free Lois could have been his. 'What might have been' and 'could have been'; surely two of the most wretchedly miserable phrases in the English language.

Sighing deeply, he reached into his pocket, took out his wedding ring, pushed it onto his finger then held out his hand. He'd told Smallville the truth of why he didn't wear it all the time and looking down at it he remembered how ecstatic he'd felt the first time Lana showed it to him. He'd urged her to slide it on his finger and had felt so proud, so jubilant that he was wearing a wedding ring because he was the husband of Lana Kent. And now the ring felt like nothing more than shackles and chains; a constant reminder of asinine decisions made by an impatient kid who'd thrown away his future for a passing teenage fancy.

Standing again he stood and emptied the beer down the sink, turned off the kitchen light, walked down the hall, switched off the hall light and stepped quietly into the bedroom. After grabbing a pair of shorts and t-shirt, he stepped into the bathroom for a quick shower, before returning to bedroom and crawling into his side of the bed.

The few times Lois had visited were the only times the dreams stopped then resumed again after she left. He hadn't noticed at first because spending time with the real Lois was enough. But last month the dreams were frightening. For almost a week Lois had been taken from him, and it was six nights before she was returned. For the past month he'd been happy, truly happy. He had Lois back and that was what mattered; dream or not she was his.

He hoped that Smallville's presence in his world didn't upset things. He hoped when all of this was over, that his twin didn't take the dreams and return to his own world leaving him behind with nothing. He needed the dreams. They were his only liberation from a marriage that he found ever more tedious and unbearable. Even when they were heartbreaking or sad, the dreams were the only thing that kept him hanging on. He needed them just to get through another day.

oOo

Authors Note: Yes, I believe utterly that if Clark and Lana had been together for longer than 6 months either time, and only long to jump into the sack again the last time, he would have woken up to himself years ago; the gist of which is covered in the above chapter. Mind you, if he'd actually married the girl, then only god could have helped him.

Linda


	10. Chapter 10

I figure if Smallville can make Jor-el all knowing then I can too, and so I have. If it doesn't work for you, just pretend that it does because I'm not changing it.

BTW: I have added three chapters to make up for missing last week, so make yourselves comfortable because it's a long read.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 10**

Martha lay in bed and wondered what the morrow would bring. She enjoyed Lois' visits, as few and far between as they were; but she hurt for her son who usually looked at Lois with deep buried heartache whenever her attention was elsewhere.

She was glad Lois was unaware of her son's feelings, and had to admit that she was also glad that he didn't see her very often. If Clark had no feelings for her, if he still loved his wife then any time spent with Lois would be enjoyable. But knowing that she could do nothing for her boy, other than giving him the privacy of pretending that she didn't know he was hurting was always hard. Now it was going to be even harder. The only thing she could hope for is that all would be rectified quickly, and when it was over that her son did become Superman. Not only to help others but to give himself a purpose in life.

He'd rushed in and made a mistake when he was still so young, and her heart ached that this was one mistake she couldn't fix for him, couldn't do anything about. If Lois and Oliver married she didn't know whether Clark would get closure, or if the wound would become deeper, but suspected that it would be the latter rather than the former. She'd always known that he would hurt when Lois got married, but now he would also mourn for what might have been; and she could only pray that time _would_ be the great healer and Clark didn't suffer for long.

When Clark was younger she and Jonathan kept hoping their son would realise the Lana wasn't the girl for him, but he'd been so fixed in his resolve that there was no getting through to him.

If Lana had been the one for Clark, she wouldn't have led him down the garden path so many times. If she'd really only had been interested in friendship before they dated, then her behaviour with him wouldn't have been so calculating.

Sadly Clark had been completely blind to Lana's artifice, and games. He was such a straight forward person, that he saw the good in people until they let him down over and over. Unfortunately, no matter how often Lana had done that to him, he'd never seen it. He'd blamed himself when she turned away from him, blamed himself when she became angry and upset, blamed himself for everything. He'd never once stopped to consider that Lana could be the one at fault.

Even when Lana had boyfriends, she'd still expected Clark to tell her all his secrets, give her all his trust, be an open book for her to read; almost as if she had to know everything about him before deciding if he was worthy of her. And Clark, who was completely unversed in the ways of chicanery, thought that what Lana demanded was only right and fair.

If anyone else had been as unyielding and insistent with him he wouldn't have been so patient or taken the burden onto himself. He would have challenged them and if necessary told them to mind their own business in a way they'd receive the message loud and clear to 'back off'.

Her son was a nice kind person but he could also be inflexible, and like everyone he had his limits. She knew that before Chloe had found out the truth that he'd told her off a number of times when she questioned him, or when her investigations about weird things got a little too close for his liking, and the girl had been his best friend. But Lana had been different. He just couldn't make himself tell her to 'back off'. He just couldn't ignore her interrogations and usually came away from their encounters sad and angry with himself. Resentful at being an alien, and blaming himself for driving her away, only to keep on trying to win her over time and again.

She wished more than anything that instead of staying silent that she and Jonathan had spoken up just once. Unfortunately they'd figured it was only a teenage crush so hadn't taken it seriously, but they should have the longer it went on. She wished they had pointed out to Clark how manipulative and controlling Lana was behaving while she was doing it at the time. That haunted her. She and Jonathan hadn't been teenagers, they'd seen Lana's slyness and her scheming and they'd let their son down by not speaking up. Yes, Clark would have gotten his back up, he would have stonewalled and become angry, but at least now she wouldn't feel like she'd let her son down just to keep the peace.

At the time they just didn't think they could take anymore discord, but they shouldn't have thought of themselves. They should have realised that Clark had needed their guidance not just with his alien heritage, but in the ways of deceit by a girl who knew she had their son wrapped around her little finger. Instead they'd turned a blind eye and said nothing. They were already dealing with Clark's issues of being an alien, his emerging powers, all the conflict that had arisen due to his feelings of inadequacy, and thought a teenage crush in comparison to all of that was of little consequence. They had been so short sighted, and had failed their son when he'd needed them the most.

She wouldn't have picked Lana as her daughter in law, she wouldn't have chosen her as the girl her son experienced first love with, but as she didn't get to decide those things, she should have done more than just telling Clark over and over that maybe Lana wasn't the girl for him. That hadn't been enough. That was the one thing he didn't want to hear, and the one thing he wouldn't give into anyone on; but as his mother she never should have stood by silently and done nothing. She should have spoken up no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how many times he got angry, it had been her job to protect her son and she'd failed him in this area.

When Clark and Lana had married she'd been worried by their haste. Her son used to have many fears, all of which stemmed from being different to everyone else, but marriage was such a huge step, and not one that should be taken as a short cut to fix problems or just to ease loneliness. But both of them had had been much too impetuous and impatient; neither one giving a thought that what a person wanted when they were 19, was rarely what they still wanted or what they needed when they grew up.

Unhappily a lot of kids made the same mistake; they lived in the moment, unable to see past the present day to the future. Even though Clark had said over and over that he could imagine himself and Lana being together forever, she'd known that his head had been filled with nothing more than school boy fancies. More than likely all he would have imagined was the two of them holding hands and running through a field of buttercups.

Kids didn't tend to think about the times when life would kick them, about bills needing to be paid, fights when money was tight, arguments about petty instances that all couples had; or realise that usually the thrill of excitement in being together mellows into a love that was just as strong, but no longer all about bright lights.

Love needed a foundation of more than just feelings to survive, or when love settled and it was no longer the glorious technicolour it had been previously, dissatisfaction soon crept in because all you had learnt to depend on was feelings. But feelings were notoriously unreliable; feelings changed with a person's mood. You could be happy one moment and irritated or depressed shortly afterwards. You might be fed up with your partner in the morning, and when you saw them that night remember why you couldn't live without them. Feelings couldn't be counted on to make a happy marriage. It took a solid combination of love, respect, liking, dedication and a willingness to stick it out.

She had seen their marriage decline, watched as Clark grew more and more discontent but had to admit that she'd been wrong about Lana. She'd expected the girl to make her son miserable, well she hadn't made him happy, but she had tried and still did. Clark now knew that Lana wasn't the girl for him, but that knowledge had come too late to be of any use to either of them. So although she wouldn't have picked Lana for her son, she couldn't fault her either. Lana had done everything she could to make Clark happy. She hadn't flirted with other men, hadn't played fast and loose with Clark's affections and she hadn't played games like when she was younger. Lana was fighting a losing battle, but she was still trying and Martha not only respected her for that, but also felt the sting of her conscience for misjudging her daughter in law so harshly when they got married.

Lana was still devoted to Clark; and she thought it was sad that for years he'd yearned for the girl, while she had been either oblivious or too involved in her own life to care, and now it was the other way around. Now it was Lana who couldn't do enough for him, so all in all she felt just as sorry for her daughter in law as she did her son.

Clark and Lana had married in a burst of teenage feelings, intolerant of delays and unwilling to wait for the future to unfold, and sadly it was now too late. They'd learnt that the wedding; no matter how dazzling or informal was the easy part, but marriage took work, and feelings weren't enough to make a happy union if there was nothing else to back it up.

She hurt for her son, she hurt for her daughter in law but there was nothing she could do. Sighing deeply Martha closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.

oOo

Chloe lay in bed and looked out the window wondering how Clark was. He had to be hurting and she wished she could give her old friend some words of comfort, but what could she say.

She knew that what she'd said earlier was true; it was human nature to wonder about possibilities and missed opportunities. Clark might have wondered what his life would have been like had he not married Lana, but he definitely would have thought about it after falling in love with Lois; and now that he'd met Smallville it had to so much worse.

As she'd pointed out earlier, Clark never used to hide his emotions and although he'd now become the master of pretence, she knew him far too well to be deceived. When he first saw Lois she'd been able to read him like a book, and she remembered feeling bitterly sorry for him because everything he was feeling was there on his face. Within moments he'd shut down but it was too late, she's seen and knew that his mom had too. She'd heard Martha's quiet gasp, saw her shaking hand lifted to her mouth before it fell to her side then they'd turned to each other simultaneously. In one quick glance they shared the knowledge of what they'd witnessed, and the unspoken agreement that it was never to be referred to openly. Then just as Clark had done, they'd both wiped their faces clear of anything but happiness in seeing the reunion of old friends.

She felt awful that Clark's feelings for Lois were known to them. Regardless of whether he was aware if they knew or not, she regretted that they were unable to give him the privacy of keeping his deepest feelings to himself. She would hate to be so exposed, even unknowingly and would have preferred to have remained in ignorance of his love for her cousin. She hurt for him knowing that he had what he always used to crave, only to discover that his love had been misdirected at the wrong person and now he was stuck.

She knew how much it hurt to want something that was forever out of reach, because he had been that for her. She had been so young, but love at that age was full of pain if it was unrequited; more so if the object of your affection was not only disinterested, but just as infatuated with someone else.

Although she'd never wanted to be Lana, she had occasionally wished that whatever the girl had that Clark seemed unable to resist could float her way too. She'd been absolutely crazy about him, and could now smile at her almost fierce devotion to him. She'd been as devoted to him, as he'd been to Lana; but unlike him, she hadn't cut herself off from other boys while waiting for him to notice her. Clark had gone out with Alicia but his attraction to her was clearly because of her uniqueness, other than that he hadn't even tried. He'd just sat around waiting for Lana which made it so much worse for him.

She'd had her work at the Torch, and at later at the Planet. She'd dated a couple of guys, and then she'd had Jimmy; who'd been not only been sweet and caring but a hell of a lot of fun. It had taken her time to get over Clark, but she eventually had, and she was glad that she hadn't wasted her life pining for him while he was Lana crazed, or by becoming despondent because of his marriage.

Lois had helped. The first night after she woke up, when it was just the two of them her cousin had talked frankly and openly to her. What she'd said had helped her to get on with her life, and to finally put Clark Kent behind her once and for all. She remembered how wretched she'd felt knowing that he was definitely off the market and bringing that night to mind recalled the conversation she'd had with her cousin.

The hospital room was quiet; she was glad that her cousin was alright but felt troubled at Lois' anger at Clark and Lana. Lois had never been one to pull her punches, but she didn't want animosity to exist between two people that she loved. She'd already decided not to take sides. This was something that had to be resolved between them, and she could only hope that it would be.

She was sitting in the chair beside Lois' bed, not yet ready to go to sleep on the trundle bed that had been brought in for her. She wanted to stay awake and make sure that Lois was alright. It was silly but she still felt a little apprehensive of going to sleep and waking up only to find her cousin once again unconscious.

"I'm sorry Chloe." Lois said quietly, holding out her hand.

"Sorry for what Lo, your fight with Clark and Lana earlier?" She asked with wrinkled brow, reaching out to clasp her cousin's hand with hers.

"No Chlo, I'm sorry because I know that you were hoping Clark would notice you one day." Lois contradicted squeezing her hand gently "It was never in the cards sweetie, but I'm still sorry that you're hurting."

"I always knew that I didn't have a shot but still..." She shrugged sadly.

"Chloe, Clark has no goals, no ambitions, all he ever wanted was to marry Lana and that was it, but he never talked about what he thought their future was going to be like." Lois said gently "And Lana's only goal was to have a boyfriend, and obviously to get married as soon as she could. Marriage is the only thing either of them has ever wanted."

Lois smiled and pushed herself up higher in the bed, then reached over and tucked a lock of hair behind her cousin's ear "But you Chlo, you want to be a hot shot journalist, you have aspirations and dreams sweetie, Clark only would have held you back." She reached out, grabbed a tissue and dried the tears running down her cousin's face then held the box out to Chloe "I can't see you being happy with a lifetime of rural domesticity. If that's what a person wants then it's great, but I think you'd soon find the existence constricting and stagnating. I just can't see you being happy with that for long."

"No I wouldn't." She admitted quietly and blew her nose "And Lana?"

"Lana's happy as long as she has a guy that idolizes her."

"You really think she's that shallow?"

"Yeah I do." Lois smile apologetically.

"And Clark will idolize her." Chloe said with finality.

"That's yet to be seen."

"Of course he will Lo, he always has." She countered swiftly.

"Yeah up to now he has, but before now all he had were dreams, and a lot of dreams fade in the cold light of day." Lois replied quietly.

"You don't think they'll last?"

"No, Chloe I don't…." Lois shook her head and gave a cheerless smile "…they can barely last the short time it takes to have a cup of coffee. Clark was all 'Oh I love Lana', but what did he really know about Lana? He never spoke to her long enough to know anything about her before they were arguing, or she was with another guy, both of which made her more elusive and therefore more exciting. But he hasn't got the intangible anymore Chlo, he's now got reality and he has to live with reality."

"Yeah but now that they've resolved things, surely their relationship will be better." She put forward hopefully.

"According to whom?" She asked, winging one eyebrow up in query "Think about it Chlo; all they ever did was argue, but now that they've resolved all their differences, what are they going to talk about? Do they even like each other? Do they enjoy each others company? Did they even give themselves the chance to find out?" Lois shook her head in pity "They were both so hell bent on getting married, but why Chloe? Why couldn't they just enjoy dating, really getting to know each other? What was so enthralling about marriage that they couldn't wait to tie themselves down?" She sighed deeply, lifted and lowered her brows "They were old long before their time. They didn't want to be teenagers enjoying life like most of us do, they wanted to be adults and they wanted it all now."

"Some people know who they want to spend their lives with when they're young Lo."

"Really, ok so let me see if I have this straight..." She lifted her hand and began to count "Lana loved Clark, he dumped her, she loved Lex and decided to marry him, but now she's left him high and dry and is back with Clark again. Now let's move onto Clark" Her hand closed and once again she began to count "He loved Lana, pursued her, got her, dumped her, and then wanted her back when she was engaged to Lex." Lois scoffed sarcastically "Their so called love is nothing more than WANT Chloe, but want is easily replaced. Once you have what you want, you no longer want it anymore." She paused and continued quietly "Want is a selfish, greedy emotion but love isn't selfish, and right now they're both too self absorbed to be able to distinguish the difference between the two."

"You don't think they really love each other?"

She shook her head and sighed heavily "No I don't; to really love and I'm not just talking romantic love here, but to really love you have to look beyond yourself. What you want, what you need, what you desire, and neither of them have the capacity for that. They both go hell for leather for what they want, uncaring of who they hurt along the way."

"But Clark broke up with Lana because he thought she'd get hurt if she was with him..." She considered her words carefully and gave Lois the truth in a way without telling Clark's secret "...he's always helping me out and he was worried that she'd be hurt and that's why he broke up with her; it was hard for him to let her go, but he did it for her Lo."

"Really, then tell me something. Clark's been helping you investigate stuff for years, so he must have known the whole time he was chasing after Lana, that once she was with him she could be hurt, but that didn't stop him from going after her did it?" Lois gave a mocking half smile "And then what? The danger that surrounded him suddenly disappeared and he realised that she wouldn't get hurt by being with him, or did it only vanish because she was with Lex." She shook her head in disgust "Clark can spread that 'I dumped Lana for her own good' snake oil to someone who believes it, but I don't."

Chloe dropped her head in defeat knowing her cousin was right. Clark said that he'd broken up with Lana to keep her safe. To prevent her from being hurt by him either physically or emotionally; he said that he'd done it for Lana's own good and protection. Yet her safety seemed to be his secondary concern once she was with Lex. She didn't believe for one moment that his only goal had been to save the girl from Lex. She didn't doubt that he was afraid Lana would be hurt by the other man, and that was a small part of why he'd still pursued her but it was far from the full reason. As Lois had pointed out without even being aware of the full situation; the danger Clark had been so concerned about before hadn't disappeared. He was still an alien, still had powers, and Lana could still be hurt by being with him whether they were married or not. If Clark had really only wanted to protect Lana from Lex, he could have tried to get her away from the other man without attempting to win her back for himself, and if he'd really been concerned about her welfare he certainly wouldn't have gotten back together with her again under any circumstances. The simple truth was, Clark wanted Lana back and that was all that mattered to him; end of story.

Lois' voice finally intruded into her consciousness making Chloe realise that she'd drifted off. She briefly wondered what she'd missed in the interim, but shrugged it off to concentrate on her cousins next words.

"...their wonderful romantic relationship was composed of nothing more than arguments, kissing, breaking up, making up blah blah, and because of that, they think their 'love'..." She crooked her fingers "... for each other is a lot more than it really is."

"They didn't only argue Lo." She gently chided her cousin.

"No you're right, they also snivelled and complained." Lois replied without any humour.

"Lo…." Chloe broke off and shook her head.

"Sweetie neither of them knows jack shit about being in a genuine relationship. They both talked a lot about love, but I think if real love came up and bit them on the ass, they wouldn't even know what it was." Lois smiled slightly in ridicule "The only kind of love they understand is the kind that's full off melodrama, and if they didn't have it they created it."

"That's not true." She said doubtfully.

"It is true Chloe. Both before and after they dated Lana questioned Clark about this, that and the other, and instead of telling her to piss off or mind her own business, he sat around like an idiot with his mouth half open, or tried to pacify her with soft words which obviously cut no ice because everyone was then subjected to yet another round of the Clark and Lana bullshit hour." She replied peevishly. "If I had a boyfriend or a friend or just anyone, who kept on at me about trust and questioned me about everything, I'd tell them to fuck off. Just because someone likes you or vice versa, either romantically or platonically, it doesn't give them the right to know your private business unless you want to share it." Lois frowned shaking her head.

Chloe shrugged half heartedly "He liked her Lo and he wanted her to like him so..." She trailed off uncertain how to finish.

"What he should have done was liked her less and gotten some balls. He should have told her that the problem wasn't with him but with her, and maybe she needed to start trusting people more instead of doubting everything, and if she didn't like it to hit the road." Lois returned swiftly.

Chloe sighed heavily but silently agreed. She herself had questioned Clark but not half as much as Lana had; getting the conversation back on track she posed the next question "But surely now that they're married things will be better."

"Chloe the drama's gone, that's what drove them; the tension and anxiety of 'will they or won't they be together', that's what made their relationship so exhilarating to them. But if you look back at their relationship they had nothing Chlo, NOTHING; and that's just what I've observed in the two years that I've been here, but I doubt it was any different before I arrived." Lois shook her head and smiled in pity "If they had really wanted to be together they could have been, but they put up roadblocks at every turn because it gave them a thrill to constantly be at odds. Together but apart, never quite making it but with the hope that someday they would; some people really do get off on that kind of thing." She sighed deeply and shrugged "Most people actually want their relationship to work; they want to be together. Most people aren't interested in this 'beauty and the beast' crap of always together in spirit but eternally apart." Lois shrugged and continued "But Chloe they didn't have anything concrete to hold them together, nothing substantial, all they had was their love for each other; or the love they were both big on talking about, but have yet to prove really exists. Their track record of using that as a base should have shown them they just don't have what it takes to make it."

"But Clark's loved Lana for years."

"Yeah, but that was when she was out of reach, she's no longer out of reach Chlo. If all you have is love or a facsimile of it, but you don't have liking or at the very least enjoyment in each other's company, then love's not going to last."

"He did enjoy her company." Chloe said automatically.

"Did he? Clark talked a lot about how much he loved Lana, but did he ever say that he liked her as a person, that he liked spending time with her?" When Chloe's mouth opened, Lois shook her head "Feeling a rush of hormonal lust isn't the same thing. That's just natural with the opposite sex and we've all experienced it, but lust isn't love you know that." She blew out a breath and nodded in agreement "If all you have is lust or attraction then once it's gone boredom usually sets in. I've gone through it with more than one with a cute guy that I was hot for in the beginning, and I daresay you have too. For their sakes I hope they have more than that, but I haven't seen any evidence of it so far."

"How long do you think they'll last?"

Lois shrugged again "I give them three years, four, max."

"Three years! C'mon Lo." Chloe asked incredulous "They dated for months. Clark was really heartbroken when they split up, and that was before Lana even took up with Lex." She pointed out.

"Yeah a few months big deal Chloe." Lois replied scornfully "A few months is nothing when you've been dreaming as long as he has. Anyone can overlook a person's faults for a few months, anyone can wear a mask and pretend they're something they're not for a few months, that's what dating is all about. It's supposed to be so you can get to know the other person, but mostly it's just a game of pretend where you only see their good side and show yours, but they're no longer just dating."

"You think he'll want out?"

"I think they both will." Lois paused and continued soft voiced "They're in for a rude awakening Chlo. Lana's going to realise that she doesn't have the option of running to another guy when the going gets tough; and once the initial thrill is gone Clark's going to find out that _dreaming_ about being with Lana, is a lot different to _actually_ being with her. When that happens he either will like her for herself, or he won't. But if he doesn't then he'll stop regarding her as he always has, and that in turn will make her discontented."

Chloe threw her cousin a doubtful look "But…"

Lois shook her head softly "I don't know whether they just don't like their own company or if their afraid of it, but what I have found is that she's the most needy person I've ever met in my life, and he's scared of ending up alone. So there you have the perfect combination, Miss Clingy and Mr Frightened; hardly the love affair of the century Chlo, more like a love of co-dependency. Hell the two of them will marry anyone just so they have someone; Lana with Lex this year, and Clark with Alicia last year." She scoffed slightly.

She couldn't tell Lois why Clark had married Alicia, so focused on Lana instead "Yeah but Lana was marrying Lex because she and Clark broke up and ..."

Lois voice swiftly cut in "If she was marrying Lex in some kind of twisted revenge against Clark then she's a freaking idiot. That's an even stupider reason to get married than just because you need someone by your side 24/7."

"No Lo, I mean that after she and Clark broke up, she felt lonely and turned to Lex, and they got engaged but it was an accident and ..." She trailed off at the disbelieving frown on her cousin's face.

Lois frowned and sighed again "Was it, or is it because she's one of those girls who's scared that if she doesn't say yes when a guy proposes, no one else will ever ask her again; or is she one of those girls who'll marry anyone just so she can say that she's married?"

Chloe shook her head in protest "She and Clark wanted to be together long before they were. If he hadn't broken up with her, she never would have turned to Lex."

Lois shook her head and smiled minutely "They said they wanted to be together, but what they really wanted was to be Smallville's answer to the love struck teenagers. The ones who just couldn't seem to get it right, but would hopefully beat the odds one day. The ones that everyone spoke about in hushed voices and sighed in pity over; they wanted to be the 'it' couple of Smallville..." she crooked her fingers then softly mocked "...so that when they finally overcame all their adversities and ended up in each other's arms, everyone in the land would rejoice." She finished by throwing up her arms theatrically.

"I ...ok yeah." She shook her head and started again "Ok, we all felt sorry for them because they had a tough time getting together but..."

"People have their own lives, their own problems and relationship troubles Chlo, they couldn't give a damn about someone else's. The only people who really cared were them, Mrs Kent for obvious reasons and you, because you're their friend."

"And you." Chloe put in softly.

"Truthfully, I wanted them to get over it because I was fed up with both of them." She smiled ruefully because she'd already known that about her cousin "You know me sweetie. I just don't have the patience to wet nurse someone through one self indulgent fit of pity after another." She nodded knowing that Lois' patience with self absorption was short in the extreme.

"Their relationship isn't hard to understand Chlo and it isn't the grand love affair they've made it out to be either; it's really very simple. Lana has to have a guy to look out for her, it doesn't matter who it is, she just has to have someone. Clark meanwhile fell for the pretty girl who lived next door, and talked himself into being in love with her, convinced that she's the only one who can take away his loneliness and all the rest of that rot, but I suspect he's in love with Lana as much as I'm in love with Shelby." She finished with a quick eye roll to the heavens.

"Clark does love Lana Lo."

Lois nodded slowly "Granted he's always talking about how he and Lana are meant to be together, but he was convinced of that before he'd even said two words to the girl. Lana could have been a mafia hit woman for all he knew, but he saw her face and decided that he loved her. Love is more than skin deep Chlo. Will he still love her if god forbid, anything happens and her face becomes a mangled ball of pulp, or will his so called love die a quick death?"

"He initially liked her on looks alone, but he has gotten to know her."

Her head shook back and forth in counter "No he hasn't. If Clark really loved Lana for who she is then he'd accept everything about her, not just the bits and pieces he likes; but he's never gotten past the veneer of her face."

"You really think his feelings for her are that superficial?" She asked subdued.

"Yeah..." Lois sighed and nodded "...look most people are attracted to the outer wrappings at first, that's just human nature. Guys are attracted to the pretty girl, or the girl with the big boobs; girls go for the school Adonis, or the sports star. But eventually the guy realises he needs more than a pretty decoration for his arm, the girl will find out that good looking doesn't mean she's attracted and they move on but Clark never has, and it's not because he's really in love with Lana. He's proven that he's in love with nothing more than her face simply by never discerning any faults in her. If you really love someone you should love them regardless of their imperfections, but he doesn't. It's not that he sees Lana's flaws and accepts them, y'know figuring they're not important and he loves her regardless; he chooses to pretend they don't even exist, or blames himself or someone else for the things she does, and we've both seen him do that Chloe. There's a big difference between loving someone despite all their failings and not; I actually feel more sorry for Lana."

"Why?"

"Because one day he will see her as she really is. Now that they're married they'll be living together 24/7 year after year after year. So he won't have the luxury of choosing to disregard the less than pleasant aspects of her personality he doesn't like. He'll probably ignore them for a while which is only natural in the afterglow of getting her back again, but he won't be able to overlook them forever, which he's now got with her; forever."

"And Lana?" Chloe asked questioningly.

"As long as he still adores her she'll be fine. I imagine it must be pretty intoxicating to be regarded as a goddess, but if or when his feelings change that pedestal he has her on will topple, and it's going to be a hell of a fall for her Chlo because she's gotten used to his adulation." Lois' lips lifted in a small smile "Have you ever seen the movie Camille?" She shook her head in response "There's this part in it where she says to the guy Armand, 'love me less and understand me better' and I agree with that. I'd much rather be with a man who loves me warts and all, then to be with someone who only loves the bits of me he can handle and ignores everything else. Or someone who says he loves me, but has no interest in understanding me as a person, wouldn't you Chloe?"

"Yeah, I would, but I hope that you're wrong about them Lo. Regardless of my feelings for Clark, I'd like them to be happy." She said truthfully.

Lois sighed heavily and nodded "Even though I'm angry with them, and I can't say I like either of them very much at the moment, I don't want them to fail. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and I do care about them, but it's you that I love, so it's you that I'm concerned about." She leant forward, reached out, clasped Chloe's hand and squeezed "Don't waste your life waiting for Clark to turn to you with his problems, or for Lana to come crying on your shoulder. Their problems are their problems and they need to learn how deal with them." When she nodded Lois smiled softly but continued, determined to get her point across "The time for childish games is over. They need to learn to turn to each other instead of away, they need to figure out how to handle their problems, and not expect you to drop everything for them. They wanted to be married well now they are, and now they need to realise that marriage is about more than just saying 'I do' in a pretty meadow full of orange blossom. I know that I've never been married, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if two people constantly take the first exit at every hiccup in their relationship, then getting married isn't going to suddenly change their personality or give them a backbone so they'll actually work together to get them through the hard times."

"Yeah." Chloe nodded and sniffed.

Lois nodded, smiled and patted her hand "Jimmy's a nice guy. I'm not going to say he's the love of your life, or even the one. Hell Chlo you're only 19 and you've got your whole life ahead of you. I just don't want you to waste your life tending to Clark's needs; you've done enough of that already. You need to start living for yourself." She finished firmly.

"I will, and don't worry while you were unconscious I already figured out that, but I guess it was hard to give up because I always wanted him to like me." Chloe said softly.

"He does like you Chlo, just not in the way you wanted; but I know how much it hurts to want someone who doesn't want you back."

"Have you felt the same way about someone?"

"No not the same way, when I was in Junior High I liked a boy that wasn't interested and it hurt, and Ollie who left but that's different. I've never liked a guy for years like you have." Lois said softly "Maybe you wanted Clark so much because you knew he was safe."

"Safe, what'd you mean?"

"The two things you wanted most were Clark Kent and to be a Journalist, but even when he wasn't with Lana, you knew that he'd already set himself aside for her. So you could safely like him and hope that one day he'd like you back the same way, but you didn't have to worry that a teenage romance would screw you up and derail your dreams, because you knew that Clark was out of reach all along."

"You think that's why I liked him." She asked with a slight frown.

Lois nodded and crooked her lips into a smile "It could partly be the reason why. You didn't have to worry that he was going to chuck your heart into a blender and press maximum speed. He's hurt you but you've never let that stop you from reaching for the stars, and making a career for yourself. You still had the Torch, you've now got the Planet, and you didn't let your feelings for him stop you from going out with other boys."

"You make me sound cold."

"No Chloe you could never be cold sweetie, you're strong, and that's totally different." She smiled then patted her cousin's hand again "Look at Clark and Lana, at the first sign of trouble in their relationship they're all but paralysed, unsure of what to do with themselves. All they do is cry on someone's shoulder, but you keep throwing yourself into your work to ensure you reach the goals that you want. You don't let being crushed by a guy squash your spirit; and I think that's not only brave but a damn good thing. It puts you in a class above a lot of other people."

"Thanks." Chloe said wiping her eyes.

"We're a lot alike in that way, we must have gotten it from our mom's." Lois said teasingly. Chloe smiled at her cousins self praise, even though she agreed with it.

"You're going to be ok Chloe, but please sweetie do what I said. Don't waste your life waiting for Clark to call you with his newest problem. He needs to learn to deal with it himself and turn to his wife for help, and I want you to go out there and be the best damn journalist you can be. Start living for yourself, not Clark, ok?"

"Ok." She replied standing up to hug her cousin.

Lois' words had helped; after her cousin left to travel a couple of months later, she moved to Metropolis and no longer came to Smallville. She'd done just what Lois had advised her to do and put all her effort into her work; and soon she was so caught up in her career that she didn't even miss seeing Clark every day, or every week. Then one day she realised that he was no longer the boy that she dreamt of. She hadn't seen or spoken to him in months and she no longer missed him. He was someone she thought of as an old friend, one she cared about but no longer wanted for her own.

But what made her sad was that Lois had been right about something else. The next time she'd returned for a visit almost two years had passed, and it didn't take her long to note the signs of dissatisfaction in Clark or to perceive that although Lana was still devoted to him, his feelings for her had definitely cooled. From an outsiders perspective, neither appeared happy with their situation.

Three years later she came was with her cousin, and she knew just by the look at Clark's face when he saw Lois, that his mistake in marrying Lana had far bigger consequences than just being unhappy. It had been a sober reflection for her. She'd been grateful that Clark had never pursued her or been interested in her romantically. If he had, she would have married him and been happy that he was hers, and now she would be in the same boat that Lana was; married to man who was in love with another woman.

When she opened her door one day and found Clark on the other side, it didn't take her long after ushering him in to discover that he'd come for a reason. They'd sat in the lounge room, drinking wine and chatting about nothing of importance. His voice while casual and blasé was at odds with the tension in his face. His excuse of dropping by because he hadn't seen her in a while and wanted to say hello. After all the small talk had been exhausted silence fell between them, and then the real purpose of his visit was revealed. He very nonchalantly mentioned that the last time Lois had visited the farm Oliver had dropped by, then he began to indifferently pump her for information. She knew then that he'd discovered her cousin was dating Oliver so told him what he wanted to know. He'd listened silently, and afterwards asked a few questions, but although he said that he was happy they'd found each other again, the pain in his eyes couldn't be hidden.

She'd since gotten used to his dropping by for a visit, but wasn't sure if he just wanted to get away from Lana and his life for short bursts of time. Enjoyed living vicariously through her exploits about the hazards she and Lois faced being Journalist's. Wanted to find out how Lois was doing without being obvious about it, or wanted to hang onto their friendship, but felt it was a combination of all the above, with Lois topping the list.

The next time they were all altogether was at Oliver's birthday party, and if his eyes had moved from Lois, it hadn't been for long. She wanted to say something but how could she. All that would do would put them both in an uncomfortable position when he clearly didn't want to talk about it.

When she was returning from a trip to the ladies she found Clark standing near a huge potted plant, almost shading himself near the balcony door. She'd looked at his face, peered outside, saw the couple locked in a romantic embrace, and knew that she couldn't leave him there. If anyone saw him, the wretchedness on his face would leave no one in doubt that he was in love with Lois, and she didn't want him to be humiliated like that. Stepping forward, she plastered the most winsome smile she could achieve under the circumstances on her lips, slipped her hand in his and felt her heart stir with pity at the unshed tears in his eyes. She'd dredged up a light laugh to his comment then tugged him back inside and onto the dance floor, all the while hating that her friend was hurting so badly.

She hoped they would be able to resolve this situation quickly for everyone's sake. For Smallville so that he could go back to his life and the world where he was needed. For Clark so that he wouldn't have the constant reminder of his twin in his face; and for Lana. Clark's discontent with his life was clear to see if you knew him. That Lana was aware of it and trying to pretend it didn't exist was just as obvious, but it could only grow and deepen the longer Smallville was here reminding him of what could have been, which wouldn't help their marriage in the slightest.

oOo

Smallville rolled over on the couch, lifted his head and punched the pillow, shifted to face the back of the couch, turned back again and sighed deeply.

It was no use, if he got any sleep tonight it would be a miracle. Last month Lois had been taken from him and this month he'd been taken from her. He didn't know if Lana was responsible; it seemed likely but without proof not only would the accusation be unfounded, but it could potentially cause a lot of damage.

And as he'd thought earlier, if Lana was responsible, it would be the Lana from his world not this one. If it wasn't Lana at all, then he didn't know who or what could have caused it, which meant that he was in the dark on how to fix it.

All he knew was that he wanted to go home, back to Lois, back to his world; he now understood what Jo meant when she said that everyone was the same but different. Although they had tried to make Jo feel comfortable, she'd known that she didn't belong and that was how he felt now; like he didn't belong.

Last month when Jo was in Lois' body, he remembered thinking that if he'd married Lana it would have been a mistake, and one he would have regretted even more after meeting Lois again. Clark was now in that position. As he'd told his twin, if he'd known about his marriage to Lana 8 years ago he would have been jealous as hell. Remembering full well what he was like, he knew without doubt that if Lana had come to him that night, he also would have eloped with her in a heartbeat, and now he could now only feel deeply grateful for whatever stroke of luck it was that had saved him from the same fate that had befallen his twin.

It was really strange to think that 8 years ago he'd been lying on the couch in his loft, and by the simple action of a road not taken, the universe was split and two worlds were created. In one Lana returned and Clark eloped with her, in the other she married Lex. Clark had finished that night happier than he ever could have imagined, while he had gone to sleep devastated; and now 8 years later the tables were turned. He was thankful that Lana hadn't come back to him that day; and Clark was living with regret that she had.

Just as he and Lois were always meant to be together, he believed the same was true for Clark and Lois in this universe. However, as that wasn't an option here then it really did seem fitting that she was with Oliver and he sincerely hoped they were happy. Ollie was a good guy, and if he loved Lois as much as the Oliver in his own world did, then he'd do everything he could to make her happy; and Lois would do the same for him. Even before she'd loved him Lois had made him feel special, blessed. So he could state from personal experience that regardless of how deep her feelings went, Oliver would still feel happy and fortunate.

But he was sorry that Clark was grieving for what he'd lost, and he knew that his twin did grieve. Their lives had diverged 8 years ago, but they were still essentially the same person, so it was easy enough for him to know how his twin was feeling, because he would be feeling the same way. The only thing he wasn't sure about was if Lois' presence helped or hurt Clark.

He'd told Lana only a few days ago that if Lois had never loved him, he wouldn't have been able to move on either. He would have wanted to keep her close; but since he was single his reasons for that would be in the hope that one day she would be his. As Clark was married he didn't have that option, so he might be glad of only seeing her rarely. His mom said that when Clark knew he was going to see Lois, when she was around, and then gone again were the worst days, and he understood that too. First would be the anticipation of seeing her, then the thrill and pleasure of having her near, then the melancholia of when she was gone not knowing how long it would be before he saw her once again.

Oliver had told him that maybe attending his engagement party would give him closure, help him to move on. He hadn't asked his friend if it had or not, but if it did then hopefully if Lois married Oliver, Clark would also find closure. He wouldn't, Smallville knew that, but for his twin's sake he hoped that he did.

He wanted to be at home with his fiancé, but as that wasn't possible he wished that he could at least know that she was alright, and not worrying about him. He didn't know if she'd automatically believe Lana was behind his disappearance or not, but he did know that she'd do everything she could to bring him home to her.

He refused to accept that he wasn't going home, last month Lois had come back to him, but it wasn't because of anything they'd done, she'd just returned. If the Lana from his world was responsible then he hoped that just as she gave Lois back to him, that she'd allow him to return to Lois.

If she was responsible then there was no point in leaving him here forever, because even though he wouldn't be with Lois, neither would he be with her. If she also came here hoping to get him on the rebound, or to inform him that he was never leaving, never going back to Lois so he might as well make the best of things; he'd likewise inform her in no uncertain terms, that the best of things would never be the two of them together.

Sitting up, he quickly pulled on his clothes and boots before walking outside. It was dark, and he could move faster than the human eye could see. He had to go to Metropolis, had to see for himself that it wasn't their apartment anymore. He flew to where the barrier had been earlier but after putting out his hands to check and encountering only space, put on a burst of super speed and flew to Metropolis, stopping above their apartment building and x-raying down. It wasn't theirs, he'd known it already but he had to see for himself and now he had.

Only last night they were together. Only last night they'd talked and fought and nearly broken up; and now he was further from Lois than he ever had been. The thought that consumed him earlier came back once again; had his world filled in the void of his absence so Lois wasn't missing him because he'd never existed there in the first place. If that is what happened, did it mean that when he went back everything would reset itself as if he'd never been gone, or did it mean that everything that had previously been his would now be lost to him.

No. As before he refused to entertain that thought, Lois was waiting for him, more than likely she'd give him hell for scaring her, but she would be anticipating his return, just as he had been waiting for hers last month. Of course this time there was nothing in the past to connect it to. He hadn't fallen into a coma, he hadn't disappeared off the radar in an instance that couldn't be explained, and this wasn't the past; he was still in the right time just not in the right world.

He flew back to the farm and was lying on the couch a few minutes later. He wanted to go home, he wanted to return to his life, his world, his fiancé, but since that wasn't possible right now, he closed his eyes and brought Lois' face to the forefront of his mind hoping to at least find sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Day: December 29__th_

Lana Kent woke up, turned over and found Clark asleep beside her. So many mornings when she awoke it was to find he'd already left, and then she usually didn't see him until dinner time, and occasionally during the day, so for now she just wanted to enjoy being with him a little longer while he was unaware. She wanted to just look at her husband because she knew that as soon as his eyes opened, he'd get up, shower, eat breakfast and then be off.

Reaching out she carefully rifled her fingers through his hair enjoying the peaceful look of repose on his face. She loved Clark, but wished that she didn't. If he still loved her everything would be ok, but knowing that her feelings were one sided, and his were directed at someone else broke her hear a little bit more every day.

How it had happened she didn't know, but wished that she could understand it, so that she could try and fix it. The day he begged her to marry him, Clark told her that he'd always loved her and always would. He'd told her that wanted them to be together for always. She'd believed him because he'd given her ample proof that his love for her was true. Through all their misunderstandings and upsets, through every set back in their relationship; even her engagement to Lex hadn't been enough to stop Clark believing in them. But it seemed they had different ideas on what the word always meant. She thought always meant until the day they died, but for him always seemed to have had a used by date.

The night they eloped she didn't think it was possible for the human heart to feel so joyous without bursting. They'd been young and in love, and the world was their oyster. Nothing could ever come between them again, nothing could destroy them; nothing.

That day she'd gone to the farm on the pretext of helping Chloe find out what was wrong with Lois, Clark had known that she'd gone there to be with him, to spend time with him. However, when he still refused to tell her the truth after declaring that he loved her, she'd left the Kent farm, driven to Crater Lake and while sitting on the sand decided that she wouldn't waste anymore time or emotion on him. As far as she was concerned they were over with, done. Then she'd had a damned good cry and fallen asleep only to wake up a short time later, to find a woman sitting beside her who was her twin in every way except for her age.

She'd been scared for a minute but it was clear the woman wasn't there to hurt her, and when she revealed that she was her older self from the future, she'd been somewhat fascinated but also afraid.

"Hello Lana." The smile and voice was gentle, but if the eyes really were the windows to the soul, then this woman had clearly suffered.

"I..." She trailed off helplessly, pushed herself up to a sitting position and stared "You look like..."

"You?"

She nodded silently; the woman wasn't giving off any bad vibes but she still felt wary.

"I am."

"But how, why..." She was beautiful, which she supposed was vain of her, but there was no point in saying that she was ugly when she knew that she wasn't; but regardless of that she also looked careworn and drawn, as if life hadn't been kind to her. Her eyes showed determination but there was also a deep sadness that was all the more painful to see, because she knew this woman was her. One day she was going to be this woman with eyes that showed a lot more sorrow than she normally saw every day looking back at her reflection.

"I'll explain everything but please just listen; you can ask questions afterwards alright?" She nodded again, wanting to hear what was going to be said, but dreading it at the same time. She looked at her older self once more and when she began to speak, listened silently to her tale.

Her older self told her everything that had happened in her life, up to the point of her coming to the past then waited quietly for any questions to be put to her.

She felt overwhelmed, bruised and she hurt for both of them. She tried to sort out her thoughts but found it almost impossible, a hundred questions were crowding her head, and she didn't know what to ask first so just began.

"Clark's an alien, a real alien?" At the accompanying nod she shook her head trying to clear it "But...but why didn't he tell me, I thought he was affected by the meteors why didn't he just tell me?"

Her older twin smiled sadly and reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear "He was afraid, he thought if I knew he wasn't human that I'd be disgusted by him, scared, but mostly because his arrival caused the meteor shower when I was a child. He was scared that I'd hate him because of mom and dad."

"But that wasn't his fault; he was just a child himself."

"I know, but fear isn't rational, and he knew how much I still missed mom and dad."

"I thought he was meteor enhanced, I've never really believed in aliens."

"I know." She smiled ruefully "But he is an alien."

"And he's super powered?"

"Yes, he's always used his powers to help people and that's why he's run off on you so often in the past; he's gone to help someone. But in the future, in the time I come from, he uses his powers to help people openly as Superman."

"Superman, that sounds really..."

"Corny?" She nodded and older Lana smiled "It is; Lois named him but it fits. I can't think of a better name for him, not only because of his powers, but because he's good inside, really good. He'll do anything to help others, he really is super."

"You said that he and Lois are engaged."

"Yes."

Hearing it again was just as mind numbing as learning Clark was an alien; she had _never_ seen any indication of romantic feeling between them. "But how did it happen, Lois doesn't seem interested in Clark romantically, and I know that he's not interested in her. I've accused him of not knowing what love is, but even when I said it, I knew that he did love me."

Her older counterpart shrugged cheerlessly "Things change; in my time Lois does love him and he believes that he loves her."

"Clark would never love anyone but me." She replied with absolute assurance.

"I know that too; but when I spurned him and married Lex, it hurt Clark deeply. We became friends again, but the trust was gone. I couldn't trust him not to turn away from me and he couldn't trust me not to turn to someone else. However trust him or not, I loved him and wanted him back, but he said no and then he left Smallville."

"Clark told me today that he'd always be waiting."

Her older self nodded again in resignation "He told me that too but I am you Lana. Eight years ago I sat where you are now, and decided to cut Clark out of my life for good, and I did just that. I married Lex and when my marriage was over a few months later, I found that Clark wasn't waiting for me afterwards and he never wanted me back."

"But..."

"Listen to me. He won't take you back. Right now he believes that he will, but he won't. If you marry Lex, if you continue to persist on the destructive path that you're currently heading down, you will make the exact same mistake I did; and in 8 years time you'll find yourself right where I am, trying to stop yourself from making the same mistake again." Her voice was passionate, the tears streaking her cheeks genuine "Clark _will_ leave Smallville after your divorce, you won't see him for four years, and in the time he's gone he'll convince himself that he never loved you, and the next time you see him no matter what you say, he will believe utterly that he does love Lois." She paused and finished quietly "It will be a never ending circle unless it's broken."

"That's why you came here."

"Yes." She replied simply "I've regretted walking away from Clark for 8 years, and for every day of those 8 years, I wished that I could just go back and stop myself from making the same mistake again." She replied brushing her fingers across her cheeks.

"And now you have."

She shook her head "No, I know that I haven't convinced you yet, but I'm here and I'm willing to stay and answer any questions you have, if only to make you believe that what I'm telling you is the truth. If you marry Lex, you will regret it and it will be too late to cry about it afterwards."

She nodded and asked "You said that Lois is in the Medical Centre because of something that you did, but how can I believe that? Lois is a friend of mine; I would never try to hurt her."

"I didn't set out to hurt Lois or even put her in the Medical Centre, it was a mistake. Right now believe it or not, there are three time lines going at once." At her curious look "There's this one, there's mine in the future, and there's the one where young Lois is in Joanne's body a month ago in my time."

"Joanne and Jo, I can't believe she actually called herself that." She smiled slightly "But you said that young Lois; sorry Jo doesn't want to be engaged to Clark, you said she's trying to get the two of you back together."

"She did try but she failed. However, I also failed when I tried to get Clark to admit that deep in his heart he still loved me. He believes so strongly that he loves Lois that it's almost entrenched in him, just like he is with you now." She sighed deeply and ran shaking fingers through her hair "I pushed him too hard and too fast because I was so sure you see; but Clark's not the kind of person who can just switch his emotions off and on. I don't know if Martha, Chloe and Jo also put pressure on him to stay with Lois or not; but ultimately it made no difference because when he came to see me, I knew that I'd lost. I knew then that he'd never admit to loving me again, no matter what."

She nodded and put forward her next niggling query "Ok, but you said that only a few days ago Clark told you that he and Lois were always meant to be together. But that's...that's what he says about me and him now..." She swallowed hard and finished quietly "...how do you know that he still won't fall for Lois in the future, regardless of anything I do?"

"Do you believe that Clark will ever love anyone but you?" When she opened her mouth, her older self shook her head "Don't give me long speeches or a list of past gripes, just answer the question and answer with your heart, not your head. Do you believe that Clark Kent will ever truly love anyone but you?"

"No."

"That's my answer." Older Lana inclined her head and then elaborated "He was badly hurt and disillusioned by my treatment; and after he left Smallville I also left because I no longer had a reason to stay. So I went to Paris and returned to America a few months after he returned as Superman. However, by then it was far too late because he was already of the conviction that he was in love with Lois." She smiled sadly "He'd had four years to think of what I'd said to him." At the curious look "You know what you said to him today in the barn?" At the enlightening look of comprehension, her older self gave her a tight smile and nod "I said it too. I'd spurned him cruelly, Lois didn't."

She frowned lightly in confusion "But you told me, that he told you that he had to convince Lois to go out with him, so she must have turned him down too."

Her older self gave a light sigh "Firstly, Clark's a man; a nice sweet naive man. I'm sure that Lois let him chase her until she caught him; and secondly, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Unlike us, Lois wouldn't have called him a phoney or mocked his feelings. She would have been smart enough to turn him down with soft words to keep him interested, while she slowly reeled him in." She paused and added softly "But mostly I think it's because I turned him down when he begged me to marry him, and now you have too. I doubt he cared as much when Lois turned him down for a date; there's no comparison you see."

She nodded and asked quietly "Do you think he really does love her?"

"Not really, no." She replied with a shaking her head "I think he wants to, I think he's fond of her but being fond of someone isn't love. He loved me with his whole heart, you know how much Clark loves you; despite your anger at him, despite everything, you know that he'd do anything for you." She nodded in agreement "That's how he was with me. He never would have turned to Lois if I hadn't walked away, but Lois goes after what she wants and what she wanted was Clark, I don't think he stood a chance."

"But when did her feelings for him change, I haven't seen her show any romantic interest in Clark."

"I think they changed a couple of years ago when she saw that he was...infatuated with her. She wasn't getting any younger, nor had she met anyone else, so she probably decided he'd be better than nothing and took him." Her older self looked her dead in the eye "She wanted him and so she took him. Clark's pursued you for years, through all your arguments and disagreements, he's loved you. You saw him today, you heard what he said to you, do you really believe that Clark could love anyone but you?"

"No, even when he wouldn't tell me the truth I didn't doubt that..." She shrugged self consciously "...I just thought he didn't trust me."

"It wasn't you he didn't trust, it was himself; he was scared to believe that you would still love him if you knew everything." Her older self reached out and grasped her hand "He loves you now the way he used to love me; the way I believe he still does deep down." She wiped a hand over her cheek and tried to smile "I think he knows that if he loses Lois he'll be alright, he'll survive but he won't if I break his heart again." She sighed deeply and pressed her lips tightly together "I put him through hell last time and I don't think he's willing to chance it again, so he stays with Lois because being with someone is better than being alone. But Lana you now have the chance to never break his heart at all." She squeezed her hand gently "You have the chance to put all of our lives right."

She nodded slowly "You said that you believe that Lois does love him."

"Yes, but it makes no difference how deep her feelings are for him, it's his feelings that matter. He begged you to marry him Lana, he begged me; Lois had to ASK him to marry her."

"But you told me, that he told you that he had asked her to marry him initially, but she turned him down." She reminded her twin with a slight frown.

"Yes that's what he said."

"You don't believe him?" She asked curiously.

Her older self shook her head and sighed "I think she very nicely tricked him into asking her, refused him sweetly and then gave him a huge boost to his ego by proposing. As I said before, Clark's a man, and he's completely artless. He wouldn't have seen what she was doing, and it would have made him feel really fantastic that a woman was asking him to marry her, instead of the other way around, y'know?"

"Yes." She rubbed her brow "God this is confusing, I like Lois but..."

"But, now that you know that she's going to steal Clark you're starting to have doubts about her."

She nodded slowly and admitted her biggest fear in a soft voice "But I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to hate anyone so much that I could willingly hurt them; I don't want to become like you."

"You won't. Since there won't be all the hurt and betrayal between you and Clark that exists between him and me, Lois won't be able to take him from you because you won't turn him away like I did."

"That's why you hate her so much; you really believe that she took advantage of him?" She was trying to understand how she could ever get to the stage of feeling so much animosity against another, especially someone that she considered a friend.

"Yes, I know that if she hadn't turned on the charm, if she'd just left him alone he would have gotten over his infatuation for her, and come back to me." She took a deep breath and asked quietly "I know that you've been hurt by Clark, but if anyone tried to take advantage of him while he was still reeling from your rejection, would you be inclined to look on them with favour?"

She shook her head "No."

"No." She smiled bleakly "Lois did to Clark what Lex did to us; Lois and Lex are like piranhas, they just wait for someone to bleed before swooping in. Clark hadn't seen Lois in years, so for him so she was like the first pretty girl a boy crushes on y'know." At her nod "But those kind of crushes don't last, he would have gotten over it if she'd just left him alone."

She nodded again in agreement "I can't imagine Clark with anyone but me, even when I've been angry with him and dated other boys I always thought he would wait for me to be ready."

"I think he would have done that, but when I married Lex and turned him away it was the last straw, and if you make the same mistake I did, it will be the end for you too. He won't ever take you back and he will turn to Lois, I found that out the hard way." She reached into her purse, took out a tissue, wiped her eyes and blew her nose "Twice he's told me to stay away from him, twice he's ordered me out of his life."

"You told me that before, but Clark would never..."

"He will Lana, he will." Her voice was definite, and reaching out her older self grasped her hand again and squeezed hard "He won't admit even to himself that he loves me anymore; and in time no matter how often you tell him that you want him back, that you're sorry, that you love him, he'll turn you away just like he did me. He'll stay with Lois because she can't hurt him the way we can."

She let out a deep breath "Ok, I can't imagine that ever happening but ok; so what should I do?"

"He won't come to you, he promised he wouldn't so you'll have to go to him; ask him to tell you the truth and he will."

"How do you know that he will; he never has before now."

"Because he'll know that this time, will be the last time that you'll give him a chance. He'll tell you Lana, but don't sound accusing or angry; just ask."

"Ok, what'll happen do you think?"

"What'd you mean?"

"With your life, what will happen?"

"The spell is kind of complicated but in a nutshell, I'll go back to the future, and our lives will fuse together. I'll cease to exist but not really because we are the same person, do you understand?"

She nodded then shook her head in confusion "But aren't you scared?"

"No, because I won't really be gone I'll be alive. You and I will still be one person, but everything I've done will cease because you'll take the path that I didn't, which will of course affect my future." She smiled reassuringly "I'm not scared at all because my life will be changed for the better."

She nodded in understanding but it seemed scary all the same.

"When I go back I'm going do something to make sure you still have all the memories of my life. I want you to have them because I want you to make sure that you do everything right that I did wrong."

"I'll have your memories?"

"Yes, you won't get them all at once, over time they'll come to you."

"And everyone else?"

"They shouldn't remember anything, but shouldn't isn't definitely. There is a small risk that someone might remember, but it won't be real to them, you know when you get a feeling of déjà vu?" She nodded "It should be no more than that, but maybe you can limit the risks. In my time Clark is Superman; don't let him go and do his training, don't let him become Superman."

"But Superman's good."

"Yes he is, but the more things stay the same between your time and mine, the higher the risks. Superman is a huge part of Clark's life and he affects a lot of people. If he becomes Superman I don't know if anyone else would realise things had been changed or not, but I think Clark definitely would."

"I feel selfish because I want him to help people, but I don't want to lo..." She trailed off unable to finish the thought.

"You don't want to lose him?" She nodded and her older self nodded in return "Believe it or not I do understand, but if Clark and I had never parted or if we'd gotten back together after my divorce from Lex, he never would have become Superman. He only went to Jor-el and did his training when he had nothing left to lose." She shrugged sadly "Lana right now you're all that Clark wants, he doesn't want anything else but a life with you. However, if he can't have that, then he will take what he can get; even if that means a life as Superman with Lois as his wife."

"You don't think he enjoys saving people."

"Of course he does, he's a caring man, but being Superman was never his first choice; helping people was one thing, but giving up his whole life to do something he'd never wanted to do in the first place, wasn't the way he would have chosen his future to be." She blew out a deep breath and confessed quietly "He does the world good as Superman, but what he'd always wanted was a life with me, just a nice ordinary life with me. But after I was free from Lex and the dust had settled, I don't think he cared about what he wanted anymore and just..." She shrugged despairingly "...gave in to Jor-el's demands which effectively sealed his future." She finished quietly "Don't you think he deserves the same chance as everyone else to choose how to live his life?"

"Yes." She replied simply wiping her cheeks "I never realised he had all this going on; pressure from his birth father, feeling so 'alien' for lack of a better word, and of course the pressure I was dumping on him." She laughed miserably.

"He never blamed me for pressuring him because he understood that I didn't know what he was going through, but yes I never gave him an easy time of it."

"And yet he loved me through it all."

"Yes."

"I'm going to find him, I'm going to go back and this time I'm not going to demand he tells me anything, this time I'm just going to ask him, and I'm going to listen."

Her older self smiled and nodded "Thank you."

"What about Lois in the medical centre?"

"When I was engaged to Lex, she woke up on the fifth day, I didn't know then that I was the one who had caused it but I do now, and I know how to fix it. Time isn't concurrent so I'll have time to make sure she wakes up when she should. That gives you over 24 hours between now and then, and I'll have time to do what has to be done."

"How, that doesn't make any sense."

"See for you time is running now, but because I'm in the future and know what has to be done, I'll have time to fix it all, do you understand?"

"Not really it's all a bit too science fictiony to me."

"I know but you will understand one day, because you'll have my memories."

"Thank you for coming, if you hadn't..."

"If I hadn't, everything would be wrong for both of us." She reached over and patted her hand "I'm going to drop the car back to Mr Jenkins; why don't you follow me, drop me back at the shack, and if you have any other questions we can talk before I leave, then you can go and find Clark."

"I do have a few questions about Lex."

Her older self grimaced, and nodded in understanding "I'll tell you everything."

"And I have a few more questions about Clark, about his heritage I mean."

"I'll make sure you know everything before I go."

"I'd appreciate it, and thank you for coming." The two smiled at each other, then hugged and laughed "God, I can't believe that only a couple of hours ago everything was a mess."

"I can't believe that for 8 years my life has been a mess, but the two of us are going to make sure that our lives won't be from now on." They looked at each other and grinned once again.

She'd followed her older self to town, driven her back to the shack, talked for a bit longer and then she was alone, and it was time for her to find Clark. She was scared and nervous, but she loved him, and knowing how much he loved her, knowing the truth gave her the courage to go to him.

And her older self had been right. She remembered that day at Crater Lake clearly, remembered everything she'd done as both her selves, remembered her life the way it used to be the first time she'd married Lex, and the way it now was.

She looked down at Clark's face and smiled softly. He used to love her so much, 8 years ago she didn't believe that she could ever hate Lois, but now she understood. She knew that Lois had stolen him, she remembered Clark ordering her out of his life, remembered how devastated she'd felt at losing him, and she remembered deciding to try the spell and hoping to hell it worked.

And it had, but once again Lois had bewitched her husband, and once again she was fighting to keep him with her. She loved him and knew that he'd never leave her, but she hoped that Lois would soon marry Oliver and leave them both in peace.

When Lois left Smallville to travel she'd breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that the woman was gone, and the day she came back was one of the worst of her life. She didn't even understand why Lois had come back. She'd been gone for five years, and it wasn't like they were best friends, hell after the woman's reaction to their marriage she didn't want her around at all.

She'd already noticed the signs of restlessness in Clark, for the first 15 months or so of their marriage everything had been fine, he still told that he loved her, they still made love, they were still happy. But then things began to slowly change, if it all happened in one big rush she could have talked to him, asked him what was wrong; but it didn't. At first he seemed to be less affectionate, then less attentive. He became a little more distant and less inclined to talk about his day. Their sex life began to dwindle, and when they did make love, there were times that his participation and enjoyment seemed almost false.

When she began to notice the signs of discontent in Clark, she'd called her aunt hoping that Nell could help, give her some advice. Her aunt had explained that Clark was in the settling down phase and it was a natural part of marriage; the intensity and passion changes and mellows. Nell had advised her that everything would be ok, but suggested that maybe she could try spicing up their marriage, by doing little things to let him know that she still desired and loved him, that he was special to her.

So she read a few magazines and looked on the internet for ideas. She'd tried being more affectionate, wearing enticing clothes to bed, tried talking and getting him to open up, tried doing romantic spontaneous things for him. She'd taken him out for a romantic dinner, wrote him little love notes, called him during the day just to say hello and made his favourite meals. She'd tried reaching out to him so many times in so many ways, and felt more of a failure with each attempt that didn't work.

When their intimate life started to decline, she tried to let him know that she wanted to make love, tried showing him that he was still the man she wanted, but after being rejected several times her confidence couldn't take any more rebuffs. At the same time their sex life started to decline, he also began to put more and more distance between them in bed, and that had hurt her more than everything else. At one time he would have done anything to have her near, now he no longer seemed to want her close to him, even while they slept.

It took her a little while to realise he no longer said that he loved her; when she said 'I love you', he'd smile and nod or dance around the words but never actually used them. He hadn't told her he loved her in years, and now he only said 'I do too' but his words rang false.

All of this she could have taken, she could have understood, she'd spoken to her aunt, she'd read books and found that they all said the same thing; that the intensity dies down but it didn't mean that your partner no longer loved you. However, she noticed that after they had been married for four years he began to put even more distance between them while they slept, until there was no longer any contact between them at all.

She still tried to reach out to him by making his favourite meals, finding subjects to chat about that she knew interested him, dressing in clothes that she hoped would either entice, attract or remind him of when he found her alluring. But although he thanked her for the meals, told her she was pretty, and chatted when she instigated conversation, the distance between them didn't diminish rather it got wider with each passing day. He used to find excuses to talk to her, he used to be so assiduous in his attention and ardent in his love for her, but she was no longer the out of reach pretty girl, the long desired girlfriend or the new exciting lover; she was now just the wife. She was his, but he didn't seem to be as thrilled about that as he used to be.

They had been married for a little over five years when Martha called one night after dinner to let them know that Lois was back in America, and that she and Chloe were coming to stay for a few days at the farm. She knew that Clark had been looking forward to spending time with two old friends, and if it had only been Chloe coming she would have enjoyed the visit as well, but knowing Lois was back scared her.

The last time before she'd changed their lives, Clark had come back from his training and soon after believed that he was in love with Lois. This time he was her husband, Lois couldn't take him from her because he was already spoken for, but she was still afraid, and she soon found that she had reason to be.

When they'd gone to the farm for dinner, she'd watched her husband carefully while pretending not to and she saw it. Clark had looked at Lois as if he'd received an unexpected blow, and then he'd shut down, but it was too late because she'd seen and she knew; it was happening all over again.

Dinner that night had been the dinner from hell. She remembered the last time how excited she'd been knowing Clark was coming to stay for the long weekend, how much she was looking forward to seeing Chloe and Lois again after so long. But just as Clark had been attentive to Lois last time, he was once again. He'd hung on to her every word, smiled and laughed, was eager for every detail of what she'd done while away. She'd sat beside her husband pretending to be happy to see Lois, but unable to understand how this could have happened once again. The last time she'd been so certain that Clark would never, could never love Lois. She'd believed utterly that he'd only turned to the woman because she'd spurned him and married Lex, but once again she was forced to watch silently as her husband was captivated by Lois.

Clark had already pulled away from her. They hardly had a sex life, he no longer said he loved her, but she knew that he still cared about her. She was sure that he was just settling down, he just needed time, and he would have re-discovered his love for her if only Lois had stayed away.

Lois seemed unaware of what she was doing, and that just hurt even more. If Lois had been blatant by flirting with him or sent him signals that she was interested, she could have slapped the woman down for coming onto her husband. But Lois didn't say or do anything that she could reprimand her for without sounding like an insecure jealous wife, and it was from that point forward that she began to actively dislike the other woman.

For the first time in a long time she tried to instigate sex with Clark that night. She was hoping to get her Clark back, hoping he'd remember how much he'd always wanted her, but he turned her down. She tried everything; tried to entice him, tried to be romantic, even came straight out and asked him to make love, but no matter what she said or did he said no, and eventually she'd fallen asleep crying.

While the two women visited with Martha she stayed busy, keeping away from the farm as much as she could without being obvious that she was avoiding them. She wanted to be at the farm, wanted to keep an eye on Clark, but was afraid of doing or saying anything that would show her insecurity, thereby giving Lois the upper hand whether she knew about it or not.

On the day Lois left she thought the worst was over, thought that she could finally relax and breathe a sigh of relief; her fears had proven groundless. Lois had come and was now gone. Clark had had a temporary infatuation for the woman that would soon blow over, and all would be well, their lives could now get back on track.

But all wasn't well, Clark became quieter, almost morose, a couple of times she'd rung the farm to talk to him, only to be told by Martha that he hadn't arrived, then one night shortly after Lois left, she woke up to the sound of Clark's voice only to find him fast asleep. His voice was quiet, almost hushed but it was dead quiet in the house except for his voice and she heard him. She lay beside him with tears streaming down her cheeks, listening to him talking to Lois. After several minutes she'd gotten up, pulled on her robe, walked into the lounge room, collapsed onto the couch and cried into a cushion. Although he'd referred to her as Ms Lane, his voice had been so warm and affectionate.

That not only hurt, but scared her deeply. In the time before Clark was only ever formal with people he was close, when he was presenting the Superman veneer publically.

The one time he'd asked her if he could go to Jor-el and do his training, she'd been terrified that if she let him break his promise to her, he would remember his previous life. She'd cried and begged, pleaded and almost made herself sick with fear until he'd finally agreed not to go. She knew that as Superman he could do the world a lot of good, but she didn't want to lose him. She didn't want him to become Superman if it meant that he remembered how his life had been and leave her to try to get Lois back. If he went to Lois she knew that he would discover it wasn't Lois he loved or needed, but her heart couldn't take the anguish of him being with Lois, while she waited patiently for him to realise that the woman he was meant to be with, had been with him all along.

But his dream scared her even more than when he asked if he could break his promise. He had to have been dreaming of Superman, otherwise he would have referred to the Lois by her first name. The only thing she could do was hope that his dream was a one off, the result of which was due to Lois' visit, and that not only would he not remember it, but that it would never be repeated. She recalled that at most if anyone had any recollections they should be nothing more than a flash of déjà vu, and could now only pray that her assessment had been right.

When Martha told them that Lois was coming to visit seven months later, Clark was different, happier but she didn't share her husband's enthusiasm. However, when they joined Martha and Lois for dinner on the Saturday night, the roles were reversed by the arrival of Oliver Queen. As soon as Oliver walked into the dining room she could tell that his interest in Lois had been rekindled; and one look at Clark's face before he shut down was enough to confirm that he was not only aware of it, but jealous. Clark now became quiet and she animated.

After Martha went to bed and it was just the four of them, Oliver and Lois talked and laughed about their previous relationship. She urged them to share stories, hoping Clark would see that Lois wasn't the kind of woman that could interest him romantically. Years before Clark had thought Lois much too frivolous, her inane chatter annoying; she wanted him to see that Lois hadn't changed. Lois didn't take anything seriously, nor was she the type of woman who would give her heart unreservedly. Oliver and Lois' relationship sounded like it was mostly about fun, having a good time. It was clear that even years before she and Clark had been more mature in their outlook on life and love. Their relationship had been built on deep emotional feelings. They'd had their fun times, but they had both known that to make a relationship work, you needed more than just carefree recreation, and they had striven to make that connection with each other.

She hoped that by getting the couple to talk about their past relationship, her husband's eyes would once again be opened, and he'd see that Lois was the same frivolous woman that used to annoy him so much previously. However, her efforts seemed to have been in vain and she couldn't understand why. Clark used to hate the way Lois was so nonchalant, never taking life seriously, jumping from pillar to post, unsure of what she wanted to do; but if he still felt that way then she couldn't see it. He mostly remained quiet while they all laughed and talked only putting in the odd word here and there; and when Oliver left and Lois confronted Clark about inviting her ex-boyfriend to dinner as a set up, the look on his face had been one of dumfounded stupefaction.

When Martha told them that Oliver and Lois were dating 8 months later, she felt her shoulders relax. She'd known by the look on Oliver's face when he walked into the dining room that it would only be a matter of time before he and Lois were back together, and she'd been heartily grateful upon hearing the news. Clark wished them well, but she saw the flash of sadness in his eyes before he left to refill the water jug, and she hoped that this time he would put the woman behind him once and for all.

Almost two years later they received an invitation to a party that Lois was throwing for Oliver's birthday, and she didn't know what to do. In the two years things hadn't improved in their marriage, instead they had steadily declined. Clark had become ever more distant, he hardly ever smiled and even then it was only with his lips and not his eyes. He became even quieter, unwilling to talk except about the most banal of subjects, he left the house earlier in the morning and came home later in the evening. He didn't seem to be interested in what she did during the day and when she talked about it, he smiled and nodded but his interest appeared forced; when she asked about his day, he shrugged and said it was the same as every other day.

She'd read so many books and articles, trying to find helpful advice on what to do but no matter what she tried, things didn't improve. One article had good advice but instead of following it to the letter she adapted it in the hopes it would be enough. The article advised the woman to ask her husband if they still loved them, and if the answer was no, to offer him a separation in the hopes of winning him back by being more confident, less dependent, taking up hobbies, all in a bid to show him that she could do fine on her own. She'd been too apprehensive to ask him outright if he still loved her, because if he told her that he wanted a separation, and she gave him one, she wasn't sure that he would come back to her. She wished that she could believe that he would, but was more afraid that he wouldn't. So she became more confident instead; she didn't cling to him, didn't demand he be home at a certain time, she attended a couple of adult education night classes at the school, and was not only grateful but happy when he insisted on dropping her of and picking her up afterwards.

He tried to pretend that he was happy; he told her how much he enjoyed the meals she cooked, told her that she was pretty and complimented her on the way she dressed. He listened when she chatted about the classes she was taking; and asked questions but his eyes held indifference rather than interest, and seeing that was more painful than if he'd told her he was miserable.

What cut the deepest was their sex life or lack of one; it had become rare for them to have sex, and when they did it could no longer be called making love. She'd read all the advice which basically came down to three things, 'hang in there he'll get over it' or 'he's the rare kind of man who's not interested in sex' or 'talk to him about what she wanted because he wasn't a mind reader'. She didn't think he was the kind of man not interested in sex, but wanted to know how she was supposed to tell him that she was unsatisfied, when it was clear that he wasn't even thinking of her when they had sex. She wanted to slap him for that, wanted to demand his attention stay on her. This was something that was theirs; it was the one thing that was still exclusively theirs; and the pain of knowing that she had been reduced to nothing more than a body hurt more than everything else put together. So when he made it sex, she made it love hoping that one day if she just hung in there, he would pull out of the thrall Lois had him in, and find his way back to her again.

So when the invitation to Oliver's party arrived she didn't know what to do, she couldn't think of any reason to say no, but didn't want to say yes. If Lois wasn't attending she would have been happy to go, but as it was Lois' party for Oliver; she would most definitely be there. She never brought Lois up and neither did he. She had previously put Clark's infatuation for Lois down to nothing more than feelings for a pretty woman fostered by a man who was feeling a little restless; but wasn't sure if his seeing Lois again would be a good thing or not.

He might see Lois again and discover his 'thing' for the woman had been a temporary aberration that he was now over, or his feelings for her could once again be rekindled. If that happened it would be all the harder to reach him, and almost impossible for him to face that Lois was just a catalyst. She wasn't the woman he loved, his feelings for her weren't real; they were just something he used to prevent himself from settling down to married life.

So she put off answering the invitation and when Lois called asking if they were coming as she hadn't received a response, Clark demanded to know why she hadn't replied after he'd hung up the phone, and she made the excuse of being busy and forgetting.

They had argued and ended up having the most intense satisfying sex they had engaged in, in almost six years. She wanted to cry in happiness; her Clark was coming back to her, he couldn't have made love to her the way he had if he no longer loved her. She had fallen asleep in his arms for the first time in nearly five years absolutely content. Confident that all they had needed was a good yelling match and great sex to get them back on track. But that night he talked in his sleep once again, she heard his voice and had just begun to answer him when she realised that he wasn't talking to her, he was talking to Lois, asking her to forgive him, and that was when she knew; he hadn't been making love to her at all.

He must have realised it too because for the next few days he was almost beside himself with guilt. He didn't even pretend to be happy; he didn't smile or talk and found it near impossible to be near her. A few days later he apologised and tried to let her know that he wouldn't blame her if she wanted to leave him. She'd been hurt and still was, but had let him know that she still loved him, and would never abandon him. They had talked all without once mentioning the incident directly, and she was glad when he finally understood that her love for him wasn't fair weathered, and the crisis appeared to be past.

A week later they attended the party, and the first thing Clark did was seek out Lois, and her wishes were once again in vain. She'd hoped that he'd see Lois and realise that he felt nothing more than apathetic disinterest, but he didn't. There wasn't an expression she wasn't familiar with on her husband's face, so she was aware that that while they ate, danced, and chatted with other people his attention was wholly on Lois. When Lois and Oliver came over and requested that the two couples switch partners, she wanted to tell the woman to get lost, and leave her husband alone, but Clark had already accepted and if she refused, she would only look like a jealous shrew.

She made polite small talk with Oliver, her feet moved automatically to the music, but her eyes watched Lois and her husband, and her heart ached. Clark used to look at her with longing and sorrow; he'd been sweet and tried to please. With Lois he was different; he was laughing and playful one moment, but when Lois was unaware, his eyes closed and his face became set, intense, as if he was trying to consume her into himself.

He looked as if he was possessive of Lois, and she knew that even when he'd chased after her, when he'd kidnapped her and begged her to marry him; he had never looked at her like that. He'd looked at her with want, determination and pleading but not possession. He looked as if he wanted to own Lois body and soul; make her his. She couldn't stop the black jealousy from rising that she'd never aroused the deeper, stronger or darker emotions in Clark that Lois had; and it was from this point that her hatred of the woman began to grow.

She was grateful they hadn't stayed at the apartment, glad that Clark had insisted on staying at a hotel for the night and was thankful when the party wound down and they left. The next day they picked up his mom from Oliver's' place and that had been the last night they had seen Lois. She kept hoping to receive an invitation to Lois and Oliver's engagement party, kept praying the woman would call and inform them she was getting married, but so far her prayers and hopes had come to nought.

She wanted to believe that Clark's infatuation of Lois was simply the result of feeling restless after being married for 8 years but she knew it wasn't. She tried desperately to cling to the belief that Clark would realise it wasn't Lois he wanted, that he would look at her one day and rediscover that it was her that he still loved, but so far he hadn't and deep in her heart she was afraid that he never would again.

She wished that she had the courage to leave him, to walk away but she would only do that, under the assurance that he would follow her to bring her back. If he'd been brutal, stern, spoken to her harshly, her love for him would have died and she could have moved on. He'd been neglectful and careless on occasion, he'd unknowingly hurt her, but he'd never deliberately treated her unkindly. He never tried to stop her if she wanted to buy something, never stood in her way if she wanted to take up a hobby, he still told her she was pretty, still thanked her for the things she did for him, but she also knew that he didn't love her as he used to. She didn't know if she was pathetic for holding onto him, but she did know that every marriage took work, so kept hoping that one day her Clark would come back to her.

Then yesterday afternoon when she called Clark to ask him what he wanted for dinner and he'd told her about the guest who was staying with his mom, her heart began to hammer in her breast. This Clark from another world could be the best thing that ever happened to her marriage, or he could be the worst. He could be bitterly unhappy with his life because he and her counterpart didn't marry, making Clark realise they had been lucky, or he might be happy with his life if he wasn't tied down, making Clark wish that he wasn't either.

If Clark ever found out that she had changed their lives, fixed their past, she knew that she would lose him. He would see her actions as being nothing more than deceit, rather than desperation born of her love for him and the desire to set history right.

She'd been apprehensive when Lois returned, she'd been hurt and scared by Clark's infatuation with her, but now she was truly frightened. Deep in heart she somehow knew that this man was going to be instrumental in taking Clark away from her in a way that nothing else could have done.

Lana was brought out of her musings when her husband began to stir. Quickly pushing back the covers she climbed out of bed, grabbed her robe and went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, before stepping back into the bedroom to find Clark sitting up on the side of the bed.

"Good morning." When he turned to face her she smiled hoping that the clenching of her stomach, and the fear she was harbouring wasn't showing on her face.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Clark woke up reluctantly clinging to the last vestiges of sleep, trying to put off waking up as long as possible, he didn't want to open his eyes and face the day. He was glad that Smallville's presence hadn't stopped his dreams, but having to face the revelation from last night's dream was hard and cut deep. He could hear Lana in the bathroom and was glad of the few minute's privacy he'd been granted to pull everything inside himself before having to face her.

When he heard the click of the door, he wiped his face clear of anything except sleepy eyed morning confusion, and squeezed his eyes shut tight at hearing the wrong voice that was the right voice in real life behind him.

"Good morning."

Turning around he stretched his lips into a smile "Good morning, did you just wake up as well?"

"Yeah, I found it hard to get to sleep last night, so slept in a bit later today too."

He nodded and got up stepping towards the bathroom "I'll just have a quick shower and get dressed."

"Ok, I'll get breakfast ready." She put her hand on his arm, stopping him from walking around her, then stood on tip toe and brushed her lips across his cheek.

He smiled, stepped into the bathroom, and stepped out a few minutes later with a towel wrapped around his waist, grabbed some clothes, dressed and rejoined Lana in the kitchen.

While she was cooking, he set the table, sliced the bread, grabbed the butter and jam, poured them both a cup of coffee then took a seat at the table where she rejoined him minutes later with two bowls of oatmeal "Thanks."

She smiled and bobbed her head; there was little conversation while they ate other than a request for the butter or jam, offers of more coffee until they were replete.

"Have you found out anything more about your double?"

"No, Chloe's staying with mom for a few days to hopefully think up ways to get him home, but by the time I'd left we were all still in the dark." He shrugged off hand.

"I'm assuming Chloe's here because of her fascination with all things weird years ago?"

"Yeah."

"You still don't know how it happened?"

"No, he said that he was feeling fine and then he wasn't, and when he flew over the farm he felt some kind of barrier but couldn't get through it, and then it was just gone."

"What kind of barrier?" She asked frowning.

"The invisible kind." He replied with a light smile "But either way, one minute he was in his own universe and now he's in ours."

She nodded and asked the next question, holding her breath at the answer "Is he exactly like you, I mean does his life mirror yours?"

Clark shook his head and she saw a flash in his eyes before it was gone "No, we started talking to find out what was different, and it seems that our lives were the same until you and I got married."

"He's not married to my counterpart in his world?" She asked carefully.

"No, the Lana in his world married Lex."

"Is she still married to him?"

He shook his head "No, they got divorced a few months later."

She smiled and reached forward to place her hand over his "I was the smart one, I married the right man."

He gave her a perfunctory smile in return, and slipped his hand clear to pick up his cup "Anyway, it seems that from the point when you and I got married, is when his and my life diverged, but how we're going to get him home again we don't know."

She nodded masking her hurt at his evasion to her touch "I have to work at the real estate office today, but I'll come to the farm afterwards, and maybe we can all have dinner and talk about it. I can try and help; if he's still here I mean." He nodded and smiled thanks "Tell your mom to give me a call if she'd like me to bring something for dinner. She might like a hand with us, your double and Chloe there I mean."

"Lois will be there too." He informed her, turning the coffee cup absently on the table and looking down into the dregs of the mug.

"Lois?"

He bobbed his head and looked out the window before turning back "Yeah, she was going to spend a few days with Chloe in Metropolis, but as Chloe's helping my twin, Lois will be joining them at the farm."

"I see, ok well...well tell your mom I'll bring something, but I won't arrive until about 5, that will give me time to cook something quick after I get home from work." Pushing her chair back she grabbed the bowls and turned to the sink.

He blew out a soft breath, grabbed the dirty cups and cutlery placed them on the side of the sink, put away the food, and wiped down the table "I'll see you later ok."

She nodded, turned around, stepped forward and slipped her arms around his waist, hugging him tight "I love you Clark."

He returned the embrace then pulled away "I know." He replied and kissed her cheek then stepped over to grab the keys for the truck from the peg "I'll see you at mom's tonight, ok." And with that he quietly left the house.

When she heard the truck pull out, she sat back down at the kitchen table, leant her elbows on the surface and rubbed her brow. She felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. When Cark said his double hadn't married her, she still didn't know if that was good or bad, but now she also had to contend with the fact that Lois was coming.

She didn't know what to be more scared off; Clark's double who for reasons unknown terrified her; or Lois who would only confuse her husband by being around. She wanted to be at the farm and she didn't, she wanted to keep Lois away from her husband, but had no excuse to do so.

Why couldn't Lois just stay in Star City; every time she was around, Clark became quieter and pulled away from her just a little bit more, sometimes she felt like she was only holding onto him with her fingertips.

No matter how much she didn't want to see it, she knew that her husband was susceptible to Lois; and she was afraid. Before she had changed their lives, she'd known that Lois had loved Clark; and every time the woman was around her husband, the kernel of fear bloomed in her heart, that somehow Lois would remember her love for him, recall that they had been engaged, and try to steal him once again.

She hadn't bothered to keep up with the magic; the only spell she could remember clearly was the one that had helped her to change everything. She'd studied and learnt it off by heart, how to do it the first time and how to change everything back.

She had never used magic on Clark. The day she married him she'd promised herself she would never be deceitful by using magic on him, so when her older self's memories began to filter into her mind, she'd kept the life experiences but let the magic go. She'd kept her promise, even when he began to pull away from her and she'd never gone back on her word. She had been tempted, she'd come close a time or two, but she hadn't given in. She wanted him to give her his love with both hands, not blindly because she'd induced him to do it.

God why hadn't she kept up with the magic, she still had the book, she'd left it behind the day she'd come as her older self, thinking that she wouldn't need it when she returned to her own time, but hadn't wanted to lose all the knowledge the book contained. She used to know a few simple spells that didn't require the help of the book, but the things she had known then were simple, and it had been 8 years since she'd last used magic at all.

Considering she'd purposely let the memories go, and hadn't done anything with magic in so long, she felt like she had all the magical ability of a rock.

She could try to learn it again, but didn't know if she had the time and what was the point anyway. It seemed that no matter what she did, Clark was going to love Lois regardless. All she could hope for was that once this was all over, Lois would marry Oliver, Clark's twin would go back to his own world, and Clark would rediscover his love for her.

If need be she'd get the book out and try to find something that could help, rubbing her hands hard over her face she looked out the window and considered. The last time around she'd taken everyone's memories but couldn't recall how to do that.

If she had to reverse everything she could, but then she'd once again be alone. Her magic would be back, but she wouldn't have Clark; right now she didn't know if she had him at all anyway.

oOo

Clark pulled over to the side of the road wondering which way he should go, if he turned left he'd go to the farm, if he turned right, he could park his truck in its usual spot away from prying eyes and fly to the fortress. He looked at the time on the dash and noted it was almost 7am, usually he was awake and out of the house by 6, so he was already running an hour behind. He could go to the fortress later; he could make an excuse and slip away for an hour or two. If he went now he'd find it hard to leave, but later Lois was arriving and he wouldn't want to go then.

Fortress or farm; after a few more minutes of indecision he swung the wheel right, and drove until he came to the driveway of the farmers market and feed store, pulled in and parked in the furthest spot he could find, got out and after checking no one was around dashed to the back of the building. Ok, this wasn't his usual spot but it was the best one for now, at least if anyone should see the truck, they'd think he was in the market somewhere, or if Lana or anyone from the farm called wondering where he was, he had an excuse for not being at the farm yet, and gave himself a mental reminder to purchase something before going to his mom's.

After making sure that no one was around, he sped through the back lot, cut through the meadow, and after one last quick look around, flew as fast as he could to the fortress, landed, walked in and strode straight to his room, opened and closed the door at his back and breathed a sigh.

Here, this is where he belonged; the farm felt real but this place was the only place that was both real and where he found peace. It wasn't exactly like his and Lois' apartment in his dreams but it was close. He looked around the room, his eyes bouncing from one piece of furniture to the next, over the nick nacks and photos, stopped at the space where there should be a kitchen, bounced to where there should be balcony doors and sighed; it didn't matter. It wasn't perfect but it was close and that was enough.

He walked through the archway into the bedroom and once again his eyes took in everything. He had the queen size bed with burgundy and cream bedding but no one to share it with, the drapes and filmy curtains but no balcony doors. He had the colour of the furnishings right, there was the mirror and the dresser, the little table with two plush seats, the Chinese cabinet but no mini fridge, and there was no ensuite, but it was as close as he could get to their apartment, and it felt like home.

Logically he knew it made no sense, he was married to Lana, they had lived in their house for a little over 5 years, but everything about his life with her, their marriage, their home felt wrong; it was only here that he felt a sense of reality.

Sighing again he walked over and sat at the little table, picked up his journal and pen and began to write down his dream. Every detail was recorded; his thoughts and feelings, the clothes they wore, the harsh words they'd spoken, the apologetic softer ones when they made up and when they made love afterwards.

In his dreams they had made love many times; he could remember everything, every sensation. The feeling of her body against his, her touch, how it felt to be wrapped around her, moving within her; everything. They had loved in laughter, in anger, impatience and softness. He'd never ever forget one moment of his dreams, but if anything should happen, if his memory did start going in later years, all he'd have to do is read his journals to bring it all back.

He closed the journal, walked over and sat on the side of the bed, slipped off his shoes then lay down. He turned over to face the empty space beside him, reached out and stroked his hand over the sheets as his eyes filled with tears. Maybe Lois would have loved him, maybe she wouldn't have, but she'd never know how much he loved her because he'd never get the chance to tell her except in his dreams.

Lois and he belonged together, and knowing it caused his heart to hurt. He'd give anything to experience in reality just once, what his dream self did. To look into Lois' eyes while they made love, to touch her, feel her hands on him, her skin against his, to be deep inside her and have the right to say 'I love you' and hear her say it back to him.

He didn't know if seeing her now would hurt more than before his twin's arrival. He didn't think he could bear to see Lois and Smallville together, knowing that his twin had experienced everything with Lois that he'd give anything to experience just once.

He turned back to the nightstand, picked up the photo frame and looked at the picture. His mom had taken some photos at Oliver's birthday party, and he'd offered to drop her camera off at the shop. He'd driven to his usual spot, parked then quickly flew across the country to the photo shop that handled all his business. Once there he took his time selecting the few pictures that he wanted spliced and put back together of him and Lois; requested one complete set to be printed for his mom, then left and returned to pick them up the following day. The shop owner handed him two packets, one for his mom and one for him then he'd quietly passed over a third envelope without a word.

He'd looked at the man curiously, picked up the envelope, opened the flap, pulled out the photo and his eyes had flown to the man's face before once again fixing themselves on the picture.

"It's real." The man said quietly.

He nodded knowing that it was, but was unable to comprehend how he'd missed it the day before "Is it..."

"It's the only one, when I saw it I figured that you'd want it given the other pictures that I doctor for you." He'd looked at the man's face, saw sad understanding on his features and nodded quietly before looking down at the picture once again.

"Thank you." He replied softly, his eyes tracing over every particle of the treasure in his hand.

"I've never asked sir, but it's clear that you love this woman; have you tried to tell her."

He looked up and shook his head wearily "I can't, but thank you for this."

The man nodded and after paying what was owed, he'd returned to his apartment at the fortress, dropped off his photos and returned to the farm to give his mom her set.

He loved this picture, loved that it wasn't the result of trick photography. This photo had been snapped while he and Lois were dancing; they looked happy, they looked like they were enjoying themselves, but if anyone saw it, there would be no doubt in their minds that he was in love with the woman in his arms.

He loved that this picture wasn't something that had been created, it wasn't a figment from his dreams, it was genuine and that made it all the more special to him. He traced his fingers over Lois' face and wished that her expression matched his, but it was enough that he had one picture of them that was real. One picture where his love for her was displayed openly, and was grateful that he could keep it in the one place that no one would ever get to see it except for him.

"I love you baby." His voice was soft as he once more traced his eyes over her face before setting the picture back on the bedside table. He glanced at his watch, mentally cued up how long he could stay, switched on the cd player and closed his eyes.

oOo

Smallville opened his eyes, stared at the ceiling and sighed; he'd hoped that this situation was just a nightmare but he'd known that it wasn't. If it was he would have woken up in bed with Lois, and as the couch was nowhere near as comfortable as their bed, he'd known where he was even before he'd opened his eyes.

He wondered if Lois had gotten any sleep last night, or if she was frantically pacing their apartment smoking like a chimney, uncaring that anyone could see her, while his mom and Chloe tried to keep her calm. Lois wasn't a calming person; she'd be getting more and more uptight and taking his mom and her cousin along for the ride.

He couldn't wait to discover if Lana was responsible, he had to know and then he had to figure out how she'd done it so that he could go home. He wanted to confide in someone but now that he knew Clark wasn't happily married, and his mom and Chloe were well aware of that fact, how could he say anything without making his twin feel even more wretched then he already did.

Clark said that Lana had changed her mind and come back to him after initially refusing him. The problem was he didn't know if her older counterpart had somehow managed to give her younger self memories of her life, so that she did marry Clark thus creating two worlds, or if her younger self had just changed her mind and returned. But either way, how could he tell Clark that when Lois was in the medical centre, her younger self was in her older self's body, and she had been engaged to him.

Clark would only hurt more knowing that Lois had been his fiancée, but he'd lost her because he'd married Lana when he was still a boy. Sighing deeply he scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed.

He believed that Lana was responsible for bringing him here, but he didn't have any proof. Also he had to take into account that weird things used to happen in Smallville all the time, so there was no denying that Lana might not have had anything to do with it at all; but he still thought that she did.

Screw it, he'd go to the fortress, if it wasn't Lana then hopefully Jor-el would be able to help him get back to his own world. If that didn't pan out, he'd have to assume it was Lana and take it from there.

He dashed upstairs, had a quick shower then flew as fast as he could to the fortress.

When he walked inside he looked around amazed that it looked exactly like his own. He knew this was a different world but he kept expecting to see differences and not finding any was decidedly strange. Everything was the same; well things, houses, the farm, the fortress were the same, even people were the same to some extent, only their lives were different; but it wasn't his place and he felt slightly out of step with everything.

Deciding not the let himself become distracted, he called out to Jor-el hoping that somehow his father could help him.

"Jor-el."

"Hello my son."

"Father, something's happened and I need your help, please."

"I know why you have come my son. You are hoping to find answers to what has caused the changes in your world."

He shook his head realising that Jor-el didn't understand and he'd have to begin explaining "No father, this isn't my world. There's another Clark here, and this is his world. I need your help to get back to my own world."

"This is your world my son. You and the other Kal-el are the same person."

"What?" He felt his mouth go dry at what Jor-el had implied.

"You were one being, but someone has tampered with the past, changing what was, this has resulted in you being split in two. Now there are two Kal-el's who took two different paths in life, but there is still only one world."

"Are you saying that I don't have a world to go back too?" His heart began to pound in his breast at Jor-el's revelation.

"Yes my son; and you must find a way to correct what was done to make all right again."

He nodded and blew out a breath getting his thoughts in order. He needed to clarify everything and hoped that he'd just misunderstood what Jor-el had said, but knew that he hadn't.

"So whoever changed the past must have attempted to change everything, but they made a mistake and because of what they did, I was split in two and my life has effectively been stolen."

"Yes."

"So now there are two Kal-el's. Myself who knows my true past and the way my life should be now, and the other Kal-el who split off from me, but who now has a different past and life to me."

"Yes."

"This is my world, and it will stay this way unless I correct whatever was done to change it."

"Yes."

He walked around the room, scrubbing his hands hard over his face, when Jor-el's voice brought him to a halt.

"My son, as the past is an event that has already happened, it should never be interfered with hastily. You learnt that many years ago, when you tried to change the results of an incident that had already happened."

"My dad" he said softly; feeling his heart ache for the father he'd lost through his selfishness.

"The passing of Jonathan Kent should not have happened, but just as you decided to change what had already gone before and as such the results were even more damaging, this is just such another event."

He nodded in agreement, swallowing hard to suppress the lump that rose in his throat "I know; I shouldn't have played with time, I didn't have the right."

"No Kal-el you did not, but just as you attempted to avert what the universe had already decided upon, the person who has caused this, has likewise attempted to change the past for their own reasons. Remember my son, why you wish to change what has gone before, be it for noble or selfish reasons do not matter. The past is history, it is an event that is now gone and it should not be toyed with selfishly or unadvisedly, or before great consideration has been given of the impact the change will have on the future."

He blew out a deep breath and nodded again then confirmed Jor-el's earlier words "But if I change things now, then won't I just be playing with time again."

"No my son you will not. You will be putting right what has gone wrong; you will be correcting something that should never have come about."

"So to get my life back and return it to how it should be, I'll have to undo or fix whatever caused it."

"Yes, you and the other Kal-el must work together to secure both your futures."

"I don't know anything about magic or time travel or how to fix it, but if I don't do something then this world will stay the way it is and there will always be two of me."

"Yes, but a warning Kal-El it will not be easy."

"Easy, I don't even know how to start figuring out how to fix it. I don't even know if I have the right to mess with the other Clark's life, but if it's my life and I want it back."

"My son, his life is not the way it should be, many things have changed as a result of what has happened, but I know the truth. I know how the world should be because my program was not altered by the circumstances surrounding you. His life is the wrong one."

He raked his hand through his hair "I know that he's unhappy but how do I explain to him that he shouldn't even exist."

"He should exist; he has as much right to life as you do Kal-el. When all has been corrected the two of you will merge back into one person, and once again become the man you should be, instead of two separate entities."

"Yesterday I felt the most burning excruciating pain rip slowly through my body. Could it be because he was created from me; he was effectively torn out of me?"

"Yes."

He blew out a deep breath and was just about to ask another question when he heard the faint sound of music, and cocked his head to the side "Jor-el I..." He stopped and listened once again "I have to go and check something."

Walking from the control room he followed the music, but when it became fainter he reversed direction and walked back again, and that was when he saw it. A doorway he never would have found if he hadn't followed the music. It had clearly been constructed by human or not so human hands, and it was very well concealed; no one would ever find it.

When he swung the door open he found himself in an antechamber that looked like it went nowhere, but he followed the music, and after turning down several corridors, bypassing room after room, he finally found what he was looking for; a room that he never would have thought to look for. He could hear the music faintly through the door and pushed it open, only to lean against the wall as his legs almost folded under him. If he didn't know he was in the fortress, if it wasn't for a few things that were different, he'd swear he was in his apartment.

His eyes took in everything while his heart began to thunder at what he was seeing. God, he didn't know whether Clark had felt wretched being in this room or at peace, but he obviously spent a lot of time here because the place looked lived in.

He walked quietly around the room, his eyes taking in the photos of him and Lois. A few were photos of when they were younger, some were obviously quite recent as they were both older; none of them were the same as those in their apartment but they were similar. And each one showed the same thing, two people who were a couple. He knew that when he and Lois were younger they had never had their photo taken, either posed or candidly while they looked at each other romantically, so could only assume that Clark had taken photos of when they were looking at other people, and had them doctored so it appeared like they were looking at each other.

He walked to the bookcase his fingers trailing over the spines, reading the same titles that were in his bookcase. Stepping quietly his fingers ran over the coffee table, the armchairs and couch. He stopped in front of the kitchen table and rifled through a few bound volumes and found newspaper articles all written by Lois and the lump in his throat got bigger.

Scrubbing his hand through his hair, he walked back to the bookcase, and plucked out a leather bound volume expecting to find more newspaper articles. However, when he opened the cover and saw that it wasn't newspaper clippings, he began to read and realised it was Clark's personal journal. He had begun to close it, when the words leapt out at him and staggering to the couch he all but collapsed into the cushions.

The journal sat open in his lap while he stared sightlessly into space. After several minutes he closed the book, stood up and followed the sound of music through the doorway and stopped short on the threshold. His eyes swept over the bed and its sleeping occupant, over the furniture and furnishings but this time he wasn't surprised at what he saw, just incredibly sad.

Stepping back into the lounge room he walked to the bookcase, plucked another journal from it, checked the date, and began to grab all of them, going back to the bookcase time and again until all the journals were stacked on the floor beside the couch. Picking up the book he'd retrieved earlier, he placed it where it belonged in date order with the others and then began to speed read through them. One was read then another and another; his eyes flew over the words, his heart hurt at what he was reading. He ignored the tears slipping down his cheeks, and kept slashing the back of his hand over his eyes but didn't stop reading until all the journals that had been sitting on the floor were now stacked on the coffee table finished.

Once done he sank deeper into the couch, tilted his head back and closed his eyes, unaware that he was being observed until he heard the quiet voice behind him "Now you know."

oOo

Clark woke up surprised that he'd fallen asleep; he'd intended to just close his eyes for a little while then head to the farm but that obviously hadn't happened. He stared at the ceiling, while his heart and mind came to peace with the revelation that he'd woken up with. He didn't have time to think about it earlier, Lana had entered the bedroom within minutes of his waking, and all he'd had time to do was to pull everything inside himself and lock down tight. But now he did have the time and truthfully; even if he didn't, he'd take it anyway because he had to.

Last night he dreamt that he and Lois had argued; their fight seemed to spring out of nowhere. One moment everything was fine and the next they were yelling at each other and suddenly there was a chasm between them that had never existed previously; a gulf so vast that he only tried to bridge it when Lois flung her engagement ring at him and told him to go back to Lana.

And that was when it happened; his real self merged with his dream self and he was both Lois' fiancé and Lana's husband at one and the same time, and he'd chosen Lois. And now he knew. If Lois would have him, he'd leave Lana and go to her. He wouldn't think about it, wouldn't let guilt stop him, and that was what made him feel so wretched. His sorrow wouldn't be because he'd hurt Lana, but knowing that no matter how much it hurt her, he'd do it anyway; and wouldn't regret it as long as he had Lois.

He never thought he could do that but all this time he'd been fooling himself. He'd only ever imagined 'what if' he was single could he win Lois for his own. But he'd never once stopped to consider what would happen, if Lois loved and wanted him while he was married to Lana. But now he had to face the truth. He loved Lois more than pride, more than shame; and if she ever wanted him, he was hers.

Turning over on his side, he picked up the frame, held it in his hand and looked at the picture of them holding each other while they danced, his hand lifted to trace over her face but dropped when he felt something pulling at him. Placing the frame back carefully on the night stand he frowned and concentrated hard but couldn't put his finger on what seemed wrong. The apartment was quiet except for the soft music playing, but he felt exposed, naked and didn't like the sensation. Getting up quietly, he padded to the doorway between the two rooms, and understood the feeling of vulnerability he'd experienced moments before.

Smallville was on the couch and by the looks of it, he'd read nearly every journal that had been in the bookcase. He watched as his twin finished reading one book, placed it on the stack that was already residing on the coffee table, reached down to pick up another, read it, placed it on the coffee table and then automatically reach for another.

He padded back to the bedroom, slipped his shoes back on and returned to stand still in the doorway. He couldn't decide if he felt good or bad that his sanctuary had been discovered, and came to the conclusion that he felt a little of both. There was no use in pretending any longer, his twin now knew everything. On the one hand he was grateful that he no longer had to perpetuate the charade, and could at last talk to someone who would understand. On the other hand he didn't know if he could bear it if his twin pitied him, because pity was one thing he wasn't sure that he was strong enough to withstand.

He could see the tears flowing down Smallvilles face, could hear the soft sobs that were suppressed and when the journals were all finished, he watched as his twin shifted more comfortably on the couch, tilted his head back and closed his eyes, and knew that the moment of truth was upon him.

He couldn't sneak out and didn't want to, he wanted to talk to the one person who loved Lois as he did, but had to swallow the lump of fear that had gathered in his throat before quietly speaking "Now you know."

oOo

Smallville felt a small start at hearing the voice behind him, he hadn't even realised that Clark was awake nor that he was being observed. His concentration had been fully on what he was reading, the truths that had been revealed and knowing just how much his twin had been keeping locked deep inside. His mom and Chloe said that Clark hid how he felt, but the journals were the one place that he didn't hide anything, and his twin was right; now he knew.

He turned around to find Clark standing in the doorway, nodded quietly, and scrubbed his hands over his face then watched silently as his twin entered the room, picked up a few journals, trod to the bookcase and replaced them before turning back for a few more. He stood and silently helped, the two men worked in tandem, one passing one replacing, until all the journals were once again back where they belonged.

When Clark turned to face him, he noted that his eyes were shadowed, but the pain was clearly visible and it hurt to see. The two men stared at each other silently before turning to sit; one on the couch, one in the facing recliner.

He didn't know what to say, he'd read his twin's private journals, he knew everything this man was feeling; and all he could feel was an aching sense of sadness that Clark had been suffering for so long, unable to feel he could confide in anyone.

Clark looked down at his hands then up again "How did you find the room, I didn't think anyone would ever find it."

"I heard the music." He swallowed and tried to smile but found it almost impossible "I wouldn't have found it if it wasn't for the music though; so I don't think anyone else will ever find it."

Clark nodded and looked away for a moment before glancing at him again "I had to have somewhere y'know, just one place that I could go to and be alone." He shrugged and looked away again, sweeping his eyes over his sanctuary "This was it; it's not much but it's mine." He took a deep breath and looked at his twin and found not condemnation, but a look of understanding sorrow on his face "When I married Lana, I really thought that I'd love her forever but..." he gave a little smile and a minute nod of his head leaving the sentence unfinished.

"You said it was the happiest night of your life" Smallville posed quietly.

"It was..." he smiled briefly "...it was the happiest night of my life; you know how you feel when you finally get something that you've always wanted?" He nodded quietly and Clark nodded in return "That's what it was like, but there's a saying 'be careful what you wish for or you just might get it'; well..." he pressed his lips together, smiled pathetically, looked down and back up again "...well, I've become intimately familiar with just how true that saying is."

"And Lois?" He asked subdued.

"Lois..." Clark let out a deep sigh and rubbed his hands over his face "...well you've read the journals so you know how I feel about her." He eyes once again moved around the room before coming back to his twin.

Smallville nodded slightly "I already knew."

"How, I thought I'd done a pretty good cover up job yesterday." Clark asked low keyed.

"You did, but mom and Chloe told me last night." At the look on his twins face he held up his hand "Don't worry they swore me to secrecy. I wouldn't have told you that I knew if I hadn't found this place."

"Mom and Chloe know." He felt his heart stop for a moment then began to pound hard; _he'd always suspected but he'd wished..._

Smallville gave him a sympathetic smile "Clark they never talk about it, they told me they've never even mentioned it to each other until last night. They only spoke out because they said if they didn't, that I'd know when Lois arrived today."

"God" Clark raked his hands through his hair then let them fall heavily into his lap "I've wondered occasionally if anyone knew, but I hoped they didn't."

He nodded in sympathy "Look, I've got something to tell you, and then we need to talk to mom and Chloe so we can figure out what to do."

"Tell me what?"

"As you said I read your journals, so I know about the dreams you've had of travelling, using your powers openly as Superman, your relationship with Lois; everything?" Smallville told him quietly. Feeling the heat of embarrassment crawl up his face, Clark looked down.

"You mentioned that it was almost like you were living another life?" Smallville asked softly.

At the question Clark looked up and bobbed his head minutely, but felt his stomach sink. He had a feeling he knew where this was going and soon discovered that he was right. Looking in his twin directly in the eye Smallville told him gently "Everything you've written about is my life Clark. Most every detail of my life has been recorded in your journals.

"I've been dreaming about you." He clarified softly.

"Yes." Smallville replied and inclined his head.

He nodded and smiled sadly "I wondered last night, when you told us about your life, I wondered if that could be happening." He paused, blew out a breath and closed his eyes "And Lois."

"Everything Clark, you've documented our entire relationship until a month or so ago. Conversations, fights, things we've said and done that only the two of us know about, every detail is right."

Clark raked a hand through his hair and felt his stomach dive "I wondered about that too, I wasn't going to ask because I didn't want to know if being with Lois was the way I dreamed, and now I do." Looking up he could feel the tears crowding in his eyes and tried to suppress them "You're lucky, you said that you would have envied me 8 years ago, well...well now we know that you were the lucky one, not me." He swiped impatiently at the tears trickling down his cheeks then looked away awkwardly "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Smallville asked curiously.

Clark nodded, dropped his head then lifted it again to face his twin "Yesterday when I helped you to look for the barrier, I was tempted to sneak through in your place if I found it first." He shook his head and continued determined to get it all out "It was only for a minute but I wanted what you had and well...I was tempted, I'm sorry."

Smallville nodded understanding "It's ok, I would have felt the same way."

He shook his head in rebuttal "It's not ok, I shouldn't have..."

"Clark, it was only for a minute." He interrupted firmly "I've read your journals so I understand, and I don't believe that if you had found it and gone through that you would have stayed there for long anyway."

"Don't be so sure, desperation can drive a man to do any number of things he doesn't want to do if he thinks it's the only way out." He replied softly looking at the floor but looked up again at his twin's response.

"You're me, so I know that taking over someone's life because you're unhappy with your own is not in your make-up. Desperate or not, you couldn't have stayed because the guilt would have killed you." Smallville replied solidly and felt better at the look of gratitude on his twins face. "You said that I was lucky, well so were you Clark."

"No, I haven't been lucky." He swallowed hard and rubbed his eyes "All I had were dreams, you have the real thing."

Smallville shook his head in reply "No you haven't." At the curious look being sent his way he blew out a deep breath "Look let's go home, what I have to say isn't going to be easy to hear, but we don't have time to discuss it before talking with mom and Chloe. Everyone needs to know what's going on, and the more time we spend repeating it and hashing it over, the less time we have until Lois arrives." He paused and swiped his hand over the back of his neck "Jor-el told me what's going on, and to be honest it's one hell of a mess, but we all need to understand it, and get our heads around it before we can decide what we're going to do."

Clark frowned but nodded then stood "Why did you come to the fortress, were you hoping that Jor-el could help you?"

Standing up Smallville followed his twin to the door "Yeah, I had an idea of what might be going on, but I wasn't willing to assume anything, so I came here."

"Oh, um let me just turn the music off." He sped into the bedroom and back, meeting his twin outside, and pulled the door closed at his back then they walked out of the fortress and stood outside.

"Ok, we're going to have to fly fast so that no one sees us, but maybe we should take separate routes and meet up at the farm."

"My trucks parked at the farmers market so I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Right, I'll see you then."

The two men took off in different directions; Smallville directly back to the farm and Clark to his truck.

oOo

"Good morning." Chloe called out as she walked into the kitchen then stopped with a frown on her face after a quick look around.

"Good morning dear." Martha replied, turning from the stove to flash a quick smile to her guest.

"Where's Clark, either of them?" Chloe asked taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"I haven't seen them yet, they could be talking somewhere or they could have gone to the fortress together." Martha smiled and gestured "Help yourself to some coffee, I'm just finishing up the eggs and then we can eat breakfast, the boys can eat when they get back."

Chloe nodded, poured two cups of coffee and when she heard a third voice enter the kitchen automatically began to pour another cup.

"Good morning, mom, Chloe." Smallville strode in, pecked his mom on the cheek, and bobbed his head in thanks for the cup of coffee passed to him.

"Good morning sweetie."

"Good morning, um sorry, but which one are you?" Chloe asked with wrinkled brow.

"Smallville, Clark will be here soon, I met him at the fortress." He supplied anticipating her next question "Here mom, I'll get that." He stood up and carried the plates of scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage to the table, turned back to retrieve the toast and once all the food was set down, took a seat and got comfortable.

The three passed the plates around, forking out portions of each and had just begun to eat when Clark walked in the door "Good morning." Greetings were given all round, he helped himself to coffee and a little breakfast; but other than requests for butter, salt and the like conversation was nil.

Sitting back replete and nursing her coffee Chloe smiled "Martha, that really hit the spot thanks."

The older woman smiled, and nodded waving away the thanks of the two men as well and all four sat quietly enjoying the feeling of full stomaches.

The men looked at each other, Clark gestured to Smallville giving him the floor "I went to the fortress to speak to Jor-el this morning and I have a lot to tell all of you but just let Clark and I do the dishes to get them out of the way. We'll do them at super-speed so that we can sit down uninterrupted and I can fill you all in ok?"

The women nodded, the men got up and within minutes the kitchen was sparking, the only items left on the table were the coffee pot, milk and sugar. Re-taking their seats they looked at each other again and then Smallville sighed.

"What did you find out?" Chloe asked curiously.

"Ok, look last night you told me not to say anything to Clark about knowing that he was in love with Lois..." At the reproachful looks turned to him, he held up his hand "I had a reason to tell him and..."

"Why didn't you say anything mom, about knowing I mean?" Clark asked softly, cutting into the conversation.

Martha picked up his hand and squeezed gently "Oh honey, I hated that you were hurting but I couldn't make you talk, and I just didn't feel that you wanted to discuss it."

He nodded his head minutely "No I didn't; I've always suspected that you both knew." He smiled sadly at the two women then looked out the window "As soon as I saw Lois again I knew that I loved her but this time it was real love, not just a teenage infatuation, y'know?"

The two women nodded in understanding.

"How did you know Chloe?" He gave her a fleeting look then picked up his coffee and sipped before putting it back down and looking down into the cup.

"I saw how you felt the night you came for dinner when Lo and I were visiting after she returned. The only way I can describe it is that you saw Lois, and looked like someone who'd finally found what they'd been searching for, for years." She reached over clasped his free hand "Almost immediately after your face changed, and you looked like someone whose dreams had all been ripped away from them; then you just seemed to shut down."

"Yeah that was just about how I felt" He swallowed hard and nodded, keeping his face averted "It's funny huh, I already knew that I'd made a mistake by marrying Lana, and then I saw Lois and realised just how big my mistake was." He paused, looked up and the misery on his face caused them all to hurt "I was so sure that Lana was the one but I was just a kid, what the hell did I know." He tugged his hands free, and pressed them hard against his eyes "You tried to tell me mom, and I just wouldn't listen." At that his voice broke and so did he.

Chloe and Smallville looked at each other, nodded their heads and quietly left the kitchen leaving mother and son alone.

Martha stood up, tugged Clark up and held her son as he sobbed against her shoulder. When his tears stopped, she gently pressed him back into his seat, grabbed the tissues, placed them on the table and took a seat beside him.

Clark reached for several tissues wiped his eyes and blew his nose "God mom, I ruined everything, if I'd just waited, hadn't been so impatient."

"I'm sorry honey, I'm so sorry." She replied running a hand over his shoulder.

"It's not your fault; it's not anyone's fault but mine." He shook his head in resignation "I thought that I'd love Lana forever but back then forever didn't include the future. When I thought about our life it was always something vague but indistinct, it wasn't real. I was just so greedy, I wanted a normal settled life like you and dad had without the reality of powers and aliens haunting me every moment of the day. But I didn't want to wait for love to come and I didn't want to miss out either, so I held tight to my devotion for Lana and refused to let go."

She nodded sadly "I know and unfortunately you're not alone in that, a lot of teenagers make the same mistake, but that doesn't help you does it?"

He shook his head "No, and when I saw Lois again I realised that not only did I love her, but I always had." He ignored the tears trickling down his cheeks and continued "From the moment I met Lois in the cornfield all those years ago, I knew that she was the one; but I didn't want to face it, so I convinced myself that it would only ever be Lana that I'd love."

Martha stayed silent, continuing to rub her hand over his shoulder and back; _what could she say, there was nothing to say._

"That's why it hurts so much mom. I have to live with the knowledge that deep inside I had always known it was Lois who held my heart, but I wanted Lana so I told myself that I didn't like Lois, and later that she was just a friend." Martha grabbed a couple of tissues and wiped his cheeks "Do you know how it feels to realise that you've grown up and have left childish dreams behind, but now that you're ready to face the future it's far too late."

She shook her head, hurting for her son "No, sweetie I don't."

"It's hell." He replied simply turning his head and meeting her eyes "It's absolute hell mom. I threw away my future, I tossed it all aside for a boyish dream that I didn't want to lose, and now I'm living in a nightmare of my own making. It's funny huh, I've got what I always wanted and now..." He trailed of unable to continue.

"No it's not funny..." She suppressed the tears clogging her throat at the despair in his eyes and reaching down clasped one of his hands in hers "I know that you've been unhappy for a long time sweetie, I'm your mom and I can see it; but I didn't know ..." She stopped unsure of how to finish and shrugged apologetically.

He shrugged sadly "There's nothing to say is there? I carried on like an idiot about Lana for years, but deep down I always knew that she wasn't who I was meant to be with at all." He blew out a deep breath "Not only did I deny that I had any feelings for Lois, but I also refused to see past the Lana that I fell for when I was seven years old." He shook his head in disgust and scoffed contemptuously "Seven years old, what the hell do children that young know about being in love? At seven the only kind of love you understand is familial love; your family love you, they protect and look after you and you love them in return. It's almost like cupboard love that a cat feels for someone who feeds it, but you have no idea what being in love is all about it's beyond your scope. Yet I actually convinced myself that I loved Lana from the time I was seven." He rubbed his brow in consternation "I was a fool mom, god I feel so stupid."

"You're not sweetie, you were just young." She replied, rubbing his back soothingly.

"I was young but I wasn't seven when I begged her to marry me instead of Lex, when I kept pursuing her so relentlessly, I was just an expert at lying to myself that's all." He sighed and shook his head minutely back and forth "All my big talk about Lana and I being destined, but I never wanted reality mom, I just wanted the fantasy that I'd had from the time I was seven."

Martha nodded in pity "I'm sorry honey, a lot of kids do the same thing; they don't like real life or they're scared of the future so they escape into fantasy." She paused and continued softly "But Clark it doesn't make you stupid. I had a few relationships before I met your father, and when they didn't work out I felt let down, and sometimes a little foolish for getting it wrong when I realised they weren't the right one for me. I imagine most people feel the same way about mistakes of the heart, but it's just the process of learning; it's life."

"Yeah life, well I just wish I'd learnt that before tying myself down to her. If Lana had become dissatisfied with our marriage, had grown to hate me or found someone else, we could have gotten divorced but she hasn't, so I don't know what to do?"

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"I tried once but you know Lana mom, she's the same way I used to be. She has selective hearing and won't hear anything she doesn't want to." He paused and confessed softly "But if Lois would have me, I'd leave Lana in a heartbeat. I know you don't want to hear that, but now that we're talking about it, I guess I wanted you to know the whole truth." His eyes dropped to the table but flew up at her reply.

"I know, Clark I've known for a while." She replied quietly, smiling sadly at the look of disbelief on his face "I've seen how miserable you are sweetie, just going through the motions day after day, pretending to be happy." She squeezed his hand then lifted her fingers to wipe at his cheek "Although leaving Lana for Lois wouldn't be something that I'd approve off, I would also hate to see you staying together out of obligation. That only breeds resentment and a marriage can't flourish in that."

"I only realised it this morning, I used to imagine 'what if I was single' but I had a dream last night, and when I woke up I knew that if Lois ever wanted me, I'd leave Lana for her." He pressed his lips together in a tight smile "But that's not going to happen and it's not as if Lana has _done _anything to give me reason to just walk out. She looks after the house, looks after me, she does everything she can to make me happy mom. It's not her fault that I don't love her."

"This could just be a bump in the road. You were married so young Clark, maybe this is something that will pass." She knew that what she was saying wasn't even remotely true, and wasn't surprised when he didn't agree.

He shook his head in weary resignation "It won't, when I first started to realise that I didn't love Lana, I read books about marriage and they all said that once the honeymoon period was over, the relationship had to be worked at to last. So I thought that was it, and I tried mom, I swear I tried to make things better but I just felt more and more tied down and trapped." He let go of his mom's hand to rake both hands through his hair then let them fall uselessly into his lap "When Lois came back it was even worse because I knew then that she was the woman I was supposed to be with, but I was already married to Lana and it was just too late."

Martha reached out and took his hand in hers once again "I'm so sorry sweetie" He shrugged dispiritedly but there was nothing left to say. So they sat there in silence, mother and son, hands clasped, each hurting at the mornings conversation.

oOo

Chloe sat on the swing, Smallville leant against the porch railing "I'm glad that he's talking to your mom, it can't have been easy keeping everything inside for so long."

"No, he's been hurting for a long time, and talking with mom is the best thing for him." He smiled slightly at her nod "Even when she couldn't make things better, just talking to her and getting it off my chest helped, y'know."

"I do, your mom's pretty great." She smiled slightly.

"Yeah, she is." He smiled back.

"Last night you mentioned that maybe I should call Lo and tell her not to come. Anyway I've been thinking that maybe you're right, do you want me to..." She raised her brows but at his head shake continued "I can make up some excuse Clark, she won't mind."

"Smallville..." he corrected automatically "Look Chloe, I have a lot to tell all of you and oh **fuck**!" He broke off and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly realising the implications of what Jor-el had told him.

"Clark?" Chloe stood up surprised and took a step forward; she'd heard him swear before but couldn't remember him ever using the big F; whatever was wrong couldn't be good because his face had turned completely white.

"I have to be by myself for a little while Chloe, I'll be back soon, ok." He'd no sooner finished speaking then he was down the steps and across the yard, disappearing into the barn.

Chloe watched after him, and hoped to god that the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach didn't reflect the disaster she felt was on the horizon. She wanted to go to him, but he clearly didn't want company or he wouldn't have walked away. Stepping back she retook her seat on the swing and hoped to hell that some good news was coming their way soon, because right now it seemed like they certainly needed it.

oOo

Smallville walked into the barn, up to the loft, strode over to the window and looked outside. He lifted his hands, ran them through his hair and tugged hard, wishing the churning in his gut and the twisting of his heart would cease.

FUCK!

He and Clark was the same person. He wasn't in an alternate universe, which meant that Lois was still Lois, but she was no longer his fiancée because she was now Oliver's girlfriend.

His Lois, his fiancée was living with Oliver because at this point in time they had never dated, never fallen in love, never lived together nor had they ever been engaged. Not only had his and Clark's lives been robbed, so had Lois'. However, she was unaware of that because to her, Clark Kent had married Lana Lang when he was 19, and she and Clark had only ever been friends.

Last month was bad enough but at least he had Lois with him, she'd been her younger self, but she wasn't living with another man, she wasn't another man's girlfriend. Last month the worst he had to contend with was a young girl who was scared and upset about the direction her life had taken in the future. This time he'd be dealing with the Lois that he'd been living with until yesterday, the one who'd loved him until yesterday. But today Lois wouldn't be inclined to listen to anything he had to say about them because as far as she was concerned, there had never been a 'them' in the first place.

He stalked around the loft, his anger at Lana getting higher with each passing second. He wanted to hit something, to pound into it, over and over. He knew that Lana was responsible. It wasn't enough that last month she'd messed around with Lois' life, killing her in the process. This month she'd fucked around with his, and not only had she messed up royally, but she'd done it in such a way that everything that was his just yesterday had been taken from him, and today it was Oliver's.

He wanted to find Lana and confront her. He wanted to shake her and shake her until the teeth rattled in her head, and had to bend down to take deep breaths until his anger cooled. Stepping over to the couch he dropped heavily into the seat and put his head in hands, trying to think clearly.

Clark's wife had married him when she was 19, which meant that she was either innocently unaware of what her older counterpart had done, or she could have full knowledge of everything. Older Lana could have found a way to send her younger self a subliminal message, so that she did marry him when he was a stupid naive kid. Or for all he knew she could have ridden a broomstick to the past, told her younger self a bloody good sob story about their freaking eternal love, and convinced the stupid young twit to run back into his arms when he was also a stupid young twit and married him.

He closed his eyes and concentrated, taking deep breaths in through his mouth, and exhaling out slowly through his nose, and when he felt his anger abate slightly scrubbed his hands hard over his face.

He and Clark had been one person but were now two separate entities, which meant that everyone else was also the same person they had been before. So Clark's wife was the same Lana he'd said goodbye too after telling her that he loved Lois and always would only a few days ago. But until he knew whether she was aware of what was going on, or if her older self had blocked her memories he couldn't confront her because it wouldn't be fair to take his anger out on an innocent person.

Just last night he'd been glad that Lois was with Oliver. He'd thought it was fitting that the two of them were together considering Clark was already married. Just last night he'd wished them well, and now he felt sick that his fiancé was with someone that wasn't him.

He swallowed hard, pushed off the couch and walked back to the window. He wanted to see Lois. He knew that she was coming later in the day but he wanted to see her now. He gripped the sides of the casement, trying to decide what to do.

He could go and see her; she wouldn't even have to know he was there. He wanted... no he didn't want, but he had to see her with Oliver, had to see if she was happy. Chloe had told him that she was, but now that he knew the truth he had to see it for himself. When he heard the crack, he looked at his hands and noted absently that the shutters were broken and the sides of the casement had splinted where his hands had clenched tight into the frame. Not allowing himself time to think about it any further, he threw away the pieces of wood and shot out of the window flying as fast he could towards Star City.


	13. Chapter 13

Hello, thank you to those who have given me feedback, it's much appreciated. I'm glad people are enjoying this story, or if not enjoying due to the direction it's taken, are at least invested in it.

I hope you all like the update, and just a quick warning there's sex in chapter 14. So those of you who don't like that stuff you'll have to bypass it, and those of you who don't mind it (I love it) enjoy.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 13**

Martha stepped out on the porch, saw Chloe and looked around "He went to the loft."

The older woman nodded at the answer supplied to her unasked question "Thank you for giving us some privacy dear."

"That's ok Martha, how is he?"

She raised and lowered her brows then shook her head "Sad, unhappy but I guess we were both expecting that." At Chloe's nod, she smiled slightly "Clark's jut upstairs washing his face, why don't you go on in while I go and call...well Clark in from the barn."

Chloe rose to her feet, but felt that she'd better let the woman know that she might be facing another son who was also not faring very well "Um Martha, I don't know what happened but just be prepared. He was fine and then he went pale and said that he needed to be alone." The older woman nodded "He didn't look good, obviously something's wrong but..."

"It's ok dear, I'll talk to him." Martha stepped off the porch and walked towards the barn, wondering what could have happened. For years she'd had to pretend that her son wasn't hurting; this morning he'd finally opened up, and her heart ached for all that he'd been going through alone. Now she had another son who despite alternate worlds was still her son, and she wasn't sure that her heart could take any more sorrow on behalf of her boys.

Grown men or not they were her babies, and she hated anything to hurt them. Her mother's heart ached for one son who was miserable and married to one woman while in love with another, and her other son who was separated from his fiancé.

She entered the barn and found it deathly quiet, and when she walked up into the loft was surprised to find it empty. She glanced around and her eyes stopped on the broken loft window frame, and the cracked shutters. When she stepped closer she saw the indent of fingers punctured deep into the wood, broken pieces lying on the ground and sighed. Something had happened but until her boy came home there was nothing she could do.

She sat down on the couch, closed her eyes and cried for both her sons, tears that she'd held back while talking to Clark leaked from her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Once her crying jag had stopped she retrieved the tissues, wiped her eyes, blew her nose, firmed her chin and walked out of the barn and back to the house.

oOo

Smallville stopped high above Oliver's apartment building, closed his eyes and wondered if he could make himself look. He knew that Lois was there, he could hear her heartbeat, but now that he was here he wasn't sure that he could stand to see her with Oliver. She might not be doing anything more exciting then eating breakfast. Her heartbeat sounded normal, so more than likely she wasn't doing anything that he didn't want to see, but it could be after the fact and he didn't want to see that either.

He couldn't, he just couldn't make himself look, he didn't want to see her with Oliver; he didn't want to see something that he wouldn't be able to forget. He began to fly away, stopped and flew back, and after doing this several times finally shook his head and zipped back to Smallville. He landed in the driveway and looked around but couldn't see Chloe anywhere, she wasn't on the porch but that didn't mean that she was in the house. If his mom and Clark hadn't finished talking she wouldn't have interrupted them, she might have decided to beard him in the loft, and deciding to go back to the barn to find her, he turned only to see his mom step out of the barn.

"Clark sweetie are you ok?" Martha rushed over to her son and gripped his hands. The utter wretchedness on his face, and the pathetic smile he tried to project caused her heart twist.

"No, I just..." He stopped, raked a hand through his hair and pulled "Let's go inside mom, I have to tell all of you what I found out this morning."

They walked to the house in silence, up the stairs and stepped into the kitchen to find both Chloe and Clark sitting at the table waiting for them.

At the look on his face, Chloe knew that whatever had been wrong earlier was going to be just as bad as she feared, and Clark felt his stomach clench wondering what his twin had to tell them. Chloe had said Smallville had taken off to the loft and that he'd looked upset. However, by the look of misery on his twins face, he thought that upset didn't even come close to describing how he was feeling.

Once everyone was seated at the table, coffee was poured then the three waited in silence for Smallville to begin. He dredged up a faint smile at the curious expressions on the faces turned in his direction, but had to take a moment to calm his anger and push aside the melancholy he felt creeping over his heart.

"I said that I had a reason for why I told Clark about both of you knowing that he loved Lois..." the ladies nodded "Ok, well I went to the fortress to talk to Jor-el hoping that he'd be able to help me get back to my world. Instead Jor-el gave me a hell of a shock when he told me what's going on and ..." he blew out a breath and finished quietly "...and it's not what we thought yesterday."

"What did he say?" Chloe asked with a light frown.

"I already had an idea of what could have caused this..." He raised his hand forestalling the words when all three opened their mouths "...and I still think I'm partially right but it's an even bigger mess than I realised."

The three looked at each other then turned back to him with identical frowns.

He scratched his cheek, and sighed deeply "Jor-el told me that this is my world." The frowns changed to confusion "I don't have a world to go back to because I'm not in a parallel universe, this is where I belong."

"What'd you mean?" Clark put in shaking his head uncomprehending.

He looked at his twin and tried to smile "I mean that you and I are the same person; we're not two different Clark's from two different worlds. We're the same Clark, and this is my...our world." He stopped and continued "However, someone has tampered with the past and caused this to happen."

"But honey..." Martha paused wondering how she could say what she wanted, but finding it difficult to put into words, and was grateful when Chloe took over "...surely if the past was changed there would now be two worlds not just two Clark's. I mean neither of you were even aware of the others existence until yesterday, so how could you be the same person?"

He turned to his twin and asked softly "Do you mind if I tell them about the fortress?" Clark shook his head but looked down into his cup and giving him a sympathetic look Smallville turned back to the women "When I was in the fortress I found a couple of rooms that Clark's converted into a little apartment. Well it's almost a duplicate of mine and Lois' apartment..." Clark's head flew up at that, Smallville inclined his head and continued "...he also keeps journals there and I read all of them. His journals express his thoughts and what's happening in his life, but in them he's also recorded dreams that he's been having; those dreams are about my life."

"What?" Chloe whispered in a shocked voice, turned to find the same look of astonishment on Martha's face, and simultaneously they both turned to Clark.

He nodded and spoke quietly "I've been having dreams for years, at times they were the only thing that kept me sane; it was only in the dreams that I felt everything was real."

Martha reached out and held his hand "Oh sweetie, why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't mom, I couldn't tell anyone." He grasped her hand and squeezed it back. She nodded in understanding but her heart hurt even more, knowing that her boy had been suffering a lot more than she'd realised. However, when Chloe began to speak she turned her attention back to the conversation.

"Ok, so from what you're saying one of you ..." She broke off and started again "How do you know which of you has the right life?" Chloe asked looking between the two men.

"Mine is the right one but it's not that simple." Smallville replied taking a deep breath to try and explain when all three frowned "The burning pain I felt yesterday was because Clark was basically torn out of me to create two of us. So as Jor-el said we both have the right to live..." everyone nodded following along "...but at the moment both of our lives are wrong. This world isn't the way it was yesterday before I came here and found I have a twin, but it's the only world that all of you know. What I mean is that for all of you Clark married Lana when he was 19, but you don't remember him being Superman or living any other life correct?" They all nodded again "Well Jor-el's program wasn't altered by what happened so he knows how things should be and he knows that Clark's life is the wrong one, but so is mine as a consequence." He rubbed his hand over his thigh in agitation "I don't have a world to go back to because this is my world."

He paused and continued softly "The dreams Clark had were real, all of them. They record when I left for my training, travelling, coming back and finding Lois, and just about every moment of our relationship. Clark couldn't have gotten all that information just by wishing things were different, some of it yes but not all."

Clark now understood what Smallville meant when he said they had to get their heads around what he had to tell them. Right now his mind was awash with fragmented thoughts, and he was grateful the women were able to ask questions to clarify what they were being told.

"If he's been having dreams of your life and your relationship with Lois, then that could only happen if he was you. If you were two Clark Kent's with different life experiences he wouldn't have had the dreams." Chloe accepted quietly.

"He might have had dreams but not such detailed ones. He's pretty much documented my entire relationship with Lois, including conversations we've had and things we've done that no one knows about but except the two of us. The last journal finished a couple of weeks after Lois asked me to marry her, which was about six weeks ago." Smallville finished tilting his head.

"You didn't read them all." Clark put in and when his twin swung around, he shrugged awkwardly "There was one in the bedroom that brings us up to my dream last night, you didn't read that one."

"Well I bet if I read it I wouldn't find any surprises." Smallville replied swiftly without a hint of doubt.

Clark felt his heart begin to pound harder in his breast "So you're saying that everything I dreamt ..."

"Was real, everything you dreamt was my life and it was your life. In your journals you said that your life with Lana felt like a lie, a fabrication; that only in the dreams and in your rooms at the fortress did things feel genuine, did you feel like you really belonged." Clark swallowed hard and nodded "Well you were right; someone caused this to happen, they literally stole our lives and now there are two of us." He sipped his coffee and looked into his twin's eyes "Jor-el said that we have to reverse or correct whatever was done, and then we'll merge back into one person rather than being two separate entities, and once that's done everything will be returned to how it should be."

"Who?" Clark asked shortly "Did Jor-el tell you who did it?" He could feel his temper ratch up that some unknown person had messed with his life, causing him to live in misery for years.

"Jor-el didn't tell me but I have a pretty good idea who it was." Smallville replied simply, smiling faintly at the astounded faces turned to him; and shaking his head continued "Yesterday I had a suspicion; today I'm sure that I'm right. I didn't say anything before because I wasn't sure that I had the right to do so, but now that's all changed." All three looked at each other then turned back to him with perplexed frowns "Look whoever did this was obviously hoping to change everything. I don't believe they intended to create two Clarks, I think they intended to change my past and their past to suit what they wanted. However they totally screwed up, and now we have to clean up their mess because if we don't there will always be two Clark's living in one world, and neither of our lives will be right."

"Sweetie, you said that you have a suspicion, can you tell us about that?" Martha asked softly, feeling overwhelmed by everything that had been revealed so far.

"Yes." He nodded "Eight years ago last month, Lois was in the medical centre unconscious when you eloped with Lana..." He turned to Clark and received an uncomfortable nod in reply "But none of you ever found out what happened to Lo, what caused it did you?"

Martha and Clark shook their heads, but Chloe could remain silent no longer "You know what happened."

"Yeah I do." He swept a look around at all three and quietly told them "Last month you, me and Lois came here to stay at the farm for a week." He turned to address Chloe then turned to sweep all of them in his gaze bringing them into the story "When we got engaged mom insisted on throwing us a party, and Lo wanted it to be held here. Well the party was a week away but when Lois woke up the morning after we arrived she wasn't my fiancée; she was 20 year old Lois inhabiting my fiancés body."

"WHAT!" Although it was the voices of the women that rang through the kitchen, all three wore the face of shocked amazement.

Clark felt stunned; the revelations were coming too thick and fast and he didn't know if he could keep up. Last month he'd dreamt that Lois had been lost to him, but those dreams hadn't been clear. They'd been confusing and frightening but not distinct enough for him to understand them, and now he felt just as shocked as the women.

Smallville bobbed his head at their looks of astonishment "Yeah, so I had the 20 year old Lois in my 28 year old fiancés body, and it was while we were wondering how it happened that you..." he turned to Chloe "...remembered the time when Lois had been unconscious in the hospital. So now we knew that while Lois' body was in the medical centre back in 2007, she was actually in her older self's body with us in 2015." He paused to sip his coffee, and held up his hand at their impatient expressions.

"So to put you in the picture, the three of us were trying to figure out how to send her back; Lois meanwhile had just come from the time that Lana was engaged to Lex, and I was making a complete jerk of myself over her. Well Lois was less than pleased to find out we were engaged, and she was hell bent on trying to find a way to retain her memories so that she could get Lana and I back together when she returned to her own time, to avoid being stuck with me herself." He gave a self deprecating grin and didn't miss the amused looks on the faces surrounding him "And then Lo decided to hedge her bets and came up with another plan just in case she couldn't retain her memories. She tried to get Lana and I back together while she was with us in the future, even though I was engaged to her older self and our party was less than a week away."

"You've gotta be kidding" Chloe asked with a smile.

"Oh no even I couldn't make this stuff up." He flashed a smile and noticed that everyone was grinning in return "She was throwing Lana and I together and forget subtle, Lo really tried but she just couldn't do it. She tried talking about our past relationship as if we were the greatest couple in history; she cooed about how happy Lana and I were back in the day; knowing that was a bald faced lie." He shot a quick grin at Chloe "You soon put a stop to that but Lois wasn't going down without a fight." He quickly reiterated the conversation between the two women in the Talon; Lois trying to romantically play up his youthful relationship with Lana while Chloe butted in with talk of AC. By the time he'd finished telling the tale he was chuckling; at the time he hadn't been amused but could now see the humour in the situation.

All three were laughing helplessly at hearing the tale "She actually did that and thought she was being _subtle_?" Chloe choked out between chuckles.

"Oh yeah, and that was only the beginning. God it was hard to stay depressed around the woman, she really thought she was being cunning. Lois is a great reporter, one of the best but she's a lousy actress because she's much too straight forward." They all nodded in accord, their smiles wide at imagining Lois trying to be subtle and failing abysmally.

"Look let me fill you in on everything otherwise I'll never get the chance to finish ok?" They nodded eagerly, looking forward to hearing what had happened.

He started from the beginning, filling them in on everything that happened and they listened attentively. They could see the pain in his eyes at the harsh things Lois had said to him the first day, laughed at Lois calling her older self Joanne and his younger self Skipper. Their eyes shone with laughter at her less than subtle attempts to throw him and Lana together, their amusement swiftly faded when he told them about Lois dying, they chuckled when he described Lois' cake and chicken cooking episodes, they frowned when he told them about their memories being wiped, and they smiled when he described his fiancés return and their subsequent engagement party. When he stopped talking, they all sat quietly pondering all that had been revealed.

"Lois died?" Chloe asked carefully, getting back to the part of the story that was locked in her mind.

"Yeah, and if you check her medical records I can guarantee there'll be two spikes on her chart showing the incident." He turned to address Clark and gave a smile of chagrin "I didn't remember this until last month so you might not either but..." he turned and looked at all of them "...8 years ago when Lois was unconscious in the hospital, although I was sorry for her I was grateful that it wasn't Lana." He finished softly not missing the hurt look in Chloe's eyes or the remembered feeling of shame in his twins. He turned to his mom and saw sympathetic understanding, and reaching out picked up one of Chloe's hands and his twin followed suit "Chloe..." She lifted her eyes to his "I'm sorry Chlo, I was a selfish jerk..."

"We were." Clark cut in pressing her hand.

Smallville nodded "I apologised to Lois about it when she came back, and I have apologised to you as well but you don't remember that anymore, so I'm sorry Chlo."

Clark echoed his twin "I didn't remember it until now; I don't think I wanted to remember it, but I'm sorry too Chloe."

She nodded, pressed both of their hands and smiled gently "It's ok, it was a long time ago now and I can see that you are both sorry, so let's just forget about it." They nodded and after giving her a grateful smile, squeezed her hands before letting go. "I guess you must have felt pretty lousy when you remembered it; given that Lois was your fiancée I mean." She asked Smallville quietly.

He nodded with feeling "I felt... well I'm sure you can guess how I felt; but apart from that I also remembered that while Lois was in the hospital I had premonitions, but because my focus was on Lana I connected everything with her, not Lois."

At their curiosity he explained the instances including running to the mansion to check on Lana when Lois died. Clark nodded in accord, his eyes holding one of recollection, shooting him a quick empathetic look, Smallville continued "After Lois was brought back to life and she was sleeping, the three of us were talking about what could have caused her to die in the first place and Chlo, that's when you figured out it was done by magic." When Chloe's mouth opened, he held up a hand, and gave them a concise run-down of their conversation bringing them fully into the picture and the conclusions they had come to and finished by adding the rider "Whoever had caused her to be in the medical centre had killed her and then brought her back to life. We didn't know who it was, we didn't know if it was an accident or not, but we did think that ultimately either someone wanted revenge against Lo for a story she'd written, or they were trying to control Superman because Lois is known as his girlfriend thanks to the media."

"But we never found out?" Martha asked softly.

He shook his head in the negative "No, for the past month all of us including the JLA have tried to figure it out, we've kept an ear out for any news but we couldn't find anything." He smiled at his mom and continued "10 days before Christmas I came here to set up the tree and you told me that I had to let it go or it would end up destroying me." Martha's lips curved in with sympathy "I didn't want to but I knew that not only would you be right, but more than likely I'd end up losing Lois by being too overprotective of her."

They all nodding in understanding and nodding in return he brought their conversation full circle "I told you that Lana was trying to help us figure out how to send Lois back, and that she suggested maybe Lex could have been responsible, but his younger self just didn't know it at the time." They bobbed their head "Well I don't think she was helping at all, I now think she was lying about helping the whole time."

"Why, I mean what makes you think that?" Chloe asked shaking her head a little.

"I didn't think Lex was responsible, but I wasn't willing to overlook anything, so I went to see him as Superman last month, while Jo was in the future with us." He grimaced slightly "Believe me when I tell you that Lex has no love for Lana or Clark, but even though he doesn't like Lois or Superman he does respect them. He was straight with me when he talked about all of us, and by the time I left I was certain he wasn't responsible, but I still didn't take him off the list entirely."

He paused as Lex's words ran through his head once again, the three looked at each other wondering what Lex could have said to put the look of remorse in Smallville's eyes, but no one spoke, just waited quietly for him to begin again. He sighed, ran a hand over his face and once again took up the tale.

"Anyway, Lo and I spend a lot of weekends here at the farm with mom, and the one where I came to set up the tree before Christmas was no different. But that weekend Lois came down with the flu and it was while she recuperating that she found a letter on her computer to herself from Jo. We talked about it a few days later and that's when she told me everything." He paused to take a deep breath before continuing "Before Lo and I started dating, the three of us came here for a long weekend about a year after I returned from my training. Well Lois told me that she knew from that first visit that Lana was in love with me, but she hadn't said anything because she felt it wasn't anyone's business. She'd felt uncomfortable around Lana and didn't know why, but after we started dating she could feel Lana's resentment towards her."

He paused, ran a hand through his hair and sighed "It took 20 months to convince Lois to date me, and during that time whenever I saw Lana she'd ask how my pursuit was going and subtly urge me to give up on Lo. So it was fairly easy to figure out that she resented Lois from the beginning, and even more so after we started dating." They all nodded disturbed by the picture he was painting "Lois said it was Jo's letter that opened her eyes to the full truth; and then she got me to read the letter." He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair "Jo didn't hold back, she said straight out that Lana hated Lois, and she urged Lo to tell someone because she was worried that Lana could hurt her, and get away with ...well murder basically."

At the women's gasps he nodded, while Clark just stared with a deep frown of concentration on his face "After I read the letter Lois told me that she'd gone to see Lex, figuring that as he'd been married to Lana he'd know what she was really like. Well Lex told her that he believed Lana was capable of doing something; actually he told her that I could too but..."

"Are you sure that you should trust Lex's word?" Martha cut in, trying to play devil's advocate on Lana's behalf but also upset at what had been said about her son.

He threw his mom an understanding look but reminded her gently "Lex had reasons for saying what he did about me mom; you know what happened the night he got engaged to Lana..." She and Chloe nodded, Clark just looked ashamed; he continued softly "...well I wish I could say that my behaviour and attitude improved after they got married, but I can't."

He sighed and rolled his shoulders "But getting back to Lana, both Jo and Lois believed that Lana was dangerous, but she'd gone to see Lex to find out if her intuition was correct. Anyway, before she left his office Lex gave Lois a card with the name 'Wicca' on it. He didn't say anything and there was nothing on the card except for the name and a website, but Lo thought that considering what had happened last month was the result of magic, Lex had given her the card to help her figure it out. I didn't agree with that, but I did agree when she said it was worth looking into. However, between Christmas, being busy at work and Superman stuff, it was only the night before last that Lo had a chance to look at the website, and then she showed it to me. It was a magic shop...one that was owned by Lana." He finished quietly.

"Lana owned a magic shop and what happened to Lois 8 years ago, which affected her last month in your time was caused by magic." Chloe clarified in a voice soft with pique.

"Yes." He nodded in agreement and sat forward leaning his forearms on the table "The day after Christmas Lana came to the farm and I told her about Jo's letter, leaving out the bit about her being capable of hurting Lois. When I asked her outright if she was in love with me and hated Lois because we were together she said yes." He clenched his teeth as his anger began to rise "Anyway I told her that we shouldn't have any further contact, Lois was my priority and I wasn't going to allow her to be uncomfortable, knowing how Lana felt about her. I felt sorry for Lana but told her goodbye because as sorry as I was for her, I wasn't so sorry that I was willing to have her around, or let her hurt Lois."

He paused and took a deep breath then turned to face Martha "Mom, you told Lois and I that we had to be careful, not to trust Lana because she could see herself as the woman scorned and if so, who knew what she would do." Martha felt uneasy at what she was hearing but tried to keep her face clear and took his hand hoping to impart some comfort to him. He smiled shakily and pressed her hand before finishing up his narrative in a quiet voice "The night before last Lo and I found out that Lana owned a magic shop, yesterday I was suddenly here meeting a man who's my twin, who married Lana when Lois was in the medical centre 8 years ago, and today I find out that because someone's tampered with the past, Clark and I are the same person and our lives have effectively been stolen." He finished then sat back in the chair, picked up the now cold coffee and sipped before putting it back down.

"You think Lana did it?" Clark asked forthrightly.

"Yes I do." He replied bluntly.

"I think you're right, especially considering that you mentioned in your world..."

"My time." Smallville cut in swiftly.

Clark nodded "Sorry, in your time Lana refused to take you back and married Lex, and in mine she initially turned me down but came back later and we eloped." He raked a hand through his hair and felt both his stomach and heart churn.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything about this yesterday sweetie?" Martha asked quietly.

"I couldn't mom, at that stage I was still under the belief that I was in a different world, and considering Lana married Clark when she was 19, I figured she couldn't have known what her older self had done. I thought it was possible she wasn't responsible since she would have had no reason to try and steal me from Lois, seeing that she was already married to Clark." He rubbed his brow shakily "But now I think that's exactly what she tried to do. I don't know what she hoped to gain last month by switching Lo with her younger self, but I think ultimately she was just trying to change our pasts so that we did end up together. Whatever she tried this time partially worked because Clark and her are married, but she messed up. Not only are there two of us, but I know what my life should be like, and Clark's been dreaming about how his life should be because he is me."

They all chewed over what he said and nodded in agreement; turning to his twin he addressed him "Clark I think it's obvious the dreams you were having were memories of our life. Either Lana couldn't suppress them, she didn't think that she needed to since your life was going to be changed anyway, or she never gave a thought to the fact that you'd have any memories at all. But when your mind wasn't active, when it was at peace and asleep, your memories of our life leaked out into your dreams. I think if you try to access them now they won't feel like a waking dream anymore, because you now know they are real memories."

Clark swallowed hard "I...for so long I've felt a guilty for enjoying the dreams, but I didn't want them to stop either. I tried not to think about them consciously but there were times that I did." He looked down at the table and confessed softly "Whenever Lois was around I remembered us in the dreams, or if I had a particularly happy or sad dream I couldn't stop from thinking about it during the day, but I've tried not to."

He looked up and saw that his twin had a sad smile on his face, then turned to his mom and encountered a look of sorrow. His eyes flew to the window as his mind churned wondering what he could say that would remove the look from his mom's face. But when she began to speak, he quickly swung back to face her, realising that she wasn't upset with him, she had been upset for him.

Martha reached over, placed her hand over his and squeezed gently, "Sweetie, I think you should try. If all of this is true and by everything that's been said I believe that it is, then I agree that both of your lives have been stolen, and you have nothing to feel guilty about."

Chloe nodded emphatically at Martha's words "Your mom's right Clark, if you were dreaming about a life with Lois then you have nothing to feel bad about, because she was your fiancée before everything was changed." She couldn't suppress the anger in her voice and didn't even try, turning to Smallville she addressed him "Do you think that Lana knows?"

"Of course she knows Chloe, she did this." Clark said quietly.

"No Clark, older Lana did this, but for all we know her younger self might not have any knowledge of what happened." Smallville corrected just as quietly "Lana was 19 when she married you, and we don't know how older Lana changed things. She could have planted a subliminal message in her younger counterparts head, and Lana really might not have any idea that her older self was responsible for what happened last month, or know anything about what's happening right now."

Clark nodded shortly but still couldn't suppress his anger at Lana. He wanted to know if his wife was aware of everything, and wondered how in hell they were going to find out. If Lana had full knowledge of everything she'd never admit it and unless she did that, trying to find out how to fix it was going to be nigh on impossible.

Smallville turned and addressed his mom and Chloe "I know you probably haven't because more than likely after what Clark and I have already revealed you would have said something by now. But have either of you had any dreams, flashes, anything about ...well everything being wrong or different?" Both men looked at the women and neither was surprised when the ladies shook their heads but couldn't stop the small feeling of disappointment.

"No, I'm sorry honey; I haven't had any dreams or anything else."

"Neither have I, sorry guys."

Martha chewed her lip, her mind ticking over and then asked the question that she was afraid she already knew the answer to "Clark..." when both her sons turned to her she smiled minutely "Sorry, um..." reaching over for Smallville's hand she picked it up and squeezed so both boys would know who she was addressing "...this is your world..." He nodded "...that means everyone who's here are the same people...including Lois." She finished softly and apologetically.

He swallowed and nodded, and the realisation slammed into Chloe and Clark at what Martha had revealed, and Smallville had already known.

"Lois who is Oliver's girlfriend now, is your Lois; she was your fiancée wasn't she?" Chloe asked with sympathy, and at his abrupt nod she blew out a breath "But because everything's changed, she doesn't know about the two of you."

"Yes she is and no she doesn't." He replied in low tones "It was while we were outside on the porch that I realised that my fiancée is now Oliver's girlfriend." She nodded in understanding of just why he'd looked so wretched before he'd stalked to the barn.

They sat in silence until Smallville asked outright "Do you think we should tell Lois."

"No." At Chloe's blunt response they all looked at her with curiosity, she bit her lip but continued bravely hoping that what she was going to say wouldn't completely deflate the men "Lois is happy with Oliver. She's not going to just accept the fact that she should be engaged to you, when you've been married to Lana for the last 8 years, and the two of you have never been anything more than friends."

Martha agreed with a slow head nod and the men while sad, accepted that Chloe was right but it was Smallville who confirmed it "You're right Chlo, I know Lois and she can be extremely stubborn and inflexible. She won't just accept that someone's messed with her life while she's been unaware of it; she'll just think it's a load of crap."

Clark felt slightly deflated but couldn't give up hope. Now that he knew the truth, now that he felt free to talk about what had been going on in his life, he couldn't just bottle down the rising emotion in his heart. He was still angry about what had been done, but felt liberated, as if the chains that had bound him for years were loosening and would soon be gone.

"So what do we tell Lois when she arrives?" Martha asked.

Smallville closed his eyes for a moment and sighed "We lie and tell her what we thought was true last night; that I'm here from another universe and I need help to get home." When his mom smiled and patted his hand, he smiled in return grateful that she wasn't angry about having to lie, but he hated the necessity of doing it anyway, especially to Lois.

"I was thinking, your mom and I don't remember anything being different but Lois might." Chloe put forward softly and at the swift looks thrown in her direction continued "Clark had dreams, so there's nothing to say that Lois hasn't been having them as well."

Smallville frowned slightly "But if you and mom never sensed anything was wrong, why do you think Lois would?"

Chloe wasn't one to give up "You and Lois were most affected by what happened, so she might have had dreams like Clark did, or felt that things were slightly off but couldn't quite put her finger on what." She looked at all of them in turn hoping they agreed with her.

"I might only have had the dreams because Smallville and I were split in two though Chloe. Before this happened we were one person, so all this time I've been dreaming of my life before it was changed and taken from me." Clark reminded her, but even though he was putting forward the argument, he still couldn't suppress the burst of hope that Lois could have dreamt of their life together just as he had.

"He's right Chloe, if Lois has been dreaming about me, or our life together, she might not be inclined to say anything. Lo's not comfortable with 'woo woo' stuff as she calls it, plus you said it yourself she's happy with Oliver. She won't accept that we should be together, especially given that at this point in time, we never have been." Smallville said softly sending his friend a smile of thanks for trying.

"They're right dear." Martha said quietly "And if we're not going to tell Lois the truth, then how do we ask her if she's been having dreams without alerting her to why we want to know, and then finding out what kind of dreams she's been having."

Chloe's eyes moved from one to the other as they spoke then put forward another suggestion "Ok, well we can make it like a conversation. We can start talking about dreams we've had and get Lo to join in, or we can say something about...I don't know, how our lives aren't the way we imagined they were going to be when we were in school. That way we can find out what we want to know without making Lois feel ambushed."

"The second idea won't work because you wanted to be a reporter and you are, and Clark and I wanted to marry Lana and he is."

Chloe rolled her eyes in exasperation "Hell Smallville we're going to be lying to her anyway, so why not take it all the way and lie about this as well. We can make up someone and mention how they said their life isn't the way they thought it was going to be when they were younger, or we can say that you and Lana aren't married and that's what you thought was going to happen when you were a kid; or we can use the first suggestion." She blew out an irritated breath "Tell me truthfully, do the two of you want to know or not?"

The two men looked at each other, Clark nodded but Smallville was undecided "If she's been dreaming of our life but still chose to be with Oliver, then I don't think I want to know." He said softly looking down at the table.

"Smallville, if she's been dreaming of your life together of course she was going to want to stay with Oliver." His eyes lifted to hers in confusion "As far as Lo's concerned you've been off the market for 8 years, happily married to Lana." She replied gently.

He nodded in understanding, but was still undecided as to whether he wanted to know or not, but ultimately came to realise that he needed to know. Clark had the dreams; he needed something from Lois no matter how small. He knew it was a long shot, but he had to know that something of their relationship had survived Lana's machinations, even if it was just something that was locked in his beloved's subconscious.

"Do you think Lois has been having dreams?" Clark asked in a restrained but hopeful voice.

"I don't know but it's possible. She might have done but they may not have been like yours; but even if she hasn't had dreams, every now and again she might have had a flash or something similar." They bobbed their heads uncertainly so Chloe tried to clarify her thoughts better "What I mean is that something could have happened, it didn't have to be anything big or even of major significance, but it could have caused Lois to have a flash of her life with you, sort of like déjà vu."

"But wouldn't she have said something?" He asked with a frown.

She shook her head firmly and scoffed "No way! Think about it, enough flashes of a different life and someone like Lo would probably think that if she talks about it, people will laugh at her assuming she's talking about reincarnation or something." They all nodded in agreement at her assessment "We know that we're not talking about reincarnation, but that is the connotation others would put on it. Hell Lois could think that and wonder if she's going nuts, but until we find out we won't know."

"Ok, so we have to get her talking and find out if she's had dreams or flashes without her suspecting why we want to know, and without her feeling too afraid to speak up in case we laugh at her." Smallville frowned and shook his head "And I know what Lois is like, so I have no idea how in the hell we're going to be able to do it."

They all looked at each other and shrugged helplessly "We'll worry about it later." Chloe nodded decisively "Maybe it'll come to us when she's here." She tacked on hopefully and at the dry look from Smallville, flushed pink "Oh leave me alone."

He grinned, shared a smile with his mom and twin then frowned when Clark suddenly blanched "What's wrong?"

"I just realised, I know I should have put it together before but I didn't and...god." His head drooped down then lifted and they all saw the simmering anger in his eyes "Before all this happened Lois was your fiancé, hell she was my fiancé right?" Smallville nodded in confirmation "It just hit me. Everything you said about what happened last month has been stewing in my mind and I just realised...' He trailed off trying to reign in his anger but found it getting higher instead of abating "We were the same person; which means that up until yesterday I was you and we were both engaged to Lois." Smallville nodded again "But because Lana changed things, for me the last 8 years have really happened because I've lived it, but realistically we were only split yesterday." His twin nodded for a third time "So while Lois' body was in the hospital in 2007, she was actually here with us now, and I was trying to convince young Lois; Jo that my feelings for Lana were just puppy love and long over, but back in 2007 I was busy eloping with Lana." He scrubbed his hands hard over his face, then pushed his chair back and paced around the kitchen. "She knew. Somehow Lana knew that I was engaged to Lois in the future, and she got me to marry her when I was just a stupid kid who didn't know any better."

"Clark..." Martha said quietly feeling her heart hurt at the self condemnation on his face.

"She knew mom, she must have known." He growled cutting her off.

"We can't assume that." Smallville pointed out.

"Then why did she change her mind?" He flashed back, the temper flaring hotter in his eyes "When Lois was unconscious in the medical centre we both begged Lana to take us back, but at that point there wasn't two Clarks, there was only one. Our lives only diverged when Lana came back to me that afternoon and we eloped." He finished bitterly raking his hand through his hair before striding back to fall into the seat at the kitchen table "She had to have known."

"Honey, I think we have to find out before we condemn her." When he looked up, the anger in his eyes was still visible, but the pain was fast overriding it. Reaching out Martha picked up his hand "I'm not saying she doesn't know, but we do have to find out first."

"And we can't confront her if she does." Chloe posed quietly, when they all swung towards her she grimaced "I think it's safe to assume that if your wife..." She broke off at his slight moue "...sorry Clark but she is. Anyway if she is aware of everything, then I think it's also likely that she would have ensured to retain her memories of her life when she married Lex instead of you; after all forewarned is forearmed." They bobbed their heads "Ok, so if she has memories of her other life for lack of a better word, then we also need to know if she still has the power to screw around with people's lives if and when she pleases."

"You're right dear; that was 8 years ago for us, so she might not have thought she needed to keep up with the magic stuff. After all she's been married to Clark all this time, and that was what she wanted, but we can't take the chance that she's not capable of still doing something that could make things even worse." Martha concurred quietly.

Smallville's eyes widened "God, she killed Lo and now she's messed with my life, but if she thinks we're onto her more than likely it will be Lois that suffers because instead of resenting me, she hates Lois."

"Yes she does." Chloe said quietly and when all eyes swung towards her she shrugged uncomfortably "I've seen the way she looks at Lois, I didn't want to believe it was hate but with everything that you've told us, and remembering Oliver's party, I know now that's exactly what she feels; hate."

Martha nodded in accord "Yes, I saw it at Oliver's party as well and like Chloe I didn't want to think it could be that, but yes it is."

"What happened at Oliver's party?" Smallville asked with a slight frown.

"Nothing that's just it, Lois didn't do anything, but when she was dancing with Clark I saw Lana look at Lo, and the look on her face was distinctly unpleasant, no that's too tame." She raised her hand, closed her eyes and brought that night back into her mind "Intense resentment that's what I saw, but it came and went so fast that it barely registered." She opened her eyes and nodded firmly "I don't see Lana much as I don't come here very often, but I still knew that she was aware that Clark wasn't happy. However it was only at Oliver's party that I realised Lana knew her husband was in love with Lois and was upset about it, but I didn't think about it any deeper than that because Lo's with Oliver and doesn't come here much anyway."

Martha once again nodded in agreement "I've felt sorry for Lana because she was trying so hard to make the marriage work despite the odd's stacked against her but now..." She sighed deeply and shook her head "...and yes it was while you were dancing with Lois that I saw the look Chloe's talking about. What was odd is that Lana's animosity seemed to be directed at Lois, and yet it was clear that it wasn't her that was 'wearing the willow' for you but the other way around." She patted Clark's hand when the colour flooded his face "Sweetie it wasn't obvious, I'm just your mom and can read you very well."

"I noticed but then I've known you for a long time, and I already knew how you felt." Chloe put in with a small smile.

He nodded and asked quietly "Do you think Lois knows?"

Both ladies shook their heads but it was Martha who spoke "No honey, I don't think Lois has any idea at all."

He blew out a deep breath and rubbed shaking fingers over his brow "So what we do?"

"We find out what Lana knows and we keep it to ourselves, we find a way to change everything back without alerting her to what we're doing, we find a way to take any goddamn power away from her, and then we fix it." Smallville had started out calmly but his voice had grown stronger and by the time he'd finished his earlier anger was clearly back and radiating in his voice.

Martha reached over, picked up his hand then looked down. Right now she was holding one hand of each of her sons trying to calm both their agitation but could understand their anger. She had one son who had been miserable for years, who had loved Lois for years and who had just found out that Lois had been his fiancé before his life was stolen.

Her other son, who was still the same son had been happy and in love until yesterday, but his fiancé was now someone else's girlfriend, Lois who had loved him yesterday, loved Oliver today because she had no idea their lives had even been tampered with. Her mother's heart hurt for both her boys and began to fill with anger at Lana, but she ruthlessly suppressed it. Anger would get her nowhere, but Clark was her son, her baby and she didn't take kindly to the knowledge that Lana had hurt her son for her own selfish ends, and used love as the excuse to do it.

Chloe rubbed her forehead and looked at the three people sitting around the table "Ok, to sum up we're going to tell Lois that Smallville is from an alternate universe, and we have to find out if she's had any dreams of her life with you."

Smallville took up the baton and supplied the next part "We also need to find out if Lana does have knowledge of everything and if she still has the power to mess with people's lives."

"And we need to find a way to stop her if still has the power, and then we need to find a way to change everything back." Martha put in softly.

"Anything else, like maybe solve world peace?" Clark asked lightly causing Martha and Smallville to lift their lips at his attempt at humour.

Noting the abstracted expression on Chloe's face, Martha let go of her son's hand and reached over to touch the younger woman fleetingly on the arm "Chloe, have you thought of something else we need to do?"

Chloe gave herself an internal mental shake and smiled slightly "No, sorry there's something..." She paused and ran her hand through her hair trying to explain "You know how it feels when there's something you should know; it could be important but you just can't quite remember it?" They all nodded "Well that's how I feel, like I'm trying to grasp onto a memory but its elusive and just out of reach."

"Don't think about it dear, if you let it go and don't try to force it, it will come to you." Martha suggested stolidly.

Chloe nodded, smiled and let it go.

Turning to his twin Smallville moved onto the next item "Clark have you told Lana that I'm engaged to Lois?"

He shook his head and quietly listened when Smallville explained their decision to keep it a secret from Lois to avoid hurting his feelings the previous night.

"Thanks, Lois probably would have found it funny and teased me, so thanks." Smiling slightly he sent them all a swift look of gratitude for their combined protection of his feelings.

"I still think it's a good idea if we keep it under our hats though." Smallville put forward and seeing their confusion he elaborated "Lois might not believe us, but if she's been having dreams like Clark and gets pissed off about it, she might confront Lana. If she hasn't been getting dreams she might not believe us but still think it's funny and inadvertently say something when Lana's around; we can't let her do either of those things." He took a deep breath and continued "We'll tell both of them that I'm from an alternate universe and we don't tell them that Lo and I were engaged. Right now we don't know what or how much Lana knows, and the last thing we need is for her to go after Lois if she finds out that Clark and I are the same person, and we're both aware of how our lives should be. Lo and Lana are unknown quantities at the moment, and we can't afford to set either of them off."

Everyone nodded "This is getting harder all the time." Chloe frowned.

"I know but we have to keep as much up our sleeves as possible until we know how to begin fixing everything."

They all nodded and with a sigh Clark stood up "I've got some chores to do around the farm, so I'd better get to it."

"Do you want some help?" Smallville offered, he nodded in reply and with a wave the two men left the kitchen and stepped outside.

Once on the porch, they looked at each other "Ok, well you know all the stuff that has to be done around here, so how about you take care of the livestock, I'll get the eggs and take them inside then and we can do whatever has to be done." Smallville nodded in agreement, the two separated and both were soon caught up in mindless busy work that both found essential at present.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Chloe looked at Martha and sighed softly "I don't know who to feel sorry for more. Clark who's been miserable for years and wasn't meant to be; and worse has just found out the past 8 years of his life have been a complete lie, or Smallville who had everything until yesterday but has now lost it all."

"I know and that's the hardest part." Martha nodded in agreement "Clark had dreams but I don't think it's really hit him yet that they were all real. I know he said earlier that he'd worked it out, but it's going to hit him hard that the life he's dreamt of with Lois was real, while he's spent years loving her and regretting that he married Lana." She paused and ran a hand through her hair "And then there's my other Clark, who's now aware that his fiancé; the woman he loves is living with another man unaware that her life has also been changed. They're both hurting and nothing we say is going to make it hurt any less."

Chloe nodded, then stood and hugged the older woman hard from behind "It'll be alright Martha, we're going to fix this."

Martha patted Chloe's hands then stood up "Thank you dear." She picked up the young woman's hands and held them gently "Are you ok, I know that finding out Lois died all those years ago and we weren't even aware of it has to be pretty scary."

She nodded and tried to smile "It is, but I'm glad that I didn't know about it years ago. I was scared the whole time Lo was in the hospital, so I don't know if I could have handled it at the time especially when we didn't even know what was wrong."

Martha smiled slightly in understanding, pressed the hands she held and let go "Well I'd better get busy making lunch since it's almost 11am. We've been so busy talking the time's just flown past."

"I'll help; what would you like me to do?" When the older woman's mouth opened, she lifted one hand to stop her objection "Please let me help. Until Lo comes and we find out if she's had any dreams or has been affected in some other way; until we know what we're dealing with I just need to keep busy."

Martha nodded in understanding and the two moved from the kitchen table to the island "Ok, well how about you make a cake or biscuits for afternoon tea and I'll make lunch, and when you're finished you can give me a hand."

Chloe nodded and soon the two ladies were busy in the serious art of cooking.

oOo

Clark had thought that keeping busy with mindless farm work was just what he needed. It had worked before lunch, but the closer the time drew to Lois' arrival, the harder he found it to concentrate. He'd hoped that by giving his mind time to settle he'd be able to absorb everything that had been revealed earlier with a clearer head. Instead his mind had continued to churn and swirl until he knew that he had to just sit quietly and think. He raced to the barn, up to the loft, sat on the couch staring straight ahead.

He felt awash in a sea of turmoil, battered by everything that had happened. It was less than 24 hours since he'd met his twin, and he wasn't sure if he could keep up with all the revelations he'd been given.

First was meeting his twin from an alternate universe, a twin whose life was everything his wasn't. Then he'd woken up this morning feeling like a cad because of his dream the previous night. He'd gone to the fortress and Smallville had found him, found his sanctuary and he'd felt utterly exposed at knowing that he had nothing left to hide. And then only a couple of hours ago he'd found out that that his dreams were the truth, and his real life was the sham. His wife, or her older counterpart hadn't been able to let him go, and so his life had been changed, and now he had to try and make himself believe that the misery he'd lived in, although still partly self inflicted was also because of someone else's selfish desire.

He felt a mixture of emotions; sad, angry, happy, relieved, and each one was fighting for dominance over his heart and mind.

He was angry that his life had been stolen and changed. Angry at everything that had been taken from him, and angry at himself for being so impetuous and stubborn when he was younger that he willingly threw his future away to be with Lana.

Which was why he felt sad; he was sad that he'd wasted years pining for and pursuing Lana, even after he'd met Lois simply because he hadn't wanted to give up his little boy dreams. Sad when he had to admit that regardless of what Lana had or hadn't done he'd still brought this on himself. Sad for all the lost years he'd loved Lois in silence, and sad at knowing she could have been his, if he'd just he let go of his fantasies before ruining his life.

But despite all of that, he couldn't stop the burst of happiness in knowing the nightmare of his life was coming to an end. He felt happy knowing that his dreams of them were real. Happy that Lois had loved him before everything was changed, and happy that everything that had once been his, would hopefully soon be his once again.

And this led to apprehension that they wouldn't be able to fix whatever Lana had done. But if they couldn't fix it he wasn't going to stay with Lana, he was going to tell her that he wanted a divorce and he no longer cared if she liked it or not. This time he wouldn't use soft words, this time he wouldn't give her any reason to purposely misunderstand; he was going to tell her flat out that he didn't love her, and he wanted a divorce.

He knew that he should feel guilty, remorseful because he knew that she was going to be hurt, and had to admit to feeling a twinge when he remembered how many times she'd done everything she could to make him happy. However, it still didn't wipe out the fact that she wouldn't have had to do anything, if she had never created this situation in the first place.

As Smallville said, until they knew if Lana was aware of what her older self had done they couldn't blame her, but he wanted to. Even if she didn't know now, she had known when she was older and changed their lives, and he still believed that she had known when she came to him the night they eloped. But his twin was right, until they knew for certain it wouldn't be fair to blame her unjustly.

He didn't know how he was going to handle seeing her when she arrived after work. He was going to have to pretend that he was none the wiser, then again he'd been pretending with her for years so what was one more pretence on top of that?

Lois, was going to be the hard one, he didn't know how he was going to cope seeing her. He knew that Lana had to be aware of his feelings for Lois, but he didn't want to do anything that could cause her to lash out if she still had the power to do so. But seeing Lois, and this time knowing that she had loved him, that she had been his was going to be hard.

He couldn't get the suggestion that Smallville had planted in his mind to leave and he didn't want to. He'd lived for years believing that everything he was dreaming was just that, a dream. He'd lived through the dreams, experienced everything but now he wanted to remember it all with his senses; touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. He wanted the feeling of familiarity.

Closing his eyes, he let go of the guilt that had been dodging him and tried to remember, and slowly everything that he'd wanted for years, everything that had had been his began to sink into his heart. Like a penny pinching miser, the memories began to sluggishly leak through.

He could remember how it felt to touch her, her taste when they kissed, holding her hand, the way she smelt fresh out of her shower, the perfumes she used for different occasions, laughing with her, flying with her in his arms, arguing with her, talking about work or chatting about everyday things, holding her close while they lay in bed, feeling her body welcoming his in love; and the tears leaked out of his closed lids to slide silently down his cheeks as each memory continued to build one on top of another, gaining momentum.

oOo

An hour after lunch Smallville stopped working and leant against the fence post, he couldn't block it out any more, Lois would be arriving within two hours and he had to be ready to face her when she came.

His stomach and heart churned with a mixture of emotions; and he couldn't figure out which was the dominating force as they all fought for supremacy. He was angry, enraged at Lana for doing this to him, and had to keep reminding himself that she might be unaware of what her older self had done. Then further cautioned himself to remember that even if she was in full possession of the truth he had to play it cool and pretend ignorance, so that she wouldn't do anything worse until they knew what power; if any she had.

He couldn't understand why the hell she'd want to marry a man who didn't love her. Yes he'd loved her as a boy, but he was now a man, surely even she knew the difference. He'd told her only days ago that he loved Lois and always would. Did she really believe that by marrying her he wouldn't love Lois when he was older, despite what he'd told her about knowing that he and Lois belonged together and always had, or had she just not cared?

He slid down the post to sit on the ground as his mind recalled all the times the previous month when she'd supposedly been trying to cheer him up when Jo was in Lois' body, but had managed to somehow instead bring the conversation around to their own youthful relationship.

The time in the loft when she reminded him about the night they spent together, telling him they'd been good for each other, and becoming teary when he didn't agree. When they were at his apartment and she'd brought up Skipper, he'd foolishly played right into her hands and told her that Skipper wouldn't have been happy at finding out he was going to marry anyone but her. Lana had obviously taken everything he'd said about their youthful relationship and his feelings, and put her own spin on it. Instead of putting it all in perspective, she must have decided that because he'd been crazy about her when he was younger that he still would be if they were married.

And now he couldn't help but remember the night before Jo was due to go back to her own time, Lana had come to the loft and found him looking at a picture of him and Lois. He recalled the way she'd snapped his wallet shut before handing it back to him then teasingly reminded him that he used to look at pictures of her like that. God even their almost kiss that night; had she tried to make a move on him, had she tried to influence him in some way to kiss her. He'd told Lois about it, she'd nodded and smiled, waved it off, but she'd never said anything to make him feel reproached. Had Lois thought Lana's actions were calculated, given that she'd already known Lana loved him, but hadn't said anything because whether she trusted another woman with her fiancé or not, she did trust him.

The night before last, not even 48 hours ago Lois had been his and now she wasn't. He pressed the heels of his palms hard against his eyes and silently pleaded; _Please Lois, please remember us, god baby please_.

He pushed his hands harder against his eyes, remembering their last night together. Every moment of it was stamped indelibly on his mind from their discussion of Lex and Lana to their fight and make up, to when they'd been lying in bed and Lois had quietly cried; worried that Lana was going to do something to take him from her. He'd worried as well and after Lois had drifted off to sleep, he'd thought of possibilities each one worse than the last of what could potentially happen.

He wondered now if he'd had a sixth sense that he was going to lose her and that's why he'd been so forceful, so determined with her. He'd hardly let her get any sleep that night; waking her time and again, and it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that he'd finally let her rest. She'd scolded him the next morning while getting ready for work, telling him that she'd more than likely be useless that day, but he'd smiled unrepentantly in return. A few hours later he'd left for a Superman call, little realising his life was going to be turned upside down and could no longer be called his own.

Leaning his head back against the post he let their last night together filter into his mind, recapturing every moment.

His hand lazily stroked over Lois' back, and continued to caress her softly well after she'd slipped into sleep, carefully cupping her head he placed it on the pillow; determined not to wake her and once done leant up on one elbow to look down at her. Her face was in shadow but he didn't need the light to see, he knew her features by heart. His fingertips trailed lightly over the side of her neck, down to her collar bone, then back up again to sit quietly on her cheek, enjoying the way she nuzzled her face into his hand.

_What Lois said earlier had scared him. If Lana did do something to make him want her, to make him leave Lois for her, when it was over and he was in his right mind again would Lois take him back knowing that he'd been with another? The thought of making love with anyone but Lois repelled him. Logic told him that she would take him back knowing that it hadn't been his fault, but subconsciously it could eat away at her and eventually destroy them. _

His heart clenched tight when an even worse possibility occurred; _he might not be freed for so long afterwards that Lois could give up on him to find happiness with someone else; especially if he reverted to his former ways and repeatedly rebuffed any of her attempts to help him by staunchly declaring himself in love with Lana. Or utterly crushing Lois and stamping out any feeling she had for him by telling her over and over that he'd never loved her, that he'd made a mistake and it was only Lana that he'd ever love. A person could only take so much before they had to give up for their own sanity. _He squeezed his eyes shut tight. _The thought of Lois telling him that it was too late, that she loved someone else, of another man touching her, loving her, having the right to claim her as his own felt like talons digging into his heart. NO! He couldn't lose Lois, she was essential to him; he couldn't._

His eyes opened and bending his head, he pressed his lips softly against hers, then gathered her in his arms, and tucked his face into the side of her neck inhaling the delicate combination of body wash, her own personal scent, and the faint trace of him from their love making earlier.

"Clark, are you alright?" Lois asked sleepily.

"I love you baby." He pressed his face harder into the side of her neck "I want you to remember that Lo."

"I know." She replied softly wrapping her arms around him.

"If anything happens …"

"Nothing's going to happen."

He crushed her harder against him and rubbed his cheek gently against hers "If it does, if Lana does something then I want you to remember that it's you I love Lo; please remember that."

"I will." She repeated, running her hands over his back.

He lifted his face and spoke softly against her lips "Promise me Lois; promise me that if anything happens you won't give up on me, you'll keep trying to get me back."

"You know I will."

"If Lana makes me leave you for her…"

She cut him off, her voice firm "She won't Clark, I was scared earlier but she won't do that."

"How do you know?"

Lois cupped his face in her hands "Because she wants your love freely given, she doesn't want to induce it by artificial means; if she did, if she had that power, she would have done it by now."

He nodded and sighed in relief "Ok." Keeping his arms around her, he rolled onto his back and settled her on top of himself "But if she does do something, you won't….you won't give up on me and find someone else."

"Is that what this is about?" Lois asked quietly, resting her head on his shoulder as she had earlier.

Speaking haltingly, his voice subdued, he quietly told her of his worries and fears; pressing her closer against him and rubbing his chin over the top of her head.

She didn't interrupt, just listened quietly until he'd finished "Hon, that won't happen; knowing a person isn't with them of their own free will, isn't something that anyone could bear to live with indefinitely" She said quietly, rubbing her hand over his shoulder.

"I was willing to do it with you." He reminded her softly.

"No you weren't." She countered sternly.

"Yes Lo I was, you didn't love me but it was enough for me that I loved you; I would have been happy forever just having you with me."

She sat up, reached over and turned on the light; he blinked rapidly, shading his eyes from the sudden illumination, and when his eyes adjusted looked up to find her hand slowly being lowered from her face allowing her eyes to meet his.

His hands sat on the sides of her thighs; hers sat on his arms "That was different."

"It wasn't baby, I was willing to …." Her finger settled over his lips to stop the flow of words.

"That was different." She said firmly "I wasn't in love with you, but you knew that I was with you because I chose to be, you knew that I cared about you, correct?" He nodded silently "Ok, now if you told me that you loved me, and in reply I told you goodbye; I told you I didn't want to see you again because I loved someone else, but then you somehow tricked me into believing that I wanted you, would you still have been willing to live like that forever?"

His head shook back and forth on the pillow "No, it would be tempting, but no I wouldn't."

"That's what I mean; living a lie like that couldn't be endured for long; no matter how tempting, it would eventually wear you down."

He bobbed his head lightly in agreement while his hands smoothed up and down her thighs "I couldn't stand it if something happened, and when I was ok again found that you'd made a new life with someone else."

"That won't happen." She replied resolutely "If anything happened I'd get you back, and then we'd both kick Lana's ass, ok?"

"Ok." His hands moved inward to caress her tummy, her torso and up to cup her breasts, his eyes enjoyed seeing his hands on her body, his hands pleasured in the weight of her full breasts in his palms; once again his eyes lifted to hers "Mine."

She smiled in return "You have a thing about my breasts, don't you?"

"I'm a guy, most all of us have a thing about breasts and yours are exceptional." His hands smoothed up and over her breasts, pushed her hair over her shoulders, then trailed back down over her breasts, her torso, over to her sides, around to her back, up to her shoulders, down to her bottom then came to rest on her thighs once again "You're mine Lo, and I'll be damned if Lana will ever take me from you or try to separate us."

She shook her head and sent him a teasing smile "Is it me you want, or just my body?"

He smiled back tightly unamused, she must have seen the sober look in his eyes because the smile slipped off her face and she shrugged apologetically "Sorry."

He looked into her eyes for a few moments before tugging her down for a deep kiss. His hands smoothed over her back and shoulders, taking pleasure in smooth soft skin as he blissfully enjoyed the feeling of her voluptuous breasts resting against his chest, while their mouths moved over each others.

Freeing her lips, he gently pushed her back up to a sitting position, then smoothed his hands up and down her back, to her sides, up her torso to her collar bone and pushed her hair over her shoulders then reversed direction. His hands glided back down, fingers slid along the links of her necklace, over the locket, until his palms were once again cupping her breasts.

His fingers gently massaged the soft mounds, glossed over and around the nipples until they became firm, then his hands cupped underneath, gently compressing while his thumbs brushed lazily back and forth over the stiffened nubs. His vantage point gave him an unobstructed view of his beloved's body and his eyes roamed up and down missing no detail. Lois' her head was tilted back slightly, her eyes were closed, her lush breasts were moving slightly with each breath she took. Following the natural line, his eyes roamed down her torso, over her tummy, to her taut flanks, and her knees either side of him before reversing back up again. His hands smoothed over her breasts one last time then slid down to sit on her hips while his eyes voraciously swept up and down her body.

_He loved to touch her, to see his hands on her, to know that she was his; to see this side of her that others didn't get to see. He got to see all sides of Lois, most people only saw the argumentative, stubborn take charge woman; the fun, excited happy woman or the angry, mulish perverse woman, but he was blessed because he got it all; including the unfettered, soft and completely sensual woman that belonged only to him._

He sat up, wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her tight, his hands smoothing up and down her back, hers moving over his in return. He held her silently for a few moments before pulling back from the embrace and clasping her waist re-seated her; still on her haunches part way down the bed. Moving forward, his knees pressed between hers, silently asking her to open her legs wider, until he was sitting comfortably on his haunches within the v of her legs. Her eyes opened lazily then drifted closed when he leant over and captured her lips in a soft kiss. "Lean back sweetheart" he murmured throatily; her arms moved behind her back, her hands gripped into the bedcovers and her hips tilted upwards. He leant forward, placed one hand on the small of her back, while his other hand glided down to the rake his fingers gently through the tuft of curls on her mound before moving lower to seek out the warm soft flesh between her thighs. His fingertips brushed back and forth softly, stroked the heart of her entrance carefully, skimmed over the creases gently, grazed over and between the folds; and it wasn't long until his fingers were covered in her moisture, her sex was swelling at his touch; and his heart sang knowing that he was giving her pleasure.

His eyes swung sideways for a moment causing his heart to jump, his pulse to pound, and the heat in his heart to burn higher; fixing his eyes back on her, he found that she was biting her bottom lip and the flush on her breasts had deepened slightly. Bending down he kissed the hollow of her throat before lifting his head once again "Look at me baby." Her eyes fluttered open, widened; and he knew the fierce possession he felt for her was stamped explicitly on his face and shooting out of his eyes. He eased one finger inside her entrance, twirled it around and began to move it in the way he knew that she liked "I won't allow anyone to touch you like I do Lo; I've told you before that if anyone tried I'd break their arms, and I swear I will." His thighs pushed out spreading her knees further apart "This is sacred to us…" He eased a second finger in and began to nudge on the walls, stretching her carefully wider in preparation, gently circling and skimming his fingertips over the soft inner muscles causing her to gasp and press down. "…I'm the only man allowed to touch you like this, see you like this; just as you're the only woman allowed to for me." While his fingers continued to softly chafe her delicate inner tissues, his hand lifted from her back and began to tenderly caress her breasts "Do you like it baby." Her head nodded limply "Tell me."

"You know I do." She panted pushing down against his hand.

His eyes flicked to the side causing the vein in his neck to throb harder; with effort he wrenched his eyes back to her face. He very gently grazed his thumb over the blood filled kernel at the top of her sex; enjoying the slight gasp that escaped her lips before her teeth clamped onto her bottom lip and leaning down swabbed his tongue back and forth over each nipple before blowing a quick frosty breath on them. Her body jumped slightly, the goose-bumps rose on her breasts, the nubs stiffened further and the veins became more visible. He lifted his free hand, closed it into a loose fist and ran his knuckles over the now rock hard tips on her softly panting breasts before lifting his head to lock his eyes with hers once again "Tell me Lo."

"You know that I love it when you touch me." She moaned softly, his hands stopped their teasing and leaning forward he sat them on the bed beside hers, which positioned his chest to brush lightly against her breasts, as his lips pressed against hers. Eyes fluttered closed, mouths opened, tongues glided smoothly over each others, lips moved softly, lifted slightly, heads slanted and mouths came back together again. His tongue explored every crevice of her mouth, and coaxed hers to follow his in the dance. His lips reluctantly parted from hers but dipped back for a few more soft light kisses before his mouth finally lifted clear "Open your eyes." The look in her eyes caused his heart to skip then settle into a feeling of extreme satisfaction. Her face showed love and hunger, and he knew that his eyes were shooting the same back at her.

"Are your arms getting tired Lo." When she gave an almost imperceptible nod, he slid one hand up back until his open palm was cupped in the middle of her shoulder blades "Relax your arms baby, I've got you safe." Her arms slackened, and her hands came to sit quietly on his thighs. "Turn your head to the left" he murmured quietly, keeping his eyes firmly on her. Simultaneously he noticed the pink on her throat and upper chest flush darker, her breasts swelled slightly, the nipples tightened further, the breath backed up in her lungs; and her heart which had been drowsily content, jumped then began to hammer heavily.

The knowledge that she was finally aware of their reflection staring back at them from the large mirror fixed to the wall, caused the growl that had been trapped in his chest to rumble out quietly "We've watched ourselves in the mirror before." He turned his head to meet her eyes but found hers were transfixed on their reflection "How do you think we look Lo?"

"I…"

He leant forward and pressed a soft kiss against her temple "We look right together, we look like we belong, don't we sweetheart?"

She nodded and sighed out in a hitching breath "Beautiful."

"Beautiful" He agreed softly capturing her eyes with his in the mirror. His free hand lifted and sat on the side of her neck then glided down until his palm settled over one lush breast. He cupped the weight for a moment then began to circle the palm of his hand up and down, over and around the globe, his fingertips gently smoothing and pressing before sliding over to the other breast and repeating the same process. He watched her eyes glow at his touch then darken as his hand glided down her torso, over her tummy and underneath to cup and squeeze her sex gently. Her mouth parted, small puffs of breath fell softly from between her lips "Knowing that you're mine makes me ache to touch you Lo, and looking into your eyes while I do, seeing the desire, knowing I'm the man who put it there, makes me crave."

The hand between her legs slid up, trailed to her hips, around to her back and up until both his palms were cupping her shoulder blades "My need for you is like an unquenched thirst Lo; I crave you baby, I always will." His hands tilted, just enough to curve her back slightly over his arms, his head descended, his mouth closed over her breast and the hammering of her heart became a thundering gallop. Knowing she was watching their reflections while his tongue circled over and around the nipple, as his teeth gently caught the bud and began to bat it lightly with his tongue, as his mouth closed over the tip and surrounding flesh to suck; knowing she was seeing and feeling the sensations all at the same time, caused his penis to throb and jump. When her hands slid up his back and her fingers tangled in his hair, holding him against her, he growled softly and forcefully suppressed the need to take her, to pound into her; this was for her, not him. He wanted to take her higher than he ever had before, and ruthlessly pushed down the dark need that was growing in his loins.

Lifting his head he rubbed his check gently against the globe before his mouth once again enclosed the tip inside. Drawing his head back slowly, he let her breast slide out of his mouth, until the nipple was caught in his lips for a light sip, before he repeated the action again and again. Then he turned his attention to her other breast, by which time little sobs of pleading were falling from her lips. His mouth tormented the globe with light suction, licked over and around the hardened bud, teased it with his teeth, before once again enclosing it in the warm cavern of his mouth to suck strongly; all the while his ears sang with the sounds of her moans and whimpers until finally his lips toyed and released the tip of her breast with a last light sip.

He lifted his head and pressed his lips to her shoulder; his hands sat her back upright, then glided down to the small of her back, and across until his palms were sitting on the outside of her thighs. Turning towards the mirror, his eyes looked into those of his reflection and saw eyes blazing with fire back at him, then lifted to hers, and found her eyes were wide open, completely black and locked onto his face. "Say my name." He asked quietly; his hands smoothed over her thighs, and around to sit on her bottom; she swallowed hard, her mouth opened but no words came out. His fingers clenched softly into the smooth round globes, his head bent to press a kiss against her neck moving across to her earlobe. Taking the lobe between his teeth, he teased it gently with his tongue and felt the slight shiver that travelled through her body "Say my name Lois." He whispered; twirling his tongue just inside her ear then over the lobe and felt the shiver become a small tremble.

"Clark" She whispered in reply.

He pressed his lips against her forehead then looked into her eyes "Come here sweetheart" moving his hands to her waist, he lifted her up, their eyes stayed locked, then their heads dropped to watch as the rigid length of his penis eased into her warm wet passage "MINE!" Lifting one hand, he cupped her chin and tilted her face up to his, "Mine Lois; I won't allow anyone to come between us, I won't let anyone to take you from me."

His hands settled on her hips; her hands slip up his arms and sat on the back of his neck and their open mouths once again came together. Holding her carefully, he flexed his hips and began to thrust and retreat smoothly in and out. Stroking his penis into her warm wet core and withdrawing, plunging back in and rocking their bodies together. Their mouths stayed locked as tongues danced, mimicking the movements of their bodies, and then the pace picked up slightly, and he began to stroke deeper and harder in and out of her passage.

Their lips separated, his cheek rubbed gently against hers and moving his head back slightly his eyes opened to find hers were still closed. Seeing the look of utter bliss on her face caused his heart to thump hard "Tell me you're mine baby." His voice was quiet and warm.

"Yes" she whispered softly.

His hands moved down to cup her bottom and keeping her loins pressed firmly against his, he circled his hips, withdrew and thrust forward to sink deep inside her again; groaning at the sung feeling of her inner muscles closing and contracting around his shaft. But suddenly what she said registered, and he stopped moving to hold still and steady inside her. She'd never once said it; she'd said 'yes' and he'd never caught on, but now that he had 'yes' was no longer enough. This time, this night, he needed it all. "Say the words!" He pressed, ignoring the urgency he felt to withdraw and drive into her again.

"You know I am." She moaned throatily; her body quivered and strained against his, but he refused to move and held her still by locking his arms tighter around her slim waist. His eyes slammed shut at the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest, her soft wet passage wrapped lovingly around his penis. Holding tight to his self control, he reigned in the compulsion to move and give them both what they wanted. His breathing became laboured, his chest heaved as he continued to struggle against the instinctive desire to thrust and plunge into her.

He shored up his impatience, determined that she was going to say what he so desperately needed to hear, and opened his eyes to find a frown of unsettled distress on her face. "Look at me Lois." Her eyes flew open and stared into his "Say the words." He demanded; the softness in his voice now gone. But when she refused to speak, he began to stroke in and out shallowly; enough to tease, to have her writhing, but not enough to give either of them the stimulation required.

Trailing one hand from his neck, she lightly skimmed her fingertips over his quivering stomach to where they were joined; tried to undulate her hips but ended up moaning in disappointment when he didn't continue to move as expected.

The soft touch of her fingertips caused his belly to flutter, and when she rubbed her breasts against his chest and contracted her muscles around his penis to entice him further, he clenched his teeth hard at the glorious feeling of her full ripe breasts and hard nipples, caressing him without, while her soft muscles massaged him within.

His heart banged fast against his rib cage, his arms and thighs trembled as he stringently held himself in check; holding completely still until his wavering control was once again shored up. But the need, the black compulsion to drive and sink deep inside her grew and pressed against him "I won't let you hold me off Lo, not this time." He once again continued to dip in and out of her passage, teasing her inner tissues with shallow strokes of his penis; withdrawing and pushing back just inside her opening, giving her a taste but refusing to spare either of them. His jaw clenched hard when she tried to clamp her muscles around his shaft to hold him inside her; and withdrawing completely, he allowed his penis to sit at the entrance to her passage, just nudging at the folds; and tightened his arms to hold her motionless when she tried to push herself down onto him "Say it!" He ground out through gritted teeth; ignoring the fluttering of her hands on his back, her nails scoring his skin, her soft mewling cries.

She bit at his chin softly, tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged, trying to pull his head closer to press her lips against his, but ended by giving a strangled little cry when he resisted her overtures by pulling backwards "Clark please."

Their eyes held fast, their breathing deepened. _He wanted to be inside her, moving within her, making love not war but wouldn't give in. He could be just as determined as she when something was important to him, and this was. He wasn't going to accept any evasions, no more holding back. They belonged to each other, both knew it, he'd said it to her and now he needed to hear her say it back._

He resisted the urge to give in or close his eyes as her hardened nipples brushed against and flirted with his when their breathing grew even heavier, and their chests expanded to capture much needed gulps of air. Grinding down hard on his molars, he reigned in the desire to plunge, and drive, thrust and stroke into her, but when her lashes began to flutter down, his patience disappeared and anger flared hot. He quickly tightened one arm around her waist, and lifted the other to hold her jaw in one firm hand "No! Don't you hide from me Lois, keep your eyes open and look at me." He refused to show her any quarter, holding her eyes relentlessly with his "You're mine, say it!" He saw her tongue swipe over her lips, heard the shakiness of her breath, the pulse flittering in her throat and could see the fear in her eyes at letting go completely; but overall that he could see the love as well, and thought he'd go mad if she didn't give in, give him what he needed. But at her continued silence, the restraint he was well known for finally exploded "GODDAMAN IT; LOIS SAY IT!" He yelled in both anger and desperation.

"I'm yours." She cried in frustration; his heart settled, his lips nuzzled at her shoulder, her arms wrapped tight around his neck, his wrapped hard around her waist and she began to sob in relief as he once again began to stroke and thrust, faster and more relentlessly into her.

Hearing the distressful pleas falling from her lips, feeling her body struggling to find release; his hips began to advance and retreat in a quick rapid fire movement, spearing his penis in and out of her passage, until her teeth clamped onto the side of his neck, her fingertips dug hard into his shoulder blades and with a sobbing cry she lay with her face pressed into the side of his neck gulping air into her overtaxed lungs.

Knowing that he'd satisfied his beloved, his mind and body now looked to his own needs, and tightening his arms around her waist, the velocity of his hips increased driving his penis deep into her core over and over, until the twisting coil of pressure finally snapped; and pushing into her one last time, he grunted loudly in relief against the side of her neck as he emptied himself inside her.

He fell on his back with his shaft sitting peacefully snug inside her channel, still being massaged by her inner trembling muscles. Keeping her cuddled her tight against his chest, he floated them up, pulled his legs out to tangle with hers, floated them back down and stretched lazily; enjoying the tactile sensation of her breasts resting against his chest, her tummy sitting on his, feeling every inhale and exhale she took. His hands stroked over her back and up to her shoulder blades, his chin rubbed lightly against her hair; all while he took a sybaritic delight in being completely surrounded by her, as the breath continued to rasp through his lips.

When their breathing evened, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly. They exchanged light butterfly kisses, lips caressing and moving against each others for several moments until they separated with a last soft kiss. He opened his eyes, saw her lashes flutter up and rolling over, tucked her under him again then lifted up on his forearms, and softly stroked the damp hair from her brow "You said it this time Lo, and you can't take it back; I won't let you." Her head began to shake back and forth, but he stopped it by cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand "You don't have to be scared baby, you know that I belong to you too; body, heart and soul Lois, I always will." He said quietly, tracing his eyes over her face and bending down pressed his lips against her shoulder.

"When did you become so ruthless?" She asked softly.

"When I saw you in Perry's office, and realised that you were _**the woman**_, the one that I'd been waiting for." He replied calmly.

"What are you talking about you were just the same as always, nice and friendly." She replied with a slight frown, lifting a languid hand to pat down the tufts of hair sticking up on his head.

He smiled in tender amusement "You do remember how I wasn't so nice when you tried to dump me after I told you that I loved you?"

She flushed "Yeah but...but you took it well; and you were nice and well sweet afterwards."

"I took it well; I was nice and sweet..." His lips pursed and he nodded slowly "...was that before or after I had you half undressed and pinned against the front door? When I told you that we weren't breaking up? When I agreed that I was a manipulative bastard for using the chemistry we have to get you into bed, or when I further admitted that I lied to get you to date me in the first place?" He waited patiently with quirked eyebrow, and enjoyed not only the way her flush deepened but the discomfiture on her face.

"I meant before, no after, I mean...oh hell forget it." She broke off, and gave him a fleeting embarrassed smile before clearing her throat softly.

He shook his head and bent down to press his lips against her nose "Baby, I'm nice most of the time, but when it comes to you I'm a little bit more ...everything." He moved slightly to settle himself more comfortably inside her "Before we began dating I used to dream of making love with you, and each and every time I imagined you saying that you were mine."

"You've never told me that." Lois replied with a slight frown of perplexity.

"I know, but I did." He said softly rubbing his thumb over her lips before cupping her face in his hands "Lo, it's never just your body I want; it's you. I love you Lois, I told you earlier that I need you more than I need my next breath and I do sweetheart; your body is just the icing to me."

"I was teasing." She replied softly.

"I know, but I don't want you to ever think it's just sex for me, it's not; it never has been. I don't want anyone else; no other woman could give me what I find in your arms." He grasped her hand and lifted to hold it against his cheek "Every time we've made love; even when we've been angry, or impatient or playful; it's only ever been love."

She leant up and kissed his chin "It wasn't always that way for me, it used to be friendship and affection; but I know the difference now Clark, I've known it since the night I realised that I loved you."

"It will only ever be you for me Lois." He pressed her fingers against his lips then reset her hand on his cheek "We didn't know it years ago, but you were made for me baby, we were born to be together."

"I think you're right." She replied softly, stroking her free hand over the small of his back.

"I know I'm right. You keep me happy, frustrated and stimulated both in bed and out Lo. I could never find that combination in any other one person, and I'm not interested in looking." He felt his back muscles ripple in pleasure at the touch of her fingertips gliding on his skin.

Her lips lifted in a small smile "The same is true for me; I thought you were a weirdo when we met, you thought I was annoying; we were both right." He grinned and nodded, she lifted her hand and traced his face with her fingers "We pretty much pissed each other off just by our presence, it was..." She fished around looking for a word that didn't sound too girly, but he supplied his own.

"Kismet." He finished softly and gathering her in his arms, he turned them on their sides and stroked his hand softly over her back, to her shoulder and over, skimming his fingers along the side of her neck, down to her collar bone and up until his hand was sitting lightly but possessively on the side of her throat, while his thumb rubbed gently along her jaw bone "If anything happened and we were separated..." he swallowed hard then continued "...if anyone took me from you, as soon as I was free the first thing I'd do would be to find you Lo, and then I'd bring you home to me." Her lips opened slightly, shaking his head he leant forward, pressed his mouth against hers and promised quietly "I'd find you; it wouldn't matter if years had passed, if you were an old woman, I'd come for you baby."

"Anyone, you mean Lana?" She stated quietly smoothing her hand up and down his arm.

"Anyone, including Lana." He corrected subdued, unable to shake the fear he'd felt earlier.

"Clark, it won't hap..."

"I'd find you Lo." He cut in stubbornly, crushing her gently closer against his chest.

She blew out a soft breath, hooked her leg over his hip and stroked her hand over the back of his neck "I know what this is about, so I'm going to say what you don't want to." She kept her eyes on his and continued quietly "If anything happened, if years passed and when you found me I was happily married, you'd wish me well, and I hope, make a new life for yourself."

"I wouldn't." He replied inflexibly "I'd wait until you were widowed or divorced, and then I'd come for you the next day."

She shook her head, and cupped his face in her hands "Clark I could never love anyone the way that I love you; not ever but I'd rather you found happiness with someone else than to waste your life in solitude."

"It wouldn't be wasted Lo, I'll be waiting for you; there's a difference." He replied just as softly, but firmly.

"I don't want you to do that; I want you to be happy and if that means finding happiness with someone else then that's enough. Please Clark tell me that you will."

He shook his head in reply "No." Leaning forward he pressed his lips against hers in a quick hard kiss then lifted off her, turned out the light, pulled the blankets back over them and hooking an arm around her waist, cuddled her back against his chest "Don't ever ask me to let you go Lois because I can't. It's the one thing I can't give you baby; I need you too much."

"I don't want you to, because I need you the same way." She replied softly, reaching down to clasp his hand with hers "It's not going to happen Clark; I've told you before that you were stuck with me...' She broke off and yawned "...and if that means I have to drag or kick your ass all the way to the altar then I will, but Lana's not getting your hide because I've already earmarked it for myself."

He smiled and nuzzled her cheek "And I've got yours." She nodded sleepily in agreement.

He kissed her cheek and held her close, listening as her breathing evened until she fell back asleep, but was unable to settle into sleep himself. He pressed his face into the side of her neck and whispered "I don't know what I'd do without you Lo, and I don't ever want to find out."

Smallville scrubbed his hands hard over his face wiping away the tears. He couldn't just wait for Lois to be widowed or divorced, that wasn't even an option. His life had been taken from him, Clark's life had been and now their fiancé was someone else's girlfriend.

He'd never forget a moment of their last night together, not his thoughts, their words or actions and felt a tear trickle down his cheek that he was now the only one who remembered that night; for Lois it had never happened. For Lois there had never been a Lois and Clark, they'd been robbed of their chance and she was living in ignorance unaware that her life had taken a turn that it was never supposed to.

The irony of the situation didn't escape him. When he'd left for the Superman call he'd worried about Lois, not wanting her to go anywhere alone. He been blithely unaware that he was the one who was going to be affected, he hadn't given a thought that anything would happen to him, not like this, yet he should have. And now…now he was separated from Lois, now there was a chasm between them that she didn't even realise wasn't supposed to be there.

Dropping his hands, he looked around the pasture but just didn't care anymore about what hadn't been finished. He'd checked all the fences, mended what needed mending, but all he could think about was Lois. He hoped that she did have memories of them, of her intention to start organising their wedding, of any part of their lives together. He had to believe that Lana had been unable to utterly destroy them, and just as Clark had memories of their life, unable to let go of what they had been, that the same was true for Lois.

He had to believe that something of them still existed within his beloved; dreams or memories, right now he'd take an Ouija board message that had been sent to her by Elvis, because he didn't know if he could take it if everything except for friendship had been wiped from her mind. However until he knew one way or another, he'd have to pretend to feel nothing more than the friendship towards her.

Last month when Jo had been in Lois' body, it had hurt when he hadn't seen any love in her eyes, but this was going to be even worse. This time he couldn't treat Lois as he had Jo, he couldn't tell her how much he loved her older self, he had to pretend, and he hated that.

It was going to be harder than when he'd loved her but had pretended that all he'd felt was friendship before she'd gone out with him. More difficult than when they were sleeping together before she knew how he felt. From the time he'd told Lois that he loved her, and gotten her to believe that he was sincere when he said that he expected nothing in return except for them to be together, all pretence had stopped. He'd felt free for the first time to express how he felt, and their relationship had only gotten better, even more so after she loved him. Now he was back to playing games and he hated the necessity of it, and resented Lana all the more for making them necessary.

Once again he scrubbed his hands hard over his face, then pushed to his feet and walked slowly towards the barn. He walked up the loft stairs and stopped when he saw Clark sitting on the couch with closed eyes and dried tear tracks on his cheeks; his face a picture of both grief and comfort.

"I can leave." He offered quietly.

Clark shook his head, scrubbed his hands over his face and opened his eyes "It's ok, I just needed some time to myself, but I think it's safe to say that we both have a lot of similar stuff going on inside so stay if you like."

Nodding thanks he took a seat beside his twin and both men sat quietly, staring at nothing in particular.

"Do you think Lois has dreamt about our life?" Clark asked in a low tone.

Turning to face his twin, he saw the slight optimism in his eyes "I don't know." He replied reserved "I need to believe that despite what Lana's done something of our relationship has survived in Lo's memory, but I'm scared to hope because if it hasn't..." he trailed off and shrugged in defeat.

Clark nodded sadly in accord "I feel the same way, at least if Lois has remembered, it's something compared to a complete white out." He turned to stare forward and then confessed softly "I'm going to tell Lana that I want a divorce." Feeling his twins stare, he shook his head then turned back towards him "Don't worry, I'll wait until the right time, I won't do anything that could alert her to what we know, but if we can't fix this...if we can't then I'm telling her that I want out."

Smallville smiled in commiseration "I don't blame you, but we will fix it Clark. I have no intention of just accepting defeat and losing Lois or my life; none." He returned inflexibly and was gratified when his twin once again nodded in accord.

"Last night I had a dream about Lois and I... " He shared the dream with Smallville, then finished up quietly "This morning when I woke up I knew that if Lois ever wanted me, I'd leave Lana for her. I felt awful because I knew that no matter how much it hurt Lana, I'd still do it and I wouldn't be able to regret it as long as I had Lois." He paused and looked down "I never would have believed I could do that but now..."

"It was real." Smallville replied quietly, nodding when Clark turned to look at him "The fight you described was real, it happened the night before last. We were talking about Lex and Lana one minute, the next we were fighting and it got out of hand."

Clark frowned lightly then added haltingly "It was strange, most of the dreams I've had have been crystal clear, but others haven't. Last night I saw Lo and I fighting, I felt everything that was happening, but I didn't know what had caused it."

"I've read your journals, and by what you've just told me, I think the truth has been trying to fight its way to the surface in your subconscious for years. It appears that whenever you had a dream that was Lana related the details were fuzzy. You might have felt guilty because you were married to her, so although your subconscious was trying to tell you the truth, your mind was blocking it and that's why they those dreams weren't clear." Smallville replied logically.

Clark bobbed his head "But last month the same thing happened. I knew Lois wasn't with me, she was lost, but I couldn't understand how it was possible when she; or Jo I should say was there. I felt the anxiety, the hopelessness, and the joy you felt when Lo returned but I couldn't figure out what was really going on."

Smallville frowned but couldn't figure out a reason and just shrugged "That I don't know, at the time I had no idea that Lana could be responsible for what happened. Looking back she brought up our prior relationship a number of times, but I was oblivious to it because all I could think about was getting Lois back, so I don't have an answer for that one."

Clark smile and gave a careless shrug in return "It's ok; anyway changing the subject I did what you suggested and tried to experience the dreams as real memories."

"Did it work?" He asked curiously.

Clark nodded and lifted his lips in a smile that conveyed both pathos and joy "Yes, not at first but yes it did. I don't even have to try anymore it's all just there; god we were lucky."

"Yes we were." Smallville inclined his head and smiled.

The dam opened and Clark began to pour out questions, asking one after another, confirming memories he had, not only to ensure the details were right, but unable to stop himself from revelling in the freedom of talking with the one person who'd understand better than any other.

"Did Lo really bake cakes and cookies, things like that?"

"Oh yeah, and every attempt was really bad..." Smallville broke off and chuckled "...but she tried so hard and was so pleased with herself, that I just couldn't tell her how awful her cooking was."

"You actually ate it?"

"Of course, I pretended to enjoy it, but if it was really bad then I'd only eat a cookie or two, a slice of pie and tell her that I was saving the rest for later."

"So what'd you really do with the rest?"

"You mean to tell me you don't know?" Smallville countered with lifted brow and twitching lips.

"Well I remember...no not really." Clark broke off with a smothered laugh.

Smallville nodded "Yep, there are some pies, cakes and cookies floating in space right about now."

Both men chuckled at the image of Lois' treats floating in space.

"Poor Lo."

Smallville looked at Clark incredulous "Poor Lo! She didn't eat her own cooking; poor us more like. You know how the government launches probes into space in case aliens exist, telling them that humans are a peaceful people?" Clark bit his lip and smiled "Well I have a feeling if visitors from outer space came and scooped up one of Lois' pies; they'd turn around and use warp factor 100 to get away from us, because they'd think humans were liars who were trying to poison the galaxy."

That did it; they began to scream with laughter, until the tears were falling down their cheeks. When they calmed neither could wipe the smile of their face.

"You don't have to tell me, I do remember but I guess I just want to know..." Clark broke off, could feel the flush crawl up his neck but pushed on regardless "Was making love with Lois as good as I described in the journals?"

Smallville's lips lifted "Yes, I read every word that you'd written in the journals, even the parts where Lo and you had sex. What you wrote was pretty damn hot, but the words can't describe how much better it was in reality."

His twin bobbed his head "I know, I tried to put as much detail down that I remembered, but sometimes I struggled to put into words what I was trying to say."

"You did good Clark, believe me, you did really good." Smallville grinned at his twin "It was poetry, but not the flowery, rehearsed kind. It was earthy, sometimes bawdy, other times romantic or soft and erotic. Women would say sensual but that's just a nice way of saying carnal, steamy or to be polite epicurean." He paused and finished quietly "And all of those words describe Lo's and my love life."

"Our love life." Clark retorted swiftly and smiled.

"Ours." Smallville corrected with a slight inclination of his head.

Afterwards they walked back to the house and when they entered the kitchen the women were pleased at the smiles on their faces.

Clark took a seat at the kitchen island, Smallville leant against the sink. He scanned the occupants of the room and decided to speak before it was too late "Listen I've been thinking about this. We're not going to tell either Lois or Lana that we know the truth, but I think we should tell Lo that Lana's the one who brought me here."

When they all looked at him with raised brows, he sighed and gestured with his hand "I just think it's a good idea. Lois is pretty cluey, and if we don't tell her some of the truth she'll soon get suspicious. She'll know we're lying to her and I don't want her to think that we can't trust her. This isn't about trust, this is about protecting her but she won't see it that way and she won't thank us for it."

Clark knew that his twin had deeper motives, agreed wholeheartedly with them and signified his approval by nodding firmly.

"You're worried that she'll tell you take a hike." Chloe stated incisively; retrieving the bread from the oven and placing it on the rack to cool before turning to face him directly.

"Then leave and go home to Oliver." Martha summed up neatly, stirring the contents on the stove without missing a beat.

"No it's not that..." He broke off at the steady look in their eyes, then nodded shortly "Yeah, if she's here with us then she's not with Oliver, so yeah. I'm being petty aren't I?"

"You're not the only one; I was thinking the same thing." Clark put in with a wry twist to his lips.

"Neither of you are being petty, you're being human. You want Lois here with us, it's understandable." His mom replied and Chloe smiled in confirmation.

The two men looked at each other then turned back to the women and smiled "Thanks but what I said before is also true, Lois will know something's up if she catches us whispering behind her back. At least this way we can tell her a little bit, just enough so that she won't feel left out or think that we don't trust her." Smallville suggested again.

"It's a good idea, as you said Lois is cluey and she'll wonder why I bothered asking her to come, if we're just going to have secret meetings behind her back." Chloe replied and all three nodded at this.

"Ok, so we'll tell her some of it, and ask her to not say anything to Lana."

"Lo will question that."

He sighed and nodded "I know but as you said before Chlo, we're going to lie to her anyway so we might as well take it all the way. We'll just tell her it's because we don't want to hurt Lana's feelings or something, at least then it'll stop her from saying anything to Lana that could get herself hurt or give us away." Smallville finished calmly.

They once again all nodded and began to discuss exactly what they felt could be revealed and what had to stay hidden.

oOo

Author Note: Lois arrives in the next chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Opening her eyes at the slight shake to her shoulder, Lois looked groggily at the stewardess, peered out the window, saw that the plane was banking over Metropolis and turned back to nod. Putting the seat upright, she snapped on her seat belt then stretched and closed her eyes again until she felt the bounce of the plane on the tarmac.

Grabbing her laptop case and purse, she made her way into the terminal, stopped for a much needed break at the restrooms then purchased an even more needed large black coffee from one of the airports many cafes. In no hurry to go anywhere she sat and enjoyed the coffee and by the time she'd finished it and made her way to the carousel, her luggage was already there. Feeling more awake and with it, she grabbed her bag, retrieved the car keys from the rental agency, stepped outside the terminal and smiled. A quick stop was made in Metropolis for another large black coffee and to pick up the order she'd placed late the previous afternoon, and then she was soon on her way to Smallville.

She drove along the roads with the music playing softly, enjoying being back in her old stomping grounds. She'd been living in Star City for four months, and although she wasn't quite used to it yet she had become fond of the place, but it was still Metropolis that felt like home to her. However, Oliver's home base was Star City, and as he was an integral part of her life, she had no regrets in moving there.

She hadn't been back to Smallville in a long time, and she was looking forward to it. Chloe hadn't told her what was going on, but as she'd already made plans to spend a few days with her cousin anyway, spending them in Smallville was just fine with her.

It was almost 10 years since she'd first visited the small town to investigate her cousins supposed death. She'd never had the faintest idea then that the town and most especially the farm would become a home to her.

No matter how long between visits, even after years she could walk into the Kent farm house and still feel at home. She would never, ever have believed that a sleepy little corn town would be somewhere that she'd feel comfortable in for long, yet she'd ended up staying for over two years.

She still preferred the city, the hustle and bustle of the crowds, the fast paced life, but Smallville was special and she always enjoyed her visits. Of course Smallville was special in more than one way, it was also special in that you didn't know what or who was going to try and kill you on any given day, but it certainly couldn't be said to be boring.

If she'd never gone to Smallville and stayed, spent so much time around Chloe would she have become a journalist? Working at the Inquisitor had given her a thirst for the profession, but prior to that, working in the industry hadn't appealed to her. Sticking her nose into other people's business was different, that was usually because it was just a fun pastime, and hey when you don't have any of your own business to mind, minding someone else's would do just as well. In the grand scheme of things she supposed it really made no difference, she loved being a journalist and that was what mattered.

But Ollie was a different matter; would she have met him if she'd never gone to Smallville? She'd fallen like a ton of bricks when she met him the first time; and several months after he'd walked out on her, she would have been glad to never set eyes on him again. But when he'd turned up at the farm a little over two years ago, the hurt she'd felt years ago at his leaving was long gone, so seeing him again had been nice. It had taken her back to when they first met, and their trip down memory lane had been fun. However, as far as she was concerned, enjoying reminiscing about their past was one thing, getting back together was another and she hadn't been interested.

After spending the weekend at the farm, she'd returned home early Monday morning only to find that Ollie had tracked down her phone number, and had left her a message; a very long message, long enough that he'd talked until the tape in her machine had run out. She'd laughed at that; he'd talked non-stop about what he'd been doing for the six years they hadn't seen each other, and he'd obviously felt no shame in using up the tape.

Later that night he'd turned up at her place with Chinese take away for dinner and a smile. When she asked him how he knew when she'd be back, he'd promptly informed her that her cousin had been the snitch, ratting out Chloe without batting an eye, then held up the take away reminding her it had to be eaten while hot.

She'd let him in, they'd eaten dinner, had nice friendly conversation, and then they'd had sex. Neither of them had intended it to happen, at the time she thought it was just a six year old itch that needed scratching, but Ollie had let her know the next morning that it had nothing to do with an itch or anything else. He wanted her back and he was dead serious about it.

The sex that night had been nice, not earth shaking but hell it had been a while since she'd had any, so it had been damned nice, but that's all it had been; sex. However, when he was on the point of leaving the next morning after breakfast, and began making plans for them, she realised that she had to make sure he understood that them getting back together, wasn't going to happen.

He'd replied that walking away from her had been the biggest mistake he'd ever made; and not one he was going to repeat.

She'd let him know as nicely as possible that his leaving hadn't been a mistake, that their relationship was in the past and they now had a nice memory to add to it, but that was it. He'd listened then pulled her into his arms and kissed her senseless before telling her that he was going to court her, and he had.

He'd sent her flowers, called just to have a chat, turned up at the Planet to take her out to lunch, turned up at her apartment with take away for dinner and calmly let her rant, and yell at him when she'd had a bad day at work; sometimes making her laugh afterwards, at others just giving her a shoulder to bitch on. He'd all but hounded her, and little by little she'd been charmed once again.

That had surprised her, sex was one thing, enjoying spending time with an attractive charming man was another, but love scared her. When she'd dated him previously she'd been 20, and by then had left the adolescent fantasies of believing every boy she went out with was THE ONE far behind. At 20, love was enjoyable because the word didn't have a permanent connotation attached to it; life was for fun not the serious business of happily ever after. She thought that she'd loved him when she was 20, but even then she hadn't dreamt of orange blossom. When he'd left it had taken her time to get over it, but she had and then she'd come to realise that he'd touched her heart, but he'd never owned it.

When she met him again at 26, she was more cautious, more wary; love was a much bigger and scarier word and she wasn't disposed to give her heart so easily. She'd been through the relationship wars; she'd heard the soft romantic words from men who just wanted to score, and the even more ardent words from those who wanted her while she was unattainable but who soon lost interest when she wasn't. She was sick of the games and dating hell but found herself reluctantly charmed by his persistence. However, she was no longer a starry eyed kid; this time she was older and wiser and not inclined to jump in with both feet.

Oliver was different, the intervening years hadn't made him more cynical or guarded. He'd told her that he was older, wiser and not inclined to walk away so easily and he hadn't. No matter where he was in the world, he either called her at night, or left a message on her machine. He listened when she told him why they weren't going to get back together then gave his own arguments about why they were.

She realised that she missed him when he had to cancel spending Christmas in Metropolis. She'd invited him to share the day with her family; Chloe, her uncle, dad and sister, knowing that he had no one, but when he had to pull out due to Green Arrow work, she'd understood and was sorry that he wouldn't be joining them after all. But when he called to wish her Merry Christmas, hearing his voice on the line had been nice and that's when she knew that he was getting to her.

By then it had been four months since they met again at the farm, they'd had sex once, and he was getting to her. At the time she wasn't thrilled about it, but now she was glad that he'd never given up.

It wasn't until February that they got back together, and it was June before they slept together again, but he'd never once tried to rush her or push, he'd just made sure that she knew he was there, and he wasn't going to walk away.

She and Ollie had to lose each other to find each other again but for them it was right. He made her happy, he said that she did the same for him; all in all, she was damn grateful that he'd pursued her despite her protests.

Seeing the Smallville sign, she pulled over, killed the engine, snagged her purse and hopped out of the car. Walking to the back she hopped up on the boot, unzipped her purse, pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply, and closed her eyes as the taste filled her mouth, then blew out a stream of smoke lazily.

She couldn't stop smiling; she was 28 years old and had a wonderful life. She had an amazing man who loved her that she intended to spend the rest of her life with; a man that she was damn proud of for putting himself out there to help others. She had good friends, a family that had grown closer since she was a kid, and now she was going back to the first place she'd thought of as home.

The only blot on her horizon was the dreams that continued to plague her. She wanted them to stop but they wouldn't. However, she couldn't help holding tight to the hope that one day soon they would cease. Considering they'd been occurring for years she didn't hold out much hope then shrugged internally, dreams were just that; dreams. She wasn't going to let a dream rule her life; she had Oliver and didn't need anyone else.

She finished the cigarette, stamped it out then hopped back in the car and when she reached the driveway of the Kent farm, swung the wheel left, and drove down the lane stopping outside the house. Here it was; the place that had started it all for her and she was glad to be back.

oOo

"What's the time mom?"

"It's just after 2.30 sweetie." Martha replied patiently and shared a quick look with Chloe. Both Clark's had grown increasingly nervous knowing that Lois was to arrive around 3, and had taken to periodically asking what the time was every 10 minutes.

All was quiet as they pretended to take an interest in the movie on the TV screen. When Smallville next spoke, Chloe's mouth had opened automatically but his announcement had all eyes flying to him "She's close." He said quietly and at the surprised looks of the women, briefly touched his ear; one look in Clark's direction found that he was nodding also.

"Ok, well it's going to be fine; just stay calm."

"Calm right, my fiancé is going to be here any minute, but she doesn't know that she's my fiancée because she's Oliver's girlfriend." Smallville replied taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

Martha leant over and grasped his hand "I know honey, but right now she's not your fiancé, to her you're just an old friend whose been married to Lana for years."

He swallowed hard, looked over at Clark and found the same look of hope and anxiety in his eyes that he felt in his gut "I don't think I can do this; just pretend that we're friends."

"You have to Smallville, until we figure out how to reverse it, you have to pretend." Chloe replied firmly but gave his arm a pat in solidarity.

He nodded and blew out a deep breath "Ok."

The two men stood up, trying to tone down their rising agitation, the women stood likewise, and then a car was heard pulling to a stop outside the house.

They all shared one quick look of comradeship then got busy placing the cookies, coffee tray, saucers and utensils on the table. Chloe had just set the cake in the centre when there was a perfunctory bang on the door. Martha opened it and there was Lois standing on the threshold with an enormous basket in her arms and a smile on her face; causing the breath to catch in both men's chests at seeing their Lois was finally here.

"Sorry about the bang but I had to use my foot to kn..." The smile slid of her face and was quickly replaced by a frown "Ok, I think I'm still a little hung over because I'm seeing two Clark's." She balanced the basket she was carrying between the crook of one arm, lifted her leg to hold it in place with her knee, and used her now free hand to slide off her sunglasses and peer at the men. When her balance began to wobble, she placed the basket on the ground, looked at the men again and blinked, closed her eyes then opened them again "I could have sworn that I was sober. I never would have driven if I'd thought I was even a little inebriated, but maybe I had one of those funny drinks, and it's done something to my vision."

"There's nothing wrong with your eyes Lo, there are two Clarks and this is why I had to come here; as you can see we have a little problem." Chloe smiled sweeping her arm out at the men standing beside the kitchen island.

"Oh thank god..." Lois let out a relieved breath then quickly rushed on "...not for you for me." She waved one hand at the men then patted herself on the chest "I thought that I'd drunk enough coffee and water to wash away the last of the cobwebs, but for a minute I thought I was in some kind of drunken haze." Bending down she picked up the huge gift basket and handed it to elder Kent "Belated Merry Christmas Martha."

"Oh honey you didn't have to bring me this." Martha staggered and smiled gratefully when both her sons stepped forward to take it from her hands and place it on the kitchen island.

"Of course I did, but Martha just a warning, if you don't open it yourself while I'm here; I'll probably end up ripping into it, and greedily tucking into the stuff that I like." Lois replied laughing at herself.

"I'm sure that you won't." Martha reproved with a smile.

"Oh yeah, don't be so sure about that. Remember the time I had the TV and play station set up that was sent to Clark as a present. It wasn't mine but that didn't stop me setting it up and playing on it." She countered in a dry voice.

Both Clark's laughed; Martha chuckled then stepped forward to give Lois a tight hug "Well I'm still touched, so thank you."

"No problem, Ollie tells me that I have to learn to keep my sticky fingers to myself, but I have a feeling that's never gonna happen." She shrugged unconcerned then turned to embrace her cousin "I already wished you on the day Chlo, but I didn't see you so belated Merry Christmas."

"You too cuz; dad and I loved the presents you sent."

"Likewise." She turned to the Clark's, cocked her head and smiled "So do I wish both of you, or is one of you a stranger, and I have to run away like I was warned to do as a kid?"

"You know us both Lo." Smallville grinned in return.

She grinned in return, stepped forward and hugged both men, pecking their cheeks and wishing them "Ok, well I've got another basket in the car for ...well for Clark and Lana, so the three of you will just have to share it I guess. It's in the car so you can get it later, ok?"

"Lo I called you yesterday evening, and this basket looks like it was specially made up, not just taken off the shelf, so how did you get them organised so quickly?" Chloe poked at the basket then looked at her cousin with a wrinkled frown.

"I used the influence of my boyfriend of course; what's the point of having a guy who can make things happen if I'm not going to use it when I need to." She grinned and everyone smiled at her unaffected honesty in using connections when she had them.

"Come and sit down dear, we were waiting for you so that we could chat about everything and have afternoon tea at the same time." Martha swept out her arm and gestured to the table.

She nodded then shook her head "I have to use the bathroom first, I've drunk so much coffee and water, that some things just have to take precedence before anything else." She ran up stairs and was down minutes later joining everyone at the table.

"Where'd you go last night Lo?" At her lifted brow Chloe smiled "I'm guessing that you went out since you drank quite a bit, or did you and Oliver stay in."

She nodded then shook her head "Yes and no, I went out but not with Ollie. A friend of mine from work felt like celebrating, and asked a bunch of us if we felt like getting together for a girls night out. I didn't have any plans, neither did a few of the others, so we decided to make a night of it and went out for dinner, then onto a nightclub afterwards."

"Celebrate what, a late Christmas or an early New Year?" Clark asked bemused.

Lois shook her head "Neither but I guess you could say she got a late Christmas or an early New Years present. Yesterday she got divorced and wanted to celebrate finally getting rid of her lying, cheating bastard ex; her words not mine." She finished laughing.

"She actually wanted to celebrate being divorced?" Martha asked flabbergasted.

Lois shook her head and smiled "No not divorced free; apparently she'd already done the crying, depressed, feeling like a failure, hating him schitck that everyone goes through when a relationship hits the skids. Now she was just relieved that the formalities were over with, and she was rid of him for good. As we've all had our share of bastard ex's we could understand just how she felt, and went to celebrate with her in style." She paused and lifted her coffee to sip "I think she might have celebrated a bit too much though."

"Why?"

"Because at one point, she stripped off her clothes, and danced in her underwear."

"Didn't you try and stop her?" Clark asked astonished.

"What for, no one was hassling her, if anyone had tried anything we would have waded in, but security was there and besides everyone was too busy having a good time. They cheered her on but that was all; and um well...we were all kind of hammered ourselves, so didn't think it was unusual that she wanted to dance without her clothes on." She admitted sheepishly.

"So Lo, did you strip off and start dancing in your underwear too?" Chloe asked with twitching lips and when her cousin flushed bright red, she began to laugh "Oh my god, you did?"

"I um…." She coughed lightly and felt the heat crawl up her neck at the amused expressions reflected at her "Well you see, when they began playing 'It's Raining Men' we decided to show our girlfriend some solidarity, and so we stripped off too." She dropped her head in her hands and groaned "When you're that drunk every idea sounds brilliant."

"Now we know why you didn't try and stop her, you were all too busy joining her." Chloe began to giggle, she was soon joined by Martha and the men gave up the battle and joined in. Lois just laid her head on the table and groaned again.

When the laughter died down she lifted her head and gave a mortified smile "It gets worse, we'd been taking photos all night with our phones, and we must have thought it was mighty hilarious to take snaps while we were drunk as skunks, and dancing almost naked, because I have the evidence on my phone." When everyone started laughing again, she joined in, ignoring the red that had previously died down, suffuse her cheeks once again.

She smiled "When Ollie saw the photo's this morning, he grinned knowingly. So I just told him that he and his friends in the JLA keep the world safe, so that my friends and I can go out and have fun."

"Good one." Chloe snickered, high fiving her cousin.

"Thanks, I thought so too."

"I'm surprised that none of the men cheered encouragement for all of you to strip off completely." Smallville put in with a straight face.

"They did." She nodded and grinned.

"So why didn't you?"

She looked at him like he was crazy "Get real; drunk or not I'm aware of possible dangers."

"I'm glad dear." Martha replied, reaching over to pat Lois' hand, and they all nodded in agreement, happy that Lois had self protection down pat, no matter how drunk.

"So am I, something like that probably would have caused a riot." Smallville also felt relieved that a bunch of men hadn't seen his fiancé naked, and sharing a swift look with Clark understood that his twin shared his sentiments.

Lois giggled and slapped a hand over her mouth when they all frowned at her "No by danger I didn't mean causing a disturbance at the night club; I meant that I'm not exactly built on the small side. If I tried dancing and jiggling around without a bra, my boobs would bounce up, smack me in the face and either knock me unconscious or give me two black eyes."

Martha coughed out the coffee she'd sipped as her shoulders began shaking silently with mirth, the men sniggered, Chloe giggled and once again they all began roaring with laughter; not only at their misinterpretation, but at the image Lois had evoked with her words.

Not bothering to give them time to stop laughing, Lois decided to confess all and get it over with, but took a sip of her coffee first, nodding as the rich brew hit her palate "God, I haven't drunk that much in years. I crawled home around 3am, and I do mean crawled. Ollie told me that he found me on my hands and knees looking for somewhere to sleep. Apparently I decided that under the coffee table was the place that I wanted to be, because when he tried to drag me out, I kept crawling back under there and I have the bruises on my knees to prove it."

When they laughed harder she grimaced "I swear I don't know how in the hell I used to be able to party all night and still be functioning the next day, because today I feel like a wreck. Either I'm out of practice or I'm getting old." She moaned miserably.

"You're getting old." Chloe replied promptly then yelped when Lois poked her in the side.

"I'm not old Chloe, shut up." She growled back good natured.

"So do we get to see the photos?" Smallville asked with a wide smile, but straightened his face when Lois shot him a look.

"Maybe." She giggled shaking her head lightly before quickly lifting a hand to her head "Ok, my hangover only ceased a little while ago, and if I don't want it to come back, I've gotta stop doing that." She lifted the cup but instead of drinking, looked back and forth between the two men sitting opposite her, before her lips tilted in a smile "Anyway now that you've heard my rich and colourful tale, which one of you is the Clark that I know?"

"You know both of us."

"You said that before but are both of you married to Lana?"

"No, he is." Smallville replied pointing his thumb at this twin.

She nodded "So who are you?"

"I'm..."

She held up her hand and smiled at everyone "Wait, before we get into the freaky stuff, I have something to show you, ok?" They all nodded, Lois opened her purse and fiddled around "It's not photos but I think it's even better." The sight that met their eyes was not one they were prepared for "Well, what'd you think?" She smiled, showing of her hand which had a sparkling engagement ring sitting on her finger. She waited for the shouts of congratulations to come her way, and was surprised when everyone just stared "Umm, you don't like it?"

"Of course I do..." Chloe shook her head then turned and gave her cousin a tight hug "It's beautiful Lo, sorry you kind of caught me off guard for a minute; congratulations sweetie."

"I'm very happy for you dear." Martha said softly, getting out of her seat to hug the younger woman before sitting back down.

"Congratulations." Smallville said quietly, getting up to give Lois a tight hug; and felt his heart clench tighter in his breast; _this was his fiancé he was holding, not Oliver's_.

"Yes congratulations." Clark copied his twin's example and closed his eyes when he felt her arms slip around his waist returning his embrace; _this had been his fiancé_.

Once everyone was sitting down again Lois began "Ok so what..."

"When did it happen?" Smallville cut in quietly "Your engagement." He put in at the confused look on her face.

"The night before last." She smiled then turned to her cousin "Ollie and I rang daddy, but I decided to tell you in person Chlo, and don't worry I didn't tell the girls I went out with last night because I wanted to tell you first." At her cousin's smile and nod she turned back to address everyone again "More than likely I would have dragged Chloe up here so I could show my ring off to all of you as well..." She laughed lightly at herself then quickly corrected "...well not all of you because I didn't know there were two Clark's but you get what I mean." They nodded and smiled; she let out a gurgle of laughter "I told Ollie that I accepted because I wanted to get my greedy little hands on his money; he said that he asked because he wanted to keep his greedy little hands on my body; so we're both pretty happy with the end result." She finished cheerfully.

Everyone laughed appropriately but all they could really feel was hurt, Martha hurt for her sons, Chloe hurt for her friends, and the two Clark's hurt because they would have been happy for Lois, if they weren't affected by this turn of events themselves.

Once again Smallville couldn't stop the irony of remembering that only last night he was glad that Lois was with Oliver and wished them both happy. Clark thought it was ironic that although he'd loved Lois for years, he'd still been glad that Oliver could give her the happiness that he couldn't. Now both men couldn't help but feel sick at the knowledge that Lois who should be their fiancé was happily engaged to Oliver, simply because Lana had messed with their lives. They could see that Lois was happy but could no longer be happy for her; it hurt that her life had been changed and she didn't seem aware of it.

"Anyway where's Lana?" Lois asked, picking her coffee up with one hand, and reaching for a sugar cookie with the other.

"She'll be joining us for dinner; she's working at the real estate office, then she'll go home after work, make something for dinner and be here about 5." Clark answered with a smile.

"Ok, so what's going on with the two Clark's; I know you're not a twin, so give." She listened quietly while Chloe gave her the story they'd all agreed on, that Smallville was from an alternate reality. When her cousin stopped talking, Lois looked back and forth between the two men once again "It's uncanny, you look exactly alike; but you're not married to Lana?"

"No."

"So were your lives always different, or were they exactly alike and then diverged?"

"Um, well they were the same but when Lana married Lex instead of me in my world, but married Clark in this one, our lives diverged." Smallville replied giving her the bare bones and wondering how he was going to get through this.

Lois nodded then turned to Martha "Be happy that he wasn't a twin when he was at school."

The two women laughed and the men flushed "Martha and I thought the same thing Lo; all the girls would have been flocking around the farm."

"Actually I meant be grateful that you didn't have two of them crying on your shoulder about Lana." She chuckled lightly "Oh that poor girl; it wouldn't have made any difference if all the other girls had flocked. The two of them would have fought over Lana, and made both your life and hers a living hell Martha."

Chloe bit her lip, Martha nodded with a slight smile, and the two men shifted in their seats uncomfortably "That might not have happened Lois." Clark said quietly.

"Well considering your lives were the same up to your marriage, then he..." She pointed to Smallville "...had to have broken up with Lana, which means they must have dated and you..." pointed to Clark "...are married to her, so I'm guessing both of you were nuts about her." She shrugged pointing out the logic.

"That was a long time ago." Smallville put forward in a small voice.

"Yeah but if one Clark was bad, two of you would have sent me round the bend; I would have ended up in Belle Reeve and more than likely everyone else would have joined me." Lois replied with chuckle "So ...excuse me." She reached into her purse, grabbed the phone and after checking the caller ID smiled "Ollie hi...I got here about 20 minutes ago, can you hang on for a minute?" After getting an affirmative reply she sent a swift look around the table and stood "I'm just going to take this outside, I'll be back soon ok?" And without further ado she walked from the kitchen to the front door and stepped outside.

oOo

Once Lois was gone Martha and Chloe simultaneously reached out and picked up a hand of each of the men "I'm sorry sweeties, we always knew this was coming and I would have been genuinely happy for Lois and Oliver but now that we know what's going on..." Martha trailed off helplessly at the identical looks of misery both Clark's wore.

"She's engaged to Oliver." Smallville tried to smile but ended up swallowing hard "If we can't fix this, Lois will marry Oliver."

"We will fix it Smallville." Chloe replied firmly. Over the past few years she'd hated seeing the hurt in her friend's eyes every time he looked at Lois, and now that she knew the truth she hated it even more.

"I just wish..." He broke off and shook his head "Just two days ago everything was fine, Lois and I were together and we were happy but now..."

"I know."

"When I brought up the subject of marriage Lois said that she wasn't ready; the night she asked me to marry her I was over the moon. Now I don't know whether to feel flattered that she asked me and not him, or deflated that she refused me and accepted him." He tried to smile and couldn't.

Seeing the downcast expression on both their faces, Chloe decided to share a little of what had been told to her in confidence "Guys" when the men turned to her, she looked at each before speaking "Lois told me this in confidence, so don't tell her that I told you ok?" They both nodded agreement "Oliver has asked Lois to marry him at least three times, and each time she said no, this time she obviously said yes."

The men looked at each other and frowned then turned back to her "But if they were still together anyway then I don't understand?" Clark replied speaking for both of them.

"Being rejected isn't easy and she didn't want Oliver to be hurt by others knowing about it. How would you feel if you're already hurting because your girlfriend has turned you down, and then to make matters worse, its broadcast that she's refused you multiple times in the same rag magazines that show you as a happy couple?" She asked calmly.

Both men grimaced and nodded in understanding at the humiliation they'd feel in that situation.

"She kept refusing him?" Smallville asked softly.

"Yes, but she **asked** you to marry her, she didn't wait for you to ask her again, so don't go thinking that she loves him more, ok." She reminded him pointedly then gave his hand a pat and let go.

He nodded and blew out a breath "Thanks. Do you know why she refused him?"

"She wasn't ready; she only wants to get married once and not half a dozen times, so she wanted to be sure before committing herself."

Smallville nodded again and felt the fist around his heart unclench a little, but only by a fraction. He hated that Lois had no memory of being engaged to him, of loving him only the previous morning. The night she got engaged to Oliver, was also the last night they'd spent together and he hated the coincidence of that as well.

That night he'd thought up possibilities of the things Lana might do, but he'd never ever imagined this scenario. He'd never imagined that it would be him who'd be aware of what was going on, and Lois innocently unsuspecting. He'd only thought of the possibilities of Lana somehow enslaving him, doing something to affect him and Lois being the one who was trying to get him back from Lana.

Even though Lois now knew that he wasn't the Clark who was married to Lana, just the fact that he _was_ Clark, and she'd known him to be married to Lana for 8 years would be enough for her to only see him as Lana's husband.

Lois had told him that if he ever went missing that she'd find him and bring him home; but that didn't apply in this situation. He was in the right world so he wasn't missing, and she didn't consider him her fiancé, so she wouldn't be trying to get him back.

He couldn't bear the thought of her with anyone else, of another man touching her in love, while he had to play the role of friend, but right now he had no choice; accepting that scraped at the wound that was still fresh from learning that his fiancé was his no longer. In this time she had never been his. She had never been his girlfriend, his lover or his fiancé. Only last month when they were lying in bed after their party, Lois had teased him by saying that he'd better love her because she didn't get engaged to just anyone, and he'd replied that she was never going to be engaged to anyone but him. However, he hadn't counted on Lana using his teenage feelings for her, as the instrument in tearing him and Lois apart.

As he'd told Clark earlier, he wasn't going to give up, but if in the end they couldn't find a way to reverse what had been done, he also wasn't going to stand politely in the background and let Lois marry Oliver without trying to get her back. There was no point in lying to himself; he'd try anything including trying to steal her from Oliver, fighting for her or if need be, using magic to get her to remember their relationship, but whatever he had to do, he'd do it because he wasn't going to just accept that this was now his life and Lois was lost to him for good.

He stood up and paced around the kitchen, his anger at Lana once again surfacing. He kept trying to push it down so that he could think with a clear head, so that he wouldn't verbally attack her when she arrived, but it was getting harder to do with each new revelation. He looked over at the table, saw that the women were watching him worriedly, saw the same simmering anger and helplessness in Clark's eyes and tried to reign himself in. If he went off, it wouldn't take his twin long to join in, and they had to keep their wits about them and stay sharp through this whole mess.

He ran a hand around the back of his neck, dropped his head and sighed then looked at his mom when he felt her hand slip into his "It's going to be alright sweetie, we'll fix this I promise. I refuse to believe that nothing can be done."

"Same here." Chloe put in quietly, reaching over to give Clark's hand a comforting pat.

Both men nodded "Thank you."

The women smiled in commiseration and retaking his seat he let out a soft huff of laughter to try and break the tension "Dancing in her underwear while they played 'It's raining men', is it any wonder that I'm crazy about the woman." They all grinned at that "I have a feeling that if I didn't know Lois, and redK Clark was at that nightclub last night; he wouldn't have been satisfied with just cheering her on, there would have been a lot of coming onto her as well."

His twin nodded in agreement "Oh yeah, if juiced up Clark and drunk Lois collided it wouldn't have been pretty. More than likely I would have stripped off and joined her on the dance floor, she would have told me to get lost and then our battle for supremacy would have been on." He shook his head and grinned wider "And if she didn't tell me to get lost, I can just imagine the mayhem the two of us would have created." The women snickered then all four began to laugh.

"Thank god that never happened." Martha replied wiping tears of mirth from her cheeks.

Chloe turned to the older woman and winked before looking at the men "Oh I don't know Martha, we don't remember what they were like as a couple. For all we know, Clark slips on the redK ring, Lois gets stinking drunk, and the two of them get their jollies by running around Metropolis in their underwear." Her voice was dead straight with only a slight quiver, but her eyes gleamed with humour.

The men grinned at the mental picture she'd conjured up, Martha pressed her hand against her mouth, and the four began to laugh once again.

They all felt slightly better for the shared laughter, the heaviness since Lois' engagement announcement was still present, but not as oppressive and the two men smiled at the women.

"Thanks Chloe, I guess we needed that." Smallville said looking at his twin and seeing him nod in agreement.

"Well you started the ball rolling with your talk of redK Clark, but all joking aside we're going to fix this no matter what." Chloe replied seriously.

"Absolutely." Martha seconded then leant over and once again clasped a hand of each of the men "Sweeties we knew this wasn't going to be easy for you, and it's going to be even harder now that Lois is engaged, but Chloe and I want you to know that if either of you need talk or vent, just to get it of your chest, you can come to one or both of us at any time."

The men nodded, and pressed her hands in return.

"Your mom and I are here for you, we might not know what to say, you may not want us to say anything at all, but we'll listen just so that you don't have to carry it alone ok?" Chloe put in quietly.

"Thank you." Clark replied, speaking for both his twin and himself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Sorry about that, Ollie just wanted to make sure that I got here safely." Lois smiled walking back into the kitchen and taking a seat at the table once again "I told him about the two Clarks, he just laughed and asked if there were two Lana's as well." Everyone exchanged polite smiles and uncomfortable looks "Anyway he said that if he can help to let him know, and he'll be here ASAP." She picked up her coffee and sipped "So, do you have any idea what's brought you to our world?" She asked looking at the two Clark's.

The four people looked at each other, and shifted in their seats. Deciding to start with the hardest part, Chloe addressed her cousin "Lo, there's something you should know about Clark."

"What?" She asked giving both men a quick perusal.

Chloe gestured with her hand, the two men looked at each other and Clark replied "We're not human Lois, we're aliens."

She nodded slowly, sipped her coffee, scratched her cheek and gestured with her hand "You're aliens?"

"Yeah, but we're the same man, I mean we're both Clark Kent we're just from two different worlds." Smallville put in with a small smile that slipped of his face at her response.

"Well of course, I mean what's the point of being an alien if you're not from a different world; unless you were talking about being an illegal alien from across the border." She asked politely with a soft snort of sarcasm.

"No Lo, I meant that I'm from an alternate universe."

"I know what you meant." She retorted dryly, and let out an irritated sigh "Look if you don't want to tell me the truth that's fine, but don't insult my intelligence by giving me some cock and bull story about being an alien."

"It's true Lois, we're not lying. The first meteor shower was caused by our arrival." Clark put forward hesitantly.

"So where's your space ship?" She asked and lifted both brows.

"I blew it up."

"How convenient." She looked between all of them but couldn't see even a hint of humour in anyone's face and let out a deep breath "Chloe swear to me they're telling the truth."

Her cousin nodded "They are Lo; I know it's hard to believe but it's true."

"Does Ollie know?" They all nodded, she pulled out her phone, pressed automatic dial, stood up and walked around the kitchen aimlessly, while waiting for the other end to be picked up.

"Oliver Queen, if you ever want sex again, you will answer this question honestly; are we clear?" Her voice wasn't loud but the four people heard and quickly began to make small talk, each hoping to drown out any more of her conversation and were glad when it appeared to work.

"Lois."

"Yes Oliver, Lois. Did you just hear me?" She replied patiently.

"Yes, and I promise to answer honestly."

"Clark just told me that he's an alien, is he or isn't he?"

"Yeah Lo, he is." Oliver said quietly "Are you mad that I didn't tell you?"

"Of course not, I understand all about secrets. Now if you were an alien and didn't tell me, then you'd be in trouble." She replied, the suppressed laughter audible in her voice.

"I'm not an alien, but you have told me that our sex life is sometimes out of this world." He replied promptly.

She burst out laughing "I asked where you come up with some of your ideas."

"Close enough." He riposted with a chuckle and after a few more minute's conversation she hung up, and walked back to join everyone at the table once again "So you're an alien, ok."

"You're not angry that we didn't tell you?" Clark asked quietly, and felt absurdly relieved that she didn't appear to be harbouring resentment for being kept in the dark.

She shook her head and replied calmly "Nah, as I told Ollie, if he was an alien and didn't tell me then there'd be trouble, but my dad's a general so I understand all about secrets. I just don't get why you're telling me now?"

All four breathed a silent sigh of relief that she wasn't angry with them but it was Smallville who answered her question "We thought you needed to know to help us figure out how to fix this."

"Fair enough, so have you come up with anything so far?"

"We think it was done by magic." He replied, he knew how Lois felt about anything to do with hocus pocus, and hoped that she would put her scepticism aside for the present.

"Magic?" Lois asked doubtfully.

"Yeah."

"Why, what's the point?"

Blowing out a deep breath he quietly told Lois part of the truth "In my world Lana is in love with me, but I don't reciprocate her feelings; I think she did it...brought me here to show me that we could be happy together."

Her forehead crinkled "I just figured that if you weren't married to Lana, you'd be engaged to her or something."

He shook his head "No, we're not together at all. We broke up years ago before she was engaged to Lex."

"You didn't get back together after they got divorced?"At his head shake, she clarified "You didn't get back together at all, not even a little?"

"No." Smallville said firmly "We broke up, she married Lex and that was that." He anticipated her next question and answered anyway "But the point in time of when she married Clark in this world is when our two worlds diverged."

"But let me guess, you did try and get her back when I was 'out of it' in the hospital, right?" When both men's faces flushed, her lips quirked and she nodded unsurprised "Figures." She looked at the four people then stood up and snagged her purse "Ok, you all know that I smoke, and I'm not even going to try and hide it because I think I'm going to need a cigarette just to get through this, so let's take it outside." She gestured and nodding in agreement, they all trooped onto the porch with her.

Martha and Chloe took a seat on the swing, the men leant against the porch rail and Lois took a few steps away, retrieved a cigarette from her purse, lit it, dragged deep, blew out a stream calmly then grinned "You and Lana are nuts you know that right? First you're ga ga about her and now she is about you, this is like the never ending story." She chuckled lightly but put forward the next suggestion soberly "But seriously Smallville maybe you should give it another shot. Clark and Lana have been happily married for 8 years, it could work out for you and your Lana."

He shook his head "She's not my Lana. I don't want it to work out Lois because I don't want her."

"Are you with anyone else, or are you single?"

"Single." He replied, hoping that she didn't notice his hesitation before answering; then didn't know whether to feel relieved or sad when she didn't.

"Have you thought that maybe deep down you don't want anyone except Lana, but unconsciously you're still hurt that she married Lex instead of you?" When he shook his head she pressed on "Look Clark, we all make mistakes, you shouldn't be ashamed if you still have feelings for Lana, and if you do then why not try again. Lana married Lex a hell of a long time ago but you're both older now, and I think you'd be less inclined to throw everything away so blithely."

"Lois I don't love Lana, I'm not carrying a torch for her, not at all..." He trailed off wondering how he could make her understand, without revealing the truth.

She nodded but tried to explain her thoughts once more "Look, I never got your relationship with Lana. When she and Clark got married I didn't think they'd last, but I was wrong and I'm glad that I was." She shrugged once more "Clark always believed they were meant to be together, and if your lives were the same up to the point of their marriage, then you must have thought so too. The hurt you feel when you're a kid cuts pretty deep, but I wouldn't like to think you're punishing both yourself and Lana to a lifetime of misery for something that's now long past."

He waited until she had finished and then replied firmly "I'm glad that Lana turned me down Lois because I don't love her. I'm not Clark ok?" At her lifted brow he amended "We've decided that I'm going to be called Smallville and he..." pointing to his twin "...is going to be called Clark."

She nodded and turned to the elder Kent with wrinkled brow "Ah, Martha you're calling your son Smallville?" She asked doubtfully.

"No dear, I tried and couldn't, so I refer to them both the same way." Martha replied with a smile.

"Mom was going to call one of us sweetie and the other honey..." Clark started to explain but stopped when Lois began to cough, choking on smoke.

"Shit...sorry." She turned to Martha again with eyes full of mirth "Sweetie and honey I like that. Which one's which?"

The men snickered "It doesn't matter because we're interchangeable." All five began to laugh and when the laughter died down they got back to the business of discussing the situation.

Lois stubbed out her cigarette and was the first to speak "Ok so if you think that Lana did it; and I'm guessing you don't mean Clark's wife, then how are you going to get home?"

"We don't know; we need to figure out how she did it, to be able to reverse it." Chloe put in "Look let's go back inside, it's getting a little cold out here and we didn't finish our coffee."

They trooped back inside but as the coffee was cold, fresh was made and once again they began to discuss the situation.

"Ok, so do you only _think_ the Lana from your world did this, or do you actually _know_ that she did it?" Lois asked pointedly.

"I can't prove it but I believe that she did."

"Why, having the hots for you is one thing but sending you to another universe is a bit out there." She paused and shrugged offhand "Anyway if that is what she's done then you won't have to do anything, because she'll want you back in her world so that you can tell that her that you want her back, in which case you'll probably go back sometime soon."

"But what if she doesn't send him back?" Chloe asked with creased brow.

"If she's not going to zap him back to her own world, then she's wasted both their time sending him here to check out another Clark and Lana who are living in blissful happiness, because she won't have him since he'll be stuck here." Lois explained and rubbed her brow "I hope like hell that made sense."

"It does, but I don't want to wait on her timetable. What if she leaves me here for years?" Smallville suddenly realised that by not telling Lois everything, she was naturally seeing the situation from a different perspective. One side of his mind mentally banged his head on the table in frustration; while the other stayed focused on Lois.

"And why would she do that? As I said before, if you're stuck in one universe and she's in another, then it wouldn't be a case of her trying to show you what you're missing, it would mean she's trying to punish you." Her head cocked, her eyebrow lifted "By any chance have you recently brushed her off, told her to get lost, basically hurt her feelings or made her angry with you?"

"Why?"

"Oh gees you have." Lois shook her head in pity "Clark..."

"Smallville." He cut in firmly.

"Whatever." She replied impatiently "What'd you do?"

"I told her goodbye."

"And?" Lois asked patiently.

"And I told her that I didn't love her and..." He broke off; looked at the others for inspiration but came up empty, so decided to just smile at Lois winningly. However, he knew it fell far short of the mark when she just rolled her eyes in return.

"And what?"

"And she was upset." He wondered if instead of banging his head on the table, if Lois would notice if he picked said table up, and just smacked himself around the head with it instead.

Her lips lifted, her head shook back and forth patiently "You know I haven't been around the Clark/Lana soap opera stuff for years, and I can say that I haven't missed it, but what the hell I've got nothing better to do for a few days, and it'll make me appreciate Ollie all the more so count me in." She snickered softly.

"Lois..." Smallville began warningly.

She cut across him and glancing at everyone, brought them back into the conversation "Have any of you talked to Lana yet; Clark's wife I mean?" When their heads shook back and forth, she let out a long suffering sigh "Don't you think you should."

"Why?"

"Because she'll be the best one to understand her other self, and consequently know what Smallville has to do or say to be allowed to go home."

"And if she doesn't."

"You won't know unless you ask."

They all looked at each other wondering how they could explain that they couldn't talk to Lana about it, without alerting Lois to the truth.

"But if we ask her, she'll probably think that we think, that she has it in her to be vengeful, if she's supposed to know what her other self could be thinking." Clark said hoping his muddled thoughts came out clearly, and at Lois' nod realised she understood.

"She does..." Lois replied casually with a shrug, and at the surprise on everyone's faces, grinned "Give me a break. Firstly she's a woman, women hate to be pissed off and second, no offence Clark...either Clark but Lana really got off on torturing you, and hey you used to enjoy it so she might think..." She broke off to chuckle but when they all frowned at her in bemusement, her chuckle turned to outright laughter. When she finally calmed down, she wiped her eyes but couldn't stop the grin that stretched across her lips "Sorry."

"What was so funny?" Chloe asked with a confused smile.

"Sorry, I just thought that Lana used to enjoy torturing Clark and he really loved it, so she might think of this as nothing more than really kinky foreplay." And once again she began to laugh.

Chloe and Martha began to cough, the men wiggled uncomfortably in their seats; and after one look at their faces all three women began to scream with laughter. The men looked at each other, sighed hugely, shook their heads and wished the women would calm down already. It was a good ten minutes before their bursts of mirth stopped.

When the three women looked at the not so patient expressions on the men's faces, their lips continued to twitch, a squeak of laughter still popped out but they finally stopped.

"Right, now getting back on track..." Smallville began patiently "We need to figure out what she did and reverse it."

"What does Lana know about magic?" Lois questioned lightly.

"In my world she owns a magic shop."

"Yeah, but owning a shop and actually knowing how to do that stuff, isn't the same thing."

"I know but I still think she did it." He looked into her eyes to portray sincerity, and hoped like hell that she not only believed him, but did as he next asked "Lois please don't say anything to Lana ok, it will just make her uncomfortable and that wouldn't be fair."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes "I still think you should ask her. All these secrets and lies you lot go on with is ridiculous. You're not kids anymore and..."

"Lo, we're not doing it to make things harder, we just don't want to hurt Clark's wife unnecessarily." Chloe cut in quietly.

She looked at them all in turn, then her eyes became slits, her smile became sharp and all turned wary. When she began talking her voice was casual, but they stayed on high alert knowing they were in for something, but unsure what "You know, maybe there's something to this magic nonsense and Lana being a witch after all."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that Lo." Smallville replied slowly and cautiously.

"I know but I do have good reason, remember when Chloe, Lana and I got possessed by those witches' years ago?" Both Clarks and Chloe nodded "Well I figure Lana's witch must have used some mojo on you, and turned you into thoughtless…."

Finally catching on to what her cousin was up to, Chloe smiled and chimed in "Don't forget discourteous Lo…."

She turned and nodded to her cousin "Thanks Chloe" Then turned back to the men "Turned you into thoughtless and discourteous creeps."

"What…why?" The two men asked surprised, frowning they turned to each other then back to the girls, while Martha sat silent wondering what she'd missed.

"Well if it wasn't a spell then I guess you must have broken your hands helping Lana to her feet. I seem to remember that after you helped her up, you left Chloe and me lying in the dirt like stray dogs." She enjoyed watching their faces flush bright red before turning back to her cousin and tilting her head enquiringly "What did we decide was the problem Chlo, I can't quite remember, can you?"

Chloe shook her head and answered casually "No, we thought it was a spell, or maybe Clark was just blind and deaf and didn't see or hear us, or his hands could have been broken, or he was just a creep. I was crushing on him so didn't want to think the last was the right answer, you weren't and thought that it was." She grinned as the men squirmed again and their faces became even redder "But now that we've brought it up, maybe we should ask them." She finished conversationally and held out her hand at the two men.

"That's a good idea." Lois nodded and turned back to the men "So what was it guys, we're really dying to know?" She asked politely.

The two Clark's shifted uncomfortably as all three women looked at them with lifted brows.

"I ah…I…"

"Yes." Martha encouraged, enjoying both her sons discomfiture; _serves them right for behaving in a way that was contrary to their upbringing._

"I…." Smallville began only to get cut off by Clark.

"We…"

"Right sorry, we weren't under a spell…"

"…and our hands weren't broken either." Clark cut in once again, and continued "We were just jerks."

Lois inclined her head in agreement "Yes you were and…."

"And?" Both men asked in confusion.

"And what else?" Chloe prompted cheerfully.

The men turned to each other, the penny dropped, both nodded, they turned back to the women and said in unison "We weren't gentleman."

"That's right you weren't." Martha concluded softly then shook her head in reproof "Boys, I didn't drag you up, I brought you up. You knew better than to behave like that."

The men flushed once again and nodded "I'm sorry Lois, Chloe I shouldn't left you lying there." Smallville said in a small voice.

"I'm sorry too." Clark echoed fast on the heels of his twin "I was an inconsiderate oaf."

"No you shouldn't have and yes you were." Lois replied promptly "Just because you had a thing for Lana, didn't mean that we didn't exist. I read something once and I've never forgotten it. If you wanna to know if someone's really nice and not just trying to pull the wool over your eyes; take note of how they treat the waiter, the doorman and other people, then you'll have a true indication of what they're really like, regardless of how they behave with you." She nailed them with her eyes and in an even voice pointed out "If you had been crushing on me and treated someone like that, I would have written you off as an ill-mannered creep. So the next time you wanna impress someone, remember that not everyone will overlook how you treat others….ok?"

Knowing that she was swiping at them for their behaviour, and Lana, for her perpetual habit of ignoring their rudeness to others in favour of herself; the men nodded and smiled in remorse once again "We're sorry." They replied together.

"I've been dying to burn you with that for years and was just waiting for the right moment." Lois replied in a voice full of satisfaction.

Chloe nodded firmly "Me too."

"Now getting back on track, you mentioned that you think Lana brought you here, so you can see another version of her and Clark happily married?" She asked lifting her brow in query.

Knowing Lois as well as he did, Smallville understood that she'd made her point and the matter was now behind them, so got down to the business of discussing the issue once again "Yeah it's the only thing that makes sense; a few days ago I found out Lana owned a magic shop, she told me that she loved me, I told her that I wasn't interested and now I'm here."

"Hmmm." She also took a sip of her coffee and nodded.

"What?"

"Nothing." She shrugged in unconcern and sipped again.

"What Lo?" He pressed again.

She smiled crookedly "It's just strange, before we met I'd heard that you were all about Lana, then we met and I realised Chloe had understated how much; our Clark's been married to her for a gazillion years so it's just...odd to meet another Clark who isn't, and doesn't want to be." She scratched behind her ear the quickly waved her hand "Don't get me wrong, I mean it makes sense because you're not our Clark you just look like him, it just takes some getting used to that's all."

Chloe thought this was the perfect opening and decided to jump in "We were all surprised too Lo, I mean Clark dreamt of being with Lana for years and he's married to her, and yet here we have another Clark who's not." She paused then continued cautiously "We were talking about it earlier, I can't decide if the universe has gone weird or not, Martha thinks it's not unusual, and the two Clark's don't much care; what'd you think."

Lois studied the men for a moment then smiled dryly "Well as I said before Chlo it takes some getting used to, but he dreamt of her when he was a teenage boy, so I think it's safe to say that we all know what kind of dreams he had."

The men flushed red, Chloe and Martha bit their lips but the younger woman wasn't about to be daunted so easily "Yeah but still..." She turned to Smallville and addressed him directly "You're not unhappy with your life, are you?"

He gave her a hard look then shook his head "No I'm not, that was a dream I had when I was a kid. Then again if I'd married Lana, I might just be as happy as Clark is, what'd you think?" He turned to his twin and passed the conversational ball, glad to have his part over.

"It's hard to say, I can't imagine anyone being as happy as I am, but you're life sounds pretty good so I'm not sure. You don't have Lana but..." He paused and turned to his mom, silently pleading with her to get him out of the fix he was in but it was Lois who answered.

"I don't think it's that's simple. We all have dreams, some good, some not so good; you both believed that you and Lana were meant to be together, and I bet anything you actually had dreams about the two of you right?" She lifted her eyebrow, both men shrugged listlessly in assent "Ok, well for Clark it worked out, you married Lana and it was the right thing for you."

"And Smallville?" Chloe asked with interest.

"He tried to make his dream come true but it didn't work out because Lana married Lex instead of him. However, he went on to make a life for himself that he's happy with anyway." Lois shrugged unconcerned.

"You mentioned actual dreams Lo, but aren't dreams supposed to be things you want in real life, so..."

"Not necessarily Chloe, some dreams are just that; dreams." Lois cut in firmly "Not all dreams have some great cosmic significance." She finished and picked up her cup with a hand that wasn't quite steady.

"Well I've never had a dream or even recurring dreams about the man I'm supposed to marry or anything similar; both the Clark's had dreams about Lana, what about you Martha?" She hoped that the older woman's input would help Lois to feel more at ease, as opposed to having three peers throwing questions at her.

However, it wasn't Martha who spoke but Smallville, who wasn't about to scare Lois off; not even just to get her to open up by letting her believe the fallacy that was currently being portrayed "Hang on Chloe, I think you've all got the wrong impression. I didn't have actual dreams off marrying Lana; I day dreamed and hoped but that's normal when you like someone. However, I never dreamt of us in the future." He corrected firmly.

Clark nodded in agreement, his voice as inflexible as his twins "He's right, I didn't actually dream of Lana and my future, I only dreamt of her once or twice and we were still kids, not adults."

Chloe bit her lip in a show of contrition, but it was actually to stop a laugh from squeaking out. She knew the reason they had interrupted and spoken so doggedly, was simply to ensure that Lois was aware they **didn't** believe that Lana was the love of their life. What made her want to laugh was that 8 years ago, they would have spoken just as emphatically to ensure that Lois **did** believe it. She watched her cousin out of the corner of her eye; saw the light frown on her face, observed Lois' head move back and forth between the two men, before she gave a light shrug of apathy at the bland looks she received in return. However, when she caught Martha's eyes, Chloe saw the same light of humour she felt, and knew that the older woman was well aware of just what her son's were up to.

She inclined her head in a show of penitence, let them see the hidden laughter in her eyes, noticed their eyes were shadowed but gleeful their point had been made, then determined it was time to get the train of conversation back on track.

"Ok, well I never did that either, I fancied you like mad but I didn't spend my time daydreaming about you, too much other stuff going on." Chloe replied cheerfully then turned once again to the elder Kent with lifted brows "So Martha..."

"No dear, I didn't need a dream to tell me that Jonathan was the man that I'd love and marry, I just knew." Martha smiled serenely, but felt like laughing at both Chloe's persistence, and her boy's determination to ensure that Lois received their message loud and clear.

Chloe nodded and turned once again to her cousin "What about you Lo."

"What about me, what?" Lois asked patiently.

"Have you ever had a dream about the man you were going to marry?" She returned just as patiently.

"No I never dreamt of Oliver." Lois replied calmly but they all heard the soft sigh of relief she exhaled afterwards.

"Anyone else, I mean did you ever dream of anyone except for Oliver?" Chloe pressed imperceptibly.

"No." Lois replied composed, but the men noticed that her body temperature had risen, her pulse was fluttering, and simultaneously turned and flared their eyes at the women.

Lois had just taken a mouthful of coffee when her cousin asked the next question "Have you ever had any kind of recurring dream?" When she began to cough, Martha leant over and patted her on the back, while all four shared swift looks and minute head nods.

Lifting her hand to ward off another blow, Lois shook her head "Sorry, that went down the wrong way, someone must be thinking about me?" She placed her cup on the table, rubbed shaking fingers over her brow then stretched "I made good time getting here but I'm still a little tired from last night so..."

"Lo." When she looked up at the interruption, Chloe noticed the harassed expression on her cousin's face and felt bad, but not bad enough that she was going to stop before getting an answer "You didn't say if you've ever had a recurring dream or not."

Lois blew out a breath, shook her head and answered "Nightmare, yes; dream no." She replied with finality, wishing that her cousin would leave her alone.

"What's it about?"

"It doesn't matter, but getting back to what I was saying before; just because Smallville tried to follow his dream and it didn't work out that it doesn't meant his life's wrong now, he just took a different path." Lois replied calmly, hoping like hell they'd now turn to the Clark's and grill them, but soon found that wasn't on the agenda.

"You didn't follow your dream either, did you Lois?" Smallville asked quietly.

"No." She pasted a somewhat mocking smile on her face "Anyway you said that you didn't actually dream about your life with Lana so..." She trailed of suggestively in a tone of pretend boredom.

"No I didn't, but I daydreamed about her, and I wanted to marry her so..." He likewise deliberately left the sentence unfinished hoping that by not pushing, Lois would open up. He could hear the peevish tone in her voice, see the guarded look in her eyes and knew that they had to tread warily or lose her altogether.

"That's because you believed you and Lana were destined to be together." She swiftly retorted "So how's that working out for you?"

"It's not because I was wrong, but when you're a kid you believe stuff like that, especially about the first person you like romantically." He replied softly.

"So you don't believe in that stuff now that you're no longer a kid huh, well it's about time." She teased, trying to change the subject.

He quickly shook his head, realising that he'd given her the wrong impression "Sorry I didn't mean that just because I'm older that I no longer believe in destiny. I just meant that because Lana was the first girl that I really liked when I was younger, I believed she was the one for me. Didn't you think that about your first boyfriend?"

She sighed, shook her head, stopped and nodded reluctantly "Me, not really no, but a couple of my friends in school did. Not to your extent, but yeah, they were convinced their guy was the one, and they'd never love anyone ever again." She paused, picked up her cup, sipped then put the cup back down "I liked my boyfriends and thought one or two might be the right ones but not for long, and I never considered any of them my destiny, but I understand what you mean." She turned to Clark with a crooked smile "Whether you still believe Lana was yours or not, I'm glad that your marriage has worked out."

Clark smiled tightly in return and was heartily grateful for Chloe's determination to ensure the subject wasn't changed, as well as her timely intervention saving him from having to speak "So does that mean that you've had actual dreams of the man who's your destiny Lo?"

Her face paled slightly but she shook her head stubbornly "I'm engaged to Oliver and he's the man that I'm going to marry."

"But you have dreamt..." She began to press and was cut off when Lois swore quietly under her breath.

"Oh for... _look_ you know that I don't believe in destiny and all that crap Chloe, I think it's a lot of rubbish. I'm not going to let some nightmare tell me who I should be with." She paused to take a deep breath then finished in a stiff voice "I intend to decide how my life is going to be, ok?"

Her cousin nodded but pushed on regardless "You think your dream..."

"Nightmare." Lois cut in firmly.

"Sorry, you think your nightmare is trying to tell you what your destiny is?"

"I'm not so gullible so no, I don't; but someone who does believe in that stuff probably would." She finished in exasperation.

"Tell us Lo."

She shook her head "No, you'll just laugh and then I'll feel like an idiot."

"We won't laugh."

"Yes you will; hell I'd laugh if I was you." She'd wanted to talk to someone for a long time but felt stupid, and didn't think she could take the humiliation of her friends laughing at her expense about something that had plagued her for years.

"We won't laugh at you Lois." Smallville finished quietly; his affirmation swiftly followed when everyone echoed his sentiments in their own words.

"You believe in destiny, well how about sharing some of your dreams." She returned looking between the two men, trying desperately to shift the conversation.

Smallville spoke on behalf of himself and Clark to save his twin from having to answer "I haven't got any to share, but ..."

"Right well, enough said then." She cut in firmly.

"But..."

She lifted her hand and cut off her cousin "Forget it, if you don't laugh, you'll probably just read a lot more into it than you should."

"We might, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with us." Clark said cautiously "You've never been a 'yes' person who just goes along with the crowd Lo, and I don't imagine this time will be any different." They all nodded in agreement but decided not to push any further.

Lois looked at them each in turn, judging their sincerity then ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "It's really stupid and...ok." She turned to address Martha, hoping that by focusing on the older woman it would be easier than looking at her peers. "I doubt if you'd remember this but years ago, years and years ago..." She stopped and gave a nervous little laugh; "It's silly, don't worry about it, you won't remember."

"I might dear." Martha replied in a quiet encouraging voice.

The men could hear her heart thumping hard, and felt sorry for putting her through this, but they had to know if the dreams she'd been having was in some way linked to them or their relationship, so both stayed silent.

She encompassed them all in a hard look, bit her lip, looked at her watch then looked up again to find everyone's eyes still on her. "You all first promise not to laugh or think I'm crazy because I swear if you do, I'll get up and leave." Her voice was dead serious with no hint of humour.

"I promise Lois, I won't laugh or think you're crazy." Chloe replied softly, reaching over to clasp her cousin's hand and squeezing it before letting go.

This time everyone gave variations of Chloe's sentiments, and blowing out a deep breath Lois finally surrendered.

"Years ago on the night of Clark's high school graduation, I woke up and found both you and Mr Kent talking in the kitchen remember?" She looked at the men and Martha waiting for their nod's then continued "... anyway when I joined you all, I found that you were talking about nightmares and I um, well I mentioned..." she cleared her throat "...I mentioned that I'd had a nightmare about a man in a red cape."

"I remember Lois." Smallville replied in a low pitched voice; he also remembered how offhand he'd been.

"So do I." Martha and Clark replied simultaneously.

Lois nodded minutely once again "Ok, well that nightmare I mentioned wasn't a nightmare so much as, I don't know ..." She fished around looking for a word that fit and ended with "... a really out there dream. You know those dreams where you're falling, but just before you hit the ground your body jumps and you wake up?" They all nodded "Well that's what happened; I was falling and all of a sudden this guy in a red cape swooped in and saved me. And when I say that he saved me, I mean he literally flew in out of nowhere and caught me before I hit the ground, and that's when I woke up. As you know those falling dreams are pretty bloody awful, but at the time I wasn't sure if I was more freaked out by the falling or the guy who was flying."

She quickly turned to the men and held up a hand to stay any comments "Believe me I'm aware that it doesn't sound any less ridiculous now than you thought it was when I mentioned it years ago, but for some reason it felt important to me at the time and I couldn't stop thinking about it." Sweeping her eyes over the table she brought everyone into the conversation once again "Anyway, the next day the meteor shower happened, and I realised that I was letting one bizarre dream drive me crazy, when there were a lot more important things to worry about, so I decided to forget about it and I did."

The two men shared a quick glance, and both saw the self directed condemnation in each other's eyes for being so sarcastically dismissive of her dream years before.

"I'm sorry Lois; I shouldn't have been so cavalier when you mentioned it years ago." Smallville interjected sincerely. He'd no sooner finished then Clark echoed his own apology.

She searched their faces for any sign of well hidden mockery, but finding none her lips crooked up in a smile "Don't worry about it. I really can understand why you didn't think it was important, who would?" She finished with a careless shrug.

"You did." Chloe pointed out.

"Yeah but I'm the one who had the dream. I tried to reason it out in between times of stewing over it. Tried to remember if I'd eaten cheese before I went to sleep which caused me to have a nightmare but couldn't."

"It sounds like you were kind of reaching Lo." Chloe interrupted doubtfully.

"I know, but what would you think if you dreamt about a man who could fly, and you couldn't even explain why it felt important, it just did?" She asked in return.

Her cousin smiled in agreement "Probably the same as you."

"There you go." She replied, inclining her head.

"So what happened after that?" Clark asked sedately keeping his voice as bland as possible in an effort not to frighten her into silence, but hoping to urge her to continue.

"Nothing happened, I forgot about the dream and that was it..." She flushed slightly and cleared her throat "...but a little over three years ago, I dreamt of him again."

"The man in the red cape?" Martha clarified softly.

"Yeah, I went to sleep one night and there he was saving me again." She frowned lightly and shook her head slightly in confusion "I'm not a damsel in distress and never have been, so dreaming about a man saving me when I'm more than capable of looking after myself didn't make any sense." She picked up her coffee and sipped "Anyway I decided to forget about it, assuming that it was a one off like years before."

"But it wasn't." Smallville asked quietly.

"No it wasn't, after about the third dream I tried to look at it logically to figure out what the hell was going on. In the end I thought that as I'd been putting in a lot of hours at work, and had gotten myself into a couple of tight spots, maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me to slow down and to be a bit more careful if I wanted to live to see my next birthday." She looked at them all and held out her hand in appeal "It makes sense right?"

The women nodded, the men half nodded, half shrugged in agreement, but Lois shook her head in response "Well I was obviously wrong about that too." She sipped her coffee once again before putting the cup back down.

"The dreams didn't stop." Smallville asked sympathetically, masking his inner elation.

"No they didn't." She sighed and raked a hand through her hair "I swear I've never been one of those women who sat around hoping that a big strong man would come and save me from whatever; yet there he was." She threw out her hands in puzzlement "Anyway, after I had a couple more dreams I thought umm…" She broke off, coughed lightly and felt her cheeks turn pink "…I thought maybe my subconscious wasn't trying to telling me to slow down, maybe it was trying to remind me that it had been a few months and I needed to get some."

"Some; you mean…?" Clark trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.

She nodded "Yeah; look the me in the dreams was pretty hot for this guy, so it seemed logical that if I'm dreaming about a man that's not even real, then maybe all I needed was to get laid." Her cheeks flushed darker and turning quickly she addressed the older woman "Sorry Martha I didn't mean to be so blunt."

"That's ok dear, just think of me as one of you." She smiled and reached over to pat her hand.

She smiled in return and wiggled her eyebrows "Well Mr Kent was a hottie and physically agile, so I'm sure you've been there."

"Lois!" The two Clark's protested loudly.

"What?" She turned and found both men with looks off distaste on their faces, lifting one brow she pointed out tolerantly "Your parents did have sex you know."

"Well we don't need to hear about it." Smallville griped back while his twin firmly nodded in accord.

The three women looked at the men, looked at each other and rolled their eyes slightly.

"Keep going Lo." Chloe urged impatiently "You thought maybe you needed…." She trailed off leaving the left unsaid.

"Yeah, I'd been working a lot and had let my social life slide, so I figured that had to be the answer." She scratched her cheek absently and her lips lifted slightly "What I couldn't figure out was why I wasn't dreaming about someone that I knew. I was 25 by then so I'd had a number of relationships both long and short term, and if I was going to be dreaming about a man, it's not like I was starving for material to choose from." She saw the Clark's exchange eye contact and sighed "Guys if you're uncomfortable with this I can stop." When their mouths opened, she held up a hand and smiled amiably "It's ok; actually it's probably a good idea if I do stop."

"We're fine Lois; we're just not used to hearing such frank girl talk I guess." Clark replied softly and turning to his twin, saw the touch of hurt and jealousy in his eyes that he felt himself.

"Frank?" Lois queried, turned and lifted her brows at her cousin then turned back to the men and smiled "Um yeah, sorry I'll try to be more discreet."

Chloe and Martha reached over and patted the men's hands, giving them sympathetic smiles of encouragement.

"Keep going Lo." Smalliville encouraged with a quiet smile. His feeling of elation was long gone, but he was determined to reign in his feelings and hear the whole regardless.

"Are you sure?"

They all once again signifying approval, and bobbing her head in acceptance she continued "Ok, well I figured that I just needed to recharge my social life."

"I'm guessing you tried both; slowing down at work and the other." Chloe asked politely.

"I can't honestly say that I took it much easier at work, but I did have good intentions so that should count for something; and as for the other, yeah I gave it a damned good try." Lois replied dryly.

"But the dreams …" Martha prodded carefully.

"Kept right on coming, yeah." She confirmed nodding slowly.

"And going by what you said earlier, you're still getting the dreams now, correct?" Smallville hinted, hoping to get the conversation away from her sex life, and onto her talking about the dreams; specifically him.

She waved her hand signifying yes while sipping coffee, reached over and picked up a sugar cookie but instead of eating just held it "Yeah, if it was just one or two dreams I could write it off as just one of those things, but this has now been going on for a little over three years and well...they're also really familiar." She finished in puzzlement before biting into the cookie.

The men sat up, their interest now peaked.

Chloe played the game for Lois' benefit and frowned slightly "What'd you mean by familiar Lo?"

"I mean it feels like I'm both an observer and a participant in the dreams. Sometimes I know what's going to happen before it does, almost as if I'd lived it already." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and looked down into her cup feeling absurdly foolish "Please don't tease me about ESP or anything like that."

They all glanced at each other over her head, using their eyes to signify who should speak first.

"We're not going to tease you Lo." She looked up and not seeing any patronisation on anyone's face, let go of the breath that she'd been holding, then turned to Clark when he continued talking "You said that the dreams felt familiar, are you saying that he does too?"

She nodded then just as quickly shook her head "Yes and no." At their obvious confusion she tried to explain what she found so hard to understand herself "Almost from the first it was like there was a connection between us and I knew him intimately; and I don't mean in the biblical sense, although I do mean that too and oh god..." She broke off, and closed her eyes in mortification "...forget I said that." She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and finished sedately "What I'm trying to say is that even though it feels like I know him, at the same time it feels like there's a huge part of him that I'm just not seeing."

"What'd you mean?" Smallville asked cocking his head, deliberately overlooking what she wanted forgotten, but felt his heart warm at her words nonetheless. However, he couldn't stop from grumbling in his head, that just when it had gotten interesting, she now decided it was the time to become bashful about her sex life.

She sighed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear "It's hard to explain, I don't mean he's like that guy from 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' whose wickedness and sins are being hidden in the attic, because he's not. He's really nice, he's the kind of guy you take home to meet the parents, but there's just something that feels...incomplete about him." She tapped her fingers on the table "I feel like I should know who he is but…oh hell!" She broke off and growled in frustration "I can't explain it."

"What are the dreams about Lo, you said that he saved you but is that the whole dream, just a flying man saving you every time?" Clark nudged carefully.

Lois brow wrinkled "No, the first couple were and afterwards I woke up, but now it's like watching a badly edited movie that has chunks of dialogue and bits cut out, so I'm not getting the whole story, and that's what I mean about him." She frowned and raked both hands through her hair "For example, there are times that we're talking and then suddenly the scene shifts to something else altogether, and we're still talking but it's not the same conversation; which just makes it really confusing." She cleared her throat once again, looked down at the table and spoke quietly "And then there are other times when he looks at me like well...like he's waiting for me to do something."

"What do you think he's waiting for Lo?" Chloe asked softly.

She shook her head wearily before looking up. "I don't know. Most of the time the dreams are familiar, but every now and again they take a sharp turn, and he becomes almost incarnate and says..." She broke off before continuing, but the frustration she felt came through clearly "...he says that he's real, that I promised to never leave him and if he was lost that I'd find him and bring him home; but none of it makes any sense because he's just a dream."

"Do you tell him that Lois?" Smallville questioned in a reserved voice.

"Yes, when that happens it's like..." Her brow wrinkled in rumination "...it's like I'm no longer dream Lois; which I know sounds silly but it's the only way I can describe it, anyway I'm no longer her I'm me, so yes I tell him that." She frowned lightly "As you know last night I was drunk as a skunk, passed out under the coffee table. Well I woke up at one point by banging my head on the underside of the table when I dreamt that he was calling out to me, asking me not to forget him." She absently rubbed her head and seeing the melancholy expressions cast at her, smiled crookedly "Hey don't look so downcast everyone, they're just dreams."

"I thought you said they were nightmares." Clark reminded her gently.

"Anything's a nightmare when it goes on for so long and you want it to stop, but please don't get me wrong. He's not like Freddie Krueger; he's actually more like..." Her lips lifted in a soft smile "...he's like Alan Rickman in 'Sense & Sensibility'; you know the strong and shy, tender, but sexy suitor."

"Oh my god I love him in that." Chloe swooned, putting a hand on her heart for emphasis.

Martha nodded and smiled "I have to agree. He's so sad and brave, noble and kind."

"And he loves Marianne so much, but doesn't try to stand in the way of her romance with Willoughby even though it breaks his heart." Chloe gushed romantically.

Martha smiled mistily "Yes, he loved Marianne deeply but without any selfishness, he pursued her without any hope of his love ever being returned."

Lois shook her head sadly "I know, but she's just too blind to see that right in front of her is this wonderful man who loves her, and he's just waiting and hoping that she'll notice him one day." She held out a hand in appeal and shook her head once again; this time in bewilderment "How could she not love him straight away? I would have fallen for him right of the bat."

The men looked at each other and each raised a brow in sarcasm upon hearing Lois' words.

"Me too." Chloe and Martha replied together.

Lois sighed and shook her head once again "It's understandable though, Marianne first had to see past the wrong man, to realise the right one had been in front of her the whole time. We've all had to do that at some point, believe me I had to kiss my share of frogs before Ollie and I found each other again." She finished with a soft smile.

The men once again looked at each other but this time they rolled their eyes, each knowing the thoughts of the other; Lois still hadn't seen past the wrong man and even worse, was now engaged to him.

"Oh and near the end when he's reading poetry to Marianne, and she realises that if he goes away she's going to miss him, it's just so..." Chloe trailed off looking for a word that fit.

"Nauseating." Smallville put in dryly.

"Sloppy." Clark echoed fast on his twins heels.

The women shot the men a look, turned back to each other and sighed hugely. There was quiet for a moment then Lois' lips twitched and she began to giggle; Chloe and Martha looked at each other then back to her again in question.

"See this is why we women are disappointed; we watch that romantic schmaltz, then expect men to behave like that in real life; but real men are more inclined to think it's romantic when they say 'babe get me another beer, and how about a quickie while the commercial breaks on?'" Lois sputtered in laughter, Chloe and Martha looked at each other, their lips curved then they too began to laugh and nod.

The two Clark's looked at each other once again, shook their heads patiently, glanced at the laughing women then turned back to each other with suspicion bright in their eyes, wondering just who had been insulted; the male or the female gender.

Smiling hugely Lois continued "Dream man and I are more like Elizabeth and Mr Darcy; we argue and bicker, but ultimately like each other. I suppose it's not surprising considering the whole thing comes from my head, and hey; it goes to proves that I enjoy my own company." She snickered softly.

"Elizabeth and Mr Darcy ended up together Lo." Chloe cut in smoothly.

"They're also just characters in a book Chlo." She pointed out, smiling in return.

"I know but Colin Firth as Mr Darcy was just so gor..."

"Do you dream every night Lois?" Clark cut Chloe off, determined to not only steer the women away from discussing yet another slushy make believe man, but also to get the conversation back where he wanted it; on him.

Smallville shot his twin an approving look, Chloe blushed and smiled sheepishly at the men.

Lois stopped smiling and replied with a slight shudder "No thank god. If I did more than likely I'd be a permanent guest of Belle Reeve by now."

"Does he have a name dear, or do you still call him the guy in the red cape?" Martha asked delicately.

She coughed and confessed softly "Superman, his name is Superman." She held up her hand to forestall any comments or jeers "I know it's corny, but I like it; actually I'm the one who named him." She finished with a small smile.

"Why did you call him Superman?" Smallville asked with a curious smile.

She cleared her throat and absently wondered if she was going to give herself a sore throat with all the coughing and the clearing she'd been doing "Well ah...god, this is really embarrassing, but when I was a kid that's how I thought of my dad. Daddy was my hero because he was big and strong, and kept the world safe so I thought of him as a kind of superman." She grinned self consciously "I didn't remember it at the time, I thought I called this guy Superman because of his um... his powers because he has all these powers; so I guess you could say it was both." Lois confessed in a rush, and felt the heat crawl up her neck.

"Powers?" The two Clarks said together, looked at each other then turned back at Lois.

She coughed and nodded, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

"What kind of powers?" Chloe asked showing interest and the others all followed suit.

Looking up and seeing the curiosity beaming at her, she grinned and launched into a soliloquy of his gifts "He can lift up anything, and I mean anything, he's like mondo strong. He's got x-ray vision that can see through anything except for lead, heat vision and super vision, so he can make things hot and see long distances, he's got exceptionally good hearing, he's got super-breath so he can blow a house over with just a puff, and can also freeze things if he wants to, he can move really fast, really really fast, he can fly..." she stopped and laughed at herself "And there's some other stuff. As you can see, when I dream about a man, I make sure that he's remarkable."

"So what does he do with his powers?" Smallville asked smoothly.

"He saves people, and helps keep the world safe." She held up her hand again when Clark's lips opened "I know what you're going to say. It's some kind of Freudian thing about my dad; you don't have to tell me."

"I wasn't going to say that Lois. Regardless of the name, I don't think it's got anything to do with your dad at all." He replied and was gratified when everyone nodded in agreement.

She looked at all of them in turn, and let out a soft sigh relaxing her shoulders "Thanks, I feel stupid enough without everyone thinking I need professional help."

"Oh honey you don't need professional help." Martha put in firmly, reaching over to pat Lois on the hand.

"Thanks Martha." She smiled slightly then her forehead suddenly wrinkled "The day of the meteor shower there were those two people in the hospital..." she paused and began to speak to herself "...that woman who hurt your dad, she was as strong as he is. How did I forget about that?" She frowned harder.

The four looked at each other with alarmed expressions and deciding it was time to derail her train of thought, Smallville spoke up.

"Lo?"

"Hmmm." She lifted her brows and looked at Smallville inquisitively.

"Have you told Oliver?"

"God no, it's too embarrassing." She shuddered lightly "Speaking of which, can we please keep this between us, I don't want anyone else to know." They all nodded and promised to keep it a secret "Thank you."

"Do you love him Lois, Superman I mean?" Smallville asked softly.

"No."

Clark took up the thread and this time phrased the question differently "You said before that your dreams self was attracted to this man. Does she love him; are you together in the dreams?"

"She's just a dream." She replied disinterested, hoping that her inner turmoil wasn't visible.

"So she does." He confirmed gently.

"She does, but she's just a dream, I'm real and I don't." Lois replied firmly.

"Do you hate the dreams?" Martha enquired tactfully.

She shrugged half-heartedly "Not hate, but I want them to stop so that I can put them behind me once and for all."

"Because you know that you and Superman belong together?" Chloe asked hesitantly.

"No, because he believes we belong together and won't give me any peace, not because I believe." Lois refuted bluntly.

"Why do you consider them nightmares Lo?" Smallville asked softly.

"Because I'd prefer not to have them at all, look I know logically this man's just a figment of my imagination, but if by some weird stroke of fate he does exist, then tough luck. I'm not the kind of woman who'll let a dream tell her what her life should be like. I prefer to have my feet firmly planted in reality, to master my own course, and the reality is that Oliver is the man I intend to spend my life with." With that Lois got up, snagged her purse and made her way to the back door "I'm just going outside for a few minutes."

oOo

The kitchen was quiet as they contemplated all that Lois had unknowingly revealed. Before anyone could speak, Martha raised her hand, leant forward and all three followed suit. Sweeping a look at both her sons she whispered in an undertone "Sweetie, either sweetie, please have a quick check to make sure that Lois isn't around. I don't want her to hear us talking about what's she's just told us."

Clark stood up and walked into the lounge room quickly x-raying the front portion of the house and yard, Smallville turned around in his seat and did likewise with the back "She's in the loft." He informed the ladies and hearing his twin's voice, Clark walked back to the table, but this time took a seat on the opposite side to where he'd been sitting previously, had a quick check then nodded in confirmation "I'll sit here and check periodically, I know that sounds creepy, but I don't mean it that way, I just don't want..."

"It's ok Clark we know what you meant." Chloe cut into his garbled explanation and smiled "It'd be creepy if you were just spying on her for the hell of it, but like your mom said, we don't want her to come back, hear us talking and think that we're laughing at her expense." He bobbed his head in relief; glad that they all understood and agreed.

"Lois dreamt about Superman before he was even a thought in your mind." Chloe said in wonder and looking at the others could see that they felt the same way "She knew about him before you did, that's astounding."

Smallville shook his head sadly "Yeah but what's not so great was my reaction when she first mentioned it. When I lost my powers the day of the meteor shower, I was on top of the world because I could finally be with Lana, and yet just the night before Lois had mentioned that she'd dreamt of a man in a red cape, and I dismissed her because it didn't sound important to me." He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a deep sigh.

"You think that's bad, here's worse. If it had been Lana who'd mentioned that she'd had a nightmare about a man in a red cape, I wouldn't have mocked her by saying 'wow that's sound really horrible' effectively shutting her down. Even if I thought it sounded stupid I would have pressed her for details so that I could prove that I was a caring considerate guy; one that she should be dating." Clark finished despondently but with a touch of sarcasm.

The men noticed that although the women weren't speaking, their faces spoke volumes and both agreed with the assessment.

Smallville smiled tightly unamused "We were jerks."

"Yes we were." His twin agreed readily agreed.

"If it's any consolation, even if you'd shown an interest you wouldn't have made the connection anyway, because you weren't flying back then." Chloe replied with a smile "But it does certainly show that even when you were Lana crazed, it was always Lois that you were meant to be with."

Martha smiled and cinched the matter "Especially since whatever Lana's done to change things didn't cause the first dream. Lois had that in both timelines, long before Superman was around and the two of you were even together; the other dreams were caused by the change, but not the first one."

"Do you think she knows that it's me, sorry us that she's dreaming about?" Clark asked pointing between his twin and himself.

"No." Chloe said simply, when everyone looked at her curiously she explained further "I think if she knew, she'd never come here, never be around you."

The two men looked at each other, tried to smile and ended by nodding disheartened.

"Ok, so putting the first dream aside for now, the past was changed eight years ago, yet she only started dreaming a little over three years ago, there has to be a reason; Clark when di..." Chloe had just swung round to question one man, when the other cut in supplying the answer.

"Three years and three months ago, I made my first appearance as Superman." Smallville smiled complacently. The three turned to look at him with startled expressions that soon turned to smiles of delight.

"When did your dreams start?" Chloe turned and asked Clark the question she'd intended earlier.

"Just over four years ago." He replied and as one they all turned to Smallville again.

He scratched his head and shrugged "Sorry I don't have the answer to that one. I was away for almost four and a half years; I don't know why Clark's dreams didn't start when I left or when I returned but..."

"When I started dreaming it was the training and travelling that I saw, Lois wasn't in the picture. Maybe I was playing catch up on what we did before you came back." Clark replied with an unconcerned smile.

"Ok, so bringing the two together; Lois had the first dream which happened in both timelines and then nothing. However, in this one she started dreaming about Superman around the same time that he made his appearance in the first timeline. Clark meanwhile had already been dreaming for over a year before that, and was basically playing catch up with his life until he returned to Metropolis, and that's when Lois entered his dreams." Chloe summarised neatly.

"It appears that way." Martha concurred.

Turning to Clark once again Chloe lifted a brow in query "You said that your dreams felt real, are they...do they..." She broke off unable to put into words what she wanted to ask.

"Yes, I experience everything in the dreams Chlo, the good, the bad, the happy and the miserable, and yes, they are intense no matter what kind of dream it is. Most of the time I'd feel the emotions, everything that had happened in the dream long after waking up." He replied answering her unasked question.

"Ok, so you were split and got dreams of your life; the Superman stuff, the travelling, your relationship with Lois, everything." Chloe nodded once again then continued her train of thought "Lois however, is only seeing one part of you; the Superman part." The men nodded in sad resignation, Martha did likewise reaching over to pat her son's hands in commiseration.

"And she doesn't recognise that I'm him now, anymore than when I first appeared as Superman." Smallville pointed out sadly.

Chloe's brow wrinkled in thought "No, she doesn't. Lois said the dreams are fragmented, they shift and change and she feels like she's only getting one side of the story." Her frown deepened "I didn't get the feeling that she was trying to cover up that she knew he was you, she seemed more frustrated that she couldn't figure out what was wrong."

"I only figured out it was Lois in my dreams when I saw her again, before that I didn't try all that hard to distinguish who she was. Do you think Lois could be doing the same thing; deliberately not trying not to recognise the man, especially since she wants the dreams to stop?" Cark asked hesitantly.

"It could be that but I can also think of two other possibilities." Chloe replied in an undertone that carried slight anger. She lifted her cup to sip but finding it empty, reached for the pot to pour fresh then proceeded to fill the other three cups shoved in her direction. After taking a sip of the rich hot brew she continued once again "One possibility is that whatever Lana's done to change things, has somehow affected Lois' dreams indirectly. Maybe she doesn't recognise you because just as you were split in reality, you've also become separated or...disassociated in Lois' mind; basically another side effect of the spell." She broke off to sip her coffee and held up a hand at their impatience "The other possibility is that apart from doing a spell to change your pasts, Lana also did some mojo on Lois, maybe to try and ensure that Lo didn't remember your relationship. However like with you she messed up, and that's why Lois' dreams are fragmented, while Clark's aren't."

She paused, tapped her chin and smiled jauntily "But did you notice that Lois never replied when Clark asked her if she and Superman were together in the dreams?" They all nodded and smiled; she inclined her head and continued "She dodged that question, but she did admit that her dream self loved him. I think they are together romantically, and more than likely the dreams are of your relationship, but Lo just doesn't know that it's you; possibly because the dreams aren't structured or methodical. However, whether that's a side effect of the spell that's split you, or if Lana did one on Lo specifically I don't know." Chloe said with finality and felt gratified when everyone nodded.

"When I asked her if she loved Superman she said no." Smallville smiled complacently.

"Mmmm, she said no." Clark took up the thread and smiled in turn "But her pulse jumped."

"Yes it did." Smallville confirmed in satisfaction.

"She was lying." The women asked simultaneously in astonishment.

"She was lying." The men confirmed together.

Chloe and Martha looked at each other and smiled; and it was the younger woman who spoke for both of them "But she sounded so convincing."

"I don't think she even realises it; she's persuaded herself that she doesn't love him, but regardless of what her head wants to believe, her heartbeat tells the truth." Smallville finished inclining his head.

Chloe looked at both men and shook her head regretfully "You can't tell her that you're Superman, if you do she'll leave and all you'll see is a cloud of dust in her wake." Martha smiled in sympathy; causing the men's faces to drop in sad resignation when they realised that she was right.

Smallville sighed heavily and ran the back of his hand over his neck "You're right Chlo; I know Lois and ultimatums just get her back up. If I tell her now, she'll just think that I'm trying to corner her into accepting me as the love of her life, which in turn will probably send her running into Oliver's arms to propose getting married straight away."

"And considering that as far as Lo's concerned, I'm only a friend and one who's loved Lana from the year dot; even I can understand why she'd feel that way." Clark put in and rolled his eyes "Is it just me, or is this really ludicrous?"

"It's not just you." Smallville replied with a small lift of his lips.

"You can understand why she'd be sceptical though." At their light frowns Chloe explained further "Superman doesn't exist in this timeline, he's never made an appearance, so it's not like Lois has got tangible proof that he even exists, and any woman would choose a real person; in Lo's case Oliver, over a man that she believes is a figment of her imagination." She paused to let that sink in then continued gently "Unlike all of us, Lois doesn't know what's happened, so she doesn't understand why she's getting the dreams at all. And what she said at the end was very revealing, she said that 'he gives her no peace'; I think there's a part of her that resents him for that."

Martha considered and looked at her sons "Sweeties, I want to ask you something." She addressed Clark first "Now that you know the dreams you had were real, are you satisfied with them?"

He shook his head in reply "No, before they were enough, they were everything but now that I know the truth, I want my life back."

She inclined her head and turned to Smallville "Would you be happy leaving things the way they are, just living on the memories of your relationship with Lois."

"No mom, like Clark I want my life back; memories aren't enough." He replied firmly.

She nodded and swept them all up in her gaze "Then I think that's what Superman also wants. I agree with Chloe, they are together in the dreams; but I don't think he's satisfied with that. She said that he sometimes becomes almost incarnate and tells her that he's real; and just as the two of you aren't willing to live with dreams and memories, neither is he. He wants her to find him, and tells her as much when she's asleep, and this is what she resents when she's awake." Martha paused contemplatively for a moment "But I don't think it's him that she's fighting, it's herself. She's tried to logically reason out the dreams and failed. She thinks that it's him who won't give her any peace, but it's not; it's her subconscious. _Hers_ that won't let her forget her life, and everything the two of you had together before Lana took it all away."

"Lois told me that if I ever disappeared that she'd track me down and drag me home." His lips crooked up slightly "Then she said that she'd kick my butt for putting her to the trouble of having to find me, before letting me back into bed." Smallville finished with a lopsided smile.

"That's actually very sweet." Martha replied with soft smile.

Chloe nodded but followed through with her own thoughts "Yeah it is; and I think her promise to find you is something that she's holding herself to. Like Clark, when his mind was at peace and asleep he had dreams about his real life, so more than likely the times that Superman becomes almost tangible and Lois is no longer her dream self is actually when her mind kicks in and does as you said Martha; fights to remind her of her real life. She said it herself, on _those_ occasions he tells her that he's real, which means that everything she's dreaming is real, but her conscious mind is trying to reject it." She paused and contemplated "I also wonder if Clark was trying to reach out to her while they slept; after all both their dreams are real memories so it's possible."

Clark frowned "I don't think so Chlo, the dreams feel real but I don't remember ever doing that."

"Honey you might have done without realising it. When you were a child you used to talk in your sleep when you were upset." His mom put in touching his arm gently.

"I did?" Clark and Smallville asked in astonishment.

"Yes, you were always such a happy little boy but when you were upset you'd talk in your sleep; like when you were seven and your gold fish died. You stopped doing that a long time ago but like Lois, your subconscious might also have been trying to tell you the dreams were real memories. If so then there could have been occasions when you tried to reach out to Lois, but rather than talking out loud, you internalised it while you slept." Martha replied quietly.

"Smallville told me the same thing earlier. He said that my subconscious has been trying to tell me the truth for a long time." Clark stated with a look at his twin.

"That's only a guess but it does just seem logical." Chloe stopped to scratch her head "It's no wonder that Lois felt uncomfortable opening up at first though, if she'd told anyone else they would have thought she was nuts; especially since she dreamt that he was calling out to her last night." Martha and Clark nodded sadly in agreement.

"That was me." Smallvile put in quietly.

The three looked at each other, then as one turned back to him, he ran a hand around the back of his neck and sighed heavily "Last night I found it hard to get to sleep, so I flew to Metropolis. I knew that it wasn't going to be our apartment but I had to see for myself, I kept hoping that Lo would be there waiting for me. Anyway I came back and slept for a little while, but around 4 o'clock this morning I woke up and went for a walk around the fields. I kept thinking..." He paused and rubbed his forehead "...I kept thinking, what if my life was gone. What if my world had filled in the void of my absence as if I'd never existed there at all, and Lois didn't even realise that I was gone." He frowned and Martha reached over and squeezed his hand "I was scared. I didn't want to believe it but I was scared, and I just...I screamed out her name hoping that she'd hear me; remember me. I kept waiting for something, but nothing happened and eventually I just came back to the house, lay down on the couch and fell asleep promising myself that I would find a way to go home to Lois again."

"She heard you." Chloe replied softly in wonder.

"Yes, oh not my actual voice, but the voice inside her heart that knows her life is wrong, that knows she belongs with me heard me reaching out to her, asking her not to forget me." He took a deep breath and asked quietly "Do you think she resents me/him because she's with Oliver or because the dreams haven't stopped at all?"

"Possibly both, she said that her dream self loves him, and despite what her heads telling her, I think deep down she knows that it's Superman who really holds her heart not Oliver; which is just another reason why she wants them to stop. She said it herself. She wants to put the dreams behind her once and for all. It can't be easy for her choosing to spend her life with one man, while another haunts her sleep; especially if she's dreaming about the two of you, y'know." When the men blushed she asked patiently "You and Lois lived together, you were engaged to be married, so I'm guessing there was a fair amount of passion in the relationship, correct?" Smallville blushed again but nodded, when she turned to Clark he nodded likewise and wiggled in his seat "Ok, well if she's dreaming of your relationship, then she's not just dreaming that you the two of you play tiddly winks. It'd be natural for the dreams to be pretty racy at times."

Martha nodded in agreement "The dreams started over three years ago. She might have waited for him to appear in reality, but when he didn't she gave up. Then she met Oliver again and now that she's decided to marry him, she wants the dreams to stop so that she can go to Oliver with a whole heart." She paused and finished quietly "This is all guess work and speculation though, Lois is the one with the answers and I doubt that she'd tell any of us whether it's true or not."

"No I think she's told us as much as she's going to and I know Lo, more than likely she's already kicking herself for saying as much as she did." Smallville's forehead wrinkled in contemplation, leaning forward he balanced his elbow on the table and cupped his chin in his hand "But even though she said that she wants the dreams to stop, and I know she meant it because her pulse didn't jump, she gave herself away a few times without even realising it. Did you notice that she kept switching tenses; she said that he wasn't real, but talked about him and referred to him as if he was?" They all smiled and bobbed their heads "I think your wrong about that part Chlo, I think in her heart she knows that he's real, but she's trying to deny it. However, she didn't deny that her dream self loved him, and lastly Lois said '_if by some weird stroke of fate he does exists_'; she doesn't realise just what she revealed with that one statement." His lips quirked in a smile "Fate is just another word for predestination, kismet, karma; and for someone who doesn't believe in it, she said it very easily. As you both said, she knows that she belongs with Superman but she's fighting it."

The three smiled in agreement, and their smiles grew as Smallville continued talking "She's fighting it. Possibly because he's never appeared, but mostly because I think she wants to choose. What she doesn't understand is that she would be choosing, just with her heart and not her head. Lo usually laughs when I tell her that we were meant to be, but last month I told her that even if she'd tried to disappear on me had she retained any memory of us being engaged in the future that one day I would have found her again." He looked at them all and grinned "I told her that whether it was by accident or design made no difference because I would have found her."

"What'd she say when you told her that?" Clark asked curiously.

He shrugged casually "She scoffed but I knew it was true, and now it's almost like she's found me. Even though everything's been changed and Superman doesn't even exist in this time, he exists for her. The night before last when Lo and I were at home, I told her that we were born to be together and for the first time ever, she said that she thought I was right." He smiled softly in contentment "She's engaged to Oliver and I'm sure that she loves him, but not the way that she loved me, and not the way I believe that she loves Superman. Despite everything Lana couldn't change that. She's messed us about but she couldn't stop either Clark or Lois from clinging to a part of their reality, and she couldn't stop Lo from loving us." He finished firmly with conviction.

Martha and Chloe smiled mistily, Clark felt his heart warm at his twin's words.

Smallville looked around at those sitting at the table "She gave me the name Superman when I first appeared on the scene, and it was the name she had for her dad when she was a kid because he was her hero." He grinned and their smiles widened in return "I think that's..." He trailed off looking for the right word but found that he didn't need to.

"Sweet." Martha put in softly.

"Enchanting." Chloe supplied just as softly.

"Commendable." Clark responded quietly.

Smallville inclined his head "All of them. I'm damn proud that she gave me the name of her childhood hero, but I also think it shows that no matter what her age or what time line, she likes the name and we are meant." They all smiled and bobbed their heads.

Chloe sighed hugely and smiled at the men "I thought it was really fitting the way she compared you and her, to Elizabeth and Mr Darcy because the two of you were just like them. Initially you couldn't stand each other, Lois met you and wasn't the least bit dazzled or impressed, and in turn you weren't used to girls like Lo; one's who were so outspoken and indifferent to your charm, so you weren't impressed right back. But just like them, you ended up falling in love."

Martha nodded and chimed in "Yes exactly, Mr Darcy came to see that Elizabeth was a rare find. She didn't flatter or flirt with him; instead she disagreed and cut him down a peg. She was a woman of sharp wit and intelligence; altogether she was unlike any female he'd met before. And she in turn came to realise that underneath his proud exterior, was a man of true honour and gentleness; one that she came to respect more than any other." She finished with a heartfelt sigh.

"Yeah, their romance is so captivating because it wasn't based on anything as pedestrian as physical attraction. Their personalities complemented and you knew they'd always love each other." Chloe smiled and turned to the men "They did have a few obstacles to overcome before they could be together, kind of like you and Lo do now; not the same ones obviously but still..." Turning to look at Martha, she once again drew the older woman into the conversation "...like when Elizabeth found out that she had even more reason to dislike Mr Darcy, and he makes things even worse with that really insulting marriage proposal." She stopped and grinned turning to address the men "He basically says to her, hey I love you but your family's really low class, and I don't know if I can bear the shame of being associated with them, however I am willing to do you a huge favour, so how about marrying me. In return she pretty much says that she'd never be so desperate that she'd lower herself to marry him, and a few other things besides. You start by laughing and end up cringing when they throw all politeness aside and begin to attack each other verbally, both of them intent on getting in the killing shot." She finished shaking her head in amusement.

"So who wins?" Smallville and Clark asked curiously.

"Neither really, they both limp away with multiple wounds. She says something which really hurts, and he leaves but she doesn't get in the last word." Martha smiled indulgently.

Chloe shook her head and took up the thread "No way, the next day he gives her a letter explaining that he may be proud and whatnot, but she was a silly blind twit for believing all the lies she'd been told about him, and sets her straight on a lot of other stuff." She broke off and smiled "Anyway their argument ended up being all for the good, because it cleared up a lot of misconceptions they'd had about each other."

Martha smiled mistily "Yes and it's so sad but wonderful when Elizabeth realises that she loves Mr Darcy, the man she thought was so insufferable when they met; but thinks that it's far too late and he won't want her anymore."

"Then she finds out everything he did, and further discovers that it was all for her because he couldn't bear for her to be unhappy..." Chloe tilted her head and looked at the older woman "...oh doesn't every woman want to find a Mr Darcy." She asked with a sigh.

"Yes." Martha nodded and smiled "He was a true gentleman. He didn't want her to know what he did, because he didn't want her to feel obligated to him, which in turn just made her love him all the more."

"I know and when he tells her that his feelings haven't changed, that he still loves her and she replies that hers have, that she now loves him; I have to admit to getting choked up." Chloe sighed romantically, and nodding Martha did likewise.

The men's smiles had grown listening to the women talk, they were happy to listen to the women chatter on about another gushy romance movie; now that their romance with Lois was being compared to the movie in question.

Smallville liked the sound of this Mr Darcy. He was proud but honourable, gentle but not a pushover. He considered and nodded internally; being compared to Mr Darcy sounded pretty damn good.

Clark appreciated they were no longer comparing him to that other guy who sat around reading poetry and looking sad; he also liked being compared to Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy sounded like a man who didn't put up with any crap.

So when the women grew silent, both men waved their hands encouraging them to continue; however, they soon found that they should have stopped while the going was good.

Chloe looked them up and down then smiled "Maybe you could dive into a pond and let Lois see you in a wet shirt. No wait she's already seen you in a wet t-shirt, and just ruffled your hair like a puppy dog, so that won't work." She finished on a soft snort of laughter.

Martha snickered, the two women looked at each other and began to chortle. The men's smiles fell of their faces, they turned to each other unamused, turned back to the women and bared their teeth in a sneer, which only caused the women to laugh harder.

Once the hilarity died down Smallville pushed back his seat and stood "I'm going to talk to Lois. I'll tell her that we were giving her some time to be alone and that's why we let her be. I imagine that right now she's worried that we think she's crazy, and I don't want Lo to feel uncomfortable, to feel that she has to make an excuse to leave just to avoid us."

"Smallville..." He turned back at his twins call "She's not in the loft anymore; she's now sitting on a box stacked behind the barn." He nodded once and with encouraging smiles from everyone, walked to the door, pulled it open and stepped outside.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Lois stood on the porch for a moment before walking down the stairs and making her way sedately towards the barn. However, once inside the structure; away from prying eyes, she raced up the stairs and all but flopped onto the couch.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What the hell had she been thinking, she'd wanted to talk to someone for years, and once started found it hard to stop, but why the hell didn't she just go to a physiatrist? She didn't like them, didn't trust them, and thought they were all full of shit, but at least they'd be an impartial, unimportant party; they weren't her friends, people she'd known for years.

At least if a physiatrist had her carted away to the local funny farm she would have understood, but now her friends knew the stuff that went on in her head while she slept, and they were bound to be laughing behind her back. She could feel the heat of humiliation crawl up her neck, almost cutting off her air supply and suddenly began to hyperventilate. She quickly bent over, dropped her head between her knees, closed her eyes and concentrated on taking one breath in through her mouth and out through her nose, determinedly keeping her mind completely blank.

It took a few minutes but she soon felt better and sitting back up, she reached into her purse, extracted a cigarette, lit it and after taking a deep inhale, blew out the smoke and felt calmer again. Standing up, she walked to the loft window, but finding it broken decided that sitting on the ledge wasn't a good idea, so stood at the side and smoked, absently tapping the ash outside.

Ok so she'd told them about the dreams, they might think she was crazy, they might be laughing, they probably would read a lot more into it then they should; but one thing she'd learnt a long time ago, was that you couldn't stop a person from thinking whatever they wanted to. The best thing she could do now was to brazen it out, and act like she'd never said a word. If she pretended that it wasn't important, they would follow her example and eventually it would be forgotten.

She wasn't like Chloe who could heal people with her tears, she wasn't like Clark whom she'd just found out was an alien, and she wasn't like some of the nutballs who lived in Smallville; so compared to them, her dreams weren't a big deal.

If necessary, she could handle it if they thought she'd joined the ranks of the weirdo's, but what she didn't want, was for any of them to question her love for her fiancé. Oliver was a good man who didn't merit being the object of pity. She didn't want her friends to think that she was settling for him, because she wasn't. Knowing that, she knew it wasn't fair not to tell him about the dreams; whether they stopped or not made no difference; more than anyone, he deserved to know.

She took a deep breath, accepting what had to be done, and nodded; she was going to tell him. She was going to tell him everything and could only hope that once she did, he wouldn't decide to let her go or walk away, believing it was either for her good, or in the assumption that she loved someone else.

She would make it clear that it was him she wanted to be with. She wasn't interested in living in some fantasy world with a dream man, and she'd tell him that as well.

It had taken her long enough to realise that she wanted to be with Ollie, longer again to love him, and now that she knew he was the man that she wanted to marry, she wasn't going to let a dream ruin all of that. When she felt the heat on her fingers, she looked down and noticed the stick was almost finished, and after taking one last drag, she put it out, then turned and once again sat on the couch.

She thought it was ridiculous that a grown woman had taken to flights of fancy, when she never had as a girl. As she'd pointed out earlier, she had never been the useless kind of female who waited for a man to save her, nor had she ever sat around wishing that one day her prince would come.

Firstly, how pathetically useless did you have to be if you weren't even going to try and help yourself, always expecting someone else to save you; and secondly there was no such thing as a prince. Obviously some part of her psyche was still girly enough to indulge in little girl dreams, but she wasn't a little girl, she was a woman. One moreover who was practical enough to separate fact from fantasy.

She'd always been practical minded, and had never wanted to be otherwise. The first dream had been nothing, it had happened when she was still young and obviously in some ways despite her upbringing; impressionable enough to dream of a man saving her. Although it had felt important, she'd been able to forget about it after the meteor shower, so it clearly wasn't all that meaningful.

However, the ones that started three years ago had a different flavour to them. They had felt real, as if she'd already lived it all, and was now just reliving memories of a time long past. She'd tried to ignore them, tried to banish them with work and a more active social life, but had finally given up when it appeared that nothing was going to stop them from coming.

After keeping the dreams to herself for three years she'd needed to talk to someone, and felt both relieved and dismayed at sharing, but at least she'd had enough sense not to tell them everything. She'd kept some of it to herself, she'd kept a lot of it to herself, and was thankful that for once, her mouth which usually switched on regardless if her mind was otherwise engaged; had listened to her brain and shut the hell up.

She'd told them about Superman and yeah ok, it was embarrassing but at least she hadn't told them about Kal. Withholding the Kal part felt like a form of security to her; not only would he have been harder to explain, but she could easily imagine that they'd all think she'd completely lost it. Over and above all that, she had to admit that she wanted to keep Kal to herself, and couldn't even explain why.

No, there was no point in lying, she'd always been brutally honest with herself, no matter how much it hurt, she knew why. Her relationship with Kal was intimate and private, talking about Superman might have made her sound silly, but she could pass him off as a hero that she'd thought up when she was feeling lonely. Kal was Superman's true persona, and he was the man her dream self loved. What hurt was that she knew her dream self loved him, more than she loved Oliver. She'd tried to pretend that it wasn't true, but couldn't. Her dream self loved Kal with a depth and intensity that she had never felt for anyone in reality; not even Ollie.

When the dreams first started Superman had saved her and that was it, but with each dream their sense of reality had deepened; and so had her dream self's infatuation for him. She'd been completely bowled over, and he'd definitely encouraged it. It was obvious that for some reason Superman had taken a liking to her, she didn't know why but neither had she questioned it. However, eventually she'd woken up to herself and realised that with him being Superman it wasn't like they could date. What was he supposed to do, fly her around the world so that she could be his own personal groupie, clapping and whistling when he saved someone? And if they got married her name would no longer be Lois Lane but Mrs Lois Superman; well that just sounded wrong, and thank god she hadn't been so far gone that she thought it sounded romantic.

She had found Superman's goodness and decency to be more seductive than the headiest wine, his charm and friendliness to be completely provocative, and not something that she was able to resist. However, she had finally realised that she wasn't in love with him, he had just arrived at a time when she was sick of dating and games, and then this amazing man appeared out of the blue; literally and he used his powers to help people just because he wanted to. He wanted to help and didn't expect anything in return, and that had completely dumbfounded her. She was cynical and world weary, and was used to people expecting something in return for any service they provided; but he hadn't. He was friendly and genuine, so men liked him, he was nice and kind so children and older people were drawn to him, and he was easy on the eyes, plus a complete gentleman so women were in turns charmed or attracted to him; she unfortunately had taken it to the extreme of believing that she loved him.

Once she realised that she didn't love Superman, she decided that it was time to get back into dating again, and that was when Kal decided it was time that they should give dating a shot.

She and Kal had been friends for a while, but she didn't know how that had happened or where he'd come from. Knowing that in dreams all the finer details aren't ironed out, you just accept whatever comes along, her dream self just accepted that he was a friend, but her real self had no idea when he'd even entered the picture. She honestly didn't know if the chunks that were missing were important or not. On the one hand she felt they were, on the other they were just dreams, but found it frustrating all the same.

Kal had asked her out a few times but she'd said always said no. Not only because of her infatuation with Superman, but because he just wasn't someone that she was attracted to romantically. He was nice, he was a friend, she liked him and enjoyed his company but that was as far as her feelings for him went. She finally agreed to date him, simply because she saw no reason not to. She hadn't had much luck in the romance department; he wasn't comfortable dating women he didn't know, so in the end she figured the two of them could get their feet wet with the opposite sex by dating each other, before once again trying their luck with others.

He suggested they go bowling on their first date to ease them into dating each other, then he'd taken her to the movies for their second date, and she'd enjoyed both. She hadn't had such a carefree time in years; there was none of the first date panic, no worries about whether she'd have a good time, no disappointment in finding out that he wasn't much to write home about. He was someone she knew, a friend so she'd been able to relax and have fun.

Two weeks after they started dating he told her that he was Superman, and while her dream self had initially been upset, she had felt relief. Now she finally knew just what it was that had puzzled her, now she understood why Superman and Kal had both seemed incomplete. They were one person but she just hadn't made the connection between them. However, it wasn't long before she realised that wasn't the problem, there was still something wrong, something that she was missing, but was buggered if she could figure out what it was. In the end she decided to forget about it. They were dreams, nothing more than flights of fancy, Kal was good company, Superman was a good guy and that was enough.

When Kal still hadn't kissed her after they'd been dating for a month, she'd finally kissed him. They had gone out for dinner, then back to her apartment for coffee, he was on the point of departure, the front door was open, he leant down and pecked her cheek and she'd become thoroughly fed up.

They were dating because he'd talked her into it, but he obviously regretted doing so, and was now clearly struggling with how to tell her. She didn't know what the problem was, but thought that it could be one of many things. He felt awkward because they were friends, or he'd realised that after getting her to say yes, that it wasn't what he wanted, or he'd discovered that regardless of how apprehensive he felt dating women he didn't know, that it had to be better than dating her.

If it was the first, well she had tried to point out that their being friends would be a deterrent, but he'd negated all the arguments she'd put forward, If it was the second reason, well she was used to that too. Men seemed to love the thrill of the chase but walked away once she gave in. She'd played that game a number of times and was not only sick to death of it, but had no intention of going down that path again. If it was the third reason then she wasn't surprised. They'd been friends for a long time, he'd never felt any more romantic towards her than she had towards him, so why on earth he'd think that by dating he'd suddenly find her desirable was stupid. It was apparent that he had no desire to even kiss her, which didn't make for very auspicious start to their relationship, so she decided that it was time to face him with it, and bring their dating to an end.

She tried to figure out how to tell him without completely deflating his ego, and without making him feel like a heel who promptly felt the need to subject her to protestations that she was wrong. However, she wasn't a saint so her reasons weren't completely selfless. She had no ambition to be with anyone who only wanted her when she was unavailable, and didn't intend to waste her time listening to a bunch of malarkey about how he wanted them to try again, only to find herself in the same position another month down the track. She'd had enough. It was time to let him know they should just forget about dating, and go back to being friends; and in the end decided the quickest and easiest way to show him was to just kiss him. He'd soon realise that his idea of them dating while fun, wasn't practical, and further discover that she more than understood why he was looking for a way out. Once they kissed, he would see that she wasn't angry or upset at his change of heart, they could both admit that neither had any desire to be together sexually, so they could have a laugh, talk about how awkward they both felt and it would all be good.

She was waiting for the right moment, she didn't want to just lunge at the guy; yeah she wanted to show him they had nothing, but she didn't want to hurt him to do it.

Well it hadn't been him who'd learnt anything, it had been her. He was on the point of departure, had leant down and pecked her cheek, but instead of smiling and wishing him goodnight as usual, she'd become fed up with both their vacillation, grabbed his tie, muttered 'oh for god's sakes' and tugged until his lips were level with hers. Once their lips met, she certainly hadn't felt like laughing, nor had she felt awkward. For a first kiss it had felt amazingly right, no more than that, it had felt familiar but not in any way commonplace, and the craving she'd felt for him had left her shaken.

Their lips had no sooner met than his arms had enclosed around her, he'd pulled her flush against him, and taken charge. Feeling her body pressed against his and his mouth on hers had felt natural. There was no awkwardness, their heads hadn't tilted the wrong way, their noses hadn't bumped, it hadn't felt like a first kiss; and god it had been the best kiss of her life.

She pulled back after a minute and stared at him, unable to comprehend how a friend that she'd never thought of romantically, had made her feel so much with just a kiss. He was good looking, he was a nice guy, but the only time that ever she'd felt romantic towards him, was when she didn't realise that he was Superman. She'd never had the hots for Kal but now...now she did. He looked back at her unblinking, and the look on his face had been a mixture of laughter and delight.

"What the hell was that?" She was amazed that she could string two words together.

"A kiss." He replied simply but with a small smile of contentment.

She nodded, reached around him and pushed the door closed but was unable to do anything else. He must have figured out that she was still too bemused to pull him to her again, because he made the next move; and she had been no more prepared for their second kiss than she had been for their first.

He cupped her face in his hands, leant down and brushed his lips softly against hers, their lips had caressed lightly, gently then his teeth nibbled on her bottom lip, before soothing it with soft swipes of his tongue, the tip of which just brushed the inside of her lip.

When she moaned, his tongue had slipped inside, tasting every corner and crevice of her mouth. Over the roof, the inside of her cheeks, across her teeth, the inside of her lips before sweeping across her tongue tantalizingly. The kiss was a mixture of tenderness and aggressiveness; he slipped one hand to the back of her head, tangled his fingers in her hair and held her captive, slanting her head to accommodate him as he continued to nip at her lips, encouraging her tongue to duel and dance with his. By the time their lips parted, they'd both been breathless, and she had felt a combination of being gooey all over, horny as hell and desired like never before.

This was supposed to have been a kiss to show him they weren't compatible, a kiss of goodbye to romance and hello again to friendship; instead it felt like the start of everything. If a kiss was that good, sex was going to be fantastic. She could see satisfaction and hunger stamped on his face, and knew that he was feeling all the same things that were swirling inside her.

"It was a long wait but it was worth it." He said quietly.

"A long wait?" She asked bemused.

"Mmm hmm, I've wanted to kiss you for a long time, but I didn't want to scare you off." He replied rubbing his thumb along her jaw.

"That's why you haven't kissed me before now." He nodded minutely in reply "I thought you were trying to figure out how to tell me that you'd made a mistake, and didn't want us to date anymore, so you were keeping your distance until you knew how." She laughed in amusement.

He shook his head "I never once thought that."

"Well you're lucky that I kissed you then, because I thought it was the only way to show you that we had nothing, and should stop dating." She grinned, amused at her misreading of his intentions.

His brows lifted and his lips quirked "If you'd tried to tell me that we should stop dating, I promise that I would have kissed you, just to stop you from finishing that sentence." He returned before gathering her in his arms once again. That night they'd kissed and made-out for so long, that it was a miracle there was any oxygen left in the room afterwards.

She'd woken up the next morning and lay in bed running her fingertips over her lips and stared at the ceiling. They had chemistry out the wazoo, more than she'd ever experienced in real life. She'd had good sex in the past, she'd had great sex actually, but she'd never felt as turned on, nor desired by a man with just a kiss. That morning she decided then and there that if the dreams weren't going to stop, then she might as well enjoy them, and she did.

She was bitterly sorry that she missed the dream when they first had sex, and was even sorrier that she didn't miss the dream when he told her that he loved her. That declaration had her running from his apartment as if the hounds of hell were at her heels. Sex and chemistry she could understand and deal with, but love that wasn't something that she was prepared for; nor reciprocated.

At first she wondered if he'd just gotten sex confused with love, he wouldn't be the first nor the last person to make that mistake; hell she'd made that mistake herself. He hadn't had much experience before they were together, so more than likely he was just in some kind of sexual thrall, but deep in her heart she knew it wasn't that. Remembering back to all the times they'd had sex, the look in his eyes and on his face, the tone of his voice, the way he touched her. Recalling the way he looked at her when they were doing nothing more interesting than watching TV or eating dinner, she knew that he loved her.

He was a nice guy who deserved to find someone that would love him the way that he wanted, she didn't. She desired him and enjoyed his company, but she didn't love him, and wasn't going to pretend otherwise. That was not only unfair, but insulting to both of them. She'd miss him, miss his warmth and humour, definitely miss the sex but she wasn't going to hang onto him because of that. He deserved much better than to be reduced to nothing more than a stud, so she decided that it was time to cut him loose, and hope that his affliction would be of a short enough duration, that he'd soon find someone else.

She didn't know how he'd overcome her reservations but he must have. In the midst of the next dream she was watching herself breaking up with him, another jump and they were no longer at her apartment but his, and they were obviously still together because she'd jumped right into the middle of the dream when they were about to have sex, or more to the point, she'd landed right at the part when he said that he loved her, and her dream self had smiled and was kissing him in reply.

What freaked her out was that only a moment ago she'd been an observer, this time she was a participant; and felt both thankful and dismayed. It might have been her, but watching herself having sex would have made her feel like a voyeur. However, landing in the middle of a dream where suddenly you're about to have sex was a little strange to say the least. Prior to that when the dreams shifted and she had been a participant, they were talking, laughing, flying, not doing anything of any import, so although it was disconcerting and confusing, she was able to handle it. But watching yourself breaking up with a man one moment, and finding yourself rolling around naked with him the next, took some getting used to.

She felt somewhat like Sam Beckett, and could finally understand just how he felt when he leaped and found himself thrown into the middle of a god-awful situation, and was expected to carry on. She didn't know how he did it, but this wasn't a TV show, and the only thought in her head was 'you've gotta be kidding me!'

She'd obviously lost the plot for a moment, and who could blame her, but he must have picked up on her distraction, because he stopped kissing her, cupped her face in his hands and searched her eyes with his.

"Lo, are you ok baby?"

_Baby, when did he start calling her baby?_ "Yeah I'm ah...I'm fine but..."

"But what?" He asked quietly, smoothing the hair back from face.

"I'm not in the mood anymore; maybe we should just go to sleep."

He studied her for a moment longer, nodded, then reached over, turned out the light, curled around her and pressed his cheek against hers "Are you sure you're ok Lo; you've never not been in the mood before." He asked softly.

"Yeah well, there's a first time for everything." _And wasn't that a huge understatement_.

He kissed the side of her mouth then tilted her face to his "Is it because I said that I love you."

"I'm just not in the mood." She replied, glad for the cover of darkness.

"Lois, your pulse just jumped." He smoothed his hand up and down her arm then let it rest on her tummy "You were ok with it a few minutes ago; you've been ok with it since we talked. This isn't the first time that I've said it while we made love, but now you're uncomfortable about it for some reason; aren't you?"

She shrugged half-heartedly not sure what to say, they had obviously resolved the issue but she didn't know how, and it wasn't like she could ask him to explain it. She felt unsettled and uneasy; it wasn't the sex, they'd done that a number of times so it wasn't like she wasn't used to it, but she had never just landed smack dab in the middle of it. Altogether she felt vulnerable and unnerved, which she neither liked nor handled well.

She sat up, and began to reach for her clothes, tugging them on, and determinedly ignoring the eyes watching her. However, when the light flicked on, she stopped and sighed.

"Why are you getting dressed?" He asked quietly.

"I'm going home."

"Why?"

"Because you obviously feel chatty, whereas I want to sleep, so if I'm going to get any sleep tonight, then it's going to have to be in my own bed." She replied with an offhand shrug.

"That's true; normally you're the chatter box in this relationship." He sat up, slipped his arms around her waist and asked lightly "If I promise to shut up, will you stay?"

Appreciating that he was trying to lighten the atmosphere, she replied in kind "I don't talk as much as I used to." When she felt his body shaking with silent laughter she elbowed him in the ribs "Shut up."

"Lo the only time you don't talk is when you're eating, and if you're not talking it's because you're grumbling about the lack of coffee and chocolate, or yelling because you've been scooped." He replied straight faced.

She swung around to face him "Don't ever say that dirty word again."

"Which one?" He asked politely, while his hands got busy removing her clothes before guiding her down gently until she was horizontal once again.

"Scooped." She growled.

"Yes dear." His lips twitched.

She frowned lightly, looked at his self satisfied face, realised that she was once again naked and grinned "You bastard, you totally conned me."

"I don't know what in the world you're talking about." He returned piously.

She snorted indelicately, but had to give him points for portraying innocence so well "Like hell, you purposely said that dirty word, just so that you could distract me and get me back into bed."

"It was your fault." He grinned unrepentant, leaning down to press his lips against hers "You looked so sexy with your hair all mussed and your clothes half on, that I was helpless to resist."

"You think saying sweet stuff like that, is going to soften me up so that we'll have sex, don't you?" She replied, trying hard to stifle the chuckle that wanted to burst out.

His grin got even bigger while his head nodded rapidly.

She let out a soft huff of laughter, and shook her head in return "Forget it buddy, just for that we're not ever having sex again."

He fell on his back hooting in laughter "I give you two minutes; max."

"I give you less than that." She shot back just as fast.

"Wanna see who wins?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"Fine, we'll both lie here, no touching at all, and we'll see just who gives in first, deal?" He nodded, and they lay there for about 10 seconds before she turned her head and nailed him with her eyes "Stop it! No blowing on me, that's unfair."

"I'm not touching." He all but sang.

"Ok, you wanna play dirty, ok." She sat up, took a quick look at the beside clock then ran her hands up and over her breasts, stretched, then leant back on her hands, lifted one leg high, then lowered it until her foot was sitting on the bed with her knee upraised; and posed.

She looked at the clock once again, noticed that not even one minute had passed then casually turned her head, smiled at him, licked her lips and all but screamed with laughter when he lunged, and had her under him within seconds.

"Talk about unfair." He grumbled.

"I wasn't touching." She sang back as he'd done earlier.

He grinned and bent down to kiss her "Even though I lost, I still win."

"And how do you figure that?"

"I got you to say."

She had to laugh "Where did you learn the fine art of manoeuvring?"

"From you." He returned swiftly.

She sniggered then kissed him, he was of course right. She had stayed, they had made love, and this time she didn't feel awkward; not even when he told her that he loved her. He was spooned around her, his hand was rubbing lazy circles over her torso, he kissed the side of her neck, up to her ear and whispered "I love you baby; god Lo I love you more than you'll ever know."

She turned her face towards his "I'm sorry for...well before." She said softly, and pressed her lips against his.

He hugged her tighter and lifted one hand to cup her cheek "Please don't let it frighten you Lois. I just...I held it inside for so long that I can't any longer..." He pressed his lips against her forehead and closed his eyes "...but if it will stop you from running away, I'll try not to say it baby, I promise."

She shook her head, silently cursing herself for hurting him earlier "No, you don't have to do that, it just caught me off guard before that's all, but I'm not going to run." She replied contritely.

He opened his eyes, looked into her eyes and nodded "Thank you."

She gave him a small smile hoping to lighten his countenance "There are a lot of women who'd give you a much easier time of it then me, and who'd be much more appreciative of you."

He smiled in return and shook his head "I don't want easy and I don't want anyone else, it's you or no one." He pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss "So those women will just have to find someone else, because I'm taken."

"What'd you say to the ones who come onto Superman?" She asked with a grin.

He coughed and replied sheepishly "That I have an emergency."

She began to giggle, his face flushed, and reaching over, he turned off the light and plunged the room into darkness "Stop laughing Lo, I have to say something."

"What kind of emergency?" She asked fascinated.

"Hell I don't know, I make up something and fly away. You have no idea just how octopussy some of those women are." He tucked her in closer against his body.

"Welcome to the world we women have been living in since the dawn of time." She patted his arm in consolation.

"Yeah, so tell me, in your world, did you ever get underwear sent to you in the mail?" He asked in a voice full of grievance.

"No, I can truthfully say that I've been spared that." She chuckled lightly.

"What the hell do they expect me to do with it?"

"Wear it." She returned promptly, screaming with laughter.

"Wear it! Are you kidding me; what the hell kind of women are these?" He shuddered slightly causing her to laugh harder.

Once her laughter died down, she turned around and kissed his chin "They're hoping you'll see their sexy underwear, and want to meet them."

"Hah, if they only knew my girlfriend wears stuff that's a hell of a lot sexier, they wouldn't bother." He replied sweeping his hands up and down her back.

"Your girlfriend! Alright buddy who is she; what's the name of the little troglodyte that you've been snuggling with behind my back?" She demanded wrathfully.

He chuckled and pressed his face into her neck "I promised that I wouldn't ever reveal her name to you under pain of death."

"So just to be clear, you're snuggling with a wimp who wears K-Mart underwear." She replied dryly.

He shook silently with laughter and hugged her tight "God Lo, how can I help but adore you."

"Yeah, yeah." She ran her hands up his back, and up into his hair, tangling her fingers in the strands "Y'know, I don't remember you ever using the emergency excuse with me."

He cleared his throat "I thought you were sleepy."

She let him off the hook, and pressed her smiling lips to his before tucking her face into his neck and closing her eyes "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." His lips pressed against the crown of her head, his arms nestled her closer against him. She'd almost drifted off when his voice came softly into the room "With you I used any excuse to be closer."

She smiled and fell into asleep.

Their relationship by turns was full of laughter and enjoyment, petty arguments and passion. Not just for sex, although that seemed to be high on the list, but just in each other's company.

The times that she and Kal had kissed, made love, talked, laughed, argued, all of it felt right, but slightly off; he felt incomplete. In the deepest corner of her heart, she knew that if she just tried hard enough to discover what was wrong she would, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to find out, didn't want to analyse it, she just wanted to enjoy it.

She didn't expect her dream self to fall in love with him, he was a nice guy whose company she enjoyed both in bed and out, but she wasn't a green girl who heard wedding bells just because of great sex. However, a few months later she was in for the rude awakening. She'd woken up completely flabbergasted at the knowledge that her dream self had fallen in love with him, and was even more jolted at what had happened. That was the first dream in which he'd told her that he was real, and she'd been shocked as hell.

She'd once again stared at the ceiling, her mind in turmoil hearing his voice and seeing the look in his eyes. In the dream she'd told him that she loved him, they had made love and afterwards were just lying in bed.

He'd lifted up on one elbow, looked down at her, and his finger had traced the outline of her lips "I love you Lois."

She smiled and smoothed her hand over his arm "You just want me to say it again, don't you?"

"Mmm hmm." He grinned in reply and rubbed his thumb over her lips "I've waited for a long time, and although I never would have felt dissatisfied if you didn't return my feelings; I'm so damn glad that you do, that yes, I want to hear it again."

Her smile had grown and she nodded in understanding "I love you."

He leant down and his lips pressed lightly against hers, sipping softly, touching briefly before his tongue ran along the seam and his hand cupped her cheek urging her to silently open her mouth wider. When she did, his tongue slipped inside, moving gently, exploring all the hidden recesses of her mouth as if for the first time. His mouth lifted only long enough to change angles, he slipped down to lie beside her once again, crushing her gently against his chest as their tongues continued to mesh and dance into his mouth, then hers and back again in one long continuous waltz.

He lifted his mouth from hers when she needed to gasp for some much needed air, her lashes fluttered up, her tongue swiped over her lips and she smiled "What do I get if I say it again?" She teased and was surprised when instead of laughing his face became melancholy.

"I love you Lo, but this isn't enough." He said quietly.

"What's not enough?" She asked confused.

"This." He replied sweeping his arm out to encompass them "I want more."

"More what?"

"More everything; I 'm real Lois, our relationship is real, and that's what I want; reality." He replied steadily.

In that moment she was no longer her dream self, she was her real self and his words not only confused by startled her "I don't know what you're talking about." She replied turning over and sitting up preparatory to climbing out of bed, but his arm wrapped around her waist and stayed her movement.

"Yes you do." He contradicted firmly

"Look, you're just a dream, but that's all you are." She replied in kind, tugging his arm from around her and reaching for her robe.

"I'm not Lo." He pressed insistently.

That was when she woke up, and had lain in bed unable to comprehend what the hell had happened. She'd felt like a participant in the dreams before, but this time he'd obviously been one too and that had floored her. She sat up, reached for a smoke to calm her nerves and while enjoying every last inhale, decided to put it all into perspective. She was a rational, practical minded woman, so although she still felt the quake of his words reverberating through her heart, she was able to push it aside and think logically.

He wasn't real, she'd just somehow become so caught up in the stupid dreams that she wanted him to be real, simply because she'd never fallen in love nor met anyone else who'd stirred her as he did. More than likely when she did, dream man would disappear.

There had been many instances since then with similar such occurrences. He had become more insistent, telling her that she promised to never leave him, that she'd find him, and each time she'd told him no; and she would keep saying no. She refused to spend hours and days analysing either the dreams or herself. She'd never been one of those people who nitpicked and inspected every last detail, of every little thing looking for hidden meanings, or deeply buried secrets, and she wasn't going to start with a bunch of dreams that were nothing more than an enjoyable fantasy.

When she and Oliver started to date, she didn't care if the dreams continued or not. Her dream self loved Kal but she didn't. As far as she was concerned Oliver was someone that she could touch and see, and she'd take that over a dream man any day of the week. But there was obviously some part of her that felt unfaithful for being with Oliver. In between times of telling her that she belonged with him, Kal also kept pointing out that she shouldn't be with Oliver. As far as he was concerned, Oliver was her past; he was her present and future. She countered with the argument that dreams were all well and good, but she was a flesh and blood woman who not only liked spending time with men, but who also enjoyed sex, the real kind not the fantasy version; and no matter what he said otherwise that was all he was.

When she realised that she loved Oliver; that was when she wanted the dreams to stop. They didn't and although her dream self was happy, she wasn't. She'd been so sure that once she met someone, or at least fell in love, that the dreams would surely stop but she'd been wrong. Only a few nights ago she'd gotten engaged to Oliver, and that was the first time that Kal had become angry. Prior to that he'd been argumentative, ardent and hopeful, but that night he'd been hurt, angry and inflexible.

The dream had started out the same as most others, everything was fine, they were together and it was all ok. They had come home, had dinner, worked for a little while, watched TV then gone to bed. But after they made love, he'd picked up her hand, and had playfully begun to nibble on her fingertips, making her giggle. His laughter stopped, his fingers squeezed around hers, and being far too busy nibbling on his jaw, she unaware of anything being amiss; but wasn't in ignorance for long.

"What the hell is this?" He asked in a soft voice.

She bit lightly at his chin and smiled "It's my ring silly, don't you remember putting it on my finger."

"This is not your engagement ring Lois, I know what your ring looks like and this isn't it." He replied slowly and succinctly.

She paused, looked at her hand, saw Oliver's ring, and once again, the dream shifted and rather than feeling like a memory, they were both suddenly real and she'd felt a combination of frustration and irritation. She'd shaken her head, hoping to wake up but didn't.

His head whipped towards hers, his eyes were like flint "Whose ring is it?"

"Oliver's, we're engaged." She replied trying to tug her hand free.

His fingers clenched, his voice became even softer "You're engaged to me."

"No I'm not." She could see the bubbling anger in his eyes, and continued tugging at her hand, wishing that she'd wake up.

"Yes, you damned well are." He looked into her eyes and demanded quietly "Take it off."

"I'm not taking it off, it's my engagement ring."

"It's not your fucking engagement ring Lois." He freed her hand, sat up and scrubbed his hands over his face before turning to face her then turned and pointed at her hand "That is not the ring I put on your finger."

She sat up likewise, hugging the sheet against her and looked down at her hand "No it's not; this is the ring that Oliver put on my finger, because he's the man that I'm going to marry." She replied patiently and began to slide out of bed.

His hand grasped her arm gently, and when she turned back it was to find him looking at her with a face that was both sad and resolute "You're engaged to me." He stated once again and giving her no time to respond leant over and kissed her angrily. They'd had angry sex in the past, so it hadn't been the first time, but this time there was an edge to it, almost as if he was trying to imprint himself on her. Afterwards he'd picked up her hand, removed the ring, threw it across the room then looked steadily into her eyes "I don't ever want to see that ring on your finger again."

"Then leave me alone, because I'm going to wear it." She returned just as angrily, pushing him aside and getting out of bed to slip on a robe and begin hunting for the ring.

He came up behind her, spun her around and pushed his fingers into her hair, holding her face cupped fast within his hands "Get rid of him."

"I'm going to marry him."

His eyes became even harder, his chin determined "You won't ever marry Oliver; I'll make sure of that."

"You're not even real, so how do you propose to stop me?" She jeered mockingly.

"Anyway I have to." He replied inflexibly, bending down to capture her lips with his, she tried to turn her face but wasn't quick enough as his mouth clamped onto hers. His tongue pressed insistently against the seam of her mouth, and when she opened to take a breath, he thrust his tongue inside, sweeping around and claiming ever part of her; demanding that she join his in the dance.

It hadn't taken long before their arms were around each other, his hands were tugging of her robe and they were back on bed. He lifted his mouth from hers, and looked dead into her eyes "Tell me that you love me."

She couldn't, she wasn't dream Lois; this was far too real and she knew that if she said the words, it would be a betrayal of Oliver, so she kept silent.

"Tell me Lois." He demanded again.

"No." She replied shaking her head.

He bent down and claimed her lips again. By the time their lips separated, they were both panting hard, and their eyes opened to stare and duel into each other's once again "You don't belong with Oliver and you know it." She shook her head again, and capturing her chin in one strong hand he stilled her head and smiled, but his smile was filled with both hurt and anger "Less than an hour ago we made love you, and you said that you loved me."

"That was when you were a dream."

"I was never a fucking dream." He yelled causing the breath catch in her throat. He closed his eyes tight, before opening them to look into hers once again, his hand slid from her chin to the side of her jaw, his thumb softly stroked her cheek "I was never a dream baby; not ever." He whispered "When are you going to believe me, when are you going to admit it."

"Never." She firmed her chin and hardened her voice.

"If you marry Oliver, you'll be ruining all our lives." The softness in his voice was gone as if it had never been.

"_When_ I marry Oliver, it'll be the best thing I've ever done." She stressed; her voice as inflexible as his.

"God Lois, can't you stop being so damned stubborn for once; just stop listening to your head and listen with your heart." He growled impatiently.

"Why don't you stop and leave me in peace." She returned waspishly.

"You want peace, you've got it." He flung of the bed, spun into his clothes and left.

She woken up then, turned to find Oliver asleep beside her and smiled; grateful that at last the dreams were over. At last she would no longer be torn between her real life and her fantasy one. But the words Kal had said spoken were like a never ending mantra in her head _"You don't belong with Oliver and you know it." _She'd moved closer to Oliver, felt his arm slip around her waist, feeling both uneasy and relieved, and slipped back into sleep wondering why her mind wouldn't give her any rest.

Then last night, she'd heard Kal calling out to her, and his voice had sounded so forlorn, so wretched that her heart had hurt for him; and she'd curled up under the coffee table and cried. She felt stupid for crying over a chimera but couldn't stop and when she'd finally fallen back asleep he was there.

This time thank god she'd just been an observer, this time it had been a dream only. No revelations, no angry words or surprises; just two people who were happy being together.

In the real world, Oliver was the man that she loved, and the only man that she wanted to dream about. She never wasted her time looking around for someone else, someone better; there was no better man for her than him. She and Oliver made each other happy, and although their sex life wasn't full of the kind of fireworks that happened in the dreams, nor the kind that were found in the pages of a novel, it was nice and that was enough.

If and that was a huge IF; if Kal or Superman was real then they'd had plenty of time to appear or find her before she'd met Oliver again, but they hadn't because they were just a figment of her imagination. She still felt disloyal for knowing that her dream self loved Kal more than she loved Oliver, and knew that until the dreams stopped, there would always be a part of her heart that she couldn't give to him which made her feel wretchedly miserable. He deserved better than a fiancé who didn't love him with her whole heart, who couldn't because some damn make believe man refused to let her go.

Shaking her head, she looked around the loft and decided enough. Standing up, she snagged her purse, made her way down the stairs and out to the rear of the barn, and took a seat on a box that had been placed outside the structure. She reached into her purse, extracted another cigarette, lit it and closed her eyes wondering if she should call Oliver now, or wait until she got home, then shook her head; no this wasn't something she could tell him over the phone but she was going tell him everything, and hoped that he wouldn't throw her over, either for her sake or his own.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Smallville stepped onto the porch and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. He'd wanted to know if Lois had any memories of their life, and now he knew. His beloved hadn't been able to completely let him go, just as Clark hadn't been able to let her go. For the first time since Jor-el had told him the truth of what had become of his life, he felt a measure of peace in knowing that it would all turn out ok.

He still hated that she didn't remember loving him; he still hated that she was engaged to Oliver, and he still resented Lana for it all, but just knowing that Lois was holding onto him in some way, knowing that she'd heard him the previous night, eased some of the restriction that felt like a tight band around his heart.

He stepped off the porch, walked to the back of the barn and found her sitting on a box, with her eyes closed, her head leaning against the structure, smoking.

He remembered when he saw her smoking the day she got out of the hospital; he'd felt disappointed and let down. He hoped that she'd give up for her health's sake, then further thought that it wouldn't be very beneficial to her love life, but decided that ultimately it was her choice and her love life; not his.

Well he'd been both right and wrong. It was her choice, not his, and he'd had no reason to be disappointed, because she certainly hadn't owed him anything back then or now. When he'd gotten involved with Lois he already knew that she smoked, and it had never stopped him from loving her. He still wanted her to give up for the sake of her health, but although it was now his love life as well as hers, she was the only girl that he wanted to kiss, and he was never going to be stupid enough to walk away if she didn't quit. But he had to admit to finding it amusing, that the only time Lois smoked around him, was when Lana had mucked them about, last month while she was Jo and now.

Shaking his head, he smiled, sat on the box next to her and reaching out picked up her hand.

oOo

She'd just lifted the stick to her mouth, and taken another deep inhale when she felt her hand picked up and held in a much larger one. She exhaled the smoke in a lazy stream, opened her eyes and turned her head unsurprised to find a Clark with a smile on his face, sitting on the box beside hers. "Clark um…"

"I'm Smallville." He corrected, giving her hand a comforting squeeze before letting go "Lo, we all understand that it wasn't easy for you to talk about the dreams; but we don't think it's funny or that you're crazy; and we won't ever tell anyone else, I promise."

She searched his eyes and gave a minute head nod "Thanks, I'm just grateful that none of you are as closed minded as I am."

"You're not closed minded."

She let out a laugh of derision "The hell I'm not, if anyone had told me they'd been dreaming for years about a man with super powers, I'd be questioning their mental health."

He grinned and shook his head "Yeah but I think we've all lived in Smallville and experienced enough strange, odd and downright bizarre stuff to no longer be surprised by much really."

"So which do you think my nightmares fit into; strange, odd or bizarre?" She asked taking another drag of the cigarette.

"Oh I'd say you're dreams need to be classified in a category all alone; mystifying maybe?" He tapped his chin in playful consideration.

"God no, that makes me sound like I should be wearing a turban or even worse, being flaky enough to be searching for my chakra." She replied with such a look of horror on her face that he began to chuckle.

She felt her lips lift in a smile and knocking his arm with hers, began to laugh with him, and once the laughter died down, they sat in silence.

Now that he knew Lois was dreaming of their life, or at least some part of it, he wanted to know more so decided to try and find out a few more details. He knew that he was pushing it, but felt unable to just let it go, and hoped that if he was casual enough that she would respond in kind.

He cocked his head to the side and smiled "You said that you don't get the dreams every night right?" She nodded, took a last drag and stubbed out her cigarette "How often do you get them?"

She shrugged carelessly in return "Two, three times a week."

"And you said that your dream self loves him, correct?" She nodded slowly but with suspicion bright in her eyes "Are they together Lois?"

"Smallville I don't wanna talk about the dreams anymore, I think we've talked about them enough ok?"

He heard the firmness in her tone, saw the rigid set of her jaw and decided to back off "Sorry, I'm used to delving into mysteries, taking them apart to try and figure them out." When her face lightened, he knew that he'd made the right call, unwilling to drive her away just to satisfy his own curiosity. Scratching his cheek absently he grinned "I'm not sure if it's because I used to look into stuff with Chloe when we were kids, or if I've just gotten worse because I'm a reporter."

Her head titled, her eyes smiled "I can't imagine you being a reporter; then again I never imagined that I'd be one either. This is all Chloe's fault; she suckered us both in didn't she?"

"Mmm hmm, she was determined not to give up, and all but pushed us into helping her whenever we could."

Lois laughed lightly "Yeah that's Chlo; so where do you work?"

His grin widened "Guess?"

"Not the Planet?" She asked in disbelief, and at his nod shook her head "Am I a reporter in your world too?"

"Yep, and guess who your partner is?" He wiggled his brows, pointed to himself and enjoyed the way her mouth almost fell open.

"You!"

"Yep."

She snickered and shook her head once again "Now didn't I say that I'd probably end up being partnered with the most bumbling reporter on the masthead?"

"I'm not bumbling, you're lucky to have such a great partner."

"How'd I get so lucky?" She asked dryly.

"Fate." He returned snottily.

"Does fate have a return policy because I think I was swindled?"

He grinned and shook his head mockingly "Nope, no returns, refunds or cash back offers; you're stuck with me."

She sighed hugely in disappointment "Well isn't this nice, it sounds to me like fates just a total bitch."

He let out a surprised burst of laughter "God Lo, you never change, no matter what world I'm in."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." She replied haughtily but her eyes were alight with laughter.

"You do that." He grinned in return, standing when she patted him on the leg and got to her feet "Going somewhere?"

"Yeah back to the house, I'm feeling a bit chilly, and I'm still a bit tired so I'm thinking of having a nap until dinner time." He nodded and they began to walk back to the house in silence.

When they got to her car, Lois fished out the keys from her purse, opened the trunk but when she reached in to grab her suitcase, she was surprised to find another hand reaching in on top of hers.

"Let me get that for you Lo." Smallville replied to her unasked question.

"Thanks, I'll just get the basket from the back seat." He nodded pulled out the case and waited as she strode around to the car, clicked the button and when the doors unlocked pulled out the basket. However, when she spied her laptop sitting on the front seat she sighed, put the basket on the ground, opened the front passenger door, reached in and clutched the case handle then looked between the laptop in her hand to the basket on the ground.

"I'll take the laptop." Smallville held out his free hand and nodding she gave him the case, shut the car doors, clicked the button and once again bent down to pick up the basket. Knocking on the door with her foot once again, she was glad when it was swiftly pulled open and the basket was taken out of her hands by Clark.

"Thanks Clark, the damn things unwieldy not to mention heavy." She smiled gratefully, turning she thanked Smallville for bringing her things inside, then quickly pressed her hand against her mouth to stifle a huge yawn.

"Ok guys, you and Lana can divvy everything up to decide who gets what." Not giving them time to respond, she turned and smiled sleepily at the elder Kent "Martha do you mind if I go for a nap, I'm still really tired from last night, and can barely keep my eyes open now."

"Of course not dear; you and Chloe are sharing Clark's old room so go on up, and if you're not awake by dinner time I'll call you." Martha replied promptly.

"Thanks, I was going to offer to help with dinner but I don't think I'd be much use in the kitchen right now." She replied, yawing once again.

The two Clark's looked at each other and bit their lips.

"It's ok Lo, Martha and I already cooked some stuff and Lana's bringing something, so there'll be plenty." Chloe replied with an inward sigh of relief, she loved her cousin but decided that apart from everything else, they also had to think up ways to keep Lois from cooking. As far as Chloe was concerned, that was almost as important as everything else.

Nodding, Lois bent down to grab her case but found that Smallville had beaten her to the punch, and already had it hefted in his hand. At her lifted brow, his lips crooked up "I'll carry it upstairs for you Lo, you're starting to resemble a zombie and I have a feeling if you try to carry it, you'll more than likely come tumbling down the stairs."

She smiled sleepily in agreement "Yeah, I was tired before but now I just feel really exhausted, I'll see you all later." Following Smallville up the stairs, she thanked when he placed her case on the floor and once alone slipped off her shoes, took off her bra, pulled the bed covers back, slipped underneath, and was asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.

oOo

An hour later the four were sitting in the lounge room, resting and chatting quietly about nothing of significance. However, noticing that one of the men seemed pre-occupied and wanting to ensure that everything was ok, Chloe decided the best way to find out; was to simply ask.

"Smallville are you ok, you seem distracted?" Chloe asked concerned.

He pursed his lips, flushed and looking around noticing all eyes were fixed on him "Sorry Chloe, I've been checking on Lois. I know that she's probably just tired from her night out, but she seemed to become exhausted really fast, so I just want to make sure that she's ok."

"Why, do you think Lana's done something?" Chloe sat forward and clamped her hand around his arm, feeling panic well up inside.

He quickly shook his head hoping to stop her from distressing herself "No Chloe, I really do think she's just tired, but after the events last month I'm just more cautious this time." He replied patting her hand.

She nodded in relief and let go of his arm "God don't do that to me, you really scared me for a minute."

"Sorry Chlo.' He smiled in apology and had just about to reassure her further, when he was stopped by Clark's voice.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Clark asked softly.

Martha looked between her two son's "Honey are you sure that everything's ok?"

Chloe's eyes swung to her face, and finding herself the centre of attention Martha tried to smooth out her forehead, but could feel it wrinkle in worry regardless "Martha?" Chloe questioned.

"I'm sorry dear, I don't mean to scare any of you, and I didn't think anything was wrong before you mentioned it; there may not be anything wrong now, but..."

"But what mom?" Smallville urged quietly.

"You said that Lois is just sleeping..." He nodded slowly and could feel the apprehension in his stomach at the apology in his mom's voice "...but that was what was wrong with her eight years ago, so how do we know..." She trailed off at the look of fear on each face and tried to quickly amend "I'm sure that she's just tired. She was out for most of the night, and had to get up early for the plane this morning, because she still had the three hour drive to get here when her plane landed in Metropolis; so I'm sure that she's fine and we're all just a little more jumpy than usual that's all."

They nodded but Smallville stood up anyway "I know how to wake Lo up enough to get a response without waking her up properly, so I'm going to check."

He walked up stairs, opened the door quietly, and slipping inside the room found her curled up fast asleep. Seeing her lying there reminded him that less than a week ago, they had come to spend Christmas at the farm with his mom, and had been so tired they had come up here for a nap. Less than a week ago, they had been curled up together on his bed and he'd had the right to hold her, sleep beside her, now he had none of that; and his heart hurt all the more at everything he'd lost.

Shaking it off, he stepped quietly over to the bed, sat down on the edge and lightly smoothed the hair away from her brow "Lois, Lo wake up?" He said softly.

When she nodded, pressed her head harder into the pillow and scrunched the blankets closer against herself he smiled. She was ok, just tired and he felt some of the heaviness in his heart lift. He wanted to stay but couldn't, firstly she wouldn't appreciate it, and secondly he had a room full of concerned people waiting downstairs. He bent and pressed his lips softly against the side of her head, smoothed her hair one last time, stood up and slipped out of the room as quietly as he'd entered it.

"She's fine, just asleep." He smiled and was rewarded with three relieved faces looking back at him. He'd no sooner re-taken his seat than Chloe's voice dropped like a bombshell into the room.

"Clark it's almost 5.30, wasn't Lana supposed to be here already?"

He nodded "Yeah, she said that she'd be here around 5." He pulled out his cell phone and after a quick conversation hung up "She got held up at work but will be here soon. I know it's stupid but I can't help being suspicious about everything now, even just hearing her say that she's running behind."

"It's not stupid Clark; it's smart to be cautious." Smallville put in firmly to which the ladies both agreed.

"Um, I know this is a ridiculous question, but are you guys going to be ok when she gets here?" Chloe asked apologetically.

The men looked at each other and saw the swirling emotion in each other's eyes, then each firmed their chins and nodded "We're going to be fine Chloe, it's not going to be easy but we have to pretend that we don't know any better and we will." Clark replied in an undertone.

Martha reached out and clasped a hand of each son "Sweeties, we know this is going to be hard on you both, and we don't blame you for being angry and resentful; not at all, but just remember that you need to stay calm for both yourselves and Lois."

Smallville nodded and after giving his hand a squeeze she let go, but hearing the hesitation in Clark's voice all eyes swung to him; and turning Martha gave him her full attention.

"I know mom, I just..."

"Just what honey?" Martha asked quietly.

He closed his eyes tight, and rubbed a hand over his thigh displaying his inner agitation, opening his eyes he gave a melancholy smile to all present "I not only have to pretend with Lana when she arrives, but when we go home as well."

Smallville swore quietly under his breath, Chloe drew in a sharp breath and Martha's eyes widened "Oh Clark, I'm sorry honey I didn't even think of that."

He smiled and tried to pass it off as casually as possible "I've been trying not to think of it." He squeezed her hand and let go "It's ok, I'm used to pretending with Lana so this won't be any different; I just hate the idea of sleeping next to her knowing..."

"Clark." Looking into his mom's face he saw tenacious resolution and appreciated it; he couldn't take pity "This won't be for long and just remember, Lana really might not have any idea of what her older counterpart did. Just think of it like that, think of it anyway you have to just to get through it ok."

He nodded firmly, grateful that his mom knew him well enough to know that it wasn't time to give him sympathetic speeches or soft words, but one that was firm enough to give him the fortitude to get through. "Thanks mom, I will."

Seeing the same looks of steadfastness cast at him from both Chloe and his twin, he inclined his head in thanks, feeling inordinately blessed that he'd had parents, and a friend who knew and loved him so well.

"Just remember that one of the first things we have to tell Lana is not to say anything to Lois about your powers. Either you'll tell Lo that you're Superman when you think she's ready to hear it, or you won't tell her at all, but you don't want Lois to find out from Lana; either purposely or inadvertently." Chloe cautioned looking at the men.

They both nodded but it was Clark that replied "We know Chlo, I think the tale we decided on earlier should do the trick; we all just have to make sure that we're believable and don't overplay it. One thing I've learnt from 8 years of marriage to Lana; is that she's suspicious about everything. It's only when she feels that she's gotten all the answers that she relaxes."

"Yeah but we also have to make sure that Lois doesn't get suspicious either; the fact is we can't afford to let our guard down because we'll be playing two different games with both of them." Smallville ran a hand around the back of his neck and sighed "It would be easier if we could just tell Lo the truth, but..."

Martha once again reached forward, and put a hand on each man's knee "Sweetie we can't, I don't think she'd appreciate being told that you know better than she does, what her life should be like."

"I know mom, I just want this over with."

"It will be honey."

Chloe's lips tilted in satisfaction "At least this time we have an ace in the hole; this time we have Clark. He knows Lana better than all of us; so he'll know if she's suspicious or up to something."

"Yeah, but that works both ways Chlo, she knows him as well." Smallville reminded her.

She nodded but her smile grew wider "True, but from what you told us about last month, none of us even suspected that Lana was responsible, so even though she might still be able to fool all of us; she won't be able to dupe Clark. He's no longer infatuated, so his rose coloured glasses are gone, he's not like you last month, seeing her through the eyes of an old friend, and now that he knows that she, or older self changed his life to suit herself, he won't be looking at her with guilt goggles of a man who's in love with a woman not his wife. They've been married for 8 years, there's very little he wouldn't know about her."

They all nodded and their smiles grew to match hers, she turned and addressed the man in question "You actually have two aces Clark; not only do you know Lana, but you also have memories of your life as Superman; which means that you've learnt the art of being misleading when you need to be." When he frowned she explained further "All you have to do is tap into your memories of being Superman because when you were in that persona, you literally hid from the world that you were Clark Kent; so just use it in a similar way when dealing with Lana. That way you can judge her sincerity without her seeing yours."

His face brightened and he nodded in understanding "I will Chloe, thanks."

She grimaced apologetically and held up a finger "One more thing; and I probably don't need to tell you this given the circumstances, but don't overplay your role. Don't suddenly become loving and goo goo with her, because that will just have the red flags going straight up."

"That won't be a problem." He replied in a hard voice then closed his eyes and held up a hand to stay any comments. He blew out a deep breath and opened his eyes to find everyone looking at him in concern "Yes I'm still angry as hell, but as I said before, I've been pretending with Lana for years. If I have to keep playing the role for a few more days to get my life back, then I'll do it; I'll do anything because I also want it over."

"The good thing is that once it's fixed, it will all be reversed as if the past 8 years have never happened; that's a hell of an incentive." Smallville quirked his lips at his twin and received a heartfelt nod in return.

When they heard the car pull up outside, Smallville turned his head, looked through the walls, to the front driveway, and swung back around "Lana's here, so I guess it's showtime."

They all shared one last look of unity, and turned back to the TV pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary, and when the kitchen door opened, they turned around and returned Lana's greeting. Clark stood up, strode over, took the dish out of her hand and put it on the island before pecking her cheek, and leading her over to join the rest of the company.

oOo

Upon arriving home Lana made straight for the kitchen, pulled on an apron and began preparations. All day she'd managed to keep herself busy in an effort not to think about her husband's double and Lois being at the farm, but now that the moment of truth was finally upon her, she found that her stomach had begun to pitch and roll at the coming meeting.

Her hands automatically reached into the fridge and cupboards, pulling out bowls and ingredients for cooking while her mind stewed.

She honestly had no idea why this man, this twin of Clark's scared her but he did, and the last thing she wanted to do was go to the farm and sit down for dinner with both him and Lois at the same table, but if she didn't then it would definitely be commented upon. The only thing that could save her was a genuine emergency, and as she worked for a Real Estate office in a small town, emergencies were in short supply.

Clark had said his twin wasn't married to her counterpart in his world, but he hadn't said and she hadn't asked if he was in a relationship with Lois. That was something she hoped wasn't true, because if it was, then she had the feeling her husband's restlessness would be even worse than it had been previously.

Shaking it off she made up the casserole, set the stove on low and walked to the bedroom into the bathroom for a quick shower and change of clothes before making her way back to the kitchen once again. Checking the casserole, she gave it another stir then sat at the table.

Ok, so another man who just happened to be her husband's double was here, as was Lois, big deal. Clark was married to her, Lois was with Oliver, and her husband's double would hopefully be going home soon.

She was working herself up over nothing, she'd been worried that Clark would look at his twin and maybe envy his carefree life or his relationship with Lois, whichever the case maybe. But for all she knew, the man could still love the Lana in his world and was bitterly sorry they weren't together, which could actually be a good thing. It might be just what her husband needed to realise how lucky they were. Either way, there was no use borrowing trouble and getting herself worked up, before she'd even joined everyone at the farm and found out what she was dealing with.

When the phone rang, she stepped over to answer it and after a few minutes conversation with her husband felt even better. Clark had been inattentive to her on occasion but he'd never been thoughtlessly cruel. He'd always insisted on dropping her off and picking her up when she had a night class, and if she was late he'd always called to ensure that everything was alright. So just having him call to find out if anything was wrong because she hadn't arrived yet, lifted her spirits and made her feel better for the first time all day. Lois was there, but she hadn't completely captured his attention because he'd still called his wife concerned about her whereabouts. She felt her heart warm with the hope that maybe this time, her husband's infatuation for the other woman was dying at last.

Going back to the stove, she checked the contents on the pot, and after one last stir, turned off the stove and retrieved a dish ample enough to put the casserole in, before leaving the house.

Driving to the farm, she switched on the player, turned the music to low, and drove sedately, enjoying the crisp cool air. Lois was hopefully a fast dying flame in her husband's affections, and as there was no point in worrying about Clark's twin until she knew that she had anything to worry about, she determined to enjoy the evening with her friends and family.

Pulling up outside the farm house, she pressed a hand against her stomach when the butterflies started again, and after blowing out a deep breath, snagged her purse, grasped the dish, stepped out of the car, and walked to the house, opening the back door and stepping inside the kitchen. She'd no sooner stepped inside then everyone turned to smile at her, and detecting nothing but pleasure that she had at last joined them, she called out a general hello to the room. She smiled at her husband when he came over, took the dish from her hands, and placed it on the island, pecked her on the cheek and led her into the room to meet his twin.

"Well considering this man is my double, I don't think that formalities are necessary, but Lana this is my twin, Smallville." Clark introduced with a smile.

She looked between her husband, and the man who had risen to his feet "Smallville?"

"Yeah, we figured it was necessary to differentiate between us, because every time someone called out for Clark, we both kept answering."

She smiled at her husband, then turned once again to greet their visitor "Oh, well then it's nice to meet you Smallville, but it does seem odd being introduced." She held out her hand, and felt it almost swallowed up in a much larger one.

"I agree so let's forget the formalities." He quipped causing her smile to grow.

Turning she wished her mother in law, before hugging Chloe. Once all the greetings were done, she looked around and addressed the room in general "Is that Lois' car outside?"

"Yeah she's upstairs sleeping; she was out late last night so she's making up for her lack of sleep now."

She nodded then turned at Martha's voice "Lana dear would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Thanks Martha but as I'm already up I can get it, would anyone else like a cup?" At the nods all around the room she moved back into the kitchen, put the kettle on, and made up a tray with the milk, sugar, mugs and spoons. Looking at them from under her lashes, she noticed that everyone's attention seemed to be on the TV rather than her, and felt her stomach unclench slightly. Carrying the tray back to the lounge room, she set it on the coffee table and nodded at the thanks thrown her way, and went back into the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. There were no suspicious looks being exchanged, none being cast at her, and not feeling any kind heavy atmosphere in the air, she felt the last of her nervousness drain away.

When the kettle boiled she made a pot of coffee, carried it to the lounge room, and placed it on the large coaster that was set beside the tray on the coffee table.

Once coffee was duly poured and handed around, she took a seat on the couch beside her husband, but sat forward to be able to see and converse with everyone. "When Clark left this morning, he still didn't know what had brought you to our world; have you found out anything?" She asked Smallville curiously.

The TV was switched off but seeing the downcast expressions and the head shakes all round, she figured their efforts at resolving things hadn't been successful "By the look on everyone's face I'm guessing the answers no?"

"Yeah, I even went to the fortress to see if Jor-el could point me in the right direction, but came up empty there as well." Smallville shrugged disconsolately.

"I'm sorry, but with Chloe helping I'm sure that you'll figure it out, after all this is the kind of stuff the two of you used to look into all the time." She readily replied.

"Well not quite." Chloe corrected amiably "We used to look into the weird and the downright bizarre, but this one's a bit out of my league."

She grinned in reply and nodded then turned to Clark when he spoke.

"Um, Lana we told Lois that Smallville and I aren't from here; but we didn't tell her about our powers or anything else, so please don't say anything to her ok?"

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion "Ok, but why did you tell her that, if you're not going to tell her the rest?"

"We were ready to, but she didn't seem interested." Smallville replied dryly "We were worried about how she'd take it and she didn't care; so as Lois never asked any questions we were quite happy to let it go as well." He looked over and addressed his twin "I don't know about you, but I actually appreciated not feeling like a dog showing off new tricks."

Clark bobbed his head in agreement "Yeah me too, and thanks for the analogy."

"Hey it's appropriate." He replied simply.

Lana's frown grew deeper in question "Lois never asked any questions, she didn't want to know any details?"

"Nope, she seemed more interested in finding out that alternate realities existed." Chloe's lips lifted in a small smile "It makes sense really; years ago finding out Clark was an alien would have been big news, but the JLA have been around for a while now, and everyone knows that most of them are aliens with some kind of powers, so more than likely that's why Lo wasn't curious about the Clark's at all."

"But you'd think being his friend that she'd want to know some of the details."

Chloe shook her head "Not Lo, unlike you and me she was never intensely curious about Clark, and this time was no different. She's interviewed members of the JLA a number of times, and she knows they're good guys and that's all that matters to her."

Lana shook her head slightly in disagreement "Yeah but she's not friends with the JLA like she is with Clark."

Chloe smiled at that. She was aware Lana had no idea that Oliver was in the league, nor who the players real identities were, but decided it was time to correct Lana's erroneous impression, and hopefully put the matter to rest once and for all "Actually she is friends with them, some more than others, but there's also a two way trust that's been built between Lois and the JLA. I know that she's told them that as long as they don't get overinflated with their own importance, then she was glad they were here to help. But if they ever tried to take over, then it would be time for someone to step in and police the police." She gave a slight chortle "She told me they were dumbfounded at first but ended up laughing and agreed; I think they just respected her honesty."

The men looked at each other and grinned, Lana and Martha smiled.

"You have to appreciate someone who lays it straight on the line." Martha put in quietly.

"Yeah well that's Lois; she's always been pretty candid." Smallville put in and felt his heart warm. Before everything had changed he'd been there as Superman when Lois had told the JLA just that. They had all looked at each other completely stumped for a few seconds before roaring with laughter. He'd been damn proud that his beloved had never let her love for him, keep her from speaking out the truth.

Clark snorted indelicately "Just think mom, for years I was scared to tell my friends the truth about me, but thanks to the JLA, I've been reduced to nothing more than a stereotype in Lois' eyes."

Chloe stifled a chuckle and nodded "Yeah, just another alien who's been displaced and made earth their home."

"I don't know about you brother, but I think I'm a little insulted." Smallville turned and addressed his twin, but it was his mom who spoke.

"Don't worry sweeties, didn't I always say that you were special, well obviously I was wrong because you're not that special..." She turned and grinned at Chloe's muffled grunt "...but you are the first alien that I've heard off who's here from parallel universe; so in a way you're still unique." She finished with a straight face, but her voice betrayed her mirth.

"Not quite Martha, unique means there's only one, but now that there are two Clark's, they're nothing but a cliché." Chloe giggled and quickly pressed a hand against her mouth.

Seeing the affronted look on the men's faces, the three women began to laugh, and once the amusement died down Lana promised to not say anything then turned to her husband's twin "So Smallville, can you tell me what's different between this world and yours."

She listened to the account of his life, amazed at the differences between him and Clark and when he finished, cocked her head to the side and smiled impishly "So you're a reporter at the Planet with Chloe and Lois, and Lois is your partner?" He nodded "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, I've been too busy carving out a career to worry about relationships; romantic one's I mean. Besides mom, Chloe and Lois are the women that I'm closest to, but they're just friends."

"You're not with Lois romantically?" She pressed delicately.

His eyebrows rose in surprise "No." He sipped his coffee and cocked his head in query "Why would you think that I'd be with Lois?"

She shrugged in pretended unconcern "Sorry, it's just that I just remember when you first met Lois, you told me that you couldn't stand her, and I told you 'the best one's always start that way.' So when Clark told me that you weren't married to the Lana in your world, I wondered if you were with Lois."

"Sorry Lana, but you called that one wrong, I would never be interested in Lois romantically; she's not my type." He replied in a tone that was both blasé but inflexible; then inwardly swore at the voice behind him.

"Damn Clark but that's cold; all afternoon I've been wondering how to tell you that you bring out the fiery beast of desire in me, and now I find out that you're not even interested." Lois announced dryly walking into the room. Chloe and Martha stifled their snorts of laughter when the men shot them a look, but had to bite their lips to suppress their mirth when they realised that Lois wasn't quite finished. She stepped over, slapped Smallville lightly on the shoulder and sighed theatrically "Well I guess that I'll just have to take my shattered heart and make do with Oliver. It'll be hard and I'll probably go into a decline, but don't you worry about me, I have a strong constitution so I'm sure to pull through."

She looked between the two men, waiting for and expecting one of them to give her a smart ass answer in reply, but when all she received in return was a weak smile from Clark and a red face from Smallville; she gave a disappointed pout and turned to greet the newest member to the group "Hi Lana."

"Hi Lois, um that was Smallville that spoke though not Clark." She quickly corrected, but the quiver in her voice betrayed her mirth.

"Clark, Smallville a rose by any other name." Lois waved airily walking into the kitchen to retrieve a cup before returning to the lounge, and helping self to some coffee "They used to be able to give me back as good as they got; but they've either lost their edge, or their sense of humour." She once again looked at the men expectantly, hoping they'd take her opening, but when neither did she huffed "Pshaw, you're no fun." Giving up she turned and addressed the room in general "How long was I asleep?"

"About 90 minutes Lo; was it the smell of coffee that woke you up?" Chloe asked with lifted brow.

"The phone, I forgot to turn stupid thing off, I tried to go back to sleep but heard voices so decided to give it up." She took a seat on the arm of her cousin's chair and smiled at Lana "How long have you been here?"

"About 30 minutes." Lana replied then spying the ring on Lois finger reached over and picked up her hand "Congratulations, I'm guessing that you and Oliver are engaged." As Lois was in the midst of sipping coffee she waved her free hand signifying 'yes'. "That's wonderful Lois, when did it happen?" Turning to the rest of the crowd she narrowed her eyes teasingly "And why didn't any of you tell me about it?"

"Sorry Lana, we forgot to mention it because Smallville hogged the conversation telling you about his world." Chloe informed her.

She moved Lois' hand this way and that studying the ring "It's a beautiful ring Lois, when did it happen?"

"A couple of days ago" Lois smiled in answer then turned to Smallville "Unlike some people, Oliver thinks I'm a really good catch so there." She finished by sticking out her tongue, but her eyes twinkled in amusement and when he blushed, the grin on her face widened.

"I didn't mean..." He began weakly only to be cut off.

"Hey I'm just joshing you." She gurgled out a laugh.

"But I don't want you to think that you're not attractive or..." He trailed off and once again inwardly swore.

Lois held up her hand when he ran out of words "Oh stop please, you're making me blush." She turned to wink at Chloe and Martha, found them looking at him with sympathy saw the same on Clark's face and rolled her eyes "You guys really need to lighten up." She turned to look at the man in question before once again turning to address everyone in the room "Smallville I wasn't offended, so all of you can stop looking at him like he's a lost little boy whose trying to get his foot out of his mouth, ok?"

They all nodded and smiled pathetically, and heaving a huge sigh she just shook her head in resignation.

"So when are you and Oliver going to get married?" Lana asked curiously.

"Who knows, we've just gotten engaged" She replied carelessly "And yes we'll be having a party and yes you'll all be invited." She smiled at Clark "I'll make sure that your invite gets sent by courier, so it's not lost in the mail like the one to Oliver's party, and you won't feel snubbed." She teasingly grinned.

Clark crooked his lips, and after clearing her throat softly Lana confessed "Actually Lois the invitation did turn up, it was just a little late."

She rolled her eyes and sighed "Typical post office, well I'm letting you know now that you will be invited, so if your mom's invitation arrives and yours doesn't, just pretend like it has and let me know if you're coming, ok?"

"We will thanks." Lana replied quietly after sharing a quick look with her husband.

"No problem; but if you say that you're not coming, I'll be on the phone wanting to know why, so you'd better have a good excuse ready." She turned to the second Clark and addressed him next "Smallville."At his lifted brows "If you're still here when we have it, you'll be invited too."

"Hopefully I'll be back in my own world by then." He replied promptly.

"Yeah but if you're not, don't worry that I'll leave you sitting here like Cinderella not invited to the ball." She grinned swiftly "You can either bring a date or can come stag, and make a few of my friends happy that there's a good looking single twin they can get to know better."

He pressed his lips together and let them curve into a sarcastic smile "Gee thanks Lois, that's just what I've always dreamed of being; fresh meat for a bunch of single women."

"Good." She replied rapidly.

"I was being sarcastic." He said dryly.

"I was ignoring it." She replied in the same manner.

"And what if I don't want to make some woman happy?" He countered back amused.

"Then you can take a few of the single men out for a whirl on the dance floor?" She replied tongue in cheek.

Enjoying the banter between the two, but deciding to help out her son Martha intervened "Would you like some help with the preparations for the party dear?"

"Martha you know it's dangerous to offer me any kind of help, I'm absolutely shameless and won't hesitate to take you up on it." Lois replied without a hint of embarrassment; and when the men and Chloe began to hoot in agreement, she sniffed disparagingly and roundly ignored them.

"I don't mind, now that I'm just Martha Kent again as opposed to Senator, I'll have the time and will be happy to help."

"Thanks, I was just going to do what I did with Ollie's party, but I wouldn't mind the help. I'll let you know when we've arranged a date and then we can get together." She smiled in thanks at the older woman for her offer.

"Where will you have it Lo, Metropolis or Star City?"

"I have no idea Chlo, I'll think about it later."

"You can't wait too long Lois; now that you're engaged I mean." Lana put in softly.

"I know but I can't be bothered with it right now, I'm still getting over Christmas."

"How long do you think it'll be before you get married?" She asked cocking her head to the side in polite enquiry.

"I haven't even thought about it."

"But you can't just be engaged forever. Do you think you'll get married sometime in the coming year?" She pressed lightly.

"Doubtful, it probably won't be for at least a year or more; let me get through the engagement first." Lois laughed, holding up her hand to stall any further questions.

"But..."

"Lana dear, Lois will know when she's ready to get married." Martha put in quietly but firmly.

Lana grimaced in apology "Sorry Lois, I don't mean to push. It's just that weddings are so exciting, and I suppose after eloping myself I just can't imagine wanting to wait any longer than necessary."

"That's ok, but it's really just a formality, Ollie and I are already living together anyway so..." Lois smiled and shrugged.

Lana smiled in return "Well I'll be happy to help with the preparations if you'd like."

Lois nodded "Thanks, I might just take you up on that, now that Martha's fallen prey to my wiles I've got her helping, Chloe doesn't get any choice but to help..." She turned and grinned at her cousin before addressing the room in general "...so with the three of you doing everything, I can just sit around like Lady Muck and eat bonbons."

Everyone grinned at the image she'd presented and then the room grew quiet as all settled back to enjoy their coffee; but although their mouths were silent, each mind was racing.

oOo

Lana felt more than a little satisfied that at last Lois was engaged to Oliver. She hoped the wedding wasn't as far off as a year or more away, and wondered if she should get out her spell book and try to find a way to nudge Lois into bringing the date forward. She'd promised herself to never use magic on Clark, but she'd made no such promise about Lois. She'd look into it and keep it as a standby, but if it wasn't needed or didn't pan out, just knowing the woman was engaged made her feel better.

She didn't feel bad asking Lois about her engagement, although she'd tried to make herself believe that Clark's infatuation for the women was dwindling, she knew that it hadn't. Hopefully one day he would once again be indifferent to Lois as he had been years earlier, but right now he was still clearly susceptible, and she'd known it as soon as Lois had walked into the room. However, if the only way she could fight to save her marriage was by reminding her husband that Lois was with Oliver, then she considered it fair play.

While they'd been talking about the engagement she'd noticed that Clark had remained silent, and had casually watched him. She saw his hand clench slightly around the coffee cup, saw the tightening of his jaw and way he'd tried to mask the sadness he felt, but she knew that he was upset knowing that Lois was at last out of his reach, and would soon be tied permanently to another. No matter how hard he tried to pretend otherwise, she knew; and although one part of her heart was glad that Lois was now engaged, the other part hurt at knowing her husband was miserable about it. But she couldn't stop the flicker of hope in her heart, that this could be the best thing that could have happened. Hopefully, it would give Clark some closure, and be the one thing that would turn his love back to her.

She also felt infinitely relieved that Smallville wasn't romantically interested in Lois. She'd worried and stewed thinking that if he was, Clark would become jealous, and knowing that his twin didn't want Lois, had made her feel free. She'd never regretted changing their past, but now also felt vindicated knowing that she HAD saved Clark from marrying the wrong woman. After all the two men were almost the same man, and if one didn't want Lois then the other would soon find that being tied to her would have been a mistake as well.

She'd actually felt sorry for Smallville when he'd been momentarily horrified at knowing that Lois had overhead him earlier. She knew how embarrassing it was to be caught speaking out of turn; but when Lois had swiftly let him know that she was indifferent to his feelings, she had to admit to finding the situation amusing, but had still felt sorry for his discomfiture.

Ever since Clark had told her about his double being here and then surprised her with the news of Lois arriving, she'd felt anxious and almost sick. However, after meeting their guest, and finding out that Lois was soon to be married, she felt the last of her inner agitation melt away, and for the first time in a long time felt at peace.

oOo

Smallville was still inwardly cursing himself for his earlier gaffe; on the one hand he was glad Lana believed that he wasn't romantically interested in Lois, on the other he'd done himself no end of good, considering Lois had heard him. He mentally gnashed his teeth at the appalling timing; and vowed that from now on he'd stay vigilant of both women's whereabouts to ensure he didn't screw up again. He'd have to worry about how he could get his foot out of his mouth with Lois later; right now he had to stay focused.

He certainly hoped the conversation about Lois' engagement was at an end. He didn't know for certain but suspected the reason Lana had been so persistent in her questions, wasn't out of girly curiosity about all things engagement, but to pointedly remind her husband that Lois belonged to someone else. He could be unwarrantedly suspicious but just as Clark had been earlier, he had to concede that it was hard not to question everything Lana said and did all things considered.

It hadn't been easy talking to Lana so casually when she arrived, when she asked about his life, and had to keep reminding himself that playing the game for a few days was worth it, if the end result was getting his life back. But listening to her trying to push Lois into getting married sooner rather than later had made his temper ratch up, and his misery at the whole situation more acute. He'd almost chewed his tongue off in an effort not to tell her to shut the hell up, and was certainly glad his mom had done it, politely yes, but she'd done it just the same and he was grateful.

oOo

Clark felt torn in three directions at once; he felt sorry for his twin knowing the man would be kicking himself for his earlier blunder, at the same time, he felt like giving his twin a good hard kick himself, considering Lois was likely to put both of them under the same umbrella, assuming that just as one man wouldn't be interested in her, the other would feel likewise. Then of course came his wife; he knew that Lana was well aware of his feelings for Lois, but was glad that she'd obviously bought the load his twin had spread about not being interested in her.

He was almost certain the only reason Lana had been so interested in Lois' engagement party, was to ensure that he got the message that Lois loved Oliver. Well she'd accomplished her goal because he felt like shit, so he hoped like hell that she didn't start talking about all things engagement again. It would be rude to try and change the subject, after all engagements were happy occasions, and most women tended to squeal at the sight of a ring on a friends finger. Once they stopped jumping up and down they then seemed to become abundantly curious about all the details, which was when men tended to withdraw to go and talk about important things, like monster truck rallies. But considering Lois and Oliver were his friends, and he was a nice guy, he'd have to play the game and pretend an interest as well.

Now if it was his engagement to Lois he'd enjoy talking about it, ok he'd initially bask in the congratulations but he wouldn't be interested in all the girly details. However, if the conversation did start up again, and got down to the serious business of choosing between having red balloons with the happy couple's picture on them, or just coloured balloons, then politeness be damned, he was so out of there and had a feeling his twin would be hard on his heels.

oOo

Chloe didn't bother wasting time being suspicious, or giving Lana the benefit of the doubt. She flat out believed that Lana's motives for talking about Lois' engagement, had nothing to do with being insatiably inquisitive about engagement and wedding details, but to ensure that Clark understood that not only was Lois forever out of his reach, but she was very happy with Oliver.

She hadn't missed the way Lana had questioned Smallville about his relationship with Lois, and had to admit that he'd played it perfectly. If she hadn't known any better, just his face and tone of voice, would have been enough for her to believe that he really felt nothing but friendship towards her cousin. Unfortunately the fact that Lois had overheard him wasn't good, and although he hadn't intended to tell her cousin about their relationship, she knew that his earlier faux pas would be chafing at him all the same. He'd looked like someone had belted him over the head with a two by four earlier, and didn't look much better now.

Knowing what he was like, she decided that she'd better have a quiet word and remind him that the axiom _least said soonest mended_, was true. He would try to explain himself to Lois, and she didn't doubt that he'd also make a right mess of it unless she could head him off at the pass.

oOo

Martha thought that all in all, things could be worse. She knew it hadn't been easy for her sons listening to talk of the engagement party, but they'd come through it ok, and that was what mattered.

She didn't think that talk of the engagement was at an end either, and although she believed Lana's motives for bringing it up were self serving, her daughter in law had made her realise that she couldn't ignore talking to Lois about her engagement either.

It was only natural when a friend was engaged to want to talk about it, and as she loved Lois like a daughter, deliberately avoiding the subject would be hurtful, and not something that she could support nor one that she believed her boys would want her to.

They were hurting, but they loved Lois and wouldn't do anything that could intentionally hurt her. It was just unfortunate that Lois was in the dark on the true state of affairs, and was also unaware of the undercurrents of the games that everyone, but she was playing.

oOo

Lois looked down at her ring and smiled, she couldn't believe that she actually engaged but it felt right. She liked her ring, it was beautiful but every time she looked at it, she couldn't help the feeling that something was awry. She moved her hand this way and that, and closed her eyes in mortification before opening them to stare at the mantel. The goddamned dreams; fuck!

What the hell was wrong with her? She was letting a dream man's anger and hurt get to her. She'd thought that maybe the night she got engaged to Ollie, she'd only dreamt that Kal was angry because in some way she was subconsciously frightened of making the commitment, but she wasn't. If she'd had any doubts she never would have accepted, yet obviously she must still be feeling apprehensive. Almost automatically she mentally slapped her face, it was no wonder she felt apprehensive, guilt would certainly do that you. Maybe once she spoke to Oliver everything would be alright and more than likely that was her whole problem. The dreams had become more intense the longer she was with Oliver, so of course dreaming about someone, whether they were real or not just had left her feeling guilty and the longer she hadn't told Oliver, the worse she'd felt.

Maybe Kal was just the different parts of her subconscious. When she wasn't with anyone, he was just a fantasy guy, more than likely a man that she'd seen in a movie that she'd taken a shine too. No one well known, just a background player that had caught her eye, causing her to dream about him when she was lonely. The Superman part was easy enough to understand, who didn't love a hero; any woman would choose to make the guy she was dreaming about a hero, rather than a selfish turd. When she began to date Ollie, Kal played the role of soothsayer, giving her warnings not jump in with both feet, to be careful and cautious before giving her heart. And now that she was engaged, he was the part of her that was nervous about making a lifetime commitment, especially when she hadn't even told her fiancé about the dreams.

Snorting internally, she mentally ridiculed herself. How the hell could he be a damned soothsayer or anything else, she was having sex with him in her dreams. Oh screw it; screw Kal and Superman and everything, she was sick of the bloody dreams, and determinedly pushed them from her mind.

She looked around the room and smiled at seeing the two Clark's sitting on the couch, both of them obviously lost in thought, her eyes bounced to Lana then over to Chloe and Martha. It was nice being here but a little odd as well.

She still didn't understand why everyone wanted to keep Lana in the dark about what her other self could have done. If Smallville really wanted to go home then Lana was more than likely his best bet. At least by asking they'd know whether she could help them or not, but they'd asked her not to say anything so she wouldn't. Well she wouldn't say anything outright, but as the saying went _there was more than one way to skin a cat_, so maybe she could ask Lana in a way that wouldn't hurt her feelings, nor piss everyone off.

It seemed that in some ways Lana had changed a lot over the last few years, and in others she was still very much the same. Admittedly she didn't see the Kent's often, but she could truthfully say that when she had seen them, Lana didn't appear to jerk her husband around like she did before they were married, which she was pleased about for Clark's sake.

But when it came to her, she wasn't sure where she stood with the woman from one meeting to the next. However, considering Lana was more like an acquaintance than a friend, and not one that she'd ever been overly fond off, she hadn't cared enough to waste any time thinking about it.

When she first came back after travelling, Lana had been almost sullen; she supposed the woman could still have been resentful about what she'd had to say about their behaviour when they got married, and if that was the problem, then tough luck. When she'd come for a second visit Lana had been almost animated. She'd not only enjoyed listening to the tales that Oliver and she had shared about their previous relationship, she'd been friendly and welcoming.

The next time she'd seen her was at Oliver's birthday party and she'd gotten the feeling that Lana wasn't having a good time, and further wasn't all that happy to see her again, but today Lana seemed almost overjoyed at finding out she was engaged. Granted this was normal at seeing a ring, but considering that she was pretty sure Lana didn't like her, then why the hell the woman would care about when she was intending to marry Oliver she couldn't figure out.

Lana was obviously still as moody as she had been years earlier, but instead of now taking her mood swings out on Clark; it seemed that she was the lucky recipient. Well as she'd never given a damn about what particular bee was in Lana's bonnet on any given day, and as she didn't spend much time with the woman anyways, she wasn't going to start worrying about it now, and internally shrugged it off.


	19. Chapter 19

Hello, it's been a couple of months since this was updated, so hopefully people remember where the story let off.

TIBP906, I told you that I'd update this story and I meant to do so 2 weeks ago, but then I got caught up with other stuff and kept forgetting, so I apologise.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 19**

Placing her empty cup on the coffee table, Lois patted her pocket then stood "Ok, well I'm just going outside for a walk, so I'll see you all in a bit ok?"

"Lois."

She turned back at the call of her name "If you're going for a walk to have a cigarette, why don't you just have it on the porch, it's pretty cold out."

Her lips tilted in a half smile "Actually I really was going for a walk...ok yes it was so that I could have a cigarette." She tacked on at his lifted brows then tilted her head enquiringly "How'd you know?"

"You gave yourself away by patting your pocket to make sure the smokes were there, and as the Lois in my world does the same thing, I just thought that I'd save you the sneaking around for now." Smallvile replied with twitching lips.

She shook her head in gentle scorn and informed him loftily "Don't you know anything; it's the sneaking around that gives it the extra thrill."

His smile grew and his eyes danced "Oh I see, well I'll have to remember that the next time I see my Lois huddling under whatever shelter she can find to escape the rain, just so that she can have a cigarette."

At the muffled laughter around the room Lois turned and gave everyone the fish eye "Shut up!" Then turned back to Smallville and grinned "It gives me some comfort knowing that no matter what universe, Clark Kent will always be a pain in the ass."

He inclined his head in acknowledgement as his grin widened perceptibly "Thank you; I believe I said similar about you earlier."

Lois gave a small gurgle of laughter, waved her hand in defeat and swung around making her way towards the door again, but once again spun back at his call.

"Hang on Lo, I'll come with you." He placed his empty cup on the coffee table and stood.

"Me too." Chloe nodded and stood up likewise.

"I might as well join you." Clark announced before getting to his feet "You coming Lana?" She nodded and stood as well.

Lois looked between the four of them and shook her head "What is this, none of you smoke, or have all of you been holding out on me?"

"Nah, but we might as well keep you company."

"Martha, you coming, this seems to be a communal thing." Lois called out to the last remaining occupant.

"Thank you dear, but I'll just stay inside the nice warm house." She replied with a wave.

They stepped outside, the men leant against the porch railing, Chloe and Lana took a seat on the swing and Lois stepped a few feet away from everyone. She dug into her pocket, pulled out the pack, tapped out a cigarette and lit it; enjoying the taste before blowing out a smooth stream "Ok, I really needed that."

"When did you take up smoking again?" Smallville asked curiously.

Lois lips tilted in a lopsided smile "8 years ago; believe it or not, my little sleeping incursion was the impetus for me taking up the habit again. I'd quit two years before, and had stopped missing it, but when I woke up in the medical centre I had an intense desire for a cigarette." She shrugged embarrassed "Actually that doesn't even come close to describing it; I think I would cheerfully have broken someone's arm if they tried to come between me and a cigarette."

"It was that bad?" Chloe asked startled.

She took a deep drag on the stick and blew it out before answering "Yeah, remember after I was discharged from the hospital you were driving us back to the Talon, and I asked you to stop at the market Chloe?"

"That's what you had to get?"

"Mmm, I bought a packet but I was determined not to smoke them. I thought for sure that I could be strong enough to have them without giving into temptation. Well I showed how strong I was by ducking outside and lighting up the minute you went for a shower." She smiled abashed.

"If you'd told me why you wanted me to stop at the market, I wouldn't have done." Chloe reproved with a smile.

Lois shook her head and grinned "It wouldn't have stopped me Chlo, I would have gone out and bought some later, or bummed one from someone."

Smallville remembered that when Lana was driving them all back from the hospital, Lois had asked her to stop at the market, and now he knew that cigarettes were what she was buying; which meant that when he saw her smoking the afternoon she got out of the hospital, was when she started up again. It was very much a chicken and egg scenario. Lois had obviously started smoking after her time in the Medical Centre when she was 20, and was still doing so at 28. When Jo arrived in the future she was 20 and subsequently started smoking again. She'd clearly taken the habit back with her when she returned and as a result was still smoking at 28. However, his fiancé wouldn't have started again if she hadn't been in the future in the first place. He shook his head internally at the conundrum, decided all this time shifting stuff was just a headache, and thought to hell with it. Turning to Lois he asked with a small smile "Does your dad know?"

Her eyes widened "No, and he's the one person that I don't ever want to find out."

"Scared that he's going to kill you?" He grinned devilishly.

"No, I just don't want to see the disappointed parent eyes; you know the one's I mean?" They all nodded with feeling "I swear they hand them out at the hospital when new parents leave with their babies; basic techniques for how to make your kids feel guilty no matter what their age."

Everyone smiled, having been the recipient of the disappointed parent or guardian eyes on numerous occasions.

"Have you tried to give up again?" Clark asked curiously.

She shrugged half-heartedly "Not really; the problem is that I enjoy it too much." Then quickly held up a hand when every mouth opened simultaneously "Don't waste your time, unless you're a smoker you wouldn't understand. Anyway I know it's a bad habit but there are worse ones, so I'm not complaining." She took another drag, blew out the stream and walked over to the porch rail to look out over the farm.

She loved this time of day; twilight was a beautiful time of the evening, the sun had set, but the sky wasn't quite dark. It was a restful time of the day with a bewitching serenity that she didn't get to experience much, due to the long hours she worked. She lifted her face, closed her eyes and enjoyed the crisp gentle breeze that whispered through her hair; completely unaware that she was being unobtrusively observed by the two men.

Smallville wanted to slip his arms around her waist, and just enjoy this time of evening holding his beloved close in his arms. He wished that just the two of them were outside now, enjoying the closing of the day together.

They usually didn't have many opportunities to do so, but when they did, they made the most of it. They went flying or stayed at home, switched on soft music; opened the balcony doors and either sat outside on the little terrace, or stayed inside the lounge room. But no matter which, they enjoyed spending the tranquillity and romance of the coming night together. His hand lifted, then fell uselessly onto the railing to clench around the wood. When he heard a slight crack, he loosened his grip but kept his hand resting on the railing unsure if he could stop himself from reaching out to her. Sighing deeply, he promised himself that the first night he got Lois back; come hell or high water he would spend it holding her tight in his arms, just savouring the blessing of holding his beloved close while the night fell around them.

Clark looked at Lois out of the corner of his eye and his lips lifted slightly. How many times had they enjoyed spending this time of day together? Not enough; it hadn't been enough. He had so many memories, so many moments that were now gone, but still not enough.

Although the dreams were now real memories, there were still some parts of his life that were shadowed or nebulous. The events last month were still unclear, other moments that he couldn't grasp onto no matter how hard he tried. He resented losing those memories almost as much as everything else. He envied Smallville; his twin had clear memories, untainted by 8 years of marriage to the wrong woman. He did; he had memories of his life with Lana, and hoped that when time was reversed, when this was all fixed that his marriage was one thing that was wiped out of oblivion. He didn't want to get Lois back and remember that he'd lost her for years by his own foolishness. He sighed, looked sideways and caught Smallville's eyes and knew that his twin had also been lost in memories of sharing this time of day with Lois.

Finishing her cigarette, Lois tamped it out, turned around and smiled "I love this time of the evening."

Chloe nodded in agreement "It's beautiful, not quite dark, yet not light."

"Yeah, and it doesn't matter what the season, it's just...I don't know; special." Lois replied quietly.

"Well if your life's as busy as mine due to work then I'm guessing you don't get to see it much of it." Smallville smiled and lifted his brows in enquiry.

"Very true; which is exactly the reason why I'm going to enjoy to the full, the few days that I'm here." Lois returned with a heartfelt nod.

"Speaking of that it's only a two days until New..."

Lana tuned out the conversation; she agreed that this time of day was beautiful but the only thing that had her interest was her husband, unfortunately it didn't appear that the feeling was mutual. His eyes had barely left Lois since they'd stepped outside and she felt her heart hurt. Why couldn't he look at her like that, why couldn't he want her like that? Years ago he would have done anything, said anything just to be alone with her. Years ago he would have made an excuse, and tugged her up out of her seat just to get the two of them away from everyone and now...now it was almost like he didn't care whether she was around or not.

Firming her chin, she resolved to find a way to get Lois married to Oliver as soon as possible, and waited for a lull in the conversation before speaking. She heard Chloe make a laughing remark to Smallville, heard him respond in kind, and cut in before anyone could speak further.

"Just think Lois, if you and Oliver had stayed together, you would have been married years ago, instead of just being engaged now." She smiled affably but at the startled looks on everyone's face, frowned lightly "What's wrong?"

"Sorry Lana, you caught us all by surprise, we were talking about what we were going to do for New Years Eve, if we do anything that is." Chloe politely informed her.

"Oh sorry, I kind of tuned out for a moment." She shrugged apologetically but was determined not to change the subject "The light hit your engagement ring, and I just thought that you and Oliver would have been married longer than Clark and me if you had stayed together.

"No we wouldn't." Lois refuted swiftly.

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise "Do you think that you'd still only be getting married now?"

Lois smiled and shook her head "No, what I mean is that if Oliver had asked me to go with him when he left years ago, I would have done, but we wouldn't have lasted. I wasn't ready to settle down long term with anyone back then, neither was he; so in the end his leaving was a good thing for both of us."

"But you're engaged now, so how can you say that?" Lana asked with a frown.

"I'm 8 years older now; so I know what I do and don't want."

"You didn't know back then?"

"Oh god no, I wasn't ready for a ring and a promise when I was only 20." Lois replied with a quick head shake.

"Clark and I were married at 19, and I don't think that was too young." She refuted softly.

"Maybe not for you, but it was for me." Lois shrugged carelessly "Look we won't agree on this because we wanted different things from life. You were ready settle down at 19 because that was what you wanted, and it worked for you; but we're not all like that. I wanted to travel, find my niche in life, do things; marriage wasn't even in my vocabulary."

Lana nodded in understanding, but silently agreed that they wouldn't agree. Eight years had made no difference to her; at both 19 and 27 she'd wanted to marry Clark, and had taken steps to ensure that it that happened.

The men glanced at each other and shared a look of melancholy; they didn't know what they'd wanted at 19 anymore than Lois did, and that's what had gotten them into this mess.

"But you're ready for marriage now?" Smallville turned and asked Lois quietly.

"Yeah, so far I've had a good life with only a few regrets, but even those are good when you learn not to make the same mistakes again; and now I've got a man who wants to share the rest of my life with me. Ollie and I have been together for a while, we're compatible and enjoy each other's company; all in all I'm content." She paused and smiled softly "So unless something happens between now and our last goodnight, we should have a good 50 years together and that's a hell of an inning."

"Content doesn't sound very romantic Lo." Chloe interjected apologetically.

"It depends on your definition of romance." She replied simply then cocked her head "Do you know that 'romantic love' has a shelf life of about 3 to 4 years. It usually takes that long for couples who are together to see past the 'love haze' they're in, due to intense feelings which are exacerbated by chemistry; prior to that they think their partner is nearly perfect, because they only focus on all the wonderful traits of the person they love, and ignore the negative." She smiled slightly and shook her head minutely "I wanna be married for longer than 3 or 4 years, I wanna still love the man I'm married to when he gives me the shits or when he's not so good looking, and his butt begins to sag. And I want someone who'll love me when I'm acting like a fishwife because I've had a bad day, when my hair turns grey, and my boobs are hanging down to my knees." She giggled lightly then sobered "I love Ollie, he's a good man, really good y'know, but I'm not blinded by the light for him, and he isn't by me either. If he ever just once intimated that he thought I was perfect, I'd slap some sense into him."

"What about passion Lois?" Clark asked curiously.

"Passion is all well and good but it's not enough to sustain a relationship. Ollie and I don't have the kind of all consuming passion you see in a movie..." She smiled in light mockery and lifted her brows "...then again who does in real life, but I wouldn't trade what I have with him for that, not for one minute."

"Not even if you met someone who well...rang your bell so to speak?" Chloe asked with a slight smile.

"No, not even then." She shook her head and smiled "Passion and fireworks fade, and I'm not the kind of woman who chases after rainbows, willing to throw her whole life over for a flash in the pan. I've had a couple of relationships that were pretty sizzling, but eventually the heat died down and then it was gone." She shrugged offhand "For a short term fling that's great, but for marriage I want substance. I want a relationship that's built on compatibility, enjoyment in each other's company, friendship and love; all of that is worth a hell of a lot more to me than chemistry."

"And if you could have both; the substance and the passion?" Smallville asked, knowing that he and Lois did have both.

She looked at him cynically, and shook her head back and forth minutely "That's the kind of thing you see in a movie, but real life is different."

"It doesn't have to be." He refuted softly.

She shrugged indifferently "You think it's possible because you believe in destiny, whereas I enjoy watching it in a movie, and having a good cry at the sappy ending as much any woman, but in real life I'm much more practical minded."

"So you're glad that you waited?" Lana questioned curiously.

"Ollie and I didn't wait for each other if that's what you mean; we just waited to be sure before we decided to marry anyone. I'm glad now that Ollie and I went our separate ways years ago. We've both had other relationships, and accomplished the things we wanted to, and now that we're older, we're ready for marriage and wanna do it together." She finished with a slight lift of one shoulder.

"Smallville." He turned his head in reply "Is the Lois in your world with anyone?"

"Why?" He asked cautiously.

"Well our Lois is happy with Oliver, so maybe you should try and get your Lois and Oliver back together when you return to your world." Lana smiled impishly.

He shook his head and settled his back against the post "Oliver asked Lois to take him back and she said no."

"Oh, um what'd you think Lois, do you think she made a mistake?"

Lois shook her head "No, I don't, she could have had different reasons to mine; I initially said no too. Actually I said no a number of times before I decided to give Ollie and I another shot."

Lana turned and addressed Smallville once again. "Do you know if she had a reason?"

"She was dating someone else." He replied as casually as possible.

"Is she still seeing him?" Lana asked with a smile.

"Yes." He replied softly, and found that it hurt just to say that one word. He just couldn't make himself say that Lois was no longer his, because that was how he thought of her; as his fiancé not Oliver's.

"Who is he?" She asked throwing an impish smile at Lois.

"He's not from around here, so you wouldn't know him." He was finding it hard to be civil to Lana, and her constant prodding was beginning to wear on his nerves.

"Well, if her relationship doesn't last, then maybe you could try to get her and Oliver back together again. Clark told me that he tried years ago, but obviously they weren't ready then, but who knows this time she might end up engaged to him just like our Lois is." Lana pressed slightly.

Clark shifted uncomfortably, Smallville internally winced but Chloe had had enough "Not necessarily, you and Clark are married here; but Smallville isn't married to your counterpart." She refuted quietly but firmly "What works in one world doesn't always work in another."

Before the woman could speak, Lois cut in "She's right Lana, I really wasn't interested in getting back together with Oliver when I met him again; so if I was seeing someone else at the time then I would have told him no, and that would have been the end of it."

"Well now that you are going to be married, do you think that you and Oliver were destined to be together from the beginning?" Lana quizzed smilingly.

Lois' lips crooked, her head shook back and forth "I don't believe in destiny, I believe in choice."

"But sometimes the choices you make have already been pre-determined." Lana stated in a voice filled with assurance.

"If that's true, then we're all nothing more than robots and I don't believe that; you can believe in destiny and all that stuff if you want to, but I don't." Lois stated back in the same manner.

Both Clark and Smallville sent Chloe a look filled with gratitude, she inclined her head imperceptibly, and each man let the conversation float around them as their minds began to wander.

Hearing Lana's question to Lois about destiny, Clark couldn't help dwelling on what she'd said to Smallville earlier. She'd reminded him that years ago she'd said _'all the best ones start that way'_ regarding him and Lois. Well Lana had been right, all the best ones did start that way, and it did apply to him and Lois; but obviously Lana didn't believe it, or not when it came to him being with anyone other than herself.

As Smallville had said earlier, most teenagers think the first person they fancy was their true love. Then again most teenagers were usually too busy living in cloud cuckoo land, experiencing all the joy and heartache first love brought, to understand that one day they'd grow up and move on. But considering how mistrustful Lana had been about most everything he said and did; then why didn't she ever question herself about how sincere he really was, when he told her they belonged together?

If Lana had truly believed that she was just a pit-stop on his way to being with Lois; if she'd really believed that one day he was going to realise that Lois was his soul mate and not her; she NEVER would have gone out with him in the first place, much less taken him back; no matter how ardently he declared his love for her. Who would, who would want to be with anyone, put themselves through all the misunderstandings and heartache, if they really believed from the _**beginning**_, that it was all going to be for nothing anyway?

Why didn't she ever question herself on THAT? God knows she'd questioned everything else, so why didn't she ever ask herself if he was unconsciously lying about wanting to spend the rest of his life with her? Why didn't she ever ask herself if she wanted to waste her time on a dead end relationship with a guy, who was going to leave her high and dry for Lois one day? She was the one who'd said it, she was the one who had predicted that Lois and he were meant to be just as destiny had always intended, and she had been right. So why, Why did Lana ever get involved with him, and why did she ever take him back if she really believed that destiny had other plans for his life that didn't include her.

Either she hadn't believed it, or she'd thought herself so special that she could be the one to stop destiny from taking place, to stop him from ever loving Lois. Fat hope! He snorted silently and brought his thoughts full circle.

If Lana had really believed that she wasn't going to be that important in the grand scheme of his life, she never would have gone out with him. She'd not only had self protection down to a fine art, but long before they were together she'd expected to be first and foremost in every part of his life. Her pride wouldn't have let her take the role of proxy, the understudy that was only required until the real love of his life took centre stage. He knew the answer of course, Lana had never believed what she'd said about him and Lois it; it was that simple and that complicated.

He sighed deeply and wished that he had listened to her at the time. If he had listened, if he had believed, he would have walked away from Lana years ago. Back then he wouldn't have believed it, not for a minute. But if he had, he would have hated knowing that one day he was going to hurt Lana by loving Lois, and no matter how much it would have hurt him to walk away, he would have done it to spare her.

He'd had warning after warning, Lana's words, Lois telling him that she was his future, Lois dreaming about Superman, Lois finding him in the cornfield just as his parents had done. Each time he'd stubbornly turned away and clung to his infatuation for Lana, and now he was paying for it all. He was still furiously angry at Lana, but couldn't stop his heart from hurting a little bit more at knowing that he'd had the signs, they'd all but lighted the way for him, and he'd turned a cold shoulder to them all. He sighed once again and tuned back into the conversation.

Smallville was dwelling on all that Lois had said of her relationship with Oliver and thought that it sounded like it was built on nothing more than friendship, respect and practicality. There wasn't anything wrong with that, a lot of happy marriages were built on a lot less. However, although his and Lois' relationship had been built on the same things, they also had the passion her current relationship seemed to be lacking, and a love that was more than just lukewarm in feeling.

Their friendship had been solid and binding, they'd respected each other, not just as lovers, but as work partners and equals, and the practicality that she'd talked about had been there as well. As much as they'd loved each other, neither had they been blind to each other's faults. They argued and pissed each other off, but they also enjoyed each other's company more than anyone else's.

As for passion, that had never once cooled in their relationship. Their sex life had never been ordinary, routine or unsatisfying. When they were angry the sex had been fast and hard, when they were laughing, it had been playful and teasing. When they'd felt romantic, they would take their time and the whole experience had been created to please all the senses. Soft music, soft lightening, whisper touches and butterfly kisses that slowly built each sensation one on top of the other. At other times just a word or look had been enough, and the fire between them had been so damn hot, he was surprised they didn't burn up in the flames.

Their desire and enthusiasm for each other had never waned, it didn't matter what their mood, because whatever it was at the time had been exactly right. But if or when their passion for each other ever cooled, they had a hell of a lot more than just inventive amazing sex to bind them together. They had a love that was firm and sure, one that could withstand anything. He hated knowing that she'd been with Oliver, he hated knowing that she was engaged to anyone other than him, but right now he also felt grateful that she neither loved nor desired Oliver with the intensity that she'd felt for him. It was petty; he knew it and didn't give a damn.

When Lana had first asked Lois about her relationship with Oliver, he hadn't wanted to hear it but knew that he had to. If they couldn't find a way to reverse what had been done, then he was more than willing to fight to get Lois back. However, to do that, he had to know just what he was fighting and how deep her feelings for Oliver went, and now he knew for certain. He could now say that he felt more at peace; not happy, still hurt, still angry but less troubled. He'd felt slightly gratified after she'd talked about her dreams earlier and felt a little more so now. He was also intensely curious about how the man had managed to get her back in this timeline, considering that Clark had been safely married and out of the picture.

He waited for the right time and as soon as there was a lull in the conversation, spoke up "So you really didn't want to get back together with Oliver?" He smiled at Lois casually cocking his head to the side.

"No I really didn't." She smiled in confirmation.

"How'd it happen?" At the curiosity on her face, he quickly rushed on "Sorry, it's just that my Lois, I'll call her that because it's easier ok?" She nodded "Ok, well my Lois didn't take him back and I know that she doesn't regret it, so how did it happen with you?"

She raked a hand through her hair and shrugged "The same way these things usually happen, there was a pursuer and a pursee."

"And Oliver was the pursuer." He stated confidently.

She cocked her brow and her lip lifted in a mocking smile "How do you know that I wasn't; or that I wasn't just playing him until I got him right where I wanted him?"

"Because different world or not, Lois Lane is not a player. She's much too straight forward." He replied firmly.

She inclined her head and the smile on her face this time was genuine "Yes Oliver was the pursuer; after I turned him down he decided to court me."

"Court you?" Clark asked interested.

"Uhh huh, believe it or not, court me. It took a while for me to be charmed, and even longer to give in, but he wouldn't give up." She laughed lightly.

"Did he actually say that he was going to court you Lois?" Lana asked with a touch of surprise.

She nodded slowly and grinned "Yeah he did. As you know I met Ollie here on the Saturday night, and when I got home on the Monday morning, I found a very long message on my answer machine from him. Anyway he turned up at my place with dinner that night and ended up staying. The next morning I pretty much told him 'it was fun, see you later' and he told me that he was going to get me back by courting me." She let out a gurgle of laughter "I was absolutely flabbergasted; we'd dated years before, and had now slept together so I thought his decision to woo me, in order to solicit my hand was a bit late in the game; but he said it was never too late for courting and that's what he did."

"You didn't want to get back together after the first night?" Smallville asked quietly.

She shook her head "No, the first night was just sex, an old itch that needed scratching but that's all."

"Just sex." Clark replied flatly, and felt the ache at knowing that while he'd been dreaming about her...them the Monday night after she'd left the farm; she in turn was spending it in Oliver's arms and Clark Kent had been the last thing on her mind.

"Hmm mmm, if the Lois in Smallville's world was free when Ollie came back, more than likely she would have done the same thing. However, she was with someone else so didn't, but I was free and did." She pointed out logically.

At Lois words, Smallville felt a fierce rush of satisfaction that Lois had been dating him when Oliver returned in his time. If they hadn't been dating, and Oliver had swept Lois into bed, he knew without doubt, that he would have been hard pressed not to pound the man into the ground for touching the woman he loved. In this time however, he couldn't hate or resent Oliver, because he was just another victim in the mess Lana had created. For now he had to keep reminding himself that all of this would be wiped out when time was reversed; in all honesty at the moment it was the only thing that was getting him through.

"But Oliver did want the two of you to try again?" Smallville confirmed once again quietly.

She smiled and bobbed her head "Yeah, I wasn't as young as I used to be and I sure as hell wasn't ready to throw my heart in the ring like last time. Ollie said that he'd made a mistake walking away years ago; and wasn't going to give up this time; as you can see we had very different views." She laughed lightly.

"If you never met Oliver again, do you think you could have met someone else that you would have been happy with?" He remembered when he'd asked her a similar question after their fight over Oliver, and wanted to know if she would give the same response.

She shrugged casually "Yes." When they all looked at her in astonishment she sighed and explained "I know some people get bored with their relationship, and start looking around hoping to find someone better than the partner they've got. I think that's pointless because eventually the glow will wear off on the new relationship too. I'm happy with Ollie, so I don't waste my time looking for someone else; but if I hadn't met him again then yes, I think that I could have met someone else that I would have been happy with. There a millions, heck billions of people in the world, I think it's pretty arrogant to believe with that many people that only one person is the right one, or only one person can make you happy. In the relationship department I've had some hits and some misses like most people, but each one helped to shape me; so I think that things work out for the best y'know."

Hearing her reply Smallville felt his heart warm. The last time he'd asked her if they hadn't been dating, would she have taken Oliver back. She'd told him then that she couldn't answer since they had been together, this time her response had been almost the opposite. She'd been happy with him, she hadn't loved him at the time, but she'd been happy enough with him that she hadn't taken Oliver back nor regretted turning him down. This time, although she loved Oliver, although she was engaged to him, deep inside she knew that he wasn't the man she was meant to be with; not if she knew that she could be just as happy with someone else. The last night they were together, Lois had told him that she would never love anyone the way that she loved him, and by the words she'd just spoken, she'd inadvertently told him that once again.

He wished they were out here alone, he wished they were at home where they belonged. As his mind started to slide into memories of their last night together once again, he ruthlessly suppressed them, and concentrated as the conversation continued.

"Have you ever believed in destiny Lois?" Lana asked curiously.

"No." She replied simply.

"Not ever, not even when you were a kid?"

"No, I've never been some wide eyed ingénue who thought that every guy I kissed was my true love, I don't believe in that stuff now, any more than when I was younger. I sure as hell wasn't going to waste my life looking or waiting for it; I think that just leads to a lifetime of disappointment." She finished with a quick head shake.

"And what if one day you were minding your own business, and it just found you?" Clark pressed lightly.

Her lips crooked up and she shook her head "If I met a guy and he gave me some cheesy line about how we were destined to be together, I'd tell him to get lost; because 10 to 1 that guy is just looking to get laid, and figures giving me some crap about destiny is the quickest way to get into my pants."

"You think it's just a line." Clark asked quietly.

She nodded and replied in a dry voice "Yep and I've heard them all. I love corny pick up lines, like the one AC gave me." At their curious expressions she smiled "He told me that he had to suck the water out of my pretty lungs; that was cute." She giggled then smiled devilishly "But I hate cheesy pick up lines, they just tick me off. I was talking to this guy at a party I attended when I was living in London, anyway he said that destiny had brought us to that party so that we could meet; can you believe it, he actually said that." She snorted contemptuously "I'd enjoyed talking to him until then but he just had to ruin it. Anyway I started to behave all girly and giddy, and replied, oh my god, I knew it. I could feel our connection deep in my soul, my physic told me that today I'd meet the man who was my destiny and as soon as we met, I just knew that she meant you. Then I started calling out to my friend who was way across the other side of the room; Sarah, Sarah, this is him, please say you'll marry us now since you're a JP. He got a little green around the gills when Sarah began to get all excited too, so while he was trying to edge away from me, I grabbed onto his arm and began yelling even louder, but I thought I was your destiny, don't you want to marry me so we can have lots of babies, I want at least seven?" She broke off and began to snort with laughter "The look on that guys face was priceless, I don't think I've ever seen anyone run away so fast."

They all began to snicker and ended up roaring in laughter "I'd say that man tried the wrong pick up line, on the wrong woman." Chloe stated between chuckles.

"Most definitely." Lois returned with a big grin.

"But still Lois, yeah that guy was using it as a line, but that doesn't mean it's not real." Clark put forward once again.

"It's a crock." She stated flatly "I'd rather a guy just tell me that he wants to get me into bed, so I can tell him to push off; rather than wasting my time boring me with some bunk about destiny, which is just a lot of bullshit." She shook her head in disgust "It's all so phony; destiny, fate, soul mates. One person said it, then another and another, and now it's become the catchphrase that everyone uses. No one ever just falls in love anymore, no one ever just meets someone and thinks 'hey I like that person and wouldn't mind getting to know them better', no; now it's always destiny brought them together." She finished lifting her eyes heavenward in scorn.

"I think it's real." Clark disagreed politely.

"So do I." Smallville put in fast on his heels.

"Me too." Lana nodded firmly.

Smiling Lois turned and lifted her brows at her cousin, who was shaking her head "Sorry Lo, I believe in it as well."

Her forehead wrinkled "Hey don't be sorry Chlo, we're all entitled to our opinion." Her frown disappeared and was replaced by a smile "I think you lot are just a bunch of starry-eyed saps, and more than likely you all think that I'm the most unromantic woman you've ever met; we're probably all right." She finished with a light laugh.

"You don't think that you're romantic?" Smallville asked with a light smile, knowing that she was wrong. Lois wasn't the traditional kind of romantic, but she certainly charmed him.

She shook her head "Nah, I'm too pragmatic, I'd rather Ollie cleaned the bathroom, or vacuumed the lounge room to save me having to do it, then to give me a bunch of flowers and expect me to feel romantic, when all I can think about it is the stuff that hasn't been done around the house."

"Well I agree with you there Lo, it's hard to feel romantic when the apartments a pig sty; and if they guy doesn't help, all you feel like doing is smacking him one." Chloe put in and nodded.

"Well I'm lucky, Ollie does help and I've never had to train him which is a huge plus. One time I came home from the salon, and found that he'd cleaned the apartment from top to bottom; well that put me in the mood of wanting to thank him." Lois gave a light chuckle and wiggled her brows.

Lana smiled in accord "Well I have to agree that a messy house or lazy partner doesn't make you feel amorous; thankfully Clark does help around the house, and he enjoys cooking as well."

The women all turned to smile at Clark whose face had turned slightly pink.

Lois shook her head "The only cooking Ollie loves to do is on the grill, when we have cookouts, he actually stands like a captain of a ship in front of the barbeque and takes charge."

"So does Clark." Lana giggled and once again all the women turned to him, but instead of blushing he just lifted his chin and looked them all down. Turning as one, the women looked at Smallville who gave them a sheepish smile and nodded.

"It has to be a man thing and I'm grateful, because I can never get those bloody things to work properly." Lois said decisively.

Her cousin grinned and bobbed her head in agreement "Me either; ok, so if you don't believe in destiny Lo, what about love at first sight?"

Lois snorted rudely, giving her opinion on that without any words.

"You don't believe in love at first sight either?" Lana asked surprised.

"I believe in like and lust at first sight, but not love. I think people use the terms, 'love at first sight' and 'destiny' because they think it sounds a whole lot more romantic than, we ripped each other's clothes of and screwed like rabbits." She finished in a dry voice.

Chloe muffled her laughter and shook her head "Gees Lo, you have such a lady like way of putting things."

"What can I say, I'm not interested in writing a dissertation on the subject, I just call it like I see it, and say it in as few words as possible. Bottom line; I think if a guy wants to get into your pants he'll say anything." Lois replied flatly.

"Women too, I don't mean sex, but other things?" Lana put in with a smile.

Lois lips twitched and she nodded in agreement "Yeah but that's because women hold the carrot. There's an old joke, it's a bit crude but very true. A little boy and a little girl are standing opposite each other in their birthday suits. Anyway, the boy points down to his private's and says 'with one of these I can get one of those' pointing at the little girls; and the girl in turn points down to herself and says 'with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want' pointing at the little boys."

She'd no sooner finished then everyone started screaming with laughter.

"That was a good one." Chloe snorted wiping her eyes.

"Well it's an oldie but a goodie." Lois smiled in return.

"So does Oliver believe in destiny?"

"Nuh, he's as down to earth as I am; he thinks it was a happy accident, not fate that we were both still single when we met again."

"And you agree?"

"Yeah, I mean look we have the perfect example right here. In Smallville's world, Lois already had a boyfriend when she met Ollie again, so she turned him down. She's still with the guy so I'm guessing that she's happy with her life, right?" She turned and lifted her brows in query.

He nodded steadily "Yes."

"There you go, different universe or not, I daresay that she's as practical minded about being with her boyfriend as I am about Ollie."

"I think you're right." Smallville replied with a small smile "I know the man she's dating had asked her out several times but she kept saying no. Eventually she decided to go out with him, after he gave her some very rational arguments about why they should date. It took some time but she loves him now and they are happy together."

"See, practical." Lois replied casually shrugging one shoulder.

"Yes, practical." Smallville agreed deadpan, but his eyes held satisfaction that only his twin could see.

When the ladies began talking once again, the men looked at each, Clark's lips lifted slightly in acknowledgement, his head tilted, and he knew the satisfaction that was burning in Smallville's eyes was also bright in his own.

"Ok, well I think it's time to go inside and hint to your mom that I'm hungry; who's with me?" Lois asked, they all nodded; Chloe and Lana rose to their feet, the men straightened from leaning against the rail and as once all turned to the door. However, they'd no sooner taken a step forward, than Martha opened the door and stuck her head outside "Dinner's ready everyone; I just need some volunteers to carry it all to the table."

Smiling they made their way inside and with all the willing helpers; everyone was sitting down to eat within minutes.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Once dinner was finished, the kitchen was swiftly cleaned, and everyone sat at the table silently nursing cups of coffee.

"Well I don't know who cooked what for dinner but it was really yummy, all of it." Lois praised all three women, then paused and frowned slightly "I tried to make tuna casserole but it didn't come out like the one we had at dinner; who made it?" She looked between the women waiting for a response and when Lana lifted her hand she smiled "Maybe you could give me the recipe, the one I was using must have been flawed or something."

"Or something." Chloe muttered under her breath, causing the men who'd heard it to hide their smirks.

"What was that Chlo?" Lois asked turning to her cousin.

"Nothing Lo, I was just clearing my throat, but why do you wanna cook, I mean why doesn't Oliver just hire a chef or something?"

"We do have one, but when we feel in the mood for pizza or similar we order out. A fancy burger that a chef makes doesn't taste the same as one from McDonald's, and sometimes that's what you want." When they looked at her amused, she sighed and explained further "If you have a craving for KFC for example, until you satisfy that particular craving, it'll never go away, get it?" They all nodded "But I'm thinking that once I get married, maybe I should cook once in a while." At everyone's raised brows, she lifted her hand to make her point "Well it's the wifely thing to do right?"

Smallville snorted lightly, Clark coughed, Lana smiled; while Martha and Chloe just bit their lips.

Knowing that the most wifely thing she'd done for him was continue to make him her god-awful treats, Smallville hoped that she didn't do the same for Oliver. Even though her cooking caused him to fear that he'd get indigestion; super-stomach notwithstanding, he still considered it something that was theirs alone, and didn't want to lose or share it with anyone else.

"I can't see you being the traditional wife Lois." He replied blandly.

She sighed and nodded in agreement "I know, but your mom and Lana both cook so..."

"Did Oliver tell you that he wants you to cook dear?" Martha cut in politely.

She shook her head and sipped at the coffee "Nah, Ollie's great, he wanted to get in full time help, but I wasn't keen on that. However, as we both love to eat but hate to cook, getting the chef was our compromise and one that we're both happy with."

"Then I wouldn't worry about cooking after you get married; Oliver's obviously happy, so don't change the way you are just because you're getting married." Martha put in kindly.

Lois blew out a breath and smiled in gratitude "Thanks, I wasn't going to but while we were eating dinner I remembered how much Ollie loved the apple pie I made for Thanksgiving years ago, so I wondered if I should start cooking for him."

"You haven't made it for him again?" Smallville asked casually and when she shook her head in reply he smiled slightly "Have you made him anything else?"

She shook her head again and flushed slightly "No, um you see, I...no." She finished lamely, unable to tell them that the only man she'd cooked for was Kal and that was when she was dreaming; which in turn made her feel highly ridiculous that she'd just now realised it "Do you think I should?" She asked chewing her lip anxiously, looking between Smallville and Martha.

Smallville hid the pleasure he felt at her words, and shook his head "No, I agree with mom, don't try and change things, not when you're both happy as you are." Yes it was selfish, and once again he didn't give a damn.

Everyone nodded in agreement at his words, and finally deciding both mother and son were right, Lois nodded and smiled in relief "Ok, besides I have to be in the mood to cook, and between the hours I put in at work, and attending fancy parties with Ollie, I don't really have the time. And let's face it, not only would my cooking in comparison to a chef's suck big time, but why bother when we've got someone who loves to cook so much they made it their profession." She paused for a beat before continuing "Besides if I start to cook then it's not fair on Henry; he's our chef, it won't be fair on him because then he'll be unemployed; although not for long because he's really good. But I don't want to cook every night, and if we don't have a cook because I say that I want to cook then I will have to do it every night, although we could get takeout but..." Finally becoming aware of the snickers surrounding her, Lois trailed off and flushed pink "I'll shut up now."

Chloe reached over and patted her cousin's hand "I think it's nice that you don't want to cook so that Henry's not unemployed Lo."

Lois narrowed her eyes in return, ignored the grins around the table and shook her head "Ok, so changing the subject, how are we going to get you home?" She asked looking around the table, but at the blank looks sighed "No one has any ideas?" At the head shakes around the table room, she frowned "Hmmm."

"Have you thought of something Lo?" Chloe asked when her cousin's face became reflective.

"Not yet, but where's there's a will there's a way." She turned to the Smallville and lifted her brows enquiringly "Were you in your own universe one moment and then in ours the next?"

He nodded, then shook his head and gave her the edited and fabricated version of events they had decided upon earlier "Yes and no, I was visiting with mom while I had a few days off from work for the Christmas break. Anyway about mid morning yesterday, everything was fine; I mean that I was in my own world and had gone outside just before lunch to feed the animals. However, on my way back to the house I was crossing the field, and was stopped by an invisible wall or something that was blocking my way." Lois nodded and encouraged him to continue. He flicked his eyes briefly around the table including everyone in the conversation "I tried to push against it but couldn't and then it was just gone. When I came back into the house I didn't realise that anything was wrong at first, because everything looked the same you know?" Lois bobbed her head in understanding "But while mom and I were having lunch, Clark turned up and that's when we knew that something was definitely wrong." He paused to take a sip of coffee, hoping to tamp down the anger he could feel building once again "After talking with Clark and realising that he was not only married to Lana, but that mom wasn't surprised by it, we knew that I was the one who didn't belong here." He finished up quietly.

Lois rubbed his shoulder consolingly and gave him a commiserating smile "Don't worry Smallville, we'll get you home; right everyone?" She looked around the table and was gratified at the firm nods she received in return.

"Thanks, it's not that everyone here isn't nice, but it's kind of disconcerting because although you are the same people I know, you're not really; I mean you are but..." He trailed off and shook his head giving up trying to explain.

"We know what you meant sweetie, but we'll all find a way to get you back to the loved one's that you were with just yesterday." Martha put in steadily, purposely rewording what Lois said so as not to alert the two women.

"Here's to what your mom said." Chloe confirmed lifting her cup in salute. They all followed suit, lifted their cups and clinked them together.

"The good thing is that you ended up in a world where you know everyone. I mean I know that we're not the same people like you said, but at least you're not somewhere else altogether." Lana broke off flustered and tried again "What I mean is that you're not with people who are total strangers."

Smallville lifted his lips in a small smile and nodded, but found the effort to be pleasant to the woman hard to do since she was the one who had caused all this to happen in the first place. He was trying to keep it together around Lana, and in a way really didn't want to know if she was aware of what her older counterpart did. His temper was tenuous at best and right now it was hanging by a very short thread. He wasn't sure that he wanted to know if she had full knowledge of what older Lana had done, because if she did, he honestly didn't know if he'd be able to treat her with any civility whatsoever? Right now, he couldn't say yes.

Lois smiled but seeing the sad look on his face, tried to restore his optimism "Lana's right Smallville; being an alien and all, just be glad you didn't end up on a different planet."

"What kind of planet Lo?" Her cousin asked fascinated while her lip quivered in betrayal.

Lois glowered in return "How should I know Chloe, I'm just trying to cheer him up."

Clark quickly lifted his hand to hide his mouth, Smallville bit his lip and the women looked at each other in amusement.

"What?" Lois scowled darkly at all of them in turn.

"Nothing Lo, and thank you, your words have brought me no end of comfort." Smallville grinned at her, and when her eyes narrowed he smirked.

She sighed and decided it was time to try 'operation find out if Lana's a lying witch' to begin. Since she couldn't cheer him up, maybe she could get the woman to tip her hand even a little "You know I was watching Bewitched the other day, and I couldn't remember if there was one Darren or two?" She enquired looking around the table with lifted brows.

"Two." Martha replied promptly.

Lois nodded, scratched her ear absently and sighed "It's a fun show, and it must be pretty tempting to be to be able to get anything you want just by wiggling your nose; I tried it when I was a kid...actually I tried it again the other day, but I couldn't do it." She paused and filled them in "It doesn't work when you wiggle your nose with your finger like Tabitha did either, I tried that too."

Chloe shook her head sadly at her cousin in pretend agreement "I could never do it either."

"I preferred I dream of Jeannie to Bewitched." Lana put in with a smile.

Lois nodded, agreed then dragged the conversation back to Bewitched "Well Major Nelson was a hottie, and really who'd want a mother in law like Darren's; what was her name again?"

"Endora." Martha replied once again, tapping a finger against her lips to stop their betraying quiver.

"That's right Endora." Lois nodded and gave a light chuckle "She was a mean piece of work."

"Yeah, she was a piece of work alright." Smallville put in dryly.

She ignored him and tapped the table with her finger "I didn't mind I Dream of Jeannie though, what'd you like about it Lana?"

"I don't know, it was just so funny how she kept trying to make Major Nelson happy, but instead messed up, and his life was turned upside down." Lana smiled softly "The poor thing tried so hard though."

"Hmm, yeah it was funny, but I always thought it was kind of mean the way she kept trying to push her love onto him, and messing up his life as a result." Lois returned with a smile to take any sting out of her words then turned to the table at large with lifted brows "So what would everyone prefer; the good hearted genie who made your life hell or the witch mother in law from hell?"

Chloe kicked her cousin under the table, and smiled "I don't know Lo, it's a hard choice."

Lois kept her smile in place, nodded and turned to the men.

"I agree with Chloe." Clark replied with a slight quiver in his voice. How could he not be absolutely cherish a woman who tried so hard to be subtle, failed abysmally and kept trying anyway. He'd kept an ear on Lana's pulse and was positive his twin was doing so as well, but it hadn't once picked up, so he knew that she was unaware of what Lois was doing; thank god.

"Me too." Smallville wondered if anyone would notice if he bent down and kissed Lois just to shut her up. He loved her but there were times like now when he wanted to strangle her.

She nodded and turned to the last two women with eager smiles.

"Well as I'm the mother in law in this scenario then I'd have to go for the genie." Martha smiled complacently.

"As Martha is my mother in law, I'd better go for the genie too." Lana giggled in turn "What about you Lois?"

"I'm not sure, they were both as bad as the other really; even though Jeannie had good but selfish intentions and Endora didn't, they still made the men's lives hell." She considered then shrugged "I can't decide." She paused and had just opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Smallville.

"Who wants more coffee?" He looked around the table genially and was relieved when everyone replied in the affirmative. He knew Lois all too well and was aware that she'd been about to say something that might be better left unspoken. Seeing the flash of disappointment in her eyes, swiftly followed by a flash of dismay, he also knew that she wasn't upset that he'd stopped her. He was certain that Clark was also keeping an ear on Lana's heart rate as was he, but if the woman suspected anything by Lois' conversation, then she didn't have a pulse at all because it had never once risen. However wanting it to stay that way, he decided it was time to stop his fiancé before she became even more obvious than she had been previously.

Lois gave in gracefully, it was really just as well that Smallville had stopped her. She couldn't do subtle, it just wasn't in her nature, so she decided right then not to say anything further to Lana. They'd asked her not to, and yeah ok, she thought it was stupid but it was what they wanted. Besides helping Smallville find a way home would be more productive in the long run.

Fresh hot coffee was made, and after everyone helped themselves to a cup, the kitchen grew quiet. Lois lifted the coffee cup, took a sip and just as suddenly her eyes widened in dismay.

"Lois what's wrong?" Chloe frowned at the arrested expression on her cousin's face.

"I just realised that Smallville's mom must be pretty worried; gees I should have thought about her long before now." She turned quickly to the elder Kent "I'm sorry Martha; I know that you are her, but technically his real mom is back there, and she must be worried about her son.

Martha nodded in understanding and reaching over picked up Lois' hand and squeezed it gently. She was touched that the young woman had thought about her other self; even if there was no other her. Just knowing that she'd thought about it warmed her heart all the same. However, not wanting her to distress herself about a fictional woman, she came up with the answer that would quell Lois' concern, by using the same person her son had yesterday when he knew that help was required "Thank you dear, I'm sure that she is concerned, but if she's like me, and Clark has assured me that she is, then more than likely she would have done the same thing that I would have under the circumstances, and called in Chloe." She smiled gently.

Lois nodded and turned to her cousin with pride "Yeah, it's a good thing that Chlo was into all the freaky stuff years ago; more than likely she's with the other Martha now and they're figuring it out as we speak." She smiled at her cousin then turned to Smallville once again "So with us working this side, and them working that, you'll be home in no time."

He bobbed his head and smiled "You'll be there with mom and Chloe as well Lo."

"Me! Well admittedly I'm pretty brilliant." She stated matter of fact ignoring the grins around the table "But Chloe's the one who knows all about the weird stuff."

"Yeah, but you and Chloe are my best friends, so mom would have called you both." He replied seriously.

"We're best friends, how'd that happen?" When his mouth opened she waved him to silence "Dumb question, because we work together." She shook her head and smiled "Ok, well how about Lana, will she be there too?" Not giving him time to respond, she went on "It's pretty weird to think that all the same players are in two different worlds, trying to figure this out at the same time huh?" She shot a look around the table, but encountered only bewilderment from all but one person.

Lana smiled and bobbed her head in agreement "Yeah, right now they're all probably sitting at this very same dinner table and talking about it just like we are; ok now that's weird." Lois nodded and had just opened her mouth to speak but swung around at Smallville's voice.

"Lana lives in Paris; so she wouldn't be there." He informed the ladies, then quickly rushed on when Lois' mouth opened once again "Lo, why were you surprised that we were best friends?"

"Well the only thing you've told me about your world is that you and I are partners at the Planet. I still can't imagine you being a journalist, I mean, I know that Clark worked at the Torch, well so did you, but that was years ago and it was only the school rag." She grinned but when she received a light frown in return, she cleared her throat "Um, maybe you should tell me more about your world, I didn't really give you a chance when I arrived, I was too busy hogging the conversation telling you about my night out with the girls."

Smallville nodded slowly "So who are your closest friends?"

"Chloe and Oliver." Lois replied promptly, but at the perplexed look on his face turned to Clark "...and in this world yours would be Chloe and Lana right?" He didn't say anything in reply, and suddenly feeling a light tension in the air, she picked up her cup and sipped at the contents, grateful when Lana intervened.

"It's funny how things can be so different between one world and the next. I was kind of surprised when Smallville told me too Lois, but once you think about it, it does make sense, doesn't it?" Lana put in with a smile, hoping to cover the awkward silence that had fallen over the room.

Lois thankfully and eagerly took the branch that was held out to her "Yeah, it does." She nodded firmly.

"Lana, Lois is an old friend of ours." Clark stated quietly.

She rushed to explain "Oh I know."

"Then why did you say that she wasn't?"

She quickly shook her head "No you misunderstood me; I didn't say that she wasn't an old friend..."

"Lana didn't say that, she just that she was as surprised like I was." Lois put in quickly.

Both women's voices rang out at the same time, and feeling the air had gotten heavier instead of lighter since they had started trying to help each other, they turned and exchanged looks of puzzlement.

"Why were you surprised?" Clark pressed quietly, looking between the two women "We've been friends for a long time Lois, close friends and..." He trailed off into silence.

Lois and Lana's eyes changed from bafflement to dismay, they simultaneously turned to face everyone again, but seeing no help for any other quarter turned back to each other, and shrugged fatalistically. Lana knew that her husband wouldn't stop until he got an answer, and Lois was well aware of just how stubborn Clark could be, and now there were two of them. When Lana opened her mouth, Lois held up her hand and decided to field the question, in the hopes of preventing any discord between husband and wife.

Unwilling to hurt him she tried to explain as gently as possible "We've _known_ each other for a long time, and we're friends, but we haven't spent enough time together to become close, either before I left or since I've returned."

The two men looked at each other, deciding to try and help further, Lana next spoke up.

"Yes that's what I was trying to say." When all eyes swung her direction, she blew out a breath and ran a hand through her hair. "See, before we were married you were best friends with Chloe, and spent your time either with her or with me, but you and Lois just tolerated each other more than anything..." Seeing the look on his face she rushed on "...you were kind of friends but not cronies, and since she's returned we've hardly seen her, so it's not like we've had the opportunity of getting to know each other or becoming closer." She bit her lip when everyone except for Lois, looked at her with sad disappointment "Smallville works with her so they have grown closer over time, and consequently have gotten to know each other better." She blew out a breath and tried to explain further but felt herself sink deeper into the mire. "I'm sure that Lois does consider us friends, right Lois; I mean we all exchange cards at Christmas but..." She turned to the woman with eyes pleading for help.

Lois quickly took up the thread "Oh definitely, I mean I come here to stay at the farm once in a while, and when we have parties I wouldn't think of not inviting the Kent's and ..." She trailed off at the look of dejection both men wore.

The two men saw the dawning comprehension in each other's eyes as women's words finally sunk in. Chloe swore silently to herself, turned to Martha and saw the same shattering sadness in her eyes that she felt herself at this new turn of events. As one they turned to the men, and at the look of grief in their eyes, they began to hurt anew.

"I consider you a good friend Lois; a close friend, one that I love." Clark said quietly.

"So do I." Smallville chimed in subdued.

Realising that this time it was them who'd gaffed, Lois and Lana once again looked at each other helplessly. Trying to salvage the situation as best she could Lois reached over and patted the men's hands "I like you too." Seeing their crest fallen expressions hadn't lightened one iota she sighed in defeat "C'mon guys I do consider us friends."

They nodded absently while their minds churned at this new realisation, one they hadn't considered before now; their friendship with Lois had been put on hiatus along with everything else. In this time they hadn't gotten closer, they didn't work together, spend time together and because they'd been friends but not buddies before she left, after she returned their friendship hadn't been given the chance to develop as it had previously. So although Lois considered Clark a friend, she didn't consider him a best friend and Smallville in turn came under the same banner. They hadn't only lost their fiancé, they realised now that they'd lost a whole lot more, and both felt the wounds that their hearts were already carrying, hurt even more at this new awareness.

Lois turned to Maratha and Chloe with an 'I don't get it' look on her face, only to find they were looking at the men, with the same melancholy that Clark and Smallville were currently sporting. She turned to Lana once again and saw the same self directed chagrin that she felt, for casting everyone into the doldrums.

Seeing the downcast expressions on everyone's face, Lana honestly felt bad for the heaviness in the air; a heaviness that she was partly instrumental in causing. She was well aware that her husband was infatuated with Lois, but she really had no idea that he'd thought they were all close friends. How could they be, they hadn't been given the chance to form close ties. Years ago they'd had other interests, and although Lois had lived at the farm for a while, she and Clark had butted heads more than anything, and his attention had mainly been on her not Lois. However, she knew that friendship was important to her husband and considering Lois was one of Smallville's best friends in his own world, both men had obviously been caught off guard and subsequently hurt. They had only just realised that in this world, their friendship with Lois while old wasn't as solid or substantial as they'd thought.

Lois silently swore at herself; she'd always talked too much and usually without thinking, but she hated to be needlessly unkind and that's how she felt. Years ago Clark had only been interested in getting rid of her, or crying on her shoulder about Lana, so she really had no idea that he considered them such close friends now. She should have just pretended, but by the time she realised that it was such a big deal, it was far too late and she'd already been in it up to her neck. To top it off, when she tried to explain, all she'd succeeded in doing was making things worse.

Hoping to relieve some of the pain the men carried in their eyes, Chloe tried to smooth things out "Smallville, when you go back to your own world, Lois and I will both be waiting for you; don't forget that this Lois has had a different life to the one you know and ..." She trailed off uncertain how to finish. While talking she'd put one hand on Clark's arm, and clenched her fingers in a show of pretence that she was using him to balance while shifting in her seat, but really to let him know that she was speaking to him as well. However she now found herself in the same boat as Lois and Lana; unable to find a way to finish what she'd started, in a way that would comfort either man at present.

Seeing Chloe's difficulty, and hurting once again for her boys, Martha nodded firmly "That's right, and in this world there's nothing to stop all of you from becoming closer. A person can never have too many friends, and distance shouldn't make any difference."

"I agree." Lana replied softly.

"Me too." Lois swiftly piped in.

The men nodded slowly but each was still feeling stricken at this new realisation. Neither Lana nor Lois had said anything wrong, they'd actually pointed out a truth that no one had even thought before now. However, the men couldn't pretend not to feel the hurt by the truth that was vibrating in their hearts, and once again the anger that wasn't far from the surface began to stir to life. God, what else had Lana taken from them that they hadn't even thought off?

Every time they managed to tamp their anger down, the embers were stirred once again. First they discovered they were the same man and their lives had been stolen, then they realised their fiancé was Oliver's girlfriend, then she arrived and they found out that she was engaged to Oliver and now...now they had to face the knowledge that Lois didn't even consider them good friends. More than likely their names were in her address book, and as she went through it, and saw the name Clark Kent, she scribbled him a Christmas card and put him on her party lists. Everyone did that with at least one or two people in their life, and they both knew Lois did it. They knew that she always bought a couple of impersonal gifts at Christmas to cover herself, just in case someone she hadn't even thought of gave her something. And now knowing that they had been reduced to that someone; knowing they were nothing more than a name in her address book, both men felt unbearably sad and acutely hurt. Lois trusted them somewhat; she wouldn't have felt comfortable opening up earlier if she didn't, and they were grateful they hadn't lost that, but neither could they stop from hurting at this.

Seeing that the look of despondency hadn't lifted from the men's faces, Lois couldn't take it anymore and quickly rushed in "Guy's we're best friends, I consider you my best friends." When they turned to her with sad disbelieving smiles she nodded emphatically "We didn't like each other years ago, and we haven't really gotten to know each since I've come back..." She shook her head fiercely and rushed on "I mean we don't...but that's...I just got you confused with someone else, but you guys and Lana are my best friends along with Chloe and Oliver, ok?" Her garbled words ran together, her tongue tripped over the combination of lies and truths that were spoken in her urgency to wipe the misery that was currently reflected on everyone's face.

Hearing the note of desperation in Lois' voice and seeing the hope in her eyes, they all smiled at her less than graceful lie. Given the direction their lives had taken, her feelings were understandable but not wanting to distress her unnecessarily, the men pushed their hurt aside, and sharing a swift look of unison with Chloe and their mom, they turned to her with faces that were no longer cast down.

"I'm glad because I consider you one of my best friends too." Clark smiled and bobbed his head.

"So do I." Smallville echoed and grinned.

"Me too." Lana put in relieved.

Chloe and Martha smiled at each other, turned and smiled at everyone and they all heard the relieved woosh that Lois let out when they let her off the hook.

"Good, well I feel like a cigarette, so I might go for that walk I didn't have earlier and while I'm doing so, I'll try to think of how to get Smallville home ok?" _God knows right now she really needed a smoke or ten._

"Where are you walking too dear, its dark outside?" Martha asked concerned.

"Don't worry Martha, I'm just going to the end of the driveway and back, I'll even call Shelby to keep me company." Lois smiled in return.

"I know that you can look after yourself, but you could turn your ankle on the uneven surface or something, also call me old fashioned but I'd feel more comfortable if one of the men went with you..." Not giving Lois time to answer, she turned around and patted Smallville's arm "Honey would you mind going with Lois?"

He nodded obediently, but his eyes smiled into his mom's gratefully, he quickly flashed a look at his twin who nodded almost imperceptibly, Chloe winked surreptitiously and Lana sighed in relief that her husband wasn't asked nor volunteered.

"Martha I really will be fine." Lois replied when Smallville rose to his feet then sighed at the look of inflexibility in both mother and sons eyes. Giving in with a graceful smile she walked with him to the door, and grabbing their coats, pulled the door open and stepped outside.

oOo

They stepped outside and walked down the porch steps "Are we still walking to the end of the driveway and back?" Smallville asked with a smile.

"Yeah." Lois replied digging the cigarettes out of her pocket and stopping to light it. Finding the breeze had lifted slightly she turned away, cupped her hands but still couldn't get the flame to the tip before the breeze flicked it out.

Seeing her problem, he took the lighter, and nodding in thanks, Lois kept her hands cupped as he put the flame to the tip. Once it was lit, she dragged deep, blew it out and turned to face him "Thanks."

"No problem." He smiled passing the lighter back to her.

They walked in silence for a few minutes both lost in thought. Smallville was still feeling the sting of earlier, and they absurdity of the situation didn't escape him. Only last month, he remembered that when Lois was unconscious in the Medical Centre, he'd hoped that she would be ok, and knew that if she died he would have been sad, he would grieved that a friend was dead long before her time, but that would have been the end of it. And now the tables were turned, with Clark's marriage to Lana everything had gone to hell. If anything happened to him now, Lois would feel the same way that he had 8 years ago. She would be sad at his passing, she'd be sorry, but it wouldn't affect her life unduly.

He had never wanted Lois to become despondent, giving up all hope of life and love if he was taken from her by death. He'd known that she would miss him, still love him and had felt comforted by that, but he'd never wanted his passing to cripple her. However, he now couldn't help but feel low-spirited at the knowledge that in this timeline, should anything happen to him, Lois would be less affected than if she lost the family pet.

He and Clark were feeling a lot of the same things, but not exactly; they had both lost everything but in different ways.

The past 8 years of his life were gone; effectively wiped out of existence as if he'd never lived them. He tried not to dwell on that aspect of the situation because he didn't want to slide into bitterness, but he resented like hell losing 8 years of his life. Everything that had been his was gone. Everything he'd done, accomplished, and found was gone...taken from him; the most important of which was walking beside him.

Clark had and hadn't lived with Lois in the same way he had. Yes his twin was a part of him, yes he had the dreams and the memories, but it wasn't the same. Lois had been his love, his life, but Clark could only remember how it felt to be with Lois from a distance so to speak; whereas, he remembered it from a far more personal perspective.

In the same way, their view and feelings of anger towards Lana, was turned around and they were coming at the situation from opposite directions.

Clark now knew that the life he'd lived was a lie, it shouldn't have unfolded the way that it had. His twin now knew that the woman he'd been living with, the one that he'd happily married and later bitterly regretted had tricked him.

And that's where the two of them differed dramatically. He was angry at Lana from a personal but distant standpoint, Clark was angry from a far more personal and intimate position. They were both infuriated, both hurt and resentful, but they were coming to the same heading regarding both Lois and Lana from similar, but different angles.

Because of that he had a pretty good idea of how his twin was feeling, and knew the same was true in reverse. He was proud that Clark was still managing to keep his anger hidden from his wife, but he didn't know which of them had the worse end of the deal. Clark who had to go home with Lana, and consequently had to keep up the charade for longer periods of time than he did, or himself for having to be around Lois for longer periods and pretending that he felt nothing more than friendship for her. At the light touch on his arm, his introspection was disrupted; turning to Lois he smiled.

"So tell me about your world and I promise not to interrupt before you finish." She asked with a smile.

Deciding that it wasn't the time to wallow, he shook of his feelings and got back to playing the game; giving Lois the version of his trumped-up world that he'd told Lana earlier. She listened quietly, and when he was finished, smiled "You really travelled around the world?"

"Yeah, I left shortly after Lana and Lex were divorced, and when I returned, I began to work at the Planet with you and Chloe." He replied smiling in return.

"Hottest Team in Town, huh; I like that title." Her smile turned to a grin of satisfaction.

"It was just an advertisement slogan that Perry thought up, but it stuck." He chuckled lightly in return.

"Don't rain on my parade." She reproved with a mock frown, taking a last drag on the cigarette before stubbing it out.

"Sorry." He paused and grinned devilishly "We're the best, we're great; no-one else even comes close."

"Now that's more like it; never be afraid to toot your own horn Smallville." She replied patting his back in solidarity.

He chuckled again and grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze before letting go "I don't know how many times you've told me that."

"You should listen to me." She returned with a grin and bobbing his head in agreement they walked on in silence until they reached the head of the driveway then turned around and began making their way back to the house.

"Lo about earlier." When she frowned at him, he coughed "When I said that you weren't my type."

She smiled and shook her head "Forget about it, we've never been interested in each other that way."

"I just..."

She patted his arm and rolled her eyes "Forget it already, if you were Ollie I'd worry, let's face it, if my fiancés not attracted to me then I'm in trouble, but a friend's different, ok?"

He gave her a tight smile and decided to let it go for now. He couldn't blame Lois for believing that he wasn't interested in her romantically. In this timeline, he'd never given her any reason to think otherwise.

_All the best one's always start that way_ Lana had said that to him when they were kids; and she'd reminded him of it only a few hours previously. Years ago she had intimated that he and Lois would ultimately follow the tradition of all great lovers and she had been right.

He'd never dwelt on it before, never given it so much as a second thought since he'd categorically refuted her words that day in the cave, but now he knew that she'd said it deliberately. Even though she'd secretly been dating Jason; nicely keeping that bit of news to herself, she'd still fished around until he'd satisfied her with the declaration that he wasn't interested in Lois. She'd wanted him to stroke her vanity with the assurance that no one else had managed to replace her in his affections, and he'd done exactly that.

Hindsight was a wonderful thing, he now realised that regardless of whether he'd consciously thought about it or not; _unconsciously_ he'd reacted to Lana words, just the way that she'd intended all along.

She'd said it for one reason only; to keep his eyes firmly fixed on her and to put him off ever thinking of Lois romantically. He'd told her that he couldn't stand Lois, and just to ensure that stayed true, Lana tried to make him believe that one day his feelings would change. It had been her ace in the hole. Tell someone that they'd want something, and just to be contrary they wouldn't, and he'd played right into her hands.

He'd behaved like nothing less than Pavlov's dog. He told everyone, including himself that he didn't like Lois and never would. And just to ensure Lana got the message loud and clear that he wouldn't ever love anyone but her, and to further ensure Lois also got that message despite not caring how he felt one way or the other; there'd been more than one occasion when he'd behaved like nothing less than a right prick to Lois.

He'd dismissed her, been rude, been impatient, acted like a brother; put Lana first time and again, so it was no wonder that Lois had never had the slightest romantic inclination towards him. Being nice to her occasionally, and giving her somewhere to stay when she had nowhere didn't make him a hero, it just made him a somewhat nice guy when it suited him, but it didn't wipe out all the times when he'd been an absolute shit.

Lois and Clark hadn't gotten closer in this timeline, and she also knew that his and Clark's lives only diverged upon his marriage to Lana; a marriage that had taken place while she was unconscious in the medical centre. And just to make the picture complete, Lois also knew that although he wasn't married to Lana, he had tried to get her back when she was in the hospital the same way that Clark had. A person didn't need to be Einstein to figure out why Lois believed that he was just as indifferent to her now, as he'd pointedly shown her that he was years ago.

This wasn't something that he could blame Lana for. Yes, with her words she'd given him the gun, but with his actions and attitude towards Lois, he was the one who had fired the pistol and shot himself in the foot where Lois was concerned.

Finally realising all of that helped him little. As he'd thought earlier, if they couldn't reverse what Lana had done, then he was going to fight for Lois. He just couldn't accept that he'd lost her with equanimity, but he'd have a hell of a battle on his hands. Now that he could see the situation clearly, now that he knew where he stood in Lois' affections, and now that he was no longer looking at the situation from the perspective of Lois loving him only yesterday, he knew that the odds of winning her from Oliver weren't in his favour.

They walked on in silence and when they reached the yard, found everyone standing outside the house beside Clark and Lana's cars waiting for them to get back, before the two made their departure.

"We're going to head off home, so we'll see you all tomorrow, ok?" Clark smiled, but Smallville could see that he was struggling to stay blasé, and understood that going home with Lana wasn't something that his twin was looking forward to doing.

"Yeah, tomorrow." He bobbed his head, shot his twin a look of solidarity, and was pleased when Clark's eyes became determined "So what time do you think you'll arrive, I don't mean to push, but the sooner we can work on getting me home the better."

His twin smiled "I understand and don't worry I'm usually here by 6 or 6.30, so we can start early, but Lana..." Turning to his wife "Are you working at the office tomorrow?"

She bobbed her head "But only for half a day, so I'll go home, get changed and should arrive about lunch time." Turning to at her mother in law, she smiled "Would you like me to make something for lunch tomorrow Martha?"

"That's ok dear, between Chloe and me we'll manage, but I'll probably get you to help with dinner if that's ok."

"Of course, so we'll see you all tomorrow." She said her farewell's to everyone then turned to Smallville with a smile "It was nice meeting you." He nodded and replied in kind, but when she began to reach into her purse, she realised that she didn't have it and shook her head at her own negligence "I left my purse inside; I'll just run in and get it." When Clark offered, she waved him off with a casual smile "It'll only take me a minute." And turning she made her way back to the house and inside the kitchen.

Clark was happy to be given a reprieve if only for a few minutes, in the grand scheme of things a few minutes weren't much, but he'd take whatever he could get and be grateful for it nonetheless.

In the talk and banter that continued between the five, no one noticed that Lana was taking longer than a person should just to retrieve a purse, nor that it was a good 10 minutes before she returned.

"Sorry about that, I thought I put my purse on the kitchen island, but I must have dumped it in the lounge room, I was almost frantic thinking that I'd lost it." Her face was flushed slightly, her breathing a little uneven. However, knowing just how it felt to think you'd lost your purse; even in your own house, everyone nodded in understanding.

"Hey don't forget your basket." Lois called out seeing that the only thing Clark was carrying was the dish Lana had brought the tuna casserole in.

"We'll go through it tomorrow Lo." He smiled.

She nodded in reply, nodded again when Lana thanked her, and with a last farewell, the two climbed into their respective cars and were soon on their way; while the four walked back into the house.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Clark drove behind Lana wondering what he could do to get out of sleeping beside her that night. Unfortunately nothing came to mind. Just 10 years ago, hell less than that, he would have done anything, made up any excuse just to be close to her, and now he was just as desperate to find any reason to stay away.

His mind churned, discarding one excuse after another, and by the time he pulled into the driveway behind her car, knew that there was no hope for it; he'd have to sleep beside her and there was nothing he could do about it. As he'd said earlier, he'd do anything if it meant getting his life back, but he hoped that Lana didn't try to instigate anything between them. She usually didn't except when Lois was around, that was when she tended to try, and that was when he always said no, and this time would be no different. Sighing he turned off the ignition, climbed out of the car, joined her at the front door and after unlocking it, ushered her inside.

oOo

Lana drove on automatic pilot, her eyes stayed vigilant on the roads but her mind was otherwise occupied. They'd almost fooled her, they'd almost completely taken her in, and she didn't know whether to feel scared or sad that everyone, including her husband had lied right to her face; everyone except for Lois that is.

Lois was also in the dark, Lois was also being lied to and she didn't know whether to feel scared about that as well. However, she knew that if Lois was being kept in the dark about the true state of affairs just as she was, then the reason had to be important. It may or may not be for the same reasons, but it was important.

She took one deep breath after another, attempting to calm her racing heart. She wanted to believe that Clark hadn't lied to her, that he was also ignorant of the facts, but couldn't. That possibility didn't seem likely; no she knew that it was only herself and Lois that were being duped.

After she'd retrieved her purse and before rejoining everyone outside for their final goodnights, she'd kept reminding herself that she just had to get through a few minutes, that was all, just a few minutes and then half the battle would be over. But those few minutes were going to be hard.

She felt like she'd been hit by a ton of bricks, and wasn't being given the luxury of time to recover. Unless she could disguise her upset in a way that wouldn't arouse suspicion, the two men would know instantly that she was troubled. But if she could just mange to get through without tipping her hand, then the only other hurdle she had to face was Clark. He'd be the hardest one to fool, but at least she'd have the drive home to restore her composure before having to face him directly. Once she was home, she could make an excuse to be alone, and could then think clearly.

Well she'd made it through the first part, but Clark wasn't an idiot, there wouldn't be anyone else around to distract him once they were home. Her agitation began rise at the prospect of being the sole recipient of her husband's attention. Hoping to drown out her thoughts, and at the same time sooth her jangled nerves she quickly switched on some palliative, relaxing music, and for the rest of the drive attempted to keep her mind completely blank.

She pulled into the driveway, switched off the ignition, grabbed her purse, and took a couple of deep breaths. When Clark's headlight's swung into the driveway behind hers, she closed her eyes, took a couple more deep breaths, climbed out of the car and waited for her husband at the front door, smiling in thanks when he opened it, and ushered her in ahead of himself.

"It's still early, so I'm going to take a shower then maybe do some painting, what about you?" She asked casually following Clark into the kitchen.

He put the dish away, turned and smiled "I'll have a shower after you and watch some TV."

"Why don't you go first, you'll only take a couple minutes, and will more than likely be done before I've even walked into the bedroom to grab a nightie."

"Ok, thanks." She nodded, placed her purse on the kitchen table, walked into the bedroom and sure enough, Clark stepped out of the bathroom, freshly showered wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Do you want me to put the kettle on so when your showers done, you can have a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah thanks, we can have some cookies or a slice of the chocolate cake I made yesterday as well." He nodded and walked out of the room, and once she was alone, let her shoulders relax slightly.

She grabbed a night dress, some fresh underwear, stepped into the bathroom, closed the door, undressed, pinned up her hair, stepped into the shower, turned on the taps and once assured that she no longer needed to hide, lifted her face to the spray and let the tears that she'd been holding back slide from under her closed lids, but kept the sobs trapped within her chest.

Her husband didn't trust her, he was her life, he was everything to her, but he clearly didn't return the sentiment. Once upon a time, he'd felt about her the way she now felt about him. At one time it hadn't been trust that had held him back, but fear that she wouldn't be able to accept him, but that was no longer the case. This time it was simply a lack of trust, and this time she felt the hurt in her heart more than she ever had before.

Once the tears abated, she let the water continue beating down against her face for a few moments before leaning against the shower wall.

She'd told them truth earlier, when she'd first stepped inside the house she did have to look for her purse, but it had only taken her a minute to find it. It had been lying on the floor beside the kitchen island, obviously having been knocked off the bench and forgotten. She'd retrieved it and had begun to turn back to the door, her eyes sweeping over the countertop absently when she spied Clark's wallet sitting on the island, almost shadowed by the two oversized gift baskets. She'd picked it up intending to return it her husband, but when she opened it, she'd been completely floored, and had to lean against the kitchen island for support.

This was not her husband's wallet; Clark didn't have photos of himself and Lois. One photo was off Lois alone, but the other, god the other. It had clearly been taken while they were unaware of anyone but each other. What made it even worse was that she'd seen this before, she had seen them like this before, and although her eyes were unable to shift from the picture, her mind couldn't concentrate enough to think where.

Clark's arms were around Lois' waist from behind, she had one arm lifted, with her hand sitting on his cheek, and they were just looking at each other, but their look spoke volumes. And if you could get past that, you saw the hand that Lois had left resting on the arms around her waist was sporting an engagement ring. She'd flipped through the wallet then closed her eyes. Her husband also didn't have a drivers licence with a Metropolis address on it, and he most certainly didn't have a journalist pass.

She'd placed the wallet back just as she found it, turned to look out the window and now that she knew the truth, she looked at her husband's twin with fresh eyes, and saw all that she'd missed earlier. She'd been so focused on Clark, that once Smallville had told her about his life, said that he wasn't interested in Lois she'd believed him, simply because he'd sounded so sincere, and truth be told, it was also what she'd wanted to hear. After that it was her husband that she'd been concerned with, but now that she knew, she could see that Smallville's whole manner to Lois was pretence. He acted like Lois was just a friend, but he was far from indifferent to the woman.

She'd rushed to the bathroom as a reason to explain her delay should anyone come to find her, but it took several minutes to calm her racing heart. If she went outside now the men would know immediately that she was upset, and would become suspicious why, unless she could think of a reason to fob them off. She'd put the lid down on the toilet seat, sat down and forced herself to moderate the turmoil she could feel building.

She had to think of a reason why her pulse was fluttering, but found it hard to think of anything. All she could see in her mind's eye was the photo of Smallville and Lois. The look on his face had been close to veneration bound up in happiness, and as for Lois... She knew the woman had loved Clark before their lives were changed, but as Lois was a master of hiding her emotions, and keeping her deepest feelings hidden, she'd thought; hell she'd thought that Lois' love for Clark had been a pale imitation of the real thing, and at best that the woman had settled for Clark because she couldn't do any better. However, in that photo, nothing had been hidden and for the first time, she had seen the raw naked emotion on Lois face, displaying her love for him.

She forced herself to breath deep, inhale...hold it...exhale, inhale...hold it...exhale and when she felt somewhat calmer, stood up, looked in the mirror and pinched her cheeks to bring back some colour into her otherwise pale complexion. She couldn't take much longer, Clark would come looking for her, and the only reason she could come up with that had any credibility to cover both her delay and her jumping pulse, was thinking that her purse was lost. After taking one last deep breath, she opened the bathroom door, walked down the hall and stepped outside.

She'd stood on the porch for a moment, before slowly walking down the steps to rejoin everyone, and while observing them couldn't believe how naive, how blind she had been. Both her husband and his twin were casually watching Lois while she spoke with their mom and Chloe, but no matter how detached they tried to be, if you knew how they felt, it was there for the world to see. Both men carried the look of seeing something that was infinitely precious and altogether out of their reach. When Lois laughed and stepped back, right into Smallville's path, then quickly spun around to apologise before turning back to Martha to continue talking, he betrayed himself. His hand lifted slightly towards Lois as if to reach out to her, to touch, then a moment later his arm dropped heavily to his side, and his fist clenched tight.

She didn't know how the hell she'd missed it earlier, but knowing that the only way she could possibly hide that she was still reeling from her discovery was to leave post haste, she quickly stepped towards her car, determined that her departure wasn't going to be delayed for any reason. However, when Lois reminded them about the basket, she knew that she had to say something. Holding tight to her control, she paused long enough to thank Lois for their present, called out cheerful last goodnights, climbed into her car and drove. But now that she was alone, now that she could think, she didn't know what to think or do, her mind refused to settle, jumping from one thing to another.

She couldn't hide in the shower all night, she had to get out, and then casually but without wasting any time, make her excuses to Clark and retreat to the spare room. Grabbing the shower puff, she filled it liberally with body wash, soaped herself down, rinsed off, turned off the taps, stepped out, dried off, put on her nightdress and stepped back into the bedroom, grateful that Clark wasn't there.

After giving her hair a quick brush through, and pulling on her robe she left the bedroom, found Clark sitting in front of the TV, walked into the kitchen, made herself a cup of camomile tea, him a coffee and took it to him.

He took the cup with a smile "Thanks, I was going to make it, but thought it would have been cold by the time you got out."

She nodded and smiled "It's ok, I know, would you like a slice of cake?"

"Yes please."

She returned to the kitchen, cut him a piece of cake, gave it to him and smiled when he thanked her again "I'll just be in the spare room, I feel like painting but don't know what, so I'm going to look through my books for ideas; any suggestions?"

"No, you usually paint nice stuff so I'll leave it to you." She nodded and after retrieving her tea left him watching TV, went into the spare room and closed the door behind her. Knowing that he could either come in at any time, or just turn around in his seat to see what she was doing, she took a seat at her desk, pulled a couple of her arts books forward and began to idly flip through the pages of one. Hopefully this would be enough to foster the impression that she was totally absorbed in deciding what she wanted to paint while her mind once again churned and swirled at what she'd learnt that night.

If she hadn't found Smallville's wallet, hadn't seen the pictures she would have believed him, he'd played his part that well, but now that she did know, she took apart every moment of the evening and looked at it from all angles.

Smallville loved Lois, but that wasn't all, he was obviously the man that he was talking about earlier. He was the man that Lois had been dating when Oliver wanted her back. He was the man that Lois was happy with, the man she loved. And by the ring on her finger, he was engaged to the Lois in his own world, he had to be. There was no way another man would cheerfully allow Smallville to hold his fiancé in such an embrace, while the two of them looked at each other so lovingly.

He was engaged to Lois, and he was either hiding it from everyone, or they all knew and were hiding it from her. Lois didn't know, of that she was certain, but she was just as convinced that Clark, Chloe and Martha did.

No wonder he'd been so dismayed when Lois heard him say that he wasn't attracted to her, and no wonder he'd asked Lois about her relationship with Oliver. And it was their very conversations about Oliver that told her, that she and Lois were the only ones who were being deceived.

Clark had to know, normally whenever the conversation was about Lois and Oliver, he either changed the subject or made an excuse to the leave the room, but this time he'd stayed, listened and even asked a few questions. She hadn't even picked up on that at the time, but she should have. Martha was the one who nicely but firmly stopped her from asking Lois when she was intending to marry; and Chloe was the one who'd stepped in when she tried to encourage Smallville to get Lois back with Oliver when he returned to his own world.

They all knew that Smallville and Lois were engaged, and everyone was hiding it, but since there was no logical reason why they should do so, then the only reason she could think of why they would do that, had to be because of her.

All of which meant that her husband's twin must be the same Clark that had been engaged to Lois before she'd changed their pasts. She closed her eyes and brought back the memories of her other self; it was easy to do since she'd always kept them sharp so that she wouldn't mess up as she had done previously. Earlier she could barely think straight, but now she was able to recall everything clearly, and almost immediately she knew that Smallville had to be the man who'd told her goodbye the day after Christmas so many years ago. It was the only thing that made sense. There was no other reason why he should hide his relationship to Lois from her that she could think of.

As Clark had been engaged to Lois before she'd changed their pasts, this world must have been created because of that event. In Smallville's world Lana had married Lex, Clark had told her that, he'd also said that his twin's life and his were the same until they got married so Smallville had to be the Clark who told her goodbye or...oh god, or her husband and his twin were both the same man. It was only _yesterday_ that Smallville had suddenly appeared in this world, so in his time it was only _yesterday_ when her older self had gone to the past and stopped her from marrying Lex. It hadn't been years since he told her goodbye, for him it had only been days. Martha hadn't agreed with Lois when she said they would all work together to send him back to his own world, she'd said they would return him to the loved one's he'd been with only _yesterday_; and Chloe had seconded what Martha had said.

Oh god...they were the same man, Smallville wasn't from another world, there was no other world, he was Clark, and Clark was him. Fuck! That's why Clark was so accepting of his twin, even knowing the man was engaged to Lois, oh Fuck!

When she'd found the spell that allowed her to go to the past to change their lives, she'd known the risks were high and that's why she'd hesitated using it. One of the risks was the possibility that Clark could be split, but that's all it had been, a possibility. It shouldn't have applied, not to them. When she'd decided to use the spell, she hadn't really believed it would happen. When they were teenagers Clark had told her that he loved her, that she was everything to him, so she knew that he'd meant it. She KNEW. Lois had messed with his head, but that was when they were older, after she'd hurt him with her marriage to Lex, but before that Clark had loved her completely.

It should only have happened if Clark didn't really love her, if he'd any doubts they belonged together, but when they were younger he never had; never. If there was any part of him that had reservations about them, he would be rent asunder; the part of him that did from part of him that didn't. She hadn't believed it, when they were younger she'd doubted him at times, she'd even doubted his love for her on occasion, but when she was older, she knew that he had loved her, and she'd spoilt it all. So although she hadn't believed it was possible, she'd catered for it anyway. She'd put contingency plans in place to prevent that very thing from happening just in case.

At the time she'd thought the risk was worth taking. Clark had told her goodbye, he'd told her that he didn't want her to come and see him anymore, and as she'd already lost him, she thought that she had nothing left to lose, and decided that the rewards far outweighed the risks. This happening hadn't even been her biggest worry because she really didn't think it was possible. Magic wasn't an exact science, there were variables and factors that had to be taken into account, but she'd thought that if she could control the situation, that this wouldn't happen but it had; god it had.

She swallowed hard, rested an elbow on the table and rubbed her forehead, Smallville wasn't from another world, he was from this world, and Lois had been his fiancée. The photo she'd seen had been taken at their engagement party. That's where she'd seen it; she had seen the photo and had not only been shocked, but had experienced a strong sense of déjà vu and now she knew why. The night of their engagement party was one that she wouldn't forget; she'd spent all that evening in turns feeling miserable, and at others blissful. Miserable when she was brought back to reality, blissful when she could pretend that it was hers and Clark's engagement party. She'd watched while Clark had danced with Lois, unable to take her eyes of him. She'd barely even noticed Lois, she'd only seen him, and had ached to feel his arms around her, wishing that he was holding and looking at her like that.

She'd watched while they swayed to the music, completely oblivious to everyone else, her heart hurting and burning, which was made all the more acute when Clark twirled Lois around carefully, then brought her back, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and continued to sway them both gently to the music, while nuzzling his cheek against hers. It had been the only time she had ever seen them behave romantically in public, and when Lois lifted her hand to his cheek, then turned and lifted her face to his, and he'd looked down at her; she'd imagined herself in Lois place. She didn't know who had taken the photo, but she remembered watching them, and feeling a burning sense of jealousy and loss that he'd never looked at her like that.

She took a deep careful breath, picked up her cup with a hand that shook slightly and sipped at the tea, hoping the calming blend would help restore her equilibrium, and the take away the ache in her heart from remembering that night once again.

She kept sipping at the tea, pushed one book aside, reached for another, and began to flip though the pages, forcing herself to look at the pictures of tranquil oceans and calming scenery until her mind settled. Once she managed to push the mental picture of them from her mind, she determinedly kept her mind clear of anything but the matter at hand.

Why Smallville was hiding his relationship from Lois was a mystery, but he was. However, Lois bringing up Bewitched now struck her as being a lot more important than it had at the time. Then she'd thought it was just the usual Lois chatter about nothing very relevant, but now the only reason she could think of for why it had been brought up, and why they would all lie to her had to be because they didn't trust her. And the only reason she could come up with for that, was because they either knew or suspected that she'd done something, or...she couldn't think of an or; nothing else came to mind.

Lois had clearly been told some of their suspicions but she hadn't been told everything, not if Smallville was hiding their relationship from her. There was no reason to do so on the surface. He could have told Lois, she could have laughed about it and the two could have discussed the differences between their two worlds. But no one had laughed when she and Lois dropped the bombshell that the woman didn't consider Clark Kent a best or even close friend. Both men had been upset by that, and so had Chloe and Martha.

Her husband she could understand, he was infatuated with the woman, so it would be natural for him to be sad when he realised that Lois didn't consider them close. But Smallville didn't have that excuse. He said that he was best friends with the Lois from his world, and if this wasn't his world, then how Lois regarded him shouldn't matter unduly, because she wasn't the Lois he knew. Yet along with her husband, he'd been crushed and Chloe and Martha had also looked despondent at the revelation, and the only reason that could be, was because this was his world, Lois had been his fiancée, and somehow, in some way when she'd changed their lives; she'd messed up.

She'd messed up big time. If she could control the situation there wouldn't be any problems, that's what she'd thought, but she hadn't taken everything into account. She'd taken a misstep, just like she had the last time, but this time the consequences were far bigger.

Clark occasionally dreamt, it wasn't often but every now and again but when he did, he spoke out loud, and when he did that, he always spoke to Lois. She hadn't used magic on Clark the day they got married. She'd gone to him, she'd asked him to elope but he'd been happy to do so, and she'd never coerced him to do it.

If her husband and his twin were one in the same person, and she was now positive they were, that could only mean that Smallville was Superman; and he must have told Clark, Chloe and Martha not only about his relationship with Lois, but about his life. The only thing she could do now was to keep hoping that Clark didn't remember his dreams. He'd never spoken to her about them, but considering she'd made it clear that she didn't want him to do anything with his powers, he wouldn't have felt comfortable talking to her if he'd dreamt about being Superman. And she knew that he had, because she'd heard him; but he'd never told her because he knew that she wouldn't have supported him.

She couldn't, she'd only ever had two real fears; one was that if Clark used his powers and became Superman he'd remember his former life. The other was Lois; she'd always dreaded Lois remembering her love for Clark and trying to take him away from her, she'd been even more scared of that when her husband fell victim to the woman's charms once again.

When she'd come that day as her older self, she'd been open and frank telling her younger self all about her life, and as promised she'd done a spell so that the memories of her former life trickled through as the years passed. So she knew that when she returned to her own time after saying goodbye to her younger self, she hadn't just gone home and sat around waiting for her life to change.

She remembered arriving back in her kitchen, looking around and feeling so happy that she'd spoken to her younger self, so relieved that her life was going to change for the better. Clark and she would be together again, and this time she wouldn't mess up. She would do everything in her power to make him happy, to make sure that he knew how much she loved him. Soon she'd be married to Clark, her marriage to Lex would never happen and this time when she said her vows, she'd mean them with every bit of her heart. She felt almost giddy with joy, wanting to laugh and shout but knowing that her time was limited, had all but raced up the stairs, taken a quick shower and sped back down to the kitchen.

As she'd told younger Lana, right now there were three timelines going at once, and they all needed to be brought back into alignment. Younger Lana was taking care of the first part by going to Clark and eloping with him, she had to wake Lois up in 2007 because her younger self didn't know how to do it, and once those two things happened, her current timeline would disappear and all would be the way it should. She didn't technically have to wake Lois up, it wouldn't make any difference to her one way or the other if the woman was gone for good, but she'd promised her younger self that she'd do it and really had no desire to go back on her word. After all, she wanted Lois to see just how happy Clark was going to be with her, and that was impossible if the woman was still unconscious, but maybe taking out a little insurance first wouldn't hurt.

Yes, she'd always believed deep in her heart that Clark didn't really love Lois, he tried to, he wanted to, but he didn't. However, there had never been a doubt in her mind that Lois loved Clark; even if it was only with half a heart, she loved him. And if the woman remembered that, she could once again be a threat to her happiness. Lois was ruthless, if she ever remembered that she had been engaged to Clark, she wouldn't hesitate to try and steal him from her again. More than likely the woman would try to seduce him away, just as she'd done once already.

She'd cautioned her younger self not to let Clark become Superman; it was something that was so innate in him, so much a part of him that he would surely remember everything if he did that. Changing their lives was a huge step, and one that had a number of risks attached; Clark and Lois were the biggest factors in causing the risks, not the only; but the biggest. Her younger self would take care of the Superman part, but as for Lois there was really only one thing that could be done; one that would hopefully seal the deal and make everything air tight. Lois had to forget ever loving Clark, had to forget that she'd ever had romantic feelings for him at all, and the only one way to ensure that was by magic.

As Clark would never become Superman, Lois wouldn't even remember that side of him, so that was covered; but she had to ensure that when she did the spell, that she did it right. This wasn't a simple forget spell that she had to do, love was one of the hardest emotions to control; and the one most people tended to cling to when they lost everything else. But it was the only safeguard that she could put in place to keep Lois from ever becoming a threat. She might never be one, and when Clark and she were safely wed, Lois would be nothing to him because their lives would be changed, but it didn't hurt to be sure.

She'd raced back up the stairs, opened her trunk, pulled out everything she had, dumped all the vials and boxes on the bed, and sorted through them. Once she had what was required, she took it all back to the kitchen, and automatically reached for her book. However, almost immediately she remembered that she didn't have it, she'd left it behind with her younger self, thinking that she wouldn't need it any longer since her life was going to be changed.

She blew out a deep breath, closed her eyes, and concentrated. She could do this, she didn't need the book. She knew how to do a forget spell by heart, she knew how to do a love spell. All she had to do was merge the two, and change the love spell into an anti one; that was all.

Once she was sure of what had to be done, she quickly mixed the ingredients together, took one last deep breath, performed the spell and had no sooner finished, then she reversed the one keeping Lois unconscious, and when she was finished, she let her shoulders relax. She couldn't do anything more, the only thing she had left to do was the spell that would allow her memories to be transferred to younger Lana. She was determined that her younger self get her memories, she didn't want to make the same mistakes again and again, but neither did she want her to get the memories in one huge rush. She would get them as she got older, she would get them right up to this point in time.

She picked up her purse, took out the copy of the spell she'd written, followed the directions carefully for what was required, then performed the spell, and after she was finished she'd retreated upstairs and lay down. Although she wasn't afraid knowing that her life was going to cease in this timeline, she preferred to be asleep when it happened. She might or might not even notice anything happening, but it was still kind of spooky, and she much preferred the option of not being conscious at the time. Her life had not turned out the way she'd expected it to, it had been full of heartache and disappointment, she wanted to forget about it, wanted to leave it all behind and she had.

But now it had all come home to roost. She could reverse this spell but she didn't want to. She didn't want to become the woman she had been, the one who'd loved Clark but had lost him through her own foolishness. She didn't want to become the woman whose eyes had been full of sorrow the day they'd met at Crater Lake, and she didn't want to be the woman that Clark had said goodbye to.

The only thing she could do to retain that which was hers, was to find a way to correct whatever mistake she'd made, but without reversing the original spell. She had to find a way to merge the two men back together, and right now she had no idea how to do that. Lois wasn't a worry, she didn't know about her prior relationship with Clark, or Smallville, and as she clearly wasn't interested in him romantically, the spell she'd used that day had worked. No matter how jealous she was of the woman, she knew that Lois didn't love her husband.

But Lois could be a worry in another way, whether she remembered loving Clark once upon a time or not, Smallville wouldn't be content allowing her to live in ignorance for long. Years ago she'd believed that Clark hadn't really loved Lois, not really, and maybe her husband was only infatuated with the woman, after all he had no memories of his former life, but Smallville had only been with Lois yesterday, and she knew how stubborn her husband could be, which meant that his twin was the same way. Smallville wouldn't stand back and let Lois marry Oliver, not without fighting for her; the photo had told her that. Whenever her husband looked at Lois he'd tried to hide how he felt, and right now his twin was doing the same thing. However, she didn't believe that Smallville would be willing to stand in the background for long.

She'd always known that if Clark ever found out what she'd done, that he'd leave her. He hated deception, and wouldn't appreciate that she'd only done it from desperation. It wouldn't matter that she'd only tried to bring back the happiness that had been stolen from them. He'd be angry and hurt, and wouldn't look on any heartfelt plea she made with favour.

Tomorrow morning after Clark left for the farm she'd call the office, and beg off work with the excuse that she wasn't feeling well. Afterwards she could take her time, think everything through carefully and decide which problem she had to tackle first; right now she could see a multitude of them.

She had to merge the men back into one and she had to ensure that Clark never found out what she did. She could only hope that no one knew Smallville didn't have a world to go back to, and she had to find a way to get Lois married to Oliver quick smart.

Oh hell, she couldn't take her time, she was due at the farm by lunch time, and now she had another problem; time was going to be her enemy. If she'd only found the wallet earlier, if only she'd told Clark that she wasn't sure when she would join them, she could have taken her time and spent the whole day looking for a solution, but she no longer had that luxury. She'd take the morning, and if Clark called her, she'd just tell him that after he'd left for the farm she'd felt unwell. If necessary she'd tell him that she was going to stay in bed rather than joining them all, but she didn't want to do that either. Now that she knew the truth, she had to stay vigilant, and the only way to do that, was to be where everyone else was.

She wanted to start tonight but couldn't. Not only was Clark at home but she needed to think about it with a clear head, and at the moment she was still feeling shaky and vulnerable. It would have to wait until tomorrow, no matter how much it chafed. Picking up her empty cup, she walked out of the spare room into the lounge room, and found Clark still watching TV.

She brushed a hand over his shoulder, felt him tense and hid the hurt she felt at his reaction to her touch "I'm going to bed ok."

He turned and smiled "I'll be along later; I'm not tired just yet." As she reached for his cup, he shook his head, and took hers from her hand "Don't worry about washing up, I'll take care of it, ok?"

"Ok, thanks." She bent down, brushed his lips with hers then smiled "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He returned quietly and turned back to the screen.

She took one step away, shook her head, leant down, tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned his head, pressed her lips firmly against his, then pulled back to look into his eyes, ignoring the swirling emotion she could see in their depths "I love you Clark."

He nodded and his lips lifted in a faint smile "I know Lana."

She smiled once again then turned and left the room, walked into the bedroom and slipped under the covers, to run her hand over his side. He hadn't responded, when she'd kissed him he hadn't responded at all. His mouth hadn't opened even a little, he hadn't in anyway tried to deepen the kiss and closing her eyes, she turned over and prayed that somehow, in some way, tomorrow she could find a way to fix whatever she'd done wrong and try to get her life back; the one she'd already fought so hard for.

oOo

Clark pretended absorption in the TV program the same way he'd been doing since sitting down. He'd kept an ear on Lana's pulse the whole time they'd been home but had detected nothing unusual. Once or twice it had risen but when he checked, saw that the pictures she was looking at weren't conductive to calm. He'd checked on her a number of times, and each time found her idly flipping through one or another of her art books, obviously trying to find inspiration on what to paint. However, she didn't look like she was even paying attention to the pictures she was looking at.

Yeah he was suspicious, but he was used to her being both withdrawn and possessive every time he saw Lois. When she'd kissed him the second time it had been unexpected, but he hadn't been startled. He'd gotten used to the way she acted whenever they saw Lois, and was grateful she didn't try to instigate anything more than a kiss. She must have felt his lack of response, and would hopefully put it down to being caught by surprise. When she'd run the tip of her tongue along the seam of his lips, he'd firmly kept his lips closed until she lifted her mouth from his.

He kept his ear steadily on her pulse, and once he was sure that she was sleeping deeply, turned around and checked to find her lying on her side of her bed fast asleep, and let out the deep sigh that he'd been holding.

This was what he'd dreaded all day, coming home and spending time with her, so when she'd told him that she wanted to work on her painting, he'd felt nothing but relief that she hadn't wanted to talk about either Lois or Smallville. He knew that she'd believed them earlier, but didn't feel it was time to relax completely.

How could he, he'd learnt enough this day to make his blood pressure shoot through the roof, and it was all courtesy of his wife. Scrubbing his hands hard over his face, he sighed once again. Lois actually thought that Lana was one of his best friends, he wanted to laugh at that, and would have, if it hadn't been so damned farcical.

Even at the height of his enthrallment with Lana, she'd never been his friend. He'd said that she was, he'd insisted that she was, but she never had been. His dreams had clearly told him that he and Lois had been best friends, not just lovers, but he and Lana had skipped the friendship stage altogether, and had gone straight for the romance. Years ago they'd hardly ever talked about something that wasn't related to them or their relationship, so it was no wonder they now struggled to find anything to say to each other.

He and Lois talked about everything under the sun; they'd done so years ago before, they'd done so after he came back and after they got involved they talked about their relationship at different times, depending on the situation. However, it had never been the only thing on their minds, nor had it ever dominated their conversations to the exclusion of everything else.

And now thanks to his loving wife, he no longer had a life that could be called his own, he no longer had a fiancé, and he was also a best friend short. Turning back around, he looked into the bedroom again, shook his head then turned back to the TV.

He didn't want to know if Lana was responsible, he wanted to know how to fix things, but he wasn't sure that he wanted his suspicions of her culpability confirmed. Regardless of what his twin and mom had said, he still believed that Lana had known that he was engaged to Lois in the future the day she came to him. He still believed that she was aware right now of what her older self had done, but he didn't want to know. At the moment he was able to push his anger down deep and treat her with civility, but if he found out that she had known all along, he wasn't sure that he could continue to mask his fury.

If he found out for certain that she had known, but had continued to let him live in misery, had held onto him knowing that he loved Lois, and worse had kept her tied to him even though she was the one who had separated him from Lois in the first place, he honestly wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold back all the pain he'd been feeling for years, nor the anger and heartache he'd felt since learning that his life had been toyed with and stolen by her.

Scrubbing his hands over his face once again, he sighed and settled more comfortably into the cushions. He had to sleep beside her, and he would go to bed when he was ready, but right now he felt far from that.

oOo

The four trooped back into the house and had no sooner stepped inside the kitchen then Chloe turned to her cousin with lifted brows and smirked. Seeing the look on Chloe's face; Martha and Smallville waited in anticipation.

Not knowing what was coming but having a pretty good idea, Lois pretended not to notice and turned to Martha with a smile, quickly looked at Smallville from the corner of her eye but finding both of them smiling at Chloe; she quickly opened her mouth to make an observation, but was beaten to the punch by her cousin.

"Bewitched Lo; that was the best you could come up with?" Chloe asked casually, leaning back against the sink.

She cleared her throat "What?"

"Don't try and play innocent because you just can't pull it off." Smallville interposed, leaning back against the sink beside Chloe, and crossing his arms.

She cleared her throat again "I don't know what you're talking about." She felt the heat sting her cheeks and turned to Martha for help, but at the twinkle in the older woman's eye, she looked down at the kitchen island and began to run a finger back and forth absently over the bench top, pretending to find the wood grain absolutely fascinating.

"I think they're talking about how you tried to find out if Lana was a witch or not." Martha put in with a light chuckle.

She bent down and looked harder at the bench top, missing the looks of amusement flying between the three "I was just making conversation."

"Uh huh, so what were you about to ask when I stopped you?" Smallville asked politely. When she stood up straight, and turned to face him, she found his lips were twitching and his brows lifted in polite enquiry.

She coughed lightly, and replied shamefaced "I was going to ask what everyone would prefer to be; a genie or a witch."

He chuckled and nodded "I had a feeling."

She smiled at them all abashed, felt the pink on her cheeks turn hot and surrendered "Ok, so I didn't exactly um...ok, so I pretty much sucked at trying to inconspicuously make Lana spill the truth..." They all nodded rapidly, she pouted "Don't worry I'm not going to say anything more, I've decided that just helping you get back home is how I can be more useful."

"I appreciate it." Smallville replied and let out the grin that he'd valiantly been suppressing.

Chloe and Martha looked at each other and began to chuckle, and shaking their heads, the three began to clear the table of cups, spoons and coffee pot for washing. Figuring that she could help out too, Lois reached up, pulled the ribbon from one of the baskets, un-wrapped the cellophane and began to pull the items out one at a time.

Chloe turned around, saw what her cousin was doing, tapped Smallville and Martha on the shoulders, gestured with her head, and all three turned to watch as Lois lifted one item from the basket, wrinkled her nose, put it back into the basket, took out another, smiled and set it on the bench next to herself. They all looked at each other with mile wide grins, looked at Lois once again, and unable to hold it in any longer, Smallville huffed out a laugh.

Hearing the amused snort, Lois' head whipped up to find three pairs of eyes looking at her with interest. "I'm helping."

"Helping yourself more like." Chloe replied straight faced.

"No, I'm helping the guys and Lana, if I don't open this up no-one will take what they particularly want." Her hand inched closer to a particular box sitting on the bench top, and knocking it casually aside, she smiled "Now Smallville come over here, take a seat and let's see what you want."

They all took seats around the island, and just to see what she'd do, he reached around her, picked up the box she'd pushed to the side, and smiled "Well I really love these." He turned to show his mom and Chloe, both ladies nodded and bit their lips, and turning back to Lois, he saw the avaricious glint in her eye, that the chocolate covered roast almonds, was the one thing that no one but she was getting their hands on.

Lois frowned lightly, and shook her head "I don't know how those got in there, I've had them before, the chocolate tastes cheap, and the whole brand is really inferior; you won't like them." With a soft sigh, she took the box from his hand casually, and placed it to her far side once again, then swept her hand towards the basket and the other goodies lying on the bench top "But there's heaps of other stuff, so I'm sure you'll find something that you like."

If Lois wasn't such a bad actress, and if he didn't know that she loved that brand of chocolate almonds, he still wouldn't have believed her.

Nodding seriously and ignoring the choked gurgle coming from both his mom and Chloe, he picked through the basket, took out the box of Lindt chocolate, swept his eyes to the side, saw Lois' tongue swipe over her lips at the item in his hand, and stretching around her, picked up the box of almonds once again "I don't mind cheap chocolate, and the Lindt will make a nice balance to it, so I'll just take these; Clark and Lana can have the rest."

She didn't look at him, her eyes moved back and forth over both items in his hands, and reaching up, she tried to take them from him. Her frown grew deeper when he didn't let go; and when she looked at him, saw a smile of appreciation on his face.

"Thanks Lo, I really love these." He didn't know how in hell he was managing to keep his composure. Lois didn't even seem to realise that she was still trying to tug the items out of his hands.

She nodded and absently tugged once again "You shouldn't eat this much chocolate by yourself, you'll get fat."

He snorted, the two ladies giggled.

"I've never had to worry about my weight, but thanks for being concerned." And after gently but firmly removing the items from her grasp, he placed them down on the bench, on the far side away from Lois.

Her brow wrinkled deeper "If you don't get fat, you'll get pimples; lots of them."

"I've never had to worry about them either." He replied straight-faced and turning to his mom with a look of unholy glee, informed her seriously "You'd better not eat yours though mom, Lois thinks you'll get fat...or pimples."

Ignoring Lois' shocked gasp, Martha nodded gravely "Well, why don't you have the ones that are in my basket too honey..."

Lois gurgled in outrage and cut in ruthlessly "No!" When they all turned to her with polite expressions of interest, she frowned unhappily "I'm hurt that you're trying to give my present away Martha, you should keep all the stuff in your basket for yourself. Smallville has more than enough; more than..." she replied shooting him a look then turning back to the elder Kent "I'll help you un-wrap your basket tomorrow when he's not around."

Hearing the almost despairing tone in Lois' voice that Smallville was going to get all the yummy treats that she'd earmarked for herself, the three could no longer hold it in and began to scream with laughter.

Once the laughter died down, he opened the box of almonds, and offered them around "You probably don't want any Lo, considering they taste cheap and all."

She shook her head "I'll give them another try, maybe the batch I had was dodgy."

Nodding he tipped one in her hand, and had to bite his cheek to stop the laughter when she simply kept her hand held out for more. Giving in, he tipped another into her hand, ignoring her mutter of 'scrooge' and while they all enjoyed the treat, small talk was exchanged.

After yawning for the third time, Lois hopped off the stool, "I thought my nap earlier would have kept me awake, but I'm still sleepy, so I'll see you all in the morning, ok?"

"You don't want some supper dear?"

She declined amidst another yawn and after giving everyone sleepy goodnights, casually picked up the box of chocolate almonds and turned away, hoping to make it up the stairs.

The three watched as Lois coolly palmed the box of chocolates, shared one incredulous laughter filled smirk, and after winking at the women Smallville all but sang out "Lois."

Swearing silently under her breath, she swung around and looked at him innocently.

He pointed to the hand she kept behind her back and smiled gently "I think you've got my chocolate almonds in your hand."

"I was just...I thought." At the twitching lips of all three, she sighed, walked back and handed them over "I thought the box was empty and was going to throw it away for you."

"Thanks, but I can do that." He shook the box gently, heard the almonds rattle around and saw the disappointed pout on her face "There's still a few left, so we'll finish them up before going to bed, right ladies?" He turned to his mom and Chloe, they both nodded but were unable to speak without laughing, so only replied with a "Mmmm" and sighing one last time Lois gave up, and with a final wave, retreated up the stairs.

Once they were sure the coast was clear, the three shared a quiet chuckle and when their laughter died down, the two women looked at him "Other than Lois' antics; which is normal and the only thing bearable about this whole situation, how are you holding up?" Chloe asked quietly.

He sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged "Not too good if you want the truth, it's hard being around Lo and not treating her the way I normally would, y'know?" The ladies gave him sympathetic smiles, and he shrugged once again "I just keep reminding myself that we're going to figure this out soon, and I'll have my fiancé back."

"You will Clark." Martha said softly, reaching over to pick up his hand "You will honey, Chloe and I aren't going to give up until this is solved, I promise you that."

Hearing the resolution in his mom's voice, seeing the look of determination on his friends face, he nodded "Thanks, I know that this is only the first day that we know the truth, and last night we had no idea, but I don't think I could take this for long."

"You won't Smallville, before you arrived we had no idea that anything was wrong at all. We knew that Clark was unhappy but we didn't know that he'd been dreaming about the life that had been taken from him. We didn't know that his life had been messed with at all, and we didn't know that Lois was also dreaming about your life together. The fact is we didn't know squat; but now that we do, we're going to fix it because I refused to let the people I love suffer, for one person's selfishness." Chloe's voice was soft but heated "I don't care that Lana loves Clark, before you told us what she did, I felt sorry for her, but I no longer do. If she's unhappy then she's brought this on herself. Whether she knows now about what her other-self did or not makes no difference, because she **was** her other-self when she decided to play god with your life."

"Exactly." Martha stated just as fiercely, when the two turned to her in surprise she nodded "I don't take kindly to anyone hurting my son for their own selfish reasons, and now that I know Clark has been hurting for years, and I didn't even realise the extent of his pain, knowing that you're hurting for all that you've lost, just makes me all the more determined to put a stop to it."

He stood up and wrapped his arms around the two women, hugging them from behind "With you two in our corner, Lois, Clark and I can't lose."

"Not a chance." Chloe replied and exchanging looks of resolve, the three nodded firmly to each other, and enjoyed a nice light supper.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but I think after all the revelations of the day I'm feeling kind of washed out, so I'm going to bed ok?" He nodded, told her not to worry about the cups and plates, and after wishing them goodnight Martha retreated up the stairs. Once the dishes were washed and put away, Chloe also headed up the stairs, and shortly afterwards the house was silent as all slept.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

When his eyes opened, Smallville was relieved to find that it was still the middle of the night. Getting up from the couch, he padded into the kitchen and saw that it was just on 3am. Well wasn't this some coincidence; it was 3am, better known as the 'witching hour', and his life was screwed up because of a witch. Rubbing a hand through his hair, he stepped back to the couch, grabbed his jeans, tugged them on, slipped on his shirt stepped outside, and lifted his face to the night sky.

From the moment Lois revealed that she'd heard him calling out to her the night before he knew that he was going to try it again, and had mentally fallen asleep telling himself that he had to wake up at some point during the night. Realising that she regarded him as nothing more than an old friend, had just made him all the more determined to try and reach her anyway that he could. If this was the only way that he could hold onto her for now, remind her of them; then he'd use it. He hadn't tried to pick a particular time, and didn't much care that it was 3am, but the fact that it was the 'witching hour' was still kind of bizarre.

Shrugging off thoughts about supernatural phenomena, witches, ghosts and other things that went bump in the night, he flew to the loft and sat on the couch. Although the clouds were partly obscuring the moon, there was enough light to see by, and turning to face the farm house, he looked through the barn wall, the bedroom wall and saw Lois fast asleep beside Chloe.

"Lois, I don't know if you can hear me baby, but if you can, it's me." His voice wasn't soft nor overly loud; he'd kept it pitched at normal conversation level, but she didn't so much as twitch; not an eyelash, fingertip, nothing. Swallowing down his disappointment, he kept his eyes on her, and tried again "I miss you Lo, you seem so far away from me right now; it feels like forever since I last held you. You told me once if I was lost that you'd find me, and I told you that if we were separated that I'd find you..." He paused when her brow creased, and she turned on her side to face him "I told you that it didn't matter if years had passed, that I wouldn't give up until I found you again and brought you home to me; remember Lo?"

His heart leapt into his throat when he heard her softly say his Kryptonian name under her breath. Oh god, she didn't call him Superman, she didn't call him Clark; she'd called him Kal. He swiped a hand impatiently across his eyes when they filmed over, then traced his eyes over her face. Whether Lana had tried to remove him from Lois' mind as Choe had supposed could have happened, he didn't know, but he now knew that Lois was clinging to him in the only way she could. She was holding onto the Kryptonian side of him; both the Superman and Kal-el part. He closed his eyes tight and nodded "Yes baby, it's Kal, I love you Lois."

"I love you." Hearing her soft murmur, he opened his eyes, looked into the bedroom and found hers were still closed.

"We promised to never leave each other, remember Lo?" He saw her nod slightly, and pressed his fingers hard against his eyes, but quickly dropped his hand when he heard her whisper "You did leave."

"No baby I didn't, I was taken from you, but I didn't leave." He rubbed the back of his neck when she shook her head stubbornly, and had just opened his mouth to reassure her again, when Chloe nudged Lois in her sleep waking her up. Her eyelashes fluttered up, and she lay in bed staring at the bedroom wall. If he wasn't in the barn, if there wasn't all the space separating them, he'd swear that she could see him. Her eyes were glassy, her lip trembled and he had to force himself to stay where he was, and not go to her.

She sat up, ran her hands through her hair, wiped her eyes, and slipped out of bed. After pulling on a robe over her nightdress, she left the bedroom and when he saw her walk into the bathroom, he averted his eyes, turned off his hearing and sat quietly on the couch.

Lois hadn't said a word to them about Kal, and he wouldn't be sharing that information with anyone else, not even his twin. She'd obviously decided not to tell them about that, and he could only assume that whenever he was Kal in her dreams, was when he had been Clark in their real life. However, as she had never said anything, he wasn't going to either, but he couldn't stop the pounding of his heart at the knowledge, that his beloved had obviously remembered a lot more about their life than she'd let on earlier. He could also understand why she found the dreams so confusing. Apart from being fragmented, he didn't feature in them, Chloe was right about that. Clark Kent wasn't featured in her dreams at all; she was missing that side of him altogether. He'd hoped otherwise and now that it had been confirmed, found that he felt a mixture of emotions. On the one hand he felt grieved, but on the other, he was just fiercely grateful that she hadn't forgotten him altogether. Until now he didn't realise just how much he'd needed to know that she was holding onto them so tenaciously. Hearing her talking about the dreams had soothed him somewhat, but hearing her voice when she said that she loved him, hearing the solemness in her tone, the same tone she'd used when she wasn't being playful or teasing, but serious had caused the breath to catch in his throat. It didn't matter that she hadn't used the name Clark, because she was still talking to him.

As he'd thought earlier, she didn't love Oliver, not the way that she loved him; not even close. He already knew that from when she had talked about their relationship, but having it confirmed, made the ache a little less. He lifted a hand to his chest and rubbed it lightly, god it felt like he'd waited a lifetime to hear Lois say that she loved him again. It had only been two nights ago that he'd held her in his arms while she slept, two nights ago that everything that he could ever want had been his, two nights ago, and yet it felt like eons. And now his Lois had returned to him even though she was unaware of it. Oliver was a nice guy, but he wasn't her love, that position had already been filled by him, and he wasn't going to give it up. Nothing Lana had done could destroy or change that, she could never completely erase them, and he felt a bone deep satisfaction in knowing that truth.

He opened his eyes, swung them to the bedroom, but finding only Chloe, moved his eyes down and around until he found Lois sitting on the front veranda porch swing. Her eyes were closed, her head slightly tilted back, he listened to her breathing pattern, and knew that she'd drifted back to sleep again.

He thought about it for a moment, knew it wasn't slightly underhanded but he was fighting for his life, their lives and decided to do it anyway.

He raced to the house, quickly put on the suit and flew down to the porch to stand in front of her. If he played this just right, she'd think that she was dreaming. Lois said that sometimes the dreams were real; well if he wanted her to remember him then he had to start somewhere, and this was the best place that he could think of.

Bending down, he pressed his lips gently against hers, once, twice and closed his eyes when she began to respond. Sitting down carefully beside her in order to keep the impact of the swing to only a slight movement without waking her up, he put his arms around her waist, brought her into the circle of his arms, and placed his lips softly against hers once again. Lips pecked and pressed, caressed and came back together, and when her lips parted at his urging, his tongue swept in, plundering the hidden recesses of her mouth.

When her arms slid around his waist, he lifted her up, sat her on his lap and pressed her down slowly, until she was stretched out under him. Cupping her face in his hands, he deepened the kiss, harder then softer, sweeping his tongue over hers, enticing and demanding that she join his. He tangled his fingers in her hair, kept their mouths locked and moved her head to accommodate him. His lips lifted, changed angels, and once again settled over hers while his free hand slid down to sit on her collar bone. It was only when he felt her almost gasping for breath that he lifted his mouth from hers. His eyes opened to gaze at the woman in his arms, her lashes fluttered open.

She panted slightly, her hands moved over his back, slid up until she found the zipper and tugged it down to his waist, before slipping underneath the suit to caress his back "I thought I was dreaming again, but you're here."

"Mmm, always." He smiled and pecked her nose "Are you trying to get me naked woman?" Her hands on his skin felt glorious.

She shook her head in pretend outrage "Of course not, just what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"I was hoping you'd be the kind of woman who'd wanna take advantage of me." He grinned at her light gurgle, and cupped her face in his hands "I love you baby."

She smiled softly "I love you." Her hands lifted, her fingers tangled in his hair absently running through the strands; giving him a mischievous smile she whispered "If it wasn't so chilly, it'd be the perfect night to go skinny dipping."

He traced his eyes over her face; his thumb softly stroked the side of her jaw "I can fly us somewhere warm."

She giggled softly, and shook her head "Maybe later, did you just come back from helping someone?"

"Mmmm." He pressed his lips against the side of hers then buried his face in her neck and sighed.

"I thought so, well you know that I love you in this thing, but why didn't you change?" She asked softly, tugging on the cape.

"I was going to, but when I saw you, changing out of the suit was the last thing on my mind." He hummed quietly against her neck, nuzzling his lips against her skin and inhaling the delicate scent of her body wash "Do you want me to fly us somewhere, you only have to say the word."

She sighed, wrapped her arms tight around his torso, slipped her hands back underneath the open sides of his suit until they were caressing warm skin, and rubbed her cheek against his "No, I'm too sleepy and comfortable; let's just stay like this for now ok?"

He lifted his head, and pressed his lips against hers lightly once more "Ok."

She chuckled lightly when he began to swear while trying to make them both comfortable on the swing seat "Hush woman, this takes some finesse y'know." He finally managed to move her to the back, and turning around to face him she tucked she face into the crook of his neck, snuggling close.

"That's better."

She murmured and pressed a kiss against his throat in agreement. Keeping his arms locked tight around her, he closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of holding her in his arms once again. "It feels like forever since I last held you Lo."

"For me too." She yawned and pressed closer against him "I love feeling you around me; I feel so safe, like I'm finally home." She sighed softly.

"You are baby, and so am I; we're both home as long as we're together." He hugged her tighter "Go to sleep sweetheart, you're safe; I'm here now."

She nodded, drifted off and when he was sure that she was sleeping once again, pressed his lips lightly against her forehead and began to slowly untangle his body from hers, but her arms clenched tighter and her head shook back and forth "Please don't leave me again."

He heard the whisper and felt his heart shatter; god he didn't know if somehow she was aware that they'd been cheated, but unable to explain why their lives had been changed, her mind had come up with the solution that he'd left her. Or if in her dreams something had happened that led her to believe that he'd walked out, but he hated it. He hated knowing that somewhere in her subconscious she believed that he'd abandoned her, and couldn't help wondering if that was yet another reason why, when she was awake and aware, her heart was closed against him.

"Never baby, I'll never leave you." He vowed solemnly, crushing her gently to his chest "You're my world Lois, you know that." She pushed her face deeper into the side of his neck but otherwise gave no response. He swore colourfully in his head, then bent and pressed his lips against hers "You're everything to me Lois, you know that I'd never leave you willingly; tell me you believe me baby; please."

She nodded slightly and whispered "I know" And snuggling deeper into him she continued to sleep. He blew out a breath, closed his eyes tight, and held her a little longer, before untangling himself from her, this time with success, and with a last look at his beloved, went inside the house to watch over her.

He sat on the couch, watching out, ensuring that she was safe, but when she began to shiver less than 10 minutes later, said his name under her breath, and reached out for him, he had to force himself to stay where he was, clenching his hands hard into the cushions of the couch and didn't move. He was relieved when she began to stir, and a moment later, sat up, rubbed her arms, rubbed her brow, and sighed deeply before standing up and opening the door, to slip back inside the kitchen.

He quickly lay down, pretending to sleep and when he heard the noises coming from the kitchen area, smiled. First he'd played the role of lover in her dreams, now he had the chance to be a friend she might want to talk to in the middle of the night. And figuring that it was only fair that he and his beloved had some time to themselves either way, he decided to join her.

When he looked up, it was to find Lois had her head almost buried in the fridge, and unwilling to frighten her, he waited until she straightened up and had to stifle the chuckle when she fed some of the left over roast to Shelby. He continued to watch as she once again almost crawled inside the fridge looking for a snack, before backing out with her arms full, and turned to place all the food onto the island. He quietly sat up, stretched, and padded into the kitchen to join her, taking a seat at the kitchen island.

oOo

Lois felt like she was drifting in a sea of bliss, she loved to feel Kal surrounding her, and snuggled deeper into him, but when the cold began to penetrate through her robe, she moved to press closer against him but finding nothing, her brow creased while her arms reached out "Kal?" She curled up deeper, hugging her arms tight around her waist, but was unable to ignore the chill spreading through her body, and opened her eyes reluctantly. He wasn't there and she felt her heart lurch slightly; of course he wasn't there. Was she becoming insane or had talking about the dreams earlier in the day, made them even more real than they already had been previously.

Sitting up she rubbed her brow and tried to think clearly despite the cloudiness of her mind. This dream had been a combination of reality and fantasy at the same time, but unlike before she hadn't felt omnipresent. However, it had been different to what she was used to, and she couldn't pin point why. She'd been asleep earlier but could have sworn that she'd heard Kal talking to her, she hadn't been dreaming of him prior to that, but his voice has slipped into her head and she'd heard him as clearly as if he was right beside her. She'd told him that she loved him, and the bleakness in her heart was because asleep or not, she'd been aware of what she was doing at the time. When she'd come downstairs, she hadn't expected to fall back asleep but had, and then he was there, kissing her awake; or so she'd thought. The kissing wasn't unusual; he'd awoken her up in the middle of the night plenty of times just that way, she'd even woken up wondering what was real and what wasn't plenty of times, but this time was different, and as before, she couldn't explain why; even to herself.

She shook her head and sighed; she had to tell Oliver and the sooner the better. This was obviously playing on her mind, and until she'd confessed all to her fiancé, more than likely both the dreams and Kal were going to become more and more intense until her conscience was clear.

She was still sleepy but at the moment, hunger was making itself felt so decided to quietly grab a snack that she could take back to bed with her. Shaking off the feeling of sorrow that wanted to cling to her like a blanket, she stood up and made her way back inside the house.

Once inside the kitchen, she looked over, saw Smallville was asleep on the couch, held her finger up to Shelby when he started to whine, and pulled open the fridge door in search of a snack for both herself and the dog.

Grabbing some left over roast, she put it in Shelby's dog bowl, returned to the fridge, and filling her arms with anything that looked appetising, placed the food on the island. Seeing a movement out of the corner of her eye, she looked up to find Smallville sitting on a stool at the island and smiled.

"I'm sorry for waking you up; I was trying to be extra quiet, promise." Her voice was almost hushed and remembering so many other nights when he'd woken up, and found her in their kitchen getting a snack, he once again had to clench his hands behind his back to stop from reaching out to her.

"It's ok; I wasn't sleeping very well anyway." He looked at the array of food on the island and grinned "Felt like a little snack huh?"

She nodded and shrugged diffidently "Yeah but I wasn't sure what I felt like, so I thought the best way was to just grab a bunch of stuff and then decide."

"Hey I was only kidding Lo; you're an honorary Kent so feel free." He waved an arm around the kitchen, but quickly grabbed up his chocolates from earlier "Except for these of course, these are mine."

Her lips twitched "Yeah, yeah I got the message earlier when you kept trying to tug them away from me."

He let out a surprised huff of laughter "Excuse me, who kept tugging them away from whom?" When she flushed slightly, his smile widened "And then you tried to con me out of my chocolate by telling me that I'd not only get fat but pimples as well."

She sniffed, and turned away but not before he saw the grin that was spread across her lips "I'll get my snack really fast and get out of your hair ok then you can go back to bed."

"There's no hurry Lo, I'm still not sleepy so we can both have a snack, and keep each other company."

She nodded, and after inspecting all the food decided to have a sandwich "What'd you feel like?"

"I'll have a sandwich too."

"Ok, well I'll make the sandwiches, if you cut me a piece of cake."

His lips twitched "Cake got it; anything else?" He asked politely.

She shot him a look, he shut up and while she made the sandwiches, he cut them each a piece of cake, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and poured it into two glasses. Once done the two of them worked in harmony putting the food back in the fridge, before they each took a seat at the kitchen island.

His tummy full, Shelby curled up beside the door and began to snuffle loudly. They turned to look at him, turned back to each other and grinned.

Lifting the sandwich, Lois took a bite, chewed, swallowed, washed it all down with water then cocked a brow "Was your sleep disturbed because you were worried about getting home?"

He nodded then shook his head, then nodded once again "Kind of, I just want my life back y'know. I want to walk back into this house, and find the people that I left just yesterday waiting for me."

She reached over and picked up his hand, opened her mouth to speak but instead her eyes locked onto their joint hands, and her brow wrinkled.

_Am I awake!_

Noting that her eyes seemed to be almost mesmerised by their hands, he deliberately but casually threaded their fingers together, and heard her breath catch. "Lois?"

His voice broke the spell and shaking her head impatiently, she lifted her eyes to his but instead of answering her frown deepened further.

He held his breath silently, her pulse wasn't pounding but it had picked up in pace. He could see the turmoil in her eyes; the practical side of her fighting, and hoped that it lost out to the side of her that believed in impossible things. He hoped that she was ready to accept the truth; that she was finally _seeing_ him.

What the hell was wrong with her? Clearly she was still a lot more spooked than she realised. She really thought that she'd put it all into perspective, thought that because she'd been asleep earlier that everything she'd said and done hadn't counted. That it could be forgotten, but clearly she was still unnerved by the experience and apparently until she cleared her conscience and told Oliver everything, this wasn't going to stop, it was only going to get worse. For a moment, no longer but just for a moment, she'd seen their linked hands, and had almost drifted into memories of the two of them. But she didn't have any memories of her and Clark; she only had dreams of her and Kal. For a moment she'd thought that Clark, no...he was Smallville, but he was Clark's twin, so ok Clark...shit...

Shaking it off, she blew out a soft breath, let go of his hand, lifted her eyes to his and turned to him with a smile that trembled "Sorry I kind of tuned out there for a minute; don't worry Smallville, we'll get you home."

"Are you ok Lo?" He asked softly.

She nodded slowly, picked up her sandwich and bit into it but avoided his eyes. After swallowing the mouthful she sipped her water and turned to him again "I'm fine just tired, I haven't had much sleep the last few nights."

He didn't believe her, not for one minute. The moment her hand had clasped his, her face had paled before colour had bloomed on her cheeks. When her eyes had lifted to his, he'd seen the jolt she'd felt. If he hadn't kept his eyes fixed on hers, he would have missed it, it was gone that fast, but he had seen it and that was what mattered. His eyes had held hers captive, and she hadn't been able to look away any more than he had. He had seen the struggle that she was going through internally. However, he'd also noticed the moment she'd pulled herself back, refusing to give in to the dictates of her heart.

Her pulse had slowed back to normal, but his heart was pounding heavily in his breast. For a moment he'd hoped that she'd realised who he was, and had felt an almost incandescent sense of joy, but although that moment was gone, he knew the truth was fighting to the surface in her mind. She was fighting it, she'd been fighting it for a long time now, but she wouldn't be able to hold out forever. Not now that he; Kal was here in the flesh, and more than willing to remind her of just what they'd had, in whatever way that he could or had to.

Lois had seen Clark only once or twice over the years, but now that she was faced with both of them, now that his twin was aware that his dreams weren't just wistful fancies, she'd have an even harder fight on her hands. Between him, Clark, his mom and Chloe, Lois didn't stand a chance. None of them were going to help her fight against her memories; they were going to do everything within their power to promote them, and help her to see the truth.

"So what woke you up?" He asked casually, taking a bit of his sandwich.

She shrugged and lied "Nothing, it's just one of those nights."

He nodded but didn't push, they continued to eat their snack quietly and when done, Lois yawned, stretched and wished him goodnight once again, before retreating upstairs to bed.

He washed up the few plates and knives they'd used, and once done lay back down on the couch and once again thought back to that moment. He'd seen her eyes widen slightly, had heard her heart thump hard then settle when they eyes met. Lois had never told him, he'd never told her either, but he knew the jolt she'd experienced a few minutes ago, was the same one that he'd been living with from the day that he'd seen her in Perry's office. At the time he'd thought it was because he'd finally found the woman that he'd been waiting for; but had come to realise that wasn't it at all. It had made no difference how long they'd been together, how well he knew her, how often they had made love. At the most unexpected times, he would look into Lois' eyes, and his heart would slowly roll over in his chest when love for her overwhelmed him.

Earlier today Lois said that she didn't believe in Superman, that he was just a figment of her imagination, well he now had personal experience with just how real her dreams were. Taking that into consideration, he knew that what he'd said earlier was right; deep down she knew that he was real, but was fighting against believing it.

Although she consciously didn't remember their relationship, he wondered if subconsciously she knew that her life was wrong, but unable to explain how or in what way, her mind had supplied the answer that he'd abandoned her. For a no-nonsense, rational minded woman, that would allow her to think of him as nothing more than a fantasy, and at the same time give her the comfort of illusion that her world was the way it should be.

However, there would be no comfort in that for him. He had to find out if Lois believed that he'd deserted her, and if so he then had to find a way to let her know that he never had, and never would. When they were lying together on the porch swing, she'd told him that she knew that he hadn't left her, but her conscious mind was trying to reject him, so he didn't put much stock in her faith in him holding up when she was awake, or for very much longer when she dreamed, unless he could find a way to let her know that their separation was not by his choice or his doing.

He reached over for his wallet, but not finding it on the coffee table, x-rayed around the room until he discovered it sitting on the island. After retrieving it, he turned on the lamp, sat back down on the couch and opened it. His eyes took in both pictures then fastened on the one of him and Lois that had been taken at their engagement party.

He remembered this moment so clearly, it was one of the very few times Lois had lowered her guard, pushed aside her shyness and had been affectionate with him in public. His mind took wings and flew back to that moment, when he was holding his beloved close in his arms as they swayed softly to the music.

She smelt wonderful, looked beautiful and she was all his. He couldn't believe how blessed, how happy he was. Only a few days ago he thought his world had come crashing down when Lois didn't come back on time; and now she was here, safe and sound in his arms. After pressing his lips against her forehead, he twirled her carefully out of his arms, and brought her back in, with her back resting against his chest, while her hands sat on his arms wrapped cosily around her waist. Bending down he nuzzled against her cheek, slid his lips up her neck, and latched onto her lobe and when he felt the shiver that travelled through her body, he smiled.

She lifted one arm, placed her hand on his cheek, turned her head and looked up at him; he'd looked down and was trapped. The emotion in her eyes, the love was so visible, caused the breath to catch in his throat. He couldn't have looked away if his life had depended on it.

"Thank you for not giving up on me." Her voice was soft, barely more than a whisper.

He shook his head "I couldn't baby, if you didn't come back to me, I would have spent the rest of my life looking for you."

Her lips lifted, her hand caressed his cheek "No, I mean thank you for not giving up on me when I wouldn't go out with you."

"I couldn't do that either, you're my love; my heart wouldn't let me give up." Her pressed his lips against hers, held her tight and swayed them gently to the music.

She turned around, slipped her arms around his waist, and laid her head on his shoulder "I love you Clark Kent."

"I love you Lois Lane." And closing his eyes, he held her close as the music continued to play.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he closed the wallet, turned off the light and lay down. He didn't care if they fixed this tomorrow, or next week, he had to let Lois know that he had never, and would never have left her willingly if he'd had any choice in the matter.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_Day: 30th December_

Lana opened her eyes, rolled over carefully, found Clark asleep beside her and breathed out a silent woosh. She didn't know when he'd come to bed, but just seeing him beside her settled some of her qualms. If Clark had truly believed that she was responsible for Smallville being here, if he knew the truth about everything, he wouldn't have been able to hide it. His anger and disappointment would have been clearly visible, but even if he had been able to hide that, he never would have slept beside her last night. Either he would have made an excuse to stay at the farm, or if he just wanted to keep her within his vicinity, he could have pretended to have fallen asleep in front of the TV.

Ok, so he and everyone was lying to her, yes she believed that in some way they all might suspect her of something, but regardless of how anyone else felt, her husband knew her, knew that she loved him. Despite everything, that was one thing he knew for certain, and that could be the one thing that was helping him to keep his faith in her. She didn't deserve it, she knew that but was grateful for it nonetheless.

Slipping out of bed quietly, she padded into the bathroom for a shower and came out 20 minutes later, to find Clark lying in bed with his eyes open staring at the ceiling.

"Good morning."

He turned his head towards her, smiled and wished her in return "Morning."

"You slept in again today." She came to sit on the side of the bed beside him, smoothing her hand over the sheet beside his leg.

"Yeah, I woke up a little while ago, remembered that Smallville was here, and decided to sleep a little longer since the two of us could get the morning chores done in half the time."

She grinned and nodded "Good thinking."

He sat up and inclined his head "I thought so, but obviously sleeping in doesn't suit me since I now feel guilty for not being at the farm already."

"Well, how about I make us some breakfast while you shower, and then you can be on your way."

"Thanks, but I'll just have a shower here and eat breakfast at moms." He yawned, stretched and rubbed his hands over his face.

She stood up giving him room to get out of bed, and while he showered, she retreated to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.

He came into the kitchen a few minutes later, wide eyed, freshly showered, grabbed the keys for his truck, and stepped over to give her a peck on the cheek "I'll see you at the farm later ok?"

"Ok." He began to turn away but she couldn't just let him leave, so called his name, and when he came back, slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. When she felt his arms slip around her, she closed her eyes and held on for a moment longer before letting go "See you."

"Bye." And with a casual wave he was gone.

oOo

Clark drove towards the farm glad that the night was over. In truth he'd hardly slept at all. He'd gone to bed at 2am but had lain awake for most of the time, only catching bits of sleep now and again.

Now that he knew what his wife had done, now that he knew that it was Lois he should be with, all he could think about was that Lana had done this, and found it unbearably hard to be around her. He would continue to play the game, but wished that it was over soon, because the longer he had to push all his emotions down deep, the harder it was to do.

He'd been pretending with Lana for years, so continuing the charade for a few more days now would be no different; that's what he'd told everyone but he'd been wrong. Now that he knew, it WAS different. Before yesterday he could blame himself for being so impetuously stubborn when he was younger, he could hold himself fully accountable for the misery that he'd been living in, he could castigate himself for marrying Lana when he'd been nothing but a boy; but the knowledge that it wasn't all his fault, that she had played a major role in making it happen, made pretending with her a lot harder than he realised it would be.

He pulled over to the side of the road, killed the ignition and laid his forehead on the steering wheel. Lana had stolen his life; she'd taken everything from him, and obviously saw no wrong in what she'd done. If she'd had any regret, any remorse, she would have given him his freedom years ago when she knew that he was bitterly unhappy. She could have reversed the spell that she'd done, if she had that power. She could have just told him the truth, and taken his anger about it on the chin. She could have done any number of things, but she had done nothing, NOTHING, and that's what he found the hardest to forgive.

Trying to make him happy, telling him that she loved him, looking after him and their house didn't make up for what she'd taken from him. It didn't make up for any of it. It didn't make up for all the lost years that he'd loved Lois, and his wife had known that she'd taken him from his fiancé but held onto him anyway. Nor did it make up for the fact that the past 8 years of his life had been a complete lie, and she'd happily continued to let him live with the deception because it suited her.

The tears slid down his cheeks as memory after memory once again washed through his mind. He and Lois laughing, kissing in the rain, taking joy flights together; all of that was gone, and if they couldn't find a way to reverse what Lana had done, Lois would not only be lost to him and Smallville permanently, but they would both have to live with the memories of all that they'd had, and all that had been taken from them.

He lifted his head, slashed his arm across his eyes, and brought Lois' face to the forefront of his mind's eye "I know that you don't remember everything like I do Lo, but Smallville and I do, and we're going to get our lives back; yours and ours, I promise." Switching on the ignition, he put the truck in gear, pulled back onto the road and drove to the farm.

oOo

Chloe woke up, turned over and saw that her cousin was still asleep. Slipping quietly out of bed, she grabbed some clothes, made her way to the bathroom for a quick shower and once done, headed downstairs.

At least while Lois slept, and Lana wasn't around they could all talk freely without having to watch their words or temper the conversation.

She walked into the kitchen, saw Martha at the stove and smiled "Good morning."

"Good morning Chloe, help yourself to some coffee or juice; I'm almost finished and then we can eat breakfast."

She moved into the living room, saw that the couch was empty and trod back to the kitchen table "Is Smallville outside?"

Martha nodded and without missing a beat, expertly flipped the last pancake "Yes, and Clark arrived about 5 minutes ago. They're both outside feeding the animals and will join us shortly; is Lois is still asleep?"

"Yeah, but I figure that's a good thing, we can talk without having to worry about her hearing what we're saying." Figuring the men would be in soon, and Martha would want coffee as well, Chloe proceeded to pour the beverage into four cups.

Martha brought over the platter of pancakes and bacon, Chloe retrieved the toast, and the two ladies had just sat down when the back door opened, and the men walked in.

Good mornings were exchanged, coffee was consumed, but other than requests for jam, butter, and the like; the kitchen was silent as the four proceeded to tuck into their breakfast.

After the first bout of hunger had been dealt with, Chloe absently picked at the remainder of her breakfast as once again her mind started to turn over. She'd stewed about it before dropping off to sleep last night, and now once again the elusive memory tickled at her. There was something, she knew it was important but couldn't figure out what it was. It was there; right there on the tip but...She'd tried to let it go as Martha suggested, but it wouldn't stop niggling at her, but what was IT?

She pushed back from the table in frustration, unaware of everyone's eyes following her as she paced. When her name was called, she waved her hand absently for silence, walked away from the table, paced around the kitchen and lounge room, her mind's eye internalised, not taking notice of anything around her. She began to stride back to the kitchen when her eye landed on a photo in the lounge room and she stopped dead. There sitting on the mantle was a photo of Lana. She'd been captured while looking over her shoulder, but instead of smiling she looked almost pensive; still beautiful for all of that. However, Chloe didn't see the Lana in the photo; her mind's eye was in the past, looking at the woman who had turned to her with eyes filled with tears of sorrow, makeup smeared and tears on her cheeks before sunglasses were hastily shoved onto her face, and suddenly everything clicked.

"Oh my god!"

"Chloe, what's wrong?" Smallville asked concerned.

"I don't believe it." She turned around and found three people standing behind her, looking anxious.

The men could hear her heart pounding furiously, and when she turned around, all saw that her complexion was almost bleached of colour. Turning to share a quick look with the other two, Smallville could see that his mom and twin were also uneasy about what was troubling Chloe. When she'd initially pushed away from the table he'd called out to her, but was quickly waved off. After that the three of them had followed her progress around the room; initially they'd just watched her, but when she'd stopped at the mantle their curiosity had them pushing their chairs back to follow. Whatever she'd found had shocked her, but he couldn't see anything that would have caused alarm "Chlo..." he prompted once again.

"I saw this photo yesterday but I didn't even notice it really; when was it taken?" She picked up the frame and waved it.

"I think it was at taken at Oliver's party." Clark replied with a frown "Chloe..."

She looked at all of them in turn and shook her head "I don't believe it, she was here; Lana was here." At the confused expressions on everyone's face, Chloe took a deep breath, placed the photo back on the mantle and looking between the men, asked quietly "I don't care who does it, but can one of you first please check to make sure that Lois is still asleep."

Both men automatically looked up, checked to make sure that Lois was sleeping, and not just lying in bed wide awake. They saw her eyes were closed, her face soft with sleep and taking in her breathing pattern, knew that she was still sleeping deeply and turned back to reassure their friend.

"Ok, then let's sit at the table again, that way if Lois wakes up and joins us, it'll look like we're just chatting over breakfast." They all re-took their seats, and after pouring herself a glass of water, Chloe sipped then placed the glass back on the table "Guys, what I'm going to tell you is more than likely going to make you angry, but please keep an ear on Lois alright?" They turned to each other with a light confused frowns, but nodded all the same.

"We'll listen out Chlo." Smallville answered for both of them.

She blew out a deep breath and seeing all eyes on her began "I saw Lana the day that you eloped, hell I spoke with her but with everything that was going on at the time, I just forgot about it." When they all frowned and shook their heads, she raked a hand through her hair, glanced at Clark, then began to address everyone again, trying to make herself clear "You had disappeared that afternoon, Lois was in the hospital and when you came back that night, you surprised your mom and me with the news that you and Lana were married. The next day Lois was still unconscious, and she was really all I could think about. Anyway, as you know she woke up that evening, but we'd no sooner gotten to the hospital then she had that fight with you and Lana; so with one thing and another I just forgot about it."

"Forgot what Chloe, I'm sorry but...?" Clark asked frowning and seeing the frown on his mom and twins faces, turned back to his friend once again.

Chloe sat forward and held out her hands in frustration "On the day that you and Lana eloped, I was driving back to the farm for lunch after sitting with Lois in the hospital that morning. Anyway just before I got to the driveway, I saw a car pulled over at the side of the road. I thought something was wrong, I could see the driver but they had their head resting on the steering wheel, so I thought maybe they needed help." She swallowed, took a sip of water and shook her head "Anyhow I got out of my car and went to ask them if they were ok, and when the woman lifted her head and looked at me; I saw that it was Lana."

"What! Chloe Lana was with me in the barn; remember you came and called us into lunch." Clark prompted with a slight frown.

She shook her head impatiently "No Clark you don't understand, it wasn't the Lana that you eloped with, this woman was older. I even asked her if she was related to Lana in some way because she looked exactly like her; just older."

The men and Martha looked at each other, and saw the dawning comprehension in each other eyes.

"She went back; somehow she went back to 2007 and talked her younger-self into eloping with Clark that day." Smallville stated grimly.

"Chloe dear can you remember anything from that conversation, did she say anything?" Martha asked quietly.

Chloe closed her eyes and recounted what she could remember, but as that time was 8 years ago, and she'd had her cousin on her mind, she had to struggle to remember any details. She reiterated everything that she could remember, and once done opened her eyes "That's all I can remember, sorry guys."

"Don't be sorry Chloe, it's more than we had before, and if you hadn't seen her at all then we wouldn't even know this much." Smallville smiled reassuringly while his twin nodded in agreement.

"Ok, so before older Lana talked to her younger-self, we were still one person, and at least we now we have somewhere to work back from. After all, it was Lana returning that afternoon that caused us to be split and everything to be changed." Clark stated looking at his twin, and received a nod in return.

"Do you know how late it was when Lana came back that afternoon Sweetie?"

He shook his head "No sorry mom I don't; it was late afternoon but before dinner."

"So if I saw older Lana before lunch, and she spoke to her younger self after lunch, what did she do in the intervening time?" Chloe asked the room at large.

Smallville rubbed the side of his neck and grimaced "In the first timeline when Lo got out of the hospital she didn't look well and it seemed to take all her effort just to walk. When Jo was in the future she slept the first afternoon, and went to bed early that night, and when Lois came back she felt sick and fell asleep shortly afterwards, and we also went to bed early that night. All versions of Lois were affected by the movement through time; so Lana was probably affected the same way and was resting somewhere."

Chloe nodded in agreement "Yeah, Lo was the same way in this timeline; I had to help her to the bathroom because she found it hard to stand on her own, and she also felt sick and tired the next morning when I took her home. So it seems that it was movement that brought it on, sometimes straight away but in others it took a little while. At the time I thought Lois had made herself sick over her argument with you and Lana, but she was just suffering from the effects of what happened."

Martha frowned lightly and touched her sons hand "Honey when Jo was in Lois' body, where was Lois; your fiancé I mean?"

"We don't know mom, we assumed that Lois was in her body but had just been suppressed by Jo. However, for all we know, she could have changed places with Jo, and was unconscious in her younger body back in 2007." He paused and grabbed his mom's hand "I told you about Lois' chart showing the spikes..." They all nodded "... well after the first incident Jo said that normally she couldn't sense Lois' thoughts or feelings, but that she'd felt like Lo was being torn out of her; then the second incident happened and Lois came back, but died a few minutes later."

Martha felt him squeeze her hand gently before letting go, and reaching over she rubbed his back with one hand, and used the other to rub Clark's arm "So it is possible that Lois had traded places with her younger self." She asked quietly.

He nodded and replied soberly "Yes, and if that's the case then I'm glad that she had no memory of anything that happened when she came back. I think it would be pretty horrifying if she'd been trapped in her younger body back in 2007; awake and aware but unable to communicate with anyone."

Seeing the disturbed look in everyone's eyes, he nodded with feeling.

"God that's a horrible thought." Chloe shuddered.

"Yes it is, but Lois didn't remember anything when she came back, and I've never put that theory to her because I don't want to scare her unnecessarily." He blew out a soft breath and looked at them all "When we told Lois that what happened was the result of magic she was relieved. She'd never told us until then, but for 8 years she'd occasionally been frightened of the same thing happening again; of going to sleep one night and just never waking up."

"But Lois doesn't know what happened now, which means that she must still think of it." Clark replied in a strained tone.

Smallville nodded in reply "I know, when I asked her why she never told me, she said there was no point in worrying me for nothing. That she never thought about it a lot, just every now and again."

They all looked at each other and sighed deeply "So what do we do; do we tell Lois that it was magic that did that to her or not?" Chloe asked looking at Smallville for the answer.

He got up and paced around the kitchen for a minute, then came back and sat down "I hate it but no. Hopefully it's only for a few more days, and once we reverse everything, it'll be alright." He closed his eyes tight then opened them again "If we can't fix things, can't reverse it, then yes we'll tell her."

Martha reached over and picked up his hand "Clark, I know it's not easy for you to decide to leave it for now, but it'll only be for a few days because we will fix everything."

He shook his head minutely "I'm being selfish, if I tell Lo what happened then I'll have to tell her everything, and I don't wanna tell her about us, because I know that she's not ready to hear it." He pulled his hand free and scrubbed both hands over her face "I hate the thought of Lois being scared, but I'm willing to stay quiet so that I don't lose the little I still have with her."

"Smallville." He dropped his hands and turned at the sound of inflexibility in Chloe's "You said that Lois didn't think about it often, which means it's possible that she's not even thinking about it now. This will only be for a few days."

He nodded and looked at Clark "What'd you think."

Clark looked at his twin squarely "I agree that you're being selfish but it's the same call that I would have made, because I don't want to lose the little that I have with her either."

He nodded and sighed "Yeah, last night Lois..." He broke off and chewed his lip.

"What honey?"

He looked at his twin "Last night I wanted to see if Lois would hear me again if I talked to her, so in the middle of the night I tried it, and she did."

Clark swallowed, looked down then back up again "How do you know?"

"She answered." At the surprise on everyone's face, his lips lifted in a small smile "She was asleep but she answered me." He looked at his twin again and shrugged "Anyway when she got out of bed and went to the bathroom, I tuned her out but about 20 minutes later I found her on the porch swing fast asleep." He picked up his cup, sipped the coffee and put it back down again "Lois doesn't know what's happened, she doesn't realise that her life's been changed, but I think somewhere deep down she knows that everything is wrong."

"Why?" Clark asked quietly.

"Because I joined her by pretending I was dream Superman..." He held up his hand when the women's mouths opened "I know it was underhanded but I did it and I'm not sorry. It was only for 30 minutes no longer, but after she fell back asleep I started to pull away, and she asked me not to leave her again. I told her that I never had, and although she drifted back to sleep, she answered and said that she believed me. But now I can't help wondering if whatever Lana's done, has affected Lois in some way, so that she knows her life is wrong, but subconsciously believes it's because I abandoned her."

Clark felt jealousy stir at knowing his twin had been with Lois last night, even for a few minutes while he'd been lying awake beside his wife. Pushing his feelings aside, and knowing that he would have done the same thing had he been given the opportunity, he concentrated on the matter at hand.

He looked at his mom and Chloe, saw the concern in their eyes at what Smallville had said, and felt the sinking feeling in his stomach get deeper.

"We don't know, and Lois isn't going to say." Chloe ran a hand through her hair and pulled "You were pretending to be dream Superman, so Lois must have thought she was dreaming. Maybe something's happened in one of her dreams and that was what she was responding to."

Hearing the hopeful tone in her voice, Smallville smiled sadly "Yeah I thought of that, but I don't think so Chloe. She's dreaming of our life, and after last night I know just how realistic they are for her. She didn't see Clark Kent last night, she saw Superman, but I've never left her as either man. We've argued and bickered, but I've never left her."

Unable to think of what to say to make her boy's feel better, Martha tried to stay focused on the matter at hand "Honey we can't do anything about that, we just have to find a way to fix this."

"I have to try mom, I have to somehow let her know that I didn't...that we didn't walk out on her." Smallville replied and Clark nodded in agreement

"How are you going to do that without telling her everything?" Chloe asked quietly but pointedly.

The men looked at each other and shrugged "I don't know Chlo, but I agree with Smallville."

Hearing the resolution in the men's voices, seeing the intractable look on their faces, the women looked at each other and nodded in understanding.

Getting the conversation back on track Smallville scrubbed his hands over his face "Ok so we now know that older Lana went back to 2007 that day, and she must have talked to her younger-self, but what she said to her we don't know. She might have just given her a song and dance about how we were always meant to be together, embellishing our relationship to make it sound like something out of Romeo and Juliet." He stopped and let out a bark of laughter "And we all know how stupid they were." Everyone grinned and nodded "But what we don't know is what else she told her. We don't know if older Lana told her that she was responsible for Lois being unconscious, we don't know if she told her that I was engaged to Lo in the future; the fact is we don't know what they talked about at all."

"No we don't, but I think it's fairly easy to guess that she gave younger Lana a big romantic sob story about the two of us. And considering I'd just finished begging Lana to take me back, telling her that we were always meant to be together, she would have been wide open to believe the claptrap that her older self was telling her." Clark sighed deeply and rubbed his neck to ease the tension "I can't blame Lana for falling for it; I'd just finished giving her every reason to believe it."

Martha reached over and touched him softly on the arm "Honey I think that's why older Lana picked that particular time."

He looked up and nodded his face incredibly sad "Yeah, on the one hand I'm angry at Lana for what she's done, but now I can't help but feel sorry for her younger-self too. She was just a pawn, as ignorant as I was of what was going on."

"You don't know that Clark, yes older Lana probably did spin a sugary version of our eternal love, and yes I agree that she was manipulated, but I doubt that she was totally innocent." Smallville paused and his voice hardened "As Chloe said yesterday, forearmed is forearmed, which means that it's unlikely that younger Lana was in the dark about everything; so even if she was manipulated, it was of her own free will. The only one who was completely ignorant was you."

Clark threw him a look filled with challenge "I was ignorant because I **chose** to be. You know as well as I do that Lana only had to say something, and it became gospel." He let out a dry scornful laugh "Even when I knew that she was wrong I never challenged her; after all who dares to question a god…." He snorted contemptuously "…and everyone including Lana knew that she was my holy bible." He finished sarcastically.

Smallville nodded in resignation "Yeah."

He nodded in accord "Yes, the only thing she could have said that I wouldn't have believed, was that I'd ever love anyone but her. So even if Lana had told me that in the future I was going to marry Lois, and asked me to elope with her to prevent that from happening; I wouldn't have hesitated because I simply wouldn't have believed that I'd ever want anyone but her."

Smallville closed his eyes in defeat, nodded again then opened his eyes to look sadly at his twin "We brought this on ourselves."

"Yes we did." Clark replied with finality.

The self directed contempt and anger was clear in Clark's voice, the painful acceptance in Smallville's, and hearing it the two ladies looked at each other in concern. The men seemed oblivious to the women's presence as their eyes stayed locked with each others.

"Clark..." Chloe's voice was soft with apology, their eyes swung in her direction and seeing the misery in their eyes hurt, but she forged on regardless "...we all know that you eloped with Lana, but can you tell us how it happened?" He lifted his brows at her question, she gestured with her hand "When you got back that night you told your mom and me that you couldn't let Lana go, and the two of you eloped, but I don't know any more than that and neither does your mom, unless you've explained it all to her..."

He sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead "No I haven't, when we got back that night, you and mom congratulated us and then went to bed. The next day you both took it in turns to sit with Lois, and it really wasn't the time to talk about how happy I was, when you were worried about Lois." Chloe nodded and gestured for him to continue "Lo woke up late the next day, and after our fight no one was in a jovial mood so it definitely wasn't the time to talk about it."

"Yeah I understand that, but can you tell us now..." He cocked his head to the side in query "When Smallville told us about the past being changed, you believed that Lana; your wife I mean, you believed that she knew you were engaged to Lois in the future and that's why she got you to marry her; you still believe that don't you?"

He nodded firmly "Yes I do, I know that we shouldn't assume, but it's the only thing that makes sense to me, and now that we know older Lana was here, I'm even more certain."

"Ok, so if Lana turned you down and married Lex the first time; what did she say when she came back that afternoon, and told you that she'd changed her mind?" She asked looking at him with curiosity.

"There wasn't a first and second time Chloe, there was only the one time." Smallville corrected her quietly.

"I know but if we say that it's just going to be confusing; so we'll refer to her marrying Lex in the first timeline as the first time, and marrying Clark as the second time, ok?" They all nodded in agreement "Ok, so ..." She looked at Clark with encouragement; he nodded and quietly reiterated his conversation with Lana in the loft before they eloped.

The women listened silently; exchanged eye contact several times and didn't interrupt, but both felt their anger at Lana grow. When he was finished, Chloe got up, grabbed the kettle angrily, filled it with water and slammed it onto the stove "I'm making some coffee, who wants fresh?"

The men could hear the women's pulses pounding angrily, could see the rigid sets of their jaws and wondered what it was about the conversation they'd just heard, that had caused such a violent reaction.

"Chloe are you ok?" Clark asked softly.

"No, I'm not, I'm angry; hell I'm really, really pissed off." She gritted out between her teeth, then picked up a tea towel and threw it at the sink. She leant back against the stove, looked at the other woman and saw the same anger brewing on her face "What'd you think Martha?"

"I think she knew." The older woman replied in a strained voice "That's why she got you to promise not to go and do the training; she was hoping that if nothing of your life remained, that you'd never remember." She pushed her hair back and sighed heavily "Clark you haven't loved Lana for a long time now, so what you said to her that day wouldn't still apply. What I mean is that you told Lana then that she was all you wanted, but that's no longer true and hasn't been for a sometime. Since that day, have you ever asked her if you could break your promise, if you could go and do the training?"

He nodded "Yeah, I asked her once and she was scared; she cried so much that she almost made herself sick with fear that someone would catch me and use me as a lab rat. I understood because I was scared of that too, but I still wanted to do it. In the end I told her that I wouldn't, and I haven't brought it up again because it's the only thing she's ever asked of me."

The women once again looked at each other "I think you're right sweetie, when you said that Lana knew that you were engaged to Lois in the future; I think she did know that, but I also think that older Lana told her about Superman, and maybe some other details as well."

"You think before she came back to see me that afternoon, she already knew about my origins and powers?" Clark asked with a frown, looking between the two women and saw both of them nod "I figured that she knew about Lo and I being engaged in the future, but I didn't think she knew about my powers. I mean she was so sincere when she asked me to tell her what I'd been hiding from her for so long."

Chloe's lip curled in derision "Oh yeah, I _bet_ she sounded sincere. She'd never been that way before Clark; she always tried to **guilt** you into spilling your guts to her. She cried and demanded that you tell her, got angry and stalked off in high dudgeon when you didn't, pouted and sulked, hinted, and even tried to hold out the carrot that you could be with her if you just trusted her enough to tell her; but she never just asked and accepted it when you didn't feel like opening up." She raked a hand through her hair and sighed heavily "She knew everything about you before she came back that afternoon. That's why she could afford to be so nice and patient and understanding when she asked you to tell her everything, because all you were doing was confirming what she'd already discovered."

"Yes." Martha replied simply.

"She wanted you and didn't give a rat's ass about anything else; and exactly how many people did she sacrifice just so that she could keep her little girl dream?" Chloe asked sarcastically "She didn't just steal your lives, she didn't just take you from Lois, she's held you back from becoming Superman, and she's let people die just so that she could keep you all to herself."

The men looked at each other in horror, that hadn't occurred to them; and now they realised that it was no longer just personal, people had died because Clark hadn't been there to help them.

"Oh god." Clark scrubbed his hands hard over his face, before raking his fingers through his hair and pulling hard "So many times I've hoped that the quietest period in Smallville history, were those months when I was selfishly glad not to have my powers. I've hoped that no one needed help during that time; and now..."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is Chloe; don't tell me that it's not, because it is." He replied with self loathing "Years ago when I didn't have my powers, I never gave a thought to all the people who could have used my help; all I could think about was that I was finally free to be with Lana. It was only after I was no longer blinded by her, that I realised the implications of what losing my powers meant. And now...now I..."

"She manipulated you Clark, not when you lost your powers, but this time she did."

"Yeah but I let her do it, I always gave her full control, didn't I?" He saw the compassion on his mom and Chloe's face and closed his eyes "All she had to say was that she loved me, just those three magic words, and she knew that I would have done anything for her."

"Actually, she didn't even need to use those three words." Smallville felt sick to his stomach, knowing that he was a culpable as his twin. Like Clark, he'd also only thought of being with Lana when he lost his powers, and not those who could have used his help. When his twin looked at him, he saw the acknowledgement in his eyes that what he'd said was right "Lana only had to breathe and we were her faithful servants..." He mocked harshly "The fact is I...or we I should say, we gave Lana the power to use us from the very beginning; we just let her get away with her crap time and again. We took anything she dished out and went back begging for more, so we deserved everything we got from her, but no one else deserved to suffer for our foolishness."

"No they didn't." Clark agreed softly and looked at his twin "Lois called it, when we fought after I got married, she said that everyone was expendable to me except for Lana, and by deciding to set up house and play happy couples with Lana instead of going to do the training, I proved Lois right."

"Clark..." Martha called quietly.

He raked his hands through his hair again, pulled and shook his head disconsolately "So many people kept telling me that I was a good person, Brainiac mocked me for how much I loved humanity, well I guess everything people said about me went to my head, and made me just a little too full of myself." The self disgust in his eyes, the scorn in his voice was painful to witness "I proved just how much I loved the human race, by throwing it all over to be with Lana. Raya told me that Jor-el sent me to earth to save it from extinction; she warned me that the world was going to destroy itself just as Krypton had done, but did I go to Jor-el and do my training, did I try in any way to see the big picture of what could happen if I didn't get off my ass and do something; No." He shook his head and scrubbed his hands over his face "My only concern was winning Lana back from Lex, and when she did come back to me, I only cared about doing what I had to do to hold onto her." He paused and looked at the people sitting around the table "You have no idea how ashamed I am of my selfishness in only caring about Lana to the exclusion of everything...and now to think of all those people who have died."

"Sweetie you didn't go to Jor-el and do the training because you wanted to catch the last of the Zoners." Martha said quietly, and felt her heart ache for the self disgust on both her boys faces.

He shook his head and smiled cynically "Yeah, and after the Zoners what mom? If it hadn't been them, I would have found some other reason why I couldn't go and do the training, any reason, as long as it meant that I didn't lose Lana. No matter what rubbish I told you or anyone else, it was my self-seeking greed in wanting a normal life with her that was the _**real**_ reason why I always had an excuse not to go." He swallowed hard "I told you after Raya died that I was ready to embrace my destiny, remember mom?" She nodded silently "Well you can call me a liar and you'd be right. The only embracing that I remember doing is the one where I was holding Lana in my arms when she came back to me." He finished with a harsh laugh and swiped his hands over his cheeks.

Her mouth opened, but Smallville cut her off before she could speak "He's right mom, don't forget that I didn't go and do my training until after Lana and Lex were divorced, so I'm also the guy who gave you the Zoners excuse, and I remember spending more time trying to steal her from Lex then worrying about Zoners." He paused to rub his hands hard over his face "The first time Jor-el told me that I had to do my training, I didn't even bother asking him how long it would take, I just thought that I'd solve it all by blowing up my space ship, and you suffered for that. My next great solution was to run away to Metropolis, and dad's health was compromised getting me back. The worst part is that despite what the two of you suffered because of my actions, I didn't learn a damn thing from either of those instances; everything was still all about me." He shook his head in disgust and rubbed his neck "When I did finally go and do my training it wasn't because I felt honour bound or for any noble reasons, I only went because I was tempted to try with Lana again after her divorce, but knew that if I did the same garbage would start up all over again and I didn't want that anymore."

Martha sighed heavily and raked fingers through her hair. She had to get them out of the pit of self disgust she could see and hear from both of them, and knew it wasn't the time for her to be understanding, right now they needed her to be tough.

"Sweeties." They turned at their mom's voice, she reached out and clasped their hands and seeing the despair on their faces spoke in a voice that carried authority "I don't want you to wallow in guilt on this, if you do that's all you'll think about and you'll get stuck in a vicious cycle of self loathing. What I want you to do is put it aside, and concentrate on what has to be done to fix everything, ok?"

They both swallowed hard and nodded.

"Good, now when we've reversed whatever Lana did, then all those people that you saved before will be alive again, so just think of it that way alright?" They nodded once again, blew out a deep breath and scrubbed their hands across their eyes and cheeks to wipe away the tears.

oOo

Once Clark left for the farm, Lana trod back to the bedroom, put on some warm clothes, had a quick breakfast, washed the dishes then sat at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee while wondering what she could do to fix the mistake that she'd made.

It would involve magic, she knew that but felt uncomfortable just the same. It wasn't the magic that worried her so much, as her lack of skill. She'd screwed up when she was fairly skilled, not a professional, not overly qualified, but she'd still had enough 'know how' to do basic spells and some not so basic ones. However, as she hadn't used magic at all in 8 years, and had let the memories of what she could do drift away, she didn't feel confident of trying it again now.

She had the book but not the aptitude and didn't know if it was more dangerous to try anyway, or to keep things the way they were and just hope for the best. But she couldn't do that either, Smallville and Clark were the same man, if they didn't know that already they'd probably figure it out soon enough. Especially if they started exchanging more detailed life histories; if they did that, then Smallville would be bound to tell Clark about Superman, if he hadn't already and her husband might remember bits and pieces of his dreams. If that happened, it would only be a short step to figuring out the truth. They obviously suspected her of something or they wouldn't have lied to her about Smallville's engagement to Lois, so just hoping for the best wasn't a viable option either.

They were hiding the engagement from Lois as well and that gave her an uneasy feeling. She didn't know why, but felt that the reason for their silence to the woman was important, possibly just as important as their reasons for wanting to keep their powers hidden from Lois.

Lois didn't know about their powers, and remembering back to their conversation the previous afternoon, she now knew they had all casually, but deliberately ensured that she didn't spill the beans. They had clearly decided the best way to ask her not to say anything, was to be casual in their plea and she'd fallen for it. They were apprehensive of Lois finding out about their powers, but the reason for it was another thing that she couldn't figure out.

As much as she didn't like Lois, she did know without doubt that the woman had never been scared of Clark's powers. In the first timeline, Lois and Superman's friendship had been close; in fact the media had loved speculating on just how close they were. Even before she'd picked up on it, Clark had told her that Lois loved Superman; which meant their secrecy on the subject of their powers, couldn't be because they were afraid that Lois wouldn't accept them; but for another reason altogether.

She could tell Lois, let it accidently slip out, but that would only make Clark angry, and she didn't want that. She didn't want to anger her husband, she just wanted to find a way to sort out this mess, so they could put it behind them and get on with their lives. She had to either find a way to merge the two men back into one, or push Lois into marrying Oliver. That wouldn't solve the problem, but it would solve part of it, and in truth it would also make her feel better knowing the woman was forever out of Clark's reach.

She took a quick look at her watch, saw that it was just 10 minutes to opening time at the office, and quickly stepped over to the phone; and after speaking for a few minutes, hung up.

Rubbing her forehead, she went to the utility closet and took out the step ladder, then went into the spare room and after a few minutes searching, found the spell book tucked at the very back of the high shelf where she'd hidden it.

She carried the book back to the kitchen table, retrieved the ladder and put it away, then came back, grabbed the scissors and carefully undid the plastic. Once that was removed, she pulled the book out, cut the binding around the cheesecloth and for the first time in 8 years held the book in her hands.

She'd forgotten how heavy it was, and after rifling through the pages, realised that she'd also forgotten just how much information was contained within. She was supposed to use this to find something that would help her, but she didn't know what in the hell she was doing or looking for. She closed her eyes hoping to bring back some memory, no matter how nebulous that could give her guidance on what to do or look for, but couldn't.

Why the hell had she let the magic go, she'd passed on the memories to herself to help herself, but when she was younger she'd been so sure that she wouldn't need magic anymore. She'd been so blithely unconcerned about Lois, so arrogantly sure that Clark would never love anyone but her, that she had disdained any knowledge of magic and just forgot it all. Now she didn't only have Lois to worry about, but a whole host of other things as well; and she didn't have the first clue how to do anything to fix it, other than to reverse the original spell, and that wasn't an option she was willing to consider.

Sighing, she opened the book and decided to read through it, maybe something would come back to her. If not then the only thing she could do was try a spell, just something small to see if it worked. She wouldn't try anything on Clark or his twin. Smallville wasn't technically her husband, but she loved him all the same. He was Clark after all and as she'd promised herself never to use magic on her husband, then his twin came under the same umbrella. No, if anything went wrong there was only one person she was willing to sacrifice, not that she would actually harm the woman. She'd only try a little spell, nothing that would have any eyes turning in her direction if anything went wrong, but if anything did, then she'd still prefer that Lois was affected than either of the men.

oOo

The four people were still sitting at the kitchen table talking about options and what to do, but at the knock on the front door, they looked at each other with raised brows. Clark rose to answer and was surprised to see his old friend J'onn J'onzz at the door with a stunning woman in tow.

He smiled at J'onn and was on the point of greeting the woman when she spoke.

"Kal-el we need to talk to you, it's really important; can we come in?" Clark frowned and had just opened his mouth to speak when his twin appeared at his elbow.

"Dianna, J'onn, hi come in." The two visitors looked at each other, looked at the men and came into the room silently.

After waving them into the lounge, Smallville turned to find his mom and Chloe behind him, introduced everyone to each other then looked at the two visitors "What brings you here?"

"We need to talk to you, but I don't know which you I need to talk to." Dianna looked between the two Clark's, and shrugged in confusion.

Knowing that all present could be trusted implicitly, Smallville waved everyone to be seated then quickly reassured both the visitors and those of the household "Dianna, J'onn it's ok, mom and Chloe know everything about me; and my twin here is me...we're both Clark Kent so you can talk freely." Turning to address the others "And likewise, I promise that Dianna and J'onn can be trusted in return."

"You are both the same man?" J'onn asked cautiously and at their nods, he nodded in return then turned to the woman seated beside him. "This explains your unease Dianna."

"Yes, forgive me Kal-el..."

Holding up his hand, he shot a quick uneasy look upwards, and let out a relieved breath at finding Lois was still fast asleep "Dianna, please call me Clark, Lois is asleep upstairs and I don't want her to hear that name." At the curiosity beaming from his mom, Chloe and twin, he quickly explained "Her dreams, that's Superman's name so..." They all nodded, he sighed in relief at their acceptance to his evasion and turned back to the visitors.

Dianna and J'onn exchanged glances and nodded in accord; unfortunately what they were here about concerned Lois, and they also wished to not alarm her unduly.

"Forgive me Clark, you said that your mom and friend know about you, but do they know about everything else, I mean..."

"If you mean the Justice League Dianna then yes, there's nothing you can't tell them that they won't keep to themselves; I promise they can be trusted." After a quick side long look at J'onn who nodded his head in reassurance, Dianna nodded in acceptance.

She looked at all gathered and after one last penetrating look at the ladies, sighed deeply "I've been away for a few days visiting my mother and sisters, so didn't realise that anything was wrong at first. However, I returned early this morning and went straight to the Watchtower to see if my assistance was required for anything before returning to my normal life. Everyone was there, except for you. I didn't find this unusual because there are times when more than one of us isn't there because we all have our real lives to live, and our own home cities to protect, you understand." They all nodded "It turned out that Oliver had asked everyone if they could come early, so that he could share some news with his closest friends. I was surprised when the news turned out to be his engagement to Lois, and instead of being startled everyone congratulated him." She paused when both men winced; then quietly continued "I knew that something wasn't right Clark; I had only attended your engagement party to Lois last month. So it didn't seem possible that I could go away for a few days, only to return and find that she was now engaged to Oliver."

Smallville smiled sadly and encouraged her to continue.

She nodded and looked between the two men with sympathy "I didn't say anything at first because couples do break up, but I was troubled because I never would have believed it of you and Lois. I know how much you love her, so couldn't imagine that you would let her go so easily..." Her lips tilted at his firm headshake "...and Lois doesn't strike me as the kind of woman who would be engaged to one man, and a then another a few days later." Once again he shook his head firmly.

Nodding in reply she paused and her brow wrinkled "The next thing I noticed was that no one mentioned you, not even in a quiet way to wonder how you felt about it, and this isn't normal you agree?" They all nodded at this "Anyway I decided to keep a watchful eye, as I felt sure that something had happened to our friends and they needed my help. However, I couldn't shake my uneasiness, so after a few minutes I casually mentioned Superman and everyone just looked at me blankly. They didn't know who Superman was, and when I tried to explain, nothing I said registered with anyone. That was when I knew that something had happened to our friends and to you, so I determined to come here and discover what was wrong."

"What'd everyone say when you tried to explain Superman?" He asked curiously.

She frowned unhappily "They thought I was teasing, but they should know that I would never joke about something like that. However, I stopped when it was clear they really didn't know who you were, and in the end I laughed it off, but I was worried."

The men nodded and turning to her silent companion Smallville asked quietly "Did you know that something wasn't right as well J'onn?"

"No my friend I did not, I had no conception of who Superman was, never having heard this name before; and after reading everyone, I knew that no one else had either. However, just as clearly when I read her, I knew that Dianna was also speaking the truth as she remembered it. She had clear memories of a friend in the league called Superman, and I could sense her disquiet and frustration that no one else remembered him." He looked at Dianna and turned back to the men "When Dianna was leaving I followed and told her what I discovered after reading everyone, and knowing that she was coming to seek you out, I offered to come with her."

"Does anyone else know that you're here?"

The two shook their heads but it was Dianna who spoke "No, they have no idea that anything is wrong, and we saw no reason to alarm them before coming to speak with you first."

Smallville and Clark nodded in unison, and noticed that J'onn had yet to take his eyes of them "While Dianna was speaking before I read all of you, and have some understanding of why everyone has two different lots of memories." He turned and addressed Clark "You are this man..." gestured to Smallville "...but although you have lived a different life to your brother, you also have very vivid memories of living his life, I can see it clearly in your mind."

Clark nodded "Yes."

"Dianna umm..." Chloe trailed off when all eyes swung in her direction, and with a quick mental shake, she pushed aside her awkwardness at being the centre of attention "By any chance does magic affect you?"

"No, I'm virtually impervious to magic, why?"

The two Clark's, Martha and Chloe looked at each other in understanding "Because this was all caused by magic." Smallville put in quietly.

He told them everything; the events the previous month, his and Lois' discovery of Lana owning a magic shop, his arrival and what Jor-el had told him.

The two listened quietly and once he was finished Dianna nodded "This makes sense Ka...sorry Clark. Last month, I remember when Oliver called asking for help with what had happened to Lois, but I didn't sense anything was wrong because Superman was still around, you see?"

Both Clark's nodded and sighed.

"Clark..." Both men turned to him and with a slight smile J'onn inclined his head in the direction of the man he wished to address "Does your wife know that her older self is responsible for this?"

Clark rubbed his hands over his face, and shared with them Chloe's news earlier, bringing them up to date on their current situation.

Dianna and J'onn looked at each other gravely "It does not sound good my friends, but we cannot judge her hastily. Even if she knew years ago, her older self could have wiped her memories of when she came here."

They all nodded in understanding but sensing the doubt reflected in everyone's eyes J'onn nodded as well "Yes, it is very unlikely, but judging without proof isn't right or fair." He pressed quietly "I know you are both very angry, I can read that clearly within you both, and also understand why this is so, but anger clouds the mind my friends, so please try not to focus on that, but instead on what we can do to put everything to rights."

The two Clark's looked at each other, their shoulders dropped, and they let out loud sighs of defeat "We're trying J'onn, we really are."

"I know, I can sense that as well." He replied with a slight upturn of his lips.

"Excuse me Dianna, J'onn, have either of you had breakfast, would you like something to eat?" Martha asked looking between the two, and at the amused smiles that were generated from everyone, shrugged in return "I'm a mother and food's one of the first things we think of to help."

Their smiles grew bigger, but both visitors declined anything to eat, however, when she offered coffee they accepted with pleasure.

"Do we have any Oreo's mom?" Smallville asked with a quick look at J'onn and saw his face light up. At her nod, his friend's face almost beamed and chuckling lightly he got up to retrieve the package and tossed it J'onn "They're all yours." He'd no sooner finished than the packet was ripped open, and the Oreos began to be consumed.

Once Martha brought fresh coffee over, they all sat quietly sipping the hot beverage. Smallville cocked his head, turning to address his friend as the idea came to him "Dianna, you can make Lana tell you the truth right?"

She nodded and smiled "Yes, with the Lasso of Truth around her, she won't be able to lie to me."

He nodded and smiled in satisfaction "Then you can get her to tell you if she was responsible, and tell us how to reverse it if she knows." Dianna inclined her head "Ok, so when she comes at lunch time you can put the Lasso around her and ..."

She held up her hand forestalling his excited voice "I can do this Clark, but if you still wish to hide everything from Lois, then I'll have to pick my moment carefully. As we don't know if reversing things is something that only Lana can do, as she was the one who did the initial spell to begin with, or if it's something that anyone can do, but will still take some time to prepare for before doing anything, then either you'll have to tell Lois the truth or send her away for the intervening time." She paused for a moment and looked at him steadily "In a perfect world, I could make Lana tell me the truth, and reversing things will only take us a matter of minutes, but we can't assume it will be so simple."

He nodded disconsolately, looked at his twin and saw the resignation in his eyes as well. Sighing heavily he swiped his hand over the back of his neck "I can't tell Lois yet, not only will she be angry that I'm intending to play with her life, especially if she finds out that Lana's already done so; but I'll also have to take the time explaining everything else to her, and that won't take just a few minutes. She'll have questions and arguments, and rather than spending the time debating it with her, I'd much rather just do it and get our lives back; but I have another idea." Turning to his other friend he hoped the desperation wasn't shining too bright from his eyes "J'onn, reading minds is easy for you, correct?" He inclined his head "So if you read Lana, you'll know if she's aware of what her older self did?" He nodded once again "Would you also be able to read her mind to find out how to fix it?"

J'onn swallowed the mouthful of cookie, sipped his coffee and nodded "Yes, I can easily read her to find out if she is aware of what her older self did, but as for the spell she performed to bring it about, she will have to consciously think of it for me to read it." At their perplexity he explained "As whatever was done was the result of magic, I do not want to rush in hastily and snatch anything out of her mind to try and fix this; or we could do something which will make things even worse."

"Ok, I understand that, but if she consciously thinks of it, you'll be able to read her." Smallville confirmed holding back his excitement.

J'onn smiled "Yes my friend, I will. We all have different gifts but we are not witches or magically inclined in the same way that Lana is or was. If she thinks of the spell that was used, I can get that from her mind and we can work backwards to try and fix it; or if she thinks to herself, I can reverse what I did by doing such and such, then we will know what has to be done without any guess work involved."

"I like the second idea best." Martha put in quietly and when her son's nodded, she smiled in relief and reached over to pick up a hand of each man "Sweeties, I know you want this solved quickly and I don't blame you, but I'm glad you also want to do this the right way."

"I do mom, I want my life back and I know that Clark does too, but I'd prefer to know how to change everything back the right way, rather than stumbling around blindly and possibly making things worse." Smallville replied squeezing her hand, and turning shared a look of acknowledgment from his twin.

"Me too mom." Clark put in softly and also squeezed her hand.

Smallville had just opened his mouth to ask another question when he heard slippered feet at the top of the stairs "Lois is coming." He told everyone quietly and with a quick look of shared unity they began making small talk.

oOo

Lois rolled over, yawned, stretched and tucked the blankets under her chin. She wanted to go back to sleep, but when she looked at the clock on the bedside table and found it was almost 9am decided that she'd better get up and make an appearance downstairs.

She'd had a nap yesterday afternoon, but after waking up last night, falling back asleep and then waking up again, her internal time-clock was out of whack, so she wasn't at all surprised to find that she'd slept in late.

She'd tried to explain, analyse and wish the dreams away, but they wouldn't stop. She didn't want to spend her life dreaming of another man. Just yesterday she'd said that her dream self loved Kal, but now she was starting to fear that she was falling for him also, and resented the part of herself that knew it was true.

Oliver was a good man and he didn't deserve to feel like he was second best because he wasn't. Kal was just a figment of her imagination, but for a figment he was becoming more and more real with every dream, and even more so the last two nights. She wasn't even sure anymore if last night was a dream. Over the past few years there had been a multitude of times when she'd woken up wondering what was real and what wasn't, but last night was different. Being in his arms, feeling him holding her, kissing her had felt so real that she couldn't even say that she believed utterly that it hadn't happened. As embarrassing as it was, as much as she wanted to, she just couldn't write it off as a fantasy.

If that wasn't bad enough, although she loved Ollie, even though he'd never given her reason to think that he'd ever leave her, she couldn't say that about Kal, but her dream self loved him all the same. Kal had left her, she knew it, when or why she didn't know but she felt his defection in her heart, and couldn't stop the ache from knowing that regardless of all his grandiose talk about loving her, he'd still left her behind.

She wanted to believe that she was just getting confused with the night he'd left angrily when she became engaged to Oliver, but felt in her heart that he'd left her long before that. It made no sense, she knew that. The dreams had shown her that she and Kal had dated, fallen in love and gotten engaged, but her heart told her otherwise.

He heart told her that he had loved her once upon a time, but it hadn't stopped him from leaving her. One day he was there, the next he was gone and then he was back again. Real or not, she wasn't interested in a man who only wanted her because she was unavailable. She'd had enough of that to last her a lifetime, and wasn't going to take it from one more man; not even a figment of her imagination.

Her dream self loved him, but she didn't, wouldn't; Oliver was her fiancé and it was Oliver whom she was going to marry.

Sighing deeply, she pushed aside the bedcovers and got up, made a quick stop in the bathroom, washed her hands and face, brushed her teeth and deciding that breakfast could come before a shower, made her way downstairs.

Upon reaching the kitchen she followed the sound of voices, and was surprised at the sight that met her eyes "Good morning everyone." They all turned and wished her with a smile.

Smiling she tilted her head and addressed the two visitors "Dianna, J'onn it's nice to see you both, but what..." She trailed off with lifted brows.

"Hi Lois." Both greeted her warmly.

"I called them Lo..." When she swung around to face him, Smallville shrugged casually "I thought of the JLA this morning. In my world you, I and Chloe know they're in the league..." at her curiosity he gave a light wave "...I'll explain how later. Anyway when I checked on the internet and found who was in league here, I called Dianna and asked if she could come and bring J'onn with her; they arrived a little while ago." He paused and quickly added before she could ask "They know my mom and Chloe can be trusted, after all they've both been hiding that I'm an alien for years and Clark, well he is one so..." He trailed off hoping that would be enough to settle any suspicions she had, and felt relieved when she seemed to accept it.

Lois nodded slowly "It makes sense that the same players are in both worlds, but why Dianna and J'onn in particular?"

He smiled glad to have an answer ready "J'onn because he can read minds, so hopefully he can help with finding out about Lana's involvement, and how to get me home, and Dianna because she's virtually impervious to magic."

She turned to her friend and grinned "You're impervious to magic, wow, I didn't know that."

Dianna smiled and bobbed her head "It's not something that comes in handy very often, but it's certainly very useful in this case."

"True, so does Ollie know you're here?" She asked with raised her brows.

"No, but we're going to call him soon just in case we're needed..." She turned to Smallville "... no offence Clark but if there's an emergency..." Dianna trailed off with a smile.

Smallville held up his hands and nodded "Understood."

"To help save any confusion, call one of them Smallville and the other Clark, otherwise you'll have both of them answering you." Lois put in with a smothered laugh. "I'd help but I can't tell you which one's which at the moment."

"Smallville." He put up his hand and waved.

"Clark." His twin did the same.

Turning to Martha, Lois cocked her head "Do you have name tags?"

The older woman shook her head in amusement, and unable to help herself Chloe chimed in "Just remember Lo, the blue shirt is Smallville, and the red shirt is Clark."

"Oh please, that's the kind of thing twins enjoy tricking everyone with." She tapped her chin and looked at the men "I'll think of something."

"Please don't Lo, god only knows what you'd come up with; I promise we won't change shirts." Smallville vowed solemnly and Clark nodded emphatically in agreement.

"Ok, so Dianna, J'onn, just remember Smallville is red, Clark is blue."

"Other way Lo." Smallville put in with a straight face.

"Just testing." She promptly replied, then turned to smile at the visitors and saw both were nodding gravely, while their lips twitched.

Knowing that it would be rude to ignore it, Dianna pointed and smiled "I see that you're wearing some new jewellery Lois."

Lois grinned and held up her hand "Yeah, what'd you think?"

"It's beautiful, I'm very happy for you." Dianna replied sincerely.

"I also wish you well." J'onn replied smiling.

"Thanks, but act surprised when Ollie tells you, I've already told everyone here so it's only fair that he tells you both."

"Smallville called me after I'd left the Watchtower this morning, and Oliver had already broken the news to everyone of your engagement; so I can assure you that I was pleasantly surprised." Dianna smiled in return.

"I too was very happy for you both." J'onn put in with a big grin.

Smiling at them, Lois helped herself to some coffee, then sat on the arm of the couch beside Smallville before reaching over casually to pluck the package of Oreo's from J'onn. Slipping one out, she dipped it into her coffee a couple of times, brought the cookie to her mouth and began to munch.

To the amusement of everyone in the room, J'onn just as casually reached over, took the packet back, tipped out a biscuit and proceeded to demolish the cookie.

Not to be outdone, Lois once again tugged the packet from his hands, slid out another cookie and enjoyed it with relish.

Forgetting about manners, J'onn just as ruthlessly took the packet back, grabbed a cookie and shoved it in his mouth, and when Lois stepped over to grab the packet from him again, he held it out of reach.

Suppressing their amusement at the display in front of them, everyone silently laughed and enjoyed watching the show. They were also glad just be spectators to this particular battle between two people; one who loved his Oreos and the other who loved any kind of chocolate.

Lois placed her cup on the coffee table, stood up, put her hands on her hips and scowled "J'onn, give me a cookie."

"Clark said they were all mine." Considering his mouth was full it was a wonder anyone could understand him, but Lois had no problem doing so and neither did anyone else.

She turned around, and shot both Clark's a look filled with heat before turning back "He's a liar, those are communal cookies." She replied flatly.

"Lo, you haven't had breakfast yet." Smallville put in meekly.

She swung to face him and growled "Are there Oreo cookies for breakfast?"

"Um...well no but there are pancakes." He replied with a slight smile, and knew that it fell far short of charming when she simply growled again.

"First you steal my chocolate covered almonds, and now you try to palm me off with pancakes." She all but hissed.

Smallville held up his hands in surrender, and shot his mom a look screaming for help. With lips twitching, Martha intervened "Lois dear, there's also bacon."

She considered for a moment, sighed, nodded and re-took her seat "Ok, I'll have pancakes and bacon but after breakfast I'm going into town. I have a hankering for cookies that nothing but Oreos will satisfy now."

Knowing she was just making a point, they all nodded and after glugging down the coffee she stood up "Well I've had a couple of cookies so I'll eat breakfast after my shower." And so saying she swung toward the stairs but paused long enough to turn around and call out "Hey J'onn, want me to pick you up a packet of Oreos as well." At his beaming smile, she chuckled, nodded and waved in agreement.

oOo

Once she'd retreated upstairs and was safely in the shower Smallville turned back "Ok, she's in the shower so we're good."

J'onn looked at the men and assured them quietly "She does remember your relationship my friends, but..." He paused trying to find a way to explain what he'd read from Lois, but found it hard to put into words.

Seeing his difficulty the two men looked at each other and grimaced "We know J'onn, Lois told us she's been having dreams, but she doesn't know it's us, that she's been dreaming of."

He nodded "This I understand, her memories are not like yours..." he turned to address Clark "She does have memories, but they are not complete, she sees you but refers to you as Kal or Superman, not Clark."

At the startled look on the faces surrounding him, Smallville nodded "I found that out last night, I wasn't going to say anything because she clearly didn't want to share it, but yeah, I think that when she dreams of Clark, she calls me Kal."

J'onn smiled sympathetically "Some of her memories are very clear, others seem to be disconnected to the rest."

"She told us that too." Chloe put in quietly, and noticed that Martha had once again picked up a hand of each of her boys.

J'onn's brow wrinkled "She believes they are not real, but..."

"But what?" Smallville asked sitting forward with interest and noted his twin had done the same.

"You said that she dreamed, yes?" They all nodded "While she was sitting here with us, she was thinking about her dream last night. She was trying to convince herself that it didn't really happen, but her mind kept swinging back and forth; she is not sure." He finished quietly.

The two Clark's looked at each other, and Smallville confessed softly "Last night I pretended to be a dream, and spent a little time with her."

Dianna leant over and patted his hand, J'onn nodded in understanding, but looking at his twin Smallville waited for the blast, and felt relieved when it didn't come.

"It's ok, I understand why you didn't want to say anything about Kal. Lois hadn't mentioned it to us, so it would have been almost like breaking her trust." He paused and smiled ruefully "I'm not going to say that I don't feel jealous that you were with her last night even for a short time, but if I had been you, I would have taken the opportunity as well."

Everyone let out quiet relieved breaths and nodding in thanks Smallville turned to Dianna when she spoke. She looked between the two men "I'm sorry Clark, both Clark's; this can't be easy for either of you."

"It's not but until we can fix whatever's been done, we just have to live with it and pretend." Clark replied soberly.

She nodded "Tell me Clark, does your Lana know about J'onn and I?"

He shook his head in response "No, she doesn't know anyone in the JLA's real identities. She knows that Smallville was in the JLA in what she believes was his world, but that's all."

"Then we will also tell her that Smallville called us to help get him back home." Dianna turned to J'onn to see if he agreed and felt gratified when he inclined his head in approval.

"But do you really want her to know that you're in the JLA?" He asked quietly

"We won't be ourselves, we will be using the identities we portray in JLA, so she won't know who we really are." She replied simply.

They all looked at each other and smiled, and feeling that maybe the end was in sight a lot sooner than expected, the two Clark's grinned.

oOo

Lana closed the spell book with a deep sigh, although a lot of the spells had names and a little description of what they could do, she didn't feel confident of trying any of them. She could try a forget spell but that wouldn't achieve much, all Smallville had to do was open his wallet, see the picture of him and Lois, and everyone would start questioning.

She could try a love spell, but as she wasn't willing to try anything on the men, that brought no joy either; and even if she was tempted, Chloe and Martha would soon become suspicious.

She looked over at the clock, saw that it was almost 10.15am and rose to get another cup of coffee before returning to the table. Something subtle, she had to try something that was so little or insignificant that if it worked or didn't work, no one would notice it or question. However, she didn't like her chances of success with that, since she virtually didn't know what the hell she was doing.

Sighing, she once again opened the book, rubbed her forehead and began to read, flipping through the pages, skimming over the words, determined to find something to at least try.

oOo

After breakfast Lois slipped upstairs grabbed her purse and returned to the living room "Ok, well I've had enough to eat, and now I'm going into town to get the cookies. Martha did you want anything?"

"Yes please dear, Dianna, J'onn will you join us for lunch?"

The two exchanged looks and turned back with a smile "We'd like to Mrs Kent if that's ok? Hopefully we can get this sorted out today and send Smallville home, so unless we're needed elsewhere, we'll stay here for now if no one minds?"

Seeing the appreciative smiles cast back at them, they knew they were more than welcome and smiled in return. After scribbling out the list Martha handed it to Lois "Would you like some company dear?"

"Nah, I won't be long, but fill me in on whatever you lot come up with when I get back ok?" She looked at each in turn and only after they all agreed did she leave with a quick wave.

Watching until his fiancé pulled out of the driveway, Smallville turned back to face the crowd "Ok, now that Lo's gone we have a little time to talk freely; unfortunately not much because Lana will be here about 12.30 but at least once she arrives we'll know where we stand."

"Sweeties, I'm going to start on lunch, so all of you keep talking and I'll hear ok?" Both men smiled at their mom and when Chloe got up to follow and gestured that she'd be helping as well, they bobbed their heads in acknowledgement.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Oliver Queen sat at his desk and smiled, he couldn't believe how good life was; a little over two years ago he'd gone to see Clark to ask him to join the Justice League once again, and when he'd arrived at the Kent farmhouse, the biggest and best surprise was waiting for him; Lois Lane.

As soon as he saw Lois again he wondered how in hell he'd ever managed to walk away from her so many years previously, but he'd been damn glad that by seeking Clark out he'd found Lois again and she was still single. From the moment he knew that information, he knew that he was going to get her back, and this time he wasn't going to be so stupid as to walk away again.

He'd called Chloe Sullivan the next day, found out when Lois was due back from visiting the Kent's, managed to get Lois' phone number by a little computer sleuthing and promptly left her a message. A very long message; so long that he'd only stopped talking when the tape in her machine cut out.

As she was due back on the Monday morning, he'd left her alone all day to do any errands that she had, but had promptly arrived on her doorstep at 6pm with a wide variety of Chinese take away for dinner. Then he managed to finagle his way in the door to share a lovely dinner, and a nice bottle of wine with the woman who'd captured his heart for the second time in his life.

The first time he'd met Lois he'd been young and arrogant, after the ache of leaving her had lessened, he thought that he must have over stated his feelings for her in the first place, and had decided that leaving for his Green Arrow work had been the right decision. He'd really believed that he'd put her behind him and moved on. However, when he saw her again he knew that he hadn't moved on, and leaving her had been the biggest mistake he'd made, one that he was determined not to repeat. He'd been deeply grateful to whatever good fortune was smiling on him that she was still free when he found her again.

Not that Lois was interested in getting back together with him. After dinner the first night they'd talked for a little while longer, and then they'd had sex. He honestly hadn't expected anything more than to simply start the process of courting her again, she had let him in because they were old friends and she was hungry; but they'd ended up making love several times that night, and didn't fall asleep until almost 4am. He'd woken up the next morning feeling wonderful; there hadn't been any of the morning after awkwardness, and no regrets on either side.

The best part was that as Lois didn't have work that day, there was no frantic dash for showers or attempts to push him out the door, so they'd had the time to enjoy a leisurely breakfast while chatting casually about the news. However, while he was standing at the front door in his rumpled clothes prior to leaving the bomb dropped, and the morning which had started out so great, dissolved into the morning after from hell.

"Thanks for bringing dinner over last night, I enjoyed it."

"You gave me one hell of tip." He grinned, appreciating her answering chuckle "So how about a repeat performance tonight, but this time I promise we'll go out to dinner at a restaurant."

"Thanks for the offer but ..."

"Ok we can forget dinner and just have sex."

"Ollie, last night was great but it was..." She trailed off then sighed "I don't think we should repeat it."

"Last night was just what Lois; just sex?" He asked quietly, his pleasant mood of earlier now gone.

She shrugged half heartedly "Last night was a six year old itch that needed scratching, but that's been done now and ..." She trailed off again uncomfortably.

He nodded while his heart dropped "I see, just an itch, thanks Lois."

"C'mon Ollie, we're both adults, don't make it out to be more than it was."

"I thought maybe we could start again, I was hoping that was what you wanted too."

"No, Ollie it's not, I'm sorry."

"Can I ask why?" He asked quietly.

"We were over a long time ago; I'm just not the kind of woman who's interested in repeating the same mistakes over and over."

"You think we were a mistake."

"We were a good mistake." Her lips lifted in a smile of remembered sentiment "I don't regret our relationship for a minute, but we've been over for a long time. We had some good times, and we've got last night to add to our bag of memories, but I think we should just leave it there."

He'd looked at her for a moment, slipped his hand around the back of her neck, tugged her to him and covered her mouth with his; then dropped his jacket and car keys on the floor, wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss. When their lips parted he smiled, picked up his belongings from the floor and tugged open the front door "I'm going to win you back Lois."

"Ollie..."

He shook his head and smiled "Walking away from you WAS the biggest mistake of my life, but it's not one that I'm going to repeat." He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it "Ms Lane I'm going to court you."

"Court me?" She asked with quirked brow "Isn't it a bit late for courting?"

"It's never too late for courting." He replied with a shake of his head "Our relationship will just work backwards that's all, which to me just makes it all the more exciting; now that we've got the sexual tension out of the way, I plan to win your heart."

And he'd set out to do just that; as most of his time was spent in Star City, most of his courtship couldn't be done in person but he decided that it was the thought that counted. He called her at work just to say hello, sent her flowers, sent her funny emails and text messages, called her on the phone to chat, was her sounding board when she needed to rant and had dinner sent to her at the Planet, when he called and found that she was working late.

He'd returned to Metropolis a few times since their first night together, but one Saturday afternoon he'd turned up at her apartment hoping to entice her to join him for a day at the park, but as the day became overcast and soon began to rain, they'd ended up staying at her place playing cards. They were in the middle of their third hand when he told her that he was the Green Arrow, and had the jolt of seeing her lips crook up before she admittedm that she knew it already.

When he asked her how, she replied that every time he was in Metropolis so was the Green Arrow; and she'd checked and noticed that everywhere he was so was the Green Arrow. He'd felt his face flush and wondered if anyone else had made the connection but she shook her head and told him that if they had, he'd know about it by now. He was surprised that she wasn't angry at his silence years previously, but when she replied that she understood that he couldn't, given her distrust of the Green Arrow years before, he could only be grateful that she wasn't going to rip him a new one.

He knew that he was finally breaking through her defences four months later, when he called her on Christmas Day, and she confessed that she missed him. He'd smiled and told her that he missed her too. She'd still been resistant and it wasn't until February that he'd managed to get her to agree to them dating, but once he did he felt like he could finally breathe. He was in this relationship for keeps so he let her set the pace, and it was a further four months before they slept together again, and this time there was no morning after 'brush off.'

They'd been together for a year before she told him that she loved him; and although he hadn't said the words to her, she knew how he felt. They had a three day weekend and were at his apartment enjoying a leisurely brunch on the veranda when she told him. He was reading the paper while she quietly munched on her toast, and when he looked up, it was to find her looking at him with a smile.

"What?"

"I love you Ollie." She said smiling.

"Thank god, I've been waiting for that." He breathed out a sigh of relief, threw the paper down, jumped out of his seat to scoop her into his arms, and hugged her tight "I love you too, but you already knew that didn't you?"

"Yeah I did." She laughed, hugging him back.

"I told you that I'd win you back."

"Shut up, people who say 'I told you so' end up alone and friendless."

"You say it all the time." He reminded her pointedly.

She rolled her eyes exasperated "I'm allowed too, duh."

He'd roared with laughter and hugged her tight, his heart at peace that he finally had all he wanted in the world, right there in his arms.

He couldn't believe how great life was, he had his business, his work as the Green Arrow and Lois; he couldn't believe how lucky he was. For years he'd gone out with one woman after another, some relationships lasted for a few months, others were just short liaisons; and then he'd met Lois again and she was still single and he realised just why he'd never made a commitment to anyone else. He'd been unconsciously looking for her in every woman he met, but fortune was smiling on him, because he didn't have to find Lois in some other woman, he had the genuine article.

They had been dating for almost 18 months when she decided to throw him a birthday party. She decided it was going to be held in his Metropolis apartment then she'd called in a party planner, told them what she wanted and handed the whole mess over to them; or more accurately she told them she was handing it over to them, then promptly stuck her nose into everything they did. He'd laughed like a loon when the bills came in, and she speedily handed them over to him to be paid; informing him that he could well afford it. He was crazy about the woman, she didn't shy away from his money, she didn't feel that she couldn't spend it; not even when she was throwing a birthday party for him; he chuckled in amusement.

And he'd loved her birthday present, which she paid for. She'd taken him to Acapulco for a week of sun, sand and sex. They had lazed on the beach drinking margarita's, made love at night with the cool breeze blowing through the windows of the room, strolled through the market places and returned with a suitcase full of junk, they didn't need or want. He'd loved every second of it.

Thinking back to the party he couldn't but feel both happy and sad. The party had been great, getting together with his friends from the Justice League for pleasure instead of business, catching up with people that he hadn't seen for a while but not so long that after the first 'what have you been doing for all these years' part of the conversation was done there was awkward silence. He'd liked that she'd invited her friends as well as his, and he enjoyed that she hadn't excluded older guests, inviting her dad, uncle and others. It had been a fun relaxed party that had gone on well into the night, and he knew that everyone had enjoyed it; or most everyone.

The only part he hadn't enjoyed was noticing that Clark had spent most of the night watching Lois. Until his party he had no idea that Clark loved Lois, but that night it was so obvious it was painful to see. Everywhere Lois went, Clark's eye's followed. He didn't know if his friend was aware that he was doing it, but thought not. More than likely Clark would be mortified if he knew that his feelings were so openly displayed; but he'd felt sorry that his friend was in love with a woman that wasn't his wife.

He was happy for himself but sad for Clark; years ago the only thing on his friends mind was his ex-girlfriend Lana, and yet Lois had been right there all along. It was clear that Clark had out grown his feelings for his wife; but it had taken him far too long to realise that the real pearl had been right under his nose all along, and he'd just been too blind to see her.

If Clark hadn't married Lana he thought it likely the man could have given him a run for his money where Lois' heart was concerned. When he and Lois had dated years previously, she'd spoken about Smallville with both frustration and affection. He'd been glad at the time that she didn't have any romantic notions towards Clark, and that neither were reciprocated, because even back then the potential for the two of them was visible.

When he'd heard about Clark's marriage he'd been surprised; he knew that his friend thought he was in love with Lana but neither of them were even 20, and he couldn't understand why in hell both of them were in such a rush to tie themselves down so young. Now all he felt was sympathy that his friend was hurting, and he knew that he was. Clark had at last grown up, but he'd paid a very heavy price to get there.

He was also glad that Lois was unaware of Clark's feelings; he knew Lo, she'd be embarrassed and feel awkward as hell to know that an old friend; a married friend had feelings for her. He was glad that for someone who was so damn perceptive, his Lois could be blind at times.

He didn't talk to Clark about his feelings for Lois, what was the point and what could he say. He wasn't sorry that Lois was his, but he was sorry that his friend now knew what love really was, and he hadn't found it with his wife.

He'd told Clark that he understood Lana's reticence in letting her husband join the Justice League, but in truth he didn't. Clark would have been the perfect person for the job; there was almost nothing he couldn't do, and only one thing that could kill him. And even if that did happen, he firmly believed that if it was for the greater good, then no sacrifice was too high. He'd already accepted that on his own behalf, as had all the other members of the league. Hell police, fire fighters and the like knew that everyday could very well be their last day on this earth, but also accepted, that if they could save lives then it was worth it. He thought Lana was selfish from holding her husband back, and Clark had been irresponsible to make such a promise to her, but it was his life and if he wanted to waste his powers and potential on farm animals then it was his business; but he still considered it a waste.

He was damn glad that Lois wasn't a woman of the same kind of stamp as Lana. Lois worried about him, she yelled at him when he cut it a little close and nearly died once or twice, she bandaged him up and kept watch over him until he was alright; but she never once suggested that she didn't want him to keep doing, what he knew he had to do. She just told him that if he got killed, she was going to bring him back to life then kill him again for thinking he could skip out on her.

The day that she'd moved in with him was right up there as one of the best days of his life; he'd been trying to get her to move to Star City for months, but she'd always resisted. However, a month after his birthday party, he'd gone to Metropolis to spend the weekend with his girlfriend, only to find that she'd packed her bags to move in with him. He'd laughed like crazy when she told him that he could pay someone to move all her junk because she couldn't be bothered with it herself; and when he'd left on the Sunday night, she left with him and moved to Star City.

It hadn't taken her long to find a position at the city newspaper, her talents were well known, and half the time he didn't know who was nursing whom; she nursing him for this various cuts and bruises as Green Arrow, or he nursing her through her war wounds as a journalist. Lois had always taken risks for her articles, but now that he was around 24/7, he found that it was possible for a man in his mid 30's to have a heart attack almost daily courtesy of his girlfriend. And he wouldn't change a damn thing.

He'd asked her to marry him the first time 6 months after they started dating and she said no, he asked her the second time 6 months later and she said no, he'd proposed the third time two weeks after she moved in with him, and once again she said no. But only a few days ago, he'd asked for the fourth time and she'd finally said yes. Actually he hadn't asked so much as yelled; and surprisingly it worked. She'd laughed and told him that any man who yelled at her to 'fucking marry him already' was the man for her. Lois Lane was his, his to love and keep for the rest of his life, and life had never looked sweeter.

When the phone rang, he picked it up but didn't have time to say more than hello before the smile dropped of his face at the sound of her voice, and his heart clenched tight in fear.

oOo

After purchasing the Oreos and the few things that Martha had requested, Lois began the drive back to the farm. When her phone rang she answered, had a quick conversation with Oliver, hung up and switched on the music, but half way back to the farm she began to feel slightly nauseas.

She ignored it and kept driving, hoping that whatever was wrong would soon pass. However, instead of improving she began to feel worse. She wound down the window hoping the fresh air would help, but even though it was winter and the cold air should have made her chilly, she began to feel incredibly hot, and felt the sweat break out on her forehead and upper lip. Pulling over to the side of the road, she laid her forehead on the steering wheel, taking one deep breath after another, and after a few minutes began to feel slightly better. Knowing that she wasn't feeling well enough to drive, but only wanting to get back to the farm, she put the car back in gear, kept her mind on the road and drove.

She hadn't gone far when a sharp shooting pain, unlike anything she'd ever felt before shot through her stomach. Leaving one hand on the wheel, she moved her other arm down and cradled her stomach. Her foot lifted slightly off the accelerator, the car slowed down, she began to steer the car to the side of the road, but when the pain shot through her stomach with even more force, black dots appeared in her vision, before unconsciousness became her companion, Her foot pressed down, the car picked up speed, careened off the road, cut through corn fields and fencing, and came to a stop in a ditch.

She didn't know how much time had passed when she came to, but after getting out of the car and feeling the hood, didn't think it could be long since the engine was still hot. She looked around, walked a few feet in one direction, turned and walked in the other, wondering how far she was from the farm. With a deep sigh, she decided to call Chloe and request one of the Clark's to come and tow her car out of the field.

She'd begun to trek back to the car when a warmth began to spread through her insides; and wherever there was warmth, intense heat, and pain soon followed; snaking from her stomach, and climbing ever upwards. She ran to the car, grateful that she'd left the door open, and almost flung herself at the driver's side, diving for her purse and pulled it out, then sat on the ground with her back against the open car, and her head resting back on the seat. Swiping a hand over her face impatiently, she wrenched the purse open, reached in to pull out the phone, and almost cried in frustration when her hand couldn't find it. Recalling that she'd tossed it on the passenger seat after talking to Oliver; she gingerly got to her knees, turned around, and bit her lip when the pain intensified at the slightest movement. Ignoring everything, she lifted up slightly to reach the seat, patted around until her hand grasped the phone then lay still with her face resting on the driver's seat.

Her breath panted harshly through gritted teeth, but unsure if she could hold out for much longer, she pulled out of the car, thumped back onto the ground and pressed automatic dial; praying that he wasn't in a meeting or otherwise occupied.

"Hello."

At the sound of his voice she almost cried in relief "Ollie, oh god Ollie."

"Lois what's wrong?"

Tears sprang to her eyes when the pain settled like a hard ball in her belly, curling up on the ground she shook her head "I don't know, Ollie please call the farm...ask someone to come help me."

"I will Lo, I'm calling them on the other phone now...come on, come one..." realising he'd punched a wrong button in his haste, he ground his teeth and started again. Pushing the buttons quickly but carefully, he closed his eyes in relief at hearing the dial tone "Lois talk to me ok...pick up the damn phone...just keep talking to me ok Lo... Lois are you there?" Oliver cried, standing up behind his desk, wanting to throw the phone in frustration.

"Mmmm...Oll...oh god...Ollie please...Oll..."

"Lois...Lois...LOIS!" Oliver pounded the desk in frustration "Pick up the goddamn phone..." When the other line was finally picked up he didn't bother with politeness "Chloe is Clark there, I need to talk to him now, RIGHT NOW!"

It seemed to take forever for the line to be picked up, but could only have been a moment and when he heard his friends voice on the line, felt slightly calmer "Clark, I've got Lois on the other line and something's wrong, please find..." The next moment Chloe was back on the line asking questions.

oOo

After a little more discussion the two Clark's went outside, finished their chores in super-time and was back in the house minutes later. They kept the visitors engaged in conversation, all stopped for a nice morning tea, and while the men did the dishes, Dianna and J'onn checked to ensure they weren't needed elsewhere.

Moving back into the lounge room the four talked about league business. Chloe and Martha listened, enjoying the stories that were told, sighing and shaking their heads, laughing and encouraging everyone to continue. Clark enjoyed talking with people who had been there with him, who understood and made his memories all the more real. So when the phone rang, they all looked at each other to see who'd answer. Shaking her head Chloe volunteered with an admonition not to continue until she was free, and after washing her hands, picked up the receiver.

At the sound of panic in Oliver's voice all amusement and levity vanished, she turned and addressed the men "Clark, Oliver's on the phone asking for you; it sounds really urgent."

Clark raced to pick up the line, Smallville tuned into the call, and both had no sooner heard the first words spoken then they left the house in a whirlwind.

Snatching up the receiver from where it had been dropped Chloe looked at Martha, and spoke "Oliver what's going on?"

"I don't know, Lois just called me and asked me to call someone at the farm to help her." She could hear the agitation in his voice, and his pacing around the desk "God Chloe she sounded really bad."

"Did she have an accident...?" She looked at Martha, and saw the same fear reflected on her face that she felt in her gut.

He cut in trying to stay calm but finding it hard to do "I don't know Chloe, she didn't say but while I was waiting for the phone to be picked up, she was talking and then she just stopped; I don't know what's wrong."

She nodded and took the proffered hand that Martha held out "Ok Ollie it's ok, both Clark's have gone to find Lois, and you know they'll be quick, hell they'll be with her right now; do you want to wait or do you want us to call you back?"

"No don't hang up please..." He sighed hugely and sat down on his seat, hating that he was in another city while his fiancé was somewhere hurt while he was in Star City helpless.

oOo

Lana closed the book with a sigh, she needed to know if what she'd just tried had worked, it was unlikely since she really had no idea of what she was doing, but if it had, then at least she'd know that she wasn't just wasting her time. If it worked then Lois would have felt distinctly unwell, but not enough to harm her unduly. It wouldn't have lasted for long, but hopefully long enough that when she joined everyone at the farm, someone would mention it.

If it had worked then she could use the spell she'd found to encourage Lois into getting married sooner rather than later. That would at least divert the men's attention from wondering what she was up to, as they would be fully employed spending their time trying to stop Lois from marrying Oliver, and subsequently give her time to find a solution to merge the Clark's back together, and fix whatever she'd done wrong previously; she hoped.

Unfortunately most of this was guesswork, and hoping. She raked her hands through her hair before letting them fall uselessly to the table. If only she'd held onto the magic, if only she could find a spell that would help her to get it all back, then at least the guess work would be taken out. True she'd stuffed up when she was somewhat skilled, but she'd still felt more confident back then, than she did now.

Flipping through the book again and again, she rubbed her brow, made herself another coffee and sat back to nurse it. She was getting nowhere fast; she'd looked through the damned book so many times that nothing was making sense anymore. If she could just remember how to affect people's memories, or find a way of doing it then half her problem would be solved. She'd make everyone forget what they currently knew, and then carefully lead them all into believing they were genuinely trying to help Smallville get back to his own world. That would have to be better than knowing they were aware that she had done something, which caused the men to be split in the first place.

Wishes and dreams, that's what her happiness was hinging on, but she couldn't give up. Not when she'd already fought so hard to keep her husband's love, not when she'd already gone to so much trouble to take back all that had been rightfully hers in the first place.

She looked over at the clock, saw the time and shook her head. Great, the morning was gone and now it was almost lunch time, which meant she had to go to the farm. In a way that was good, if she stayed here, she'd keep looking and just get more and more frustrated, but maybe by stepping away from it for a little while, she'd gain a fresh perspective.

She pushed back her chair, picked up the book, walked into the bedroom, and tucked the book into her cupboard. She'd have to see how the wind was blowing, if she felt safe enough to excuse herself without rousing suspicion, she'd come back home after lunch, if that wasn't possible, she'd look again tonight. For now she had to go to the farm, if only to find out if what she'd tried on Lois had worked. Then at least she'd know if she was getting somewhere or not.

oOo

Internally castigating themselves for not picking up the phone on the first ring both Clark's raced to find Lois. They could hear her heart beating, and knew that she was ok in that respect, but the sound of fear in Oliver's voice was like a never ending mantra in their ears.

A few minutes later they found her car, and Lois lying on the ground beside the open driver's door unconscious. Sliding to his knees, Smallville picked her up, cradled her in one arm and smoothed the hair from her brow "Lois...Lo, we're here baby, you can wake up now."

He looked at his twin, saw the fear in his face, and swallowed hard "Clark, can you pull the car out, and make sure it's working, if Lois comes around we'll need it because we didn't bring our own."

His twin nodded, and picking Lois up, Smallville carried her a few feet away, pressed his lips against her brow and began calling to her again "Lois, please wake up."

Clark looked around far and wide with his super-vision, noted they were definitely alone and picking up the car, carried it back to the road. When the engine turned over at the first try, he breathed out a deep sigh of relief, switched the car off then sped back to his twin and Lois.

Smallville smoothed her hair again "Lois I want you to wake up, ok." He began to examine her but at his twin's voice stopped and looked up.

"I just checked, she doesn't have any internal trauma and the car's ok, so she wasn't hurt in the accident." Clark informed him quietly.

Nodding he turned to the woman in his arms again but before he could speak, she began to stir, and both men closed their eyes tight for a moment before opening them to fix on her face.

"Lo are you ok?"

"Kal..." Her eyelids fluttered up, her eyes were glassy, her tone questioning; indicating that she wasn't quite with it at the moment.

"Yes baby it's Kal, are you ok?" Smallville asked quietly brushing his lips against the top of her head.

She shook her head slightly in bewilderment "I don't know, I felt really bad before and now I feel so tired."

"What'd you mean, you felt really bad?"

She swallowed and shook her head "I don't know..." Her eyes moved to Clark and with a light frown, she lifted her hand and laid it on his thigh "Why are there two of you?"

Smallville shared a quick look with his twin, before turning back to the woman in his arms "Lo..." When her eyes turned back to him in confusion, he hoped changing the subject would deter further questions "I'm going to take you to the hospital alright?" He replied quietly, brushing her hair back with his hand

"No, I just wanna sleep."

"Baby, there could be something wrong..." When she shook her head stubbornly, he sighed in resignation "Then how about I take you to our apartment, and if you don't feel well I'll fly you to the hospital, ok?"

"Ok." She sighed and closed her eyes.

"She thinks..." Clark broke off with a troubled frown.

"Yeah, she's not with it so she thinks that she's dreaming." Smallville scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed deciding what to do "We'll take her to the farm; you've checked her over so we know she wasn't hurt in the accident, and her heart sounds good, but we'll keep an eye on her and at the first sign..."

His twin sighed and nodded as well "Do you think she'll remember this?"

"Unlikely, she's not thinking straight; plus as you know most people in accidents or similar don't tend to remember the first few minutes of consciousness." Smallville firmed his grip on Lois and rose to his feet "I'd prefer to fly her back but I can't because we can't let anyone see us; shit I hate this."

"I know, look it'll only take us 10 minutes at most to get back to the farm, and unfortunately it's the only option we have at the moment." Knowing his twin was right; Smallville nodded and strode to the car with Lois in his arms. He passed her to Clark, held out his arms when he was settled in the back seat, and once she was held safely in his twin's arms, Clark raced to the field to retrieve her purse and phone, and was back in the car and behind the wheel in seconds.

The drive seemed to take forever, Smallville kept his eyes on Lois, Clark kept looking at her in the rear-vision mirror. When he brought the car to a halt in front of the house, he wasn't the least surprised when the screen door slammed open and his mom rushed outside with Chloe fast on her heels.

"How is she?"

"Is she alright, what happened?"

Both Chloe and Martha's questions flew out at the same time as they looked between the men, the anxiety on their faces clear to see.

"We don't know, Lois came around for a minute, said that she felt bad earlier and that she now felt tired, but that was all we could get before she fell asleep." Smallville replied quietly, passing Lois to his twin and climbing out of the car.

"Is she asleep or unconscious?" Chloe asked worriedly, skipping up the stairs behind the men and almost bouncing in agitation.

"She's just asleep Chlo." Clark reassured her, carrying Lois up the stairs to his old room and placing her on the bed.

She nodded and turned to the elder Kent "Do you mind letting Oliver know they're back with Lo, let him know..."

Martha smiled reassuringly "It's ok Chloe, I'll talk to him." And with a final look at the woman lying on the bed, she left the room quietly.

oOo

"What do you think happened?" Chloe asked quietly, sitting beside her cousin.

The men shook their heads, looked at each other and saw the burning anger in each other eyes.

"We don't know Chloe, we really don't and until Lois wakes up and tells us we won't know."

"Do you think Lana did it?" She asked forthrightly.

"Yes." Both men answered shortly.

Scrubbing a hand over his face Smallville sighed and replied once again "Yes, Chloe I do, but it's unfair to blame her for everything that happens without solid proof. This really could be just one of those things."

She nodded and hoped that it was "Besides Lana's at work so..."

Clark shook his head and cut in, his voice soft with resignation "We don't know that, I can go home and check, but as Smallville said, it isn't fair to blame her for everything without proof."

Nodding again Chloe ventured quietly "Well maybe you don't need to check, J'onn will know one way or the other when she gets here."

"Yeah." Scrubbing his hand over his face Clark sighed "It's probably not a good idea if I go and check anyway. Until we know just what kind of power Lana has, we can't confront her; and if I find her at home, I'm not sure that I'll be able to stay rational long enough to keep quiet."

Giving him a commiserating smile Chloe nodded once again.

"Can you two go downstairs and talk to Dianna and J'onn. They'll be staying unless an emergency crops us, but if one does, then we need a contingency plan on what to do. I don't wanna leave Lois alone right now, so can you go down? You can fill me in later on what's decided." Smallville looked between them.

Chloe nodded, sent a quick look to Clark and slipped out of the room.

Clark hesitated, looked at his twin and gestured with his head. Getting up from his seat beside Lois, Smallville followed his twin to stand beside the window. Keeping his voice low, but knowing that he had to speak, Clark sighed "I know that Lois was your fiancée more than she was mine. The memories you have of our life with her are clear and untarnished, whereas mine are clouded by my marriage to Lana." He paused, swiped his hand over his face and his next words held firm conviction "I don't have the memories of being with Lois like you do, but I love her just as much."

Smallville nodded in reply "I know you do Clark, I don't doubt that for one minute; we are the same man, but our connection to Lois is slightly different to each other. I'm not saying you don't love her as much, or that she wasn't your fiancée because that would be a lie; it's just different."

Clark nodded and swallowed hard "When we fix this I want...I don't want..."

Smallville cut in gently "I know what you want, because I want the same thing." When his twin looked at him in weary doubt, he shrugged, gave a slight smile and repeated "We are the same man remember, so I know what's in your mind because it's been in mine. When we're merged back together, I don't want your memories of being married to Lana, carried into my mind anymore than you do."

Clark bobbed his head once again, and made his way to the door "I'd like to spend some time alone with Lois too."

Smallville shook his head lightly "You don't have to ask for my permission, and you'll get your chance. Lois is a hard person to ignore and she hates being left out of the loop; just be careful around Lana..."

"You too." Clark cut in with a faint smile.

Nodding indication of a hit direct, he waited until the door closed softly behind his twin, before returning to stand beside the bed. After a moment's hesitation, he lay down and stretched out beside her. His eyes roamed over her face while his hand brushed the hair away from her brow, and like a heat seeking missile Lois moved closer, tucked her arm over his waist, and cuddled into his side.

He brushed his lips against her cheek, held her tight and closed his eyes wishing, just wishing that it was all over, and they were back where they belonged. When he opened his eyes, he found they were still at the farm, and picking up her hand looked down to see Oliver's ring on her finger. His lips twisted at the sight, and using his thumb he twirled it around until the stone was underneath and only the plain band showed on top. It didn't solve anything, but for now he could at least pretend it was his wedding ring that was sitting on her finger.

By the relaxed pattern of her breathing and the rhythm of her heart he knew that Lois was fast asleep, but when she murmured Kal under her breath, he closed his eyes once again. Dreams or not, there was a part of her that knew, KNEW that she belonged with him; he had just to find a way to tell her.

He couldn't take this for much longer, if J'onn couldn't find a way to get the information they needed from Lana's mind, or even if he did but it was going to take time, then he was going to tell Lois everything. She might not accept it, she might be relieved given the dreams that she'd been having, but he was going to risk it all and tell her anyway. Hopefully she'd accept the truth enough, that regardless of how she felt about it one way or the other, she'd help; and god willing, want them to find a way to get back everything that had been taken from them.

With her face tucked into his neck, he felt every small little puff of air she exhaled. Holding her close in his arms, he closed his eyes knowing that he'd have to get up soon, and drifted off into memory of when she'd been returned to him only last month.

He loved to feel Lois lying on top of him, currently her arms were around his neck, stretched out and tucked under his pillow, while her mouth was plastered against his neck.

Enjoying the feeling of her body pressed full length against his, as her foot roamed up and down his leg tickling gently, he smiled and crushed her gently closer. God having her back in his arms felt good; right, her body on his heavenly and her mouth on his neck wickedly delicious.

She'd been back for a week and he'd barely let her out of his sight.

"Baby are you trying to give me a hickey again?" He asked, running his hands up and down her arms, down to circle her back and over her bottom then up again.

"Uh huh." Lois's murmur was lost against his neck as her tongue, lips and teeth stayed busily engaged.

He knew Lois was tenacious, so was well aware the next question was just rhetorical, but couldn't help asking all the same "Are you ever gonna give up?"

"You want me to?" She lifted her head, her brows high in challenge.

"Nope."

She patted his shoulder and nodded "That's good because I wasn't going to. You'll see, one day I'm gonna get through this super skin of yours, and you'll finally have a hickey in repayment for all the one's you've given me."

"They were love bites."

"Yeah yeah, call em what you like, I feel like I've been branded by the Kent insignia." Her mouth dropped open at the abashed look on his face, then eyes narrowed "You've gotta be…why you…"

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valour, he quickly tangled his fingers in her hair, urged her head down to his, and cut off her reply by the simple expedient of sealing her mouth with his. Ignoring her mutters in between kisses, he was heartily glad when her mutters turned to murmurs and soon after sighs.

Rolling her under him, he lifted his head, smiled and dived back in for another deep kiss not giving Lois the chance to yell, and wrapping his arms around her waist floated them both until he could sit up against the headboard. Lifting his mouth from hers, he turned her around to sit in the v of his legs with her back against his chest, her head resting back against his shoulders, while his arms snuggled around her waist, clasping her hands in his. He nuzzled the side of her neck, enjoying the light fragrance of her perfume, while his lips slid gently up and down the side of her throat.

His lips trailed up from her neck, to her jaw and cheek, until he reached her mouth. He pressed his lips against hers in a soft gentle kiss, before lifting his head to smile into her eyes with rueful amusement "Yes."

"Yes what?" She asked with lifted brow.

"Yes, I do it to see my mark on you."

"You are such a guy."

"Thank you." He smiled unrepentantly, hugging her tighter.

She laughed lightly and shook her head in return "Well one day, I'm going to give you one back; mark my words."

He grinned in anticipation "Even if you don't, I love it when you try."

"I'm going to." She repeated stubbornly before turning around, to lean her head back against his shoulder once again.

He didn't realise that he'd drifted off, until Lois spoke quietly in his ear bringing him back to the present with a start.

"Why did you leave?"

He opened his eyes, looked to find hers were still closed and knew that just as he had drifted into memory of them, she was dreaming and unaware of it; but asleep or not, he couldn't let it rest.

He smoothed the hair back from her brow, cupped her face in his hands, and kept his eyes firmly fixed on her face "I never left you Lois, I never will." When her head shook back and forth, he rested his forehead against hers "I'm here baby, I always have been, so why do think I left?"

Her brow wrinkled in consternation. "I don't know, I just know that one day you were with me, and then you were just gone. I know you were angry when I got engaged to Oliver, I remember our argument and the way you stormed off because I told you to leave me alone, but in my heart I know that you left me long before that night; I know." Tears leaked from under her closed lashes, he pressed his lips lightly against her eyes and held her tighter.

"I didn't leave Lo, we were separated but it wasn't my choice."

She sobbed quietly, pressing her face hard into his neck, his hands rubbed lightly over her back soothingly until she grew silent. After a decent interval he untangled his body from hers, pulled a chair forward and sat at her bedside.

Scrubbing his hands hard over his face and through his hair, he sighed heavily. His mom had speculated that when he became almost tangible in Lois' dreams, was when her subconscious kicked in and fought to remember their life. Lois had said it was on those occasions that he told her he was real, and Chloe had theorised that Lois was holding herself to her promise of finding him, and when he became tactile was when her subconscious fought the hardest. Both women had agreed it was Lois who doing it. She was reminding herself their life had been real, not him, and he was now of the firm conviction that they were right.

On a conscious level Lois was unaware of what Lana had taken from them, but subconsciously she knew that one moment they were together, and the next they'd been ripped apart. She also knew that Oliver wasn't the man she was supposed to marry, but instead of accepting it herself, she'd projected the role of bad guy onto him.

They had never had hard words about her engagement to Oliver, and since that hadn't happened in their real life, it could only have happened in her dreams. And it had to have happened when her mind kicked in fighting to retain memories of them. So it wasn't him who'd been angry at her betrothal to Oliver; it was her. She was angry at herself because she knew deep inside, that she should not be marrying Oliver Queen.

However, now that the truth had been thrust upon him, he had to face it. He **was** angry at Lois for becoming engaged to Oliver. He knew it was irrational and unfair, but there was a tiny part of him that felt betrayed by her relationship with the other man. He'd been pretending and lying to himself that all he'd felt was hurt that his fiancé was with someone else, but now had to admit that he was also angry. He understood that logically it wasn't her fault, but emotions weren't logical and he was furious.

He was enraged at Lana for creating this situation, infuriated at himself for bringing this on himself by pursuing her so relentlessly, livid at Clark for marrying Lana in the first place, and angry at Lois for not waiting for him.

If she'd only waited he would have been here. Getting up he paced to the window and looked outside, if Lois had waited for him, he wouldn't have to hide so many things, they could be together now while still looking for a way to solve this mess.

Three nights ago Lois said that she was his; she'd agreed they were born to be together, just three fucking nights ago; how the hell could she forget that? He wanted to hit something, to hit it over and over, just pound the living hell out of it. Breathing deeply, he dropped his head in defeat. This was likely why Lois made him the bad guy in her dreams. She knew that he was jealous of her, and wouldn't be inclined to let another man waltz off with her, while he stood politely in the background and did nothing.

His thoughts skittered to a halt, and he closed his eyes tight as another possibility occurred. Had Lois felt betrayed by him in turn? He wasn't Clark, and yet he was. When she'd woken up in the hospital 8 years ago, she'd had no memories of being in the future and engaged to him, but had there been a part of her that felt betrayed nonetheless. Had she known on some level that Clark's marriage to Lana, had affected her life as well?

He pressed his fingers hard against his eyes before dropping his hands to turn and gaze at his beloved. He was possessive of Lois, and had never pretended to feel otherwise. So he did feel jealous, hurt and angry that she was with Oliver, but it wasn't her fault. Realistically they'd only been together three days ago, but in this time; realistically they'd never been together at all.

Looking at her, he let the anger he'd unknowingly been harbouring fade away. He still felt jealous and hurt and yes he was still possessive of her. Lois was his, as long as there was breath in his body, he wouldn't ever think otherwise, but he was no longer angry at anyone but the one person to blame for this whole mess; Lana.

Walking back to the bed, he sat beside her, smoothed her hair back from her face and bending down whispered in her ear "I love you Lois Lane; always."

And in her sleep, she smiled.

oOo

Lois yawned, stretched and opened her eyes reluctantly. Her eyes flickered around the room, and came to rest on the occupant sitting beside the bed "Hi."

Smallville's eyes flew to her face, he looked her over then smiled in return "Hi yourself, how do you feel?"

"I feel fine why do you ask?" Her brow wrinkled, but before he could respond she pushed herself up to a sitting position and nodded "I remember now. I felt really awful and called Ollie but then..." She stopped and looked around the room "Ollie, god I'd better call him, do you know where my purse is?"

He nodded, unhooked her purse strap from the back of the chair he was currently sitting on, passed it over and watched as she slid the phone out. "Do you know how long it's been since I called Oliver?"

"Not long, we've only been home for 40 minutes at most."

She nodded, pushed the button and when he rose, hitching his thumb at the door; indicting that he was leaving to give her some privacy, she held up a hand to stay his movement.

Lois heard the dial tone and had just opened her mouth to speak to Smallville when the other line was picked up halfway through the fist ring "Lois is that you?"

"Yeah it is; I'm sorry Ollie I feel asleep and only just woke up."

"It's ok Lo, Martha explained that you were alright but sleeping, and Chloe called me again about 10 minutes ago, but now I wanna hear from your lips, how you're feeling." He'd waited in a fever of impatience for her to call, and hearing her voice settled some of his qualms but not all.

"I feel better Ollie honest, can you hang on for one moment?" At his affirmative reply she turned and smiled at Smallville once again "Thanks for staying with me, and for coming to get me, I really appreciate it." He inclined his head "Can you tell everyone that I'm fine and will be down as soon as I'm off the phone?"

He nodded again, and pulling the door open, stepped outside. Standing in the hallway, he pressed his hand against the door, and stood for a moment longer before heading downstairs.

oOo

"Sorry Ollie, I just wanted to thank Clark or Smallville for sitting with me, and to let everyone know that I'm fine."

"You can't be fine Lo, you sounded pretty bloody awful before." He replied promptly.

"I know, but I really am ok now; truly."

"I have the jet standing by but kept on putting off leaving because I was worried during the 15 or 20 minutes when you can't use electronic equipment, would be just the time when you woke up and called me. I didn't wanna miss your call, but god I was scared Lo." He blew out a deep breath and rubbed his forehead "But now that you've called, I can take a car to the airport and come..."

Lois voice broke into his firmly "Ollie no, I'm alright. I don't want you to leave either your business or your JLA stuff just because you're worried about me; I really am ok."

He scrubbed a hand hard over his face and sighed "I was scared Lois, I need to see for myself that you're alright..." When she began to cut in again he cut her off "If it had been me that called you in distress like that, what would you be doing right now?"

She nodded, and her lips quirked "I'd be grabbing my bag and going to the airport."

"And that's what I'm going to do minus the bag part, since I already have stuff at our Metropolis apartment." He stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts together "I don't want you driving to Metropolis, so I'll come to the farm and pick you up."

She heard the tiredness in his voice, looked at the clock and shook her head firmly "Ollie it's almost lunch time, which means it's gonna be hours before you get here, and hours more before we get back to Metropolis. I promise that I'm ok, so please wait until tomorrow morning before you leave." He remained silent and hoping to convince him, she continued "I promise to call you later tonight, and again in the morning, but I don't want you driving back and forth to Metropolis when you're tired, or I'll spend the rest of the day worrying about you."

He sighed heavily and nodded reluctantly "I don't like it but have to admit worrying has exhausted me, but Lois I want you to call me if you feel even a little unwell deal?"

"I will and if you want reassurance, I give you permission to call Martha later, and she can tell you if I'm trying to cover up or not." Lois smiled into the receiver when she heard his answering chuckle.

"I should call her later because I know you can lie so well, but I trust you to tell me the truth about this so I don't feel the need to have anyone else confirm it..." He broke off to yawn hugely, pressing his hand against his mouth "Sorry Lo; now that I've heard from you, tiredness is sweeping over me."

"Don't apologise, just go and have a sleep, and I'll call you tonight ok?"

After a few more minutes conversation she hung up and sighed. Poor Oliver had worn himself into a state of exhaustion worrying about her, and all she'd needed was a nap to feel better.

Looking down, she noted her ring had slipped askew while she'd slept and righting it, smiled when the diamond's twinkled. It was a beautiful ring; Oliver had good taste, and for the first time she thought the ring looked perfect on her hand.

Maybe her earlier dream had been the turning point. Last night she'd asked Kal not to leave her again, but this time she'd asked him why he'd left in the first place. She'd never asked him that before, but this time she had; and maybe getting that closure was what she'd needed all along. He said that he hadn't left, but unlike the previous night she hadn't agreed with him, nor given in to his blandishments. She knew that he'd walked out on her, and told him as much. He held her, she cried and now she truly felt at peace. So maybe that was all she'd needed, just the courage to finally say; I know you left. Whether he was a figment or not made no difference because she'd said it, and hopefully she now could put him behind her once and for all.

Rising from the bed, she stretched, walked out of the bedroom into the bathroom and afterwards headed downstairs to join everyone.


	25. Chapter 25

Hello, thanks for the feedback guys. Here is the next chapter, I hope you all like it.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 25**

On reaching the kitchen, Smallville took a seat at the table, informed everyone that Lois was fine, awake and on the phone with Oliver; then looked around the room. Not seeing either of their guests he wondered if they'd had to leave, and when they'd be returning "Where's Dianna and J'onn?"

"I am here my friend." J'onn materialised beside the table, and with a small smile also took a seat.

Titling his head to the side, Smallville looked his friend up and down, but before he could open his mouth to comment, Dianna stepped into the kitchen from the laundry and joined the gathering "How's Lois?"

He gave her the news then looked at all gathered in the kitchen "So have you come up with anything?"

Smiling slightly Choe filled him in. "Lana knows about your powers and she also knows that you're in the JLA correct?" He nodded and she inclined her head minutely "Well if she mentions that to Lois, then Lo's going to wonder just what powers you have to be in the JLA. Since you don't want Lo to know that you're Superman just yet, J'onn's going to remain invisible, Dianna is going to hide in the laundry, and both will observe Lana without her being aware of it."

His lips lifted at his friends cunning "I hadn't thought about that before, but if she saw two members of the JLA here, then she might slip up and say something about me in front of Lois."

"Yeah, but whether she slipped up on accident or purpose, is another matter; either way I'm not willing to trust her." Chloe finished flatly.

He nodded and smiled crookedly "Neither am I, so thanks for thinking of it."

"I didn't." She replied cheerfully.

"Thank mom, she was the one who realised that having two members of the JLA here might cause problems." Clark put in and nodded his head in his mom's direction.

Smallville turned to his mom and shook his head in amazement "Thanks mom."

"That's ok sweetie, I must be getting as suspicious as everyone else to even think of it." She chuckled lightly, and after placing two foil wrapped plates in the oven, joined everyone at the table.

He grinned in reply but sobered and addressed the room in general "I know you're all going to ask Lo how she's feeling which is fine and it's natural, but try not to mention what happened while Lana's here. Lois doesn't like attention when she's been unwell, so it's doubtful that she'll bring it up, but if Lana caused it, then she might expect it to be mentioned." At their curious expressions he explained further "If Lana did it then she'll want to know if whatever she tried worked, but if we don't mention it, she might think she's failed, and hopefully that will be enough to stop her from trying again."

Chloe shook her head in doubt "I think it's a catch 22. She'll either feel gratified that she succeeded in what she set out to do, and feel content enough to not try again; or she'll think that she's failed and want to try again." She groaned and turned to J'onn "Run crazy through her mind J'onn, get as much information from her as you can."

He tilted his head in assent and his lips lifted in a half smile.

At the sound of Lois' footsteps, they began to make small talk, until she joined them in the kitchen, after which the next 10 minutes were taken up with how she was feeling. Rolling her eyes for the fifth time, Lois finally held up her hands in surrender.

"Guys please, I'm fine now really; so please don't fuss anymore. I appreciate it truly, but get off my case." The combination of pleading and frustration in her voice caused all to smile guiltily.

When they began to apologise, she once again rolled her eyes "Stop! Honestly you lot are going to drive me round the bend. I appreciate your concern, none of you bugged me. I'm feeling well and now let's change the subject." She looked at everyone in turn, they smiled and nodded back "Good so did you come up with anything after I left?"

"Kind of..." Chloe gave her the new idea of their visitors hiding from Lana, and bobbing her head in agreement, Lois smiled "Martha you're one sharp lady. None of us even thought of that, and we're all professional doubters of everything."

As each voice rose in protest of her character assassination of them; Lois grinned undaunted, helped herself to a cookie and some coffee; munched calmly, sipped the hot brew and ignored the wailing of each. When they finally grew silent, she sipped her coffee again, then began to address each person, pointing at them in turn "Smallville, Chloe you're both journalists, J'onn you're a detective, Dianna you work for Military Intelligence. Are all of you trying to tell me that you believe everything you're told?" Her brow winged up in query, but instead of giving them time to answer, she swung around and pointed at the last person, who was sitting smugly in the assurance that she couldn't pick on him "Clark despite being a good guy, you're sometimes suspicious until you get to know someone..." when his mouth opened, she held up a hand and sang out "AC." His mouth snapped shut.

They all looked at each other, then back at her. Lois smiled at the piteous look on their faces "Cheer up, it pays to be cynical, and I feel completely chuffed to know that I'm not the only sceptical person in this room; and now it seems that we've corrupted Martha and she's joined our ranks as well." Turning she grinned at the older woman, then laughed at the embarrassment on her face.

Shaking their heads at Lois' succinct summarisation of their personalities, they all looked at each other and sighed hugely.

When she heard the sound of tires crunching on gravel, Lois looked out the window, and turned back "Well Lana's here; but if you wanna prove that none of you are suspicious; Dianna and J'onn can join us for lunch, and we can tell her everything." They looked at each other, turned back and saw the smug smile on her face "Or we can do things my way; I say we sit her down, shine a spot-light on her face and interrogate Lana at will." She turned to the older woman once more and asked simply "Martha, where's your rubber hose?"

Smacking Lois lightly on the arm for her impertinence, Martha laughed.

With a quiet chuckle J'onn de-materialised, Dianna dashed to the laundry, everyone smothered their laughter, then quickly pretended they were doing nothing more interesting than chatting when Lana walked into the house.

When she opened the door and stepped inside the kitchen, the sound of soft laughter was the first thing she heard. No one was concerned, no one appeared upset, which meant that whatever she'd tried on Lois hadn't worked. Even if everyone else was trying to fake her out, she couldn't imagine Lois would be feeling so light-hearted, and neither would Martha. Her mother in law would be worried and it would show. Well it had been a long shot, so she wasn't surprised that it hadn't worked; shrugging mentally in defeat she smiled and returned the greetings called out to her.

Taking a seat at the table, she glanced at all the occupants "So any luck?"

"No, and it's damn frustrating." Smallville replied in a grieved voice.

"Y'know I was thinking that maybe we don't have to do anything." When they looked at her in query, Lois held out her hand and gestured "Maybe you just have to wait for that wall or whatever it was to come back, and when it does you just have to step through and will be home again."

Smallville sighed and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck "Yeah, but it was invisible so how will I know when it's there?"

She chewed her lip, looked around but at the shrugs, turned back and shrugged in reply "I don't know, but you didn't know it was there the first time, it just was. So maybe someone brought you here for a reason, and once you've done what you have to, the wall will come back and..."

"That sounds almost biblical Lo." Chloe interrupted tongue in cheek.

"Shut up..." Lois grinned in reply and threw her hands up in exasperation "I'm making this crap up, but ok, even if he's not here for a reason, doesn't it make sense that the barrier, wall, whatever the hell, will reappear as suddenly as it did the first time, without us having to do anything?"

Martha's brow wrinkled "It does actually..." turning to Smallville she addressed her son "Sweetie you didn't do anything the first time to make it appear, it was just there, so maybe Lois is right."

He nodded doubtfully "Yeah, but since its invisible how am I going to know when it's back?"

"Maybe you just will." Chloe put in quietly.

"Smallville..." He turned when Lois called him "The truth is that none of us know how or why you're here, or how to get you back. Maybe the answer will come to one of us in time, but worrying about it isn't getting us anywhere." She reached over and patted his hand "I know you wanna get back home, and I don't blame you for that, no one does. Unfortunately we don't have any answers, only guesses, and I know we're using the word 'maybe' a lot, but..."

He gave a small smile in return "But maybe you're right, and the wall will re-appear just as suddenly as it did the first time."

She nodded and gave a small smile in return "Yeah...maybe. But I was thinking, do you know where the wall was; the exact spot I mean?" He nodded firmly in reply "Ok, then why don't we put an object in that place. Something big enough that will break when the wall comes down on it, and then you'll know it's there."

"Like what?" Lana asked curiously.

"I don't know, a table, some bales of hay, a pile of junk; anything big enough that we'll notice."

"That's not a bad idea Lo, we'll do it after lunch; yes?" Chloe looked around and found that everyone was nodding in agreement.

"Well now that we've got something constructive to do, how about we have some lunch so we can get to it?" Martha asked rising to her feet. At the answering smiles, she knew all present were looking forward to getting started.

Lunch was quiet as everyone tucked into their meals, and once it was over, the kitchen and dining area was swiftly cleaned, and coffee was brought to the table.

"So what are we going to use?" Clark asked enquiringly, lifting his cup to sip.

"We can use some bales of hay, about 20 should do it." Smallville suggested thoughtfully.

"I think a pile of junk will be better; if we make it big enough, then when the barrier or wall comes down on it, it should make a hell of a noise when the stuff goes flying in all directions." Lois piped up.

Chloe grinned "Ok, so let's go looking for junk."

Pushing their seats back, all got to their feet.

"I'll look in the barn, there's bound to be some crap in there." At Clark's protesting laugh, Lois smiled unrepentant "Now Clark, tell me truthfully, are you like most men who hang onto a useless crap for 20 years, thinking that one day you'll use it, but never do?"

"He is." Lana put in cheerfully.

"You and mom have junk too." He replied sullenly.

The women all looked at each other and giggled.

Lana patted her husband on the arm consolingly "Don't worry, I'll go with Lois, and make sure that what we find is junk. If you try and help, you won't let us take anything."

Sharing a look of camaraderie, Lois and Lana turned and made their way to the door. As Chloe went to step after them, Smallville put a hand on her arm, and shook his head quickly at his mom staying her movement as well.

As soon as the women were out the door, Chloe turned worriedly in his direction "Smallville, why'd you stop one of us from going with them?"

"She won't try anything Chlo, not when we're all here; and especially not when Clark and I can hear and see anything that's going on in the barn." He replied confidently.

Both women nodded in understanding, and let out quiet relieved breaths.

Dianna stepped from the laundry, J'onn re-materialised and looked at all in turn "I have a lot to tell you my friends, but if you don't get some stuff together, they will become suspicious of why you have found nothing."

Clark turned to his twin and nodding, they zipped through the house gathering odds and ends, raced to Clark's house, into his shed, grabbed some more junk, and within 5 minutes had a pile of broken tables, chairs and bric-a-brac sitting at the base of the front porch.

Once done they joined the others at the table, seats were exchanged so both men could sit and face the barn "Ok, we're good, we have a pile of stuff outside that should cover all of us, and we can also keep an eye on what's going on in the barn."

When J'onn opened his mouth, Martha's hand quickly flew up "I know this is silly and probably the wrong time, but neither of you had lunch. Before Lana arrived, I set aside your lunches, and put them in the oven to warm. So you can eat now, or we can talk now and when Lana comes back in, you can both go upstairs and eat. But I won't have anyone in my house go hungry."

The two visitors smiled at the older woman's militant look and deferring to J'onn, Dianna allowed him to decide "It's not silly Martha; on the contrary it's very kind of you to think of us. But for now I think we should talk so you know what's going on, and we'll eat afterwards."

She sighed but turned at Clark's voice "They won't have to sneak upstairs mom; after we finish talking, all of us including Lana will be busy carrying the stuff out to the pasture, and then Dianna and J'onn can eat at their leisure."

Smiling at his reasoning she nodded and as one, they all turned and gave J'onn their full attention.

oOo

His eyes swept over the group, before fastening on the two men gravely "Lana knows; she is aware of what her older self has done." He supplied quietly.

"I knew it." Clark put in quietly.

"She is actually aware of more than you realise." He shook his head and told them quietly "She knows that Smallville was engaged to Lois, she's aware that you are both the same man, and she knows that you are not from an alternate reality. She knows this is your world, and she's also mindful that your mom and Chloe know the truth, but most everything is being hidden from her and Lois."

Smallville felt his heart pound at the news "She knows that I'm engaged to Lois?"

He inclined his head "Yes, last night she forgot her purse and returned to the house to get it; when she did so, she found your wallet and looked inside." Smallville and Clark nodded in understanding, the women waited to be filled in "When she opened his wallet, she found a picture of him and Lois; she also saw his Metropolis driver's licence and his Journalist pass."

When everyone turned to each other uneasily, he sighed once again "She did believe the tale you had told her before that, but after she found the wallet, she realised that you had lied about your feelings for Lois. When she went home last night, she was thinking about everything. The photo had been familiar to her, she had seen you holding Lois like that before, and then she remembered it was at your engagement party. She knew then that you were the Clark who had told her goodbye. At first she thought this world must have been split off from your world when she married Clark, but it wasn't long before she realised that you weren't from an alternate universe; but that you and her husband are the same man."

"She knew last night?" Clark clarified quietly and at J'onn's nod he shook his head "I watched her carefully last night, and knew she was upset but she controlled it so well, that I thought it was just her usual jealousy because Lois was here."

"No my friend, having your twin and Lois here has frightened her, but she never suspected the truth until she found the wallet." He looked between the two men and revealed quietly "When Lana did the spell to change your pasts, she knew there was a possibility that you could be split, but thought the risk was worth taking. You had told her goodbye, she was crushed and wanted you back, so she took the chance."

The men looked at each other and saw the anger flaring in each other's eyes. Seeing their agitation grow, Martha quickly reached out to hold a hand of each man, and Chloe gave both their arms a quick rub.

Smallville closed his eyes tight, lifted his free hand and rubbed his lids "She knew this could happen and did it anyway." He shook his head and breathed out harshly "She knew that she was playing with my life and didn't give a damn what the cost was, as long as she got what she wanted."

J'onn nodded again "She really didn't believe it would happen Smallville, she really believed that you loved her. You were only supposed to be split if your love wasn't true. The part of you that loved her would break off from the part of you that didn't."

Clark looked at his twin then back at J'onn "So basically she got the part of me that was a kid; a foolish impatient boy who thought he loved her, but the man who KNEW he'd never loved her stayed separate." He confirmed quietly.

Martha slipped her arm around his waist and hugged him one armed "The boy grew up honey, and separated or not, you once again loved Lois. Lana didn't believe it was ever going to happen, so she never took that possibility into consideration." She looked at J'onn and he nodded in agreement.

"Yes."

Clark rubbed his hands hard over his face and nodded "I really fell for one hell of a great girl when I was kid, didn't I?"

Smallville looked at his twin in sympathy "Clark don't take all the laurels on yourself; Lana went back when we were one person and just a kid at that. That's why you're the part she got and I'm not. But just remember before all of this happened, we were one man, and as that man we told her goodbye, right after we told her that we'd always love Lois."

Clark blew out a deep breath and nodded. J'onn turned to Smallville and began hesitantly "I have more to share but I fear it will make you very angry."

His lips lifted in a small smile of mockery "I don't know if it's possible to be any angrier than I already am J'onn, so go ahead."

The Martian looked at him silently for a moment before nodding "You mentioned that last month, the night before Lois was to return, and her younger-self was to go back to her own time, that you all noticed your memories had been altered?"

Smallville nodded "Yeah, Chloe realised she had gaps in her memory about the whole day, and then mom and I realised it too. We didn't tell Jo; younger Lois, since she was going to return to her own time, I didn't see the need to scare her for no reason. Lana didn't come to the farm that day, and when Chloe called her, she said that she'd felt sick. At the time we didn't know who was responsible, but obviously she did it, right?" He asked rhetorically with a sigh.

J'onn bobbed his head slightly then looked at both men "Yes it was she who did it, but you were wrong. Lana had been at the farm that day." When they all looked at him curiously he sighed "My friends, this will make you very angry, are you sure that you wish to know?"

They nodded firmly, Chloe and Martha looked at each other, bracing themselves for what was going to be said.

"Lana has all the memories of the life she lived before she changed the past. When she went back in time that day, she told her younger-self everything. When she returned to her own time, she didn't have long before her life was going to be changed, so she did several things. One of them was to do a spell which would pass all of her memories to her younger-self as she grew up. She wanted to ensure that she didn't make the same mistakes again. However, when she married Clark, she didn't think that she would need magic anymore, so let the magic go, but kept the memories of her life." He turned to Clark and told him quietly "Her memories are as clear in her mind, as the dreams you have experienced are in yours." Clark's lips tightened, he nodded shortly but he didn't reply.

"Another thing she did before her life was changed was to wake Lois up from her 'coma', that is why in the first timeline Lois woke up after 5 days, in this time she woke up after 5 days, but last month she woke up on the sixth day. Lana wasn't going to wake her up at first, but changed her mind because of you."

They all nodded silently, their mouths twisted cynically while waiting for the boom to fall. J'onn paused to sip his water and sighed "On the night before your fiancé was to return, Lana used magic on you and Jo. She ensured that Jo had a very uneasy night's sleep, and further _encouraged_ her to seek you out in the morning to talk." They all waited expectantly, he nodded and continued "On you however, she ensured you had a very heavy sleep, and wouldn't wake up until the following morning; she also...she also gave you the illusion that the body you felt lying beside you was your fiancé, and then she joined you."

"What'd you mean she joined me?" Smallville asked quietly but all heard the anger he couldn't suppress.

"She went to the barn where you were sleeping, took off her clothes and slipped into bed with you."

"WHAT!"

"She believed that you loved her, but had convinced yourself you didn't because she'd hurt you by marrying Lex. As this was the first time in years that you'd referred to your teenage feelings, she thought you were trying to reach out to her in the only way you could, by referring to the past. She thought while your fiancé wasn't there, your mind wasn't being clouded by Lois' influence, and as such you were ready to face the truth." As both men's mouths tightened, he shook his head sadly "She knew that you would be angry when you woke up, but honestly believed that eventually you'd accept it was her that you'd always loved. She wanted to prove to you that she wasn't ashamed of her feelings, she had no pride where you were concerned, she loved you and if that meant throwing it out in the open for you to see then it was worth it. As I said before, she knew you would be angry but..." He broke off and sighed heavily "...but she only wished to make you face the truth."

"The truth." Smallville asked sarcastically "She wanted to make me face the truth, and figured that crawling into bed with me while my fiancé wasn't there would do the trick."

"Yes." J'onn nodded unhappily, and looked at each man addressing them in turn "Clark...Smallville, she really did believe that you loved her, she honestly believed that Lois was keeping you apart. The next morning when you woke up you were very angry. She told you most everything that she'd been hiding for so long and then went home. That day she waited for you to arrive and..."

Smallville held up his hand "Wait, back up. You said that she gave Jo an uneasy night's sleep, and put the thought in head to seek me out the next morning to talk; thereby ensuring that Jo would see me in bed with Lana?" J'onn nodded minutely "Son of a bitch!" He pushed away from the table and paced around the room "Jo did see us, that's why she wrote the note to Lois."

"What note honey."

"The one I told you about mom, I found it the day Lo and I came here the weekend before Christmas, when she got the flu remember?" He rubbed the back of his neck and leant against the sink "Jo wrote that note because she must have seen me with Lana. Lois thought she'd written it because Jo figured out that Lana was in love with me, and although it didn't make sense, I let it go because I was just relieved that Lois didn't believe I'd cheated on her. But Jo's note to Lois was explicit and to the point; she pretty much called me a lying, cheating bastard and I'm being polite when I say that."

"Lois believed you sweetie, just remember that Clark." Martha put in softly.

"I know mom, but I hate thinking that because of Lana's actions, Jo left believing that I'd cheated on her older-self."

Seeing the wretchedness on both men's faces, Chloe spoke up "Maybe she didn't. At first ok, she must have thought you were and that's why she wrote it, but you found the note in the loft. If Jo had wanted Lois to find that note, she would have saved it on her computer, just as she'd done with the letter but she didn't." She rubbed Clark's back with one hand and reached over to pick up Smallville's hand "You must have talked about it, and in the end, I'd say she gave that note to you as a sign of trust and her belief in you, regardless of the anything else she'd seen."

The men looked at each other and nodded imperceptibly, but seeing the hurt and pique in their eyes Chloe tried to soothe their agitation a little more "Lois doesn't trust easily Clark you know that, and as she'd only just come from the Clark and Lana crap-fest in 2007, the one person she would have wanted to protect was Joanne. She would have wanted to ensure that her older-self wasn't hurt by you; so if you had the note and she didn't leave another for Joanne with the same message then despite what Lana did, Jo believed you."

Martha nodded firmly, and standing up she stepped over, hugged Smallville hard, turned and hugged Clark in his seat, then clasped a free hand of each man. She looked at both her boys, and pushed down her own anger; determined to focus on her sons and not her mother's heart "Chloe's right sweeties; whether Jo had come to accept your relationship with her older self or not, whether she'd come to like you or not wouldn't have made any difference; she would have wanted to protect Joanne at all costs. She must have given that note to you, and she would only have done that, if she believed you weren't fooling around behind her older self's back."

Both men nodded, tugged their hands free, scrubbed them hard over their faces and with a heavy sigh Smallville re-took his seat. He looked at J'onn and Dianna saw the compassion on their faces and shook his head "Ok, well I know that no matter what Lana said to me I would have told her that I loved Lois, and I'm guessing she took our memories of that day so I wouldn't remember what she did?"

J'onn nodded in confirmation "Yes, you went to see her, told her that you didn't love her, and further told her that she was no longer welcome in your life. She knew that you would have discussed it with your mom, and Chloe, and as she didn't want to lose you completely; in the end she took everyone's memory so no one would remember it."

The men nodded, exchanged eye contact once again and like their mom, pushed it aside so they could concentrate on the rest of what J'onn had to share.

"At first Lana believed you, she was devastated and desolate when you left, but eventually she convinced herself that your mom, Chloe and Jo had badgered you with guilt, until you talked yourself in believing you still loved Lois." The men shook their heads in resignation.

He looked at the two men and smiled sadly "You told Lana that if she really loved you, she would be happy to see you happy, even if it was with Lois. Your words gave her no peace and in the end she brought Lois back to prove to herself that she wasn't selfish; but later regretted it. She believes you belong with her, this is not wishful thinking, hoping or dreaming; she believes it utterly. She believes that Lois had stolen you from her, and that you only turned to Lois because she had hurt you by marrying Lex; that is why she used magic to go back in time and change the past."

The men both sighed, Smallville scrubbed his hands over his face; Clark rubbed his over his thigh and looked at his friend "J'onn, are you trying to make us feel sorry for her?"

"No my friends, I'm just trying to make you understand. When you were younger, you felt for Lana as she now does for you." When their mouths opened he held up a hand "Yes, I know you were kids and she is not, but the belief you had that she was the one was so strong in you, that if anyone had tried to tell you different, you wouldn't have believed it, correct?"

They looked at each other and sighed once again, and this time it was Smallville who spoke "Correct."

"That is how she feels now." They nodded in understanding, he continued "Please do not misunderstand me, I'm not condoning what she did, just trying to explain her reasons." They nodded once again.

J'onn cleared his throat softly, looked at all of them in turn before his eyes settled on the men once again "That wasn't the first time that she took someone's memory."

"What other time J'onn, what else did she do that she was trying to hide?" Clark asked calmly, but before his friend could answer went on sarcastically "No don't tell me, let me guess. I decided to leave her, and she took that decision away from me, altering my memory so that'd I stay with her, no matter how bloody miserable I was?"

"No, not your memory Clark; Lois'." J'onn corrected quietly.

The men sat up straight, the women blew out deep breaths wondering what was coming next.

"She has twice played with Lois' mind. One occasion was a few days after you and Lois became engaged. You, Lois and Chloe came here that weekend to celebrate with your mom." Both men nodded "The next day Lois went to see Lana and confronted her. She told her that she was aware of her love for you, but had only realised the previous night that Lana not only hated her, but felt malice towards her as well." Everyone shifted uncomfortably, J'onn nodded in return "Yes, although for Lana this happened in another lifetime so to speak, she has kept the memories of her 'other life' sharp. As such I can read her very easily; conversations, how she felt, things she did, it is almost in technicolour. The day she and Lois had words, how she was feeling wasn't...pleasant."

J'onn sighed wearily "The two ladies spoke for a while, at first Lana denied her feelings but Lois was remorseless, and eventually she admitted that it was true." He paused to sip his water, ignoring the impatience on everyone's face "Lois told Lana that she wasn't welcome in your lives, and that she was going to tell you everything. However, in the end she agreed to let Lana tell you how she felt. Lana was convinced that Lois had bamboozled you, stolen you from her, and this is what Lois was going to allow her to tell you." When the men's lips twisted, J'onn nodded "Yes, it is ironic considering it is Lana who has stolen all of your lives. Anyway, although Lana agreed, she knew that you weren't ready to face the truth, so on the way back to the farm, she took Lois' memory of what she'd seen the previous night, of their conversation that day, and was very careful to hide her feelings after that."

"So Lois did see it, after finding Jo's letter she'd wondered why she hadn't seen the truth like Jo had done, but she had; Lana had just taken it from her." Smallville summarised neatly.

J'onn inclined his head in agreement "Yes."

"J'onn you said she's played twice with Lois' mind, when was the second time?" Chloe asked quietly.

He looked at them all in turn "One thing you need to know is that Lana doesn't remember magic, she has a book on magic that her older self left her, but she doesn't know how to utilise it."

"So it wasn't her who hurt Lois this morning." Martha asked quietly, and felt bad for assuming it had been, but at J'onn's next words, she shook her head in pity.

"It was, but it was just an experiment; when she married Clark, she promised herself to never use magic on him, which is why she let the magic go. Although Smallville is not her husband, she won't use magic on him either; but Lois is another matter." When they looked at each other alarmed, he inclined his head gently "If anything was to go wrong, she preferred it happen to Lois, and that is why she tried the spell earlier." He opened his mouth to continue but was forestalled by Clark.

"An experiment, she didn't know what the consequences would be, but she decided to do an experiment?"

"Yes, she didn't intend to harm Lois unduly..." When all their mouths opened he held up his hand "Lana wanted to make Lois feel sick, but she had no idea that Lois would be driving at the time, and she really didn't intend it to be as severe as it was." They nodded but the look of anger didn't falter from anyone's face.

"And why did she kill Lois last month?" Smallville asked quietly.

J'onn pressed his lips together "It was also an experiment; she wanted to see if she could do it. It was the Lois in the past she wanted gone; Lana thought if she could get rid of Lois when she was young, then when she was older, Lois wouldn't be able to seduce you away from her."

Chloe ground her teeth and asked harshly "And why did she bring her back?"

"Because even though she didn't want to admit it, she could see that Clark was upset at Lois' passing. She believed that eventually she could get him on the rebound, but she didn't want that. She wanted his love without Lois' memory always being in the background."

Smallville raked his hands through his hair and tugged hard "After it was all over, I was sitting beside Lo just looking at her, grateful that she was alive, and Lana...Lana actually came over and hugged me, told me to call her if I needed her."

Martha closed her eyes and shook her head; this was just getting all too much.

"The day she came to talk to her younger-self, she visited Lois in the hospital." J'onn's voice dropped quietly into the room. Chloe paled, the men's eyes widened, and Martha sat still as a stone.

"As she had lived it all before, she knew what was going to happen that day. She drove to the farm, and watched when you and her younger-self went into the barn to talk, and afterwards sat in her car and cried. Seeing the love you had for her, she believed that all she was doing was correcting a right that had gone wrong. She was stopping herself from marrying Lex." He turned to Chloe and touched her arm briefly "When you spoke to her that day, saw her, she was scared. You had clearly recognised her even though she was older, and all she wanted was to get away quickly. After she calmed down, she went to the hospital, slipped into Lois' room and spoke to her."

"What'd she say?" Smallville asked calmly.

"Basically she told Lois that she was taking you back, and she wanted Lois to see how happy she was going to make you." J'onn replied simply.

"And that's all?" Chloe asked doubtful.

"No, but it will afford you no cheer to know what she said. Lois was unconscious and you have told me that she never remembered anything, so just be thankful that she did not." J'onn replied, but wouldn't repeat the one sided conversation to them.

Nodding reluctantly and feeling somewhat relieved not to know what Lana had said to his fiancé, Smallville let out a deep breath "Ok, J'onn, so getting back to the point, when was the second time that Lana played with Lois' mind?"

After sighing deeply, J'onn coughed delicately, looked at both men, then turned to one and addressed him directly "Smallville I know that you are tempted to tell Lois the truth, but I advise you not; the outcome won't be in your favour my friend."

"Why?" He asked calmly; feeling his heart pound harder at the grave tone.

Clark shifted in his seat but his attention was on high alert as well.

"I mentioned when older Lana went back to her time that she did a couple of spells..." they all nodded, he nodded in return "Even though she didn't believe that you really loved Lois, she did believe that Lois loved you. It was only last night when she saw the picture in your wallet, that she realised Lois had loved you dearly, before that she didn't believe that Lois had loved you with her whole heart; and as such how she felt about you was...insignificant. However, she was scared that Lois would remember her life, and her feelings for you, and one day try to steal you from her again; so to prevent that from happening she used magic."

Smallville and Clark each suppressed the rage they felt building at Lana's callousness towards their fiancé.

"What'd she do?" Clark asked shortly.

"She did a spell so that Lois wouldn't remember her love for you. When Lois dreams, it is of Superman and Kal; you're Kryptonian side." Smallville nodded slowly in agreement "Well as Clark wasn't going to be Superman, Lana didn't focus on that, which is why I believe Lois still clings to you in that way. However, Lana wanted to ensure that Lois wouldn't remember her love for you, and if the spell she used worked, then no matter what you say now, Lois won't accept that you are the man she has been dreaming about." Both Clark's opened their mouths but John held up his hand "Yes, you can show her your powers, proving you are him, but Lana used the name Clark specifically. She didn't use Kal-el or Superman, just Clark."

"But Lois still dreams of me, of our life, she heard me calling out to her; she believed I was Kal last night..." He stopped at the compassionate look on J'onn's face.

"Yes, she believed you were Kal, but Lois never recognised that you were him. In her dreams she only sees Superman and Kal; unlike Clark's dreams which are complete, Lois' are fragmented and jumbled."

Smallville shook his head firmly in rebuttal "Last night Lois and I sat in the kitchen after I spent some time with her outside. When she was picked up my hand to comfort me, I swear it was like she was mesmerised by our joint hands. Then she looked at me and stared; I thought for sure she was going to recognise that I was Kal."

J'onn didn't say anything just smiled sympathetically.

Smallville swallowed hard and closed his eyes in understanding "She didn't know it was me; she thought that she was still dreaming; didn't she?" He opened his eyes and nodded minutely "Her love for Clark is gone; that's what you're saying isn't it J'onn." He asked a small voice.

His friend nodded minutely "Yes, I believe so." He paused at the misery on both men's faces "Lois won't be able to reconcile you to Kal, because Lana used a combination of a forget and an anti-love spell. Putting together what I have ascertained from Lois' memories, and Lana's intentions, I believe her spell worked. If it has then nothing you say in this timeline will bring the love Lois had for Clark back."

"But I am Kal." Smallville put in desperately.

"Not to Lois." He replied quietly. "I am truly sorry my friends."

"You said earlier that Lois wasn't sure if her dream last night was real or not, so you could be wrong." Smallville replied softly.

J'onn nodded "Yes, I am not omnipotent so I could be wrong, but if you decide to tell Lois the truth, please be aware that it is not her fault if she cannot accept that you are the man she has been dreaming off."

Smallville felt the tears gather in his eyes and looked away from the sympathy on everyone's face. Clark did likewise, but neither could hide the devastation they felt at this last news, and neither could stop the tears from filling their eyes and sliding silently down their cheeks.

Dianna and J'onn nodded their heads and retreated to the lounge room; Chloe looked at Martha and felt the same shattering sadness in her own heart that she saw in the older woman's eyes. She got up, retrieved the tissues and handed them silently to the men.

After several minutes she began quietly "Guys..." They swallowed hard and kept their eyes on the table top "This isn't permanent, we've got J'onn and Dianna here, and with their help we're going to fix this. J'onn has read Lana pretty easily so far, easily enough that he's gotten all this information." Their eyes swung to her and hope began to bloom once again "J'onn said that Lana didn't keep the memories of magic, which means she's not powerful anymore..." When their mouths opened she held up a hand quickly "Yes, she hurt Lois earlier, but that was an experiment to find out if she could still do magic. We just have to get that damned book away so she can't try anything else, and in the meantime J'onn will keep tapping into her mind until he's found the spell that she did, and then we can reverse it all."

They both nodded quietly and let out hitching breaths.

Martha looked at her sons and smiled tearfully "We're going to win this, I promise sweeties; we're going to win, ok?"

They nodded once again and smiled slightly.

Chloe got up, gave them both a hug and stepped over to the lounge room to call the visitors back. They returned and took their seats once again "J'onn you can keep tapping into Lana's mind until she focuses on the spell she did right?'

He nodded firmly "Yes, and I will do so. I think you should know because Lana feels that she failed with Lois earlier, she is not intending to try anything more. She is only now focused on finding a way to merge the men back together, and hoping they do not know that she was responsible." He paused and looked at each in turn "If it had worked she was intending to try a spell which would encourage Lois to marry Oliver quickly, but since it didn't, she is no longer willing to try."

"So we're safe on that score."

"Yes my friends you are." J'onn replied with a slight smile "Lana knows how she did the initial spell and how to reverse it, but as she's not considering that possibility at the moment, she's not thinking about it."

"Ok but I'd still feel better if we can get the book away from her, then even if she changes her mind and decides to try again, she won't be able to." Chloe stopped and sighed "But if we take the book she'll know we're onto her."

Martha smiled confidently "If we can get the book without her knowing about it, then my sons can write out a lot of rubbish, and we'll replace the real thing with a fake."

J'onn smiled in return "The book is in her bedroom closet, all you have to do is keep Lana busy long enough for it to be retrieved and copied."

"No problem." Turning to the younger woman Martha smiled "Chloe, all us girls are going shopping for a couple of hours; what'd you think?"

"I love shopping." Chloe grinned in reply.

The men grinned but when Chloe began to speak, Smallville quickly held up his hand "They're heading towards the house, mom and Chloe can you please mention shopping now. Clark and I will dump all the stuff in the field, and as soon as you're gone, he'll get the book and we'll get started."

"Ok sweetie, J'onn, Dianna, you'll have to disappear for a few minutes because Lana will come inside to grab her purse, but we'll be out of your hair quickly." They nodded, Martha stepped towards the door but stopped long enough to call out "Don't forget your lunch." And hearing their answering chuckles, made her way to the back door with Chloe, while the men headed to the front.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Before pulling the door open, Martha closed her eyes and breathed deeply several times, pushing down the anger she didn't want her daughter in law to notice, then turned and found Chloe was doing the same. When the younger woman's eyes opened, she patted her arm in alliance and smiled "Ready?"

Chloe nodded, the door was opened and the two women stepped onto the porch to find Lana and Lois almost at the base of the back stairs "Hey guys, Martha and I were thinking that all us girls should go shopping for a while; what'd you think?"

"Sounds great, but what about putting all the stuff out in the field?" Lois asked curiously, looking between the two.

Martha smiled cheerfully "I have two strong boys, they can do it."

Lana grinned in return, knowing it wouldn't take the men long to complete the chore "Then let's go shopping."

Sharing a wicked smile, the four women trooped into the house and retrieved their purses, but upon finding the house empty save them; Lois turned with a frown to her cousin and Martha "Where are the guys?"

Chloe hooked a thumb over her shoulder and pointed "Out front, they're looking at the junk we accumulated. I think they wanna make sure it is junk, and not some priceless treasure we're throwing out, so they're picking through it."

Lois rolled her eyes, noticed that the other three women were doing the same, and shaking their heads in defeat, all headed to the back door and were soon on their way.

Lana heard the chatter of the women with half an ear, joined in absently while her mind turned over. She'd intended to find an excuse to go home, but since she couldn't think of any reason to do so that wouldn't cause remark, figured that staying close to everyone was the best option for the present.

Since she'd already decided to forget about magic, and just to concentrate on finding a way to merge the men back together, maybe letting her mind rest was what she needed to do, for the answer to come to her. She'd spent all morning trying to compel the memories of magic to return, looking through the book time and again hadn't helped at all, and as she'd clearly had zero success with her earlier spell, trying to make it happen obviously wasn't the solution.

At the moment there was nothing she could do, and although she was uneasy and troubled about the situation, she also felt somewhat safe.

Clark had never been able to lie to her very well, years ago she'd known when he was being dishonest, and neither had she been deceived by his pretence of feeling nothing but friendship for Lois since the woman's return. Yes, she'd been taken in by all of them last night, but that was only because she'd wanted to believe the lies that were told, she'd wanted to believe that Smallville didn't love Lois, if only so that she could feel more secure about retaining her husband's affection. But now that she knew the score, their pretence would no longer work.

Her husband had always been a fair minded person; he might be suspicious but wouldn't blame her unjustly without proof. She was well aware that she didn't deserve what little trust he still had in her, but thanked god her husband's goodness allowed him to give her the benefit of the doubt. As Smallville was Clark's twin he would be exactly the same way and she was grateful for that as well.

They both might have doubts and reservations about her, but if they knew everything, and had discovered that she was responsible, they would have confronted her by now; she was as sure of that as she was her own name.

She had to let her mind rest, let it go and stop stewing. Shaking off her introspection, she tuned back into the conversation, joined in the light-hearted talk, and ignored the turmoil that continued to brew in her gut that she was going to lose Clark, before she could find a way to keep him.

oOo

Once the women were gone, the men split up; Smallville raced back and forth placing all the junk in the field while Clark sped to his house and retrieved the book. Returning back at the farm, he helped his twin throw the last few things on the pile, before they retreated inside to get down to work.

It was unbelievable that this book, which didn't look like anything special, had given Lana the power to cause all their misery. Upon opening it, they were shocked at how much information was contained within. Realising they needed the right kind of paper and ink, the book was left with their guests, while the men raced to Metropolis, purchased what was required, and dashed back to the farm once again.

Hoping to get some ideas from the internet to help, but at the same time not take any chances with spells that could potentially work, Smallville powered up his mom's computer, Clark retrieved his laptop, and all took turns looking up anything that appeared somewhat colourful, but clearly bogus to get the juices flowing, and after a quick scroll through a few sites got down to work.

They couldn't afford to rush, but neither did they have the luxury of time. However with J'onn and Dianna's help, the spells in the book were transcribed falsely an hour later, speedily typed up and printed out, before they all sat back satisfied.

When the phone rang, Clark picked it up, had a few quick words and hung up "That was Chloe, she just wanted to let us know they'll keep Lana and Lois busy, until one of us calls her cell giving the all clear."

Smallville nodded in reply, blew out a deep breath and picked up the new fake spells "Ok, well we have to take these to Metropolis, and have them bound to look like the original book."

Clark scratched his cheek "How?"

Grinning he picked up the book and tossed it to his twin "We've been living in Metropolis remember, we both know a couple of places that do special order binding. It's gonna cost us a lot because we need it now, and want it to look exactly the same as the original, but it can be done."

Smiling in return Clark held the volume securely and bobbed his head "Ok, but first let's tag this book so we don't get them confused, and we have to remember to tell the binder not to put their stamp inside."

Once the tag was in place, the men sped back to Metropolis and as predicted, getting the job done did cost a small fortune, but was worth every penny. The counterfeit was an exact duplicate of the original on the outside, and after flicking through it, the men sighed in relief. The only way they could tell which book was real one, was by the tag they'd placed inside.

Smallville stretched out the fake, so that it wouldn't have a newly bound feel to it, passed it to his twin and the men returned to Clark's house where he replaced the mock up exactly as he'd found the original back into Lana's closet, before returning to the farm once again.

Sitting at the kitchen table, flicking through the book the men hoped to find something they could understand that might be useful, but in the end pushed it away in disgust "I'm so tempted to burn this damn thing." Clark's voice dropped quietly into the kitchen, while his fingers reached over to rifle through the pages once more.

"So am I." Smallville replied, his voice just as soft and vehement as his twins.

"Do not my friends, keep it safe, hide it, but do not destroy it yet." At J'onn's voice, the men looked up with curiosity burning in their eyes "This book contains the spells that Lana has used. I will read through it, and using what I have gleaned from her mind, will try to find the spell she used. If I can find that, I will hopefully also find the solution as both are contained within." When the men looked at him with hope shining in their eyes, he gave a tiny smile "I will still read her when she's here, but this is just another angle we can try; yes?"

The men nodded but it was Smallville who asked the question that was blooming in both their hearts "Do you think you can also try and find the spells she did on Lois; find a way to reverse them as well? I know that eventually you'll get the information either from Lana or the book, but at least if Lois knows the truth..." He trailed off and shrugged helplessly.

"I know what you are trying to say my friend, and yes I will look." J'onn inclined his head in agreement.

The two men turned to each other and smiled. Dianna looked at the men and shook her head minutely "I seem to be superfluous."

"No way!"

"Never!"

The two Clark's voices rose in protest simultaneously, they turned to each other again, and holding out his hand, Smallville deferred to his twin.

Clark looked at his friend "Dianna, you're the one who realised there was a problem in the first place, if you hadn't J'onn wouldn't know we need help now. Also, if J'onn reads Lana and finds that reversing things will only take minutes, but Lana still refuses to think of how to do it, then you can use the lasso and get her to tell you."

Smallville nodded firmly in agreement "Exactly, I feel better having both you and J'onn here."

She smiled slightly and shook her head again "Gentleman, I truly wasn't fishing for compliments..."

"We know because we know that's not your way, but you're not superfluous Dianna; and that's the truth." Clark interrupted quietly.

"Thank you." She inclined her head, and pointed to the phone "But for now, you had better call Chloe, the women have been gone for almost three hours, and must be waiting to hear from you."

Rising to his feet Smallville picked up the phone, called Chloe and after a few minutes conversation turned back to address everyone "She was pretending I was a wrong number, but she knows it's safe to come back now, so I imagine they'll be home soon." Turning to his twin, he smiled tightly "I'm not sure that I'm ready to face Lana yet, much less make pleasant conversation with her over dinner; how are you holding up?"

Clark scrubbed his hands over his face, and shook his head "I'm leaving Lana; today." He finished simply and gathering up the book, retreated upstairs to his mom's room and proceeded to store it carefully so no one would find it by accident.

oOo

The women spent an enjoyable hour trying on clothes, looking at jewellery, and makeup, and when Chloe whispered that she needed to make a call to the farm, Martha decided it was time for a coffee break. At her suggestion all four trooped to the Talon, and once coffee was ordered, Chloe promptly excused herself to use the facilities. She smiled internally when Martha began to engage the two women in conversation, effectively keeping them both busy and giving her the required privacy for her call.

After a quick look over her shoulder to ensure no one was paying any attention, she stepped into a corner, pulled out her phone and called the farm.

"Hello."

"Clark it's me; listen we forgot to work out a system before leaving, and we don't wanna come back before you're ready. So your mom and I will keep Lois and Lana busy, until you call me on my cell ok?"

"Ok, thanks Chlo."

"No problem, see you later." After hanging up, she looked out carefully, and seeing that the coast was clear, stepped out of the corner and returned to her seat just in time for the coffee to be delivered.

oOo

After their drinks were consumed the women took to the shops once again. As Smallville was only a small town, looking through the few clothing stores wouldn't normally take hours. However, Chloe and Martha took their time, popped into almost every shop in the main street, returned repeatedly to look at clothes they were thinking about buying, and encouraged everyone to try on various outfits and show them off to the others.

At the mention of Lois' future engagement party, the women returned to browse through the fanciest dress shop that Smallville could boast, and the hunt was on in earnest. Amazingly all four ladies found a dress they liked, and began to look in the case at the selection of jewellery on display hoping to find something that matched.

It was a complete girl's afternoon with plenty of laughter, good companionship, chatter, and much oohing and ahhing over fripperies and baubles, make-up and clothes. Chloe was in the process of chatting to Lana about whether she should purchase the chocolate brown dress she liked, or maybe the deep blue she'd just found when her phone rang. Pulling it out, she said hello and at the sound of Clark's voice, frowned lightly.

"Sorry, but I think you have the wrong number." Her brow wrinkled a little bit more in consternation "No, my number ends in 57, not 75." She sighed and rolled her eyes at Lana, causing the other woman to smile in sympathy "Look I'm sorry but you've got the wrong number, ok...you're fine; bye."

"What was that all about?" Lana asked with a smile.

"It wasn't just a wrong number but someone who doesn't speak English very well. I just hope they don't ring me back half a dozen times, before they understand I'm not the person they're after." She glanced over, saw the earrings her cousin was looking at and smiled "Hey they're nice Lo."

"Not bad huh?" Lois held them up to her ear, moved her head this way and that to look in the mirror, then turned to show her friends.

"They're lovely sweetie, and they'll match your dress perfectly." Martha smiled, before once again turning to look down into the case.

Stepping back over to the dresses, Chloe plucked the blue out, held it against herself and from the corner of her eye noted that Lois was busy paying for her purchases, Lana was absorbed in looking at the items in the case and smiled "Martha..." When the older woman looked at her she held out the dress "I can't decide if I should take the brown dress I liked first, or this one. Would you mind holding this one up, I'll hold the brown and hopefully seeing them both side by side, I'll be able to make up my mind."

Martha nodded, took the dress and held it up, Chloe reached for the brown dress and whispered quietly "Smallville just called, we can go back anytime."

Martha titled her head in pretend consideration "I'm glad because I was running out of ideas; Smallville doesn't have much in the way of shopping."

"Tell me about it." Chloe returned softly and when Lois and Lana stepped over to join them, both ladies held up the dresses up for their inspection "Which one, I can't decide and Martha likes them both, so she's no help."

"The brown."

"The blue."

Lois and Lana replied at the same time, turned to smile at each other, then turned back to Chloe again and shrugged.

"Sorry Chloe, you'll have to decide because none of us are any help." Lois replied cheerfully.

Sighing, she looked at the dresses again and shook her head "I like them both, but I'm going to take the brown because I think it'll suit me better." Holding it up against herself; the three ladies stepped back, tilted their heads this way and that, and finally signified approval by nodding.

Stepping to the register Chloe paid for the dress then turned to her companions "I'm getting tired and need another coffee to keep going; how about all of you?"

"I think we should go home dear, it's almost four o'clock and I haven't even started dinner yet. Plus I'm also getting a little tired; would anyone mind?" When all they all shook their heads and reiterated the same sentiments, Martha smiled in relief.

oOo

Stepping into the bedroom, Smallville watched as his twin almost disappeared under the bed to ensure the book was tucked away safely, and taking a seat on the edge, waited patiently for Clark's head to pop back up before speaking "What'd you mean, you're leaving her?"

Clark took a seat beside his twin and turned to face him "Just that, I'm leaving. I stayed with Lana for years because I felt guilty; well I don't anymore. I couldn't leave her yesterday because we didn't know how much power she had; well we now know that she has none. And now that we've got the book there's damn all she can do, so I'm getting out."

Smallville sighed in sympathy "But..."

Holding up his hand, Clark shook his head "No, no buts; if you were me, could you stand to continue the charade with her; knowing what we now do?"

Shaking his head, Smallville sighed once again "No."

"Well neither can I." Clark rubbed his hands hard over his thighs "Last night was hard enough when we only had suspicions, I just can't do it anymore."

Smallville looked at his twin and nodded silently.

"I'm not being completely selfish, honestly."

"You're not being selfish at all Clark." He replied promptly.

"I am in a way but I think this will also help. We both want Lana to either reverse the spell, or think of how to do it, so that J'onn can tell us, and we can do it to get our lives back, correct?" Smallville nodded, he inclined his head and gave a tiny smile "Well the best way I can think of to make that happen, is to force her hand by leaving her. Once Lana knows that I'm not willing to stay with her, she won't have any option but to give us our lives back, because she won't have me anymore, and that's what she wants." He raked a hand through his hair and sighed "God knows why since she knows I love Lois, but it's still me that she wants."

"Hell she knew that we loved Lois, but did this anyway." Smallville shook his head "Everything J'onn's revealed has been stuck on repeat in my head, I'm so furious at her right now, but I don't know what to feel angry about the most."

Clark bobbed his head in agreement "I know, but what makes me feel sick, is that while I was busy sulking at lunch because Lana had turned me down, her older self was in the Medical Centre threatening Lois while she was unconscious."

Swallowing hard Smallville nodded "Yeah I know. Well the women are going to be back soon, so we'd better go downstairs."

"I'm going home to pack first."

"Why don't you pack later?"

"Because I don't want to be in Lana's presence for any longer than I have to be." Clark replied simply "When she goes home I'll go too, but I'm only going to be there only long enough to tell her that I know everything, and then I'm leaving."

"Maybe you shouldn't tell her that you know everything." At his twin's lifted brow, Smallville held out his hand in appeal "You told me yourself that desperate people will try anything; and she seems pretty desperate." He warned cautiously.

Clark lips lifted in challenge "Yeah but what's she gonna do; she doesn't have the book, she knows bugger all about magic, and she won't have me. The only thing she'll be able to do is reverse everything."

"Just be careful." Smallville warned once more and slapped his twin on the shoulder "I don't blame you, god knows I'm tempted to let fly at her myself, but just be careful."

Clark nodded but couldn't stop the joy from flooding his heart that hopefully his life would once again be his very shortly.

Getting up the two men left the room, one returned to the kitchen and their guests, while the other raced home and began to pack.

oOo

Clark pulled out a couple of suitcases, placed them on the bed, opened them and began to swiftly move; grabbing clothes from cupboards and drawers, toiletries were scooped up from the bathroom cabinets, shoes were tossed in and once done, the cases were closed and he was ready.

He dug into his pocket, took out his wedding ring and looked at it. His lips twisted scornfully, and after tossing the ring carelessly on the bed, he picked up his cases and left the house without a backward glance.

Back at the farm, he stored his cases in the barn and was heading to the house when the car containing the women turned into the driveway. Now that he'd made up his mind to leave, now that he was somewhat free, he _could_ pretend for a few more hours, because soon he'd be taking pleasure in telling Lana that it was over, and that she'd lost.

When the car came to a halt in the driveway, he stepped forward and swung open the driver's side door to help his mom out of the car, but at the number of shopping bags each woman carried, he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe you left Smallville and me here to throw all that junk in the field, just so that all of you could go and rack up bills on your credit cards."

Lois sniffed disparagingly "We bought you guys something too, but just for that you're not getting it."

He grinned, and sweeping out his hand to the house, followed the ladies indoors. They'd no sooner stepped into the kitchen than Smallville; who was in the process of filling the kettle, turned from the sink, saw the amount of bags being carried inside and shook his head as well.

The two men looked at each other, rolled their eyes and gave the long suffering sighs of males world-wide.

"Did you ladies leave anything in the shops?" Smallville asked politely, and grinned when Lois sniffed at him too.

"Yes, sweetie we did." Martha smiled and taking a seat at the kitchen island let out a satisfied but weary sigh "My feet are aching."

"Mine too." Chloe and Lana replied in unison, also taking seats at the island.

Lois leant against the bench and patted the older woman's hand "Martha don't cook tonight, we'll just have left-over's."

"There aren't any dear."

"Oh, well I'm not that tired, so I'll cook."

The men shared a swift look of fear, and rushing into speech Smallville gave the solution that would suit everyone "That's ok Lois, Clark and I will cook dinner tonight." His twin nodded vigorously in agreement.

Three women bent their heads and smiled, Lois looked between the men and seeing their resolution, shrugged unconcerned "Ok."

"So what'd you get us?" Clark asked curiously.

Bending down to rummage through their bags, the items that were purchased for the men were swiftly produced, and placed on the island counter.

Clark looked at his twin, Smallville looked back, then both looked down at the bench "That's it, that's what you got us?"

"Well we figured since we were buying stuff for ourselves we couldn't be greedy and leave you guys out, so when we saw these, we bought them, right?" Chloe looked at the women, they all nodded and as one turned back to the men.

When the men just stared at the rolled up material sitting on the bench, Lois huffed, picked one up, took off the wrapper and unrolled it "See it's not as crappy as you thought. It's a chef's apron with all the tools you need when you barbeque. You both like to barbeque, and now you have your own apron. After you use it, the apron and tools are washed, and then afterwards you tuck the tools back into their individual pockets, roll it all up and it's ready for the next time."

"I love it." Clark took the apron from Lois, slipped it on and let out a huge smile.

"Me too." Smallville picked up the bag, pulled out the apron and unrolled it before slipping it on and turned to his twin. Seeing that Clark had the same brainstorm he had, he faced the ladies and grinned "We're having barbeque for dinner."

"Isn't it kind of cold for a cookout?" Lois asked doubtfully.

Both men shook their heads, but it was Clark who answered "Nope it's perfect, we'll cook on the porch and eat inside."

"Well I'm not so tired that I can't make a salad." Martha put in.

"I'll make one too." Chloe smiled, looking forward to dinner with anticipation.

"I'll make desert." Lana supplied heartily.

"I'll butter the bread." Lois chirped in, and when everyone looked at her with lifted brows, she stared back bravely "What, you need buttered bread when you have a barbeque."

Grinning in agreement, the men took off their aprons "Very true Lo, ok well it's still a little early, so for now who wants a cup of coffee?" Smallville asked looking between the women, who all nodded heartily in agreement.

oOo

Quietly enjoying their coffee, Martha, Chloe, Smallville and Clark felt somewhat content. Things were still wrong, but they wouldn't be for long. Each chewed over the knowledge that the tide was turning in their favour. J'onn was right now reading Lana; they had the real book in their possession, and although Lana knew they had lied to her, she didn't know they knew, that she knew.

oOo

Lana still felt uneasy, still knew that everyone was suspicious of her, but couldn't help holding onto the hope that all would be well. Suspicion was one thing, fact was another, and none of them were the type to point the finger without proof. They clearly hadn't learnt anything more than what they had already discovered. If they had, her husband and his twin wouldn't be able to hide their anger at her so well, Martha would be furious on behalf of her son's, Chloe on her cousin's; and she would definitely be feeling their hostility.

She was uncomfortable, she could see they had their doubts about her, but as that was all, she had to be satisfied with it. Hopefully they would never get proof, but she wasn't going to live her life on hope. She had to find a way to resolve everything, without tipping her hand and giving herself away completely.

oOo

Lois sipped her coffee and thought about Kal. She could have sworn earlier that she'd seen two of him, but that made no sense. However, she couldn't shake the knowledge that earlier, one Kal had been holding her in his arms, while the other had been sitting beside them. But how was that possible? Kal was one man, admittedly she'd been a little out of it at the time, but she knew earlier that she _had_ seen two of him; not one and she'd swear her life on it.

Rubbing her brow, she shook her head, sipped her coffee and looked over at the other people in the room. Her eyes landed on the two Clark's sitting side by side on the couch, moved back and forth between them. Sighing she lifted the cup once again before addressing the room in general but her eye's continued to move between the men.

"Um guys..." When they all looked at her, she gave a small self deprecating grin and shrugged "Sorry I forgot to tell you earlier, but Ollie will be here about 3 tomorrow afternoon." When the men looked at each other, she quickly rushed into speech "He just wants to make sure that I'm ok, but he wants me to go back to Metropolis with him. I'll come back the day after tomorrow, and unless Ollie has to get back to his business straight away, I know that he'll also want to come back here with me and help if he can..." She broke off at the sad look on the men's faces "I promise I'll come back and help you get home Smallville; not that I've been much help so far but..."

"Yes you have Lo; it was your suggestion of putting the junk in the field." Smallville cut in quietly. His heart hurt knowing that tomorrow he'd see Lois and Oliver together, and later she'd be leaving with the other man and returning to Metropolis. He refused to think of what they'd be doing once they got there.

Clark smiled half-heartedly but didn't speak.

Looking at the men from under her lashes, Chloe tried to offer a solution that would hopefully save both of them from further hurt "If Oliver just wants to see you to make sure that you're alright Lo, you can use the video cam on my laptop and call him. That will save him from coming all the way here, and then having to go back again."

Lois' brow crinkled "I hadn't thought of that, and I don't think Ollie did either. He'd worn himself out with worrying, but when I call him later, I'll suggest it."

Sighing silently in relief, the men sent swift looks of thanks to Chloe, who inclined her head minutely in return.

Lana's brows lifted in gentle query "Why does Oliver need to see that you're ok Lois?"

Lois grimaced lightly "I wasn't feeling well earlier and stupidly called Ollie, making him worry for nothing."

"What happened?"

"Nothing really, I just felt incredibly bad before lunch, but it's over and I'm fine now." She finished firmly, and when the other woman's mouth opened she waved her hand "Please Lana, I had everyone asking me how I was feeling earlier, and I only got them to stop by begging, please don't put me through that again."

With an understanding smile and nod Lana quietly sat back and continued to drink her coffee. So it had worked, whatever she'd tried earlier had worked. No one had said anything because Lois didn't want fuss made, but this changed everything. She didn't need to give up on magic, even though she hadn't felt confident when she'd done the spell earlier, she'd obviously gotten it right.

Chloe, Martha, Clark and Smallville no longer cared that Lana was aware of Lois' earlier plight. She could do her worst, she could get that book out and try one thing after another, and it would all be useless.

Clark hoped to god that Oliver was content with just seeing Lois on the camera feed of Chloe's laptop because he wasn't ready to see them together. In the past it had hurt, ached when he saw her in Oliver's arms, and he'd wished that he was the man holding her. Now it was all the worse. Until everything was reversed and set to rights Lois was lost to him for good, she wouldn't even recognise him as the man in her dreams, and knowing that, made the ache he'd been living with for years hurt all the more. He couldn't bear to see her with Oliver, not now, not ever.

Smallville likewise hoped that Oliver would be content to see Lois through video feed. If he wasn't and decided to come, then he was just going to have to think of something to keep them both at the farm. He knew Lois, as long as other people were around, the only liberties she'd allow Oliver would be to hold her hand or similar in public, and sneak off for a kiss in private. That would be hard enough to have to witness, but it was a hellava lot better, than knowing she was with Oliver in Metropolis having sex; and he knew that's what they would be doing. He wasn't naive, nor interested in wasting time trying to fool himself. If he was Oliver, and Lois had called him in distress, he'd also be coming and when he got her alone, the first thing he'd do would be to check her out to ensure that she was really alright, and then he'd want to make love and afterwards hold her close, grateful that she was ok.

If necessary, they would all talk to Oliver, let him know that Lois really was alright, but if that wasn't enough to satisfy, then he'd get his mom to insist they stay for dinner and at the farm for the night. He'd have to take it from there, and find a way to ensure they didn't sleep together. Even if all they did was sleep it was too much, and if he had to be underhanded to ensure it didn't happen, then he would be.

Martha and Chloe each furiously tried to think up arguments to keep Oliver in Star City, or if that failed, to ensure the couple didn't return to Metropolis. Neither wanted the Clark's to be hurt anymore than they already had been, and both knew if Lois was intimate with Oliver, while the men had to stand by helpless, that would surely be the killing blow.

oOo

Putting her cup on the coffee table, Lana rose "I have a few things to do at home; cleaning, washing and the like, so I'll go do that first then make the desert and come back." Sweeping her eyes over everyone, she tilted her head and smiled invitingly "Would anyone like me to make something in particular?"

"Something chocolate please" Lois called out and receiving no other suggestions, Lana picked up her bags and with a backward wave left the house.

Getting to his feet, Clark likewise placed his cup on the table "I'll be back in a couple of minutes." And without giving anyone time to answer, he left the room, strode in the direction of the bathroom and once out of sight, raced home. He picked up the ring from the bed, closed any drawers that he'd left open earlier, redistributed the clothes he'd left behind evenly, so if Lana did glance in his closet she wouldn't notice clothes were missing, then left the house and was striding back into the lounge room of the farm house within minutes.

"J'onn, Dianna it's safe to come out now." Lois called and rose to her feet. When the two visitors joined everyone in the lounge room, she smiled "I'm going outside for a cigarette, but when I come back, I want you to fill me in on what you've learnt ok?" She looked between the guests, and after they nodded turned on her heel, but spun back at Martha's call.

"Would you mind checking to see if I've received any mail dear?"

"Sure Martha." Retrieving the cigarettes and lighter from her purse, Lois made her way to the back door and out.

Martha looked between her sons with curiosity high in her eyes "Where's the book sweeties?"

"I hid it under your bed mom; I'll just go and get it." Clark sped upstairs, collected the book and returned to find that Smallville was already filling the women in on J'onn's plan of reading the book, and hopefully finding the answer.

Both women smiled "Good now we've got a two way plan of action." Chloe replied in satisfaction.

When J'onn opened his mouth to talk, Clark held up a hand to forestall him "Hang on J'onn, Lois will only be 15 minutes or so and I really need to tell mom and Chloe what's going on, do you mind?"

"Not at all my friend, Dianna and I will look through the book in the kitchen." The two stepped away affording the rest privacy; and taking a seat at the table began to look through the tome.

Clark raked a hand through his hair, saw that his mom and Chloe were waiting anxiously, and turning to his twin addressed him first "Can you keep an eye on Lois. I'll tell her later but obviously I can't tell her the truth, and I just don't want her to hear all of this?" Smallville nodded and turned to watch his fiancé walking to the mailbox, but kept an ear on the conversation.

"Mom, I'm leaving Lana. I've already packed my things and stored them in the barn..." She nodded silently in understanding "When she goes home after dinner, I'm going too and then I'm going to tell her, I just can't stay with her anymore mom; not now."

Martha picked up his hand and patted it reassuringly "I understand sweetie, and I don't blame you. This is your home and you're always welcome to stay. Hopefully, this will all be resolved soon, but until it is, I'd prefer you to be with me anyway."

He swallowed and nodded morosely "Thanks mom; I'm hoping it won't be for long but ..."

"Why didn't you go with her when she left a few minutes ago Clark; you could have told her and it would have been done?" Chloe asked quietly.

"I was tempted, but I'm hoping that even the few hours between now and after dinner, will be enough time for J'onn to find out what we need to know." He smiled sadly "If it's not then when I go home tonight, I'm going to confront her. I'm going to tell her that we know everything." He paused and shook his head "Either way I can't stay with her, but I'm hoping this will also be enough to force her hand into admitting that she's lost, and reversing what she's done so that Smallville, Lois and I can get our lives back."

The two women nodded but it was Chloe who added the cautionary warning "Just be careful Clark..."

He nodded and cut in quietly "I will Chloe, Smallville already warned me to do that, and I promise that I will. I just want her to know that I'm no longer the blind fool that I was only a couple of days ago."

She bobbed her head slightly "If J'onn discovers how we can fix everything then before we do it, destroy the book. If he doesn't then we'll get him to keep an eye on Lana after you've spoken to her, and if she decides to change things back, he'll know and can hopefully give us enough warning so that one of you have time to destroy the book. I just don't want everything changed back, only for Lana to have that damned book in her hands once again."

Smallville smiled "We will Chloe, that way at least when everything is reversed, the only magic Lana will have, is the few spells she knew how to do without the aid of the book."

Martha shook her head "I'd feel better if we can find out if there's a way to take Lana's power from her, or maybe use one of those magic spells and make her forget..." When they all looked at her in surprise, she flushed but continued "I don't appreciate anyone hurting my son's, and especially not for their own selfish reasons. The thought of Lana still knowing some magic; no matter how small makes me nervous; I want it all gone."

The men smiled at their mom's fierceness; Smallville pressed a kiss on top of her head, Clark reached over and pressed his lips against her cheek.

Taking a deep breath, Clark looked at his twin then the women. "I'm going to tell Lois, otherwise she's going to know something's up when I return here to sleep. Do any of you mind if I tell her privately."

After a quick look at her son and Chloe, Martha spoke for all of them. "Of course not sweetie, I think we all understand why you need to do so."

They nodded but before anyone could speak further Smallville raised his hand. "Lois has just passed the barn, so let's go outside and keep her company, to give J'onn and Dianna time to keep looking through the book."

J'onn stepped back into the lounge "It's alright my friends, I heard what you said before Chloe, and I will be happy to keep Lana company tonight, but for now Dianna has taken the book to hide in the study." When all their mouths opened, he shook his head "Lois wants to know what I have read on Lana, and if I don't tell her something, that will surely cause comment." They closed their mouths and nodded reluctantly "Dianna and I shall retreat to the study, and take our time looking through the book when Lana arrives."

J'onn took a seat, Dianne returned to the lounge and did likewise, and a moment later Lois entered the house.

"Here you go Martha; it's all junk mail."

"Thank you dear." Martha took the catalogues and tossed them on the coffee table.

Taking a seat on the arm of the couch Lois smiled at the visitors, before fixing her eyes on J'onn's face eagerly "Well, what information did you get from Lana?"

He smiled lopsided, and shared an amused pointed look with the others before responding "Unfortunately nothing."

Lois face fell dramatically "Nothing, you mean...nothing." She finished lamely.

He shook his head "No, Lana doesn't know what her counterpart did, so she cannot help us to fix anything."

She let out a huge disappointed sigh "Well it did seem kind of a stretch, but..." She perked up and asked excitedly "Does she have any big secrets that you can tell us?"

"Lois." Chloe reproved lightly.

At Lois' crest fallen face and sullen pout; everyone had to bite their cheeks or lips to save from laughing out loud.

"Fine!" Lois rolled her eyes and turning to Smallville, shook her head "It did seem kind of ridiculous that the Lana from your world would send you here. I mean sure, most women would love to banish an ex to a far distant galaxy, but actually doing it well..."

He grinned in reply "So you don't think I'm good enough to be banished to a far distant galaxy by a ticked off ex."

She gurgled in laughter "Hey at one point, I would have been happy to banish you..." She turned to encompass Clark in her gaze "...both of you and Lana to far distant galaxy; so just be glad that I don't know magic."

Before his twin could comment, Clark cut in with a loud snort "Oh I am Lo, I think we all are, god only knows what you'd get up to."

She preened, pleased with his words "Be afraid, be very afraid."

At the self satisfied smile on her face, they all looked at each other and began to laugh.

Once the amusement died down the room was silent until Chloe spoke "Besides Lo, just because Lana can't help, doesn't mean her counterpart didn't send Smallville here."

Lois nodded thoughtfully "True; so now that she's in the clear are you gonna tell her your suspicions?" Without giving them time to answer she fastened her gaze on Smallville "Maybe it's time to cut out the games and do what I suggested; just ask Lana if she can think of what you have to say or do for her counterpart to allow you to go home."

Before his twin could reply Clark cut in "Actually Lo, I need to talk to you, do you mind if we go outside for a few minutes?"

She shook her head and rose to her feet "Sure, let's go."

oOo

Lois took a seat on the swing, dug the cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one, before looking at Clark in query.

He stood against the rail, looked down at the ground, then up and into her eyes "I told Smallville while all of you were shopping, and I told mom and Chloe while you were getting the mail, but I need to tell you too, or you'll wonder what's going on."

Her brows lifted, she lifted the cigarette to take a drag and blew out the smoke in lazy stream "Well that was cryptic."

"Sorry Lo..." He smiled joylessly and shrugged off hand "I'm leaving Lana; tonight."

The cigarette paused half way to her mouth, her hand dropped "Leaving her; as in..."

He nodded and took a seat on the swing beside her "Yeah."

"Don't you think that she deserves to know before anyone else?" She asked quietly.

He sighed deeply and nodded once again "Yes, but this isn't a new situation Lois, it's been brewing for years. Lana knows that I'm unhappy, she's known for a long time. I tried to tell her that I wanted a separation once, but she just refused to listen or understand; she pretends that everything's fine and it's not." His lips lifted in melancholy "Having Smallville here, knowing that he's happy with his life, god Lo that's what I want; I just want to be happy again. I'm so tired of pretending."

She nodded and reached up to pat his arm gently "I'm sorry Clark, I really am. I had no idea things were like this. I really thought you and Lana were happy."

"No, I haven't been for years." He raked a hand through his hair and looked toward the barn "I had to tell everyone, otherwise when I returned later tonight with suitcases in hand, that would have invited even more comment then everyone knowing now."

She nodded and took a drag of her cigarette "Are you sure Clark, you and Lana have been together for a long time, maybe you're just going through a rough patch."

"We're not Lois." He turned back to her and smiled sadly "Remember when we fought after I got married, I came to you afterwards and we made up?" She nodded quietly. "You said that I didn't see Lana's faults, that no matter what she did I called it a mistake; even when she did things wilfully and consciously I called it a mistake..." She nodded again. "You were right."

She looked at him sadly "I'm sorry Clark."

He shook his head softly "It's not your fault Lois, it's mine." He picked up her hand and squeezed it gently "You told me that if I insisted on wearing blinders, refusing to see Lana as she really was, that one day I'd be in for a rude awakening; I just wish that I had listened to you."

She sighed, stubbed out the cigarette and rubbed her brow "You were already married by then, so I didn't help you at all. I should have said it beforehand."

"It wouldn't have made any difference Lo because I wouldn't have listened. This is no one's fault but my own. You tried to tell me that I'd get over Lana, mom tried to tell me that she wasn't the right one, but I just didn't wanna hear it." He gave her hand a last squeeze and let go "You wished us luck Lo, but there wasn't enough luck in the world that could have helped Lana and me."

She put her arms around him and squeezed hard "God I'm sorry."

"Thank you for not saying I told you so." Clark whispered back, hugging her as tight as he could without hurting.

She leant back and smiled gently "I think I said enough when you got married, I'm certainly not going to kick you when you're down."

He nodded and smiled in return "Thanks."

"How do you feel?"

He let her go and shrugged lightly "I feel pretty good, I think finally making up my mind to do it, instead of vacillating about it any longer has helped."

She nodded in understanding "You're gonna be ok Clark and so will Lana." She paused and added. "Don't get me wrong, it'll be hard for her I'm sure, but she can't have been happy all this time, knowing that you were miserable but staying with her anyway."

He blew out a deep breath and nodded slowly "That's what I think too."

"Maybe your leaving will give her the impetus to find the life she really wants as well." She put in hopefully.

He nodded but didn't answer. He hoped that his leaving, would give Lana the conscience to do the right thing, and give him back his life and his fiancé.

He got to his feet but instead of joining him Lois stayed seated "You coming Lo?"

"In a bit, I just feel like sitting out here for a while."

"Do you want me to stay and keep you company?"

She looked up and smiled "No, I'm good thanks."

Although she was smiling, he knew by her tone that she wanted to be left alone for the present, so bobbing his head in turn, he left with a smile and re-entered the house.

oOo

When Clark stepped inside Smallville looked up "How'd she take it?"

"She was surprised, sorry, wondered why I didn't tell Lana before anyone else, but I explained as best I could and she seemed to understand." He raked his hand through this hair and let out a soft disbelieving chuff "She feels sorry for Lana."

"If none of us knew sweetie we'd also feel sorry for Lana. We did before the truth was brought to light, so Lois is just reacting like anyone when they hear that a marriage has failed."

He sighed heavily "I know mom."

"You are all aware that Lana now knows the spell she tried earlier worked?" When they swung around to face him and nodded, J'onn looked at them gravely "I believe she will try to use a spell that will hopefully entice Lois into marrying Oliver quickly. This will distract everyone from wondering what she is up to, as you will all be busy trying to stop the wedding; while at the same time it will put Lois very firmly out of her husband's reach."

Clark clamped his jaw shut, determined not to speak the thoughts that were rushing through his head.

After a quick sidelong look at his twin, Smallville spoke up, ensuring that everyone remembered that Lana couldn't succeed "She can try her best J'onn, the book she has is a fake, so no matter what spell she cooks up it won't work."

J'onn inclined his head "I know my friend, but I thought I should let you know what her intentions are."

Smallville nodded and slapped his friend on the back "I appreciate it; by keeping us in the loop we have some warning; so thank you."

Clark relaxed and sent a smile to his friend as well "Thanks J'onn."

J'onn smiled and bobbed his head lightly "Earlier while Lois was drinking coffee, she was thinking about Kal." Knowing he had everyone's full attention, he smiled slightly "She was wondering how it was possible that she saw two Kal's earlier."

Clark turned to Smallville and each saw the promise of hope in the other's eyes "She did see us both, god I forgot about that." Turning to the women Smallville spoke excitedly. "When we found Lois in the field, she came around for a minute and when she did, she looked at both Clark and me in confusion. She even put her hand on Clark's leg and asked me why there was two of me."

Martha turned to J'onn "Could you be wrong J'onn, is it possible that Lois will remember, will accept the truth?"

He shook his head undecided "I truly don't know; before I was certain that she wouldn't given the spells that Lana did, but now...it is possible that I was wrong but..."

Smallville cut him off, his voice carefree and happy "Lois is a fighter, she'll do it; I know she will."

Clark smiled in delight "It seems like everything's turning our way at last. We've got the book; we've got J'onn and Dianna helping us and now this. And the best part is that after I talk to Lana later, I no longer have to pretend, and hopefully very soon we'll have our lives back." Picking his mom up, he whirled her around and began to laugh.

Joining in the celebration Smallville picked up Chloe and did likewise.

J'onn opened his mouth to caution them not to get their hopes up, but at the touch on his arm, he turned to Dianna who shook her head.

"Don't J'onn, at the moment hope is all they have; let them enjoy it." She finished softly.

He nodded sadly and hoped for his friend's sakes that he was wrong, and all would work out in their favour.


	27. Chapter 27

Hello, thank you for the feedback guys it's much appreciated. I apologise for taking so long with this posting this update, I hope you like it.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 27**

Lana stepped inside the house, went to the bedroom and retrieved the book from her closet before going to the kitchen. If she didn't make desert first, she'd get caught up with looking through the book and then everyone would wonder why she'd returned with nothing in hand.

Placing the book on the table, she stepped over, pulled open the cupboard, and wondered what she could make. Something quick and easy, at best she had 90 minutes, and she wanted to use the time productively not wasting it on cooking. She reached in, pulled out the packet of quick, easy chocolate mousse and smiled. This would only take 5 minutes, all she had to do was add milk, stir and put it in the fridge. Once finished, she sat down at the table, pulled the book towards her and flipped through the pages.

Tracking down the spell to nudge Lois into wanting to get married was easy enough, she knew where it was in the book and once found she closed her eyes and hoped like hell it worked. All she had to do was perform it, and later when she went to dinner, talk to Lois and put the suggestion in her mind to get married soon; maybe in a week's time. Then she'd have the necessary breathing space to find what had to be done to fix things, and the security of knowing the woman was forever out of her husband's reach.

She opened her eyes, read over the directions carefully, blew out a deep breath and spoke the words. It was done; hopefully this would work just as well as the spell she'd performed earlier. If it did then she'd just bought herself a week's grace.

Picking up the book, she returned to the bedroom, placed it carefully in the bottom of the closet and allowed her shoulders to relax. Returning to the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of wine, sat at the kitchen table and allow her mind and body to unwind.

For the first time in years she felt safe. Ever since Clark's affections had begun to cool, and then Lois had returned she'd felt uneasy. She'd been scared for years that she was going to lose her husband, worried that he'd find out what she did, and almost desolate that he was going to leave her for Lois, but for the first time she felt calm.

Yes, she still had to merge the men back into one, but Lois would very shortly be married, and never again be a threat to her marriage, and for now that was enough.

oOo

Popping her head out the door, Chloe looked at her cousin in curiosity "You ok Lo?"

"I'm fine Chlo, it's cold out here but nice all the same, so I just thought that I'd stay out here for a while."

Nodding Chloe stepped outside and joined her, the men followed. Both Clark and Smallville quietly hoped that Lois would finally see them, see that they were Kal, and deliberately stood side by side, hoping that any little thing would prompt her memory.

The four exchanged small talk about nothing of any importance for a while, and after a quick look at her watch, Lois rose "Ok, well before we start dinner I'm going to call Ollie, he must be awake by now." With a quick smile she stepped towards the door, but spun back at her cousin's voice.

"Hang on Lo; use my laptop so he can see that you're ok now." Chloe followed her cousin inside and upstairs, powered up her computer, ensured it was up and running, then returned to the lounge room to find that everyone had congregated there once again.

"Thanks Chlo." Bobbing her head at the men, she sat down and looked at all those present.

"What if it doesn't work and Oliver wants to come. It won't only be you guys that are affected; he's going to wonder why Dianna or J'onn didn't tell him they were here."

"It's ok Chloe, I called and left a message for Oliver telling him that I was here and had brought J'onn along with me, as we were together when Smallville called and requested me to come."

"When was this Dianna?" Clark asked curiously.

"While both of you were in Metropolis having the book bound. I knew that if Lois talked to Oliver, she would be bound to mention that we were here, and he would feel hurt that he wasn't asked to come and help as well." Dianna paused and smiled at the look of chagrin on everyone's face "When I talk to him next, I will explain that I was asked simply because Smallville hoped my gifts could be of assistance, and I'm sure that Oliver will understand that."

The two Clark's smiled in gratitude "Thanks Dianna, I don't want Ollie to feel that his help isn't welcome, usually I'd be quite happy for him to be here but under the circumstances..."

J'onn cut into the garbled explanation with a quiet smile "We understand Smallville so please don't worry."

He nodded and turned to his mom "Mom, if Oliver does still insist on coming, can you find a way to keep him and Lois here? I just couldn't stand it if they..." He trailed off and looked at his twin, both their eyes flying to their mom's face at her voice.

"Don't worry sweeties, if Oliver comes, then I'll find a way to not only keep him and Lois here at the farm, but also arrange it so that she will continue to sleep upstairs with Chloe, while you three boys muck it out down here in the lounge room." The Clark's both smiled, bobbed their heads in thanks, and then all waited patiently for Lois to return, to let them know if Oliver would be arriving the next day or not.

oOo

"Well Lo, was Oliver satisfied or is he still going to come out here to make sure you're ok?" Chloe asked conversationally when her cousin re-joined them.

Lois grinned and shook her head "He wasn't happy about it, but I know how busy he is at the moment, so managed to talk him into staying in Star City. He only agreed after I once again promised to call and let him know if I feel even the tiniest bit unwell." Swinging around she addressed their guests "Ollie said to tell you that he got your message Dianna, but since he seemed surprised that you and J'onn felt that you had to tell him where you were, I told him that more than likely it was because I was here, and would mention it to him and blah blah...anyway he understood then so I hope that I was right, but if you had another reason, you know a JLA one, then you can call him back and explain."

Dianna smiled at her friends explanation "No Lois, that's exactly why; I knew that you would mention it to him, and didn't want him to feel that he was the only one being kept out of the loop, so..."

Lois held up a hand and nodded "Say no more, the poor guy _was_ feeling a little left out, but after I reminded him that I was only here because I was going to stay with Chloe for a few days, or wouldn't have been asked to come as I don't have any special gifts that could have helped either, he kinda perked right up." Flashing a smile, she turned her attention to the Clark's "But Ollie asked me to remind you guys, that if you need his help to just give him a call and he'll come."

"Lo that's not true." At Smallville's reply, her chin lifted pugnaciously.

"Of course he'll come." Lois replied positively.

"No, sorry I know that Oliver will come if asked..." When she relaxed, he tried to explain further "I meant that just because you don't have special gifts, doesn't mean that your helps not welcome."

"Smallville, despite what you said earlier, I know that I haven't been much help..." When his mouth opened, she waved her hand "But you never know; I just might end up being the whole lynchpin to this thing and solving it all in the end."

The men smiled externally at her confident appraisal in her abilities, and inwardly grimaced at the way she'd inadvertently almost hit the nail on the head. Lois was the lynchpin for why Lana had done this in the first place.

"Well I'd better start making the salad for dinner, and you boys had better get the grill out and start cooking." Martha smiled at her son's.

When the men nodded and obediently and rose to their feet; Lois, Chloe, Dianna and J'onn looked at each other, shared swift amused smiles, which grew even bigger when Martha called out a few more instructions, and the men once again nodded and replied 'yes mom' before stepping out the door.

"Martha, that's almost an art, how'd you get them so well trained?" Lois asked with a huge smile.

Turning to see the amusement on everyone's face, the older woman flushed, laughed and shrugged.

oOo

While the men stayed busy outside, the women were productive inside. Chloe and Martha made salads, and as promised Lois buttered the bread. Once done, she hopped on a stool, idly picking out cherry tomatoes from her cousin's salad bowl, and popping them into her mouth.

Returning to the fridge, Chloe retrieved some more tomatoes, and when Lois reached over to help herself once again, her hand was quickly smacked.

"Gees Chlo, you could have just said." Lois replied wounded, holding her hand in comfort.

Chloe snorted rudely in reply "Just saying doesn't work with you Lo."

Lois ignored her cousin and turned to the older woman "Martha, where's your basket, I'll unpack it for you."

"Don't tell her Martha, she just wants to get her hands on your chocolate almonds." Chloe broke in quickly.

Martha suppressed a smile, which became harder to do when Lois stuck out her tongue.

"That is so not true; I'm trying to be helpful." Lois moaned peevishly, and once again retrieved a cherry tomato and popped it into her mouth.

J'onn and Dianna exchanged laughing looks before turning back to watch the rest of the fun.

oOo

When Clark walked into the kitchen to pass the plate containing the first two steaks and sausages that were to be put aside for their guests, it was to find Chloe and his mom making salads, everyone chatting happily, while Lois unpacked the gift basket that he presumed belonged to his mom.

He'd been told how Lois had tried to pilfer the yummy treats the previous night, and now saw that she was once again giving it another shot. He bit the inside of his cheek, shared a laughing look with the others and retreated back outside.

"Smaville..." When his twin lifted his brow in query, Clark nodded towards the house "You know how all of told me about Lois trying to appropriate the treats from the gift basket she gave us..."

"You mean steal." His twin corrected dryly.

"Uh huh, well check it out; she's now trying it on mom's basket."

Smallville turned his head, looked through the wall into the kitchen and saw that sure enough, Lois was once again unpacking the basket, and carefully removing the items that she loved and placing them next to herself on the counter.

Both men watched as Lois picked up a tea towel, and casually tossed it over the chocolates, and almost began to scream with laughter, when Chloe just as casually walked to the sink, wet her fingers and picked up the towel to dry her hands. Poor Lois tried to look astonished when the treats were discovered, but aside from her over-acting which was lousy in the extreme, each man also heard the curses she muttered under her breath that her scam had been foiled.

Smiling in delight, the men turned off their vision and to each other. Smallville looked at his twin and shook his head incredulous "The woman is an out and out thief."

Clark chuckled and nodded in agreement "I know; she has no conscience when it comes to chocolate."

"None at all." He agreed without hesitation and with a soft snort continued "She's actually given me chocolates on occasions; you know as an extra present, and then promptly consumed every piece but..."

"But left the last one in the box for you?" Clark cut in with a burst of laughter, remembering a number of dreams when she'd done the same to him.

The two men shook their heads, and chuckling lightly got back to the business of cooking dinner.

oOo

The chatter at the dinner table was light-hearted and easy, but the after dinner coffee and conversation was a different matter entirely. No one except the one person the hints were aimed at; missed the way that Lana gently tried to push Lois into thinking about getting married sometime in the near future.

The men grit their teeth and shared a pointed look with the women. J'onn had warned them and it seemed that he'd been dead right. All felt infinitely relieved that regardless of whatever spell Lana had tried was doomed to failure. However, each still felt their temper flare when she kept prodding despite Lois' disinterest. The knowledge that Lana was well aware, of just how much it would affect both Smallville and Clark's lives should Lois do as was repeatedly suggested, set everyone's teeth on edge.

Becoming infinitely pissed off with the whole thing, Chloe joined in the discussion and began to hint her cousin away from the idea of a winter wedding. She nicely pointed out all the pro's and con's for which season would be best, ensuring that by the time she was finished, Lois wouldn't even think about getting married for at least a year or more.

oOo

Lois felt distinctly uneasy. Lana had never been her favourite person, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for her. Here was Lana caring about her happiness to the extent that she was hoping to entice her into marrying Ollie soon, and the woman didn't even realise that her whole world was going to come crashing down when she went home tonight.

Deciding that she didn't want to hear anything more about weddings, dresses, which season was the best and all the rest of that bullshit, Lois decided it was time to change the subject.

oOo

Once she realised that Chloe had a counter argument for every suggestion she put forward, Lana backed down and let the subject drop. Just putting the idea into Lois' head should be enough for the woman to give serious thought to getting married quickly, regardless of anything Chloe could say. Having to be satisfied with that, she felt happy enough when Lois called a halt and smartly changed the subject completely.

oOo

After exchanging pleasant goodnights, Clark and Lana left, leaving an awkward silence in their wake.

"God I feel sorry for her." Lois sighed sadly.

Martha shared a quick look with her son and Chloe before nodding "We know dear, we all do but..."

Lois rubbed her brow "I know Martha, but I'd hate it if Ollie was planning to leave me and told everyone else first; I'd never forgive him for it."

Smallville minutely shook his head at the women, reached over and clasped her hand "That's different Lo, if Ollie tried to tell you that he was unhappy, would you listen to him, or would you continue to pretend that nothing was wrong?"

She lifted her eyes to his and shrugged.

"I know you Lo, as hard as it was, you'd face it; correct?" She bobbed her head lightly in agreement "While all of you were shopping, Clark and I talked. He's tried to tell her Lo, he's tried to make her listen but she's just refused to." He paused and smiled sadly "More than anyone I know what Clark and Lana are really like. I know that he would have tried to tell her, and his unhappiness would have been obvious if she'd really cared enough to look. I also know just how...intractable Lana can be. For years she questioned me about everything, half the time she wouldn't even give me a chance to explain, before she was telling _me_ how I felt and thought; so I have no doubt that when Clark asked her for a separation the last time, she either told him that he was speaking nonsense, or refused to hear it and told him how he was really feeling."

"Yeah, I really do understand, I just..." She blew out a deep breath and finished quietly "I'd just really hate to be in her position."

"You never could be Lo, not ever." He replied with a quiet smile and felt gratified when she smiled in return.

He knew that Lois thought he was referring to her penchant of facing the truth no matter how unpleasant; but he knew that his mom and Chloe understood that Lois would never find herself in that position, because he'd never want to leave her or let her go.

Lois still felt sorry for Lana, but agreed with Smallville's assessment. She would never allow herself to be put in the same position that Lana was in currently. If Oliver was unhappy and told her, she'd listen and try to fix things, but if he still wanted his freedom, she would let him go.

oOo

Clark followed Lana into the house, stood at the alcove between the kitchen and lounge room, saw her reaching for two cups and decided that now was the time to speak. He didn't want to get comfortable and make small talk over a cuppa, or waste any more time than was necessary. He wanted this over with and then he intended to leave.

"You've lost Lana."

She stilled at the grave tone in his voice, and closed her eyes tight before turning to face him. She saw the anger on his face, the nerve beside his jaw ticking, and read the fury clear in his eyes. She'd thought that Clark wouldn't be able to deceive her, but now that he was no longer hiding anything, she realised that he was a much better actor than she'd ever given him credit for. Her heart faltered and her stomach wobbled at the implacable set to his features. She'd always dreaded this day, she knew what was coming, but hoped to god that she was wrong.

She licked her lips nervously and tried to smile "I don't understand what you mean."

"Yes you do." He corrected blandly.

At his steady gaze she shifted uncomfortably "I don't ...I'm..."

He cocked his head to the side and asked casually "Did you know that Smallville's not from an alternate universe, that this is his world, and in fact he and I are the same man."

She shook her head and ignored the pounding of her heart "How could I know that when this is the first time you've told me, but how...why didn't you..."

"Have you forgotten that I can tell when someone's lying?" He cut in conversationally "Or have you become so complacent with the lie that we've been living, that you really thought I trusted you blindly?"

She swallowed hard and shook her head but couldn't answer. If she didn't speak he couldn't accuse her of lying again.

He continued to look steadily into her eyes, refusing to let her look away "How could you do it? How could you keep me locked in this charade for years knowing how unhappy I was?"

She sternly suppressed the tears that filled her eyes "I thought you were hap..."

"Well you thought wrong." Clark's voice sliced through hers "It's over Lana."

"What...what's over?"

"The lies, the deception, everything; we're over. We should have been over a long time ago..." She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued undaunted "We _never _should have been married in the first place."

"What'd you mean?" She asked quietly, praying that she'd wake up from the nightmare her life had just become.

"Did you think we wouldn't work it out, did you think that I'd never find out what you did?" He asked civilly.

"I...I don't..."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He slashed back impatiently "Did you think that if I was married to you that I'd never love Lois?"

Hearing him say out loud the words that she'd always hoped he wouldn't, caused her heart to flare in anguish "I don't know what..."

"STOP IT!" He yelled fiercely "Just stop lying for gods sakes. Smallville and I know Lana; we know he's not from an alternate universe, we know that he and I are the same man, and we know that our lives were stolen by you." He blew out a deep breath and shook his head "How could you do it, how could you just take our lives and not feel any remorse about it?"

"I...I didn't...I didn't steal..."

"What the hell would you call it? You know that before Smallville and I were split we were one man, and that man was engaged to Lois." She swallowed but didn't answer, his eyes stayed level on hers "I've been in love with Lois for years and you know it. It's almost killed me knowing that she was with Oliver, but as much as it hurt, I could be grateful that she'd found someone who loved her and could make her happy in a way that I couldn't; and now I know that Lois did love me, and we were happy until you separated us."

Tears leaked from Lana's eyes and spilled down her cheeks "You...you loved me."

"I was a boy Lana, I was a goddamned kid when I chased after you; surely even you know the difference between the boy who said he loved you, and the man who told you goodbye, right after he told you that he loved Lois and always would." He shook his head and nailed her to the spot with his eyes, completely unmoved by her tears "We know that you went to the past and changed our lives by marrying me that day, we know..."

She swiped her hand over her eyes, and this time cut into his words "I didn't force you to marry me."

He nodded lightly, but his lips twisted and his voice was full of ridicule "No you didn't force me, but you knew damned well that I was an ignorant teenager who couldn't see past the present to the future back then. You knew very well that I'd love Lois one day, so you married me to prevent that from happening; but you failed Lana, you failed. Nothing could stop me from loving Lois because she is the keeper of my heart; and you separating me from her **won't** ever change that."

She swallowed hard, and felt her heart tear even more "You begged me to marry you Clark. You told me we belonged together, that you loved me and always would. I came to back to you later and we eloped, but you begged me first."

He shook his head in disgust "Yeah I begged you, but I was a fucking kid Lana, I was only 19 years old; what the hell was your excuse?"

"I was 19 too." She whispered wretchedly.

"You were 19 when we got married, but you were the same age that you are now, when you somehow went back to the past, and talked your younger-self in marrying me." He replied scornfully.

She blanched and felt her heart pound madly when he once again repeated that which she'd hoped to avoid, and tried to ignore "You said that before but I don't know what you mean."

"Chloe remembers seeing you." Clark put in quietly, and saw her face drain of colour before she tottered to the couch and almost fell onto the cushions "Until this morning we didn't know how you did it, but she's now remembered seeing you that day." Her mouth opened but no words came out, he continued speaking keeping her eyes locked with his "Smallville told us that the night before he came here and met me, that he and Lois had discovered you owned a magic shop. Yesterday morning he went to see Jor-el hoping that our father could help him get back to his own world, and that's when he found out that he doesn't have a world to go back to." She swallowed heavily and watched as Clark swung around to pace to the opposite side of the room before spinning back "Jor-el told him that someone tampered with the past causing us to be split, and he knew immediately that you were responsible; then he told us."

His head shook back and forth slowly "They all tried to give you the benefit of the doubt y'know? They thought it was possible that you didn't know what your older self had done; but I knew that you did Lana." When her eyes widened, he inclined his head "We've been married for 8 years remember, so there's not much about you that I don't know, and I never once believed that you were ignorant of the truth." He paused and his lips lifted mockingly "You'd quite happily lie to me, but you wouldn't lie to yourself."

"I didn't lie to you." She whispered imploringly but he continued talking as if she'd never spoken "But when Chloe remembered seeing you that day, that's when we figured out how you did it, and that's when everyone's else's doubt of your innocence was cast aside."

She closed her eyes from the accusation in his. There was no point in lying or pretending any longer. Aside from the fact that Clark wasn't going to let her, she couldn't let him to believe that she was indifferent to his feelings; that she didn't care. That was the whole problem, she cared too much, loved him too much to lose him. She had to try and make him understand that she'd only done it for them. However, at his next words, her mind skittered and her eyes flew open to latch onto his face.

"I've been dreaming for years Lana, dreaming about being Superman, about the life that Lois and I had built together." He nodded at the shock on her face "Smallville and I have talked and do you know what; every single moment of the life that he had with Lois, the life that **I** had before you took it all away from us, is what I dreamed off. There's not one detail that I don't know." He finished quietly but the anger in his voice was audible.

She scrubbed a hand over her eyes "I just...I loved you so much and I just wanted..."

His voice slashed through hers with the force of a whip "Who the hell gave you the right to play god and decide how my life should be? Who the hell do you think you are that you can just waltz in and steal...?"

"Stop please." She begged softly at his pitiless tone. She tried to swallow back the tears, but felt them spill out of her eyes and onto her cheeks nonetheless.

"I told you goodbye Lana, I told you that I loved Lois and always would; how could you do it? How could you take me from her after I told you...how?" He demanded, swiping a hand impatiently across his own eyes.

"She stole..."

"Lois never stole me from you because I was never yours to being with." He shot back fiercely "She didn't even want me Lana; I wanted her. I chased after her and didn't give up until she was mine, and then you came along and spoilt it all."

At the hardness in his voice, in his face, she felt her heart heave in her breast "I love you and..."

"I don't care if you love me or not, you knew that I loved Lois." When her mouth opened he continued talking without giving her a chance to speak "I don't care about your reasons, I don't care what bullshit you spun to get your younger self to believe I loved you, because that's all it was; bullshit." Her mouth closed and he shook his head in disgust "How the hell you could possibly think that freak show we called relationship when we were younger was love; is that what you honestly think love is?"

"Things have been different since we got married." She replied softly, hoping that would calm his anger, but swiftly found that nothing she said was going to do that.

He nodded but his lip curled contemptuously "Yeah and that's only because you stopped your bitching, when I got fed up with pandering to it."

"We...we used to be happy, I've done everything I can to make you happy." She beseeched quietly.

"And you think that makes up for what you did? You know damned well that I've been miserable, and can you honestly say that you've been happy married to a man who loved someone else?" Her eyes dropped away from his "You've been playing a game Lana, but then you were always big on games, and that's what our whole marriage has been; one big farce where you played the loving wife just wanting to make her husband happy."

"I..."

"If you ever gave a damn about my happiness, you would have left me alone because I was happy with Lois. You never made me happy for long Lana, you only ever made me miserable."

"You said...you said that you were happy when we were together..." She tried to remind him tearfully.

"I was an idiot who didn't have anything to compare it too, and worse, one who didn't know any better. I thought our relationship was so deep because hey, if we were downcast and suffering, but determined to be together anyway then it _**had**_ to be love." He remarked sarcastically, shaking his head in disgust "I don't know who was more fucked up; me for thinking that being treated like shit was love; or you for thinking that treating me like that was."

"I didn't do that, I just..." She began hesitantly and was once again cut off by Clark.

"Yes you did Lana." He cut in summarily "You got a big thrill from treating me like crap, and enjoyed even more the way I crawled back to you on my hands and knees for more of the same." His lips twisted wryly "I don't blame you for that, I blame myself; you were the instigator, but I let you get away with it."

He took a deep breath and continued quietly "However, I told you that I remember everything about my life before you changed it, and I do. After you were divorced from Lex I _was_ tempted to get back with you Lana, but I left to do the training instead, do you know why?" She knew the question was rhetorical, but automatically shook her head lightly in response. She knew that whatever he was going to say, was going to hurt even more, and soon found out that she was right "It's because I wanted to move forward with my life, and I knew that not only would you hold me back, you'd also drag me back into the cesspool that I'd managed to escape from when you married Lex. Smallville can confirm all that since he is me, and that's why we **never** wanted you back Lana."

When her mouth opened, he lifted his hand and shook his head "Spare me, I have no doubt that if you had married me without all the deceit, you'd still be subjecting me to the same shit to this day. You must be exhausted from playing the role of docile wife all this time, god knows that's not who you are; you should be grateful that I'm saving you from having to perpetuate the charade any longer." He reached into his pocket, plucked out the ring and tossed it to her "Here, you can keep it since it means so much to you. That ring is only a prop for the play that we've been living in for the past 8 years. The only ring I want to wear is the one that Lois would have put on my finger."

She looked at the ring in her hand before lifting her eyes to his, but as the tears that continued to fall unheeded from her eyes, his face was only a blur "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for what I did Clark, but I only did it so that we could be together again." She swallowed back the tears and swiped a hand across her eyes once again "I know you think I was being selfish but I wasn't only thinking of myself I promise you that. I thought...I just thought that if I could erase my marriage to Lex then we could start afresh, and get it right this time."

"And do you think being miserable all this time is considered getting it right?"

She blew out a soft breath "No but that's only because..."

He cut in quietly "It's because we never should have been together in the first place Lana; _**not ever**_. My continual passiveness just encouraged you to be ever more manipulative; altogether we were an ugly combination, and that was before we were even married."

She ignored the hurt at his words, and hoped by declaring herself that she could break through the anger he was wearing like a mantle "I love you Clark and..."

"Why do you love me? I haven't made you happy; for years I've been as indifferent to you, as you used to be to me, so what is there to still love?" He asked pointedly but with a touch of impatience.

"You can't explain love it just is. I love you and..."

His voice tore through hers "I don't care; I want my life back, and I know that you have the power to give it to me."

She swallowed hard, and clenched the ring tight "We can be happy together if you just give me a chance, I'll make it up to you; I'll do anything if you just give me a chance; please."

"Make it up to me?" He asked incredulous "The only way you can make it up to me, is by undoing what you did; you've got nothing Lana left, so do it."

"I've got..." She trailed off and bit her lip.

"The book?" He asked with a slight lift of his lips, and when her eyes widened he inclined his head minutely "No you don't have the book, we do, and it's being kept in a place that you'll never find." When her lips trembled, he raked a hand through his hair "Don't bother digging out the book in your closet, it's a fake. We replaced the real thing with a phoney when you were out shopping this afternoon."

She flushed and opened her mouth to speak, but when no words came out he inclined his head once again "That's right; mom and Chloe kept you and Lois busy while Smallville and I replaced the real book with a forgery." He looked her up and down "Whatever spell you tried on Lois to make her marry Oliver was a waste of time, because the book you have is useless."

She shook her head minutely "I wasn't trying to..."

"Yes you were Lana and it was damned obvious, the only person who had no idea what your real intentions were was Lois." He snorted contemptuously "Did you really think if she was safely married to Oliver that I wouldn't love her anymore, is that what you thought?"

She rubbed her fingers over her brow and shook her head "I just thought if she left us alone that..."

"If she left us alone, SHE, you're the one who damned well took me from Lois to begin with." He cut her off abruptly "Well no more Lana, you're done. We know you have no power, you don't have the book, and I'm leaving, so you don't have me either. The only thing you have now is the knowledge to reverse the original spell, so do it; do the decent thing and give us our lives back."

She closed her eyes and shook her head softly "And Lois?"

"If you're asking if I'll be with Lois again, then yes." He replied succinctly.

"I can't; god Clark I can't. Don't you understand how it feels to love someone so much, that just the thought of them with anyone else tears you apart?" The tears fell faster at the thought of her husband being intimate with anyone but her.

"Yes I do know Lana, because that's exactly how I felt for years knowing that Lois was with Oliver. It hurts like hell, and it's been a lot harder having to deal with the fact that my fiancé has been living with, and is engaged to Oliver because of your interference." He stopped to take a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes and looked into his, she cowered back into the cushions at the volatile anger on his face "How the hell do you think I feel knowing my fiancé's been having sex with another man all this time; and now that I know the truth, do you even care that I feel like I've been cheating on her with you?"

Her breath caught at the allegation in his voice, but she swallowed back the tears, and tackled him with what she hoped was one thing in her favour "You...you haven't told her the truth."

"No I haven't, but we're going to." He lied smoothly "Smallville is waiting for me to get back and then the two of us are going to tell her everything. You tried to make Lois forget her love for me, and you only partially succeeded." He saw the flicker in her eyes, and nodded firmly "She's been dreaming of me and the life we had together for years, just the way that I dreamt about her. The only difference is that she doesn't know it was me, and I didn't know it was real. However, I do now and once we explain everything to Lois, I can guarantee that she'll believe us. It might take her some time to work through it all, or she might accept it straight away, but eventually she will because we won't give up until she does, and then we'll be together again."

"No you won't because you and Smallville will still be separate; so you won't have her." She replied tearfully.

"Wrong, we've already discussed it. Neither of us is willing to stand aside, or lose her to Oliver; so we're going to share her." He replied candidly, and didn't let his eyes waver from hers at the lie.

"You wouldn't." She replied horrified.

"We will." He lied frankly, leaving her in no doubt that he was telling the truth "Half a glass is better than none, and we're both willing to have that than nothing. Smallville told you that he wasn't interested in Lois, and he didn't lie. He's not _interested_ in her, that's much too pale a word to describe how he feels. He loves Lois to the height and depth his soul can reach; and so do I." The tears cascaded down her cheeks at his words, but he just couldn't feel sorry for her "So for now we'll take what we can get, and if that means we have to share Lois then we will, because we know that one day we will be merged back together, so it won't matter in the long run."

"Lois won't do it." She trembled softly.

He could see the doubt in her eyes and knew that what he said next had to nail her belief 100 percent or he'd lose the bluff. As far as he was concerned he'd lost more than enough to her already, he sure as hell wasn't going to lose this.

His lips lifted in a half smile "I told you that I remembered everything, and that includes Lois' love for me. Lois can be hard-headed but when she loves someone, she loves them with everything she has. We're going to make sure that she understands this is something that was done to us, but that we're still the same man; the one that she's been dreaming off. She'll understand that one day we'll be merged back together, but until then we just want to be with her and she'll accept it. Lois loved us Lana; she loved us with the same intensity that we love her, so she won't see anything wrong with it." He paused and cocked his head to the side "Neither do we because we know that one day, our minds and bodies will be coalesced once again."

He could see in her eyes that she believed him, and felt triumphantly glad for the first time since their conversation had started "You have a choice Lana, either you can reverse the spell or we will. We've got the book and we've got an expert looking through it. He'll find the answer and when he does, we'll reverse everything without your say so, but until then, you're not going to stop me from being with Lois."

She shook her head as the truth began to sink in "I'll have nothing."

"You have nothing anyway because I'm leaving. I've already packed my things and stowed them at the farm, and now I'm going back so that Smallville and I can tell Lois everything. She's stubborn but with both of us, including mom and Chloe talking to her, hopefully by this time tomorrow I'll have my fiancé back. We don't care how long it takes, if we have to keep looking for 10, 20, 30 years, Smallville and I won't give up until we find a way to reverse what you did and get back our lives, but in the meantime we're going to be with Lois regardless." He turned for the door but spun back at her call.

"Please Clark, I just did it because I love you, because I wanted to make our lives right." She whispered imploringly.

"Our lives were right before you messed with them. You've lost Lana, just accept it; you've lost. So either give us our lives back, or we'll find a way to take them back; the choice is yours." He pulled open the front door, stepped outside and made his way to the truck.

He was driving back to the farm thinking of their conversation when his shoulders began to shake, and tears filled his eyes. He quickly pulled over, switched off the ignition, and began to scream with laughter while tears of mirth trickled down his cheeks. Lana thought she knew him so well, but she'd just proven that she didn't know jack shit about him.

The day that he was ever willing to share Lois with anyone, even if that anyone was his clone, was the day they broadcast that it was snowing in hell. The only time he and his twin would ever share their beloved was when they were merged back together; right now they'd be much too jealous of each other to stand for it. And Lois, hah, Lo was no wallflower in the bedroom, the woman had never been shy when it came to sex, but if they ever put that proposition to her, she'd more than likely sock them both in the mouth. He began to laugh all the harder when he imaged Lois looking between him and Smallville with speculation bright in her eyes, before deciding it would be much more ladylike to pretend that she was offended, and then punching them both for good measure.

When he calmed down, he wiped his eyes and smiled. He felt so good for finally confronting Lana, for telling her that he knew what she'd done. He felt even better knowing that he no longer had to pretend with her. He'd done as suggested and kept back a number of details, but what he'd revealed had been more than enough. He'd been so tempted to yell and storm at her for everything she'd done, everything she'd taken from him, but was well aware that once started he would have been hard pressed to stop.

He was done with her, and now hopefully she'd do the right thing, but as he'd warned her, if she didn't reverse everything; they would.

Switching the ignition back on, he smiled and drove to the farm.

oOo

Martha tapped Smallville on the shoulder "Since Clark's going to be staying here, the two of you will have to share the living room honey, so you might want to get the spare mattress from the attic."

He grinned in reply and rose to his feet "Good idea mom, that'll give it time to air out before anyone sleeps on it; back in a few minutes."

"Smallville..." At Lois' call he turned around, saw the reflection on her face, and groaned silently wondering what she'd come up with.

"You said that you're single right?" He nodded cautiously "Is Dianna single in your world, or is she with someone?"

His mom and Chloe stifled their laughter, looked at him with interest and waited patiently for his reply.

"Um well she's..."

"Because if she's single and you're single..." Lois trailed off suggestively.

"She's taken." He all but yelped and at the disappointed cast to Lois' face sighed silently "She's very much taken."

Lois shrugged and nodded "Well that's a pity but not really surprising. Oh well I'm just going outside for a smoke." Making her way to the front porch, she opened the door and stepped outside.

Once the door closed behind her, the three people left in the kitchen looked at each other. The women had smiles on their faces, but when their mouths opened, he quickly held up a hand to forestall any smartass comments "Don't say it." Turning he made for the stairs, but swung back at his mom's voice.

"Sweetie before you bring the mattress down; can you please tell J'onn and your potential girlfriend to come have dinner."

"Mom." He griped back, shooting a wounded look at Chloe upon hearing her muffled snort.

Chloe elbowed Martha, and smiled at her friend innocently "What's your problem Smallville; Dianna's gorgeous, she wears boots and carries a lasso; with a bit of luck she might be into the bondage and discipline stuff."

He flushed crimson, Martha coughed, Chloe sniggered and the two women began to scream with laughter while holding onto each other. But their laughter turned to squeals of fright at the voice from the living room.

"I assure you that I am not, but I have found that men find my attire distracting, so I wonder if that is what they are thinking." Dianna asked politely.

This time it was Chloe and Martha who flushed. Smallville smirked, enjoying the women's discomfiture.

"You look great." Chloe said hurriedly.

"Wonderful." Martha echoed.

"I want a costume just like yours." Chloe nodded rapidly.

"So do I." Martha echoed again, and felt her face turn even pinker when all turned to her with looks of incredulity.

Smallville snickered, ignored his mom's heated look and turned to enquire of his friend politely "Do you think you can get mom a costume like yours Dianna?"

He saw the twinkle in her eyes, allowed his body to relax so his mom could hit him without hurting herself and waited.

"I could do so easily." She turned to the elder Kent and smiled nicely "I'm so pleased you like my outfit Martha, I shall get you one just like it."

Martha sent her son a pleading look, but at his smile knew that for the first time, he wasn't willing to help his old mom out "Thank you Dianna, but maybe I'm a bit too old to wear it."

"Nonsense, you'll look beautiful Martha." When the older woman's mouth opened, Dianna held up a hand and shook her head "I will be offended if you don't accept it."

"Well I don't want to offend you..." Martha began hesitantly and was sorely tempted to hit her son harder at his next words.

"She'll be even more offended if you don't wear it mom...right Dianna?" Smallville asked cheerfully, enjoying the way his mom's eyes opened wide in fear.

Dianna bit her tongue and nodded seriously.

Chloe stayed silent hoping they wouldn't turn to her next, but when he looked at her and grinned evilly she began to pray.

"Now Chloe could also wear a Wonder Woman costume, but she might look a bit short." He tilted his head this way and that "What'd you think Dianna?"

Not giving the woman time to answer, Chloe quickly rushed into speech "I was just about to call you to come and have dinner Dianna, you must be starved; take a seat while I go and call J'onn." Almost running from the kitchen, she ignored Smallville's voice calling after her, and promised silently that if he let her off the hook, she would never make one more joke at his expense ever again.

Feeling more than a little pleased with himself, Smallville raced upstairs and retrieved the mattress calling over his shoulder "I'm just going to keep Lo company for a few minutes."

oOo

After placing the mattress up against the railing, Smallville turned to smile at Lois but found that instead of smoking, she was sitting on the swing with a somewhat pensive look on her face.

"Are you ok Lo?"

"Uh huh."

He knew by her tone that she wasn't "You look deep in thought, what's on your mind?"

She let out a heavy sigh and shrugged half-heartedly "Ollie."

"Oh."

"I feel really hypocritical." She continued softly, and at his curious expression "After talking to all of you yesterday I decided that I had to tell Ollie about the dreams, but I should told him long before now." She pushed off with her foot lightly, setting the swing into a gentle motion.

"How does that make you hypocritical?" He asked quietly talking a seat beside her.

"I said that if Ollie was planning to leave me, and told everyone else first that I'd never forgive him for it, but haven't I done the same thing by not telling him about the dreams, and sharing them with all of you?"

He shook his head slightly "No Lo it's not the same."

"No it's worse. Clark's tried to tell Lana that he was unhappy before tonight; but I haven't tried to tell Ollie anything before now."

"But you're going to?" He asked softly.

"Yeah."

He nodded and looked across the yard "Are you going to call him?"

"No, he deserves better than that, so I'm going to wait until I get home." He turned back to face her, and found her smiling sadly "Hopefully after I tell him, my home won't be the closest hotel room because he wants to break up."

He smiled slightly but was unprepared for her next question.

"If you were Ollie, how do you think that you'd feel?"

"I don't know because I'm not in his position." He lied candidly. If Lois had dreamt of another man while she was engaged to him, he would have felt jealous, angry, hurt and betrayed.

"But do you think that you'd be ok with it because they're just dreams, or..."

"They're dreams that you've been having for a long time Lo." He reminded her softly.

"I know but ..."

"They must have some importance to you, otherwise why would you hide them from Oliver all this time?" When her chin lifted, he shook his head lightly before she could speak "You've never been one to hide from the truth Lo, you're one of the most painfully honest people I know; so you just have to ask yourself what's the significance of the dreams, and what do they mean to you."

She sighed and raked a hand through her hair "Smallville, if you're friends with the Lois from your world and if she's like me, then you must know that I'm not romantically inclined, I never have been. I just don't believe that everything has some deep meaning y'know?"

"She's exactly like you Lo, but your dreams do sound symbolic to me." He returned quietly.

"In what way?"

He shrugged in reply "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"If it's about destiny then you're right; I won't." She chuffed softly before continuing "I keep telling myself that Superman's from the right side of my brain; you know where fantasy and imagination lives, but my left side is logical enough to know that he's not real."

"But..." He encouraged quietly.

"But..." She rubbed her brow and turned to look at him "I don't know."

"You don't know if he's real?" He asked gently.

"I don't know. Last night I dreamt that we were right here on this swing..." When his mouth opened, she shook her head forestalling him "I know it's stupid, I really do know that, but the dream was so vivid that I just can't dismiss it." She finished quietly.

"What are you going to do if he is real Lo?"

"A man with super powers, c'mon Clark."

"Smallville..." He corrected automatically "You know in the JLA there are people who have powers Lois, so why do you find it inconceivable that he really exists?" He reproved calmly.

"If he really exists, then why isn't he using his powers to help others, like the man in my dreams?" She returned in the same vein.

"There could be a reason." He replied lamely.

"Yeah, like he doesn't exist or he's a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone else, so he's happy to sit back and let people suffer needlessly." She mocked lightly.

"No I mean there could be a real reason."

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know." He replied with an awkward shrug "But for arguments sake, let's say that he is real, what are you gonna do?"

"What'd you mean?"

"I mean would you be happy if you met him, if the two of you found each other." Her mouth opened but he held up his hand this time forestalling her "You said that he and your dream self love each other Lo; so how would you feel if you met him in real life?"

She shook her head and blew out a deep breath "I don't know, more than likely I'd be happy to know that I'm not nuts, not happy if he expected me to dump Oliver for him."

He felt his stomach dive, but clarified quietly "Not even if you were meant to be together?"

"That's fantasy."

"It doesn't have to be, it sounds like the two of you belong together Lois, but if you marry Oliver and then meet Superman one day it'll be too late; you'll be short changing all three of you." He pressed softly.

"No I won't." She shook her head firmly in rebuttal "That's the difference between you and me. You believe in destiny but I don't, so I've never let it rule my life. But for arguments sake, if Superman really does exist and I meet him, then I'll say hello, nice to meet you and good bye."

"And that's it?" He questioned with a soft head shake "Lois..."

"Smallville, you don't know any better than I do. You spent years chasing after Lana convinced that she was the one, but now you don't. So in the end all you have to show for it is wasted years that can never be reclaimed." She paused and shrugged lightly "I've never met anyone that I believed was my destiny, I never expected some ridiculous sign to tell me who I should be with; I've always followed my heart. It's led me astray more than once, but they were my mistakes, and not the result of some sign or premonition that I misread." She turned to him and smiled slightly "I hesitated and debated about getting back together with Ollie for a long time, but I love him now and he loves me, and in the end that's what matters."

He sighed and ran a hand around his neck "I don't mean to belittle your feelings for Oliver, but it just sounds like you and Superman belong together Lo."

She shook her head patiently "No we don't, but if and I stress the word IF he really existed, more than likely we'd disappointed in each other if we met."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because dreams can only take you so far, but real life isn't a fantasy. If we met in real life I wouldn't be surprised if we really couldn't stand each other; and I don't mean that we wouldn't like each other in a sexual tension kind of way, I mean that we really wouldn't like each other."

"It doesn't sound like it." He replied doubtfully.

Her lips crooked up in a small smile that contained no ridicule just fact "That's because you believe all that, airy fairy there's one person out there for everyone nonsense. I think it sounds nice, but impractical; and I'm a very practical woman."

He took a deep breath and continued cautiously "Ok, well you said that Superman loves you."

"No he doesn't." She replied firmly but at his cocked eyebrow clarified "He loves dream Lois, he doesn't love me, because he doesn't even know me."

"Are you a different Lois in the dreams, to how you are in real life?" She hesitated before shaking her head minutely, he nodded and continued patiently "Is your relationship perfect in your dreams? Do you never argue, never have hard angry words, do you always get along?"

She sighed in resignation but answered honestly "No we don't."

"Then I'd say that he knows you." He finished confidently "You said that he reminds you of your promise to find him if he was ever lost."

"Yeah and that just proves that's he's not real." She returned promptly, feeling confident for the first time.

"Why?"

"Because apparently I promised to kick his ass if he ever nicked off, and what man is going to want a woman who does that?" She smiled lightly and knocked his arm with hers "Most men run away at thought of being stuck with a fishwife like me, not try to get me back after I've threatened them with bodily harm."

He shook his head in return "I think he knows that you meant it with love; there are a lot of men who are attracted as hell to assertive, take charge women."

She smiled back "Well Ollie is; he's the first man I've met that's willing to put up with me long term."

"So is Superman, since he reminds you that he's real." He quickly reminded her.

"The dreams have been going on for years now, for all I know they could have started after I broke up with someone. I might have thought it'd be nice to meet a guy I couldn't intimidate, so made up a man with superpowers, figuring that he'd be the only kind of man I couldn't scare off."

"They couldn't have started after you broke up with someone Lo, because you wondered if you lack of social life started them." He reminded her gently.

"Do you remember everything I said?" She asked exasperated.

"No, but I remember that was one of your theories. However, if that is what happened then wouldn't the dreams have stopped now that you're with Oliver, since he's willing to put up with you long term as you said?" He paused and smiled softly "So surely you wouldn't need a dream lover anymore?"

She rolled her eyes but lifted her brows in defeat "Let's not talk about this anymore."

"Lo..."

"Smallville you're not a shrink."

"No I'm not, but I don't think you need a shrink, I just think you need to face the fact that this man is real, one day you're going to meet him and then it will be too late."

"Too late for what; true love?" She asked with a touch of sarcasm.

"Too late for both of you."

"No it won't, because I don't believe that only one person can make you happy."

"I agree, but do you really want to be happy with one person, when it's someone else who's your soul mate; the one person that's absolutely right for you in every way?"

She swallowed hard before looking away but didn't respond.

He gazed at the side of her face, and prayed that he was getting through whatever Lana had done to her mind "Lo, do you love Superman; not dream Lois; you. Do you love him?"

"I love Oliver."

"I'm not disputing that but do you also love Superman?"

"Look Kal and I..." She began frustrated then trailed off swearing silently at herself.

"Kal?" He questioned, quickly grabbing onto the name that she hadn't revealed to anyone before now.

"Forget it."

"Who's Kal?"

She sighed, rubbed her brow and swung around to face him "Kal is Superman."

"Just Kal, that's his full name?" He enquired politely.

"No, at first he told me that was his name, but when he confessed that he was Superman, he told me that his whole name was Kal-el. However, I couldn't get used to it, so continued to call him Kal." She knocked his arm, when he sniggered "I can't help it, renaming things is a Lois Lane trait, and after not telling me that he was Superman, he was just happy that his name wasn't mud."

"I'll bet." He replied with feeling.

She grinned at his tone, he grinned in return, unable to suppress the buoyancy from filling his heart. Lois had opened up to him, and although she hadn't agreed when he said that she belonged with and loved Superman, neither had she disputed it. Between wondering about the two Kal's earlier and now this, he couldn't help believing that his beloved was fighting to remember, and would soon find her way back to him.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

After Clark left, Lana sat on the couch unmoving. The tears continued to trickle from her eyes, her hand still clasped his wedding band tight, but her mind was a complete blank.

It was several minutes before she fell back boneless against the cushions of the couch, pressed the hand holding the ring against her heart, and the other against her face.

She'd lost him; she'd always dreaded this day, had tried to believe that it wouldn't happen, had tried to keep the faith that Clark's love for her would return if she just gave him enough time, but now she had no such hope.

She couldn't pretend any longer. He didn't love her, hadn't loved her in years and that wasn't going to change. Nothing she could say or do was going to change that.

This was worse than when he told her that she wasn't welcome in his life, more painful than when he told her goodbye; this was in a category that she couldn't even describe. Then she still had hope, then she could still believe that he really did love her deep down. This time she had no such assurance because he'd left her with nothing, NOTHING.

She opened her hand, looked down at the ring, and felt her heart shatter. The tears gushed from her eyes, the pressure on her heart became unbearable, her throat began to close up, and when she tried gasping for breath, began to panic when she couldn't get enough air into her lungs.

She closed her eyes tight, pushed all thoughts of Clark from her mind, and imagined herself walking along a white sandy beach, feeling the cool water rushing over her feet, a soft breeze blowing through her hair, and lifting her face to the sun. Her breath wheezed out in pants, became deeper heaves, turned into longer inhales and exhales until finally she was able to breathe normally once again.

She'd never meant to hurt him, but she'd seen the hurt under the anger in his eyes, the wound that she'd inflicted by her deceit. Curling into a ball on the couch, she pressed her knees against her chest, and sobbed for everything that she'd lost. All the times that were now gone when he told her of his love, all the happiness they'd felt in just being together, the love they used to have for each other; and all the years that she had continued to love him in the face of his indifference.

When her tears were spent, she reached for the tissues on the end table, wiped her eyes and blew her nose then stood. However, when her legs began to fold, she quickly grasped on the couch until her balance was secure then slowly made her way to their bedroom. Her limbs felt weighted down, every step forward felt like she was walking through mud up to her knees; and when she saw their bed, her eyes blurred once again. Crawling onto the mattress, she curled up on his side and closed her eyes.

Oh god, he was gone, he was gone. She wanted to hide from the world, close her eyes and just drift away. Opening her hand again, she looked at his ring and recalled the moment she had put it on his finger for the first time.

She'd shown him the ring that she'd bought for him and he'd smiled. He'd picked her up, kissed her deeply, hugged her hard then urged her to slide it on his finger. He'd turned his hand this way and that, then lifted his eyes to her face and the pride, the absolute joy on his expression had brought tears to her eyes. He'd loved the ring, loved that she'd gone out and bought it for him secretly. He'd been even more upset than she was, when he realised that he couldn't wear it while doing farm chores.

She swallowed hard, tucked a hand under her chin and closed her eyes. She wanted to lie here and not think, not feel anything; but the expression on Clark's face, the tone in his voice when he'd confronted her began to cut through the misery.

From the moment he started talking, to the second he walked out the door, she'd felt so many emotions. Every word he'd uttered had left her utterly exposed with nowhere to hide; each one roiling and crashing down on her head, until she felt like she was drowning.

At first she'd felt terrified knowing he was aware of what she'd done, then apprehensive at his unwillingness in letting her pretend ignorance, overwhelmed with the abundance of information he'd revealed, stunned as revelation after revelation poured out, perturbed and bewildered with how he could know so much, relieved that he didn't know everything, worried that he did and was hiding it from her, and grateful that he'd held back and hadn't poured out all the anger that had been vibrating of him in waves.

She had tried to tell him that she'd done it for them, not just for herself but wasn't sure whether he didn't believe her or didn't care. He'd been far too angry to want to listen to anything she had to say, and as much as it hurt, she could understand that.

She'd deceived him and Clark hated subterfuge, since Smallville had told him everything yesterday morning, he'd had almost 36 hours to dwell on it. It was natural when you were angry for your mind to churn; going over and over all the details, and the more you thought about it, the deeper your fury grew as a consequence. If you were angry because you'd been lied to, it was even worse. You festered and stewed; every tiny thing that had happened in the past was dragged forward, and nitpicked at until you had even further proof that your resentment was valid.

She used to do the same thing to him before finding out what he was hiding from her, and understanding his reasons for doing so. Whenever the opportunity presented itself, whether they were arguing or not made little difference. She used to pick at him, and beat him over the head with all the lies he'd told her in the past, justifying her reasons for not trusting him, for questioning him; and now the shoe was on the other foot.

He'd taken this one deceit, dwelt on it and then dragged their teenage relationship front and centre, and looked for flaws in that too.

He never ever blamed her for not trusting him years ago, he never used to think that she had treated him badly, but now...yes, she hadn't trusted him, yes she'd dated other boys, and yes, there were times that she could have been kinder, but he'd known all of that before they were married. However, now that he knew that she'd lied to him, he was using this one action against her to look at their whole relationship with suspicion.

He'd left her with nothing. She couldn't pretend that everything was going to be ok, that he'd soften after a while and come back. He'd walked out only after ensuring that she'd gotten the message that he wasn't going to forgive her, either for lying to him or for keeping him from Lois.

For years she'd tried to pretend that her husband was only infatuated with the woman, but she couldn't do that any longer either.

She'd heard the conviction in his voice when he said that if she didn't reverse things, they would. They didn't know how yet, but considering they had the book, and were wise to things that no one but herself should know, it was only a matter of time before they found the answer. There had been no room for debate in his voice, not even a sliver of softening in his expression; if she didn't give him what he wanted, he was going to take it. It made no difference to him how long she held out for, or how long it took them to find the answers, he was going to be with Lois is in the meantime, and didn't care how she felt about it.

Her heart felt heavy and tight in her breast, everything hurt, yet at the same time she felt completely empty, drained and lifeless.

He'd left her with nothing. No options, now way out, nowhere to hide; and alone.

oOo

At the sound of a vehicle coming down the lane, Smallville looked up and saw his twin behind the wheel "I think Clark's back."

Lois nodded, patted his thigh and stood "Well then I think I'll leave you two alone, he'll probably appreciate talking to his brother and mom right about now, so I'll go and let her know that he's back."

He smiled and nodded in appreciation "Thanks Lo."

"No problem." She opened the door and stepped inside the house. Finding both Martha and Chloe in the living room, she took a seat beside her cousin and addressed the matriarch of the Kent family "Clark's back Martha, I left Smallville outside so they can talk, but I thought you'd like to know that he's returned."

Martha nodded and placed her cup on the coffee table "Thank you dear; even though it was his decision and one that's been a long time coming, he's my boy and I want to make sure that he's alright." Patting Lois on the arm, she rose and made her way to the front porch.

Smiling at her cousin, Lois looked around the empty room "Where's J'onn and Dianna?"

As J'onn and Dianna were currently in the study quietly looking through the book that Lois didn't know about, Chloe gave her the tale they had all decided on earlier, feeling that the more simple and believable the explanation, the better "They've gone home Lo, but they they'll be back tomorrow."

"Was something wrong?"

"No, but there's nothing more they can do tonight, so they thought they'd go and check up on their home cities, and hopefully tomorrow when they return, one of them will find a way to send Smallville home." She lied smoothly without batting an eyelash.

Lois nodded and stretched "Ok, well I'm just going upstairs for a shower, so I'll be back in a little bit."

She snorted rudely in reply "You mean you'll be back in about an hour."

"That's a little bit." Lois clarified, smacking her cousin lightly on the arm for her impertinence.

Chloe waited a few minutes, and when she heard the bathroom door close, slipped upstairs, waited to hear the shower running, returned downstairs and joined everyone on the porch.

"Lois is in the shower so we have an hour of free time, I told her that J'onn and Dianna have gone home for the night, so we have to decide what we're going to do. Do we stay out here and catch up on what we do next, tell J'onn to go and spy on Lana now that she's alone, or go and find out if he and Dianna have found anything in the book." She looked at all in turn, almost jumping in agitation.

The men grinned at their friend's excitement and rose to their feet "First we'll ask J'onn to go and spy on Lana, then we can ask Dianna if they've found anything, and if we have any time left we can catch up."

She nodded, pushed the front door open again and all four trooped to the study. At their intrusion, J'onn and Dianne looked up and smiled in welcome.

"Lois thinks you've gone home, and as she's now in the shower, we've got a little breathing space." The two nodded, but before either could speak Clark continued "I told Lana that we know she has no power, that we have the book, and we've got an expert looking for a way to reverse her spell, so hopefully that'll be enough for her to know that she's out of options on what she can now do. But would you mind going and keeping an eye on her J'onn, then if she does reverse the spell tonight, hopefully you'll have enough time to warn us so that we can destroy the book."

J'onn bowed his head in acquiescence "Yes my friend I will." He looked at all in turn and smiled very slightly "I have found the spell she used to bring all this about." They looked at each other in astonishment before turning back to him with excitement "Just before you and Lana left for home, she thought of it; it was only for a moment but it was long enough for me to read her and track it down. I believe the reversal might be contained somewhere within the spell. I haven't found it yet but..."

"But it's only a matter of time." Smallville cut in with a laugh, and raced over to hug his friend hard, then let go and grabbed Dianna as well. He'd no sooner freed her, then Clark was hugging one then the other of his friends as well.

"Thank you, thank you." Both men's voices called out at the same time.

"It was J'onn who found it." Dianna reminded the men, but couldn't stop smiling at their exuberance on their faces.

"And it was you who alerted J'onn to the problem in the first place." Martha put in tearfully, stepping over to hug the two visitors as well.

Chloe just continued to smile at all of them "Ok, so stop with the hugging you guys, Lois will be down in about 45 minutes, so let's get cracking."

J'onn laughed and nodded "Clark you had better take me to your home since I don't know where it is. As we are both fast, you shall be back in a minute or two, and then Dianna can show all of you what we have found."

Clark nodded, left with J'onn and was back a couple of minutes later "I hope that J'onn's going to be ok." At the curious expressions directed at him, he grimaced and held out a hand in appeal "Lana was already crying when I left, and I know that J'onn can be quite soft hearted, so I just hope he doesn't..."

"He won't Clark." Dianna put in quietly "J'onn is soft hearted, and he may very well feel sorry for Lana, but that won't stop him from obtaining the information we need. Pity or not, he knows that Lana should not have done this in the first place. Not only was it wrong, but yours and Smallville's lives been disrupted by the change and your subsequent split, and even worse she has held you back from being Superman all these years."

"Actually Dianna, I let those people down." Clark corrected regretfully "Raya had already told me what my destiny was, so I wasn't ignorant of the facts when I decided to be with Lana despite everything. She asked me to promise yes, but I did it willingly even knowing why Jor-el had sent me here. So I can't make her wear the mantle for that; I have to."

They all looked at each other in grief, but it was Smallville who replied "Yes." He looked at his twin, pressed his lips together and smiled sorrowfully "Yes, you do."

Clark nodded and blew out a deep breath "Thank you for not sugar-coating it."

"Who understands better that hollow platitudes mean nothing, than the man who would have done the exact same thing?" He said gently.

Clark nodded again then turned back to his friend with a slight smile "So how about showing us what you've found that will fix all of this?"

She inclined her head, smiled kindly and waved them all closer "This is the spell that was used..." She pointed out the page, they read it over, looked back at her and found that she was nodding slowly "Yes, as you can see it does have a number of warnings attached to it, which is why as J'onn pointed out earlier, Lana only used it in desperation. The wording is somewhat complicated to understand, and that is why J'onn believes the reversal is contained within the spell itself." She broke off to look at the men in turn "Unfortunately it is still unclear whether anyone can reverse the spell or if only Lana can do it, but we decided to worry about that later and concentrate on trying to separate the reversal from the spell first; and this is what we were struggling with when you came in. However, if J'onn can get all the answers from Lana directly, it will prevent us from making things worse by using guesswork to decipher it."

Smallville nodded absently and looked at the spell once again. It was unbelievable that this one page document had been the instrument of causing all the trouble. Dianna was right, considering the number of warnings attached to the damn thing; Lana had clearly been desperate to use it. She'd taken a huge gamble; the safest result would have been nothing happening at all. But apart from the possibility of them being split, when she tried the spell initially she could have ended up anywhere from years to days or months in the past, the person being affected could remember their former life if steps weren't taken to prevent that from happening, and on it went. God she'd been crazy to think that nothing was going to go wrong. How the hell could she have imagined that using magic was the way to get what she wanted? Worse still was using magic that was clearly unreliable, and cautioned the user from the onset.

He cast his eyes over the spell again and shook his head in confusion. The only way Lana could have figured this out was dissecting every word and phrase then studying it over and over to ensure that she had it all down pat; which was clearly why she didn't need the book to do the reversal. He exchanged a look with his twin, and knew that Clark had come to the same conclusions as himself.

"Was J'onn able to find the spells that Lana did on Lois?" Clark asked hopefully, but at Dianna's headshake he nodded in understanding.

Chloe ran her finger down the page and looked up with a frown "By the looks of this Dianna, not only is the wording complicated but you need certain...I don't know; ingredients or something before you can do anything."

"Yes, but whether you need them to perform the initial spell, just the reversal or both we don't know. We have tried but..." Dianna began apologetically but was cut off by Martha's pat on her arm.

"Don't apologise for not working it out yet Dianna, this whole situation is complicated but you and J'onn have helped enormously. I think we're all doing our parts and by working together we're slowly getting there. Chloe remembered seeing Lana that day, you alerted J'onn to our troubles, Jor-el told Clark what was really going on. If it wasn't for all of you, I'd feel completely helpless, and there's nothing a mother hates more than not being able to help her children."

The two Clark's closed in on Martha and pulled her into a three way hug "You're the one who thought of keeping Dianna and J'onn under wraps from Lana mom; and that gave us an edge that we wouldn't have had otherwise." Smallville pressed a kiss against her temple "But even if you hadn't thought of that, just having you here makes me feel less helpless."

Clark echoed his twins sentiments, then tacked on "But I've never been more proud of you than yesterday mom..." when she looked at him curiously, he smiled wickedly "...when you told Lana to shut up very politely, after she found out that Lois was engaged, and started yammering on to her about getting married."

"I think all of you have become a bad influence on me." Martha shook her head in pretend sadness, Chloe snickered and the men just grinned wider in reply.

"Ok, well Lois usually takes about an hour when she has a shower, which doesn't leave us with much time to talk." Smallville turned to his friend "Dianna it's almost 8.30, we'll understand if you want to go home tonight, and if you can, come back tomorrow."

She nodded reluctantly "I would like to go home just to ensure that all is well, but I will return if I'm not needed there."

Smallville looked at his twin and shook his head "No Dianna, stay at home and get a good night's sleep. Clark and I talked about this earlier, unfortunately we both know Lana pretty well; him more than me, but we knew it was unlikely that she'd reverse the spell straight away. Lana's the type to look for loop holes, see if there's a way that she can win; or at least not lose altogether. She'll only give in after she accepts that's she has no options left, but not before and not this quickly."

Clark nodded in accord "At the moment she might be too shell-shocked to think clearly, but once it sinks in that our expert is looking into how we can reverse the spell, Lana will cave and do it herself. After all, she'll feel safer controlling the situation, then leaving it up to us." He sighed and raked a hand through his hair "J'onn's keeping an eye on her, so hopefully she will give in and reverse the spell tonight, and if she does then we don't have to do anything. But if she doesn't then tomorrow he's going to be tired. I can't read minds like him, but I know Lana well enough to keep an eye on her while he rests. If it looks like she's getting ready to do a spell, then I'll call J'onn to come and read her so that we know what she's up to, and in the meantime we'd appreciate you staying with Smallville as a backup, just in case she tries anything underhanded."

Dianna looked at each man with a small smile "I see that you've thought of everything."

Smallville nodded sadly "We had to, in a perfect world Lana would have done the right thing by now and we wouldn't be discussing this, because we'd already have our lives back, but that hasn't happened. J'onn said that Lana's kept the memories of her other life sharp, so we just can't take the chance that she won't remember some magic, and try to use it."

The three women nodded in understanding but felt disturbed at the men's revelations.

Clark took up the tale from his twin "Plus as J'onn pointed out earlier, Lana wasn't going to let Lois come back last month, she only gave in after she accepted that she'd lost; which was only after Smallville told her no. She'll be the same way this time now that I've told her the same thing." He sighed heavily and shook his head "J'onn said that Lana didn't want to hurt either of us, that if anyone was going to be harmed she preferred it to be Lois. She might not feel that way any longer given what I said to her before I left, but we're not willing to take the chance on that either. Our biggest worry is that although she knows we're vulnerable to Kryptonite; Lois is our real Achilles heel. We just can't afford to trust her in case she tries to weaken us, so that she can get to Lo."

Dianna looked at the men gravely and nodded "Then I will go home and rest, but will be back in the morning unless I'm detained, in which case I will return as soon as possible."

"Thank you." Both men replied and after exchanging good nights Dianna left swiftly.

Turning to the men, Martha looked at both gravely "Sweeties, I hadn't even thought of that. Even if Lana doesn't want to use Kryptonite against you so that she can get to Lois, she might try to use it to put you both out of action to get the book back." The men nodded slowly in comprehension "We can't assume that J'onn and Dianna won't be called away tomorrow with an emergency, and I'm not willing to take any chances. I know that you don't want to destroy the book until all the answers have been found, so for now I want you to take it and keep it somewhere safe."

"Take it to the fortress." Chloe chimed in "It's the safest place; Lana knows about it, but she'll never be able to get there as fast or as easily as either of you."

"But J'onn and Dianna still need the spell to try and decipher it." Clark replied regretfully.

"You can both fly, so take the book to a print shop, and photocopy only the page that you need, then they can still work on it, but the book is safely out of Lana's reach permanently." Martha paused and smiled softly "I know you want J'onn to find the spells that were done on Lois, but if he can find the reversal and we can do it, then everything will be ok again anyway. I just don't want Lana to get her hands on any forget and anti-love spells or anything else."

Both men sighed but nodded in agreement "We'll do it tonight after Lois is asleep."

"Good, now how about I put the kettle on, and we have some coffee and cake for supper?"

oOo

"I was just about to call you Lo." Chloe smiled when her cousin rejoined everyone.

"Sorry I took so long."

"We're used to it Lo." Clark replied straight faced.

She narrowed her eyes, smacked him gently then eagerly accepted the coffee being passed to her by Martha "Thanks." Turning back to Clark, she smiled "Are you ok?"

He nodded and sipped his coffee "Yeah, it wasn't easy but I'm ok."

"I'm glad." She replied with a quick nod. As she was in the process of sipping coffee when Chloe asked who wanted cake, she held up her hand.

They all enjoyed their supper and sitting back content nursing fresh cups of coffee afterwards, Lois turned to Clark once again "I know it's a dumb question, but how was Lana?"

He shrugged half-heartedly "Upset, but I couldn't ease into it. I had to tell her how I felt without any dissembling; that's been our problem too many times in the past."

"There's never an easy way to tell someone when it's over sweetie." Martha replied and reaching over patted his hand.

"I know mom."

"Your mom's right Clark. I haven't been married, but I have had my fair share of breakups; actually I think I've had a few people's share..." Lois smiled softly "It's never easy, and sometimes easing into it can be crueller." She finished sympathetically.

"Yeah; but I wish it hadn't been necessary." He said quietly; and all but one person understood his true meaning.

"How many breakup's have you had Lo?" Chloe asked with a slight smile, hoping to change the subject.

"I lost track when the numbers moved into the double digits Chlo." She replied dryly "I've never been lucky in love until now."

The two Clark's shared a quick glance and wanting to change the subject again, Smallville asked that which he'd been curious about, since Chloe had mentioned it the first night; and soon wished he'd kept quiet.

"Chloe said that you were away for five years Lois?" She nodded "The Lois from my world was only away for two, can I ask why you stayed away for so long?"

She smiled reminiscently "Well actually I was going to come back after two, but a month or so before I was ready to return I went shopping one day. You know those charity stalls they have set up in the malls, where you can buy a ticket and win a house or a car something like that?" They all nodded "Well I bought a ticket and believe it or not, I won third prize which was a 13 day cruise. After living on a shoe string budget for two years, I was looking forward to spoiling myself rotten; just kicking over the traces and having a damn good time then afterwards I was planning on returning to America."

"But?" Clark questioned with a smile.

"But a few hours after the ship left port, I tripped on the deck and broke my leg."

They all began to laugh; she rolled her eyes, sipped her coffee, and waited patiently for the laughter to die down.

"Oh poor Lo." Chloe replied straight faced, but her eyes danced and her lip quivered betraying her mirth.

"Yeah, a broken leg was not in my vacation plans, but it actually turned out to be the best thing I could have done." She replied with a placid smile.

"Why?" Smallville asked curiously.

"What was his name?" Chloe asked knowingly.

Both their voices rang out at the same time; they turned to look at each other, turned back to Lois and found that she had a crooked half smile on her face "His name was Alex."

"How'd you know Chloe?" Clark asked puzzled.

"No one's going to be happy they've broken a leg on the first day of their vacation, unless a member of the opposite sex is involved." Martha replied without hesitation, and Chloe nodded firmly in accord.

Lois grinned "Very true, if I hadn't met Alex I would have been ticked off that my lovely cruise had started off so ignominiously. As it was, if I hadn't needed a doctor, I wouldn't have met him at all, and that would have been a real shame."

"He was a doctor?"

"Mmm hmm, one of the crew members helped me down to his office, and when Alex walked into the room, every single female hormone in my body sat up and purred. I forgot about my leg, almost forgot my own name, all I could think about was crawling into his lap and kissing every single freckle that I could see. He had hundreds of them, thousands; on his face, his legs and arms…." She trailed off and smiled "I never realised that I liked freckles so much, but I have a very deep fondness for them now."

"What about him?" Martha asked curiously.

"The same" She replied with a light chuckle "My god, I had never been so intensely physically attracted to anyone in my life; it was out and out lust at first sight." She smiled at the two women "Have you ever experienced that?"

"Kind off, but not so intense" Chloe replied wistfully.

"Don't answer mom, we don't wanna know." Smallville put in quickly before Martha could speak, Clark nodded firmly. The girls looked at each other and just shook their heads.

"Tell us later Martha." Lois grinned and the older woman nodded with a conspirational smile.

"So how old was Alex?" Chloe prompted, getting the conversation back on track.

"Well I was just shy of 23 and he was 42."

"He was 19 years older than you?" Clark asked surprised.

"Uh huh, he was worried about taking advantage of me, so I told him that was fine; we could switch roles. I'd be the guy wickedly trying to seduce him into bed, and he could be the girl fighting to protect his virtue." She broke off and giggled.

Chloe snorted, Martha coughed but couldn't help asking "What'd he say?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?" At both women's eager nods, she grinned "He said that I was young and he thought I should think about it, because he didn't want to rush me etc etc. So I heard him out, nodded in understanding, then replied that he was very gallant, very gentlemanly but how about he stop talking a lot of BS, get into my cabin, get his gear off and after we've rolled around naked for a few hours, we could talk about it sensibly, when I could think of something other than just getting his hands on me."

Chloe sniggered and sitting forward eagerly encouraged "And…"

"And as I'd already told him that I was a reporter, he said that maybe we could pretend that he was one of my sources, but he wasn't cooperating so I had to get rough with him. So I grabbed him by the tie, pulled him into my cabin and got rough." Lois' laugh rang out, Chloe and Martha joined in and the three women chortled in amusement. "We had a high old time; between the sway of the ship and the cast on my leg, I wasn't quite steady on my feet, so he had to help me be rough with him."

The men forced themselves to smile, Clark sent his twin a burning look for bringing the conversation up, Smallville shrugged apologetically; both tried to think of how they could change the subject but weren't fast enough.

Once the laughter died down Lois took up the tale once again "He was such a great guy, he was determined to make it his own personal mission to ensure that broken leg or not, I was still going to have a fantastic cruise. One night when the ship was docked he took me to a karaoke bar. Anyway, there we were in this packed bar, and he decided that he was going to get up and sing our song."

"You had a song?" Clark asked with a surprise.

She smirked and nodded "We did after that night; here I'll give you a clue what it was..." She giggled, coughed and began to sing:

_When I was a young boy said put away those young boy ways  
Now that I'm gettin' older, so much older I love all those young boy days  
With a girl like you, with a girl like you  
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby, just me and you  
Come on and make it _

Martha and Chloe smiled huge and joined in the chorus:

_Hurt so good  
Come on baby, make it hurt so good  
Sometimes love don't feel like it should  
You make it...hurt so good _

The three women broke off screaming in laughter, the men coughed and smiled valiantly, wishing the tale was over.

"That was your song?" Chloe asked incredulous between giggles.

"Yep, he said it was perfect for us." Lois nodded and her smile grew even wider "He was winking at me, making all these suggestive moves while singing, and I was just...laughing; I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. Everyone went crazy, people were whistling and cheering and of course singing; I mean it's impossible to hear that song and not join in; oh he was so much fun." She smiled and shook her head lightly in remembrance.

"You weren't worried that he might have romanced one woman on every cruise?" Smallville asked apologetically.

"Nope, what he did when I wasn't on that ship was his business; when I was there his focus and attention was on me and that was enough. The two of us had a fun romantic time and it was great but neither of us was looking for love, so it was all good." She finished with a big smile "By the time the ship pulled back into port, I can't say that I felt terribly rested, and my leg was in plaster, but I felt like a million bucks."

When Chloe's mouth opened, Smallville quickly rushed into speech, hoping to change the subject before she could make an observation or encourage Lois into further confidences "So how did that prevent you from coming back for three years?"

"Well there was no way I was going to sit on a plane for hours on end with my leg in a cast, so I applied for a job at The Emissary newspaper in London. As I couldn't get around very well, the editor put me onto writing the obituaries and the birth announcements..." She broke off and grinned at their looks "Yeah I know, kind of ironic. Anyway, he offered me that with the proviso that I could move into mainstream journalism after my cast was off; and I was happy to accept."

"So a broken leg kept you away for an extra three extra years?" Clark clarified thoughtfully.

"Well initially, then it was the job at the paper, but I wouldn't have applied for it if I hadn't broken my leg, which wouldn't have happened if I hadn't bought the ticket." She paused and cocked her head to the side "It's funny how that works, the Lois in your world either didn't win anything or didn't buy a ticket at all; so she didn't win a trip and consequently came back after two years, I did and came back after five." She finished with a smirk "I think I got the better end of the deal though; I met Alex."

"Hmmm." Smallville was glad that when everything was reversed, Lois wouldn't have met Alex. As he'd told her, he didn't care how many lovers she'd had in the past, they were just that; past. But not caring about them and knowing about them was different, and he was damn glad that a man named Alex wasn't going to be one of them.

When he glanced at his twin again, he saw that Clark felt exactly the same way. The knowing smiles on their mom and Chloe's faces didn't go unnoticed by the men; and neither cared.

Lois grinned in excitement and turned to Smallville "Hey I can tell you what cruise line it was on; with a bit of luck he's also working there in your world, and maybe your Lois could meet him and have a fantastic sexy memory like I've got."

"She's got a boyfriend remember?" He reminded her pointedly.

She nodded and shrugged "Oh right...ah well."

Retreating to the lounge room once the supper dishes were cleared, the TV was switched on for a while before everyone retired for the night.

oOo

Once they were alone, and after ascertaining that Lois was asleep, the men retrieved the book from the study and left. Once the page they needed had been photocopied, they returned to the fortress, placed the book on the kitchen table in Clark's apartment, returned to the farm and went to bed.

One man lay on the couch, the other on the mattress on the floor.

"How long do you think she'll hold out for?"

"Lana?"

"Yeah, you know her better than I do Clark, how long?"

"I don't know but she'll give in because I didn't give her any choice." His lips began to twitch again "I didn't get a chance to tell you this earlier, but I told her that we were going to share Lois."

"What!" Smallville leant up and turned to look down at his twin incredulous, certain that he must have heard incorrectly.

Clark grinned in return "I had to let Lana believe that even if she didn't reverse the spell, that not only would I not go back to her, but that you and I weren't going to lose Lois."

"So you told her that we were going to share her?" Smallville asking, shaking his head "And she believed it?"

He heard the stunned scepticism in his twin's voice and grinned even wider "Yep, I also told her that the spells she did on Lois didn't work, and we were going to tell her everything when I came back to the farm."

Smallville sat up and continued to shake his head "I don't blame you for that, but I can't believe she really thinks that we'd share Lois."

"I know." Clark choked out trying to restrain his laughter.

"Lo would punch us in the mouth for even suggesting it." Smallville replied promptly, but the slight quiver in his voice betrayed his amusement.

"I know." Clark wheezed out "But I was pretty convincing, especially when I told her that Lois would go for it."

"Oh Shit." Smallville's shoulders began to shake, he let out a small squeak, and unable to contain it any longer, he pressed his face hard into his upraised knees and began to laugh.

Hearing the smothered bellows of his twin was more than enough to set Clark off again; he pressed his face into the pillow, and also laughed uproariously.

When the room grew quiet, and their laughter calmed, Smallville wiped his eyes, turned to his twin and grinned "Lois has never been shy, but c'mon."

"Never been shy, that woman could make a merchant marine blush." Clark replied rapidly.

Nodding in accord, Smallville lay back down "God I can't wait to get my pain in the ass, loud mouthed, swears like a trooper, has no finesse, nor a shy bone in her body; fiancée back."

"Me too." Clark replied softly "But you got one thing wrong, she is shy but only..."

"Only about showing affection in public, I know; and that's what makes her so damn sweet." He replied smiling up at the ceiling.

"Yeah it is." Clark concurred, and sighing hugely, smiled.

oOo

_Day: 31st December_

"Morning mom." Clark called out when he walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning sweetie..." Martha replied lifting her cheek for a kiss "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a log." He smiled ruefully "I thought I'd probably be awake for most of the night, but I didn't stir once after drifting off."

She patted his arm in consolation "I think you just needed the rest honey, now that you no longer have to keep up a charade with Lana, your mind didn't have to stay alert around her, so you were able to sleep peacefully."

"Yeah, it feels good mom; for the first time in years I feel good." He said softly.

She smiled and pulled him into a tight hug "I'm glad Clark." She leant back slightly and raked a hand through his hair "The first night my other Clark arrived, I told him that even if seeing him hurt you, I was glad he was here if it helped you to have a better life; little did I know then just how true that was."

He smiled softly in agreement "The first night he was here, I sat in the kitchen at home and thought of how lucky he was that Lana didn't come back to him that day. I was scared that when he left he'd take the dreams with him, and leave me with nothing. Little did I realise that his arrival was my salvation, and I wouldn't need the dreams anymore."

"I think we were both lucky Clark..." At the third voice coming from the doorway the two turned. Smallville stepped over, slipped an arm around his mom's waist and put one hand on his twin's shoulder "We have a mom and a good friend like Chloe who believed us without proof; a lot of people wouldn't have."

Clark nodded in return and at the new voice coming from the stairs, all three turned and smiled.

"Of course we believed you." Chloe put in matter of fact "Clark Kent may be able to move mountains, run like the dickens, and do a lot of other stuff; but he's a lousy liar."

Martha chuckled, the men grinned and a few minutes later all were sitting down eating breakfast.

oOo

Lois sat up in bed, hugged her knees, and looked out the window. She'd felt uneasy since talking to Smallville the previous night, her restless sleep was just further proof that she needed to face the truth as he'd advised her to.

It was time to take a good hard look at everything; herself, her love for Oliver, Kal, the dreams, everything. She couldn't ignore it, make up any more excuses or reasons for why she had the dreams, or write them off as unimportant. She couldn't bury her head in the sand any longer. As she was going to tell Oliver, then he deserved to know the whole truth; so it was past time that she faced everything head on.

Nodding decisively to herself, she pushed aside the covers, got out of bed and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face, and after putting on her robe, retreated downstairs to join everyone.

oOo

"Clark it's almost 8.30 sweetie, what time are you going to take over from J'onn?"

"Straight after breakfast mom, I gave him my phone in case he needed to call us during the night, but told him that if we didn't hear anything then I'd return early-ish to give him a break." He shook his head disappointed "Obviously Lana wasn't ready to admit defeat last night so..."

"You said that you didn't expect her to do it so quickly." She reminded him gently at hearing the cheerless tone in his voice.

Both men nodded dolefully "I know mom, but where there's life there's hope."

Smallville shrugged and nodded "Yeah, I was hoping that I'd wake up and be with Lo again."

Chloe tilted her head and smiled hoping to cheer the men up "You will be soon guys; you said it yourself, once it sinks in that she's lost, Lana will reverse everything because she'll feel more in control if she does it, rather than leaving it up to us."

"I know Chlo." Clark replied softly and smiled gamely at everyone "It doesn't seem real that the nightmare's going to end. For Smallville it's only been two days...well three now, but for me it's been over 6 years."

"Only six?"

"Yeah, I can't say 8 Chlo, because I was happy for the first two years, it was only after that, that I became discontented." He sighed deeply and raked a hand through his hair "Although I'm resentful and angry at what she did, in a way I'm kind of relieved it happened this way instead of another." At their looks of surprise he shrugged disconsolately "I begged Lana to marry me, and if she had done so without using deceit, then I'd be in an even worse position than I am now, because then I wouldn't have any way out." They all nodded in understanding and smiled sympathetically "I know our marriage shouldn't have happened at all, but I can't help wondering if there really is another Clark Kent out there somewhere, who's feeling as miserable and trapped as I did for years. Another Clark who loves Lois but is married to Lana and for him it's a reality not a sham; so he really is stuck. So even knowing the truth, I can't lie and say that I was unhappy for the first two years we were married, god knows I want to, but I can't; I'm just grateful that it's almost over."

"Well hopefully today Lana will give in and do the right thing." She paused and looked between the men in consideration "Smallville, you said that you were hoping to wake up and be with Lois again; meaning you were hoping that while you slept, everything was resolved without any hassle, correct?" He nodded slowly wondering where this was going "Do you really think it will be that easy?" At both men's frowns, she grimaced in apology "Well you said that before you arrived here that you were in excruciating pain, and you now know it's because Clark was ripped out of you. So wouldn't the same thing happen again when you're merged back together?"

The men looked at each other and exhaled heavily "Yeah more than likely, I didn't think of that."

"Sorry."

Smallville quickly shook his head in rebuttal "Don't be Chlo, at least by your mentioning it, I won't be caught off guard like last time. Anyway, if that's the price I have to pay to get Lois and my life back then it's worth it."

"This time we might both feel it, and if that's the case then I agree; it'll be worth it." Clark tacked on quietly.

Martha looked at Smallville "Sweetie, you said that when the pain first started, that you were still able to fly, it was only when it got really bad that your powers started to drain, correct?"

"Yeah, I was able to get here but it wasn't easy; I could feel my powers depleting and had to use all my concentration just to keep flying and stay conscious."

She reached out and picked up a hand of each man "I hope that neither of you have to go through that, but if either of you start feel bad then I want one of you to fly to the fortress as fast as you can, and destroy the book."

"It'll be best if you go together; then you'll be in the same vicinity." Chloe encouraged with soft smile.

"We didn't need to be around each other before Chlo." Smallville put in with a small frown.

"I know, but if you go together, then you can help each other make it to the fortress if need be, and if you are together then the chances of something going wrong are lessened."

Both men nodded and after blowing out deep breath, Smallville turned to his twin "It hurts like nothing you've ever felt before Clark, think of Kryptonite factor 10 and that's what it's like." He smiled contritely and shrugged "It is worth it, but it's not a walk in the park, so be prepared just in case."

"I will." Clark nodded with a faint smile "If everything works out, then the last 8 years are wiped out, correct?"

His twin shook his head in rebuttal "Not wiped out because the years between 2007 and 2015 have passed, but everything will right itself. So if for example Lana reverses everything today, then either it'll still be today in 2015, or it'll be like no time has passed since I first came here, but either way the original timeline will be reset. We'll be merged back together, and none of us should have any memories of this."

"None at all?" Chloe questioned with a slight frown.

He shook his head once again "No; because in the real or original timeline we didn't marry Lana. We left to do the training, returned and became reporters at the Planet, became Superman, and got engaged to Lois. So that's the timeline we'll all remember."

The two women looked at each other in worry, and in unison turned back to the men "Make sure you destroy the book." Chloe put in firmly.

Martha nodded just as firmly in accord "Yes, please make sure you do that sweeties. At the first sign of trouble, don't worry about coming to tell us, don't worry about anything, just get to the fortress and destroy it. If no one's going to remember any of this, and the book is still in existence then Lana will have it once again."

The men vowed to do as instructed, and all continued eating breakfast when the last member of the household joined them.

"Good morning." Lois called out, helping herself to coffee and a bowl of oatmeal before taking a seat at the table.

"Since it was quiet last night and you're still here, I'm assuming the junk's still sitting in the field intact?" Lois addressed Smallville with quirked brow.

"Uh huh." He tilted his head in agreement.

She sighed and looked at everyone "So what are we doing today?"

Knowing that he couldn't very well tell Lois that he was going to keep an eye on Lana, Clark promptly lied "Well straight after breakfast I'm heading to the feed store, the farmers market, and a few other places like that, which is going to keep me busy for a while."

"As you know there's always something to do on a farm, and since I don't want to be away in case the wall comes down, I'm going to stay here and keep busy." Smallville said next.

Martha smiled in turn "First I'm going to give the house a good winter cleaning, then I'll make lunch, and after that I'm going to put my feet up and rest."

"I'll help Martha, and if J'onn and Dianna come back today, then I'll ditch her to stick with them and talk over ideas about sending Smallville home." Chloe turned to the older woman and smiled apologetically "You don't mind Martha?"

"Of course not dear, if you ditching me is going to help my boy then I'm all for it." She returned honestly.

Lois looked at all in turn and sipped her coffee "Well I'm not interested in tagging along to the farmers market, so Clark you're on your own. As I don't want to do farm chores, the same goes for you Smallville..." She turned to the women and smiled "I'll also help you clean the house Martha, and afterwards I'll join Chloe, J'onn and Dianna...if they come back today that is." She paused and smiled at the two women "Who knows, while we're otherwise occupied, one of us might come up with something brilliant to send Smallville home."

They grinned in return, and once breakfast was done, Lois rose to her feet "Ok, well I'm just going up for a shower and I'll be back down shortly." At her cousin's rude snort, she sniffed "Fine, I'll be back in about an hour."

After Lois was safely in the shower, Clark rose to his feet and picked up the phone "I'm just going to call J'onn, ask him if he has anything to share with everyone, and if not then I'm off." He quickly punched buttons and after a quick conversation, turned back to address everyone "There's nothing, so I'm going to take over for J'onn. I'll see you all later, ok?"

They wished him good luck, and with a quick wave, he stepped out the door to stand on the porch going through his options. He couldn't fly since it was daylight, he couldn't take the truck since he didn't want Lana to know that he was spying on her, and he couldn't leave the truck here as Lois thought he was out and about conducting farm business. His only recourse was to take the truck somewhere and ditch it.

Jumping into the vehicle, he thought for a moment then drove to the farmers market. This was the safest alternative he had; if anyone saw the truck they'd just assume he was doing errands. He pulled into a parking spot, got out, waved and called out greetings to friends and neighbours, walked to the back of the building, and after ensuring the coast was clear; ran.

He paused before nearing the house to x-ray inside, and finding that Lana was still in bed, ran to the backyard. At the tap on his shoulder, he turned around and smiled at seeing nothing there.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Today was the last day of 2015, tonight millions of people around the world would celebrate the closing of the old year and heralding in the new. She didn't want to celebrate anything; it hurt to know that while she was suffering, the world wasn't mourning with her.

How was it possible that while the life she'd built so painstakingly over the last 8 was shattering, and the man she'd loved for even longer had left her; that life still went on?

She didn't want to open her eyes and face the new day. Although she'd barely gotten any sleep the previous night, at dawns first light she'd closed her eyes, and wanted to keep them closed now. Clark's face swam in her mind's eye; seeing the way he used to look at her so devotedly when they were at school, the joy on his face the first time she told him of her love, the happiness he couldn't hide when they were dating, and the promise of everlasting love in his expression when he recited the vows of marriage. Although she'd tried to ignore it, hoped that it would soon pass, for years all she'd seen when he looked at her was weariness, despondency and disinterest. But even that was gone, washed away; leaving behind only anger, resentment and pain.

Her eyes creaked open, flicked to the clock, saw that it was almost 9am, and closed once again. She didn't have to worry about making excuses for not going to work, it didn't matter if she didn't bother having a shower, putting on make-up and dressing prettily because her husband wasn't there and didn't care either way. Clark was gone, and everything hurt.

oOo

"Let's move a few feet away." Clark cautioned quietly. Once the two men were standing behind the back shed J'onn rematerialised.

"Has she thought of reversing the spell J'onn?" He asked quietly.

"No my friend, she has been too distressed to think of anything other than you."

Clark rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and sighed "J'onn..."

His friend held up a hand to stop the flow of words "Clark, I am not trying to make you feel guilty, I don't believe you have any reason to feel that way; I am just telling you that at the moment, you are the only thing on her mind."

He nodded and sighed once again "Yeah, but the thing is J'onn I don't feel guilty and as much as I don't want to admit it, that makes me feel heartless."

J'onn patted him on the shoulder "You are not heartless Clark, if you were you wouldn't feel that way at all. You don't like wounding someone even when it's warranted, but don't ever apologise for having compassion my friend."

He smiled weakly in reply "I didn't have much compassion when I confronted Lana last night, but I feel bad now. Not for what I said or for leaving her because I think I was justified in that, but because I know how she's feeling at the moment. I know how it feels to love someone so much that when you lose them, it feels like your whole worlds falling apart."

"Lois." J'onn replied compassionately.

"Yes." Clark replied simply then gestured with his head "Why don't you go onto the farm, have some breakfast and a sleep..."

"I wish to study the spell first." J'onn cut in quietly.

"After you eat and have a sleep..." He corrected firmly and when his friends mouth opened he continued talking "...and don't bother saying you'll do that later, because mom won't let you get away with that excuse. At the moment it's all quiet so you don't have to stay awake for any particular reason, I'm here and if it looks like Lana's getting ready to do anything I'll give you a call to come over, but at least if you rest now then you'll be more alert when we do need you."

J'onn's lips quirked in acknowledgment "I would not pay the slightest heed to anything you said, but would instead go back to the farm and work on the spell if it wasn't for one reason."

He grinned in amusement "Let me guess; the threat of mom not letting you."

J'onn ginned and nodded "I too had a mother like yours, so know that I would not win if I try to argue with her."

"Nope." Clark replied amused and after taking the cell phone that J'onn held out, titled his head goodbye, propped his shoulder against the shed wall, x-rayed through the house to find Lana was still in bed, and hoped that her conscience would kick in sooner rather than later.

oOo

"Honey, while Lois is in the shower move the mattress Clark used last night into the den, then J'onn can have a sleep in there, and afterwards study the spell without Lois knowing about it."

He nodded but frowned lightly "I know we can't tell Lois that he's sleeping with the excuse that he was out all night on an emergency since there's nothing on the news, but later on, how are we going to fool her into thinking that he's just arrived, if he's already here?"

Chloe chewed her lip thoughtfully "J'onn can move through solid objects right?" He nodded and smiled in understanding "So all he has to do is pass through the walls until he's outside, and then knock on the door as if he's just arrived."

The two smiled pleased with the solution and when J'onn arrived a few minutes later, he was promptly seated at the kitchen table. A bowl of hot oatmeal was placed in front of him, along with a steaming cup of coffee. The three took seats at the table, and while he ate, brought him up to date on what they had discussed after he'd left the previous night.

Sipping his coffee, he sat back in his chair and nodded "Taking the book to the fortress for safekeeping was a good idea. At the moment Lana is in a lot of pain; she is only thinking of how she has lost Clark, but I have dealt with people for a long time and it is best to be cautious. Some people turn their pain into anger and lash out; others use it as a shield to never be hurt like that again, while others use it constructively to help their fellow man. At the moment we do not know how Lana is going to react. I would like to think that she will come to look beyond herself, to realise that she took that which wasn't hers and do the right thing, but until we know for sure it is best to be careful.

"What do you think the odds are of Lana doing the right thing?"

He sighed and shook his head "I do not know Martha, even though she has convinced herself that she was only righting a wrong when she changed the past to marry Clark; she must have known deep down that what she was doing wasn't right, but did it anyway. From reading her and from what you have all told me, I do not get the feeling that she would have changed things back if she hadn't been found out. She has been scared for a long time that either Lois would remember and take Clark away from her, or that her husband would leave her for Lois one day, and her fear increased tenfold when Smallville arrived, but even with all this, she still did not contemplate reversing the spell at any time, but instead looked for ways to keep that which she had already taken."

Martha ran a hand through her hair and looked at her son "Well hopefully now that she's been exposed, Lana will do the right thing sweetie, but if she doesn't, we have the spell and J'onn will keep looking for a way to reverse it."

He nodded slightly and smiled "I know mom, but I feel confident that she will. She did let Lois come back last month after I told her no, and now that Clark's told her the same thing, she'll give in again. She doesn't know that we've got someone who can read her mind, and is ready to give us warning so that we can destroy the book; so more than likely she'll think that if she reverses the spell, that she'll get the book back."

"So that she can try again?" Chloe asked rhetorically.

He bobbed his head lightly "Exactly, as J'onn just pointed out, she's hurting and only thinking about how she's lost Clark. She's not even thinking about what she did, or how she's cheated both him and me over the last 8 years."

Sighing once again Martha turned to her guest and smiled "Well, why don't you go and have a sleep and if Clark calls in the meantime, we'll come and wake you up."

He didn't bother arguing, just nodded, thanked her for the breakfast, rose and left the room.

"Well I'd better go outside and keep busy, call me if you need me mom." At her nod, Smallville stepped outside the back door, and began the process of feeding and watering the animals, cleaning out cages, and keeping busy with other farm chores. For the first time in memory, he actually looked forward to feeling a pain more agonising than any he'd ever felt before, but at least when it was over, his life and love would be restored to him again.

oOo

When Lois returned downstairs, the three women convened in the lounge room, and after getting a list of chores that needing doing, they split up. Martha retreated upstairs to the bedrooms, Chloe to the back part of the house, containing the guest parlour and den where J'onn was currently sleeping, and Lois to the kitchen and lounge room.

While cleaning Lois' mind kept churning. She'd wanted to think everything through and this was the best way to do it. Keeping busy physically, while her mind could turn everything over mentally was the way she tended to solve most problems. She wasn't one to sit around on her keister contemplating her navel, so was glad that she had plenty of work to keep her hands productive.

An hour later she looked around the kitchen, saw that everything was almost sparkling and decided to stop for a smoke before moving onto the lounge room. She had just stepped towards the back door when Martha's voice halted her tracks.

"How about we take a break, and have a cup of coffee with some cake or cookies?"

"I was just going for a cigarette, but would love a coffee afterwards." Lois smiled gratefully.

Looking around the room, Martha smiled in return "Sweetie the kitchen is almost gleaming in the morning sunlight, thank you."

"Don't bother thanking me Martha; I've gatecrashed here enough so it's about time that I cleaned up as well." Lois chuckled lightly.

"Nonsense, you've helped me plenty of times." The older woman rebuked softly "I'll put the kettle on and call Chloe; and would you mind calling in Clark dear."

"No problem." With a last smile, Lois headed to the back door and stepped outside. After looking in all directions, she followed the sound of hammering, and found him in the pasture behind the barn fixing one of the fences.

"Smallville..." When he looked up curiously, she thumbed over her shoulder "Your mom said to tell you that she's putting on the kettle, so if you want a cup of coffee and cake now's your chance."

"Thanks Lo." He finished hammering in the nail, grabbed a cloth to wipe his hands and walked with her back to the house, but paused when Lois didn't walk up the back stairs with him "Aren't you coming?"

"I'm going to have a smoke, so I'll be in soon." He nodded; she waved airily and continued around to the front of the house.

Stepping into the kitchen, he took a seat at the table, and looked at his mom when she began to speak "Sweetie, after we've finished would you mind taking Clark some coffee and cake. I don't want him to go hungry."

He smiled in amusement and gently reminded her "We don't actually have to eat mom; we only do so because we enjoy it but..."

"I know but I still don't like the idea of my sons not eating when I am." She returned firmly and hearing the intractable tone in her voice, he gave in gracefully.

"I'll take it now while Lois is having her cigarette, otherwise she'll wonder why I'm leaving the house with food, when Clark's supposed to be at the markets right now." Nodding in agreement, Martha quickly made up a thermos of coffee, Chloe put a slice of cake and a few biscuits in a container, and just as Smallville stepped out the back door, Lois stepped back inside the house from the front.

oOo

Upon reaching Clark's house, Smallville quickly x-rayed around, found his twin behind the shed in back and raced to where he was currently stationed.

"Is something wrong?" Clark quickly got to his feet, but at his twins quick headshake relaxed once again.

"Mom just wanted me to bring you some coffee and food so that you didn't go hungry." He replied handing over the thermos and container.

"We don't need to eat..." Clark began only to stop when his twin held up a hand "I know that and you know that, but we both know mom."

Grinning in brother-ship, the two men grinned at each other.

"So is she doing anything interesting?" Smallville asked gesturing with his head towards the house.

Clark shook his head and blew out a deep breath "No, she only got out of bed half an hour ago, and she's now having a shower..." Taking a quick look into the house he nodded "She's still in the shower."

"Is she still crying or has she moved past that?"

"If you mean has she started to call me every filthy name under the sun then no, if she did that then I'd feel like we were getting somewhere. I was hoping she'd become angry that I didn't appreciate what she did for us to be together, and reverse the spell in disgust or something similar. You know what Lana's like, so that's pretty much what I expected." Smallville rolled his eyes and bobbed his head in agreement. Clark swiped a hand over his face and gestured "Well I hate to say it, but it looks like we're in for the long haul; she seems to be stuck in depression."

"Shit; depression means that she won't wanna do anything." Smallville replied frustrated.

"I know." He agreed disheartened.

"Well J'onn said that even though she was devastated at my refusal last month, she did eventually give in and let Lois return." He put in hopefully.

Clark snorted rudely "Yeah, but what do you think the odds are, that she's ready to lose again so soon?"

"It was only last month for me, but almost another lifetime for her..." When Clark's mouth opened, he rushed on "Yeah, she's kept the memories sharp, but it still must feel like a long time ago for her."

Clark thought about it for a minute and sighed "I hope so."

Patting his twin on the shoulder Smallville thumbed over his shoulder "Well I'd be getting back, give us call if you need anything."

Bobbing his head in agreement, Clark got comfortable once again, poured some coffee, reached for a cookie and continued to keep watch on his wife.

oOo

After morning tea was finished, Smallville once again retreated outside, and the ladies went back to their chores. Looking around the lounge room with satisfaction an hour later, Lois rubbed her back, stretched then plopped down on the couch.

She hadn't come up with anything brilliant, near good or downright sucky to send Smallville home. She hadn't come up with anything at all because her mind had been completely occupied with the dreams, Kal, Oliver and her feelings regarding all three.

She tilted her head back and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh.

"Lois dear are you alright?" At the sound of Martha's voice, Lois looked over and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm just taking a nice break after cleaning the lounge room." She smiled and patted the sofa "Why don't you take a load off and sit for a few minutes."

"That's not a bad idea." Martha replied taking a seat, and resting her feet on the coffee table "Don't tell my boys you've seen me doing this, since I'm always telling them not to put their feet up."

Grinning in agreement, the two ladies sat quietly, enjoying the peace and quiet. Turning to the older woman Lois cocked her head to the side "It's kind of weird to think there are other uses in another universe huh?"

"Yes it is; but I like that in both worlds, although things are different, everyone is still essentially the same." Martha replied softly "You, Chloe and Clark are still close, and that makes me very happy; my son was no slouch when it came to picking good friends."

"Well he didn't exactly pick me, I just landed on your doorstep and wouldn't leave; being that I'm Chloe's cousin he was stuck." Lois laughed in remembrance.

"Nonsense, he was very happy to have you around." The older woman smiled.

"Uh huh, you do remember when all he wanted was to get rid of me right?" She knocked the older woman's arm with her own, smiling in amusement.

"Well yes but that was also when he had the bad taste to fancy Lana." Martha felt the colour crawl up her neck when the words popped out unthinking.

Lois let out a surprised shout of laughter "Martha Kent, I'm surprised at you." She giggled softly at the flush that stained the older woman's cheeks "So now the truth comes out."

"Oh dear, I shouldn't have said that." The elder Kent blushed fiercely "Please excuse me."

"It's ok; I won't say anything." She replied with a quiet chuckle "Did you ever like her?"

"I tried to for my son's sake, but she didn't make it easy." Martha replied honestly.

"No she didn't." Lois affirmed with a quick head shake "Feeling obligated to like someone is bloody awful."

"Yes it is." Martha agreed with a soft smile "But he'll be happy now, really happy and that's enough for me." She reached over and picked up the younger woman's hand "I know that you were angry when they got married dear, I remember that night; can I ask now if what you said then was the only reason you were so angry."

"It wasn't the only reason, but it was a large part of it, and I meant what I said. However, I was also angry because Clark had been such a jerk just to get Lana's attention, so I couldn't help wondering how low he'd sink just to keep her once they were married." She shrugged and sighed heavily "As you know that night I didn't hold back on how I felt about Lana or his behaviour..." Martha nodded "I thought it was a shame that this guy who could be so nice most of the time, could just as easily be so careless with others just for her sake. I couldn't understand what he found so enthralling about Lana that he was willing to give up his integrity for her; I still don't." Her lips twisted softly "Maybe I don't love Ollie enough, but I would never give up my honour for him. I think if I did, eventually it would destroy something within me, and I'd end up hating myself too much to be able to love him." She finished quietly.

"You would." Martha replied, squeezing her hand before letting it got with a last pat "What you said that night shook him you know. We talked about it afterwards and I think what you said helped him to see the road that he was heading down." She smiled meditatively "You weren't around for long after they were married, so probably don't realise that he didn't change because he grew out of his feelings for Lana. I think after the two of you had words, he took a good hard look at himself and didn't like what he saw, because I noticed a change in him after that night."

Lois shrugged uncomfortably "When we made up he told me that what I said was harsh but true, and he was going to stop his crappy behaviour; but regardless of everything, I still wish they'd had a happy ending."

"I know you do dear but they couldn't have, because they were all wrong for each other right from the beginning." Martha replied softly, before patting Lois leg "Well I'd better get lunch started; I thought we'd have homemade hamburgers and fries; what'd you think?"

"That sounds great; I'll give you a hand." Standing and stretching the two women moved into the kitchen and were shortly joined by Chloe.

"I'm done Martha would you like a hand with lunch?"

"Thank you dear, we're having hamburgers and fries. I'll make up the patties if you two will start peeling the potatoes, cutting up the tomatoes, etc."

Nodding in accord, the kitchen was soon busy with activity. At the knock on the front door, Lois went to answer and pulling the door open, greeted Dianna.

"Hi, come in." Waving her friend inside, she walked with her back to the kitchen "We're just making lunch, would you like some coffee?"

"No but thank you for asking; would you like some help?"

"Nah we're good, so just make yourself comfortable and keep us company." Chloe replied with a quick smile.

Dianna nodded, took a seat at the kitchen table, and the four women chatted pleasantly of nothing in particular.

Shortly thereafter; J'onn likewise arrived, Smallville returned to the house and within 30 minutes lunch was served.

oOo

"Lunch was lovely Martha, thank you." Dianna smiled at the older woman.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, but they were just hamburgers and fries." She replied apologetically.

"Yeah and they just were great." Smallville chimed in, and when everyone added their own praises Martha smiled pleased.

Once the table was cleared, and the kitchen was spotless, everyone bar Lois re-took their seats to enjoy desert and a cup of coffee "I feel like stretching my legs so I'll have desert in a little while, would you like me to check if there's any mail Martha?"

"Please." Nodding, she opened the door and stepped outside.

"Sweetie I put Clark's lunch aside earlier, can you please take it to him after we're finished?"

"Sure mom." Smallville nodded, and didn't waste time arguing about their not needing to eat.

The five of them chatted while enjoying their desert, and when coffee was served each sat back enjoying light-hearted congenial conversation.

Chloe turned to her friend "So Smallville, I guess you're really looking forward to being Superman again huh?"

He bobbed his head agreeably "Yeah, it's amazing how much you miss the normal routine when it's taken away." He smiled and held out his hand in a gesture "Y'know, like the crazies who wanna take over the world..."

"The nut jobs who are ticked off because someone's taken their parking space." Dianna tacked on cheerfully.

"The wackos who threaten to blow up the local coffee shop because they can only get a small, instead of a jumbo, super grande late." Martha intoned seriously with twitching lips.

"The weirdo's who start a riot at Barney's yearly sale when they miss out on a bargain." Chloe paused and cocked her brow "Are we talking about Lois or real lunatics here?"

"Isn't that six of one; half a dozen of the other?" Smallville guffawed lightly, then pretended to wipe a tear from his eye "Gees guys; you're making me yearn even more for the daily routine of trouble and mayhem that only living with Lois can entail."

They chuckled lightly, but stopped abruptly when his face became solemn and he held up a hand for silence.

"Sweetie what's wrong?" When he didn't answer, Martha reached over and patted his hand "Clark."

"Its Lois, she's talking to me...to Kal." He corrected with a quick head shake, and pushing back his chair, he swiftly strode to the door, and stepped outside.

He came to a halt at the top of the back stairs, his hand gripped the railing, and his eyes locked onto his beloved standing at the head of the driveway. As she was facing the road, he couldn't see her face, but he could hear her voice, and his heart thumped hard at every word she uttered.

oOo

Lois checked the mail box, saw that it was empty and looked back down the driveway to the house. This was far enough away that no one would be able to hear her, and privacy was what she really needed right now. She leant back against the fence, blew out a deep breath and began talking quietly "Kal, I don't know if you're real or not; I can't seem to decide yes or no either way, but if you are, and you can hear me, then please listen." She paused for a moment, shook off the feeling of absurdity and continued softly "I've been dreaming about you for years. In my dreams at first I considered you nothing more than a friend, then I came to love you and realised that you were everything to me. Wide awake however**,** I tried to put you in a box labelled fantasy; just a harmless little whim that wasn't important to me or my life. But when I got back together with Oliver I wanted the dreams to stop, I wanted you to go away but you refused to be banished."

She sighed, raked a hand through her hair and looked down "You don't know how stupid I feel talking to you about this, especially since I feel like I'm talking to myself, but if I don't do it now, I never will; and I need to. I was talking to a friend of mine last night, and he said that I had to ask myself what was the significance of my dreams, and what did they mean to me. So that's what I've been doing. I've spent the morning turning everything over and I think I finally understand." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly "I think subconsciously I made you up as a projection of all my past relationships that didn't work out, so that I wouldn't let myself get suckered in and hurt once again." She frowned lightly, and blinked away the tears that filled her eyes "I don't love Ollie as much as my dream self loves you, but I think that's because in dreams you can't really be hurt; so it was safer to love you, than to take a chance and give my heart completely to him."

She swallowed back the tears that clogged her throat, lifted her head and gazed at the fields across the road "I know this is extremely illogical, but for the longest time I thought...no I believed that we had been together, and you loved me, but not enough to stay. I know that didn't really happen, but I think it is why I used you to symbolise all my failed relationships, and in particular the men who had walked away before. It's also partly why I never wanted to tell Ollie; because he had been one of them. The other reason is that I was scared Kal; it's that's simple." Her lips crooked in small humourless smile "I've never been afraid of putting my life on the line for a story, but giving my heart to someone else's safe keeping was a different matter. Love is easy, but need is harder, and I never wanted to need anyone so much that I'd feel crippled if they left me, so I jealously guarded my heart because it was safe."

She coughed to relieve the restriction in her throat, and shaking her head, blinked away the tears that filled her eyes "I've been selfishly holding onto you all this time, so that I'd still have someone if Ollie left again. That wasn't only cowardly but he doesn't deserve it. Oliver healed my heart; he's given me faith that love really can last, so it's ok to be scared with him." She paused to wipe shaking fingers over her brow and continued "I feel really ridiculous saying all of this, and even more so for what I'm about to say, but I think I have to say it out loud; so here goes..." Her breath hitched but she gamely finished "I'm setting you free Kal, and asking you to do the same for me. I'm tired of being torn between a fantasy and reality, I just want peace. I want to love Ollie completely, and I can't do that as long as you're there. So please don't come to me in the dreams anymore, please just let me go." She closed her eyes and whispered "Goodbye Kal."

Smallville's heart ached when Lois rationalised him away as nothing more than an echo of all the men who hadn't been strong enough to love her. It began to pound when she asked him to let her go, but as the last two words faded from her lips, the fist that had slowly been tightening around his heart clenched tight. Shaking his head in refusal, he raced up the driveway, and came to stop a couple of feet behind her.

"No."

Lois stilled at the voice. She'd felt the small gust of wind at her back, surreptitiously pinched her arm and at the tiny sting she knew that she wasn't dreaming. There was no possible way that Kal could be standing behind her, but she was frightened to turn around and look all the same.

He firmed his voice and repeated "I said no, Lois."

She took a deep breath, and turned around to find one of the Clark's standing behind her. Letting out her breath in a soft woosh, she smiled shakily and hoped that she looked a lot more carefree without, than she presently felt within "I'm pretty sure you must be Smallville since I didn't hear Clark's truck go past, but I wasn't paying much attention so um..." She shook her head and waved her hand "...sorry I'm talking nonsense. Let's go back to the house so I can have some coffee, and stop rambling."

He ignored her words, unwilling to pretend any longer "Clark and I never told you our alien name did we?" At her slight frown, he kept his eyes straight on hers and continued softly "It's Kal-el."

"Excuse me."

"I said my name is Kal-el, but in your dreams you call me Kal." At the upset on her face, he sighed heavily "Lois..."

She held up a hand forestalling his words "I don't know if you think it's funny to mock me about this, but I don't appreciate it; especially right now."

He shook his head minutely "I'm not mocking you Lo, I really am Kal-el and so is Clark."

Her lips tightened, but instead of answering she stepped around him, and began to walk back to the house but stopped at his next words.

"Lois I'm not lying."

She spun around and glared at him angrily "Fine you're Kal, which means that you must have heard me just now, so I'll say it again; goodbye." Spinning on her heel, she continued to walk down the driveway.

He knew that sooner or later Lana would reverse the spell, or they'd find the answer and do it themselves, so it shouldn't matter whether Lois believed him or not, it shouldn't matter that she was intent on walking away from him, but it did matter. It mattered a lot. He could never accept goodbye from her with equanimity, that would be tantamount to admitting defeat, and he couldn't do that.

He hurried to catch up, stepped in front of her and held his stance "No."

"No what?" Lois asked frustrated.

"No, I'm going to let you just walk away without even trying to make you understand." He replied firmly.

"Understand what, that you're Kal?" She sneered lightly.

"Yes, I'm Kal and so is Clark." He replied patiently.

"Well I understand now, so thanks for explaining; are we finished?" She asked politely.

"No, we're not finished. I know you don't believe me..."

"Why would you even think that, I mean what's not to believe?" She cut in sarcastically.

"Lois I was sitting at the kitchen table when I heard you talking to me." He replied steadily.

"I was talking to myself, you might not know this but I do that a lot."

"You were talking to Kal."

"He's...not...real." She gritted out between clenched teeth.

"Yes I am." Smallville insisted, raking a hand through his hair in frustration "All the powers that Kal has; so do Clark and me. Every dream that you've had about Kal and you, was about us."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She frowned and shook her head uncomprehending "You're from an alternate universe and we only met a few days ago. Clark has been physically married to Lana for the last 8 years, the two of you were mentally married to her while still in the womb, and I've never been involved with either of you."

"Yes you have." He looked her in the eye knowing it was time for the full truth "I'm not from an alternate universe Lois. This is my world, Clark and I are the same man; and we've all been lying to you about that." When her eyes shot sparks, he nodded in confirmation "I don't blame you for being angry, but will you just let me explain what's really going on and why we did it?"

"Why bother, you've obviously gotten your jollies having a good laugh at my expense." She replied tightly.

"Believe me, no one was laughing, that's the last thing anyone's felt like doing; we had our reasons for not telling you the truth even though we wanted to. Will you please just give me a chance to explain everything to you now?" He asked quietly.

"I'm not interested. Since you told me that you and Clark are the same man, then you'll know that we weren't all that close years ago. As such you might not remember this, so I'm going to help you out." She looked at him dead in the eye, and continued slowly ensuring that he understood "I never cared if you had secrets or not, that was your business, and god knows you never had a problem telling me to mind my own back in the day. Telling me to back off I can respect, lying to my face just ticks me off. So if you think that I'm just going to stand here, and listen while you heap even more rubbish on top of what you've already told me, then it just goes to prove that you don't know me any better now, than you ever did."

She turned away once again, but this time was stopped by his hand on her arm "I know you a lot better than you think Lois, there's very little about you that I don't know." He paused and let go of her arm "I knew that you'd be angry and I didn't like lying to you, but I did have a reason, so please just hear me out."

She sighed and dropped her head before looking over her shoulder "Why?"

"Because I don't want you to go away hurt or angry thinking that we didn't trust you, it had nothing to do with trust ..." He stopped when she held her hand up.

"Being a general's daughter I learnt to keep secrets almost from the cradle. There are a lot of things I've never told anyone, not even Ollie. That had nothing to do with trust but keeping other peoples confidences. When it comes to my own business, that's exactly what it is; my own. I've always kept my own counsel and shared only what I want, with those I trust or feel the closest to. Clark, and you by the same standard are people that I've kept things from, just as both of you have with me. We were never each other's confidant, that doesn't mean we weren't friends; it just means there are some things that are no one's business but your own, until you want to share them." She paused and finished softly "I know when you were younger, Lana and Chloe gave you a hard time about telling them everything about yourself, I didn't agree with them for the reasons that I've just stated. Don't ever spill your guts to someone just to hold on to them, that's a very foolish thing to do, and once done you can't take it back."

"I don't want to take this back, there's a lot you don't understand because you don't know about it, but I want you to." He took a deep breath "I need you to Lois."

She looked at him searchingly, before nodding "Ok, but I don't want to hear any crap about you being Kal alright?"

"I can't promise that."

"Then forget it." She said with finality and began to walk away once again; without thinking he reached out, spun her around and into his arms. His mouth locked onto hers, his arms tightened, but when she pushed against his shoulders he let her go "What the hell are you doing?"

Good question, he silently berated himself "I'm sorry, I just wanted..." He trailed of wondering what in the hell he could say now.

"Just wanted what? I'm engaged to Oliver and I don't believe in screwing around; morality maybe flexible to you but it's not to me." She replied angrily.

"It's not for me either Lois."

"Yeah right, and your track record to date proves that doesn't it. First it was Lana when she was engaged to Lex and now it's me. Do you always have to go after other guys girls; is it the thrill of cheating that turns you on?" She demanded acidly.

"I wasn't cheating Lois and neither were you." He replied steadily "Three days ago you were my fiancée"

She looked at him like he was slightly unbalanced, and took a step back "I'm engaged to Oliver."

"You're engaged to Oliver now, but you shouldn't be and that's one of the things I need to explain to you." He reached out to take her hand, but dropped his when she drew back "I know that you're confused, and I can tell you why." When her mouth opened, he shook his head quickly "No Lo, it's not because of what I'm saying, it's because Lana's messed with your head, in the same way that she's messed with both mine and Clark's lives."

"I'm not confused, but I think you are." She replied slowly "Lana's done nothing to me, nor has she done anything to you. The only one that's been directly affected by her is Clark, and considering that he's left her, then I'd say that she's the one who's messed up right now." She hesitated before continuing "Maybe being in this world has...I'm sorry, but maybe it's playing with your mind and..."

"This is my world." He reminded her gently "I am Kal and I can prove it to you."

"I don't think so."

"I can." He pressed his lips together and tried to smile but found the effort difficult "I can tell you everything that's happened in your dreams, everything that you and Kal have talked about, or done together that no one except the two of you two know about." He paused for a beat before continuing, and heard her heart begin to hammer heavily at his words "I can tell you about your first date, the first time you kissed, how you got scared and ran when he told you of his love, all your fights..."

Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widened, her hand lifted to her breast, and shaking off her alarm, she took a step back "Don't say anything more."

"Lois, just look inside your heart and you'll know that I'm right. You're heads rejecting it, but your heart knows the truth."

She shook her head stubbornly "I know the truth."

"No you don't, you only know the fabrication that you've been living with for the past 8 years."

"You're trying to tell me that my life is a lie?"

"Yes." He replied softly "The dreams you've been having are your real life, they are the truth; and the life you're living now is the lie."

"Well this lie seems pretty real to me, so if it's it's all the same to you, I'll stick with it." Lois replied calmly.

"And you're just going to brush off the dreams, even though you've told me yourself that you can't discount their veracity?"

She heard the disappointed tone in his voice, and decided it was time to remind him that she wasn't a starry eyed dreamer, and never had been "I'm not interested in living in the Twilight Zone Smallville, I prefer to live in this plane of reality; so yeah, I'll stick with the lie, and leave the dreaming to you."

"Lois I can prove it to you if you'll let me."

"Prove what; that you're Kal?" She swiped a hand through her hair irritated "Smallville listen to me carefully; I'm not interested in dreams or in letting them rule my life. I prefer facts; reality not fantasy."

"We are the reality Lois."

"I don't know what you're talking about, but if you're trying to say that we belong together then one, I don't care, two, I don't believe you and three, I don't care." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly "Now, I'm going to marry Oliver and spend my life with him ok?"

He ignored her last statement and stuck to the matter at hand "I have a lot to tell you and I want you to listen to me, that's all I'm asking Lois; just that you hear me out."

She closed her eyes in aggravation "Smallville..."

"Please."

Her eyes opened and seeing the resolve on his face, knew that he wasn't going to stop until she listened "Fine, but when you're finished I want that to be the end of it, alright?"

The finality, the slight edge of frustration in her voice finally broke through the composure that he'd been trying to hold onto "No! God Lois don't you understand that I'm fighting for my life, our life together." He asked impatiently.

"No I don't understand; I don't get what the point of this is." She returned in the same tone.

"We were cheated Lois, our lives were stolen; don't you get that?" He yelled in frustration.

"My life wasn't stolen." She yelled back before dragging in a deep breath. When she next spoke, her voice was more temperate but just as firm "I know my life, I know what I've done, all the mistakes and choices I've made; both the good and the bad. Your life might have been stolen but mine wasn't."

"Yes it was." He returned inflexibly "We were engaged Lois, we were happy and we were going to be married next year."

"I'm happy now."

"You were happier with me."

"Of course you'd say that, for some reason you've got a bee in your bonnet about us, and nothing I say is going to budge it." She blew out a soft breath and rubbed shaking fingers over her brow "Look obviously something's wrong with you, so I think we should just go back to the house and hopefully someone there can help you."

"We were engaged Lois."

"Whatever." Shaking her head in frustration she turned away again, only to be swung around and into his arms.

He ignored her resistance, tightened his arms around her waist as his mouth locked possessively onto hers. When she gasped, his tongue swept inside plundering and claiming every corner and crevice for his own. Lois fought against him for a moment longer before finally giving into the desire rushing through her veins, and then she was clinging to him as tightly as he was holding her. His hands smoothed up and down her back, her fingers gripped into his hair. His lips lifted for less than a heart-beat before he was kissing her again. Their mouths moved against each others, changed angles but never quite parted as the kiss went on and on. It was only when he felt that she needed to take a deep breath, that he finally released her. Their eyes opened, his thumb brushed against her bottom lip when it suddenly hit him that he'd all but pushed himself onto her. His hand dropped away, he took a step back "I'm so sorry Lois."

Blinking rapidly, Lois swore softly under her breath and stepped away.

He watched as she gathered her composure, heard the curses she muttered softly, before turning back to him again "I told you before that I'd never leave Ollie for a flash in the pan. I don't know whether you weren't listening or just don't care, but I'm telling you again; I won't leave Oliver and I won't cheat on him with you." When his mouth opened she held up her hand "I'm going to tell him about this, about kissing you but I'm also going to tell him the truth; that it meant nothing to me."

"You responded to me." He challenged softly.

"Yeah I did but so what?" She nodded in agreement "I'm 28 Smallville, I've responded to a lot of men's kisses. Unlike the story books I've never yet magically fallen in love with someone because of a kiss." She smiled cynically "I've felt lust before, and I'm old enough to know better than to stupidly throw my whole life away, for something as fleeting as that."

"It wasn't lust Lois it was love; your heads just rejecting the truth." He replied sadly, pushing aside the misery he could feel creeping over his heart "We were engaged baby, please just try and believe."

"Firstly DON'T call me baby; I am NOT your baby. Secondly, I don't need to try and believe something that never happened. Now is this the end of it?" She asked quietly.

"No, I have to make you understand."

"No, I have to make _you_ understand." She kept her voice even and her eyes steady on his "I'm not Lana; I don't need to have a boyfriend and a spare lined up just in case. Don't ever confuse me with her, because that will be your first mistake. One man at a time has always been enough for me; and from now on that man will only ever be Oliver."

He swallowed hard at the unwavering tone in her voice, but Lois was his life and he just couldn't give up "If you marry him it will be a mistake."

"Say's you."

"It's true."

"Then it will be my mistake."

"I told you that Clark and I are the same man, and that we were split. Well just as you've been dreaming about Kal, he's been dreaming about you; about..." His voice faltered but he firmed it "...about the life we had built together."

"Ok."

"It's true."

"I DON'T CARE!" She yelled in aggravation "I'm not interested in dreams, when are you going to get that?"

"Never; because we do belong together."

She looked at him, shook her head, turned on her heel and began walking down the long driveway to the house.

Smallville looked after her, as J'onn's warning once again rang in his head; _no matter what you say now, Lois won't accept that you are the man she has been dreaming about; nothing you say in this timeline will bring the love she had for Clark back. _He swallowed back the tears that clogged his throat and knew that if he just accepted defeat then he wouldn't be worthy of her love. Lois would never have given up on him so easily, she'd proven that just by clinging to him despite what Lana had done; he couldn't do any less for her.

He didn't try to stop her as she kept walking down the driveway, her footsteps paused now and again, but he followed behind and told her about their relationship. He knew that she was listening; her heart was beating like a drum in her breast, her breath had caught one or twice, and he'd heard her gasp when he described her engagement ring, but she kept walking.

When she reached the barn she stopped, but didn't interrupt until he grew quiet. After a minute of silence, she turned around and looked at him. Their eyes held for a moment, she saw the hope in his, and felt her heart hurt that she couldn't give him what he wanted. He saw the compassion in hers, and felt his heart ache that J'onn had been right.

"Have you finished?" Lois asked quietly.

"Yes."

"I didn't interrupt you once Smallville; not once. So please can that be the end of it?"

He heard the tiredness in her tone and began talking quickly "I haven't told you how this happened Lo, I haven't explained to you ..."

"I think you've said enough." She cut in quietly.

"Lois 8 years ago you were unconscious for five days, and I know there are times you get scared it will happen again." He shook his head quickly when she flinched "It wasn't a medical problem Lo, so you don't have to worry about that. However, I can tell you what caused it if you wanna know." She looked at him doubtfully but he could see that she was curious, and hoped it would be enough for her to want to hear the rest.

Lois paced away, chewed her thumbnail lightly and thought about it. She knew that he'd thrown out that carrot deliberately as a last resort that she'd be curious enough to listen. On the one hand she couldn't fault him, she'd done the same to others in pursuit of a story; on the other hand she didn't want to hear anymore. She was tired; just sick and tired of it all. She didn't know why he insisted on carrying on with this, but if she didn't find out what happened then she would still be frightened on occasions, and she didn't want that either.

Turning around, she saw that he was waiting patiently and exhaled heavily "I think I've been pretty patient up to now, but if you can tell me what happened 8 years ago then I'm not going to be stupid enough not to listen. However, it has to be on the understanding that once you're done, you will be done, ok?"

This was his last chance. He'd heard the determination in her voice and knew that if she didn't accept it after hearing this; that she never would. "Let's go up to the loft, we can be comfortable and talk without being interrupted, ok?"

She nodded and walked quietly beside him into the barn and up to the loft. Lois stood next to the window, pulled out her cigarettes, lit one and inhaled deeply before blowing out one long stream.

Smallville sat on the arm of the couch and at her gesture to begin, quietly told her all that had happened the previous month, then brought her up to date on everything up to the present.

Lois listened quietly, after her cigarette was finished, she took a seat on the couch and patiently listened to everything he said. When he finally grew quiet, she shook her head slowly as her lip curled up without humour "If Lana caused my coma just to get you back, then I'd say that she succeeded; after all when I woke up, the two of you were married."

"Clark and Lana were married Lois, I'm not married to her." He corrected firmly.

"Didn't you tell me that you and Clark are the same man?" She questioned sedately.

"We are...were...shit." He raked a hand through his hair and started again "Clark and I are the same man, but when he married Lana we were split. So the easiest way to make you understand is by saying that if he'd never married her, we would still be one person."

She nodded slowly "But he did marry her, so to try and understand what you're saying, I'm going to refer to you as one person, instead of separating you and Clark, is that alright?" He nodded reluctantly "Ok, well when I woke up in the hospital you and Lana were married."

"The first time I didn't marry Lana when you were in the hospital Lo, it was the second time that she and Clark eloped." Instead of being clear, his words came out a jumbled confusion. Hearing her reply, he swore softly, silently rebuking himself to take his time and get it right.

"There was no second time only a first; I've only been in a coma in the hospital once." She reminded him calmly.

"Sorry, what I'm trying to say is that in the first timeline; which is the real one, I never married Lana." He shook his head swiftly "After you woke up, she married Lex and a couple of months later you left to travel. I left shortly after their divorce, returned four years later and began to work with you at the Planet."

"That didn't happen."

"It did happen Lois, it did! But Lana went back to the past and convinced her younger self to marry me when I was just a stupid young fool, and that's when Clark and I were split." He let out a deep sigh and rubbed a hand over the nape of his neck "Shortly after I left Smallville, I forgot about Lana and was grateful that she turned me down, because I knew that if she hadn't I would have regretted it; which is where Clark comes in. He told you that he's been unhappy..." She nodded "...well that was an understatement Lo, he's been wretchedly miserable for years. As I mentioned before, just as you've been dreaming so has he. He's dreamt about the life that he'd lived, the woman that he loved, and for years the dreams were the only thing that got him through; they were the only thing that felt real to him. When you returned to America, and came to stay at the farm, he knew that you were the woman he'd been dreaming about. When I arrived a few days ago, he found out the truth. That the life he'd built, and the fiancée he loved had been taken from him; and then he found out that Lana was responsible."

He paused and looked at her sadly "I'm sure you can imagine how he felt knowing that his life was a lie, and the woman he was married to had tricked him." She tilted her head uncertainly "Now try and imagine how both of us felt when we discovered the truth. The life that I've lived for the past 8 years has been wiped out of existence as if it never happened. Clark's life has been changed in a way that he didn't want; and our fiancée, the woman we love more than anything is now engaged to another man."

"Smallville I've never been involved with, much less engaged to either of you." She replied softly.

"You were Lois."

She glanced out the window, before looking back at him "You're not really trying to get home are you?"

"Yes I am."

"I mean you're not trying to get back to your own world?"

"This is my world." He repeated once again "I'm just trying to get back everything that's been taken from me, and so is Clark."

She pressed her lips together and smiled sadly "Then I'm sorry, but until you can find a way to go back to your world..."

"This is my world." He cut in firmly, holding her eyes with his until she sighed and nodded reluctantly.

"Ok, if this is your world then you'll just have to accept that it's not the way you remembered it and move on." She suggested gently.

"I don't want to move on."

"You sound like you did when you used to dream about Lana."

"I'm not that kid anymore Lois, I don't want to move on because I know what's important, and who I need beside me for the rest of my life; and it's you." He reached out and touched her hand fleetingly "You're my life Lo, I need you; please, god please just try and remember."

At the combination of doubt and sympathy on her face he knew that he was losing, but kept talking in the hope that something would trigger inside her head and get through "The night before all of this happened, you were scared that Lana would do something to take me from you, and later I was scared of the same thing. I was frightened that one day I'd wake up, and be back to normal only to find that years had passed, and you had moved on to find happiness with someone else." He paused to swallow hard but kept going "You told me that if anything happened, you'd keep trying to get me back. You promised that you wouldn't give up on me, on us."

"How could I get you back, when we were never together in the first place?" She asked with a soft fleeting smile.

He brushed a tear away impatiently and looked into her eyes willing her to accept "We were together Lois; please baby just try and remember."

"Smallville..."

"I know you don't believe it but it's all true; there shouldn't be two Clark's Lois, there should only be one, and that one should be engaged to you."

"But there are two Clarks; one is married to Lana and the other is a solo act." She paused and chose her words carefully "I don't want to hurt you by saying this, but if what you said is true, then the life you knew is gone. Don't waste your life trying to get back what you had; you wasted years wanting Lana only to find that she wasn't the one, don't do it to yourself again. Clark's left Lana hoping to find happiness; now you need to do the same."

"You're telling me to forget you."

"Yes."

"I can't."

"Smallville I'm not the woman you believe me to be. I'm not a dreamer, I'm not romantic, and I don't believe in the world well lost for love; I'm much too practical minded about everything, and I like being that way." She hesitated at the despair on his face and continued softly "Dreams are nice but I prefer reality because even when it's sad or messy or heartbreaking it's real; and I'll take reality over flights of fancy any day of the week."

"The dreams you've had are real. I am Kal and the way we feel about each other in your dreams was our reality Lois. Our lives weren't perfect, we had arguments and petty disagreements, we laughed and had our fun times, sometimes the romance was soft, other times it was fun, and at others it was a fire that couldn't be quenched, and I was surprised that we didn't burn in the flames." He swallowed hard to push down the ball that was lodged in his throat "We were together for over 18 months Lois and the passion in our relationship; and I'm not just talking about our sex life, but our passion for each other didn't diminish, it burned hotter every day." He paused and asked quietly "How do you think you'll feel knowing that you had the chance to be with Kal in real life, but threw it away?"

"As I told you last night, even if I met Kal in real life it wouldn't change anything. Oliver's a good man and I love him, I'd never throw him away for a fantasy."

"I am Kal Lois." At the disbelief in her eyes, he finally accepted that J'on was right; she would never believe because Lana had taken that away from her "You don't believe me, do you?" He asked softly.

She sighed and shook her head softly "I think you're homesick and scared that you're not going to get back to your own world, so you're looking for a connection in this one. I don't know why you picked me but..."

"But you don't believe." He cut in, stating matter of fact.

"Smallville, you want me to believe that you and Clark are the same man; that your lives….our lives were all but taken and changed by Lana because she loved you; and all of this happened without anyone being aware of it." She raked her fingers through her hair, and smiled without humour "Don't forget I was around back then, so I know that Lana never had to use tricks to get a boy named Clark Kent to marry her. Plus I'm also the woman whose condition you both used for your own benefit to try and steal her from Lex. Clark succeeded, and you failed, but you've both told me that you did it." When his mouth opened she shook her head "I've no doubt that Lana came-on to you, just as I'm sure that you were looking for an opening and my jaunt the in the hospital suited you both; but blaming it all on her now is kind of tacky don't you think?"

"No, she didn't trick us into pursuing her, or Clark into marrying her, we have no one but ourselves to blame for that." He replied in a soft voice "I know you felt cornered when you said that we were your best friends..." This time when her mouth opened, but he didn't give her time to respond "It's ok Lo, in this timeline our friendship hasn't had a chance to grow, and because of that you don't know just how bad we feel for what we did. I only remembered it last month but..."

"Its ancient history now, so forget about it." She cut in quietly "Clark apologised a long time ago and that was enough. I'm just trying to point out that given what I know; you can't reasonably expect me to believe your story." Lois' lips curved up in faint smile "Besides, didn't I hear you state quite emphatically only a couple of days ago, that you would never be interested in me because I'm not your type?"

He swore richly in his head, but didn't get a chance to respond "It's fine Smallville, I feel the same way. We were never attracted to each other romantically which is a good thing. Romance has ruined a lot of good friendships, and I think we have become friends; ok not best but closer." She patted his shoulder absently "We used to have a somewhat familial relationship; remember when I told you off about AC, said I didn't need a brother..."

"We're not siblings Lois, not even close." He cut in decisively, determined to derail that train.

"No, but we're not anything else either." She told him steadily.

"And Clark's dreams, the one's I told you that he's been having."

"You also told me that he's been miserable for years, so his dreams were probably just a way of escaping from a marriage that he felt trapped in. A lot of people dream of doing bigger and better things when they're unhappy with their life. He's been married since he was 19, but 30 is now looming on the horizon and he's frightened." She shrugged casually "Instead of enjoying life and being somewhat carefree when he had the chance, he spent his teenage years either chasing after or pining for Lana, and his twenties being the dependable responsible husband. Now he's almost 30, his marriage didn't work out and all those years are gone. Given that he's been unhappy, and is now older, more than likely he's also realised that just because he was hot for Lana in school, didn't mean that he had to marry her before he'd even had a chance to get out there and see what the world had to offer."

The logic of her reasoning was sound, and he would have agreed, if he didn't know in this instance it was all wrong "Seeing you in his dreams; his feelings for you?" He prompted quietly.

She sighed and rubbed her brow "I probably returned at a time when he was really vulnerable. He was dreaming of another life, loving someone new and exciting, and possibly wrote the dreams off as nothing more than a harmless little fantasy. We've all fantasised at some point, and it is harmless until you get sucked into believing that it's real." She gave a small embarrassed smile "I hate admitting this, but I've struggled at times to not to give and believe my dreams are real, but I haven't, so I do understand where he's coming from. Unfortunately, he was unhappy and consequently susceptible so when I returned, he endowed me with all the characteristics of his fantasy woman, and made me out to be something that I'm not."

When his head shook back and forth, she nodded instead "Clark's on his own for the first time in his life; he doesn't have Lana, he's been yearning for his dream woman so I'm convenient. You're scared that you're stuck here, so I'm convenient for you too. But Oliver will tell you that I'm just as much of a pain as I always was, I really haven't changed much at all. Believe me, if we were together, you and Clark would be looking for a way out."

He shook his head and ignored her sigh "And the fact that I described your dreams in more detail than you've revealed." He asked despondently.

"You told me that Clark dreamt, do you know all about his dreams?" He nodded reluctantly "More than likely, you've just taken the little I've shared, combined it with his, and turned it around to describe mine."

"But that could only have happened if you had the same dreams."

"There are a lot of things that can't be explained in this world. I'm not comfortable with that because I think everything must have some logic behind it, but I'm not so close minded that I'm going to believe that some things just can't be explained."

His eyes filmed over, and his throat started to close up, but he cleared it determined to have one last say "Lois you have the opportunity of a lifetime here, not many people get it, and everyone would love to have it. You can marry Oliver and be content, or you can be with the man that loves you more than life, the man that you loved in the same way before it was taken away from us." He slashed his hand across his eyes, and lifted it to touch the side of her face "You've had the dreams so you know that I'm right, you just have to accept."

She shook her head once again.

His heart clenched tight in fear; he'd lost. His hand fell uselessly to his side; he nodded and turned his eyes towards the window, but couldn't make himself leave. Her mind was blocked against him, and nothing he said or did would ever get through. It seemed that Lana had gotten her victory after all; she'd wanted to ensure that Lois wouldn't love him and she'd succeeded.

Lois looked at him quietly, noted the tears sliding down his cheeks, and knew that it was time to bring an end to everything "Do your mom and Chloe believe everything you've just told me?" She asked quietly.

He nodded shortly "Yes, we all know it's true; including Clark, Dianna and J'onn."

She shook her head in weary resignation "While I wait by my car, will you please go inside, get my purse and car keys; tell everyone that I'm leaving."

His eyes shot to hers "You don't have to leave."

"Yeah I do." She nodded gently "I'm going home to Oliver."

"God Lois, please."

She shook her head once again, and after touching him softly on the arm, left the loft quietly.

He sat still for a moment, closed his eyes tight and pushed his feelings down deep before racing into the house, gathering her purse and keys, coming back and silently handing them to her.

"Thank you." She opened the car door but instead of getting in, she smiled at him sadly "Please tell Clark not to come and see me, I think it's best if none of us see each other again."

"Lois..."

"I'm sorry, I really am. Maybe one day you will get back to your world and find what you've lost, and Clark will meet the right woman and be happy; I sincerely hope you both do." She finished softly before turning to climb in the car, but stopped at the sound of her name.

"The last night we were together, I told you to never ask me to let you go, because that was the one thing I couldn't give you." He swallowed hard and finished in a soft voice "Just as you promised to never give up on me should anything happen, I won't give up on you either. We'll be together again because I'll never stop fighting until our lives are restored to us, I promise Lois." He stepped forward, stopped then stepped forward again and gathered her into his arms.

He held her close, breathing in the scent of her hair, feeling the familiar lines of her body pressed against his "I love you baby; I always will." He pressed his lips against her cheek then dropped his arms and stepped back, watching silently as she got into her car and drove away.

He kept looking after the car long after she'd pulled onto the road, until it became only a speck using normal vision, and that's when it finally hit him. She was gone, the most precious thing that he'd had, the person that he loved more than anything else was gone. He'd lost her, and until or unless the spell was reversed, she wouldn't be coming back. He turned to walk back into the house, when his knees buckled. He landed on the ground heavily, tried to gulp in air, but the ball in his throat became bigger; his breathing turned to gasps, and pants before tearing out of his throat in a scream. Wrapping his arms tight around his knees, his head dropped onto his arms, and he sobbed for all that had been taken from him and all that he'd lost.

oOo

As the door closed behind her son, Martha looked at Chloe before turning to her guest with trepidation.

"J'onn..." He lifted his eyes to hers, and at the graveness of his face, asked quietly "Do you know what's going on?"

He half nodded and smiled sadly in reply "I believe so; when Lois said that she wanted to go for a walk, she really wanted to be by herself to say goodbye to Kal."

Chloe paled and turned to catch the older woman's eye before turning back again "But what about seeing the two men and..."

He shook his head gently "She can't accept Chloe, she thought about it, but nothing can get past the spells that Lana did; they were too powerful."

"That's why you were quiet after lunch when we were all teasing him about being Superman, isn't it?" She asked forlornly "I just thought...but that's why?"

"Yes, I knew but it wasn't for me to say."

"Clark went out to stop her, didn't he?" Martha asked steadily.

"I can only assume, but he heard her talking before he went outside, and I think we all know that he wasn't going to let her go without at least trying to make her believe." He finished softly.

Martha felt her heart ache knowing that right now her boy was hurting, and there was nothing she could do. Right now they were all helpless; helpless to stop Lois from turning away, helpless to make Lana change everything back, helpless without the knowledge of how to do it themselves.

No more words were spoken, eye contact was fleetingly exchanged and each saw the sadness the other felt at what was presently taking place outside. All hoped that Clark would succeed, but knew that he wouldn't, and all hurt.

When he zoomed into the house, up the stairs and out again, Martha turned to J'onn once again, and at his gentle headshake, swallowed back the tears and waited for her boy to come inside.

She heard the car drive away, but when he didn't return after several minutes, she got to her feet, and peered out the window to find her son standing stock still, looking down the road. When he turned towards the house, she looked over her shoulder at her guests, smiled sadly and opened her mouth to ask if they could have some privacy, when his scream resonated through the kitchen. Not caring about anything but her son, she flung open the door, and ran down the stairs.

She could see his body was shaking, could hear his sobs and sliding to her knees beside him, she wrapped her arms tight around him. Suppressing her own feelings, she rocked her son as she used to when he was a child, until the gut wrenching sobs finally petered out to hiccupping gasps, and then silence. Her hands stroked over his back, trying to calm the shudders that were still quaking through his body. She pressed her cheek to the top his head, and tried to think of something that would give him comfort, but knew that nothing she said right now would stem the hurt that he was feeling.

"Come inside sweetie."

"She's gone mom."

"I know, come inside."

"I thought...I thought that I could get through to her. I was so sure that Lana could never beat Lois and me, that nothing could; but she's won."

"No she hasn't." Martha replied firmly and cupped his face in her hands "Lana's won nothing; she's lost, she just hasn't admitted it yet."

"Lois...Lois doesn't love me mom."

"Yes she does Clark, remember what J'onn said, that if Lois can't accept the truth, it's not her fault. Please sweetie, don't look at this as if your love for Lois wasn't strong enough, or hers for you was lacking because it wasn't." She wiped her thumbs under his eyes and kissed his cheek "If Lois' love for you was weak, then she wouldn't have remembered you at all; but she did. Despite what Lana did, she remembered you Clark, and she heard you calling out to her. Lana took the love Lois felt for you away, so her heart can't hear the truth, but don't ever doubt that she loves you; because then Lana will win."

The tears trickled quietly down his cheeks "She's gone back to Oliver."

She nodded gently and pressed her lips to his forehead "We can't stop her Clark, the only thing we can keep doing is hoping. Don't give up on hope honey; sometimes it's the only thing that gets us through. Lana will either give up, or J'onn will get the information from her, or he'll decipher the spell, but she's not going to win this Clark, I'm damned if she will."

He nodded wearily "I don't know what to do mom; what'd I do? I'm used to solving most things with my powers, but they're not going to help with this. As bad as everything was, just having Lois here with me, believing that she would finally see that I was Kal was enough, but I don't have that anymore."

Helping him to his feet, she wrapped an arm around his waist and began to lead him back to the house "Come inside sweetie, just come inside for now."

They walked into the kitchen and found it empty, knowing that everyone had left to give them some privacy, Martha guided her son to the lounge room, and sat him down on the couch "I'm just going to see what's happening, but I'll be back in a minute ok?" He laid his head back on the couch, closed his eyes and nodded disconsolately. She smoothed his hair back, bent and placed a kiss on the crown of his head and walked out of the room to the study.

When she opened the door, all three turned to her with faces full of melancholy.

"How is he?" Chloe asked quietly.

"Heartbroken; Lois has gone home to Oliver."

Chloe's eyes filled with tears "Is there anything I can do?"

"No, unfortunately the only people who can do something right now are Lana or Lois." She wiped her fingers under her eyes and sighed "One is too selfish to give my boy's their lives back, and the other can't accept the truth because it's been hidden from her."

"Martha..." She turned at the call of her name "I will go back to the house, Dianna will stay here and keep trying to decipher the spell. I think that Clark needs to know what has happened, and he'll need his mom." J'onn paused and continued softly "I know at the moment all seems hopeless but it is not. I will try to delve deeper into Lana's mind, see if I can find anything that will help, or even encourage her into doing the right thing. However, even if I can't, I will know the second she thinks of the reversal and then we'll have it. If she decides to do it that's fine, but either way remind both men that their lives will be restored to them."

She nodded "Thank you. I don't know what you should say to Clark. I..."

J'onn looked at her with compassion "I will just tell him that I am there to give him a break and to keep tapping into Lana's mind. I don't believe this is the kind of thing he would like to hear at all, but if he has to, then it would be best coming from those who love him; yourself, his brother and his friend."

She nodded, he left, Chloe and Martha returned to the lounge room, and Dianna once again attempted to interpret the spell.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

After having a shower and pulling her hair into a ponytail, Lana dressed in the first clothes that came to hand; sweatpants, a long sleeved t shirt, warm socks and joggers. It wasn't important how she looked or what she wore. There was only one man that she wanted to look pretty for, and he could care less.

After switching on the thermostat to warm up the house, she stepped into the kitchen and put the kettle on. She knew that she needed to eat but one look at the contents in the fridge had caused her stomach to heave. Slamming the door shut, she swiftly grabbed a glass, turned the tap on and filled the tumbler with water. Standing against the sink, she sipped slowly at the contents, closed her eyes and hoped the shakiness in her belly would soon pass.

By the time the kettle shrilled, her tummy had calmed enough that she was able to tolerate the smell of coffee; and after making a cup, she sat down at the kitchen table listlessly, wondering what she was going to do.

She didn't want to think, or feel or be; she just wanted to sleep. She wanted to hide in sleep, she wanted to feel Clark's arms around her, she wanted to see him looking at her with concern, doing everything he could to try and make her feel better. But he was gone, and she felt adrift with no one to turn to.

Clark had his mom, Chloe, his buddies, his twin and Lois. She had no one. She thought that she'd been popular in high school but looking back, she hadn't been. She'd been the pretty girl, couldn't be classified as an outsider, but neither had she been popular. How could she be; rather than trying to find common ground other than cheerleading with her friends, she'd discarded them when she dumped cheerleading, and after that spent all her time with Clark, Chloe and her boyfriends. She hadn't made any other friends, hadn't even attempted to. As her boyfriends had always been more important than her girlfriends, it sadly made sense that her friends hadn't cared when she cut them out of her life; and she now had no one.

She could call her aunt, but what could she say? Nell knew they'd been having problems, she'd tried to give her advice, but she didn't know what her niece had done, and she couldn't tell her. How could she tell her aunt the truth then reveal that Clark was now aware of it too, and hated her because of it.

She blinked away the tears that filled her eyes, and slowly twirled the cup on the table.

Ever since Clark's affections for her had cooled, and even more so after Lois returned, she'd been in a fever of dread that she was going to lose her husband. When his twin arrived, her anxiety had increased making her almost sick with fear. She'd only relaxed once, when she believed that Smallville was indifferent to Lois, then she'd found his wallet and had known it was only a matter of time before Clark discovered the truth.

She'd tried to think of solutions, tried to retain a shred of belief that she could fix everything, but deep down she'd known all along that she couldn't. Truth be told; from the moment her husband had informed her of his twin's arrival, she'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Wasn't a person supposed to feel free when the truth was discovered, weren't they supposed to feel relieved that the lies could stop? She didn't.

She didn't feel unburdened, she didn't feel better; she felt lost. From the time she first talked to Clark in the cemetery when she was 15, he had been the one mainstay in her life. Other people had come and gone, but he had always been there. As a friend, the silent saviour, the boy she'd come to love and later married, to the man who was the central core of her life; but now he was gone and she felt lost.

Just like the last time, she had once again ruined everything that was good in her life. Last time it was by marrying Lex, this time it was by lying to Clark. Her husband valued honesty, and she had always known that. If she had just gone to him that day, told him before they were married that her older self had come to the past, and revealed their future to her, he would have believed her. He wouldn't have accepted that he'd love or want to marry anyone but her; not even in the future, but he would have known that she was speaking the truth.

She'd passed on the memories of her other life to herself, thinking that would be enough to stop her from making the same mistakes again, but what she hadn't stopped to consider, was that Clark would feel like she'd made a fool out of him. If she'd just given him the choice of marrying her in the full knowledge that by doing so their future would be changed, he would have done it to ensure they weren't split asunder by Lois or anyone else; she knew that with a bone deep certainty. Not even giving him the choice was her first mistake, and by far the most costly. If she had just done that then everything else would have been avoided.

She had tried countless ways to make him happy, to make his love for her flourish once again, but she'd been fighting a losing battle. If she compared the diligence and attention Clark had applied when cleaning out the gutters, to what she had received from him when they had sex; it was her that came out the loser. He'd stayed with her out of loyalty, but he'd been apathetic and uncaring if their marriage survived or not.

He said that he'd been dreaming, that he remembered everything about his life before she'd changed it; which was more than likely the reason his love for her had cooled, and his indifference to her had grown. In some part of part of his subconscious, he'd known that she had deceived him, and as a consequence Lois had grown in his estimation and became the unattainable dream, while she had become the interloper.

Picking up her cup, she sipped at the contents unaware the coffee was now cold. She was too deeply mired in a pit of self castigation, to even realise it.

oOo

Clark looked at his watch and sighed. It was almost 2 o'clock, and Lana was still sitting at the kitchen table; what the hell was she doing? Contemplating the reason for life, hoping that if she gave him enough time he'd come to his senses, say that he loved her and all was forgiven; what?

This morning he'd felt good for the first time in years, but now that the wheels had been put into motion he wanted action. The truth was supposed to set you free, but right now he felt more trapped than before he'd discovered the truth. He could see that she was upset, her face told the story of how distressed she was, but he was tired of this. He felt frustrated that all their lives were effectively put on hold until or unless everything was reversed, yet she just continued to sit at the kitchen table like a bump on a log staring at nothing.

He'd told Smallville that she wouldn't be inclined to give in so quickly after only losing last month. Another life or not, if the memories were as clear in her mind as J'onn said they were, then it would still only feel like last month when she'd lost previously. He also knew just how dogged and unyielding Lana could be. Hadn't she kept him dangling with the 'I don't know if I can trust you game'.

She'd vacillated back and forth for years, rigidly determined not to give him a chance until he'd confessed all to her satisfaction. She would have done him a bigger favour if she'd given him a pithy and pointed NO right from the very beginning. Even after becoming engaged to Lex, she'd still sniffed around giving him the doe eyed 'oh Clark can you feel it' rot. He of course had played right into her hands, pathetically eager for any crumbs she'd thrown his way, replying with a variation of 'oh Lana yes I can, I always will'. He wished that just once he'd replied 'feel what, the crap you're trying to pull on me again? I don't need to feel it, I've got a super nose and can smell you're bullshit a mile away'. When she kept asking him why he didn't trust her, he should have said 'because you've got a big fucking mouth Lana', or even better 'I don't wanna trust you, I just wanna get you into bed'. Any one of those would have been enough to make her shun him permanently. Yes, at the time he would have been devastated, convinced that he'd been affected by redK to be so brutal with her; and yes he would have tried to win her back, but she wouldn't have forgiven him for being so damningly blunt, no matter what protestations he'd made afterwards.

After being given the cold shoulder a few dozen times he might have left to do his training in despair, but from experience he knew that once away from Lana, he would have forgotten her very quickly. If he hadn't been such a patsy, she would have renounced him completely; possibly before they were ever together, and he wouldn't have wasted his youth on her, neither would he now be in the predicament that he was.

He glanced into the kitchen, saw her sitting at the table and shook his head. She was aware they had an expert looking into how to reverse the spell, given what he'd already revealed to her, she should be perceptive enough to realise they would find the answers in time; so what was she waiting for?

Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed heavily reigning in both his frustration, and growing agitation. There was nothing they could do but wait; either for her to give in or for J'onn to find the solution. Shifting to get more comfortable, he turned at the tap on his shoulder, and smiled at seeing his friend materialise behind him.

"Hi J'onn did you have a good nap?"

"I did my friend, and now I am back to take over again..." When Clark's mouth opened J'onn held up his hand "I am going to try harder to tap into Lana's mind, or encourage her to think of the spell if need be. She can't refuse to think about it forever Clark, it must be floating in her consciousness; especially given the circumstances. Dianna is still trying to decipher the spell, but I think my presence here would be more beneficial; even if that just means finding something that will help us to know where to start looking."

Nodding in agreement, Clark stretched "Well good luck, as far as I can tell she's not doing anything more interesting than staring at the kitchen walls." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone "Call us if you need to."

"I will do so..." J'onn paused for a beat "Smallville told me that you took the book to the fortress; would you mind retrieving it for me before returning to the farm?" Clark nodded in agreement, but looked curious all the same "Thank you, as I mentioned before the memories of her former life are very clear in her mind, so I am hoping that with the aid of the book, I can dig deep into her subconscious and hopefully retrieve some information that even she is not aware of. I feel it cannot hurt but to try."

Clark gave a half smile in agreement "No it can't, and frankly I'm willing to try anything; I'll be back soon." He left and returned minutes later with the book in hand.

"Thank you my friend, and now it is almost 2.30, so you should go home and have some lunch."

"I don't need to eat J'onn."

"Not even Oreo's?"

"Nope." Clark chuckled lightly, slapping his friend on the back "I just enjoy them." And with a quick wave he sped back to the market to retrieve his truck and return home.

After pulling into the driveway, he got out of the truck and smiled. He didn't know how much longer Lana would hold out for, but she would give in eventually and at least until then, he was somewhat free of her.

He walked up the back stairs, into the farmhouse and found his twin sitting on the couch with a look of despair on his face and dried tear tracks on his cheeks. His mom was sitting beside him, Chloe on the coffee table in front of them, and when the women turned to him, he felt his heart pound hard at crushing sadness on their faces. That was when he realised that he couldn't hear Lois' heartbeat anywhere in the house, recalled that her car wasn't parked out front; and knew that she was gone.

Worse, by the look on everyone's face, she'd left after discovering the truth. Going by his twin's demeanour, she clearly hadn't taken the news well, nor had her new found knowledge been good for anyone by the name of Clark Kent.

He felt the lump begin to grow in his throat, the tears to burn his eyes. He glanced at his twin again looking for even a crumb of hope, but Smallville hadn't moved since he'd entered the house; his head was still resting back on the head of the couch and his eyes were still closed. His mom and Chloe were perceptive women; they knew he'd figured out that Lois was gone but when their mouths opened he didn't want to hear whatever they were going to say. If they didn't say it, he could pretend for just a few more minutes there was still a chance that Lois wasn't lost to him.

He fiercely blinked away the tears that gathered in his eyes and rushed into speech before anyone could talk "J'onn's decided to take over for a while, and told me that I should come home for lunch; but I'm actually feeling like pizza so I'm going to go and..."

"Clark."

"Don't say it Chloe." He spun around and looked out the window.

"Sweetie."

"Don't mom please."

It was quiet for several minutes, the women looked at each other, looked at both of the men, and each fought back the tears that began to clog their throats.

Clark closed his eyes tight, opened them and stared hard outside before turning to face the room with his composure very firmly in place "Lois is gone."

"Yes."

"She knows."

"Yes."

He swallowed hard before speaking "This is why J'onn told me to come home?"

Martha rose, walked over to her son and clasped his hand "Come and sit down sweetie."

He walked into the lounge room and fell heavily onto the couch beside his twin "What happened?"

Smallville rubbed a hand over his eyes, before letting it drop to lie listlessly at his side "I heard her talking to Kal, she was saying goodbye to him and I couldn't let her do it without at least trying to make her understand."

Clark nodded slowly "Did she understand at all, any part of it?"

"No, nothing I said got through. I gave her a blow by blow description of our relationship, told her things that only the three of us know but..."

"Did you tell her what Lana did?" Clark interrupted quietly.

His twin nodded wearily "Yes."

"What'd she say?"

Smallville opened his eyes, turned to his twin and smiled without humour "She said that Lana never had to use tricks to get Clark Kent to marry her, pointed out that we'd both tried to steal Lana from Lex when she was in the hospital, so thinks it's pretty shoddy for us to blame it all on Lana now."

Clark winced "From her point of view I can see why she'd think that."

His twin gave an almost imperceptible nod, Chloe and Martha shared a look of sadness at the truth Lois had pointed out, that was so damning to both men.

Smallville ignored the tears that slipped down his cheeks and continued "She doesn't know us very well in this timeline, so really doesn't understand how bad we feel about doing it. When I tried to apologise she said it was in the past, but I heard the hurt in her voice, so let's just say it didn't do much to help our cause."

Clark grimaced and exhaled heavily "Our fight after she woke up would have helped even less. I told her that eloping was my idea, so not to take her anger out on Lana; no doubt that pretty much sealed our fate."

"But it wasn't; you begged Lana to take you back, but eloping was her idea." His twin pointed out; swiping his hands over his cheeks.

He nodded in return "I know, but Lois was angry at us for a whole host of reasons, and at the time I was just trying to deflect some of her anger away from Lana."

"She didn't believe you Clark." At Chloe's voice both men swung to face her "Remember your mom and I were there at the time so we know..." She trailed off reluctant to recall what her cousin had said.

"Chloe's right sweetie; Lois knew it wasn't your idea." Martha put in firmly when the younger woman's voice petered out. She likewise hoped to put an end to this particular part of the conversation.

Clark gave a self mocking smile in return "But do you remember what she said when I told her it was? She laughed and said 'oh yeah, I bet it was your idea, right after Lana lifted her big teary eyes to yours and suggested it'."

Smallville nodded imperceptibly "She was calling you; no she was calling us, Lana's minions."

Clark inclined his head; the women glanced at each other and smiled woefully in agreement.

"Well she didn't mention your fight; she didn't say anything about it at all thank goodness." Smallville put in softly.

"No but it also doesn't help that when I made up with her I said..." Clark trailed off and closed his eyes silently rebuking himself.

"What?"

He rubbed his hands over his thighs in agitation and rushed into speech "It was after we talked, after everything was resolved. We were ok and..."

"What'd you say?" Smallville cut in quietly.

He looked at his mom and Chloe shamefaced before turning back to his twin "I said that I was sorry for being such a jerk, sorry for hurting everyone with my behaviour, but that I'd always loved Lana, and had to fight to get her back."

"Shit." Smallville rubbed his forehead "It's no wonder she can't believe the truth now, between Lana's spells and you telling Lois that you weren't even sorry..."

"I was sorry..."

"Yeah, you were so damn sorry that you all but told her that you'd do it again because you couldn't lose Lana." He yelled in return "What the hell kind of apology was that?"

"I just...I didn't mean it like that."

"Well how the hell did you mean it?" Smallville pushed off the couch, paced away then spun back to his twin, and continued sarcastically "Oh gee Lois I know you could have died but at least it would have been for a good cause; after all I got Lana back and that's all that matters. So I guess I can afford to throw you a bone and say that I'm sorry."

"I didn't say that." Clark pushed up and stepped closer to his twin "I didn't mean...shit it came out wrong and I wasn't thinking ok?"

"Too bloody right you weren't thinking..."

"Well at least I tried, you didn't even bother."

"I told Lois last month and I apologised properly..."

"Big deal; did you confess all to her 8 years ago..."

"No, but at least I didn't give her the backhanded crap that you did..."

"If Lana had taken you back you would have said the same thing I did..."

"No I wouldn't..."

"Yes you damn well would..."

"Well she didn't take me back thank god..."

Both men were now yelling, neither giving the other the chance to finish their sentence before cutting in. Martha and Chloe had gotten to their feet; each had grasped onto the men's arms, tugging and calling to get their attention but the men were too focused on each other to pay any attention. The women looked at each other in dismay; this had turned ugly. Their voices had been drowned out under the lash of anger flying around the room, their tugging making no impression on the men at all.

"Don't get high and mighty with me about the mistakes I made, what about you?" Clark bit out derisively.

"What about me?"

"Have you forgotten about the big fight you had with Lois the night before all this happened, I dreamt about it remember, so you can't hide it. You told me that you actually defended Lana's behaviour to her, so more than likely it's a combination of _that_ and Lana's spells which is the real reason Lois is so sceptical about your feelings for her now."

"I wasn't defending Lana; I was trying to defend myself." Smallville returned angrily.

"Well you did a lousy job of it didn't you?" Clark yelled back "You told Lois that she was the wrong woman for you, and in return she threw your engagement ring back in your face, and told you to go back to Lana. So save the preaching about how I screwed up and look at your own behaviour."

"I apologised to her for that." Smallville replied through gritted teeth.

Clark scornfully retorted "Oh hey Lois, so I said that you were the wrong woman for me; yeah well get over it."

"I never said it like that." Smallville growled angrily.

"Well how did you say it?" Clark asked loudly "Put the damned ring back on your finger Lois because you'll never do any better than me."

"I never said that, I never ever implied that." Smallville snarled "And for your information, Lois and I made up."

"Well so did we!"

Both men stepped forward, eyes locked in heated battle.

"Boys please..." Martha cried out, and let go of the arm she was holding, to step between her sons. They stared hard at each other, then looked away without speaking "I know that you're both upset, but please don't fight." She looked at one man then the other before picking up a hand of each and pressing gently "Sweeties, you know that you are the same person so..."

The men looked at each other, and saw the regret in each other's eyes "I'm sorry." They said simultaneously.

Smallville sighed heavily, stepped over and fell back onto the couch "If it had been me 8 years ago, and in a way it was, then you're right; I would have said the same thing to Lois that you did."

Clark rubbed shaking fingers over his brow, and fell onto the couch beside his twin "Yeah well it wasn't just you who had that fight with her a few nights ago. Since we hadn't been split at that point, it was me as well." He turned to his twin and shrugged apologetically "I guess it's easier to look for a scapegoat than to admit we're both to blame."

Smallville nodded slightly in agreement.

The two women re-took their seats on the coffee table. Martha was relieved their fight was over, but distressed that the air of melancholy surrounding them had grown heavier as a result.

"Guys, don't waste time rebuking yourselves." They looked at Chloe in disheartened fatigue "This is Lana's doing, it's not your fault..."

"Chloe..."

She nodded "Yes, you've both made mistakes but they can't be undone. Just remember when everything's reversed, you'll have back the fiancée who loved you, and KNEW that you loved her, regardless of everything, ok?"

Both men nodded but remained subdued.

"Did you tell Lois about my dreams?" Clark asked quietly after a pause.

"Yes..." He pushed down the lump that once again began to grow in his throat "I told her everything but it made no difference, J'onn was right; there's no getting through to her. Whatever Lana's done has wiped us out of Lois' heart completely."

"Maybe I could try..."

Smallville shook his head tiredly "She asked me to tell you not to go and see her; she thinks it would be best if none of us see each other again."

"But if I try..." He put in softly.

"Sweetie, if there was a chance Lois was going to accept the truth, then I think it would been when she was told about your lives; especially given that she was told things that she's never shared with anyone else." Martha reached out and held a hand of each man "We all got a little too ahead of ourselves; when J'onn said it was a possibility that Lois would accept and believe, he didn't sound hopeful or sure, but we didn't want to hear that, so we grabbed onto the possibility and turned it into a certainty."

Hearing his mom's words, seeing the hopeless cast to his twin's face, Clark felt his stomach and heart twist even more "We've lost."

"No!" Chloe replied decisively "No you haven't and you're not going to. Lois has left but that doesn't mean that you've lost."

The men tried to believe but ended up by looking away instead.

"Only this morning I was thinking that today was the first day of the rest of my life?" Clark rubbed a hand over his eyes "I felt free, I really did; and couldn't remember the last time I'd felt that way but now..." He let out a small humourless laugh "...now I remember it was when I told Lana all about myself and she still wanted to marry me; how's that for irony?"

"Clark..." Both men looked at their mom "J'onn said to tell both of you that although it looks hopeless it's not; your lives will be restored to you. Maybe now that Lois is gone, Dianna can use the rope of truth or whatever it's called and..."

Smallville shook his head despondently "It won't work mom; if Lana's the only one who can reverse the spell, Dianna can question her and find that out, but she can't coerce her into doing it." He let out a small smile "Believe it or not, Lana being unaware of just who we have helping us, is the only thing that now makes this bearable." He let out a soft sigh and shrugged "I don't know why, but it feels important to withhold Dianna and J'onn's presence from her."

"I agree." Clark put in softly "For some reason I just don't want her to know they're here. I know they can take care of themselves, but I'm uneasy at Lana discovering they're trying to help us."

"Possibly because when she reverses the spell and gets back whatever power she had without the book, Lana can somehow discover their real identities through magic; and you don't want her to have that knowledge." Martha suggested gently.

The men nodded but it was Smallville who answered "Possibly, I hadn't thought about it like that, but..."

"Sweeties, you want your lives back, but you're not willing to be selfish about it; neither of you are prepared to expose Dianna and J'onn's real identities to anyone who doesn't already know it; and I think that's why you want to keep their presence a secret from Lana even now."

Chloe nodded in agreement of Martha's words "Your mom's right, it makes no difference if Dianna's impervious to magic, or that she and J'onn can look after themselves; you both know how vulnerable you felt when someone found out about you with underhanded tactics, and you don't want to expose them to that." She paused for a beat and continued softly "But guys; until we know for sure don't entertain the possibility that Lana is the only one who can reverse the spell. Thinking like that won't get you anywhere ok?"

The men shrugged half-heartedly and smiled sadly in return.

She reached over and patted their hands "It's gonna be ok, none of us are going to give up, I promise you that."

They nodded minutely and then there was silence.

The two women looked at each other; Martha gestured with her head and rose. Chloe followed and the two stood beside the kitchen sink.

"Chloe, I hate leaving my boys to hurt like this, but at the moment all they can think about is that Lois is gone; and their fate is in Lana's hands until we know otherwise."

The younger woman swiped a hand through her hair, looked over and found both men with their heads resting back and their eyes closed "I know, and I don't blame them for that, I just hate seeing them so depressed."

Martha nodded minutely "I'm going to make them a coffee then start on dinner. I have to keep busy, if only to stop myself from going to the house and slapping Lana for what she's done to my sons." She wiped her fingers under her eyes and sighed "That won't help at all, but I can be here in case they wanna talk."

Chloe smiled sympathetically "I'll go see how Dianna's doing; maybe the guys will open up with just their mom around." She patted the older woman on the arm, glanced at the men then walked out of the kitchen to the study.

Martha put the kettle on, then stood against the sink keeping watch over her boys.

oOo

J'onn opened the book, placed it on the ground, knelt down beside it and closed his eyes hoping that he could glean something from Lana's subconscious. His mind probed into hers, by-passing the flood of self castigation that she was currently drowning in, skimmed past the memories of her relationship with Clark, dug deeper and continued to look for any bit of magic that was contained deep in her psyche. It had to be there, he just had to find it.

oOo

Lana stared at the kitchen wall mindlessly, and when the tears began to well up in her eyes once again, she brushed them away impatiently.

She'd tried to resist, hoped that even now she could do something that didn't require magic to try and reclaim Clark's love but knew that it was no good; she'd lost.

There was only one thing that Clark wanted from her, and if she didn't give it to him, he'd take it. If they found a way to undo the spell, they could muck it up and remember everything; at least if she did it, it would be done properly. Then Clark wouldn't remember, wouldn't hate her, and maybe one day he'd wake up and realise it was never Lois that he wanted.

Because of his memories, Lois was an unknown to Clark. He only desired her because she was the exciting lover that he was being kept from; likewise Smallville only wanted her back because they'd been parted before he'd had time to discover the truth. If she reversed time, causing the men to merge back together, they would resume their life with Lois again, but one day the newness of their relationship with the woman would wear off, and she would be waiting in the wings.

She just had to give Clark time, the same way that he had given her time when they were younger. It had taken her three years after she met him, to realise that Clark Kent was the only man that she wanted to spend her life with. And he would likewise come to understand that the puppy love he'd scornfully called his teenage feelings, had been nothing of the kind, but not before Lois was out of his system for good.

She knew it was pitiful that she was willing to wait for him to realise that, but what choice did she have. She loved him. She wished that she didn't, wished that she could put him behind her and forget him but she couldn't. Just as both Clark's were willing to take whatever they could get with Lois now, she was willing to wait until the thrall that Lois had him in presently was gone.

She couldn't live with the pain of knowing Clark hated her for what she'd done. If she had to hurt then she'd far rather it be because he'd told her goodbye, but with the hope...no the belief that one day he'd want her back.

oOo

J'onn smiled in commiseration at Lana's thoughts. He felt sorry for the woman, but it was only right that she give back that which she'd stolen. She was thinking about reversing the spell, but he wasn't willing to rush back to the house with the good news. Right now she was thinking about it, he wanted to offer the men something more concrete than that. He wanted to be able to tell the men that she was going to do it without any doubt, so decided to stay and keep his mind focused on hers. He gave her a nudge to encourage her into doing that which she knew was right, and keeping one part of his mind in the now, continued to delve deep into her subconscious.

oOo

The men sat listlessly on the couch while two cups of coffee sat cold on the table untouched in front of them. Martha looked at her sons, unsure of what to say to try and lift the misery that hung on both of them like a blanket.

Clark had asked a few more questions about his twin's conversation with Lois then all conversation had ceased. They had been silent for almost an hour, neither one talking, or moving. When Clark pushed up from the couch, and began walking to the back door Martha rose automatically and took a step after him "Sweetie..."

He paused beside the kitchen island, but didn't turn around "I have to be alone mom, I just..." He snatched up the item his eye had landed on, stepped to the door, pulled it open and left.

Martha turned to look at her son sitting quietly on the couch then back at the door once again. She wanted to be with both her sons, but that was impossible and didn't know what to do.

"Let him go mom, he's not outside anymore and you'd never catch up with him anyway." Smallville put in quietly, and opened his eyes to smile wearily at his mother "He's gone to find Lois."

"But you told him...and he just said..."

"I know but I wouldn't be content knowing that he'd spoken to her on my behalf either, I'd wanna speak to her myself."

"He's just setting himself up for more hurt." She replied tearfully, taking a seat beside him and clasping his hand in hers.

Smallville dropped his head on her shoulder and shook it softly "He can't hurt anymore than he already is mom. He knows what Lois is going to say, but he has to try."

"And when he comes back..."

"I'll talk to him; I'm the only one who really understands how he feels right now."

She gently raked a hand through his hair, closed her eyes and fought back the tears. She'd felt helpless when one son had been devastated at Lois' departure, but felt even more so now, knowing that she couldn't even be there to help her other son when Lois turned away once again.

oOo

Seeing the gas station up ahead, Lois pulled into the driveway, and after filling the tank, gestured to the attendant that she was parking the car. At his nod, she pulled into the small parking lot, before getting out and walking into the adjoining cafe to pay and order a cup of coffee.

She smiled and bobbed her head in thanks when the cup was placed in front of her, took a quick look at the time, then picked up the coffee and sipped. She'd called the airlines shortly after leaving the farm but hadn't been able to get a flight back to Star City. As it was New Years Eve, there were no seats left unless she was willing to sit in the terminal for a last minute cancellation. As Oliver was going to be in the watchtower tonight just in case he and his friends in the league were needed, it wasn't like she had to rush back to Star City for any particular reason, so she'd already decided to stay in their Metropolis apartment until her original scheduled departure date.

At least she didn't have to drive like a bat out of hell to catch a plane, which was a good thing. She felt tired and wasn't inclined to rush anywhere; all she wanted was to rest. She was looking forward to reaching the apartment, basking in a hot tub and not thinking about anything.

She'd been driving for over two hours, and her mind had continued to whirl with everything that Smallville had told her. She didn't want to tell Oliver that a man he considered a friend, had tried to win her over with a bunch of malarkey about their lives being stolen, and true love being thwarted. If she told him that then he'd know Clark believed she was only his fiancée by default; and that wasn't true. Oliver wasn't second best, he wasn't the consolation prize, and she didn't want him to know that a good friend believed that he was. However, if she didn't tell him something then he'd wonder why Clark hadn't been invited to the wedding, and also why she'd asked him to stay away.

She was sorry for coming between Clark and Oliver, coming between two friends wasn't something that she was proud off. It also hurt because she'd loved the Kent family for years and hated that this had put a barrier in their way. Hopefully one day Clark would come to her, say that he'd made a mistake, and ask her to put it behind them. She would be happy to do so, but until then distance was something they all needed.

After finishing the coffee, she left and walked outside then leant against her car. Dropping her head into her hands she wondered what she could tell her fiancée that was neither a lie nor the absolute truth. She hated this, hated the predicament that she was now in but Oliver deserved the truth. When it came right down to it, he deserved to know everything.

oOo

Clark stopped when he saw Lois' car parked outside the cafe. He'd wanted to talk to her, but now that the moment was upon him, he was frightened.

He'd never been in this situation before. Lana had told him that she loved him first; he'd chased after her but she had put herself out there before he had, so he'd never had to second guess whether his feelings for her would be welcome or not. When she was with Lex and said that she no longer loved him, he knew that she was lying. Regardless of her protests, her teary eyes and continual rebukes; her 'come on's' had been so glaringly blatant that he was all too aware that she liked it when he affirmed his love for her. As a consequence, declaring himself to her time and again had been relatively easy and cost him very little. This however, was vastly different.

Lois had never given him any encouragement, had never played up to him, and he knew in this timeline that she had never seen him as a romantic prospect. Now she knew that he loved her, had loved her for years, so approaching her after she'd already told his twin no, caused his heart to pound madly in his chest. However, he had to try. He knew that she was going to say no, knew that she wasn't going to suddenly love him, but if he didn't at least try he'd regret it. He already had more than enough regrets to his credit, and wasn't willing to let this be one of them.

When she walked out of the cafe, and headed to her car he took a step forward but stopped when instead of climbing in, she leant against the vehicle and dropped her head into her hands. She looked tired and upset. He didn't want to cause her any more distress, but just couldn't walk away either. Treading quietly, he walked over and came to stop at her side "Lois."

Her hands dropped, she turned to face him and frowningly questioned "Smallville..."

"Clark." He corrected and when she shook her head wearily, he continued hoping that she'd at least listen "I know you didn't want me to come and see you, but I had to Lois."

She sighed heavily "I'm not getting into this again..."

"I don't want to upset you Lo, I just had to come and talk to you for a few minutes; do you mind if we sit down?" He turned and pointed to a little table, then waited for her to decide. She chewed her lip, looked at him, at the table and finally nodded. Once they were seated, she dug into her purse, pulled out a cigarette and after lighting it, waited.

Clark rubbed a hand over the back of his neck then looked her squarely in the eyes "I know that Smallville told you everything..." She nodded "I guess it must have been a hell of a shock." She nodded again before taking a deep drag, and blowing out the smoke in one long stream "It's all true Lo; how I feel about you, the dreams I've had, everything."

"And what are you expecting me to do Clark?"

"Nothing I just...I wanted you to know."

"Ok, well now I know." She replied quietly.

He nodded and looked down at the table top, before reaching into his pocket to pull out Smallville's wallet. Before leaving the house, he'd seen it on the kitchen island and had picked it up. This was the only tangible evidence that was left of their relationship, and he hoped it would be enough. He'd only seen the photo once before, and had felt his heart turn over at the love so openly displayed on Lois' face for him. He opened the billfold, stared at the picture for a moment before shakily handing it to her "This is us Lo, this is how we used to be."

She hesitated before taking the wallet reluctantly and looking at the photo. When her eyes lifted to his, he saw the sadness she didn't bother trying to hide "Is this Smallville's?"

He nodded "Yes, he doesn't know that I have it, but I wanted you to see it. That's us Lo, the man in that picture is me and Smallville before we were split; and this photo was taken at yours and my engagement party."

She bobbed her head gently "So Smallville's the man he told me about that's dating the Lois in his world?"

"Yes, but Lo there is no other world; there's only this one. Smallville told me that you can't seem to understand that, maybe it's because of Lana's spells or you just don't want to, but I swear it's the truth."

She smiled slightly "Don't blame Lana for it Clark, I'm a pretty inflexible person, so more than likely it is me." She blew out a soft breath "I can see that the couple in this picture love each other very much, but..." she looked at the photo once more, before closing the wallet and handing it back "...but people aren't interchangeable. I'm not her and can't pretend to feel something that I don't; likewise if you try to replace me with her, in the end all you'll feel is discontented." When his mouth opened she held up a hand forestalling him "If there is only one world and if that was me in the photo then it's a me that's now gone. I don't love you Clark, not in that way."

He held the wallet for a moment longer before tucking it back in his pocket. He didn't know what to say, he'd hoped that seeing the picture would help but it hadn't. He rubbed his fingers over his brow, but when Lois began to speak he dropped his hand and looked up "Clark, have you given any thought to the possibility that because you were unhappy, trapped in a marriage you no longer wanted, that you were looking for an escape route and the dreams filled that need?"

He shook his head "It's not that Lo."

"Isn't it; you always wanted to marry Lana, but always doesn't mean the same thing when you're a green kid with stars in your eyes, as it does when you're an adult and have a little seasoning under your belt. Most people think their high school sweetie is the one, but they usually discover they were wrong and move on." She gave a small smile and tilted her head "When I was 15 I fell for guy and when it was over I thought I'd never get over it, when I was 16 I went through it again with a different boy. All through school and afterwards, I dated and flirted, fell in and out of love, had big and small crushes; but you never gave yourself that chance Clark. You either waited for Lana to favour you with her attention, or you kept scraping away at her defences year after year, utterly refusing to even try and move on." She paused for a beat before continuing "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Smallville; don't do it to yourself again. Forget about the dreams you've had, put the dream woman behind you and start life afresh."

"Lo, you said that your dreams felt real, well so do mine. They've been the only thing that's felt real for years; so how can I just forget?" He swallowed hard, looked away then back into her eyes "How do I forget the life we had together, how do I just put you behind me when...how?"

She heard the slight quiver in his voice and touched his hand gently "Don't look to me anyone else to fill the void in your life Clark, that's a quick way to misery. Take it from that someone that knows; real life love is a lot more fulfilling and satisfying than anything you'll find in a dream. You now have the chance to do what you didn't do years ago; get out there and meet different women, date, take chances, and one day you will find happiness with someone."

"But it won't be you?" He asked painfully.

"No, it won't be me." She paused at the sadness in his eyes, crushed out the cigarette and tried to explain in a way that wouldn't hurt him further "I don't mean to be condescending but maybe the reason your 'thing' for Lana went on for so long, was because you fell for the classic 'hero that saves the heroine shtick'." At his slight wince she shook her head in rebuttal "Don't feel bad about it Clark; teenagers are extremely impressionable, unfortunately that's a side effect of growing up that only a few people mange to escape."

He nodded in agreement; she smiled and continued "From what Chloe's told me, when she was in school she began investigating how the meteors had affected people. However, those who were afflicted...adversely only started crawling out of the woodwork to become a real threat to others when you were about 15. That's about the mid way point to when you think you know it all, but in reality you're not only high susceptible but naive to boot." She tilted her head and smiled ruefully "I think because of that your fixation for Lana grew and became all the more quixotic, because you lived in a town that seemed to be the genuine version of the Hellmouth. You didn't have vampires and demons, but you did have evil meteor people and assorted villains lurking around every corner, all waiting in line to kill the girl you fancied. Consequently Lana turned from the ordinary cute girl you crushed on for years, into the brave little heroine who fell into peril every other week, but with _your_ help managed to survive." Her lips lifted in a small sympathetic smile "How could you **not** feel like her hero, and subsequently believe the two of you were destined; most any other teenage boy would have felt the same way. It also seems a lot more grown up and serious when you refer to your feelings as love, instead of what it really is; calf love." She shrugged lightly "Of course at the time you don't think of it like that."

He bobbed his head and exhaled heavily "Yeah, at the time I really didn't think I'd ever get over it, I was so sure that no one understood how we felt; not really, but looking back now…" He trailed off and shook his head "...god how embarrassing."

"We've all been there Clark; first love is a bitch. Some people sail right through it; others find it agonising, but no matter which category you fall into, it's a painful all the same; so you have nothing to feel embarrassed about." He gave a small smile, she continued quietly "But as I told Smallville earlier, don't confuse me with Lana, because I'm nothing like her. I can take care of myself, but more importantly, unlike her who turned to you for help instead of her boyfriends; if I ever need saving, I will turn to the man in my life, not someone else."

"You think that I see you as a Lana clone?"

She shook her head "No, not her clone, but maybe you're hoping that I'll turn to you just as she did. But Clark I'm happy with my life and the choices I've made, I don't need you to try and save me from it."

"You mean Oliver?"

She nodded slowly "Yes, I'm not looking for an easy way out of my engagement, but if I ever did change my mind, then I'd be honest about it and tell Ollie. I won't run away, and/or take up with someone else just because I didn't have the guts to face him."

"I don't think of you as being like Lana in anyway Lo, not even a little bit, and I don't want to save you, I just..." He paused, looked down at the table then up and into her eyes "I love you Lois." She looked at him without speaking; he smiled sadly in return "I've wanted to tell you that for years, I know you don't feel the same way, but..."

"Don't Clark; don't wait for me, don't stand on the sidelines thinking that if my marriage fails that I'll turn to you. And please don't convince yourself that your life is over, because it's not." She sighed before rising "Today is the first day of your new life; and I want you to be happy."

He stood likewise and swallowed back the blockage in his throat "I can't be happy without you Lois."

"You will, when a dream first dies it hurts like hell, but one day you'll find that you're no longer content with just dreams, you'll want a real life with a real woman, and on that day you'll realise that you're just fine."

He swallowed hard at the gentle yet uncompromising tone in her voice.

She stepped forward, hugged him hard and whispered "Goodbye Clark." Then let him go and stepped away.

He grasped onto her hand, lifted his eyes to hers then closed them tight before opening them again "I..." he trailed of helplessly, squeezed her hand and let go.

He stood with his back to the road, unable to watch her drive out of his life. When the sound of her car was no longer discerned with normal hearing, he took one deep breath, then another and another. There was only place he wanted to go, one place he wanted to be. Uncaring about witnesses or anything else, he shot up into the sky and flew towards the fortress.

oOo

"Clarks been gone for a while now." Martha's voice dropped quietly into the room.

"I think after talking to Lois, he went somewhere to be alone."

"Where..." She stopped and let out a soft sigh "You mentioned he had an apartment in the fortress, do you think..."

Smallville nodded and scrubbed his hands over his face "Yeah I do, that place was like a haven to him for years, so I think that's where he'd go to now." He looked at his mom and smiled morosely "The first day after I told all of you what was going on, he and I talked in the loft afterwards. He said that if we couldn't fix this, that he was going to leave Lana and ask for a divorce. I told him that I wasn't going to accept that this was now our life, and he nodded in agreement, but I think he was scared to hope in case it didn't work out; and now..."

"You think he believes that he's lost the one chance that he had." She asked sorrowfully.

"Yes, I've tried to imagine how he feels but I can't. He told me that I was more Lois' fiancée because my memories aren't clouded with marriage to Lana, whereas his are; and in a way he's absolutely right. Only a few days ago he discovered that Lois had been his fiancée, at the point in time that is directly related to his elopement with Lana; given that he's loved Lo for years, that has to be eating at him."

"And you?"

He nodded minutely "Similar, I'm not married to Lana, but I'm just as culpable as her and Clark. She went back and changed our lives, but she couldn't have done it in the first place, if we hadn't left ourselves wide open to her." He smiled in melancholy "None of this would be happening now if I hadn't been so dammed gullible years ago."

"Sweetie, you're not the first boy to have a lot of idealistic day dreams about love centred around the girl that you like, and you won't be the last."

"I know mom, I just wish that I'd been wiser, and less sentimental when it came to Lana." He smiled faintly.

"There's nothing wrong with being sentimental honey."

"There is when you become blind to everything around you, except the one person you're fixated on." He disputed softly.

She nodded in agreement "I know that you and Clark are essentially one person, or you used to be; but do you think that if either of you had dreamt of your life with Lois years ago, that you would have married Lana anyway?"

"Yes." He replied simply without hesitation. At the crestfallen cast to her face, he shrugged apologetically "You remember what we were like mom..." She nodded heavily "Nothing anyone said or Lana did, so much as dented our feelings for her. I've read Clark's journals, and I've lived the life that he's dreamt about, but I can tell you that regardless of all that, we would have been upset that it wasn't Lana who was part of our future. So yes, I think we would have married her, to ensure that she was." He swallowed hard and lifted his eyes to hers "Thank god that never happened because if it did..." He trailed off and shook his head.

"It didn't sweetie, so just be thankful for that."

He nodded, and blew out a deep breath "The difference between Clark and me is that we're coming at everything from two different perspectives." At the curious look on her face he explained further "We're both angry at Lana, but it's a lot more personal for him than it is for me; do you know what I mean?"

She nodded "Yes, he feels all the more betrayed by her, since he's the one that's married to her."

"Yeah, and although we both love Lois, he can only remember our life with her from a distance. No matter how real his memories of being with her are, his life and marriage to Lana are just as real; and you've all lived through it" She nodded sadly, he smiled regretfully "There are also some things that he can't remember. He's tried and I've filled in the blanks, but it's not the same."

"No it's not." Martha agreed softly "If I lost memories of my life with your father, it would hurt a lot, and someone else telling me about it, wouldn't make up for losing that which was so precious to me."

"Yeah, if I lost any memories of my life with Lo..." Smallville rolled his shoulders "I'm furious that everything I've done for the past 8 years is gone, just wiped out. I try not to think about it, but the knowledge is always there in the back of my mind. On the flip side, Clark was relieved that the past 8 years of his life were going to be reversed because he didn't want to remember them. He felt free for the first time in 6 years and now..."

"He's given up, hasn't he sweetie?"

"I think so mom." He sighed, pressed his lips together and tried to smile but the effort was half-hearted at best "When he found out that Lois was gone he didn't appear very affected; admittedly I wasn't looking so could be wrong but..."

"You're not wrong." She concurred quietly "Almost automatically he seemed to shut down..." She stopped and closed her eyes tight before opening them "...the same way that he did when Lois came to visit the first time after she returned to America, and he saw her again."

He nodded slightly "Yeah, he argued with me, but otherwise seemed to show very little emotion. He's so used to hiding his feelings, that it's almost second nature for him now."

"But he's been different the last few days; he's been more open and happy than he has been for years."

"That was when he believed there was a chance; slim but a chance just the same that all would be well. But now he's back to hiding and shutting down just as he did before, which tells me that he's given up." He put in softly.

Martha swallowed back the tears at knowing that her boy was hurting so badly, and yet didn't feel that he could even reach out to her for comfort. "What about you sweetie, I don't blame you for being angry, not at all; but do you feel like there's no hope?"

He shook his head firmly "No mom, I don't. When Lois first left I did; actually to be honest I did for a couple of hours after that, but I refuse to believe that Lana is going to win this. However, it's easier for me to have faith because I haven't felt trapped for years like he has."

She nodded and leant forward to press her lips against his forehead "I'm glad honey."

He smiled minutely "I'll give him a little while to be alone mom because he needs it right now, but I'm not going to let him stew for long. I'll go and talk to him, make him believe just as all of us do, and then I'll bring him home."

She let out a watery smile "Thank you, I know that everything's going to be alright honey; if not with Lana's help, then without it, but until then I want both my boys here with me."

He leant forward to press his lips against her cheek "You're the best mom a man could ever have."

"I'll be the best mom, if I take any chance I'm given to kick that little witch's ass for hurting my sons." She smiled and pushed his hair off his brow.

He let out a surprised shout of laughter "Mom!"

"I said ass and meant it." She nodded firmly

He grinned for the first time since Lois' departure "The absolute best."


	31. Chapter 31

Well folks here are the final two chapters of this story. Please be aware in chapter 31 there is a sex scene, so you'll have to bypass that section of it if you don't like that stuff.

Linda

oOo

**Chapter 31**

After closing the door at his back, Clark looked around at all the familiar things and felt the tears well up and splash down his cheeks. He'd managed to quell them back at the farm, he'd suppressed them while talking to Lois, but now that he was alone, here inside his apartment, he could no longer hold back the sobs that tore out of his heart.

All around him was the illusion that he'd created; and knowing that this was as close as he'd ever get to get to experience in reality the life that he'd only ever dreamt of with Lois, the barriers that he'd erected since finding out she'd left the farm crumbed. He slid down the wall, sat on the floor and cried for everything that he'd never had, and never would.

When the tempest was over, and his tears were reduced to a drizzle, he rubbed his hands over his eyes and cheeks before looking around the room once again. Pushing up from the floor, he wearily trudged over to the coffee table, grabbed a handful of tissues to wipe his eyes and blow his nose then began to tidy up. After everything was put away where it belonged in the lounge room cum dining area, he stepped into the bedroom and did the same. Once done, he sat at the little table and looked around the bedroom.

He could almost see and hear his and Lois' ghosts in here; they had loved and argued, talked, laughed and slept in each other's arms in a room almost the duplicate of this one. Pulling out Smallville's wallet, he looked at the picture of them again. Seeing the love that she'd felt for him so openly displayed on her face, caused his eyes to blur. Lois was right, the woman in this picture was gone, and he was no longer that man. He had been split, just as Lois and he had been torn apart, and their life together was no more.

Lois thought that he wanted to feel needed, wanted to save her, but she had it backwards; it was him that needed to be saved, and she was the only one who could do it. His finger traced over her face before he closed the wallet, placed it on the table, pushed back the chair and walked to the bed. After removing his shoes, he lay down and looked up at the ceiling.

He wouldn't have any more dreams since he'd already experienced everything that had happened in his and Smallville's lives up to the night before his twin arrived. From now on he would have to live with memories only. He would do his training, he would become Superman, but he wouldn't look for another love. He'd found the one he wanted, the one he needed, and if the only way he could be with Lois was by remembering their life together, a life that was now gone then he would.

His mom and Chloe had tried to make them hang onto optimism that all would well, but he couldn't. For a few days he'd had hope, and that was more than he'd had in years, so although things hadn't worked out the way that he wanted, he still felt somewhat rewarded.

Just knowing that Lois **had** loved him as much as he loved her, knowing that all he'd dreamt of their life had been real, was more than he'd had before his twin arrived, and it was more than he'd ever have again; so he would learn to be content with it.

It was easier for him to accept the situation than Smallville. His twin hadn't learnt to live with unhappiness, he didn't know how to cope with a heart that ached with every beat, and he hadn't become a master at portraying the fallacy that he was perfectly alright on the outside, while his insides felt shredded. He'd had personal experience with all of those, so he'd once again cope the same way that he'd been doing for years; and at least he still had something. He had this apartment, which from now on he would now always think of as his and Lois' place, he had almost every step of their relationship recorded in his journals, and he had his memories. He would keep each one safe in his heart, and he would never forget.

Unaware that tears were sliding down the side of his face and soaking into the pillow, he turned over, closed his eyes, and Lois' face was there. He slipped into sleep oblivious to the tears that continued to trickle from under his closed lashes, as visions of their life together danced in his mind.

oOo

Lana stood up from the kitchen table, stretched then walked into and around the lounge room. Her hand glided over the back of the couch, over the spines of the books in the bookcase, her eyes bounced from the television to the coffee table then came to rest on the mantle. Stepping over, she looked at each of the photos in turn, before picking up one that had been taken shortly after she and Clark were married. He had one arm wrapped around her waist, she had one around his, and both their faces shone with the promise and happiness of their coming life together. Looking at their faces, it didn't seem possible that this couple were now over.

She placed the picture back on the mantle then looked at the next. This one had been taken a few years later, and the difference was vast. Lois had taken this picture when she'd first come to the farm after travelling. Clark hadn't wanted it taken but she had. She'd wanted Lois to see how happy they were, how right they looked together, but seeing it now, really looking at it for the first time, made her sad. Clarks smile was dimmer, the happiness on his face faded. His arms hung at his sides, but hers were wrapped around him as she cuddled into his side; and it was clear that although she was clinging to him, he wasn't clasping her back.

Pushing down the lump that grew in her throat, she turned away and walked into the bedroom, then proceeded to walk through the rest of the house before coming back to the lounge room and taking a seat on the couch.

Everywhere she looked were memories of her life with Clark. Although he'd been indifferent to her for years, when they'd first bought this house he hadn't been. He'd painted the interior of the house within minutes, and had jokingly bowed when she'd clapped and whistled. They had gone shopping together to pick out the furniture, and knickknacks, none of it expensive, but all of it theirs, and that was all that had been important. Their house had become a home, and they'd been happy for a little while.

She was going to lose all of this, but who gave a damn anyway. This house had only been important because it had been hers and Clark's, and now that he was gone, she didn't want to live here without him.

She could wait all day, she could wait every day for the rest of her life, but in this timeline he wasn't going to come back to her.

He'd told her that he wasn't going to wait for her to reverse the spell to be with Lois, and that was a like a knife in her heart. It had been bad enough knowing that he'd been sleeping with Lois when he was engaged to the woman, but thinking of her husband with anyone other than her wasn't something she could bear to live with.

No more vacillation, no more hoping or wishing things were different; they weren't. Clark had told her last night the choice was hers. Either she did it or they would. Well it would take her a little time to get ready, but she was going to do it.

oOo

J'onn continued to dig, disregarding any memories that weren't relevant. He frowned for a moment, his mind focused, sharpened then quick as a snake, grasped onto the memory he'd found. It wasn't **the** spell but it was **a** spell that Lana had used in the past.

Coming back to the present, he opened his eyes and rolled his shoulders. He'd been right, the memories of magic were there, but they were deeply hidden. However, he'd found this, so he would find others. When Lana's present thoughts began to sink into his mind, his lips curled upward in relief. Finally!

Closing the book with a snap, he stood up and flew back to the farm.

oOo

Dianna blew out a deep breath, and began reading the spell once again. She frowned at the words, shook her head and continued reading. There was a pattern here, if she could just figure it out but...she pushed back the chair, strode over to the window and looked outside.

"Are you ok Dianna?"

Turning around she smiled at the woman who was sitting beside the chair she'd just vacated "I'm fine Chloe, I know there's a pattern so I'm just trying to let my mind rest for a minute, before coming back and looking at it with clear eyes."

Chloe smiled in understanding, stood and stretched "I'm just going to the ladies, and will be back shortly."

Nodding Dianna turned back to look outside once again, rubbed her eyes tiredly then returned to her seat to begin reading once again.

When Chloe returned to the room, it was to find Dianna with lips curved upward in a smile and a look of triumph on her face "You figured it out."

Dianna nodded in satisfaction "Yes I did, and it's so simple that I can't believe it's taken me so long to see it."

Rushing over to the desk Chloe stood beside her friend, looked down at the words and shook her head "Well I still don't see anything, so kudos for figuring it out." She smiled tentatively, but with hope blooming on her face "Please tell me that we can do it; the guys are worried that Lana will be spiteful and won't."

Dianna's grin widened "They don't have to worry about that Chloe, we can do it."

Almost squealing in excitement, Chloe leapt and pulled Dianna into a hug, all but dancing on the spot "Let's go tell them, and you can explain it to all of us."

Nodding in excitement, Dianna picked up the paper and walked out of the room with Chloe hard on her heels.

oOo

Chloe and Dianna walked into the lounge room then made their way into the kitchen at the sound of voices.

"I was just about to call you both, we'll be having dinner in a little while, but for now would either of you care for some coffee and biscuits?" Martha smiled in welcome.

They accepted with pleasure, quickly taking seats at the table. Reaching out to touch Smallville on the arm, Chloe smiled gently "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok Chlo; I can't say that I haven't felt better, but I have faith everything's going to work out." He replied with a small smile.

After pouring each lady a coffee, Martha handed the mugs over and took her seat; while the two women helped themselves to milk and sugar "Well we've got some good news, but we'll wait for Clark; is he..."

"He's not here Chlo."

Chloe's face fell "Where is he?"

"I think he's gone to the fortress to be alone for a little bit."

Chloe nodded in understanding but couldn't suppress the excitement she felt "Well then I guess you'll have to go and tell him that Dianna's figured out the spell."

Smallville and Martha looked at each other before swinging around to face their friends; the astonishment and pleasure on their faces clear to see.

Dianna grinned "Indeed I have, so..."

She was cut off by the arrival of J'onn, who materialised beside the table and smiled at all present "Lana is going to reverse the spell."

After the first shock of his presence and his words were over, they all began to laugh. At J'onn's perplexity Smallville grinned and waved him to a seat "I knew that you would all be happy but..."

"Sorry J'onn; Dianna had just finished telling us that she's figured out the reversal when you popped up." Smallville chimed in before anyone could speak.

He thanked Martha for the coffee that was placed in front of him, then turned to his friend and bowed "Very well done Dianna; I was able to read Lana to know that she was going to do it, but how it is to be done was not something that I was able to discern."

"It was easy once I found the pattern" Dianna replied before turning to Smallville "The good news is that we can do it, or you can leave it up to Lana if you wish."

He chewed his lip for a moment before turning to J'onn "Are you absolutely sure that she won't change her mind J'onn."

"I do not believe so my friend. Once she was able to move past her unhappiness that Clark has left her, she thought about it, wavered back and forth for a while, but is now determined to do it." He paused and coughed lightly "She cannot bear the thought of her husband and you by extension, being with Lois now, so has decided to reverse the spell and wait in the hope that one day you will love her again."

At the lifted brows and curious faces surrounding the table Smallville flushed "Um Clark told Lana that he and I were going to share Lois, so that she'd realise that whether she reversed the spell or not, it wasn't going to stop us from being with her."

Martha's mouth dropped open, Dianna's brows lifted higher, while Chloe let out a choked giggle "Well it must have worked."

J'onn tilted his head in acknowledgment and placed the book on the table, at their astonishment he smiled lightly "I asked Clark to retrieve it for me before he came back to the house and he did so..." He looked between mother and son "You believe he has gone to the fortress to be alone, that he has given up all hope, yes?"

Chloe looked swiftly between Martha and Smallville; and at his nod, felt her heart ache that her friend wasn't at the fortress to be alone for a little bit, but to hide from the world.

"I am not surprised by this. He has had many thoughts while I have been here; sometimes off regret, mostly of hope and half formed wishes, but there was always a little doubt as well. Unfortunately, he has learnt it is safer not to let his expectations become too high, in the event they come crashing down." J'onn paused at the sadness on the faces surrounding him "It is sad but understandable."

"Yes it is." Martha replied softly "I just wish that he wasn't so closed off."

J'onn reached out and clasped her hand "He doesn't mean to be Martha; but his unhappiness over the years has taught him to guard his feelings very carefully, and now he finds it difficult to turn to anyone when he is hurting."

"But I'm his mom."

Smallville put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a one armed hug "He loves you mom, he's just not comfortable opening up anymore."

"I know; it's just...the last few days I've had the old Clark back, the one who was happy and open. But when he found out that Lois was gone, he closed right up again, and now he's by himself..." She broke off and finished softly "I hate what all of this has done to him."

Chloe swallowed back the lump that grew in her throat "He'll be alright Martha, when the spell is reversed, Clark won't even remember this life and he'll be that man again."

The other woman smiled lightly and sniffed.

Dianna reached out, clasped the older woman's free hand and sent a fleeting smile to Smallville "I have worked with Kal in the Justice League for almost a year now, and I know that he is a strong man who doesn't easily give in to adversity; so I know that Clark will be ok."

"She's right mom, if Dianna hadn't figured out the reversal or if Lana was the only one who could do it, I wouldn't have just accepted that Lois and my life was gone without doing everything I could to get them back. And Clark is me; it might have taken him a little longer to come to the same conclusion, but he would have and then he'd fight to just as hard to reclaim his life as well."

Martha looked at each person and smiled gratefully "Thank you; I mean that from the bottom of my heart; thank you all." She pressed her lips to Smallville's cheek "Sweetie from the time you first arrived, my other Clark was happier. I know that you didn't have a choice to be here but if you hadn't gone to Jor-el that first day, he wouldn't have known the truth so quickly, so I'm grateful that you did." Turning to Chloe she smiled "You've been a true friend to my son for years, and he couldn't have been luckier than to have you in his life dear." Turning to Dianna and J'onn, she turned her hands over so that she was now clasping theirs "And if the two of you never came, never stayed to help I don't know what we would have done." With a light squeeze she released their hands, and smiled at everyone "If it wasn't for all of you being here, helping to restore both my son's lives, I don't think I could have coped knowing that my boy's were unhappy and I was unable to help them."

Dianna and J'onn smiled diffidently, Chloe proudly, and Smallville grinned "Mom's right; Clark and I are truly blessed to have all of you in our lives, and I know he feels that way too."

"Thank you my friend." J'onn coughed to clear his throat "I have some more news for you should you wish to hear it?"

Sensing the Martians uneasiness, Smallville's smile grew wider "I'd love to hear it J'onn."

He nodded, took a sip of his coffee then began "I asked Clark to retrieve the book for me, so that I could use it as a guide while tapping into Lana's memory, hoping to find any magic that might be deep in her unconscious that she was unaware off. I kept one part of my mind focused on the present, so that if she thought of the reversal I would have it, and although she thought about doing it, she never actually thought about what had to be done to bring it about." They all nodded quietly in understanding "However, I did indeed find a spell that she did in the past."

"Which one?" Chloe asked excitedly.

"Hang on J'onn before we get into this, you said that Lana is going to reverse the spell, well do you know how much time we have?" At his friends curiosity Smallville explained further "Mom and Chloe thinks it's a good idea for Clark and me to be together when it happens, so if she's going to do it now, then I have to get to the fortress."

Nodding in understanding, J'onn smiled "It will take a little time; remember when she did a spell to pass all her memories onto her younger self?" They all nodded and looked at each other with trepidation "You do not have to worry my friends, she knows how to do this, and wants to do so for a good reason. Once time is reversed everyone will forget this timeline, including Lana. She does not want her 'other self' to go back to the past and marry you again, only to be back to where she is now; as such she wishes to take the memories of this life back with her, to prevent that from happening."

Smallville grimaced "I don't know whether that's good or not; on the one hand it's good so that she doesn't try again, but on the other, I'm not comfortable with her remembering that we were married."

"She'll remember that you...or Clark who will be you again, was married to her but miserable and in love with Lois." Chloe pointed out logically "That's not something she'll want to reminisce over Smallville; she'll have the memories but she won't want to live this life again."

He blew out a deep breath and nodded "True and if she wants to pass on the memories to ensure that she doesn't try again, then it's best to let her do the reversal. If we do it then no one will remember, this will be a never ending circle and we'll all just be back here once again." They all nodded in agreement. He rolled his shoulders, rubbed his forehead and addressed J'onn "So we've got a little time."

"Yes, after she passes on the memories, Lana will reverse the spell; but from what I ascertained that will also take preparation time. It does not appear to be as easy to reverse everything, as it does to jump into the past to make it happen in the first place."

Martha frowned lightly "That makes sense, before all she did was take herself to the past, and talk her younger self into marrying Clark. But now everything has to be undone so the real timeline is reset, and that would take time."

"Yes." J'onn nodded in accord "I will show you the spell I found but first..." he turned to his friend "I have to admit my curiosity of the reversal is very strong; will you please tell us what it is Dianna."

She smiled, and pushed the paper into the centre of the table. They all leant forward, read the words and once again sat back shaking their heads.

"It is very easy..." At their looks of disbelief she drew her finger under a line of text "...you will kick yourselves for not seeing it sooner, just as I wished to do so. Every second line is the spell, and every first line read backwards is the reversal. Normally it would make sense to be the other way around but in this case..." She trailed off and grinned.

Each person read it silently, then looked at each other in disbelief "It's so easy once you know it." Chloe put in sheepishly.

Smallville nodded embarrassed "When you showed this to us this last night, I thought Lana must have studied this until her eyes bled to figure it out, and now..." he coughed lightly "...gees don't I feel stupid."

Martha laughed in genuine amusement "What pointed it out to you Dianna?"

"I don't know exactly, but it kept nagging at me that the words made no sense; being a spell I was going on the assumption they didn't have to; which of course was wrong. The words would have to mean something to work, you understand?" They all nodded "Well once I realised that, I read it through again and that was when I noticed it was the second line that kept throwing everything out. So I read every second line and knew that I had found the spell, so it was only logical that the first line had to be the reversal. However, the words still appeared to be a jumbled confusion, but after I held the book up to the mirror in the study, the words almost jumped out at me." She smiled and sat back satisfied "To do the spell you need the ingredients that are listed, for the reversal you do not. But once you have key to understanding both, then it's simply a matter of following the instructions contained within the words, on how to make either work."

"Well done Dianna" J'onn smilingly praised.

Dianna was almost red with embarrassment by the time everyone had put in their hearty congratulations. Turning to J'onn she quickly tried to get back to his discovery "Why don't you tell us what you found now."

He inclined his head "I have found the very first spell she did which caused Lois to be unconscious and..."

"Do you know why she did it J'onn?" Smallville interrupted quietly.

He inclined his head "When you became engaged to Lois she was very distressed, and only wished to turn back time so that the two of you would never have been parted." He let out a deep sigh and shook his head "She did a spell so that your true love would come to you. Basically she was trying to re-write history, so that younger self would take you back and marry you instead of Lex. However, when young Lois arrived in the future, Lana believed that because you were under the delusion that Lois was your true love, that she should have done the spell on young Clark since he knew the truth."

Smallville's lips crooked up "My true love, well it just goes to show doesn't it. When I was younger I did believe Lana was that girl, but my heart clearly knew otherwise, which is why young Lois turned up and not young Lana. It wouldn't have made any difference which Clark she did the spell on, it still would have been Lois who came to wherever I was, not her." He let out a small huff of unamused laughter "That would have shocked her to hell and back."

"I'll say; it would have shocked your younger self too." Chloe put in lightly.

He smiled in return "Yeah, it would." He turned to J'onn "That's why she tried again this time."

"Yes, when the last spell went wrong she decided that doing the spell on young Clark wouldn't have worked anyway..." At Smallville's lifted brows, J'onn shook his head "No my friend not for the same reason as you have just stated, but because it wasn't him who was resistant to the two of you being together, but her younger self."

"Which is why instead of doing the same spell on Skipper, she actually went back in time to talk to her younger self." Smallville concluded dryly. He let out a small sigh and shook his head "You said that she's going to pass on the memories so that she doesn't try again; are you sure J'onn?"

"I am my friend. She still believes that you belong together, but is willing to wait for you to discover that yourself, no matter how long that takes. She believes that once the newness of your relationship with Lois wears off..."

"Lois and I were together for over 18 months, so our relationship wasn't new." Smallville cut in exasperated.

J'onn smiled compassionately "It is to her since she has been married to Clark for 8 years, and it was only after the second year that his feelings for her began to change, so..."

"So she figures that I'll be with Lois for about two years, then one day realise I made a mistake, and run back into her arms?" He replied sarcastically then continued before anyone could respond "Talk about deluded, Clark and I have both told her that it wasn't love we felt, so why the hell doesn't she just accept that _**that**_ is the reason our feelings for her died?"

Martha rubbed his back gently but turned worried eyes to J'onn "So when he doesn't realise that he loves her again after two years, do you think she'll try again?"

"No." He shook his head lightly and smiled at his friend "She believes that if she comes between you and Lois again, that your fascination won't ever die and Lois will always be the one that go away. She truly has given up Smallville."

He snorted lightly "Only because she believes that I'm going to come to my senses one day, and realise that she's the one."

"Yeah, but whatever works Smallville." When he looked at Chloe in curiosity, she smiled in delight "Firstly, if she's willing to wait however long for you to discover that she's the one, then she's out of your hair for life; and secondly even if she becomes impatient and wants to try again, she won't be able to do anything, because you and Clark are going to destroy the book."

He smiled and nodded "True, thanks Chlo." She winked and tilted her head in return.

J'onn opened the book, thumbed through the pages until he found the leaf he'd put in as a marker, then placed the book on the table and pointed "This is the spell that she used which caused you so much worry last month. As you can see it is not complicated..."

Smallville scrutinised the words and shook his head "It's not complicated but it turned my life upside down for almost a week, made Lois scared that she was going to go fall into a coma again for no rhyme or reason, and worried everyone 8 years ago when she wouldn't wake up." He exhaled heavily and raked a hand through his hair "Anything else?" At J'onn's headshake "Well I'd better go, I don't know how much longer it's going to be, but I'll feel better if I'm at the fortress with Clark before anything happens."

Everyone rose to their feet and after receiving a hug and wishes for both himself and Clark from Chloe, a handshake from J'onn, a smile and hand clasp from Dianna, he turned to his mom.

Martha stepped forward and hugged her son hard before pressing her lips against his cheek "I love you sweetie."

"I love you too mom."

"Please tell Clark that I love him."

"I will."

She pulled back, and cupped his face in her hands "Even if nothing happens tonight, please don't become impatient; I want the two of you to stay together no matter what, promise."

"We will mom, but J'onn's been here for almost 30 minutes and now..." he looked at the wall clock and smiled "...it's almost 6.30. So I'm giving her two hours. Hopefully that should be more than enough time to do whatever she has to, but if nothing happens by 8.30 then Clark and I will do it ourselves."

"Smallville..." He looked over at J'onn "If she hasn't done it by 8.30, I shall still be here since nothing has changed. In that case I will go and find out what the hold-up is, just to ensure that Lana hasn't changed her mind, then I will come to the fortress and tell you both. If need be I will tap into her mind and push her harder to do the reversal, but if you and Clark do it, Lana won't remember and this will start all over again."

He nodded in agreement "Push her hard if you have to J'onn." His friend smiled.

After kissing his mom on the forehead, he picked up the book, made his way to the door and pulled it open, but turned back to smile at the rooms occupants before stepping through "No one will remember this; well except for Dianna probably, so I want to thank all of you now on behalf of Clark, Lois and me, because we won't remember to do so afterwards." They smiled in reply, and with a last swift look of gratitude to all, he stepped out the door and was gone.

oOo

Clark's eyes opened, and started listlessly at the ceiling. He didn't know how long he'd been sleeping and didn't much care. Turning his head to the side, he saw the photo on the bedside table that had been taken at Oliver's birthday party and smiled sadly. Although Lois hadn't loved him then, anymore than she did now, neither had he lost her as completely as he'd done today.

She had been kind, she had been nice but he still felt like his heart had been ripped in two. Sitting up on the edge of the bed, he picked up the frame and stared at the photo. Lois; if he hadn't been so terrified of the future when he was younger, he would have let his childish infatuation for Lana run its course and moved on. But instead of just letting go when it was patently clear that she was all wrong for him, he'd continued to cling, so certain that she was the one who'd make his life complete; make him feel less alone and different.

And that was the biggest joke of all; before they dated, while they dated, after they dated, Lana had never made him feel anything but different. Not in a 'you're special and I love you for it' way like his parents and Chloe had done, but in a way that made him hate himself all the more for being an alien. At first he'd wanted to be normal for himself, but soon after getting to know Lana his agenda changed. Her endless questions, continual distrust and dogmatic refusal to accept him without dissecting every word he'd uttered, had made him want to be normal more for her sake than for his. What it really came down to, was that he'd wanted to be ordinary just to shut her up. At the time he hadn't thought of it like that, but taking away all the grandiose flowery bullshit, that's what he'd wanted; just peace and to feel accepted by her. Instead he'd felt like an outsider and lonely with her. Yet even with all of that, he still wouldn't give up.

Lois was right; he'd magnified his feelings for Lana until they were no longer based in reality. The more obstacles there were in the path of them being together, the higher his adulation for her grew and the more ridiculous his flights of fancy became. Instead of seeing that Lana and he just didn't fit, and never would, he'd turned his childish crush into a teenage epic love story, with all the associated villains out to keep them apart.

He'd had the wicked alien father who tried all sorts of way to part him away from the girl he idolised, the evil meteor people who were always out to get her, the array of boyfriends that could never appreciate her as he would, and finally, the dastardly Lex Luthor who'd stolen his true love. It was a wonder that he hadn't taken to walking around Smallville in a suit of armour, with a broad sword clasped in one hand, and Lana clasped to his breast with the other, while he battled all the dragons trying to take the fair maiden away from him.

Could he have been any more of an idiot? Yes he could.

He'd done so many stupid thoughtless things just to hold onto Lana, but the ultimate folly was marrying her. It had only taken 15 minutes from the time they entered the JP's house, to when they walked back out as husband and wife, but those 15 minutes had changed his whole life for the worst. He'd lost his fiancée, his future, everything that mattered, all in the space of 15 minutes.

While Lois was unconscious in the medical centre, he'd been eloping with the person who was responsible for putting her there in the first place. While he had been trying to make young Lois believe in the sincerity of his love for her older counterpart, his younger self was reciting his vows. Then to make matters complete, after he'd sabotaged his and Lois future, he'd defended doing so when they fought after she woke up. He'd been ignorant at the time of just what he'd done, but remembering now that he'd argued with Lois on his and Lana's behalf caused his heart hurt all the more.

In 15 minutes he'd lost everything, and every day that he'd been unhappy he'd regretted those 15 minutes and wished them undone. Only a few days ago when he'd learnt that all his dreams of Lois and he happily together had been his real life, and still would be if not for his marriage, he'd felt more downcast then he knew it was possible to be. But now that Lois had told him unequivocally that there was no future for them, those 15 minutes felt like an endless punishment for turning his back on love, so that he could embrace the fable he'd spent years cultivating.

Swallowing hard, he traced Lois' face with his finger before placing the frame back on the bedside table. He switched on the CD player, walked into the lounge room, and made his way directly to the bookcase. After plucking out a journal, he read the first few lines, shook his head, put it back and picked up another two books away. Reading the opening paragraph, he was pleased to find that he'd replaced all the journals in their correct order after his twin had taken them all out, then turned to take a seat on the couch.

Flipping until he found the page that he wanted, he read the first bit and smiled slightly; he'd always documented every detail of his dreams. He'd wanted to record everything as a story, so that after he was long gone, should anyone find his rooms, they would also find his journals and read a story that was slightly unconventional, but full of love nevertheless. They'd read about a man who wasn't from earth, who had powers and gifts, but who's happiness lay in the palm of an ordinary human woman who was exceptional to him.

Sadly they would also read about that man's heartache, his marriage to the wrong woman, the years of bleakness and despair, but it was all part of the story of his life, and he'd recorded it all.

His hand smoothed over the open pages of the book gently. Today Lois had told him that she didn't love him, and then she'd told him goodbye. However, recorded in this journal he had the memory of another time when she told him that she didn't love him, but that time when she tried to distance herself, he hadn't taken his departure gracefully. The circumstances between the two times were completely different, then he'd fought to keep her, but then he'd also had the right to do so. He'd managed to coax her into giving their relationship a chance knowing how he felt, and only a few months later, she'd fallen in love with him in return.

Turning his eyes back to the page, he found the opening of the text and began to read while his mind conjured up every moment, of every word that he was taking in. He could see it, he could feel it, and he could easily recall both through his memories. Closing his eyes, he leant his head back against the couch headrest, and re-lived it once again.

He'd been pacing around his apartment like a tiger in a cage for two hours now. Ok, so he'd told Lois that he loved her, and she had been avoiding him. Anytime he tried to start even the most casual of personal talk, she'd deflected it back to work.

He'd only seen her at work, where she only spoke about work since the night she'd left his apartment. Actually left was too polite for it; she'd all but run as if the hounds of hell were at her heels when he said that he loved her. The words had slipped out, ok that was bull. He'd wanted to tell her for the longest time, and couldn't hold the words back any longer. However, instead of getting any of the reactions he'd imagined; the best one being that she felt the same way but had been waiting for him to say it first, the reaction he'd received had been less than flattering. Lois had jumped from the bed as if scolded, proceeded to dance around the room to avoid having to stop when he reached out to hold her still, continued gabbling a bunch of nonsense about forgetting something, growled when she was unable to re-fasten her bra catch, wrenched it off, threw her dress over her head, shoved her bra and panties into her purse, and zoomed out the door.

Since then she hadn't so much as pecked his cheek when they were alone, brushed his arm when walking past his desk, or made him any of her disgusting cookies or cakes. From the first night they slept together, they'd hardly spent a night apart, but he certainly didn't feel welcome to spend the night with her lately, nor did he have the impression that she was going to stay at his apartment any time soon. In fact, he was pretty sure that she had no intention of changing the status quo of their sleeping arrangements any time in the foreseeable future.

He wondered if she was hoping that being a man, he'd be happy to avoid a confrontation, and after getting pissed off with her avoidance tactics, just tell her that he wanted to break up. If that was what she was aiming for, then she was out of luck. He'd been giving her space, he'd done so for three days, but enough was enough; they were going to talk.

He didn't care if he had to pin her down, and he wasn't going to let Superman stand in his way either; unless it was the most dire of emergencies he'd let the professionals handle it. They'd been handling it long before he arrived and would do so long after he was gone. He was taking this time for himself. His girlfriend was avoiding him, possibly trying to get him to dump her, or thinking of how she could dump him, and as he had no intention of losing her, he was going to make her talk, come hell or high water.

Spinning into his suit, he flew to her apartment, scanned inside and found her lying on the couch watching TV; good. She wasn't busy and couldn't pretend otherwise. But the news wasn't so good for him; she was wearing short jean shorts, ones that displayed her long sleek legs to perfection. Legs that gave him visions of them wrapped around his waist while the two of them rolled around naked. She'd teamed her shorts with an old t-shirt, one that had seen better days, and was just tight enough to proclaim that Lois had the most fantastic breasts he'd ever seen. Her bare feet and painted toe nails just added to the overall enticing picture that she represented.

Great! His girlfriend was dressed like every man's wet dream and he needed to talk to her. Feeling his briefs become a little more snug; he sighed and rolled his eyes. This was just perfect; he wanted to have a serious discussion, and right now he'd be lucky if he could string two words together without sounding like a gibbering idiot.

He thought about flying to the arctic for a quick dip but shook his head, they were going to talk; he was going to keep his mind on the conversation and off her body. He wanted more than her body, he wanted everything, and he wasn't going to let himself be distracted by the chocolate box packaging.

Flying to the nearest vacant alley, he spun into his jeans and t-shirt then jogged back to her apartment building. Standing outside her door; he did a quick scan, found that she hadn't moved an inch, slipped the key in the lock, opened the door, and saw her shoot up to a sitting position "Clark, um hi, we didn't have plans tonight, did we?" Her voice was a tad unsure and a little bit nervous.

"No, but we haven't seen each other for three days and...work doesn't really count." He quickly put in when her mouth opened "Anyway, I thought I'd come over and spend some time with my girlfriend." Deciding to treat the situation as they normally did, he closed the door, strode over, slipped his arm around her waist, pulled her to him for a quick hard kiss then made himself comfortable beside her on the couch "What are you watching Lo?" He'd felt the resistance of her lips against his, and although he'd been tempted to pull her back for a longer, deeper kiss, he'd let her go instead.

"Oh, it's just a movie but it's really boring." Picking up the remote, she turned the TV off and stood up "Umm, you know, I really need to talk to you but I've been…"

"Avoiding me?" He asked wryly.

"Busy." She said at the same time he did; then sighed in resignation "Busy avoiding you, yeah."

"Well you have said that talking can be a waste of time." He patted the couch and gave her an inviting smile "Why don't you come back here and we can communicate another way."

"NO! Sorry I mean…" She blew out a breath, flushed at her outburst, coughed and walked to the window.

"Lo." She turned around and he smiled casually "You're kind of tense, so why don't I give you a massage. I'll rub your back, shoulders and neck to get all the knots out and I'll give your legs a nice rub as well; after all they must get tired with all the standing and walking you do…" He saw her swallow, heard her heart pick up, felt his jeans tighten a little but kept going "…and I promise to turn you over and smooth the lotion over your collar bones, giving them a nice gentle rub before moving down to your breasts. I'll be extra gentle there; stroking and smoothing, rubbing softly into the tissue and …."

"Stop!" She held up a shaking hand then turned and walked to the window to inhale deeply and slowly several times. He watched her carefully, hoping that she wasn't going to say what he thought she was, then swore silently when she turned back to face him with an apologetic 'kiss off' look, confirming his suspicions.

When her mouth opened he decided to spike her guns and talk first "Have you been getting enough sleep lately?"

"What?" She asked confused.

"I just wondered because you look a little tired, and I haven't slept much the last few nights either, so maybe we should just go to bed and get a good night's sleep."

"Umm actually Clark…"

"Yes." He asked in a polite but resigned voice then settled back into the cushions, hoping he was giving the impression of complete unconcern.

She scratched her chin and ran her hand through her hair "I was thinking that we shouldn't date anymore."

"Can I ask why?" His heart ached that she wanted to break up, but his head knew that he wasn't going to let her go.

"Well, it's not really working out and …."

"Everything was working just fine a few nights ago." He cut in politely.

"I suppose, but I've been thinking about it and we're really different Clark. We'll end up ….."

"In what way?" He cut her off again, and at her blank looked pressed harder "In what way are we different?"

"In lots of ways, lots and lots of ways; the two of us are like umm…." She trailed off, and paced around the lounge room

"Hot fudge and Halibut?" He asked with a touch of cynicism and when she flushed and shrugged, he sighed "Lois is this because I said that I love you; if so...?"

"No of course not…." Her pulse jumped and he knew that she was lying "...I'm sure you just got caught up in the moment." She coughed lightly "I didn't think you really meant love, as in y'know 'love'..." she crooked her fingers and gave a one shoulder shrug.

_Ok, so she was trying to convince herself that he'd been caught up in the moment of having sex when he said that he loved her. However, since he'd told her after they'd had sex and not in the moment, and he hadn't said it to try and get her into bed since she was already there, she knew that he meant love as in 'love' but was trying to scurry away from it._

"...but you did say there'd be no hard feelings if it didn't work out remember?" She finished in a hopeful voice.

_So she wanted out of the relationship either because she was scared of his feelings, or because she loved him too and was scared of her own, well he wasn't going to make this easy on her._

"I remember, so you won't mind if I start dating other women then?" He asked in a carefree voice, lifting his brows in courteous enquiry.

"You're a free agent again so you can date whoever you want to." She smiled slightly, this time her pulse didn't jump, and he silently cursed once again.

_So she didn't care if he dated other women, shit! She was scared of HIS feelings or maybe; oh fuck, forget it_.

"Not quite it seems." He said pointedly ensuring that she couldn't mistake his meaning and noted the look of discomfiture on her face. "I'm happy dating you, but you want us to break up, so I can't date whoever I want to." He corrected quietly.

"But it'll be good Clark. I mean we only started going out because you said that you were uncomfortable with women you didn't know; but I can say with confidence that you're a fun date, you won't have any problems." She smiled widely and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm so much fun that you wanna break up." He reminded her calmly.

She bit her lip and held out her hand in appeal "But that's not because of you, it's me and…."

He winced and shook his head slowly cutting her off "Please don't give me that speech Lois."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. What I'm trying to say is that seeing me every day at work and in your free time, must get a little monotonous. You're a young single man with the world at your feet, don't you wanna get out there, play the field?"

He heard the note in her voice, the way she tried to make the prospect sound enticing, and played along nodding slowly "I hadn't thought of it like that." At the relieved smile on her face, he asked a question of his own "And what about you, are you ready to get back into dating hell again?"

Her lips crooked up in a half smile "Yeah I think so, nothing ventured and all that y'know?"

His lips stretched into a smile, his head tilted in assent, but his mind was ticking over with one clear message _no fucking way was any man getting their hands on his woman._

He wondered if she could read his mind because she shot him a look of unease "I hope you understand Clark."

_He understood a lot more than she realised_ "I understand." He replied in the blandest voice he could manage.

Her expression relaxed "Thanks, I thought you would." She sighed in relief, but not quietly enough that he didn't hear it.

"Oh I'm a pretty understanding guy." The sarcasm in his voice was barely noticeable but there just the same. When her eyes searched his, he kept his face impassive, not showing the smouldering emotions churning deep inside.

When she didn't find anything untoward in his expression, she smiled again "Umm so I'll see you at work tomorrow ok?"

"Mmm, quick question, do you have a date already?" He got to his feet, tucked his hands in his pockets, rocked lightly on his heels; ensuring to keep his posture and voice carefully neutral.

"No of course not, I wouldn't do that before talking to you first, but now that I have well…..." She trailed off into silence.

"So, someone's asked you out already, anyone I know?" He asked civilly.

"Yeah but I said no, so y'know…." She shrugged "….it's not really important." Her pulse stayed steady, so he knew that she wasn't intending to run into another man's arms, but he was pissed off that a man who knew that Lois and he were dating had asked her out anyway.

_And it WAS important to him_ "Who was it?" He asked casually.

"It doesn't matter Clark, I told him no." Lois replied again, this time rolling her eyes comically at men and their territorial games. He smiled and nodded but wasn't in the least amused.

_She clearly had the erroneous impression that he was more than fine with them breaking up and other men asking her out, she'd soon find out otherwise._

"But now that you're free again, you can say yes when men ask you out; that's good." _LIKE HELL!_ He waved his hand at the front door "I didn't bolt the door when I came in, so you'd better lock it now don't you think?"

"I guess, but aren't you…" She gestured toward the door but he shook his head "I'll use the window." He smiled genially.

"Ok, and hey thanks again Clark, you're really great, I'll see you tomorrow ok?" She sent him a big smile, waved casually, turned and walked to the door to lock and bolt the latches.

Once her back was turned, the smile slipped from his face. _Forget it baby, you're mine!_ His parents had brought him up to be a gentleman but fuck that, she was running scared and he had to get her back.

Because she'd been around, and watched while he allowed Lana to chase him off for years, she thought that he'd easily walk away from her too. She needed to understand that he was now a man who had no indecisiveness in his feelings, one who faced his uncertainties head on, and he wasn't going to let her go. With Lana it had been easy to make one excuse after another for why they couldn't be together. He'd known deep down that she wasn't the one, nor did she have it in her to give him what he needed. This time it was different, this time it was love wrapped up in need, but no longer selfish. It made no difference if Lois didn't love him, he didn't want to take anything from her, he didn't need her to keep his fears at bay; he simply needed her because he loved her.

He sped to the bedroom, took off his shoes and socks, clothes and superman suit, before putting his outer clothes back on and returning to the lounge room sans footwear. Walking up quietly behind Lois, he pushed her hair over one shoulder, bent down to press his lips against the side of her neck and slipped his hand under her t-shirt to stroke the small of her back.

She quickly turned around, but was it was already too late "Clar….." His mouth caught hers; his tongue slid in and began to ruthlessly plunder, over her teeth, and the roof of her mouth, then back to mesh and tangle with hers once again. Wrapping his arms tight around her waist he brought her flush against him.

Letting her mouth go, he moved forward, capturing her against the door before pressing his body hard against hers. Her eyes were wide, her lips moist from his kisses "Cla…" Her voice was once again cut off by his mouth plundering hers.

Grasping the bottom of her t-shirt, he pushed it up underneath her arms, unclipped the front opening of her bra and using both hands smoothed aside the cups allowing his palms and fingertips to gloss over the full round globes. They moaned into each other's mouths while tongues danced and flirted. His mouth lifted allowing her to breathe, while his lips nuzzled across her cheek and zeroed in on her earlobe. His teeth and lips nibbled and sucked on the lobe, his hands softly squeezed and massaged her breasts, his thumbs stroked over and around the nipples, encouraging them to become firmer and stiffer at his teasing.

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered; continuing to lightly roll her nipples in his fingers.

She gasped for air but didn't answer.

"Baby, do you want me to stop?" He murmured again; lifting his head to find her eyes were shut tight. He sat his open palms underneath her breasts then slid them up and over the globes, down and up again, repeating the action over and over; enjoying the full weight of her breasts in his hands, and they way they swelled slightly as her excitement increased. Lois was a very sensual woman, and in the three months they'd been sleeping together, including the two months they'd had serious petting sessions beforehand, he'd come to know her body well. He knew all her hot spots, the ones that sent her almost crazy, and the ones that had her almost purring.

"I…." She panted "…Clark, you're not…"

He let her go, stepped back minutely, grasped the bottom of his t-shirt, pulled it over his head and once again stepped forward. Clasping her hands with his he held them above her head and keeping her pressed against the door, softly chafed his chest against her breasts. She let out a deep moan and pressed her head hard into his shoulder, he groaned at the sensation of her firm ripe breasts softly massaged against his chest, while her diamond hard nipples dragged with each movement "God you feel luscious; do you like it Lo?" She nodded, her lips moved against his shoulder silently "Put your arms around me, I want your hands on my skin." He let go of her arms and they slipped around his waist, her hands stroked up and down, causing his back muscles to ripple and bunch.

His hands moved down, unsnapped the button of her shorts, slid the zipper down and tugged the material off her hips, pushing until they slipped down her legs to pool at her feet "Step out of them." He panted quietly beside her ear then reached over to unsnap and unzip his jeans, pushing them down impatiently and kicking them off. Holding her hip steady with one hand, he slipped the other between her legs, allowing his fingertips to rub and gently drag the material of her panties over her damp flesh.

She began to whimper and push down but instead of stroking her higher, his palm cupped her quietly "I want you all the time Lois." He told her softly before sliding his hands to her waist and lifting her up "Wrap your legs around my hips Lo, tighter baby." Her legs clenched tight around his hips, her head dropped heavily on his shoulder. Holding her securely, he began to move her slowly and deliberately against his erection; which was hard and aching still fettered by his briefs. He wanted to rip off the barriers they both still wore and thrust into her with a need that caused his arms to shake, but held tight to his self control, ignoring the fire in his gut. However, feeling her wetness rubbing against him, hearing the soft mewling falling from her lips, the sensation of her trying to push him inside herself; despite the impediment of their underwear caused his eyes to slam shut and his control to once again be taxed. _Soon he'd be inside her, soon her tight wet muscles would be surrounding and caressing his throbbing penis, but soon wasn't now and this wasn't about great sex; he had to show her that_.

She was all but trying to crawl inside his skin, and god knows he wanted her but he wanted more than sex, he wanted everything. She wasn't getting away and she wasn't getting rid of him. They belonged together, and if this was the only way he had to show her, then he'd use it. She'd soon find out what his real objective was, he had no intention of letting there be any misunderstandings; if she wanted the sex, she'd have to take him too. Neither of them were going to be with anyone else, and he'd be making that clear as well.

Her voice in his ear became a jumbled mixture of begging, pleading and sighing. He held her fast against the door, pressed his hips harder against hers and ignored her quiet moan. Sliding one hand underneath her bottom, he rubbed over her wet centre, fingering her softly through the panties, while his free hand slid up and tangled in her hair, before pulling her head gently off his shoulder to seal their lips together once again.

His tongue slid into her mouth, plundering and stroking, twining and rolling with hers, claiming every part of her mouth for his own. His hand slid out of her hair, down her back, around to her stomach then up to rub over her breasts, tweaking and rolling the nipples gently before sliding to her hip to hold her steady when she began to thrash around. She wrenched her mouth from his and gasping harshly tried to pull her body away from the fingers still teasing her flesh though the material of her panties behind, only to encounter his erection still pressed hard against her in the front and began to push down again.

He pressed her harder against the door, wrapped his arms firmly around her waist and slid both hands inside her panties to cup her bottom. Holding her steady and keeping her loins pressed firmly against his, he began to rock his penis against her soft wet centre. Lois let out a soft gasp, caught her teeth in her bottom lip and pressed her face hard into his neck "You like that baby?" She nodded, her arms clenched tighter around his shoulders, her legs clamped harder around his hips "So do I, but it would feel even better if I was moving slow and deep inside you; feeling your wet tight muscles gripping me when I press deeply inside, then caressing all along as pull back out again." She began to bite and suck on his neck in reply; his arms clamped her tighter against him, crushing her breasts against his chest as he continued to sway and rock their bodies together. "You fit me like a glove sweetheart, so perfect baby; your body is so perfect for mine Lois." She gasped against his neck, her teeth sank in lightly. His fingers softly clenched and released on the satiny flesh of her bottom, as their loins continued to roll and press against each others, and slamming his eyes shut tight, he held onto control by his fingertips.

She began to flail, digging her short nails into his back, and panting deeply into his neck. He slid one hand out of her panties and ran it up and down the smooth skin of her back, while the other stayed on her bottom keeping her locked tight against him.

"I want your breast in my mouth." He heard the little sob and pushed her higher "Do you want that Lo?" He asked softy "You like it when I use my hands and mouth on your breasts; sucking at the soft tissue; teasing the nipples, licking, using my teet..."

"God Clark, yes anything, please." She cried, trying to lift up, and tug his head down at one and the same time.

Grasping her waist, he lifted her up until her breasts were at mouth level then clamped onto the tip, first sucking tenderly, then harder, scraping his teeth over the nipple, swabbing his tongue back and forth over it, then sucking forcefully once again before moving to her other breast. His tongue and teeth, sucked, licked, laved and scraped over and over, while his ears enjoyed the sounds of her moans and the quiet mewling in the back of her throat.

Turning he stumbled back to the couch with Lois' arms and legs wrapped tight around him. Sitting down heavily on the edge of the seat, he tugged the t-shirt over her head, slid the bra off and tumbled them both down. His lips and teeth attacked her neck and earlobe; and shifting his body to the side, his hand slid down her torso and inside her panties.

Her voice was little more than a whisper; she was almost wheezing but still trying to speak "We….Cla….we…." Her voice trailed off when his hand settled on her mound. His mouth once again crushed hers; lips, teeth and tongue caressing and winding over each other's, while his fingers raked through the curls, tugging and massaging gently, before moving down to find heat drenched flesh.

His finger plunged into her warm wet entrance, his mouth lifted from hers and latched onto her breast again, sucking strongly. Becoming impatient with the restriction, his hand slid up to the waistband of her panties and ripped them off "Open your legs wider sweetheart." She did as he asked, his mouth clamped onto the other breast, his hand moved back down, his finger plunged back in, twisting and turning, rubbing over the tissues, but the restriction was still chafing at him "I want you on the bed." Not giving her time to reply, he lifted her up, raced into the bedroom, slipped her onto the bed, ripped of his briefs, and joined her. Kneeing her legs apart, his hand once again returned to the flesh between her thighs.

He pushed two fingers inside, rotating and plunging them in and out, moving them faster, deeper, causing the moisture to flow faster until his palm was coated. Her eyes were shut tight, her head pushed deep into the pillow, her teeth clamped on to her bottom lip. Seeing the flush on her breasts, the tell tale signs that she was on the edge, his thumb began to rasp gently against the hard blood filled nub, stroking and grazing over it. His knees pushed out, forcing her legs further apart, keeping her spread open to his hungry graze and tormenting fingers. When her hips began to lift insistently, he quickly lifted his hand to his mouth, licked the middle digit making it moist with saliva before his hand returned to the flesh between her legs. His finger flicked the very tip of the nub, before running around the soaking flesh, circling, skimming and flicking over the deep red bud again and again until she shrieked in a long loud high pitched wail.

Ignoring her shrill cry, her trembling body; his hands held her thighs firmly apart and diving down his tongue ran from the top to bottom of her sex, lapping over the whole area, between the folds, up and down, over and around. Pressing his mouth hard against her centre, his tongue and lips sucked and sipped, trying to consume every part of her, pushing her higher and higher. Letting go of one thigh, his fingers once again began to plunge in and out of her, while his tongue continued to rasp over her sex. His fingers withdrew to hold back the hood of her clitoris, allowing his tongue to lash gently against the bud, grazing over it indirectly, giving it only the most gentle of stimulation.

When she screamed again, he knelt up quickly and slammed his penis into her, withdrew and thrust back inside harder until he was in her to the hilt, then he stopped. Holding steady with his shaft sitting deep inside her passage, embraced by her trembling inner muscles clenching around him; he ignored the needs of his body, and managed to instil enough Superman authority into his voice despite the panting gasps tearing out of his chest "Open your eyes Lois."

At the command in his voice her eyes snapped open, they were now completely black, the iris's totally obliterated by the pupils "We're not breaking up." Her head shook back and forth, her mouth opened but no words came out.

"I love you baby, and you're going have to get used to it because I'm not letting you go." Holding her eyes steady with his, he began to pound into her, thrusting strong, impaling her hard over and; while deep guttural groans tore out of his throat. Her knees rose up, her feet gripped into the mattress; his hands slid down the inside of her legs, gripped her inner thighs and held them firmly apart. Leaning forward he began to slam into her, harder, faster, deeper, circling his hips, thrusting and retreating; her hips rose and fell in rhythm with his. Knowing she was close, hearing her voice pleading with him, his hips moved faster, his penis barely withdrawing before slamming forward again, her hips continued to crash into his, her body began to tremble and with a sobbing scream she finally lay gasping, heedless of him grasping her bottom to piston his hips faster and harder until his penis pushed into her one last time, milked and caressed by her twitching inner tissues.

Falling down on top of her, their breaths continued to wheeze out while their heats hammered against each others. He rolled them to their sides, but kept her loins pressed firmly against his, giving himself the pleasure of feeling every last spasm and contraction from her inner muscles around his shaft.

When she was finally still, he pulled out and let go, she fell on her back, he fell on his but kept his body in direct contact with hers and gave them both time to settle "God Lo, I can't let you go, did you really think I would?" He breathed out heavily. When his heart calmed he lifted up on one elbow and looked down at her "I won't let you go Lois, if I have to keep you in bed for the rest of your life I will, but you're not getting rid of me, or away from me."

"You're a manipulative bastard." She said softly, opening her eyes.

"Yes."

"What happened to being understanding, no hard feelings?"

"To hell with that." He bent down and dropped a quick possessive kiss on her lips "I love you and yes, I mean love as in love." His free hand lifted and sat on the side of her neck "If I have to fight you I will, if I have to fight dirty I will. I know that we're good in bed, hell we're amazing in bed and if I have to use that I will." His hand moved down to sit on her tummy, absently swirling over her soft silky skin.

"You're one of my best friends Clark, I respect you and admire everything you do as Superman, I even love you, but I'm not in love with you, I'm sorry." Her eyes showed regret, and hearing her words, seeing the truth in her expression, his heart ached.

"It doesn't matter, I love you Lois. I've been in love with you from the moment I saw you in Perry's office the first day I returned."

"But you said that we should date because we're friends and…."

"I lied; you wouldn't go out with me so I lied to get you to date me without appearing threatening." He cut in softly, while his hand moved in ever widening circles, trailing lazily over her torso and breasts then down to her tummy once again.

"You lied?" She questioned with a touch of humour.

"Yes, am I sorry for doing it; no. I can't be sorry because it was the only thing that worked." He answered quietly.

"I never guessed, not for one minute and that just makes it worse." When he shook his head, she nodded instead. She sat up, began to speak then stopped "Clark….oh hell let's put some clothes on or we'll never talk."

When she began to slide off the bed, he grasped her arm gently and pulled her back. Holding her in his arms, he floated them up, lifted the bed covers and floated them back down to the mattress, to sit against the headboard side by side. She snuggled her side of the covers under her arms, his side were thrown casually over his waist "This should do."

She nodded softly "Clark, you've always wanted forever, for as long as I've known you; that's what you've aimed for."

"I still do, but I don't need marriage Lo, I just need you, forever with you is enough."

"It won't be one day, one day you're going to feel disenchanted, angry because you'll realise that all the time you wasted on me, could have been spent building a life with someone else." She replied in a subdued tone.

He picked up her hand and held it tight "I won't ever feel that way Lo; I don't expect you to love me back, I can't say that I don't want it, but I won't demand that you do." He took a deep breath and told her the truth "I seduced you tonight because I wasn't willing to just walk away, so I used sex to keep you and I'm not sorry that I did, but I promise that I won't ever try and push you into loving me."

Her eyes smiled into his "Clark I'm a grown woman who makes her own decisions, I'm not some green girl that you wickedly enticed into bed. There have been occasions; very rare I'll admit, but there have been times when one of us didn't want to, so we haven't. That being the case, if I'd really wanted you to stop, I would have made sure that you knew, and I know that you would have respected that." He nodded, knowing that she was right.

He lifted her hand and kissed the knuckles "Yeah, but I meant what I said Lo, I promise that I won't ever try to pressure you into loving me; or making you feel guilty because you don't. I just…I love you Lois, I love you enough for both of us." He finished quietly.

"That's what you say now, but that's because it's new, one day it won't be new anymore, one day you'll grow weary." He shook his head, she stilled it with a finger against his chin "People grow weary all the time Clark, and alien or not, you're no different in that respect."

"Just give us a chance Lo, our relationship has worked so far, I can't imagine wanting more than we have right now."

"And if you get tired, fed up…?"

"I won't." He affirmed sincerely "Being together is enough for me, you're enough for me; I'd rather be with the woman I love, than build a life with someone that I don't."

"And if I never return your feelings?"

He picked her up and sat her sideways in his lap "It still won't matter as long as we're together." His lips pressed against hers softly, his tongue requested entrance and smoothly glided in when hers opened.

Their mouths moved against each other's when she suddenly pulled back "I never realised you were such a good actor, I had no idea what you were going to do when you told me to close the door." She shook her head amused.

"I know, you thought I was going to politely leave when you turned for the door." One hand stayed on her waist, the other rose up and sat on the side of her face "There was no chance of that happening, from the moment you dumped me I decided to get you into bed." He kissed her firmly then looked into her eyes "I want you and only you Lois, so what'd you say, will you take a chance on me?"

She nodded but looked steadily into his eyes "Ok, but Clark, if you ever change your mind and want out, just tell me; I won't blame you for it, ok?"

"I won't ever want out, but I'll tell you if I change my mind." He tacked on at the demand in her eyes, leaning forward to settle his mouth over hers again.

When his lips lifted slightly to change angles, she leant backwards holding a hand against his chest; causing his brow to fly up at her evasion "Have you been calling me baby?"

His brow lowered and his lips tilted "I call you that in my head all the time, but knowing that you were trying to get rid of me tonight it just came out; and now that I've said it out loud, I'm going to keep calling you that." Grasping her chin gently he looked into her eyes "And by the way, if anyone else asks you out; give them a firm no."

"I did."

"Be firmer." He replied adamantly "So who was he?"

"It doesn't matter." She shrugged casually.

He lifted her off his lap, laid her back down and leant over her "It matters to me. I'd like to know so I can tell him to get lost, and leave other men's girlfriends alone." His brows quirked up in curiosity "So who was he?"

"I told you."

"And I'm telling you I want to know."

"I'm not saying; I told him I was involved with someone else, I told him no, so it's done."

"You were going to go out with him." He reminded her frowning.

"No I wasn't." At his lifted brow, she blew out a breath "I told him no, and although I wasn't really interested, I just thought that if I went out with him on a date, it would be a way for me to get back into the game after we broke up." When his mouth opened, she shook her head "But I hadn't decided, and I hadn't told him that either."

"Well considering you weren't interested in dating me, and I only got you to by lying, I'm not really comforted by your statement all things considered." She flushed but smacked him lightly in return "However, as I'm the only man you'll be playing the game with in future that subjects closed." He said with finality then got back to the matter at hand "Has he asked you out more than once?" At her quick nod his frown deepened...

At the soft click of the CD turning off, Clark opened his eyes and was once again back in the present. He and Lois had argued about the man who'd asked her out, then he'd found out there'd been more than one, and they'd argued even more. He wanted to smile at that, but found it hard to smile about anything. He'd managed to change her mind about breaking up, only to promptly tick her off by acting territorial.

Looking around the lounge room that was so reminiscent of their apartment, he sighed deeply. That was another lifetime which was now gone. In this timeline he'd lost her long before today; he'd lost her when he changed their future by marrying Lana.

Standing he walked around the room, looked at the photos scattered here and there and felt dissatisfied. All these photos were the result of trick photography, and he'd been content with them before he'd seen Smallville's. Knowing that photo was real, made him wish that he also had something that was genuine of his life with Lois.

If Lana had felt even a tenth of the wretchedness when he told her goodbye, that he felt now hearing the same words from Lois, then although he couldn't condone what she did, he could understand it. If he could turn back time, if he had the power to stop himself from marrying her, he'd take it; just as she had stopped herself from marrying Lex. Just as the risks involved had been immaterial to her, they would likewise be so to him. Just as Lana had disturbed his future with Lois, if there was even the possibility that he could get his fiancée back he'd take it, even knowing that it would upset her future with Oliver.

He wanted to hold onto his anger with Lana, but was finding it hard to do so. How could he fault her when he was now in the same position that she had been in previously, and knew that he would do the exact same thing? From the time he'd found out what she'd done, he'd only felt anger, but could now feel empathy begin to stir even though it was his life that she'd unsettled.

Not sympathy, never acceptance but empathy.

Turning he made his way back to the bedroom, cued up the song he wanted to hear, and after pressing play, pushed the button for repeat, before lying down on the bed. Right now all he wanted was to remember his life with Lois. Tomorrow he'd deal with reality. He'd once again begin to shore up his walls and lock down his feelings, but for today, he just wanted to grieve for all that was gone.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Lana sat on Clark's side of the bed, running the palm of her hand over the duvet. Most nights in the last few years, the only thing she and Clark had done here was sleep. He hadn't woken up wanting to make love, hadn't woken her up in the middle of the night desperate to start anything. The few times he'd wanted them to have sex, his approach had been deliberate. He'd touched her arm lightly when they got into bed, or had moved to her side once the light was off and kissed her, letting her know what he wanted. She had never said no. Just knowing that he was ready to show her some affection, even if it was manufactured just to get sex, had been enough if it gave her the opportunity to be close to him. She'd always tried to make it good, and knew that he did as well, but it had all been by rote.

He'd moved inside her, kissed her, touched her but there had been little passion. She'd tried onto hold him when it was over, whispering softly that she just wanted him to hold her, to feel him against her for a little while longer, but had long since stopped being taken aback when he said no, before once again moving back to his side of the bed. No matter how gentle he'd been, it hadn't stemmed the hurt of knowing that her husband wanted space from her once the act was over, it hadn't made up for listening to his paltry excuses when he once again locked her out; and it hadn't stopped her from heart from breaking a little more, when he whispered Lois' name in his sleep every time afterwards.

All this time she'd thought that her marriage to Lex had been the instrument that had driven Clark away from her, that it had been the reason for why he hadn't wanted her back, but now she knew that wasn't it at all. She'd hurt Clark by marrying Lex, she'd hurt him by playing games; yes. But the simple fact was, regardless of all his declarations of love, when it came right down to it, he'd been scared when his dreams of being with her, had became a reality.

She'd been a challenge to him when he was a boy, and although his heart had instinctively known that it belonged with her, he'd felt trapped once she was his. So he'd looked for an excuse to break up, and once she was securely with Lex, he'd felt safe enough to purse her once again. It was the age old game of the hunter and the hunted.

If Lois had never existed, he would have come back to her one day. The only comfort she could take now was knowing that when she reversed the spell, that Clark would discover in his own time, and without her interference, that running and fighting was useless. He'd realise one day that his heart belonged to her, just as surely as hers belonged to him, and then he would be truly ready to commit one hundred percent.

Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and allowed the tears to trickle down her cheeks. This period of her life was almost over. Clark was already lost to her, so there was no point in hanging on any longer. She had to wait for him to discover what she already knew to be true, and wait she would, no matter how long it took. However, that didn't stop the knife from slipping into her heart at the knowledge that soon her husband would once again be with Lois.

The last few years their sex life had been unfulfilling, but years ago it hadn't been. Clark had been so ardent, so passionate in his desire for her. He used to speed around the house, cleaning up everything swiftly, so that he could romance her into bed; and once there would take his time, touching, kissing and loving her. That however was all in the past, the distant past. But knowing that she'd have the memories of how he used to be with her and would once again be with Lois while she was aware of it, caused the knife to dig in deeper.

Wiping her fingers under her eyes, she looked around the room with sadness. It was time to transfer the memories to prevent herself from trying this ever again. She had all the supplies that she needed hidden in her art room, on the same high shelf that she'd kept the book previously. She'd kept them on hand in case she needed to act quickly; not that she knew what to do with half the stuff anyway. For 8 years she'd lived with the hope that she'd never have to resort to making use of them, the same way that she'd let the magic go believing it would no longer be necessary. Well living with her head buried in the sand had gotten her nowhere; it was time to do what she had to.

Getting up from the bed, she stepped out of the room, retrieved the ladder, returned to the spare room, and took down the box. Carrying it carefully, she returned to the kitchen, placed it on the table and opened it to find canisters and bottles of different shapes and sizes, sitting exactly as she'd placed them three years ago, shortly after Lois' return. She'd known then, just by the look on her husband's face, that one day she'd need this stuff. She'd gone to Metropolis, purchased what was needed, bought a bunch of other stuff that sounded good but with luck she'd never need, and had locked it all away.

Reaching in she picked up the first jar, read the label, turned it around to read the reverse side then placed it on the table, before taking out another bottle and doing the same. There were only a few things that she needed from this box to perform the spell, but holding these phials, which contained substances that were each unthreatening in themselves, but combined could do most anything with the right words spoken, gave her a measure of comfort.

She wouldn't have Clark, but she would have the power of magic and the book back. Even though she never intended to use either on him again, just knowing that she'd have them, made her feel less inadequate.

oOo

After her bath, Lois slipped into a pair of sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirt, called her favourite Chinese eatery and ordered dinner, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, and took a seat in the lounge room.

She'd thought and debated, ruminated and argued with herself, and even though lying about it chafed at her, she'd decided not to tell Oliver about the dreams, Kal or the Clark's.

If she told her fiancée about the dreams, if she opened that can of worms, all she'd be doing was giving validity that Kal meant something to her, and he didn't. She'd decided while cleaning the farm house this morning that she was going to put both the dreams and Kal behind her, and she meant to keep that. Dream Lois loved Kal, but she didn't. He hadn't impacted her life, hadn't stopped her from finding love with Oliver, and that was what it came down to.

Likewise if she told Oliver about Smallville and Clark it would serve no purpose. She'd just tell him they'd all had a falling out, and she didn't want to discuss it but would when she was ready. He'd respect her privacy on the matter, and she was thankful for that. If she told him what the men had said, then she'd have to discuss the dreams, which would just lead Ollie to believing they meant more to her than they really did. He'd also be hurt with the admission that the men, Martha and Chloe all believed this life was false, and that she was only with him by default, which wasn't true. Smallville said that J'onn and Dianna believed his story too, but regardless of what anyone believed, she knew the truth. The reason it had taken her time to love Oliver, wasn't because she'd been ruthlessly parted from her true love, but simply because she'd never been reckless when it came to matters of the heart.

At the knock on the door, she grabbed her purse, checked the peephole and retrieved her dinner, then made her way to the kitchen. Her hand paused in the midst of spooning out portions from the cartons onto her plate, when her mind's eye once again conjured up the photo that Clark had given her to look at earlier.

Leaning her hands on the bench top, she hung her head and looked fixedly at the plate. The photo had shocked the hell out of her. When her eyes first landed on the picture, her heart had battered hard against her rib cage, and the breath had caught in her lungs. Her mind had automatically called forth times when she and Kal had looked at each other just like that in her dreams, and the jolt she'd felt at seeing it while she was awake had been staggering.

She'd seen two people gazing at each other in the photo, and although they were both slightly in profile, it had undeniably been her and Clark; and by the same token, her and Kal. However, after the first hard sucker punch, she'd been able to breathe easier. The photo had to be Smallvilles, and it had to be him and the Lois from his world. Clearly the Lois there was more comfortable showing affection in public than she was, since no one would ever get a photo of her like that. She kept her feelings to herself and only showed them to Oliver; public displays just made her uneasy. Ollie could hold her hand, put his arm around her waist, on her back, on her leg when they were sitting down if he wanted to while they were in public; but kissing and wearing her emotions for the world to see was out. She felt like an exhibit at the zoo, and to her mind, that wasn't romantic.

For Smallville's sake she hoped that he did get back to his Lois, and for Clark's, she hoped that he didn't look at that photo continually as he'd done with Lana's years ago, and subsequently convince himself that he'd only be happy with her.

Blowing out a soft breath, she shook her head and finished spooning out her dinner, before taking a seat at the table to eat. It was New Years Eve, and she was at home alone, eating Chinese food; what a come down. This time last year she'd been celebrating with Oliver at a party, this year she'd be lucky to be awake at midnight. It was only just on 7 and she was tired. Then again she'd certainly had a lot thrown at her today. After dinner she'd just go to bed. She'd call Ollie first to wish him an early happy New Year then she'd sleep, and hopefully wake up tomorrow morning feeling more the thing.

oOo

After leaving the farm Smallville flew in the direction of the fortress, changed his mind and turned for Metropolis instead. It was dark, so no one should be able to see him, but even if they could, he didn't care. Soon this would all be behind him, so anyone seeing him was immaterial. Right now, he wanted to see Lois one more time.

Hopefully she wouldn't be on a plane headed to Star City, he knew that she was going home to Oliver, but if everything changed first then it wouldn't be half as bad as knowing that his fiancée was with another man.

The one thing that had been easier for him during this whole ordeal was the knowledge that his fiancée hadn't been with Oliver physically, while he had been aware of the true nature of affairs. Clark hadn't been so lucky. His twin had loved Lois, and knew that she was with Oliver, but he had thankfully managed to escape that. It was bad enough knowing that it had happened, but at least he'd never been in the position of knowing it was happening.

Stopping above Oliver's apartment, he x-rayed down and let out a huge sigh of relief at finding Lois there alone. He watched for a few minutes, saw her get up to open the front door to retrieve her dinner before making her way to the kitchen.

He continued watching, and when she stopped to stare intently at her plate, he couldn't help hoping that she was thinking about him. Keeping his eyes fixed on her, he spoke softly "Lo I know that you can be stubborn and decisive when necessary, but please baby, don't write me off. Don't push Kal out of your life, I am real Lo, and I'm coming home; please be waiting for me when I get there." He didn't know if she could hear him, didn't know if she was trying to block him out; but decided that it wasn't important. Soon their lives would be restored, this hell would never have happened, and ultimately that was what mattered.

After a last look at his love, he turned and flew quickly to the fortress determined to get there before anything happened. He didn't know how much time they had left before things began to change, but he wasn't taking any chances. Chloe and his mom thought it was preferable for him and Clark to be together, and he was willing to heed their advice.

Stepping into the fortress minutes later, Smallville knew that he was going to find his twin here. He didn't have any proof, just a gut feeling. However, since Clark had referred to his apartment as a sanctuary more than once in his journals, it didn't take a lot of brain power to figure out that this would be the place that he'd run to when he wanted to hide.

He understood why Clark had done so, but couldn't help feeling sad that his twin had sought solitude, to human comfort. Only last night Clark had walked out on the woman he'd married, after staying with her for years despite his misery. He'd had doubts but still enough faith that everything was going to be resolved, and today he'd felt like he'd lost it all when Lois turned away. So he'd run to the one place that had brought him comfort and a sense of reality, the one place where he could still pretend that Lois was his.

He walked directly to the apartment, stopped outside the door and heard the music. It was the same song that he'd heard the first time he'd found the apartment, but listening to the words this time, he hurt all the more for his twin.

_I like dreamin'  
Cause dreamin' can make you mine  
I like dreamin'  
Closing my eyes and __feeling fine__  
When the lights go down  
I'm holding you so tight  
Got you __in my arms__  
And it's paradise 'til the morning light_

Through each dream how our love has grown  
I see us with our children and our happy home  
Little smiles, so warm and tender looking up at us  
Blessed by love, the world we share  
Until I wake and reach for you  
And you're just not there

_I like dreamin'  
Cause dreamin' can make you mine_

Shaking his head, he smiled slightly; dreaming would have to wait, reality was going to be here soon and Clark needed to be ready for it. Pushing the door open, he stepped inside, closed the door softly at his back, then walked to the alcove between the lounge and bedroom to find his twin lying on the bed, with his eyes closed.

Clark had lived without hope for so long, that Lois turning away had just been another disappointment, in a long line of disappointments. He might not completely understand how his twin was feeling, but he could make an educated guess. Hopefully what he said now, would begin to restore belief once more.

Moving silently into the room, Smallville reached over and switched the player off.

"Turn it back on."

"No."

When his twin reached out to turn the player back on, Smallville pushed his hand gently away from the button "Clark you've listened to this enough, you've lived with dreams long enough; no more."

"They're all I have now."

"No they're not, J'onn came back to the farm a little while ago, Lana's going to reverse the spell; she's given up Clark." When his twin's eyes opened and lifted to his, he saw the dullness, the lack of life and felt his heart stir with pity "It's true, she's accepted that she's lost and she's giving us our lives back; all of us." At his words, optimism once again began to bloom in Clark's eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes." He smiled and saw a tiny smile appear on his twins face "You'd given up hadn't you?"

"I didn't want to, but I know that Lana and Lois can both be inflexible in different ways, and I just..." He trailed off and shrugged uncomfortably.

"I know, but it's going to be ok."

"Did J'onn say how long?" Clark asked before sitting up to reach for his shoes.

"No." Smallville took a seat on the bottom of the bed, and brought his twin up to date on everything that had been discovered and discussed at the farm since he'd left earlier in the day.

Clark frowned lightly, nodding at various points throughout the narration "Mom's right, it does make sense why the reversal takes longer in both preparation time and making it happen. But although I like the idea of Lana not trying again, I'm not comfortable with her remembering that we were married."

Smallville grimaced lightly "Yeah that's the rub, but what choice do we have? If we do it, no one including Lana is going to remember, and I don't imagine you really wanna go through all of this again?"

"No by god, but ..." Clark shook his head and scrubbed a hand over the base of his neck "We've really don't have a choice, have we?"

"No." Smallville replied simply "But like Chloe said, Lana will have the memories of this life, but it's not something that she's going to look back on with fondness."

"True." Blowing out a deep breath, Clark shrugged off his feeling of unease "And Dianna figured out the reversal too huh?"

"Yep, so even if Lana had remained obstinate, we could have done it ourselves without her aid. It's good that we don't have to, especially since we'd also need to find a spell to remember this life to stop her from doing it again, but it's still a nice little ace to keep up our sleeve." He replied confidently, causing Clark's smile to grow in consequence. "Plus as I mentioned before, J'onn found the first spell Lana did, and showed it to me. We don't need either spell, but what the hell we have them anyway." Smallville grinned and waved the book.

Clark nodded eagerly "I know we're going to destroy the book, but just knowing that we could have done it if need be, makes me feel less ineffective."

"Me too." He replied, slapping his twin on the back.

"I was thinking about that before..." At Smallville's curiosity "About how I can understand why Lana did what she did." When his twin's face hardened, he quickly shook his head "No, I don't mean that I sympathise with her, but if I had the opportunity to go back and stop myself from marrying her to get Lois back; even knowing that it would upset Lo's engagement to Oliver, I'd do it."

"There's a big difference Clark." Smallville replied firmly "You'd do it to get your life and fiancée back, so would I, but that's not what Lana did. She **stole** our lives Clark; she didn't do it to get back something that was taken from her in the first place." He raked a hand through his hair and asked pointedly "If Lois hadn't been yours previously, but you loved her and were unhappy with your life or marriage, would you really be willing to selfishly take her from Oliver, overturning her life in the process, just because you had the power to do it?"

"No." Clark replied quietly "I can't lie and say that I wouldn't be tempted, but no."

Smallville inclined his head minutely "No, and that's the difference. I'd be tempted as well, only a saint wouldn't be, but don't waste your empathy on Lana because she doesn't deserve it. Her motives were guided by pure self-interest; not a desire to set things right." He shook his head and let out a soft breath "She could have reversed the spell any time these past years when she knew that you were unhappy; instead her solution was to look for ways to cover up what she did with even more magic after my arrival."

Clark nodded "Yeah I know but..."

"No buts, mom and Chloe knew that you loved Lois from the time she first came to the farm after travelling, they also knew that you were miserable. I've read your journals so I know exactly how discontent you were, and more; I know that when you and Lana had sex, you thought of Lois..." He broke off at his twin's flush.

"We didn't have sex very often." Clark put in mortified.

Smallville's lips lifted in a half smile "I know that too, but everything I've just mentioned had to have been reflected in your marriage. They say that quite often the husband or wife is the last one to know, and I daresay that's true in some cases, but considering Lana had wilfully disrupted your life, she must have been conscious of what was going on, and how you felt. Or do you really believe that she was so blindly ignorant, that she didn't?"

"She knew."

"And yet she still held onto you anyway. That's not love Clark; it's egotism. Remember J'onn told us, that Lana told an unconscious Lois, that she was taking us back, and wanted Lo to see how happy she was going to make us." He nodded "Well she didn't make you happy Clark, and I know from reading your journals, that you didn't tell her that you were. You pretended, you covered up, but you didn't lie outright and say that you were happy." Smallville paused and looked his twin direct "When was the last time you told Lana that you loved her?"

Clark shrugged "I don't know, 5 years ago, 6."

"5 or 6 years ago, well considering that once upon a time we could barely open our mouth in her presence without telling Lana how we felt, isn't it strange that she never made an issue about that; or did she?" He asked pointedly.

Letting out a deep sigh Clark shook his head "No she didn't. She still told me that she loved me, but she never asked me why I didn't say it to her anymore."

"If she had asked what would you have said?"

"I would have told her that I was sorry, truly sorry but no, I didn't love her." He lifted one shoulder helplessly "Then I would have asked her for a separation."

"And that's why she never brought it up." Smallville replied softly "She knew what you were going to say, but didn't want to hear it." He hesitated for a moment "It wouldn't be easy for anyone to hear that, so I imagine it would have been a damned hard for her to ask. But considering what she'd taken from you, she should have had the decency to face it, rather than holding onto you out of selfish love."

"You're right." Clark agreed softly "The morning after you told us what was going on, I was driving to the farm and came to same conclusions that you've just pointed out. In the end I realised that what I found the hardest to forgive, is that Lana had done nothing to make things right. Not even confessing the truth at any point over the past years and taking my anger about it on the chin."

Smallville nodded "Exactly."

"Well it'll all be over soon, so I'm just grateful for that." Clark smiled shakily, raking his hands through his hair. He hesitated briefly before continuing conversationally "Do you know that in mythology, if a person sees their doppelganger it's an omen for death? If you see your double you should run away fast, otherwise they'll take over your life, and you'll disappear as if you were never born." Smallville listened quietly, but wasn't fooled by his twin's casual demeanour "I know you're not my doppelganger, but it's kind of eerie to think that soon I'm going to disappear..."

"No you're not." Smallville interrupted quietly and kept his eyes firmly on his twins "You're not going anywhere and neither am I. All that's going to happen is that we'll be merged back together, and once again be one man. You're _**real**_ Clark, everything about you is real, it's only this life, and the circumstances surrounding it that are false."

Blowing out a soft breath, Clark nodded "I know that logically, but the whole doppelganger thing sounds pretty bloody scary."

"Yeah it does." He agreed readily.

"Anyway, meeting you hasn't brought me bad luck, or portended any kind of omen; it's saved my life. So even if I was going to disappear, it would have been worth it." When his twin's mouth opened, Clark shook his head and smiled lopsided "Don't worry, I know that's not going to happen and I'm glad, but if that was the price that had to be paid, then I'd willingly do it if it meant getting our lives back."

Smallville smiled lopsided "I'd say that you're damned heroic to be so unselfish, but it smacks of conceit no matter how I try to phrase it."

Clark let out a shout of laughter, and grinning pointed to the little table "Um, I took your wallet..." at his twins lifted brows; he flushed lightly "I wanted to show Lois the photo."

"I had a feeling that you went to see her." When his twin's face flushed deeper, Smallville shrugged "I don't blame you because I would have done the same thing. I wouldn't have just accepted that I'd lost without talking to her myself."

Clark smiled gratefully and nodded "Well it didn't work. She was nice and kind but..."

"I know she was the same way with me after she stopped being aggravated, but no matter how sympathetic she was, I still felt gutted when she said that she didn't love me." He put in quietly, to which Clark nodded once again "So what'd Lo say when she saw the photo?"

Clark raked his fingers through his hair and sighed "Nothing at first; she was quiet for a minute, I heard her heart thump so hard that I was surprised it didn't break her ribcage, but in the end it made no difference." He smiled sadly and the pain in his eyes shone clear "For a moment I hoped that she'd believe, but when she said that she didn't love me that way, then pointed out that if the Lois in the picture was 'her', then it was a 'her' that was now gone; I knew that she was right." He swallowed hard and finished quietly "Lois' hasn't changed, but at the same time she's no longer the woman in the photo, and we're no longer that man."

"You're right." Smallville agreed with a slight inclination of his head "But soon we all will be. When I was talking to Lo earlier, she said that she wasn't interested in living in the Twilight Zone; meaning that she didn't want to live life through her dreams. What she got wrong is that this world, the way it is now is the Twilight Zone, and the life we had together, the one that's represented in the photo is the real one." He sighed heavily "Lo can't accept that and I don't blame her for it."

"Do you think if Lana hadn't messed with her head that she would have believed?"

Smallville nodded, shook his head minutely and shrugged undecided "I don't know. If anyone tried to tell me that my life with Lois, my life as Superman, that everything I knew was real wasn't; I wouldn't believe them either."

Clark sighed heavily and nodded "No, and it's pretty arrogant to tell someone that you know how their life should be, better than they do. If you'd arrived at any point before things began to deteriorate in my marriage, I wouldn't have been glad to see you. Nor would I have welcomed knowing that Lana wasn't supposed to be my wife." He shrugged lightly "You know what we were like, so it's pretty easy to guess that not only would I have been disinclined to help you change anything, I also would have seen you as the bastard who'd come here just to wreck my life."

Smallville gave a small huff of laughter "Yeah, it's amazing the difference a few years can make huh?"

Clark rolled his eyes heavenwards before looking around the room with new eyes "I was going to live here..."

"Well now you don't need to, because you'll have the real thing again and Lois will be there waiting for us." Smallville smiled, causing his twin's smile to grow once again. Standing up, he walked to the little table, picked up his wallet and opened it to look at the photo for a moment, before putting it in his back pocket "I'd better keep this safe. Lana was a nosy body, and you have very sticky fingers."

Clark grinned and standing headed into the lounge room "If I remember correctly, whenever Lo gets her sticky fingers on our wallet, she just calls it community property and helps herself."

Letting out a shout of laughter, Smallville grabbed the book from the bed, and followed his twin into the lounge room "Yeah, and what does Lo say when we get our hands on her purse?"

"Excuse me; but what'd you think you're doing?" Clark finished with a laugh.

Chuckling at the precise tone of indignation his fiancée had subjected him to numerous times, Smallville tossed the spell book in the air "I'm looking forward to hearing that from her again."

"I'm looking forward to eating her awful treats, I know it's dumb but I'm glad that she's never made them for Oliver." Clark shrugged awkwardly.

"It might be dumb, but I felt the same way when she revealed that little nugget." Smallville replied, and didn't bother to suppress the smug smile that stretched his lips.

Seeing the uppity smile on his twin's face, Clark allowed his own to shine through "Yeah." Taking a seat on the edge of the kitchen table, he titled his head curiously "You know how Oliver tried to steal Lois from us?" Smallville nodded abruptly "Well I remember when Oliver came and told me what he'd done, I was furious until he asked me point blank; if Lois had been with him, and came to me would I have let our friendship stand in the way of taking her. Well I can now understand how he felt, because..."

"Because you tried to steal her from him today, just as I did?" Smallville stated softly; at his twin's nod, he nodded in return "Yeah well, I can tell you right now that if Lana wasn't going to reverse the spell, or if Dianna never found the solution, I would have tried again and again and again, until I'd succeeded."

Clark looked down then up at his twin again "Yeah. I had given up, but I think that eventually I would have tried again too."

"You would have." He replied without hesitation "We are the same man Clark, and I know that you wouldn't have been content to live with dreams, and memories, no matter what you thought or how defeated you felt after talking to Lo earlier."

Rubbing a hand around the back of his neck, Clark nodded slightly "Oliver only tried once, but we wouldn't have been so polite."

"No, but we also know that Lois Lane is meant to be with Clark Kent and vice versa; no substitutes accepted." Smallville shook his head lightly "Oliver and Lana were just short detours on the path to Lo and I finding each other, they were never ever meant to be more than that."

"I made them more than that." Clark put in softly.

"No you didn't; Lana did." Smallville corrected firmly "She's the one who did this Clark, not you. Yes we gave her the opportunity to do it, but it was still her. Instead of just accepting that our love for her wasn't real, she thought that she knew better than we did about how we felt. So she specifically went back to the time when we were vulnerable, when we were full of doubts about our heritage, about everything but not about our feelings for her." He gave a small snort of contempt "Lana could suck us in back then without any effort whatsoever, and she knew it."

Clark nodded heavily "Like taking candy from a baby."

"Exactly! The only reason Lois is with Oliver now is because Lana tied you to her, thereby securing your future and derailing Lois'." He looked at his twin and reminded him "Don't forget that I...we pursued Lo, we courted her, and got her to notice us. However, in this timeline, we never got that opportunity, and Oliver did." Smiling he cocked his brow at his twin "But soon all that's gonna be rectified."

Smiling in return, Clark scrubbed his hands over his face in relief "Well you've been here for at least 40 minutes, so hopefully it won't be much longer."

Smallville looked at his watch and frowned "I left the farm just before 6.30, stopped by Metropolis and found Lois alone in her apartment..." At Clark's smile, he inclined his head "Yeah, I was pretty happy about that too. Anyway, I stayed for a few minutes then came here, and now it's almost 7.30. J'onn was at the farm for half an hour before I left, so altogether it's been almost one and a half hours since Lana decided to do it." He shook his head impatiently "I want her to do it right, but it's taking longer than I expected."

"Yeah, but don't forget what mom said..."

"I know; reversing things takes longer." Smallville repeated unhappily "I promised mom that we wouldn't get impatient, and J'onn said that if nothing's happened by 8.30, he'd go by and check that Lana hasn't changed her mind, but still..." he trailed off, shifted his shoulders uncomfortably, then quickly reminded his twin "Don't forget Clark, we don't know if you're going to be affected or not, but when the pain starts it's going to hurt like hell, so be prepared for it just in case."

"I will, do you think we should destroy the book now?"

"No way, we'll wait until the pain starts because then we'll know that Lana hasn't changed her mind. Frankly I don't trust her, so I'm hanging onto this until the very last minute just in case it's needed." Smallville replied and threw the book up into the air, intending to catch it once again.

However, unlike the last time, the pain didn't start gradually and grow worse. This time it slammed into him, driving him into the wall, indenting the technosiding with his imprint, until he fell like a limp doll onto the floor. He lay winded on the ground for a minute, before opening hazy eyes to look around the room. After blinking several times he managed to focus, and found Clark on the opposite side of the room in a likewise position.

He looked around, saw the book lying carelessly in the middle of the room, and attempted to use his heat vision to burn it, but nothing happened.

"Clark...Clark..." When his twin looked up, it was clear by the strain on his face, the deep lines carved into his cheeks and forehead, that the agony running through his body was equally affecting his twin.

"The book Clark, destroy it."

Focusing on the book, Clark also tried to use his heat vision and once again nothing happened. With effort the men began to climb to their feet when another burst slammed them back down causing them to scream in anguish. When the pain in their bodies lessened a fraction from excruciating to unbearable, each got to their hands and knees and began crawling towards the book, but every movement was torture. They tried using super breath to push the book to each other, but it was impossible as neither had the strength to blow or inhale.

When an intense throbbing began in his feet, moved into his ankles and calves climbing ever upwards, Smallville attempted to move faster "Fuck! Clark is it moving upwards in your body?" His twin panted hard, and nodded his head limply "One of us has to stay conscious until we destroy..." Gritting his teeth Smallville continued moving forward slowly "This is our only chance; once this reaches our heart it'll be too late to..." He stopped talking and concentrated on reaching the book, while the pain writhing through his body continued to move steadily towards his heart.

Understanding what Smallville was trying to say, Clark blanked out the pain and dragged himself forward. His apartment wasn't big; the room was only medium in size, usually it took him no effort to cross it, but right now it seemed to be as vast as the Grand Canyon. It was taking all his effort just to stay conscious, while every movement felt like Kryptonite knives were digging deep into his body.

He tried not to think of anything but reaching the book, but the tongues of fire licking through his body made it difficult to do so. Every internal organ felt on fire, the muscles, tendons and sinews in his legs and arms pulsed, his belly throbbed and burned simultaneously; and it all seemed to be never ending. He'd never felt anything like this; how the hell could he have been prepared for this? Either Smallville had down played it, or he'd just been too damn cavalier about it. Stopping for a moment, he licked his lips and closed his eyes bringing Lois face to the forefront of his mind. It was worth it, it was worth ten times of this knowing she was at the end of it all. Clenching his teeth, he continued moving forward.

Smallville wasn't sure if he was going to make it, black dots were appearing in his vision, his lungs felt heavy making breathing difficult, and the pain seemed to have claws. He tried to concentrate, tried to hold on but this seemed so much worse than the last time. The book still seemed to be an ocean away, and all he wanted was to give into the darkness that called out like a siren song. When blackness began to creep around the edges of his vision he knew that he was losing the battle to stay conscious, but refused to accept defeat. If he gave in, he'd lose Lois again and that was intolerable. He couldn't, he just couldn't take coming back to this timeline again, only to find that his fiancée was no longer his. Straining against the inferno that seemed to be eating him alive from the inside out, he continued to move forward inch by inch.

Clark looked at his twin, found that he was still trying but flagging fast, and stretched out his arm. When his fingertips touched the corner of the book, he wanted to shout out in relief. Pushing aside everything but what he had to do, he threw himself forward, screaming at the torture that ripped through his body. Panting with exertion, he managed to grasp the book and dragged it forward but was once again unable to use his heat vision to burn it.

Deciding to just rip it apart, he pulled and tugged but found his strength was also gone "I can't do it..." Not getting any response, he looked up to find that Smallville was lying face down unmoving. When black dots appeared in his vision, he rubbed his eyes, then looked around for a knife or anything that was sharp enough to cut, swearing colourfully when he saw a pair of scissors sitting in a holder on the desk.

He'd never make it, his vision was getting darker, and it was becoming harder to concentrate. All he wanted was to rest, just lie down and sleep until this was all over. Rubbing his eyes once again, he looked around the room aimlessly, trying to remember what he was doing when he saw his twin lying face down a few feet away. His mind sluggishly prompted, he frowned harder trying to think past the pain and confusion, when he saw the book lying on the floor beside his leg and recalled vaguely that it had to be destroyed. Reaching down he picked it up, but found it hard to see as blackness at the edges of his vision began moving inwards. Blinking and squinching his eyes together, he grasped the book in both hands, ignored the darkness that had swallowed up his eyesight and continued attempting to rip it apart, pulling and tugging all to no avail. He wasn't even aware when the burning pierced his heart; he didn't have time to scream or cry out, just fell forward and slammed into the floor giving into the welcome oblivion of nothingness.

oOo

Consciousness returned slowly, his eyes moved back and forth behind his lids before flicking open to stare upwards at the huge spears of ice. Moving his head carefully but not feeling any pain, he looked around but all he could see was ice. Sitting up, Clark looked around; as far as the eyes could see, there was only ice. There was no apartment where last there had been one, there was no furniture, no book, no twin lying near him, but he knew that everything wasn't ok.

He remembered fighting to stay conscious, feeling disoriented, trying to concentrate on the book, but he didn't remember destroying it. Worse, he knew that if everything had been reversed correctly, he wouldn't remember there had been an apartment, a book, or his twin; and he wouldn't remember being married to Lana. She was supposed to remember that, but he wasn't. J'onn said that Lana would reverse everything, well she'd obviously done so because there was only one of him; but the one that was left behind remembered what it was like to be both Smallville and Clark.

Whether Lana had done this deliberately or by accident he didn't know, but felt that it wasn't intentional. Not for his sake, but for hers. She wouldn't have wanted him to remember what she'd done, and consequently still feel so much anger towards her.

He scrubbed his hands over his face and pushed himself up to his feet; he was going home. Right now this was what he had to live with. He would begin looking into how to set things right tomorrow, but for now he just wanted to be with Lois.

He closed his eyes and prayed that Lois was waiting for him, was expecting him. Hopefully his double memories were the only thing Lana had screwed up, and Lois wouldn't still be engaged to Oliver. If she was, he'd track down Lana tonight and make her fix it pronto, but for now he was one man, and that man wanted to go home and be with his love.

Spinning into the suit, Clark shot out of the fortress and headed straight to Metropolis. He flew past Oliver's apartment, found it dark and empty then flew to his own. Closing his eyes once again, he sent a last quick prayer to the heavens and x-rayed down. When his eyes blurred, he slashed his palm across the lids impatiently, and looked down once again to fasten on Lois. She was there, in their apartment and she was wearing his ring.

Swooping down, he flew in through the open balcony windows and scooped Lois up in his arms, locking his mouth securely to hers. Her hands lifted to run fingers through his hair, before pressing onto the nape of his neck to force his lips harder against hers.

He lifted his lips from hers for less than a moment, before sealing their mouths together once again. Their tongues twined and rolled, stroked and plundered against each others, lips lifted, changed angles but never parted completely.

When he finally freed her mouth, his arms tightened around her slim waist, his cheek rubbed against the top of her hair, the tears fell freely down his cheeks, and he heard the sobs that poured out of her throat.

His hands stroked her quietly, soothingly while his heart settled into peace.

Lois pulled back and cupped his face in her hands "Where have you been?"

He lifted his hands to cup her face in return "Tell me you love me."

"You know that I do; honey where have you been?"

He pressed his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes "Say it Lo please."

"I love you."

He closed his eyes before looking into hers once again "You don't know how much it means to hear you say that."

"I'll tell you as many times as you like, but please just tell me where you've been."

"How long was I gone?"

"Almost 3 days, you were in China, then you left, and then you just seemed to disappear." She pressed her face hard into his chest "I've never been so scared."

"Neither have I." He pressed his lips against her forehead, sat on the couch and held her close "I have a lot to tell you."

Lois crawled into his lap, pressed her face into his neck and sighed "Call your mom first; she's been worried sick."

He nodded, reached for the phone and when his mom picked up the receiver and began to cry at the sound of his voice, he promised himself silently that he would find a way to correct everything properly so that no one would have missed him. As soon as he hung up Lois whispered "Chloe" and dialling once again, he spoke to his friend for a few minutes, once again promising himself anew at hearing the anxiety and tears in her voice.

After pressing a kiss to the top of Lois head, Clark quietly began to explain what happened. Lois' head lifted abruptly, she frowned, glowered, her eyes shot sparks, the rage became visible before she pushed out of his lap to stalk around the room.

It was several minutes before he could calm her down. He held her tight, rubbed his hands over her back and nape of her neck, attempting to relieve the knots and strain as she all but continued to tremble with fury "I'm here baby, she didn't win; I'm here."

"That selfish bitch!" Lois spat out.

"She returned me to you Lo, the same way that she returned you to me last month."

"She had no right to play with your life like that." Lois replied softly, but the softness didn't fool him. The angrier Lois got the quieter her voice became. When annoyed she yelled loud and long, frustration equalled screeching, pissed off was when she roared, but true anger made her so furious that her voice became almost hushed.

Trying to keep her calm was hard, especially since he felt the same way. However, he didn't want her to demand that he track down Lana tonight so that she could kick the woman's ass; tonight he just wanted to be with his fiancée.

"No Lo she didn't, but if Lana hadn't used deceit, I would have had no way out of a marriage that I felt trapped in. I would have been in love with you, and married to her and that doesn't bear thinking about."

"Don't make excuses for her Clark, if Lana had wanted to marry you, she could have done. She was far from ignorant about how you felt, so even though you only asked her once that she remembers, she knew very well that all she had to do was bat her eyes, and you would done anything she asked at any point in time before she married Lex." Lois gritted out then continued before he could speak "Her biggest problem is that she enjoyed screwing you around and stringing you along too much to give a rat's about anything else. She's a bitch, who likes to play the martyr; pure and simple. She always has been and always will be, and that won't ever change, because it IS her." Lois finished contemptuously.

He nodded lightly "I know Lo, I figured Lana out a long time ago." He cupped her face and looked into her eyes "I'm not making excuses for her babe, I wouldn't do that, but I am grateful that she didn't marry me." He corrected quietly.

Lois heaved out a deep breath "The only reason she wants you back now is because you don't want her. She's a prick tease Clark. I bet that if you still wanted her, she'd still be making up tragic bullshit reasons for why you can't be together, but ensuring to give you the come on with the appropriate wet eyes, so that you could see how devastated she was about it all."

"She did love me Lo, even though I was unhappily married to her, she still wanted me."

Lois snorted in disdain "Exactly, but I bet if while were you were married, you were still the submissive pantywaist who said 'yes Lana, no Lana, three bags full Lana' she wouldn't have cared less how you felt."

Clark's lips quirked "I wasn't a pantywaist, just a pushover."

She smiled slightly in return "It the same thing." When his mouth opened she pressed her finger to his lips "You were extremely gullible, and she was a rotten bitch of a cow that took advantage of you; let's just leave it at that."

"Ok." He nodded in agreement and led her back to the couch. Lois cuddled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder "How does it feel having those memories in your head?"

He sighed, rubbing his hand up and down her arm "Bloody awful, I remember what it was like being Clark, feeling trapped in a marriage that I detested and just wanting my freedom. I remember when the dreams started and how much I hated them at first, seeing a life that I'd never have. Falling in love with the woman in my dreams, then waking up beside Lana and knowing that I was already tied down." He tilted her chin up "And I remember when you first came back from travelling, I walked into the kitchen of the farm house totally unprepared for what was going to happen." He bent his head and pressed his lips softly to hers, once, twice before lifting his mouth "I saw you and...god baby, I knew that you were the woman I was meant to share my life with; even worse was the realisation that I'd lost any chance with you because I was already tied to Lana."

She lifted her hand and stroked his cheek "It's over with Clark, you didn't lose me; I'm here and so are you."

He swallowed hard and pressed his forehead against hers "I can't tell you how much it hurt to know that I'd never have the freedom of being with you, to know that the dreams were the closest I'd ever get to showing you how I felt. When you came to stay with mom the second time and Oliver turned up..." he let out a soft shaky breath "I knew that he wanted you back, and when mom told us that you and he were dating, I..."

She reached up and pressed her lips to his jaw "I'm not; I haven't dated Oliver in 8 years."

"I know, my Smallville side knows it logically, but my Clark side remembers everything too." He swiped a hand impatiently over his eyes "When I...Smallville I mean, when I found out the truth, and then realised that my fiancée was living with Oliver I thought that was bad. When you told us you were engaged I felt sick, but god Lo; when you told me to forget about my life, forget about you, and left to go home to Oliver..."

"I'm sorry." She whispered consolingly.

He shook his head and squeezed her tighter to his side "You have nothing to be sorry for, you didn't know baby. I understood why you couldn't accept, and I knew that it wasn't your fault but I swear when you turned away from me, I thought I was having a heart attack."

Lois pressed herself closer against him, snugging her arms around his waist "I don't know what to feel angrier about. That Lana changed your life by marrying you, or that she messed with my head so much that I wouldn't believe even though I'd had the dreams."

Clark picked Lois up and cuddled her into his lap "Believe it or not that actually made things easier." At her frown "You shouldn't have remembered me at all Lo, you shouldn't have had any recollections of our life or our relationship but you did."

"But it wasn't enough, if it was I would have believed you, or at the very least I wouldn't have left after you told me everything." She put in softly.

He squeezed his eyes tight "I understood; J'onn told us that you wouldn't accept Lo, he said..."

"Do you really feel like that?" She interrupted quietly.

"Yes."

"Do you?" She pressed.

He lifted her up and sat her carefully on the couch, then pushed himself up to stride from the lounge room to the kitchen, and stopped to stare hard outside the window. He picked up a glass to get some water but when it shattered in his hand, threw the shards into the sink, before spinning back around to find Lois staring at him. She hadn't moved, hadn't made a sound, just calmly kept her eyes on him, and that aggravated.

He was well aware that Lana had messed with her head, he was savvy enough to grasp the situation fully, and he'd already dealt with this. He'd talked to his mom, he'd talked to himself, so he didn't need or want Lois to push the issue by trying to psychoanalyse him. He took two steps forward intending to re-join her on the couch, but instead stopped at the alcove to the lounge room, and leant his shoulder casually against the wall determined to show her that he was perfectly fine; thank you very much.

She continued to look at him without speaking, he stared back but after a few minutes, the silence began to grate. Nodding shortly, he calmly replied "Yes, I understand."

Lois pursed her lips and nodded "What was my engagement ring like?"

"Bloody ugly."

She nodded again "Oliver usually has good taste."

"Well this time he didn't." Clark crisply announced "The ring was too damned showy, completely unsightly, and it was all wrong for your hand."

"I must have liked it though." She prompted softly.

"Oh yeah, you couldn't stop waving your hand around determined to make everyone comment on it." He fired back tersely "Well for your information, we all thought it was hideous."

Sighing heavily, Lois shook her head, got to her feet and stepped towards him. Straightening up, he crossed his arms "And I think that's more than enough conversation about Oliver Queen, and your damned engagement to him."

"Ok, so let's talk about what I said when you told me that you were Kal."

"Let's not!" He shot back.

When she ignored him and began talking he knew that she was deliberately goading him, trying to make him face what he didn't want to and felt his temper ratch up at her persistence "I told you that if you ever disappeared that I'd find you and bring you home..."

"I wasn't lost." He cut in brusquely.

"No you weren't, but I promised that I'd never let go, and yet that's exactly what I did." She continued softly.

He felt the anger, the pain of her rejection and wished that she wouldn't keep pushing "That's enough." He replied just as softly.

"I said that I didn't love you, I told you that I loved Oliver, and then I left." She pressed on regardless.

His jaw tightened, his heart began to pound "I said that's enough."

She took a deep breath, looked him dead in the eye and pushed "I was dreaming of you but sleeping with Oliver, having sex with Ol..."

Her words drove the spike into his heart and he couldn't take anymore "FUCK!" Spinning around, he stepped forward, and slammed his hand onto the kitchen table, reducing the wood to splinters "Goddamn you Lois." Spinning back around, he strode forward, stopping an inch in front of her "I told you every single detail of our relationship, details that only we know about. I told you that I was Kal, I begged you to listen to your heart, but no, that wasn't good enough for you."

"You expected me to throw my life away on a dream; for a man that I didn't love." She challenged quietly.

"You DID love me; you were just too much of a coward to face it." He shouted back "Why the hell couldn't you trust me?"

"I'm not big on trust."

"Oh no, Lois Lane has to have proof before she believes. What the hell kind of calamity would befall her if just once in her life she took something on faith? But wait, not just any proof will do for Ms Lane, no it has to be up to her standards. A photo can be digitally created after all, so it was no wonder that she wouldn't accept that." He finished sarcastically "So why don't you tell me what would have been enough to satisfy you Lois, I'll make sure to keep it in mind for next time?"

Instead of answering, she shook her head minutely and accused "You didn't demonstrate your powers."

"No, I didn't do that." He snarled in return.

"Why not?"

"Because I knew that it was useless."

"You didn't even try." She criticised softly.

At her words his heart jointly twisted and felt enraged "I fucking _**tried**_ Lois; so don't you tell me that I didn't." He shouted before spinning and walking to the other side of the room, only to storm back once again "You don't even remember it but I do, so don't you dare stand there and tell me that I didn't try. You just couldn't wait to give me the heave ho, and run back to Oliver."

When she reached out and touched his arm, his muscles automatically contracted "Yes, I still left you for Oliver." She repeated quietly. At her words, tears filled his eyes, spilt down his cheeks, and the hurt he'd felt, that he thought he'd dealt with burst out of his heart. He fell to the floor taking Lois with him, cuddled her into his lap, buried his face in the side of her neck, and cried out all anger, pain and heartbreak he'd felt when she'd turned away from him.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her hands ran over his back soothingly. After his tears were spent, he sighed, keeping his nose buried in her neck breathing in the scent that was hers alone and crushed her gently closer to his chest. When he felt calmer, he lifted his head, raked her hair back with his fingers, and captured her eyes with his "Why?"

Lois smiled regretfully, wiped his cheeks and leaning forward pressed her lips lightly to his "Because I knew that if you didn't face your anger about it, you'd stew and seethe quietly and eventually resent me for it." When he shook his head, she nodded "Judgement becomes skewed by emotion hon. I know you, so I could tell that you were furious and hurt, even though you said that you understood. Everything might have been ok for a while, but when you saw Oliver; or worse when you saw me and Oliver talking or laughing or doing any number of innocent things, you'd be suspicious. It might have gotten to the stage where you'd question me about everything I said and did, then one day that dark cloud would have burst, and that would probably be the end of us."

"I swear that I'd never drive you away by blaming you for something that I knew wasn't your fault Lo."

"I know that you wouldn't have wanted to." She affirmed quietly "I know that you would hated yourself for doubting me, but when I couldn't take anymore, I would have hated you for doing it and left."

He swallowed hard at the honesty in her voice, and finally admitted what he knew was true; despite all the arguments he'd used in reasoning it out to himself "I did feel betrayed when you..." He trailed off, and closed his eyes to press his forehead against hers and tried again "...I can't bear the thought of you with anyone but me Lois, and knowing that you'd left me to go to him..."

"Oliver." She filled in softly "He's done nothing Clark, nothing to earn your antagonism, or your bitterness."

He swallowed and nodded "When you left me to go to Oliver, you tore my heart out Lo."

She cupped his jaw and pressed her lips lightly against his "Clark..." His eyes opened at the firmness in her voice "I wish that I could say it wasn't me but it was, it was just a different me to the woman I am now." Sliding one hand down over his chest, she left it to sit against his heart "You know that I love you Clark, and you know that I would never leave you for anyone else, but that was another life for me and for your Clark side as well." He nodded fractionally "He was hurting for a long time, boxed into a marriage he no longer wanted, and although I didn't cause that, I'm still bitterly sorry that it was so. However, it's the Smallville side that I'm sorry for wounding when I refused you; do you understand what I mean?"

He bobbed his head again "Yeah I do. In that timeline, we both knew that we hadn't given you any reason to love us Lo, but because our lives were so different, so were our perspectives. Clark hoped and wished but he'd gotten used to disappointment, so was more practical minded. Whereas Smallville knew that only a few days before that you loved him, so he believed that regardless of everything, that you'd remember."

She smiled sadly "It couldn't have happened honey, not in that timeline; dreams or not."

"I know Lo, I really do." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms "You told me that dreams are nice but you prefer reality, because even though it's messy or sad or heartbreaking it's real, and you're right. I told Clark; Smallville told him...oh hell you know what I mean..." She grinned and bobbed her head "Well I told Clark that if anyone tried to tell me that my life with you wasn't real, that I wouldn't have accepted it; and I wouldn't have Lo. No matter what they said, or what proof they gave, I would have told them to piss off." Standing, Clark picked her up and sat down on the couch with Lois curled up next to him "But..." When her brows flew up, he smiled confidently "...but that's not to say that I was going to let you go. If that was the timeline that I was stuck with, then until it could be reversed I wasn't just going to sit on my ass and let you ride off with Oliver. I was going to get you back by fair means or foul."

She huffed out a small laugh and shook her head "You would have driven me insane, until I waved the white flag in surrender just to get some peace."

He shrugged unconcerned "I would have done anything, except let you go or let you marry Oliver."

"I can somehow see you waiting for the moment the minister asked if there were any impediments to the marriage, and then proceeding to make a commotion." She commented dryly.

"Hopefully things never would have gotten to that point, but if I had to; then yes." He replied bluntly.

Leaning forward she pressed smiling lips against his "Troublemaker."

"You're mine baby, and no one's going to take you from me while there's breath in my body." He assured her softly.

"Which you?" She asked teasingly.

"Smallville..." He replied firmly "...but it wouldn't have taken long for Clark to join me; I can guarantee that."

"Uh huh, and let's just say it worked; who would I have been with. I couldn't have taken up with both of you so..."

He grinned and told her Clark's solution. Lois let out a shout of laughter and smacked his arm "Share me; gees the last time someone asked me out you got all pissy, but now that it's two Clark's who wanna share me then it's ok."

He beamed back at her unrepentant, before pressing his lips to the corner of hers "You know that I'm teasing. Not about getting you back, I meant every word of that, but I'd never share you, not even with another man who was created from me." He slid his lips to her ear and whispered quietly "Never." Slipping his arm around her waist he hugged her to him one armed "But just having you with us would have been enough while we found a solution."

Nodding Lois cuddled into him "So what'd you remember from being Clark?"

He picked her up, sat her in his lap and smiled slyly "Loving you and thinking that I'd give anything just to be with you."

"You wanted to have sex with me." She teased running her finger down his chest.

His smile grew to match hers "Oh I definitely wanted to know if it would be as great in real life as it was in my dreams. Of course when I met my other self; Smallville I mean, he confirmed that it would have been even better than I imagined."

She licked her lips and drawled "Well you have been gone for three days..."

"So I have and I think it's about time that my Clark side found out what making love with you feels like."

"You already know." She reminded him pointedly.

"Baby don't spoil my surprise, I've been waiting years and now I wanna see if it's as good as it was in my dreams." He reproved before scooping her up in his arms and striding to their bedroom.

oOo

Clark lay on his back, with Lois on top of him, and let out a deep heartfelt sigh. She lifted up to look down at him and grinned "Well either those dreams were really hot, or they gave you added stimulus."

"I was satisfying both my Smallville and Clark sides." He smiled, gently running a finger down her nose "The dreams had nothing to do with giving me inspiration, it was all you Lo." He lifted his head and whispered "I just had to ensure that Clark got to see how great it was."

She gurgled out a laugh, leaning down to press her lips to his "It took four times to show him?"

"Nope, he was just greedy and insisted we keep going; I tried to stop him but it was hopeless. However, please remember that I did stop long enough to let you eat dinner, and have a shower before carrying you back to bed." He beamed a grin.

"So generous." She chuffed softly "You all but grabbed my fork and began to feed me, then urged me to hurry up and chew faster. After that you basically chased me into the shower, before proceeding to plaster me against the wall to have your wicked way with me, and while I was still recovering from that, you carried me back to bed."

He chuckled and shook his head "I don't know where you get your crazy ideas from woman; it was you that wouldn't leave me alone." She snorted softly in reply. Rolling her under him, he lifted up on one elbow, stroked the hair away from her brow "I love you Lois."

She smiled and smoothed down his hair "I love you; both Clark and Smallville."

He looked over his shoulder and turned back "We missed twilight."

"Mmmm."

"I promised myself that when I got you back, I'd hold you in my arms while night fell around us, but we missed it. However, that doesn't mean that I can't hold you while we listen to some soft music." Pressing a kiss against her cheek, he crawled off the bed and zipped over to their cupboards to pull out robes. After wrapping Lois in hers, he pulled on his own, raced to the stereo and switched it on to a light music station before coming back to scoop her up into his arms. Taking a seat in one of the armchairs, with Lois curled in his lap, Clark wrapped his arms around her waist, and set his cheek against the side of her head.

They sat quietly, not moving or speaking. When Lois' hand lifted to stroke his cheek absently Clark's eyes closed "You'll never know how much I love you baby." She lifted her head, his eyes opened and sought hers "I can't even tell you how much, because no matter how I try to say it, words just don't do justice to how I feel."

"I know, because I love you the same way." She replied softly, tracing his lips with her finger "You said that you wouldn't give up until we got our lives back." He nodded silently "Thank you." Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his, before burying her face in the crook between his shoulder and neck.

They continued to sit quietly for a time until she began to yawn and couldn't stop "I'm sorry, I haven't slept much since you've been gone." She told him sleepily before curling into him.

"I'm here Lo, so you can sleep now ok?" She nodded drowsily, and standing he carried her back to bed, tugged off their robes, and lay down spooning around Lois. However, it didn't feel close enough, tucking her in closer against him, he frowned unsatisfied. It still wasn't close enough. He floated up and across slightly, floated back down until he was facing her, and cuddled her tight against him.

"Clark."

At her sleepy murmur, he grimaced and loosened his hold minimally "Sorry baby, I'm just trying to get comfortable; did I hurt you?" She shook her head sleepily. Sighing quietly in relief, he shifted a tad closer, a little more and a little more, until not even a sliver of paper could come between them then looked at her face, soft in sleep.

Tomorrow he'd begin looking for ways to making all right. He'd find a way to merge his two selves back together properly, so that he no longer felt like two people. He wouldn't be satisfied until Clark and Smallville were no longer separated in his head. He wanted all the memories of being married to Lana gone, he wanted all the bleak years of being Clark wiped out, he just wanted to be Clark Kent again. The Clark Kent he had been before Lana had messed with him.

He'd do whatever it took, but tomorrow he was going to find a way to ensure that any power Lana still had was taken away. If she had the memories, hopefully she'd keep to her decision and not try anything further, but if she had the book then she'd have the power and might be tempted, and he wasn't taking the chance by trusting.

It would take her time to find something else to try, which was the only reason he could relax for now. It had taken her a month between the last time and this. However, last time he'd been unaware that Lana was responsible for Jo being in his fiancées body. But with his memories, at least this time he had the upper hand, and he wouldn't be so generous as to give her any time to look for, nor try anything else. Tomorrow he'd x-ray every centimetre of her house until he found the book, then he'd steal it, and use it to fix his life, before destroying it once and for all.

For now he was content to be with his beloved once again. Lifting his hand, he lightly smoothed a finger over Lois' cheek marvelling that she was with him. He had her back; back in his life, back in his arms, and he was back in her heart. For now he was content, but come tomorrow, he'd be on the hunt.

The End


End file.
